Trailer Park Boys (2001–2018): Season 8, Episode 10 - Crawling Through the Shitpipe - full transcript
The boys sell their entire honey oil output to Sebastian Bach, but to seal the deal for the trailer park, Julian has to do something truly terrible.
This is the best I can do,
Julian.
They're not the ideal
candidates to start with.
They're gonna be seen from a
distance, Bubs.
It doesn't have to
look perfect, man.
Turn around boys.
Ricky [laughing] Ha, ha, ha...
You guys look fucked.
Julian:
No, this is gonna work.
Okay. This is the
most important thing
I've ever asked
you guys to do
so you can't
fuck this up.
Thanks Julian. Five bucks.
All I have is a ten.
Ricky: I've probably never
told you guys this before
but I believe in you guys.
You make a good team.
Here's the map. If you put
a scratch on my fucking car,
I'll shoot you both
in the cocks.
Lahey: George is watching.
Julian: Okay boys. Good luck.
Ricky: Heads down, dummies.
♪♪
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Jacob: Fuck. I'm scared, Cory.
I don't know if I can do this.
I've never been
involved in a
special covert
operation before.
Ah dude, man, it'll be
awesome. Look at us.
Man, Ricky is like the
smartest dude I know.
What's gonna go wrong?
Yeah. Definitely.
Just breathe.
What the fuck? What the
fuck, man?
Yo, you guys is late. What
the fuck?
We got lost, guys. Sorry.
We're not too good at
driving places.
Fuck man. That's not cool,
man. You're killing me.
Yo.
Where's the shit at?
Right there.
Well come on, man. Let's
get it.
Let's load it. Let's do,
let's do this shit.
T: Let's roll. Let's roll.
[Police Sirens]
Police Officer:
Hands where I can see them!
Hood of the car. NOW!
Let's go!
Turn around! You're under
arrest for possession
and distribution
of a controlled substance.
You have the right to remain
silent. Anything you say
can and will be used
against you in a court of law.
Controlled substance?
Since when is spring water a
controlled substance?
Officer 2: Sarge, he's right.
This is water.
Officer 1: What?
Captain this is two one two,
looks like the intel
was false. Over.
Help my fuck. A police
takedown
over fucking spring water?
Can you guys believe that?
I suggest you get in your
car and drive away.
Or what? What you gonna do?
You gonna arrest me
for being dehydrated out
in this motherfucker?
Get the hell out of here.
NOW!
Man, come on guys. Let's
roll.
Cory: Well have a great day,
officer.
So, uh, do you have
insurance and registration
for this piece
of shit you're driving?
Well do you have insurance and
registration to SUCK MY DICK?
Ah!
Cyrus:
We've been fucking had!
Jacob: Let's get the fuck
out of here, man.
Cory: I fucking can't see. I
can't see.
Ricky: Bubbles, will you
please calm the fuck down!
I told you not to
come with us if you
didn't want to.
Oh no. I could've
stayed at the
trailer park
all by myself and
let Sam and Cyrus
come and kill me.
That's a fucking
good time, Ricky!
Julian:
Nobody's killing
anybody, Bubs.
[on the phone]
Oh hey. No, no, no,
everything's cool.
No, we'll have
the money shortly.
Uh he's with us
right now.
No, he seems to
be on board a
hundred percent.
Lahey:
Say thank you, Barb.
You're welcome!
All right. Okay.
We'll talk to you
in a bit.
All right.
Bu-bye.
Bubbles: Is that a
fucking bag of guns?
Oh my god, a
bag of guns.
Do you think
Sebastian Bach is
gonna try to
shoot us or something?
Ricky:
Would you just relax?
We're talking about a lot of
money here, Bubs.
It's better to have
a gun and need it
than not have a gun
and not need it.
Oh I can't
fucking take this.
I'm telling ya
right now.
[as Bobby Turkalino]
Hello ladies!
Oh my fuck! What is he
doing here?
Hey, I'm Bobby Turkalino.
I'm here to help Bubbles
express himself and
say the things he
wants to say to Ricky.
Sometimes Bubbles wants
to go deep into Ricky's
mind. He can't bring himself
to say hurtful things.
That's why I made this guy.
[as Little Ricky] Me like drugs.
Drugs! Drugs! Drugs! Drugs!
Say hi Little Ricky.
[as Little Ricky] Hi.
Me Ricky. Me fucked
in the head.
Julian: Bubbles, put
the fucking puppets
away, Bubs.
I'm serious.
Julian, this might be the
only thing that keeps me
from going off the deep end!
They're not gonna say
anything, I promise.
[as Bobby Turkalino]
Julian, we should probably
get your crystal back
to Castle Grayskull
before Skeletor
notices it's missing.
Julian: Bubs, this is
serious business.
Put the puppet away,
please?
Bubbles: [as Bobby Turkalino]
Oh I know it's serious
business, Julian.
This drug deal's very
serious. That's why we got
Lahey, the alcoholic, and Ricky,
the fucking idiot.
[as Little Ricky]
Me an idiot. Nothing
can go wrong.
[as Bobby Turkalino]
Give us a little kiss, Swayze.
Bubs, fuck off!
Cory: That hurts too.
Jacob: Fuck.
This never happened.
Cory: There's a car, dude.
Finally.
What the fuck?
Cory: Oh man.
Cyrus: Nice fucking disguises
fruitos.
Now where's Ricky and
Julian?
And stop fucking around.
We're not in the mood.
-Hey!
Cyrus: You want my... you
want my fucking finger
to tell my brain to pull
the trigger again?
Oh you know what, Cyrus? You
can fuck off, man,
'cause you already shot
someone.
You're not gonna shoot someone
again in broad daylight
with all the witnesses.
[GUNSHOT]
Ah!
Jacob: Cyrus, why'd you
do that, man?
Let me ask you again, you
fucking ugly Patrick Dixie.
Where the fuck is
Ricky and Julian?
Cory: Oh fuck!
