Trailer Park Boys (2001–2018): Season 8, Episode 4 - Orangie's Pretty Fuckin' Tough - full transcript

Ricky! Ricky! Wake the fuck
up! Ricky, get up!

Bubbles, fuck off! I'm
sleeping in today.

No, you're not. You told me you
were gonna help me put up

flyers for the grand opening
of the Shed and Breakfast.

Get the fuck up. Come on.
Get up.

All right, all right.
Fuck. I'm up.

Why are your pants down?

I don't know.
Pull them up. Get up.

You're sleeping out on
the fucking ground with your
pants down.

Okay Bubs but I gotta have a
fucking quick little shower man.

I gotta wash my hair and
my balls. My cock's got



barnacles growing on it.
It's been a fucking week.

Get your legs under ya. Jesus.
Holy fuck. Orangie!

Ah you finally passed out
in the pool, did ya buddy?

Ah okay. Looks like he's
sleeping in too. Don't
wake him up, okay?

I'll wake him up in an hour
when it's time to feed him.

We fucking partied last night.
What?

Oh fuck yeah. Gave him
some shooters and some

bottle tokes. We were both
pretty fucked up, man.

Ricky, how many shooters
did you give him?

Oh I don't know. Five or
six.

[CRASH]
Fuck! Jesus Christ! Fuck.

What is wrong with you?

All right. I'm just gonna have
a quick shower. I'll be there.

Ricky, I'm just gonna take
Orangie in to get him



out of the sun. Don't
worry. I won't wake him.

Ricky:
Okay. Be careful, Bubs.

[laboured breaths]

Ah I got really fucked up
last night with Orangie,

because, I couldn't get things
worked out in my head what

I'm gonna do about Jacob
so when that happens

my brain says get drunk and high
and maybe you'll work it all out

and I did and I still don't know
what I'm gonna do with Jacob

but we got fucked up on hash
tokes and shooters

and Orangie's pretty fucking
tough. Woke up this morning

with my fucking pants down
and my hands on my cock,

thanks to Orangie.

Julian. Julian. Fuck! Julian,
wake the fuck up! We got a

serious situation here. We
got one hour to rectify it.

What happened?
Ricky thinks he's sleeping in.

Oh come on. He's not that dumb,
is he?

Did you really just ask me that?
It's Ricky!

Smokes. Let's go, Cory.

Good job. Way to be ready.

There you
go, bud.

Towel. Let's go.

All right. Start the
fucking car.

It's kind of wet.
No fucking talking.

Floor it, Cory.
Fucking floor it!

Julian, we have to replace
this fish. If Ricky finds out

Orangie's dead,
he's gonna be crushed.

And he's gonna be
fucking useless to us.

We can't let that happen, man.

Well considering the
fact that he just

showered under a
sunroof and he's got

a muffler exhaust
drying his hair,

I'm pretty confident
we can outsmart him.

Is that cooking spray?

Ricky, thinks it's
called hair shellac.

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Hey Julian, if you hold that
thing up to the sky do you

think He-man might show up?

Fuck off Bubs. Some people
actually think these things

work, you know.
Oh I know they do.

They're called crazy
people.

Jacob: Hey Ricky,
could I talk to you...

Jacob, not right now. I
cannot fucking talk to you.

I got a lotta things I gotta
sort out in my fucking head

about all this shit.
How's Orangie doing, man?

I don't know, man. His
eyes are open but he's

still fucking sleeping.
It's weird.

All right. Let's start from
that end, work our way back.

Get
this over with. Okay, man.

Try to wake up soon little
buddy. I'm getting worried.

Bubbles: Okay here boys.

I thought you could
start with those.

Holy fuck!

I'm just gonna head
into the mall quickly

but I'll meet
up with ya.

What are you talking about?
I thought we were putting

flyers up. What the fuck
do you need at the mall?

I was just gonna get us
some egg rolls for lunch.

