Tuca & Bertie (2019–…): Season 3, Episode 3 - The One Where Bertie Gets Eaten by a Snake - full transcript
- He drinks?
- He drinks, Bertie.
- Wow.
- But it's okay.
Figgy and I were
talking about it today
- while we were out hunting.
- What?
(birds singing)
(slurping)
Ah! Come on.
Nice one.
You know, figgy, I was thinking
about what you told me.
Oh?
So, you drink.
I used to drink, I get it.
But maybe we should
set up some ground rules.
- (splats)
- Paintballer: Why?!
I haven't been given rules
since I was ten rings old,
but sure, let's hear them.
- Don't drink in front of me.
- Sure.
Don't drink so much
I have to take you
- to the hospital.
- Easy.
No home brewing.
Not because it's alcohol,
but because it's annoying.
Ew, I would never.
And finally,
don't make me wear pants.
My ex made me wear pants
and she was bad news.
Was that your main
takeaway on Kara?
That she sucked because
she made you wear pants?
It's what the pants
represented, Bertie.
They represented that
she made me wear pants.
All right.
I have one rule for you.
Aw, I hate rules. This sucks!
Just one.
Don't ask me to stop drinking.
I love you, but I know myself
and I'm not going to change.
Oh, I get that.
Back when I drank,
the more people tried
to get me to quit,
the more I didn't want to.
(mockingly):
"Tuca, please quit."
(regular voice):
"Why don't you quit
annoying me?"
(mockingly):
"Tuca, you have a problem."
(regular voice):
"A problem with you
being a whiner!"
(mockingly):
"Who are you and why are you
streaking at this middle school
science fair?"
(regular voice):
"Bitch, you think I know?"
(Tuca grunts)
It sounds like you're going
into this with both eyes open.
Bertie, for a guy
as fine as figgy,
I'm going in with
all my holes open.
Female announcer:
The northbound snake train
will be delayed one hour
due to a medical issue.
"Medical issue"?
Let's hoof it from here.
[♪ ♪]
(hissing)
Female announcer:
The miracle of birth,
now on platform six.
Please stand clear
of life's glorious pageant.
[♪ ♪]
♪ Tuca and Bertie and Tuca and
Bertie and Bertie and Tuca ♪
♪ And Tuca and Bertie,
Tuca and Bertie ♪
♪ tu-tu-Tuca ♪
- ♪ Tuca ♪
- ♪ and Bertie. ♪
(vocalizing)
Good night, Tuca.
Let's keep hanging out.
It's only 9:00 P.M.
The 9:00 A.M. Of nights.
(sighs) I've got
a big day tomorrow.
I'm pitching a new product line
to chef Garcia
and I got to prep for it.
Ah, you're gonna
kill it, Bertie,
kill it dead.
Really murder the crap out
of that pitch,
then douse the floor with bleach
and Bury that pitch
in the woods, Bertie.
[♪ ♪]
(meowing)
- (hisses)
- (yowling)
(choir sings)
- (snoring)
- Bertie?
I'm going to wake you up gently
so you don't startle, okay?
(screams)
Oh, shit! Oh, what time is it?
I'm late. Time is a dick.
(shoes screeching)
(exclaims)
Excuse me. Move.
Oh! Come on. Really?
Ah!
(door chimes)
Ow! Excuse me.
Ouch. Ow.
(grunts)
(exhales)
Today's many baked goods
present an opportunity
for us to rise to the occasion.
Looking at some cards, huh?
I like to look at stuff.
I'm sorry,
I-I'm just trying to work.
What's your work?
Does it involve
looking at stuff?
Bertie, make your face look
less approachable.
Be an ice bitch.
- Damn it!
- Woman: Would you hold
my baby for a sec?
Why would I...?
I want to play
a game on my phone.
Oh, no thanks,
I don't really want to...
(baby cooing)
Um, excuse me,
I-I think your baby...
Game voice:
Winner!
(gagging)
- (tittering)
- (baby retching)
Ah! Your baby totally beefed
all over me!
I know. Babies.
Sometimes it's like, why did we
even sign up for this, right?
I didn't sign up for it.
Yeah, tell me about it.
(beeps)
(crunches)
Okay, Bertie, what do you got?
Okay.
Consumers love
winter snacks, right?
But how do we build on that
with desserts that are fun
and tell a story?
Presenting...
...Bug bundts.
Mini bundt cakes
shaped like bugs.
Each package has
six distinct bugs
with their own shape
and back story.
I've designed
six distinct flavor profiles:
Chocolate, red velvet,
French vanilla,
je ne sais quoi,
birthday sprinkles,
and miscellaneous!
Nah. What else you got?
What?
(stammers)
This was my only idea.
I-I made samples.
Would you like to try?
No, I get it. Bugs.
It's not right for winter snacks.
Jamie, what do you got?
Uh, yeah, I was thinking
cookies that are triangles,
and they come in one flavor.