[GUNSHOTS]
Sebastian Bach:
Hey you guys. It's so great to
see you cock heads.
What's up, man?
Fucking right on.
Hey Sebastian, how ya
doing?
Oh and you brought a
puppet! Man, this is great
because I dig puppets.
Yeah, that's Bobby
Turkalino and Little Ricky.
Yeah. Right on.
Ricky: Well it's not quite a
tonne, man, but
this should last you quite
a goddamn while.
You're telling me that
this whole thing is
filled with honey oil.
Well it's not quite full
but fuck yeah
there's a lot in there.
Holy shit! Ricky,
I didn't think you
were talking about an
actual tonne.
Look, I speak the fucking
words my brain thinks out to me.
Did you or did you not say I
will take whatever you got?
Yeah but not a whole goddamn
barrel, dude. Like really.
Jesus fucking Christ!
Calm down, Ricky. How much
were you planning on buying?
Not a barrel!
What about a hundred
and twenty five grand worth?
Tour Manager: Jesus.
No, man. Not a fucking chance.
Ricky: Look. This is
the best shit I ever smoked.
It's maple flavoured. Try it.
Tour Manager: Baz.
HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF MAPLE
SYRUP TREES! THIS IS
THE GREATEST HONEY
OIL THAT I MYSELF HAVE
EVER EXPERIENCED.
WHAT THE... THIS IS
FUCKING DELICIOUS!
Look man, we need a hundred
and twenty five grand
to buy the trailer
park we live in.
If we don't, these two fuck
heads are gonna come in,
buy the place and kick us the
fuck out.
How about I give you the
whole goddamn thing
for a hundred and
twenty-five grand?
Ricky: What? Are you nuts?
There's four hundred grand
worth of fucking honey oil
in there, man.
That's my retirement.
What's better? Do you want
everybody to lose their homes?
I know what it's like.
[sigh]
I know what it's like
to lose my crib.
I know what
it's like to lose my band
and my chick.
AND IT FUCKING SUCKS ASS!
You know what? FUCK IT! I'm
taking the whole barrel.
One hundred and
twenty-five dollareenies worth.
Let's fucking do it.
Let's blaze. And the puppet!
Tour Manager: Oh fucking come
on, Baz. You fucking paid...
Fucking right. A hundred and
twenty-five thousand
dollars worth of this shit.
Get it in the fucking bus.
Let's go. Get it loaded,
open it up, let's go,
let's blaze.
Come on. Right now. Come on.
Tour Manager:
What the... what the fuck, Baz?
You can't buy a fucking
barrel's worth of oil, man.
Oh god. You're the tour
manager, right?
Good. Then
tour manage my nuts.
Get onto the bus
and get the money.
The puppet too, dude!
Okay so just so we're clear
here,
Bobby Turkalino was never
part of the deal.
Bubbles, if I'm gonna sell
my retirement for
the gooder of this park, I
think maybe the least
you can do is hand over that
little fuck face.
Come on. Hurry up. I gotta
get on the road to Kalamazoo
to go on the
road with Rat.
What do you think, Bobby?
Do you wanna go and live
with Sebastian Bach?
[as Bobby Turkalino] Do I want
to go live with a rock star
and get my little
fabric bird sucked?
Does a moose shit
berries in the woods?
[As Liltlte Ricky]
Me Ricky. Me want to go too.
Come on the road.
Tour Manager: A hundred and
twenty five thousand dollars.
That's pretty much every
cent we made doing
merch and meet 'n greets!
Way to go, Baz.
Baz: Perfect.
Tour Manager: Aw fuck man!
Good doing business with
you, man.
Sebastian: Right on, dude.
Bubbles: Decent.
Ricky: Enjoy that shit.
Sebastian: Excellent.
You know it's true.
Okay puppet, puppet, puppet,
puppet. Puppet, puppet, puppet.
All right. Hang on.
[musical car horn]
What the fuck is this?
What the fuck?
Get the gun! Get the
fucking gun.
Ricky:
Get a fucking gun,
Bubbles.
Bubbles: Get the bag of guns.
Sebastian: Get the gun.
Ricky:
These are the fucking
dickheads I was talking about.
Don't call me a fucking
dickhead.
Hand over the cash there,
bitch tits.
You know I'm not gonna
fucking do that.
[as Bobby Turkalino]
Hey ass chin!
Why don't you and
Captain Caveman
fuck off back to the
land of arseholes?
Fuck off four eyes.
You don't even know that
nobody even likes bullies!
Like you! Dance motherfucker!
[GUNSHOTS]
What are you doing?
-Motherfucker!
Fuck!
-Fuck!
Damn it!
What the fuck is going on
here!
Ricky: Get in. Get in.
Ricky: YOU FUCKING SHOT ME!
Sam: Aw Fuck! Right in the
stomach.
Ricky: Jesus FUCKING Christ!
How the fuck does
this keep happening to us?
Just stop the fucking
bleeding 'cause
we're not going to the
fucking hospital.
Who said anything about going
to a fucking hospital?
Bubbles: [as Little Ricky]
Me Ricky! Me shot myself
in the foot
for fiftieth time! Must be
because me a fucking idiot!
BUBBLES FUCK OFF!
You fuck off! I didn't want
to be involved in this anyway.
Julian: Bubbles, put the fucking
puppet away!
Barb: Mr. Steinberg,
how about a little chip
while you're waiting here?
Mr. Steinberg: No, no,
no, no. That's okay.
I'm not a...
Are you sure?
No, I'm not a big
fan of ketchup.
They're the park
favourite.
No, I'm gluten free.
[phone rings]
[answering phone]
Hello?
Ricky: Fuck!
Julian:
Hey Barb, how ya doing?
We're just pulling into
the park right now.
All right. Yeah, yeah.
No, everything's cool. Just make
sure he does not leave!
See ya in a second.
All right. Talk to you
later.
They are, they're just pulling
into the park, Mr. Steinberg.