I'm not gonna go and put all
these fucking flyers up on cars

while you go in shopping
and fucking eating, having

a good time. Send
those dicks in.

All right. Well here, Cory,
Jacob, you guys head in

and get the egg rolls that
we came here to get.

All right? Make sure
you get the kind we came

here to get. (whispering)
You boys go the fuck in the

mall, find a fish that looks
just like Orangie.

Do not fuck this up.

Where do we go?

You go where they sell
fish you fucking idiot.

Dude, I love egg rolls.

I'll just start down this
end,boys.

Ricky: Okay Bubs.

You just stay sleeping
there, Orangie.

Poor little cocksucker.

Lahey: Thanks for getting me
out of bed for this, George.

They're putting flyers on
cars. I'm going home.

Jim, they're obviously up
to something. I suggest

you go down there and kinda
bump into them, you know?

See if you can get in
tighter, make them think
you're their friend.

Oh, that'd be really
great George. They wouldn't
suspect anything then.

George, a sting like this
takes concentration and

patience and brains.
Something you, unfortunately

always lacked as
a police officer.

Reverse distraction scenario.
Wherever Ricky and Julian

had Bubbles send
those shit idiots, that's

where the real fucking
action's going down.

Like shootin' shit fish
in a shit barrel.

Ahh there's the
beef and there's the fish.

Oh dude. Look,
man. It's dead. It's dead.

This doesn't seem
right, Cory. I didn't think
they sold live fish here.

Yeah, they sell lobster and
if you put your hand in the

tank they bite. Trust me.
Yeah. You're right.

Can I help you guys with
something?

Yeah, dude. Look. I need a
goldfish like that big.

It's gotta be alive.
Goldfish?

Yeah.
You serious?

Man, I don't know why
Cory's in charge of me.

Since Julian is in charge
of Ricky, I should be in

charge of Cory, right?
'Cause Julian's smarter

than Ricky so I must
be smarter than Cory.

Man, we don't even sell live
fish, let alone goldfish.

Jacob: Fuck!
Generally people don't eat them.

Well what about lobster?

Well lobster's a different story
but we don't have any goldfish.

Cory: Yo. Fish sticks!

See? I should be in
charge of Cory. Right?

I know you think Jacob's a
fuck head and he's really

stupid but he's actually a
pretty good guy you know.

Julian, I can't get it
wrapped all around my

fucking head. I'm gonna be
related to Jacob.

That's fucked!
[laughing] That's not how it
works, man.

You're not gonna be related
to him like that.

Well I don't know how any of
this shit works.

You know what?
We could be making

a shit ton of money
in this parking lot today.

What are you talking about?
Breaking into cars?

What about the V-Team and
all the Bubbles stuff?

Does Bubbles have to
know about it?

You're serious.
Yes. Look at this.

Holy fuck! Right fucking
on Julian. I haven't broken

into cars in a long time.
Julian: Let's go.

Ricky: Let's go get my
Slim Jims and fucking

garbage bags, do this right.
What the fuck is that?

Just take it, take it, take it.

Breaking into cars
at the mall is fucking

awesome and one of the best
ways to do it is pretend you're

putting flyers under people's
window shield wipers and

basically walk right up to the
cars, see if there's anything

inside worth taking. If
the cops show up

you've got the perfect
excuse. It's fucking sweet.

Fuck I miss this, Julian. I
forgot how much fun this is!

Fuck!

All my colours fucked up!

Yellow, white, red, blue&

[Cory and Jacob talking
as they approach]

Bubbles: I need a fucking orange
in here.

Cory: I was right. Yeah.
That guy was full of shit.

Bubbles:
Boys. Where's the fish?

Bad news, dude. They
don't sell any live fish.

They're all frozen.
No lobsters either.

Did you fucking idiots go to
the grocery store?

Cory: Yeah. They sell fish.
Jacob: And lobsters usually.

Are you two dick pinchers
huffing fucking glue?

Boys, the pet store.
How about that for an idea?

Ah dude. I think the pet
store only sells cats and dogs.