Cookie.
Hmm, I like it.
It's smart in a stupid
sort of way.
Whip up some prototypes
and make them isosceles.
(chuckles)
Isosceles, you sosceles,
- we all sosceles for...
- Bertie.
Why don't you bring in
some more ideas tomorrow?
Yes, chef.
(crunching)
Ow!
"What else you got?"
What else I got?
Don't you think if I got else,
I would have said else?
Clearly, I do not got else!
You should get some sleep.
Some of my best ideas
come to me in my dreams.
(screaming)
Ooh, that's a great
window design.
(screaming)
I can't. I have to come up
with a whole new thing.
Okay, then.
Don't worry about me,
I'll just kiss myself
night night.
(kissing):
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
Okay, okay.
New pastry. All right.
Miniature croissants
with tiny hot dogs inside?
I'll call them porks in a towel.
Nope, that's just
pigs in a blanket.
Damn it!
(knocking at door)
Huh...
Oh.
What do you want?
Well, you can't come in here.
Shoo. Shoo.
Fine. Come in. Stay out.
Nobody cares
what I think, anyway.
No one takes me seriously.
I mean, I'm invisible to all
the people I want to see me,
and super visible to the people
I wish would leave me alone.
(hissing)
Bertie: I got a too-cute face.
That's my problem.
I'm too freaking cute!
(crunches)
(yawns)
Oh.
Good morning, baby.
Oh, you would not believe
the day I have ahead of me.
My low-income housing complex
is up for design review.
Anyways.
Big day for speckle.
(exhales)
(shrieks)
Oh, my god.
Bertie, what happened?
What do you think?
I got eaten by a snake.
Ugh.
This is just what I need.
Perfect. Eaten by a snake.
[♪ ♪]
Uh-huh. Okay.
Well, I'll tell you
your problem.
You got eaten by a snake.
You don't think I know that?
Eaten by a snake?
I swear to god.
Is there anything we can do?
Nah, she's in there good.
Eventually, this guy's gonna
poop you out.
You just have to live your life
inside the snake for a few days.
And then live the rest
of your life as poop, I guess.
I don't really follow up
on what happens next.
That's it? I just have to wait?
Yup. In the future,
to prevent this,
don't get eaten by a snake.
I can't go into work like this.
Chef Garcia already
hates my ideas.
Now I'm also going to be
the employee
that got eaten by a snake?
Of course this would
happen to me.
Eaten by a freaking snake.
I have an announcement.
Operation Tuca dates
an alcoholic is a success.
Oh, wow.
He took me to a fancy art show
and he didn't even touch
the free wine,
which is impressive because
the art was really bad.
This is what passes for art?
A baby could have painted this.
And he's going to
take me out again today.
Hey, Bertie, there's
something different about you.
Did you get a new sweater?
Um, I got eaten by a snake.
Damn, Bertie, that's nasty.
Also, yes, I did get
a new sweater.
Thank you for noticing.
Well, I'm off to work, I guess.
Hope the snake I'm in
doesn't get eaten
by another snake
on the way there.
Oh, my god, a snake!
- Ew!
- Whoa!
[♪ ♪]
Oh, boy, here we go.
- Are you listening to a podcast?
- What?
I like podcasts, too. And music.
Hey, that lady doesn't know you.
Why don't you leave her alone?
Hey, now, I-I didn't realize
talking to this stranger
for no reason would disrupt you,
a person I've never met,
but am inclined to respect.
My sincerest apologies.
Don't apologize to me.
Apologize to her.
(shrieks) A snake!
En! I'm open!
(crunching)
Look at all these suckers
getting eaten by snakes.
- Couldn't be me.
- Great.
What do you want to do tonight?
I'll tell you what I'm not
going to do.
Get eaten by a snake.
No, sirree.
I'm very confident
on this matter.
You want to spend
another night with me?
You don't want to spend
a night alone
so you can drink?
Oh, as soon as we're
done hanging out,
I'm going to drink like crazy.
But while I've got you,
I want to be with you.
That's sweet.
But you know
what's even sweeter?
The fact that I'm not getting
eaten by a snake anytime soon.
Me, swallowed by a snake?
I'd like to see that,
but I never will
because it will not happen.
(hissing)
You thought that was going
to be a snake, didn't you?
(scoffs) Not on my watch.
[♪ ♪]
Aw, crud.
So... You got some
new ideas today?
(sighs) I didn't have time
to think of anything.
I got eaten by a snake.
Yeah, that'll happen.
(crunching)
Hey, could you stop
eating my salad?
You know what?
I was being a jerk just then.
- Help yourself.
- (crunching)
Ow! What the...
Okay, team,
what do we have today?
Bertie,
you're looking
particularly confident.
Love the hat.
Uh, yes. Okay.
Here's a new dessert idea.
And it is the idea
that I'm about to say.