We'll, uh, we'll see them.
[As Bobby Turkalino] Welcome
back to the twenty-sixth
annual Dick Weed Awards.
BUBBLES, I SWEAR TO FUCK I'M
GONNA CUT THAT
LITTLE COCK SUCKER'S HEAD
RIGHT OFF HIS FUCKING
BODY IF HE SAYS ONE MORE
GODDAMN WORD!
I'm sorry Ricky! I'm
fucking sorry.
Fucking better be sorry.
[as Bobby Turkalino] Bubbles
didn't want to be involved in
this anyway, Ricky.
[as Little Ricky]
Me Ricky. Me don't care.
Ricky! Ricky!
That's enough!
[as Little Ricky] Me Ricky.
Fuck you, you fucking
asshole!
That's enough. Ricky, put
the gun down!
I'm sick of this puppet
shit!
[as Little Ricky] I don't
care whose lives me ruin.
Bubbles! I said that's
enough!
[as Bobby Turkalino]
Fuck you Ricky!
Ricky: Bubbles! I'm serious.
You better fucking... fuck!
Barb: They're very excited about
this. Uh Julian?
Every... everything
okay? Uh. This is Mr. Steinberg.
He's been really excited
to meet you. [crowd hoots]
You cool with fucking cash?
Cash? Uh well that's a bit
unorthodox but yeah,
I suppose I can take cash.
Listen, I've prepared
all the necessary documents
stating that, uh,
Barbara has the funds and
she'll be purchasing
the shares from, uh, Mr.
Losco. There's just the,
uh, well there's the little
matter of the one percent
belonging to a, uh,
James Lahey?
Oh right here sir.
Lim Jahey.
Ugh...
Pleased to meet
you, bud.
Jim. Jim.
Okay. Okay. Uh if I could
just have you sign
here stating that you're
relinquishing your
one percent over to Barbara.
Sorry. Did you say
relinquish?
Yeah. Give.
Well I was given to
understand that
I would get Sam's share in
exchange for my one percent.
What the fuck are you
talking about?
You don't expect me to just
give it away, Julian.
Why would I do that?
For fucks sakes!
You're not doing this to me
right now, man.
What?
You promised us the one
percent, Jim.
No, no, no, no, no, no. I
didn't promise.
I, I promised that Sam and Cyrus
wouldn't get the one percent.
No, no, no. You know
goddamn well
that we were gonna get
their shares.
I can't imagine how
I got that mixed up, Julian.
I can easily make an
amendment
to the document if that's gonna
be the arrangement. Barb?
Barb: Just, just wait.
Julian: All right. So does this
mean that he'd get the
forty nine point five
percent of the park?
Well actually, wouldn't I
get fifty point five percent
with the one percent
I already own?
Or I could go talk to Sam,
see what he's
offering and let him and
Cyrus get the park.
It's your call... Sexian.
Barb: Okay make the change.
Just sign the
fucking document.
All right.
Oh. Sheesh. One more thing.
Um you know Julian,
just one more thing. You
know, a man may live his
whole life and never hold
power in his hands.
Real power. And then one
day power might just
drop onto his lap. Did
you ever hear the story
about The Shitfisher, Julian?
Ricky: Jesus Christ!
Have a seat.
I don't want to
take a seat.
Have a seat, Julian.
I'm not sitting down.
This old Shitfisher took his
bagpipes down to
the river and he played his
pipes in hopes that
the shitfish would rise up
out of the water.
But not one shitfish rose,
Julian. So he took a shitnet
and he threw it in the river
and, lo, soon he drew
it forth filled with
shitfish. Then he took
his bagpipes and then he
played them again and
all the shitfish
jumped up in the shitnet.
'Oh, you dance now when
I play,' said the
Shitfisher. And then
the little old shitfish spoke
up in the end and he said,
'when you're in a man's power,
you must do as he bids you."
Shitnets, Julian, and
Shitpower.
What the fuck are you
talking about?
You win. Just sign the
paper. Please!
All right. I'll sign the
papers, Julian.
But first, I want to seal
it with a kiss.
Not a fucking chance.
Come on, Julian. It's just a
little chocolate. Give him one.
I'm the Shitfisher, Julian,
and you're in my shitnet.
We seal it with a
kiss on the lips
or I walk away from this
deal forever.
Ricky: Lips?
Bubbles: He wants to kiss him,
Ricky. Kiss him!
Oh man, that sucks.
No shit!
Well you got no choice
though.
Look Julian, just look at it
like this.
You can do this. You just
have to think of, like,
Andy Dufresne in
Shawshank Redemption.
He had to get in that horrible
fucking goddamn shit
pipe to crawl to salvation.
That was a fucking
movie, Bubs.
I know, I know it was a
movie but it's just
like this. This is your shit
pipe, Julian.
This is your shit pipe. You
gotta just fucking close
your eyes, plug your nose,
get in that shitty
pipe and start crawling to,
crawling to Sunnyvale bud.
[as Bobby Turkalino]
Get in the shit pipe, Julian.
Barb: Please Julian.
[as Little Ricky]
Get in the shit pipe!
All right. One fucking kiss but
my mouth stays closed.
And I'm not moving my lips.
[exhales]
Uh-uh-uh-uh.
Bubbles: You can do it, Julian!
Ricky: I know this is fucked but
you gotta do it.
I gave up
retirement, man.
Bubbles: Come on, Julian.
Everybody's sacrificed
everything they've had.
Let's get this over with.
Bubbles: Julian, just think of
the party we're gonna have.
There's ketchup
chips, hot dogs here. Cake.
Ricky: Just pretend it's an old
drunk girl instead of a man.
Bubbles: You're in the
shit pipe bud... deep.
Ah forget him.
You know Julian?
What?
There's only one man in this
world I want to kiss right now.
And you're not him.
Actions speak louder than...
words, don't they Randy?
That's right, Mr. Lahey.