I'm pretty sure.
Jacob: And lizards.

Anyway, we'll go to the
pet store now. Just don't

tell Ricky we fucked
up, all right?

Yeah. Don't tell Julian either.
That's good, man. Thanks.

Jacob: Yeah.
Bubbles: Un-fucking-believable.

Get the fuck to
the pet store!

Hurry up before
it's feeding time!

Cory: What if they're frozen?

They're not gonna be frozen!

Calm down, Bubbles.
Deep breaths. [deep breath]

This whole trying to find
a goldfish to replace

Orangie thing is fucking
pissing me off.

I should be out putting
flyers up for my Shed and

Breakfast. Look at this. Grand
opening. I got half price on

kitty daycare coupons, all you
can eat pancake breakfast

coupons. This is gonna
bring the customers in

and I don't have
time to put them out.

It's pissing me off!

Get the fuck out of there, you
fucking asshole! Fuck!

Would you calm the
fuck down? This is still
illegal you know.

A baby seat? You gotta steal
shit that's worth some money.

I'm trying to get some stuff
for Trinity and my grandchild.

Do you think Jacob, that
twiggy fucking alien's gonna

get any of this
stuff for her?

Fuck. Just a second. You didn't
unbuckle it.

Well I probably loosened it
at least. Just a second, man.

There's a stuffed animal
in there.

Julian: [sigh] Come on. That's
enough.

I'm serious. Not a fucking word
to Bubbles about any of this.

Dude, I don't know.
That looks way too small.

It's close enough. I wonder
why they call them goldfish

though when they're orange.
I don't get it.

Yeah it's ridiculous dude.
Excuse me!

Thanks dude.
Thanks man.

Nice! Mission accomplished.
Nice work buddy.

Dude, let's get some egg rolls.
We nailed it.

Ricky:
It's a pretty good haul, man.

Trinity's gonna love
that baby seat.

Rick, why would you take
something like that?

Who the fuck is Naynay?

It might be something good.
[To Police] How's it going?

Fuck off.

Orangie! Will you please wake
the fuck up!

Bubbles: Ricky. Ricky.
Ricky. Just hang on.

You don't wanna jostle
him awake like that.

He'll be grumpy the rest
of the day.

I've just never seen him
crash this hard.

I'm just worried there's
something wrong with him.

He's sick or something?

Like he's never slept
this fucking long.

Oh Ricky, think how much
liquor he had, you know?

His little liver's probably no
bigger than a sesame seed.

He's probably just
really hung over.

I don't know boys.
There's probably some

medicine people there at
the dentist-try. I'd rather

get a fucking doctor to look at
him or something.

Ricky, I'm sure he's fine.

What if he's not?
If anything happens

to him I'm not sure what I'd
do, boys. I fucking love him.

Ricky. Julian, we can
probably get somebody at the

medicine place to look at
him for Ricky, couldn't we?

[mouthing words to each other]

Egg rolls.

Maybe we should take the
goldfish back first.

Or maybe we get the
goldfish and egg rolls,

then everyone will be proud of
us, dude. We're in there.

Yeah, good call.
Let's go.

Randy: Mr. Lahey!

Randy. How's
it going, bud?

Fine.

Let me give you a lift
back to the park.

No, I'm good Mr. Lahey.

I wouldn't mind having
a coffee and waiting

around for a little while
for you, bud.

No, I'll head back with
Don when we're all done.

We still have to go
underwear shopping.

Ricky: He's got a weird smell
coming off him, Bubbles.

Bubbles: He probably just& he's
probably just sweating, Ricky.

Fish sweat?

Yeah, they sweat when they're
sleeping.

With all the bullshit that's
going on right now,

the last thing that we
should be dealing with

is Ricky's dead fucking
goldfish.

We should just
tell him he's dead.

We're not telling him he's dead.
He doesn't know anything

about death. He doesn't
understand that type of

stuff. Do you want him that
distracted when we're trying

to buy the park?
No.