Yes, that's been established.
Say the idea.
Uh... Salad.
Salad?
Bertie, that is
the opposite of dessert.
I don't know a word that is
less dessert than "salad."
Yes. But w-what if
it's a dessert
that looks like a salad,
but then, when you bite
into it, it's actually...
A dessert?
Hmm.
Dessert salads.
It's playful, it's clever,
and if you eat it at work,
everyone thinks
you're being healthy.
Great job.
Really? Wow.
Okay. Yeah.
(crunching)
Ah!
(grunting)
Speckle, I got
my pitch approved!
Great! The thing I was worried
about also turned out fine.
Awesome!
We need to celebrate.
I'm gonna break out
the champagne.
And this time, I won't be
afraid of the pop.
Yeah! Let's break it out
and snake it out.
[♪ ♪]
Yeah!
(shouting, laughing)
I-I'm not scared.
(phone ringing)
Who the hell is spam and why
does she keep calling you?
- Babe!
- (crunching)
Oh, no. You're not getting
out of this that easy.
Are you cheating on me
with a woman named spamela?
And furthermore,
I always look in toilets
before and after I use them.
And that is the 12th reason
why I, Tuca toucan,
will not be eaten by a snake.
Okay.
And speaking of toilets,
I'll be right back.
Well, I got eaten by a snake.
Oh, wow. Are you okay?
I'm fine. I got eaten
by a snake, who cares?
We don't need
to make a thing out of it.
It's kind of funny
because you were so adamant
just a second ago.
Why are you dwelling
on the past?
I'm in a snake now. So what?
It's weird that you keep
bringing it up.
(chuckles)
Welcome to two twigs.
Our drink special is
the philosopher's pretension.
A special kind of bourbon
that only tastes good
to those who are true
of heart. Ha.
Ooh, that sounds good.
Only if you're worthy.
(chuckles)
I'll give you a minute.
You want a drink, don't you?
I mean, yeah, I always
want a drink,
but I also want
to follow your rules.
Look, the only reason
why I set those rules is
I know how I was around alcohol.
I could never just
have a drink with dinner.
Oh, I know how to drink
without getting plastered,
but we agreed,
no drinking in front of you.
Yeah, but right now
I'm in this snake.
So, technically,
you're not in front of me.
Are you sure?
Yeah, go ahead!
It's snake rules, baby.
♪ We are snaking it up ♪
♪ Snaking it up tonight ♪
♪ Snaking it up ♪
♪ Till the feeling's right ♪
♪ Oh, I want you
to snake me, babe ♪
♪ snake it all night ♪
♪ it's just not fair ♪
♪ whoa, baby ♪
♪ snaking it up ♪
♪ oh, baby ♪
♪ you're snaking me down. ♪
Bertie:
You got eaten by a snake?
Tuca:
Yup. And I got figgy drunk.
- Whoa, boy.
- Turns out
he's a better drunk
than I ever was.
He's just doing the fun parts
and not the sad parts.
I should've thought of that.
So, speaking of fun parts...
Oh, I know that voice.
That's the voice of someone
who just got porked in a towel.
You know, I usually
get anxious during sex
because I can feel
speckle look at me
and I get in my own head
about reacting in the right way.
But when I'm in a snake,
he can't see me,
so I can just... Enjoy myself.
Bertie, you are living your best
snake self and I am here for it.
I feel so powerful.
(sighs)
[♪ ♪]
Bertie: Hey, Jamie,
does this wafer look like Kale?
Nah, just looks like
a moldy wafer.
Okay, maybe one more drop?
(explosion)
Whoa.
Ugh! This is so hard.
Why did I pitch this crazy idea?
My triangle cookies
were real touch and go
for a minute there too,
but then I found this.
♪ Hallelujah! ♪
Cool.
So, yeah, I'm pretty much done.
(vocalizing)
Tuca: Bertie,
I figured out my new thing.
Not being eaten by an eagle.
Okay. I'm kind of in the middle
of something right now.
Sorry, I couldn't see.
I'm inside a snake.
Quick question.
Is the snake inside an eagle?
How should I know?
I am also inside a snake.
Let's assume no.
Okay, while you're here,
maybe you can help me
think of things
that are in salads.
Bleh! I don't know
anything about salads
and salads don't know
anything about me.
- (crunching)
- Ooh, a delicious salad.
I'm stuck doing this project
just because I pitched it
while I was in a snake.
But bug bundts was
the actual good idea.
If only I'd pitched that
while in a snake.
You're in a snake now.
Why don't you just make
the thing you want to make?
What's Garcia gonna say?
She'd probably say, "great idea,
Bertie, who's been eaten
by a snake."
(gasps)
Oh, my god, that's exactly
what I want her to say.
Do it, Bertie!
Do the
sneaky-beaky snakey-bakey.