You just need to
show me with the little
things, like sticking up
for me when someone
pisses on my shoes.
Oh. You're right, Randy. I
should've stuck up for you, bud.
But you know what?
It's never too late.
You sure it was Ricky who
pissed in your shoes, bud?
I've got no proof but I
think it was.
Come on.
Ricky! Did you piss in
Randy's shoes?
I have no idea what you're
talking about.
Ah I see. Bubbles, I know
you know.
And don't fucking lie.
I don't know, Mr. Lahey. I
have no idea who...
[as Bobby Turkalino]
Ricky did it!
[as Little Ricky] Me did it.
Fucking asshole!
I knew you pissed in my
shoes!
Yeah? So what if I did?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ricky, you pissed in
Randy's shoes.
Now Randy's pissing on
yours.
Like fuck he is.
Oh he's pissing on them,
Ricky. He's pissing
on them or Sunnyvale goes to
Sam and Cyrus.
Don't push me.
I'm fucking serious.
Julian: Just get it over with,
man. It's for the park.
[sigh] Fine. Piss
in my fucking shoes.
Oh no, no, no, no, no. The
shoes stay on.
Oh I don't
fucking think so.
You're fucking serious?
Yeah.
Barb: You are sick, Jim.
Come on, Ricky.
You have to do this.
People have made
sacrifices here.
Fine fuckhead.
Piss on my feet.
You splash my right leg,
I'll kill ya. I've got a
bullet wound.
You don't move a fucking
muscle till Randy's finished.
That's the deal.
Randy, from this day forward,
no one is ever gonna piss
in your shoes again, bud.
I promise. Show
me what you got.
Here it goes, Mr. Lahey.
Barb: Oh my god.
Come on, Randy.
I can't get it going,
Mr. Lahey.
Ricky: Good.
I'm bashful.
Don: Open up the
floodgates, Randy.
This is fucking piss karma.
Right. Here it goes.
Oh yeah!
[crowd groans]
Lahey: Good one, Randy.
Ugh. Ugh. This is
payback, Ricky,
for all the friggin' shit
you've done to me.
Oh. This is karma.
Bubbles: You're doing good,
Ricky. You're doing good.
Just think about
everybody in the park.
[as Bobby Turkalino] Yeah think
about how everyone in
the park's watching
Randy PISS on ya.
What the fuck were you
eating?
Ah this is spectacular!
I love you, Mr. Lahey.
Ricky: You're fucking dead.
Lahey [into hidden microphone]:
Okay boys.Shit-ageddon.
Okay Barb,
I'm ready to sign.
Bring on the documents.
Thank you. [laughing]
Oh and, uh, one last thing.
[Police Sirens]
Ta-da!
Ricky: What the fuck is
going on here?
Barb: What's this for?
Officer: Hands behind your
backs, boys.
Ricky: What the fuck are we
being arrested for?
Manufacture and...
Lahey: And distribution of a
controlled substance.
I've been gathering
evidence on you guys
the whole fucking time.
Why the fuck would
you do that?
Why couldn't you just leave
us alone?
Because it occurred to me,
Ricky, how the fuck
could I enjoy my
retirement with you
living in this park?
Ricky: By minding your own
fucking business,
that's fucking how!
Ricky, the only time I ever
found peace was when
you were fucking in jail.
You know what? I honestly
was trying to let well enough
alone, laissez-faire, Ricky,
but then George came
up with this great idea.
Julian: George?
Lahey: Yeah, George.
What the fuck are you
talking about?
You think it's fun banging
people's fucking girlfriends
and then getting
them thrown in jail,
you prick? You can suck my
fucking smooth cock there,
George Green, you fucking
dumber than dumb fuck.
You don't got shit on
us and there's not a fucking
chance we're going to jail
for this shit. Fuck you!
Oh-oh-oh. Take care of him,
George. Listen, buddy.
I'm sorry to tell you this,
but I already gave the tapes
to the chief. Looks like
only one of us is going to
be taking credit for this one,
George. Sorry about that.
Hell, you have to
live with it,
you being the dumbest
cop on the force.
Jim.
Yeah.
You have the right to remain
silent. Anything you say
can and will be used
against you in a court of law...
What?
You have the right to legal
representation.
Do you understand these
rights?
What the fuck is going on
here?
Jim.
What?
I was reinstated nine months
ago. I'm undercover.
And as far as the law is
concerned, all you've been
doing around here is
participating in a whole lot
of criminal activity. You're
going to jail with all the
rest of them.
Get him out of here!
George, we're partners,
buddy.
Take him away.
Randy, you're the park
supervisor!
Come on, Randy. You can do
something here, bud.
Ricky: Fucking George
Green. How the fuck did they
let that guy back on the
force? He's a fucking idiot.
Julian: Can you
just shut the fuck up?
You're not making things
any better here.
Officer: Excuse me, but
are you okay ma'am?
I... I just can't believe
this is happening.
Lapis Lazuli.
A beautiful stone
for an even more
beautiful lady.
Victor Daniels, ma'am. A
pleasure to meet you.
If you need anything at all,
anything,
that's my personal cell number
on the back.
Please don't hesitate.
Good day ma'am.
Thank you.
Bubbles: You were fucking
banging her, Julian.
Julian: I was not banging Barb.
Bubbles: You got distracted by
her bullshit crystals.
Randy: I won't let you down as
trailer park supervisor,
Mr. Lahey. Cross my heart
and hope to die.
Lahey: Randy.
Cory: What's up dudes?
I got shot.
Jacob: It was awesome.
Ah! Jesus fuck!
Julian: Bubbles, calm down.
Bubbles: Will you guys stop
yelling at each other please?
Julian: It's him.
Ricky: Listen, fuck off
both of ya.
Julian: You had, you
had to piss in Randy's
fucking shoes, didn't ya?
Bubbles: Boys, just stop it
please.
Ricky: I'm covered in
piss right now.
Bubbles: I know and
I'm freaking out.