Play along.

Julian: All right.
Just go take a seat, boys.

Can I help you?
(hushed tone) I hope so.

My best friend over
there with the goldfish?

He's mentally unstable and
he's off his meds. The other

guy with the glasses? That's
his counselor. He's trying

to get him out of here
before he starts freaking

out. So I need you to do me
a favour. Can you go over

and check his fish out, see,
you know, tell him it's fine,

that it's just sick
and it's sleeping.

Then we'll get him back to the
institution. He's having a

rough time. His, his mother
left him that fish before she

died so...
My God. What a sin.

You know I'm not a doctor.

Do you think he's gonna
believe me?

Well he thinks his fish
is hung over and just
sleeping...

so yeah. Thank you.

Ricky: Wake the fuck up.
You're okay.

Rick. Doctor.

Hi there.
Hi.

You have some concerns
about your little friend?

Yeah. I mean I know
you're a peoples doctor.

I was just wondering
if you could have a look at

him. He just, he won't
fucking wake up.

I'm getting worried.

Yes. He's definitely in
a very deep sleep,

[sigh]
but he's alive.

Thank
Santa's tits. Yeah Ricky.

See? He's all right, buddy.
Did, uh, he have a rough

night by chance? It wasn't
that rough a night. I mean

he did some shooters and
four or five bottle tokes,

but that was over
like six hours so.

I see. Well I'd recommend
he stay off the booze
and the drugs.

For how long?

Two to six weeks.

Oh fuck. Sorry
little buddy. That sucks!

Just let him
sleep it off. He'll be fine.

Ah doc. I owe you big time.
Here's a couple ten gram

hash coins. Yeah! You're
gonna be fine, little buddy.

Thank you.

Ricky:
We'll have you back on
the booze and the hash and...

Thank you.
Sorry about those.

You want me to
take those back for you?

No.
No? All right. Thank you.

Bubbles:
Just let him come out of
his sleep slowly, Ricky.

You don't want to jar him awake.

Bartender:
Can I help you?

Uh yeah.

Ten egg rolls please.

Two minutes.

Dude, these look way more like
Orangie than what we got.

What should we do?

We gotta take one of
these.

I don't know man.

Just cover me, dude. It'll be
no problem. I do this

all the time.
Look. Grab...

They're really slippery.

I know. Hold on. Look I got, I
got one. Awesome. Look at that.

It's just like Orangie.

Bartender: Hey!
What do you think you're doing?

Uh nothing. It's him.
[finger crunch]
Ah!

What are you doing, girl?

Ow! Ah. Aw. Ah.

[choking] Dude.
She punched me in the throat.

Bartender [on phone]:
This is Ho Phuck restaurant.
We're being robbed!

Cory: Dude, let's go.
She called the cops! Go!

I think she broke my wrist!

Oh. Oh my god.
She's coming. Go. Go dude.

Subjects are on the move,
George. Coming out the front!

Ricky:
Trying to make my
fucking heart attack?

Just let him sleep, Ricky. Don't
wake him up.

[POLICE SIREN] Woop! Woop!

Julian: God damn it.
Bubbles: What the fuck is this?

What? Are you gonna make
everything magically go away

with your fucking power of
Eternia? Put that away and

let me do the talking.

What did you guys do?

Broke into a few cars.
It's not a big deal.

We'll say you had
nothing to do with it.

Fuck. I've been with you
all day. That means I did have

something to fucking do with it.
[crying] I can't believe

you guys broke up
the V-Team.

I'm sorry Bubbles.

I just grabbed a few things
for my grandchild!

Fuck off Ricky.

Police: Freeze!
Down on the ground! Now!

Bubbles: We're not resisting.

Cory: Ah, ah. Just
don't, don't say anything.

Julian:
Come on. Let's go.

Ricky:
Come on boys. Let's get
the fuck out of here.

Officer: Back off George.
Let the real cops handle this.

George:
[sigh] Come on guys.