[♪ ♪]
♪ Do the sneaky-beaky
snakey-bakey ♪
(crunching)
♪ Do the sneaky-beaky
snakey-bakey. ♪
Bertie:
So, tell me more about figgy.
You two had a good time
last night?
Tuca:
You know it.
But things were a little off
this morning.
Off? How?
(yawning): Ah...
What do you want to do
today, big fig?
Roller rink? Ballet?
Make-a big-a pizza pie?
Maybe you should go.
For real? Oh, no.
What did I do?
Nothing. No, everything's fine.
I've had the best time with you.
But everyone needs
to be alone sometimes.
I'll call you
in a few days, yeah?
He's not going to call, is he?
Of course he is.
He probably just got
a little self-conscious
that he let his guard down
in front of you.
You think?
Remember when you used to drink?
Those nights you got
really sloppy
and I had to take care of you?
How'd you feel the next morning?
I felt bad.
But figgy wasn't like that.
He didn't steal a fire engine
or crash a fire engine,
or set a fire engine on fire.
On a Tuca scale,
he was like a two.
And even if he was a ten,
I wouldn't care.
I'd take care of him
like you took care of me.
I love him, Bertie.
Maybe he needs
to hear you say that.
You're right.
I'm gonna go tell him.
But not now.
I'm invested in your thing.
But the second your thing
gets less interesting,
- I'm out of here.
- (timer dings)
(gasps)
They're perfect.
[♪ ♪]
(line rings)
Hey. Chef Garcia,
get your ass over here.
What I've got is going to
knock your socks off.
So, I hope you've got nice feet
because, honey,
I'm gonna look at them
and name each individual toe.
That's weird,
ignore that last part.
(gurgling)
Okay, see you soon.
And remember, set your
expectations sky-high.
(gurgles)
What the hell?
Oh, no, the snake
is pooping you out!
No. Not now. Not now.
(groaning)
No! I need this, please.
Uh-oh! Bertie,
I think seeing your snake go
is making my snake
have to go, too.
(shouts)
(grunts)
Oh, god. Oh, god!
I'm open! I...
Oh, oh, mommy!
Hey, what happened to all
my lasagne ingredients?
(bell dings)
Oh!
(giggles)
Thank you.
(hissing)
What am I going to do?
Chef Garcia is on her way.
I can't pitch without
my snake power!
Bertie, don't you get it?
It was never about the snake.
The magic was in you all along.
Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. So, it's bug bundts.
From before.
But this time I made them.
I did it.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Sorry to the competition for
what they're gonna have to...
I made all six bugs
and I added even more bugs
with even more complicated
back stories.
One of the flavors
is now "bugs."
(shuddering)
What happened to
the salad thing?
Yeah, okay, but you only
liked that pitch
because I was inside a snake.
I worked so much harder
on the bug idea,
and it's better, chef Garcia.
And if you can't see that
because I'm not inside a snake,
then you're making
a big mistake.
A "misnake."
Huh. Yeah, maybe.
Maybe I liked the salads more
because you were in the snake.
Or maybe it was a better idea.
Or maybe you pitched it better.
Or maybe you pitched it worse,
but I liked that you hadn't
figured it all out yet.
Who knows?
Anyway, I chose salads.
So, you should probably spend
less time wondering why
and more time baking cakes
that look like croutons.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Okay, remember when I said
the magic was in you?
I was wrong.
The magic was 1,000% the snake.
- Aw.
- Okay, I'm gonna bounce.
Figgy, are you there?
I'm sorry if I made things weird
with all my rules.
I don't want you to feel like
you can't be yourself around me.
I love and accept you
as you are.
All of you.
Uh...
- Figgy?
- (rustling)
- (cracking)
- Figgy?
(groaning)
Is this because
I let you drink at dinner?
Did I send you down
a slippery slope?
Uh, no. No.
I do this when I'm alone.
Once a week. Twice, t-tops.
Your leaves are dying.
Give a few days.
He'll grow back.
Figgy, I don't think this is...
Hey! What's my one rule?
(exhales)
(slurring): Come on, I just
need for myself sometime.
It's not hurting anyone.
You're right, I broke your rule.
Let's just...
Why don't you call me
when you're feeling better?
I love you.
I love you too, sweetie-tooks.
(sighs)
(shudders)
Hi, again. Hi.
I don't want to lie to you and
pretend that I'm okay with this.
I know nothing I say
is going to change you,
but I can't care about you
and know that you're
hurting yourself.
I just can't.
I'm sorry.
Does this look like an olive?
I think you're doing
a great job.
(sighs)
Why do I care so much, speckle?
You know, everything
would be so much easier
if I could just be a cool,
tough, emotionless snake.
Well, for what it's worth,
I like not-cool, tender,
emotional Bertie.
In fact,
olive her.
- Mwah.
- (giggles)
Speckle.
(knocking on door)
Uh...
Bertie, I'm sad.