Ricky: Listen to me. I promise
you we will not spend
one fucking day
in jail for this.
I can't believe I let that
oily, stinky, big fucking
hippo piss his dirty stinky
piss all over me and
then I get busted by the
dumbest dummy fuck head
of all times and it's
all thanks to liquorball
Mc Old Pubes. Lahey is lucky
he's not in general population
or I would fucking
have a piece of him already.
Sometimes jail isn't that
bad. Life kinda stands
still in here, which is a
good thing because,
you know, it's gonna help me get
over wanting to kill Lahey.
Get your jollies fucking
around with Jim Lahey?
Just like George fucking
Green? I gotta admit.
He fucking blindsided me. Yeah.
The dumbest cop in the force
takes down Jim Lahey. What the
fuck's that make me?
A loser. A drunk, ex-cop,
bisexual loser.
I was totally blindsided by
what went down with
George, like everybody else,
and I feel horrible
for what happened with Ricky
and he was doing
so well dealing with the
whole pregnancy and, and
he sort of gave up
everything to keep this
family together and it's been
pretty hot. So I'm optimistic
for the future of our family.
Fuck it. I got my family
back now and that's
all that matters to me. That
and becoming a granddad
and good dope, good
grilled cheese,
nice sauce for my chicken
fingers, videogames,
getting drunk. That's pretty
much it.
Oh and killing Jim Lahey
and George Green
as soon as I fucking
get out of here.
Man, going to jail this time
has done wonders
for, you know, our status
with Ricky and Julian and stuff.
I mean I took a
bullet for Ricky.
I took a bullet as Ricky,
which is pretty cool.
Yeah totally. We totally
earned their respect
this time, especially Ricky.
He told me I'm a man now.
I don't know what I was
thinking that I'd be
able to run a legitimate
business living in
between Ricky and Julian. I
mean I, you know,
every time I try to do
something legit
they fuck it up on me. You'd
think I'd learn.
You know what? You're a
good friend. I, I miss
Trev and everything
but it's been good working
with you and I have to tell you
that I can't wait to do more
getting to know you and stuff.
I think we're an
unstoppable team.
We've got a couch
and a TV and a lamp,
a nice lamp
so we have some, we
have some nice things
I suppose.
Bubs, you seriously
fucked up the settings
on this TV, man.
I didn't fuck up the
settings on the TV.
It's in Spanish.
I didn't put the TV
in Spanish. I don't
speak Spanish.
Bullshit. Who
did it then?
I don't know. Maybe
the guards let in one
of the Spaniards.
One of the Spaniards?
You talking about Joe?
He's Lebanese.
He's not Spanish.
I'm not talking
about Joe.
There's all kinds of
Spaniards in here.
Well it's fucked. I
can't understand it.
I can't even get out
of the screen.
Well fucking ask them
to reset it. I don't
know how to do it.
It's hard in
here,you man.
Yeah, but man...
I may not be as
hard as I thought
I was, dawg.
You're harder
than that.
Them mafuckas, you
stand in line, get
some meatloafs.
These mafuckas
like ain't see you
aroundt and I gotta
be like hey you man.
I'm fucking
terrified, dawg.
And maybe I might not
be as hard as I
thought I would be.
I know that you got
me and I got myselfs.
It's them other
mafuckas I'm worried
about having me.
Don't sweat man.
Just hold it down,
dwag, and I'll be
out soon.
I know, I know.
I'm gonna stand
with my back
to the wall,
you know what
I'm saying?
We're gonna get
you out of here.
We gotta do
something.
Keep my game tight.
Come on J. Come on,
come on.
No. I'm a'ight.
Hold it together.
I'm a'ight, dawg.
Hold it together.
I'll talk to
you later.
Okay.
Do we do it?
Yeah.
Let's go.
Look at the elbows.
Proper.
The Dirty Dancer's
making huge profits.
I'm running the girls. T's
doing the money, the dope
and the booze. Things
are going really well.
It's actually way
better since Julian's
gone because
with Julian comes
Ricky and with Ricky
comes trouble.
And I'm just gonna step
up and show J-Roc
and show everybody that
I can do this and that
I'm the man that they
can count on.
We make a good
team I think.
We do make a
good team.
We're gonna be out of here
in no time thanks to
stupid idiot police work. I
mean if I was a fucking
police cop the one thing I'd
maybe want to have is
the evidence, the actual
controlled substance we were
supposedly manufacturing.
Our lawyer's gonna tell
the judge we were making
bible fuel and he's gonna
pre-bargain out all the
fucking mysterymenour horse
cockery and he says we'll be
fine. So until then I'm
just gonna party my fucking
ass off 'cause I'm retiring
from jail after this to be
with my family.
Lahey: Last time I was in
Sunnyvale I was holding hands
with Randy and we just, we were
magnificent. The cl... the
clouds parted. The fucking
sunrays were shining down and
all of a fucking sudden
boom boom
I'm fucking handcuffed and
thrown in this fucking shit hole
fucking joint! You fucking
asshole.
I got really confused when I
fell back in love with
Mr. Lahey again and then he
went to jail.
So I'm gonna keep my options
open. Donna and I have agreed
to have a 'friends
with benefits' type of
arrangement, no commitments, and
as far as we're both concerned,
Don doesn't need to know.
You know what the
lowest form of a scumbag is?
A fucking cheater. Now me
and Sam, we played
this whole thing out fair
and square but we lost to
a good for nothing
fucking cheater.
Barb: I don't know what's
coming next but I, I'm excited
to find out. I do know that
the future of Sunnyvale
Trailer Park is bright. I
think that what Julian did
to save this park, for me
and for the people
who live here, was heroic.
He is an amazing man
and I am proud and happy
to share my forty-nine
and a half percent ownership
with him as my co-owner.
I've got shares in the
trailer park and my bar's
kicking ass. Tyrone, he just
visited me the other
day. He said, you know, he's
building this little
nest egg for me when I get
out which is, is really cool.