Julian: I'm sorry we broke into
cars. It's the only thing

I could do to distract
him from the Orangie bullshit.

Well you have to fucking&.
it's too dangerous

and too stressful to
keep things from me.

I got a skid mark in
my underwear now.

Lahey:
I want you to fire him,
Randy.

What? I'm not going to
fire him.

Well do you love him?

Mr. Lahey, there is
absolutely nothing wrong

with two good-looking
coworkers going for a

pedicure on their lunch break.

There's no way I want you
hanging around with him

outside of working hours and
it's that simple.

It's not gonna happen. I'm
getting sick of this jealousy

bullshit. I'm sleeping on
the couch tonight.

Go ahead. Sleep on the goddamn
couch. See if I care.

I hope he breaks your heart.

The burgers are fine!

Nice and juicy, just the
way I like 'em!

Hey Trin. Congratulations
sweetie.

You're not angry?

No, I'm not angry. I'm just
feeling, I don't even know,

just worried I guess. I mean
Jacob's gonna have to step

up to the plate now and I
don't know if he's gonna

be able to, that's all.

I got you some great stuff.

Wow. This is awesome!

It's the least I can do.
I'm you're father.

We're gonna figure
all this out. I promise.

I love you.

I love you too.

Rick, I love the way
that you're handling all this.

It's, it's really cool.

Good.

George:
What the hell's going on
here?

Calm down frog tits.

I'm just dropping some
stuff off for my daughter.

Must have been a big sale at the
mall today was there, Rick?

There, yeah, there was
actually, yeah. There was.

Well see you soon guys. I
love you sweetie.

Thanks for not selling
me under the bus

in there George. I really
apprecialate it. Okay?

Yeah. No problem,
Rick. I don't see any

reason why we can't
at least get along here.

Good haul Jules.

We can unload shit
like this anytime.

You really need to consider
me, you and J teaming up.

Seriously.

I'll talk to him when he gets
out of jail, man.

Yeah, but he could be
locked up for a while

and I'm in charge of
the business till he

gets out so talk to me. I mean
you got other things

you could be doing besides
running this place.

Think about it.

Ricky: Hey Bubs.
Are you in there?

Yeah. Just give
me a second Ricky.

Come on Orangie 2-point-0.
Need something done right

you fucking do it yourself.

Ricky: How's Orangie
doing? Did he wake up yet?

He woke up. He's
doing great!

Thank God! Hey. How are ya?
That's weird though,

He looks a little bit
smaller.

Uhhh& Well yeah Ricky.
That's totally normal.

When fish sleep that
long they slim right down.

I didn't fucking know that.

Julian:
Hey boys. Barb dropped
these off for you guys

earlier. She thought it'd be a
good idea if we each had one.

Oh wow! Our own super power
crystals!

Julian, you're not actually
buying into this fucking

mystical horse shit, are ya?

I'm maintaining
the peace. Just wear them boys,

Please? It'll be nice, okay?
She'll be happy.

That's what she needs now.

You banging her's not
making her happy enough?

I'm not banging her.
We're just friends.

She's actually a nice lady.

What?

[decisively]
You're banging her.

No, I'm not.

Bubbles: Banging her.
Ricky: Yep.

Anyway, you guys
want to get high?

Where's Cory and Jacob? We
need some fucking joints rolled.

They're in jail until
they can see the judge, Ricky.

[chuckling]
Those fucking idiots.

Guys, I've got a shit ton of
booze in my bar.

Your Grand Opening's happening
soon. Let's fucking celebrate.

Yeah. I'll get some hash and
honey oil.

Bubbles: All right. I'll
whip up some meat sandwiches.

Ricky: I know the doctor
said to stay off the booze

and the drugs, but
you look fine to me

little buddy. Doctors are
fucking dumb sometimes.

We are getting fucked
up tonight, Orangie. Yeah!

[whispering] How many
Orangies do you have?

Lots.

I'll get one on
fucking standby.

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