[♪ ♪]
[♪ ♪]
(groaning)
(hissing)
(screaming)
(dogs barking)
- He drinks, Bertie.
- Wow.
- But it's okay.
Figgy and I were
talking about it today
- while we were out hunting.
- What?
(birds singing)
(slurping)
Ah! Come on.
Nice one.
You know, figgy, I was thinking
about what you told me.
Oh?
So, you drink.
I used to drink, I get it.
But maybe we should
set up some ground rules.
- (splats)
- Paintballer: Why?!
I haven't been given rules
since I was ten rings old,
but sure, let's hear them.
- Don't drink in front of me.
- Sure.
Don't drink so much
I have to take you
- to the hospital.
- Easy.
No home brewing.
Not because it's alcohol,
but because it's annoying.
Ew, I would never.
And finally,
don't make me wear pants.
My ex made me wear pants
and she was bad news.
Was that your main
takeaway on Kara?
That she sucked because
she made you wear pants?
It's what the pants
represented, Bertie.
They represented that
she made me wear pants.
All right.
I have one rule for you.
Aw, I hate rules. This sucks!
Just one.
Don't ask me to stop drinking.
I love you, but I know myself
and I'm not going to change.
Oh, I get that.
Back when I drank,
the more people tried
to get me to quit,
the more I didn't want to.
(mockingly):
"Tuca, please quit."
(regular voice):
"Why don't you quit
annoying me?"
(mockingly):
"Tuca, you have a problem."
(regular voice):
"A problem with you
being a whiner!"
(mockingly):
"Who are you and why are you
streaking at this middle school
science fair?"
(regular voice):
"Bitch, you think I know?"
(Tuca grunts)
It sounds like you're going
into this with both eyes open.
Bertie, for a guy
as fine as figgy,
I'm going in with
all my holes open.
Female announcer:
The northbound snake train
will be delayed one hour
due to a medical issue.
"Medical issue"?
Let's hoof it from here.
[♪ ♪]
(hissing)
Female announcer:
The miracle of birth,
now on platform six.
Please stand clear
of life's glorious pageant.
[♪ ♪]
♪ Tuca and Bertie and Tuca and
Bertie and Bertie and Tuca ♪
♪ And Tuca and Bertie,
Tuca and Bertie ♪
♪ tu-tu-Tuca ♪
- ♪ Tuca ♪
- ♪ and Bertie. ♪
(vocalizing)
Good night, Tuca.
Let's keep hanging out.
It's only 9:00 P.M.
The 9:00 A.M. Of nights.
(sighs) I've got
a big day tomorrow.
I'm pitching a new product line
to chef Garcia
and I got to prep for it.
Ah, you're gonna
kill it, Bertie,
kill it dead.
Really murder the crap out
of that pitch,
then douse the floor with bleach
and Bury that pitch
in the woods, Bertie.
[♪ ♪]
(meowing)
- (hisses)
- (yowling)
(choir sings)
- (snoring)
- Bertie?
I'm going to wake you up gently
so you don't startle, okay?
(screams)
Oh, shit! Oh, what time is it?
I'm late. Time is a dick.
(shoes screeching)
(exclaims)
Excuse me. Move.
Oh! Come on. Really?
Ah!
(door chimes)
Ow! Excuse me.
Ouch. Ow.
(grunts)
(exhales)
Today's many baked goods
present an opportunity
for us to rise to the occasion.
Looking at some cards, huh?
I like to look at stuff.
I'm sorry,
I-I'm just trying to work.
What's your work?
Does it involve
looking at stuff?
Bertie, make your face look
less approachable.
Be an ice bitch.
- Damn it!
- Woman: Would you hold
my baby for a sec?
Why would I...?
I want to play
a game on my phone.
Oh, no thanks,
I don't really want to...
(baby cooing)
Um, excuse me,
I-I think your baby...
Game voice:
Winner!
(gagging)
- (tittering)
- (baby retching)
Ah! Your baby totally beefed
all over me!
I know. Babies.
Sometimes it's like, why did we
even sign up for this, right?
I didn't sign up for it.
Yeah, tell me about it.
(beeps)
(crunches)
Okay, Bertie, what do you got?
Okay.
Consumers love
winter snacks, right?
But how do we build on that
with desserts that are fun
and tell a story?
Presenting...
...Bug bundts.
Mini bundt cakes
shaped like bugs.
Each package has
six distinct bugs
with their own shape
and back story.
I've designed
six distinct flavor profiles:
Chocolate, red velvet,
French vanilla,
je ne sais quoi,
birthday sprinkles,
and miscellaneous!
Nah. What else you got?
What?
(stammers)
This was my only idea.
I-I made samples.
Would you like to try?
No, I get it. Bugs.
It's not right for winter snacks.
Jamie, what do you got?
Uh, yeah, I was thinking
cookies that are triangles,
and they come in one flavor.
Cookie.
Hmm, I like it.