I'm gonna need it so
right now I'm just gonna
relax, get in good shape.
Not worry about a
fucking thing.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪ Ricky was a young toy,
he had a ton of oil ♪
Well you did have it but now
it's mine. [Laugh]
Julian.
They're not the ideal
candidates to start with.
They're gonna be seen from a
distance, Bubs.
It doesn't have to
look perfect, man.
Turn around boys.
Ricky [laughing] Ha, ha, ha...
You guys look fucked.
Julian:
No, this is gonna work.
Okay. This is the
most important thing
I've ever asked
you guys to do
so you can't
fuck this up.
Thanks Julian. Five bucks.
All I have is a ten.
Ricky: I've probably never
told you guys this before
but I believe in you guys.
You make a good team.
Here's the map. If you put
a scratch on my fucking car,
I'll shoot you both
in the cocks.
Lahey: George is watching.
Julian: Okay boys. Good luck.
Ricky: Heads down, dummies.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Jacob: Fuck. I'm scared, Cory.
I don't know if I can do this.
I've never been
involved in a
special covert
operation before.
Ah dude, man, it'll be
awesome. Look at us.
Man, Ricky is like the
smartest dude I know.
What's gonna go wrong?
Yeah. Definitely.
Just breathe.
What the fuck? What the
fuck, man?
Yo, you guys is late. What
the fuck?
We got lost, guys. Sorry.
We're not too good at
driving places.
Fuck man. That's not cool,
man. You're killing me.
Yo.
Where's the shit at?
Right there.
Well come on, man. Let's
get it.
Let's load it. Let's do,
let's do this shit.
T: Let's roll. Let's roll.
[Police Sirens]
Police Officer:
Hands where I can see them!
Hood of the car. NOW!
Let's go!
Turn around! You're under
arrest for possession
and distribution
of a controlled substance.
You have the right to remain
silent. Anything you say
can and will be used
against you in a court of law.
Controlled substance?
Since when is spring water a
controlled substance?
Officer 2: Sarge, he's right.
This is water.
Officer 1: What?
Captain this is two one two,
looks like the intel
was false. Over.
Help my fuck. A police
takedown
over fucking spring water?
Can you guys believe that?
I suggest you get in your
car and drive away.
Or what? What you gonna do?
You gonna arrest me
for being dehydrated out
in this motherfucker?
Get the hell out of here.
NOW!
Man, come on guys. Let's
roll.
Cory: Well have a great day,
officer.
So, uh, do you have
insurance and registration
for this piece
of shit you're driving?
Well do you have insurance and
registration to SUCK MY DICK?
Ah!
Cyrus:
We've been fucking had!
Jacob: Let's get the fuck
out of here, man.
Cory: I fucking can't see. I
can't see.
Ricky: Bubbles, will you
please calm the fuck down!
I told you not to
come with us if you
didn't want to.
Oh no. I could've
stayed at the
trailer park
all by myself and
let Sam and Cyrus
come and kill me.
That's a fucking
good time, Ricky!
Julian:
Nobody's killing
anybody, Bubs.
[on the phone]
Oh hey. No, no, no,
everything's cool.
No, we'll have
the money shortly.
Uh he's with us
right now.
No, he seems to
be on board a
hundred percent.
Lahey:
Say thank you, Barb.
You're welcome!
All right. Okay.
We'll talk to you
in a bit.
All right.
Bu-bye.
Bubbles: Is that a
fucking bag of guns?
Oh my god, a
bag of guns.
Do you think
Sebastian Bach is
gonna try to
shoot us or something?
Ricky:
Would you just relax?
We're talking about a lot of
money here, Bubs.
It's better to have
a gun and need it
than not have a gun
and not need it.
Oh I can't
fucking take this.
I'm telling ya
right now.
[as Bobby Turkalino]
Hello ladies!
Oh my fuck! What is he
doing here?
Hey, I'm Bobby Turkalino.
I'm here to help Bubbles
express himself and
say the things he
wants to say to Ricky.
Sometimes Bubbles wants
to go deep into Ricky's
mind. He can't bring himself
to say hurtful things.
That's why I made this guy.
[as Little Ricky] Me like drugs.
Drugs! Drugs! Drugs! Drugs!
Say hi Little Ricky.
[as Little Ricky] Hi.
Me Ricky. Me fucked
in the head.
Julian: Bubbles, put
the fucking puppets
away, Bubs.
I'm serious.
Julian, this might be the
only thing that keeps me
from going off the deep end!
They're not gonna say
anything, I promise.
[as Bobby Turkalino]
Julian, we should probably
get your crystal back
to Castle Grayskull
before Skeletor
notices it's missing.
Julian: Bubs, this is
serious business.
Put the puppet away,
please?
Bubbles: [as Bobby Turkalino]
Oh I know it's serious
business, Julian.
This drug deal's very
serious. That's why we got
Lahey, the alcoholic, and Ricky,
the fucking idiot.
[as Little Ricky]
Me an idiot. Nothing
can go wrong.
[as Bobby Turkalino]
Give us a little kiss, Swayze.
Bubs, fuck off!
Cory: That hurts too.
Jacob: Fuck.
This never happened.
Cory: There's a car, dude.
Finally.
What the fuck?
Cory: Oh man.
Cyrus: Nice fucking disguises
fruitos.
Now where's Ricky and
Julian?
And stop fucking around.
We're not in the mood.
-Hey!
Cyrus: You want my... you
want my fucking finger
to tell my brain to pull
the trigger again?
Oh you know what, Cyrus? You
can fuck off, man,
'cause you already shot
someone.
You're not gonna shoot someone
again in broad daylight
with all the witnesses.
[GUNSHOT]
Ah!
Jacob: Cyrus, why'd you
do that, man?
Let me ask you again, you
fucking ugly Patrick Dixie.
Where the fuck is
Ricky and Julian?
Cory: Oh fuck!