It's smart in a stupid
sort of way.
Whip up some prototypes
and make them isosceles.
(chuckles)
Isosceles, you sosceles,
- we all sosceles for...
- Bertie.
Why don't you bring in
some more ideas tomorrow?
Yes, chef.
(crunching)
Ow!
"What else you got?"
What else I got?
Don't you think if I got else,
I would have said else?
Clearly, I do not got else!
You should get some sleep.
Some of my best ideas
come to me in my dreams.
(screaming)
Ooh, that's a great
window design.
(screaming)
I can't. I have to come up
with a whole new thing.
Okay, then.
Don't worry about me,
I'll just kiss myself
night night.
(kissing):
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
Okay, okay.
New pastry. All right.
Miniature croissants
with tiny hot dogs inside?
I'll call them porks in a towel.
Nope, that's just
pigs in a blanket.
Damn it!
(knocking at door)
Huh...
Oh.
What do you want?
Well, you can't come in here.
Shoo. Shoo.
Fine. Come in. Stay out.
Nobody cares
what I think, anyway.
No one takes me seriously.
I mean, I'm invisible to all
the people I want to see me,
and super visible to the people
I wish would leave me alone.
(hissing)
Bertie: I got a too-cute face.
That's my problem.
I'm too freaking cute!
(crunches)
(yawns)
Oh.
Good morning, baby.
Oh, you would not believe
the day I have ahead of me.
My low-income housing complex
is up for design review.
Anyways.
Big day for speckle.
(exhales)
(shrieks)
Oh, my god.
Bertie, what happened?
What do you think?
I got eaten by a snake.
Ugh.
This is just what I need.
Perfect. Eaten by a snake.
[♪ ♪]
Uh-huh. Okay.
Well, I'll tell you
your problem.
You got eaten by a snake.
You don't think I know that?
Eaten by a snake?
I swear to god.
Is there anything we can do?
Nah, she's in there good.
Eventually, this guy's gonna
poop you out.
You just have to live your life
inside the snake for a few days.
And then live the rest
of your life as poop, I guess.
I don't really follow up
on what happens next.
That's it? I just have to wait?
Yup. In the future,
to prevent this,
don't get eaten by a snake.
I can't go into work like this.
Chef Garcia already
hates my ideas.
Now I'm also going to be
the employee
that got eaten by a snake?
Of course this would
happen to me.
Eaten by a freaking snake.
I have an announcement.
Operation Tuca dates
an alcoholic is a success.
Oh, wow.
He took me to a fancy art show
and he didn't even touch
the free wine,
which is impressive because
the art was really bad.
This is what passes for art?
A baby could have painted this.
And he's going to
take me out again today.
Hey, Bertie, there's
something different about you.
Did you get a new sweater?
Um, I got eaten by a snake.
Damn, Bertie, that's nasty.
Also, yes, I did get
a new sweater.
Thank you for noticing.
Well, I'm off to work, I guess.
Hope the snake I'm in
doesn't get eaten
by another snake
on the way there.
Oh, my god, a snake!
- Ew!
- Whoa!
[♪ ♪]
Oh, boy, here we go.
- Are you listening to a podcast?
- What?
I like podcasts, too. And music.
Hey, that lady doesn't know you.
Why don't you leave her alone?
Hey, now, I-I didn't realize
talking to this stranger
for no reason would disrupt you,
a person I've never met,
but am inclined to respect.
My sincerest apologies.
Don't apologize to me.
Apologize to her.
(shrieks) A snake!
En! I'm open!
(crunching)
Look at all these suckers
getting eaten by snakes.
- Couldn't be me.
- Great.
What do you want to do tonight?
I'll tell you what I'm not
going to do.
Get eaten by a snake.
No, sirree.
I'm very confident
on this matter.
You want to spend
another night with me?
You don't want to spend
a night alone
so you can drink?
Oh, as soon as we're
done hanging out,
I'm going to drink like crazy.
But while I've got you,
I want to be with you.
That's sweet.
But you know
what's even sweeter?
The fact that I'm not getting
eaten by a snake anytime soon.
Me, swallowed by a snake?
I'd like to see that,
but I never will
because it will not happen.
(hissing)
You thought that was going
to be a snake, didn't you?
(scoffs) Not on my watch.
[♪ ♪]
Aw, crud.
So... You got some
new ideas today?
(sighs) I didn't have time
to think of anything.
I got eaten by a snake.
Yeah, that'll happen.
(crunching)
Hey, could you stop
eating my salad?
You know what?
I was being a jerk just then.
- Help yourself.
- (crunching)
Ow! What the...
Okay, team,
what do we have today?
Bertie,
you're looking
particularly confident.
Love the hat.
Uh, yes. Okay.
Here's a new dessert idea.
And it is the idea
that I'm about to say.
Yes, that's been established.
Say the idea.
Uh... Salad.
Salad?