[GUNSHOTS]
Sebastian Bach:
Hey you guys. It's so great to
see you cock heads.
What's up, man?
Fucking right on.
Hey Sebastian, how ya
doing?
Oh and you brought a
puppet! Man, this is great
because I dig puppets.
Yeah, that's Bobby
Turkalino and Little Ricky.
Yeah. Right on.
Ricky: Well it's not quite a
tonne, man, but
this should last you quite
a goddamn while.
You're telling me that
this whole thing is
filled with honey oil.
Well it's not quite full
but fuck yeah
there's a lot in there.
Holy shit! Ricky,
I didn't think you
were talking about an
actual tonne.
Look, I speak the fucking
words my brain thinks out to me.
Did you or did you not say I
will take whatever you got?
Yeah but not a whole goddamn
barrel, dude. Like really.
Jesus fucking Christ!
Calm down, Ricky. How much
were you planning on buying?
Not a barrel!
What about a hundred
and twenty five grand worth?
Tour Manager: Jesus.
No, man. Not a fucking chance.
Ricky: Look. This is
the best shit I ever smoked.
It's maple flavoured. Try it.
Tour Manager: Baz.
HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF MAPLE
SYRUP TREES! THIS IS
THE GREATEST HONEY
OIL THAT I MYSELF HAVE
EVER EXPERIENCED.
WHAT THE... THIS IS
FUCKING DELICIOUS!
Look man, we need a hundred
and twenty five grand
to buy the trailer
park we live in.
If we don't, these two fuck
heads are gonna come in,
buy the place and kick us the
fuck out.
How about I give you the
whole goddamn thing
for a hundred and
twenty-five grand?
Ricky: What? Are you nuts?
There's four hundred grand
worth of fucking honey oil
in there, man.
That's my retirement.
What's better? Do you want
everybody to lose their homes?
I know what it's like.
[sigh]
I know what it's like
to lose my crib.
I know what
it's like to lose my band
and my chick.
AND IT FUCKING SUCKS ASS!
You know what? FUCK IT! I'm
taking the whole barrel.
One hundred and
twenty-five dollareenies worth.
Let's fucking do it.
Let's blaze. And the puppet!
Tour Manager: Oh fucking come
on, Baz. You fucking paid...
Fucking right. A hundred and
twenty-five thousand
dollars worth of this shit.
Get it in the fucking bus.
Let's go. Get it loaded,
open it up, let's go,
let's blaze.
Come on. Right now. Come on.
Tour Manager:
What the... what the fuck, Baz?
You can't buy a fucking
barrel's worth of oil, man.
Oh god. You're the tour
manager, right?
Good. Then
tour manage my nuts.
Get onto the bus
and get the money.
The puppet too, dude!
Okay so just so we're clear
here,
Bobby Turkalino was never
part of the deal.
Bubbles, if I'm gonna sell
my retirement for
the gooder of this park, I
think maybe the least
you can do is hand over that
little fuck face.
Come on. Hurry up. I gotta
get on the road to Kalamazoo
to go on the
road with Rat.
What do you think, Bobby?
Do you wanna go and live
with Sebastian Bach?
[as Bobby Turkalino] Do I want
to go live with a rock star
and get my little
fabric bird sucked?
Does a moose shit
berries in the woods?
[As Liltlte Ricky]
Me Ricky. Me want to go too.
Come on the road.
Tour Manager: A hundred and
twenty five thousand dollars.
That's pretty much every
cent we made doing
merch and meet 'n greets!
Way to go, Baz.
Baz: Perfect.
Tour Manager: Aw fuck man!
Good doing business with
you, man.
Sebastian: Right on, dude.
Bubbles: Decent.
Ricky: Enjoy that shit.
Sebastian: Excellent.
You know it's true.
Okay puppet, puppet, puppet,
puppet. Puppet, puppet, puppet.
All right. Hang on.
[musical car horn]
What the fuck is this?
What the fuck?
Get the gun! Get the
fucking gun.
Ricky:
Get a fucking gun,
Bubbles.
Bubbles: Get the bag of guns.
Sebastian: Get the gun.
Ricky:
These are the fucking
dickheads I was talking about.
Don't call me a fucking
dickhead.
Hand over the cash there,
bitch tits.
You know I'm not gonna
fucking do that.
[as Bobby Turkalino]
Hey ass chin!
Why don't you and
Captain Caveman
fuck off back to the
land of arseholes?
Fuck off four eyes.
You don't even know that
nobody even likes bullies!
Like you! Dance motherfucker!
[GUNSHOTS]
What are you doing?
-Motherfucker!
Fuck!
-Fuck!
Damn it!
What the fuck is going on
here!
Ricky: Get in. Get in.
Ricky: YOU FUCKING SHOT ME!
Sam: Aw Fuck! Right in the
stomach.
Ricky: Jesus FUCKING Christ!
How the fuck does
this keep happening to us?
Just stop the fucking
bleeding 'cause
we're not going to the
fucking hospital.
Who said anything about going
to a fucking hospital?
Bubbles: [as Little Ricky]
Me Ricky! Me shot myself
in the foot
for fiftieth time! Must be
because me a fucking idiot!
BUBBLES FUCK OFF!
You fuck off! I didn't want
to be involved in this anyway.
Julian: Bubbles, put the fucking
puppet away!
Barb: Mr. Steinberg,
how about a little chip
while you're waiting here?
Mr. Steinberg: No, no,
no, no. That's okay.
I'm not a...
Are you sure?
No, I'm not a big
fan of ketchup.
They're the park
favourite.
No, I'm gluten free.
[phone rings]
[answering phone]
Hello?
Ricky: Fuck!
Julian:
Hey Barb, how ya doing?
We're just pulling into
the park right now.
All right. Yeah, yeah.
No, everything's cool. Just make
sure he does not leave!
See ya in a second.
All right. Talk to you
later.
They are, they're just pulling
into the park, Mr. Steinberg.