Bertie, that is
the opposite of dessert.
I don't know a word that is
less dessert than "salad."
Yes. But w-what if
it's a dessert
that looks like a salad,
but then, when you bite
into it, it's actually...
A dessert?
Hmm.
Dessert salads.
It's playful, it's clever,
and if you eat it at work,
everyone thinks
you're being healthy.
Great job.
Really? Wow.
Okay. Yeah.
(crunching)
Ah!
(grunting)
Speckle, I got
my pitch approved!
Great! The thing I was worried
about also turned out fine.
Awesome!
We need to celebrate.
I'm gonna break out
the champagne.
And this time, I won't be
afraid of the pop.
Yeah! Let's break it out
and snake it out.
[♪ ♪]
Yeah!
(shouting, laughing)
I-I'm not scared.
(phone ringing)
Who the hell is spam and why
does she keep calling you?
- Babe!
- (crunching)
Oh, no. You're not getting
out of this that easy.
Are you cheating on me
with a woman named spamela?
And furthermore,
I always look in toilets
before and after I use them.
And that is the 12th reason
why I, Tuca toucan,
will not be eaten by a snake.
Okay.
And speaking of toilets,
I'll be right back.
Well, I got eaten by a snake.
Oh, wow. Are you okay?
I'm fine. I got eaten
by a snake, who cares?
We don't need
to make a thing out of it.
It's kind of funny
because you were so adamant
just a second ago.
Why are you dwelling
on the past?
I'm in a snake now. So what?
It's weird that you keep
bringing it up.
(chuckles)
Welcome to two twigs.
Our drink special is
the philosopher's pretension.
A special kind of bourbon
that only tastes good
to those who are true
of heart. Ha.
Ooh, that sounds good.
Only if you're worthy.
(chuckles)
I'll give you a minute.
You want a drink, don't you?
I mean, yeah, I always
want a drink,
but I also want
to follow your rules.
Look, the only reason
why I set those rules is
I know how I was around alcohol.
I could never just
have a drink with dinner.
Oh, I know how to drink
without getting plastered,
but we agreed,
no drinking in front of you.
Yeah, but right now
I'm in this snake.
So, technically,
you're not in front of me.
Are you sure?
Yeah, go ahead!
It's snake rules, baby.
♪ We are snaking it up ♪
♪ Snaking it up tonight ♪
♪ Snaking it up ♪
♪ Till the feeling's right ♪
♪ Oh, I want you
to snake me, babe ♪
♪ snake it all night ♪
♪ it's just not fair ♪
♪ whoa, baby ♪
♪ snaking it up ♪
♪ oh, baby ♪
♪ you're snaking me down. ♪
Bertie:
You got eaten by a snake?
Tuca:
Yup. And I got figgy drunk.
- Whoa, boy.
- Turns out
he's a better drunk
than I ever was.
He's just doing the fun parts
and not the sad parts.
I should've thought of that.
So, speaking of fun parts...
Oh, I know that voice.
That's the voice of someone
who just got porked in a towel.
You know, I usually
get anxious during sex
because I can feel
speckle look at me
and I get in my own head
about reacting in the right way.
But when I'm in a snake,
he can't see me,
so I can just... Enjoy myself.
Bertie, you are living your best
snake self and I am here for it.
I feel so powerful.
(sighs)
[♪ ♪]
Bertie: Hey, Jamie,
does this wafer look like Kale?
Nah, just looks like
a moldy wafer.
Okay, maybe one more drop?
(explosion)
Whoa.
Ugh! This is so hard.
Why did I pitch this crazy idea?
My triangle cookies
were real touch and go
for a minute there too,
but then I found this.
♪ Hallelujah! ♪
Cool.
So, yeah, I'm pretty much done.
(vocalizing)
Tuca: Bertie,
I figured out my new thing.
Not being eaten by an eagle.
Okay. I'm kind of in the middle
of something right now.
Sorry, I couldn't see.
I'm inside a snake.
Quick question.
Is the snake inside an eagle?
How should I know?
I am also inside a snake.
Let's assume no.
Okay, while you're here,
maybe you can help me
think of things
that are in salads.
Bleh! I don't know
anything about salads
and salads don't know
anything about me.
- (crunching)
- Ooh, a delicious salad.
I'm stuck doing this project
just because I pitched it
while I was in a snake.
But bug bundts was
the actual good idea.
If only I'd pitched that
while in a snake.
You're in a snake now.
Why don't you just make
the thing you want to make?
What's Garcia gonna say?
She'd probably say, "great idea,
Bertie, who's been eaten
by a snake."
(gasps)
Oh, my god, that's exactly
what I want her to say.
Do it, Bertie!
Do the
sneaky-beaky snakey-bakey.
[♪ ♪]
♪ Do the sneaky-beaky
snakey-bakey ♪
(crunching)
♪ Do the sneaky-beaky
snakey-bakey. ♪
Bertie:
So, tell me more about figgy.
You two had a good time
last night?
Tuca:
You know it.
But things were a little off
this morning.
Off? How?
(yawning): Ah...
What do you want to do
today, big fig?
Roller rink? Ballet?
Make-a big-a pizza pie?
Maybe you should go.
For real? Oh, no.
What did I do?
Nothing. No, everything's fine.
I've had the best time with you.
But everyone needs
to be alone sometimes.
I'll call you
in a few days, yeah?
He's not going to call, is he?
Of course he is.
He probably just got
a little self-conscious
that he let his guard down
in front of you.
You think?
Remember when you used to drink?
Those nights you got
really sloppy
and I had to take care of you?
How'd you feel the next morning?
I felt bad.
But figgy wasn't like that.
He didn't steal a fire engine
or crash a fire engine,
or set a fire engine on fire.
On a Tuca scale,
he was like a two.
And even if he was a ten,
I wouldn't care.
I'd take care of him
like you took care of me.
I love him, Bertie.
Maybe he needs
to hear you say that.
You're right.
I'm gonna go tell him.
But not now.
I'm invested in your thing.
But the second your thing
gets less interesting,
- I'm out of here.
- (timer dings)
(gasps)
They're perfect.
[♪ ♪]
(line rings)
Hey. Chef Garcia,
get your ass over here.
What I've got is going to
knock your socks off.
So, I hope you've got nice feet
because, honey,
I'm gonna look at them
and name each individual toe.
That's weird,
ignore that last part.
(gurgling)
Okay, see you soon.
And remember, set your
expectations sky-high.
(gurgles)
What the hell?
Oh, no, the snake
is pooping you out!
No. Not now. Not now.
(groaning)
No! I need this, please.
Uh-oh! Bertie,
I think seeing your snake go
is making my snake
have to go, too.
(shouts)
(grunts)
Oh, god. Oh, god!
I'm open! I...
Oh, oh, mommy!
Hey, what happened to all
my lasagne ingredients?
(bell dings)
Oh!
(giggles)
Thank you.
(hissing)
What am I going to do?
Chef Garcia is on her way.
I can't pitch without
my snake power!
Bertie, don't you get it?
It was never about the snake.
The magic was in you all along.
Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. So, it's bug bundts.
From before.
But this time I made them.
I did it.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Sorry to the competition for
what they're gonna have to...
I made all six bugs
and I added even more bugs
with even more complicated
back stories.
One of the flavors
is now "bugs."
(shuddering)
What happened to
the salad thing?
Yeah, okay, but you only
liked that pitch
because I was inside a snake.
I worked so much harder
on the bug idea,
and it's better, chef Garcia.
And if you can't see that
because I'm not inside a snake,
then you're making
a big mistake.
A "misnake."
Huh. Yeah, maybe.
Maybe I liked the salads more
because you were in the snake.
Or maybe it was a better idea.
Or maybe you pitched it better.
Or maybe you pitched it worse,
but I liked that you hadn't
figured it all out yet.
Who knows?
Anyway, I chose salads.
So, you should probably spend
less time wondering why
and more time baking cakes
that look like croutons.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Okay, remember when I said
the magic was in you?
I was wrong.
The magic was 1,000% the snake.
- Aw.
- Okay, I'm gonna bounce.
Figgy, are you there?
I'm sorry if I made things weird
with all my rules.
I don't want you to feel like
you can't be yourself around me.
I love and accept you
as you are.
All of you.
Uh...
- Figgy?
- (rustling)
- (cracking)
- Figgy?
(groaning)
Is this because
I let you drink at dinner?
Did I send you down
a slippery slope?
Uh, no. No.
I do this when I'm alone.
Once a week. Twice, t-tops.
Your leaves are dying.
Give a few days.
He'll grow back.
Figgy, I don't think this is...
Hey! What's my one rule?
(exhales)
(slurring): Come on, I just
need for myself sometime.
It's not hurting anyone.
You're right, I broke your rule.
Let's just...
Why don't you call me
when you're feeling better?
I love you.
I love you too, sweetie-tooks.
(sighs)
(shudders)
Hi, again. Hi.
I don't want to lie to you and
pretend that I'm okay with this.
I know nothing I say
is going to change you,
but I can't care about you
and know that you're
hurting yourself.
I just can't.
I'm sorry.
Does this look like an olive?
I think you're doing
a great job.
(sighs)
Why do I care so much, speckle?
You know, everything
would be so much easier
if I could just be a cool,
tough, emotionless snake.
Well, for what it's worth,
I like not-cool, tender,
emotional Bertie.
In fact,
olive her.
- Mwah.
- (giggles)
Speckle.
(knocking on door)
Uh...
Bertie, I'm sad.
[♪ ♪]
[♪ ♪]
(groaning)
(hissing)
(screaming)
(dogs barking)