We'll, uh, we'll see them.
[As Bobby Turkalino] Welcome
back to the twenty-sixth
annual Dick Weed Awards.
BUBBLES, I SWEAR TO FUCK I'M
GONNA CUT THAT
LITTLE COCK SUCKER'S HEAD
RIGHT OFF HIS FUCKING
BODY IF HE SAYS ONE MORE
GODDAMN WORD!
I'm sorry Ricky! I'm
fucking sorry.
Fucking better be sorry.
[as Bobby Turkalino] Bubbles
didn't want to be involved in
this anyway, Ricky.
[as Little Ricky]
Me Ricky. Me don't care.
Ricky! Ricky!
That's enough!
[as Little Ricky] Me Ricky.
Fuck you, you fucking
asshole!
That's enough. Ricky, put
the gun down!
I'm sick of this puppet
shit!
[as Little Ricky] I don't
care whose lives me ruin.
Bubbles! I said that's
enough!
[as Bobby Turkalino]
Fuck you Ricky!
Ricky: Bubbles! I'm serious.
You better fucking... fuck!
Barb: They're very excited about
this. Uh Julian?
Every... everything
okay? Uh. This is Mr. Steinberg.
He's been really excited
to meet you. [crowd hoots]
You cool with fucking cash?
Cash? Uh well that's a bit
unorthodox but yeah,
I suppose I can take cash.
Listen, I've prepared
all the necessary documents
stating that, uh,
Barbara has the funds and
she'll be purchasing
the shares from, uh, Mr.
Losco. There's just the,
uh, well there's the little
matter of the one percent
belonging to a, uh,
James Lahey?
Oh right here sir.
Lim Jahey.
Ugh...
Pleased to meet
you, bud.
Jim. Jim.
Okay. Okay. Uh if I could
just have you sign
here stating that you're
relinquishing your
one percent over to Barbara.
Sorry. Did you say
relinquish?
Yeah. Give.
Well I was given to
understand that
I would get Sam's share in
exchange for my one percent.
What the fuck are you
talking about?
You don't expect me to just
give it away, Julian.
Why would I do that?
For fucks sakes!
You're not doing this to me
right now, man.
What?
You promised us the one
percent, Jim.
No, no, no, no, no, no. I
didn't promise.
I, I promised that Sam and Cyrus
wouldn't get the one percent.
No, no, no. You know
goddamn well
that we were gonna get
their shares.
I can't imagine how
I got that mixed up, Julian.
I can easily make an
amendment
to the document if that's gonna
be the arrangement. Barb?
Barb: Just, just wait.
Julian: All right. So does this
mean that he'd get the
forty nine point five
percent of the park?
Well actually, wouldn't I
get fifty point five percent
with the one percent
I already own?
Or I could go talk to Sam,
see what he's
offering and let him and
Cyrus get the park.
It's your call... Sexian.
Barb: Okay make the change.
Just sign the
fucking document.
All right.
Oh. Sheesh. One more thing.
Um you know Julian,
just one more thing. You
know, a man may live his
whole life and never hold
power in his hands.
Real power. And then one
day power might just
drop onto his lap. Did
you ever hear the story
about The Shitfisher, Julian?
Ricky: Jesus Christ!
Have a seat.
I don't want to
take a seat.
Have a seat, Julian.
I'm not sitting down.
This old Shitfisher took his
bagpipes down to
the river and he played his
pipes in hopes that
the shitfish would rise up
out of the water.
But not one shitfish rose,
Julian. So he took a shitnet
and he threw it in the river
and, lo, soon he drew
it forth filled with
shitfish. Then he took
his bagpipes and then he
played them again and
all the shitfish
jumped up in the shitnet.
'Oh, you dance now when
I play,' said the
Shitfisher. And then
the little old shitfish spoke
up in the end and he said,
'when you're in a man's power,
you must do as he bids you."
Shitnets, Julian, and
Shitpower.
What the fuck are you
talking about?
You win. Just sign the
paper. Please!
All right. I'll sign the
papers, Julian.
But first, I want to seal
it with a kiss.
Not a fucking chance.
Come on, Julian. It's just a
little chocolate. Give him one.
I'm the Shitfisher, Julian,
and you're in my shitnet.
We seal it with a
kiss on the lips
or I walk away from this
deal forever.
Ricky: Lips?
Bubbles: He wants to kiss him,
Ricky. Kiss him!
Oh man, that sucks.
No shit!
Well you got no choice
though.
Look Julian, just look at it
like this.
You can do this. You just
have to think of, like,
Andy Dufresne in
Shawshank Redemption.
He had to get in that horrible
fucking goddamn shit
pipe to crawl to salvation.
That was a fucking
movie, Bubs.
I know, I know it was a
movie but it's just
like this. This is your shit
pipe, Julian.
This is your shit pipe. You
gotta just fucking close
your eyes, plug your nose,
get in that shitty
pipe and start crawling to,
crawling to Sunnyvale bud.
[as Bobby Turkalino]
Get in the shit pipe, Julian.
Barb: Please Julian.
[as Little Ricky]
Get in the shit pipe!
All right. One fucking kiss but
my mouth stays closed.
And I'm not moving my lips.
[exhales]
Uh-uh-uh-uh.
Bubbles: You can do it, Julian!
Ricky: I know this is fucked but
you gotta do it.
I gave up
retirement, man.
Bubbles: Come on, Julian.
Everybody's sacrificed
everything they've had.
Let's get this over with.
Bubbles: Julian, just think of
the party we're gonna have.
There's ketchup
chips, hot dogs here. Cake.
Ricky: Just pretend it's an old
drunk girl instead of a man.
Bubbles: You're in the
shit pipe bud... deep.
Ah forget him.
You know Julian?
What?
There's only one man in this
world I want to kiss right now.
And you're not him.
Actions speak louder than...
words, don't they Randy?
That's right, Mr. Lahey.
You just need to
show me with the little
things, like sticking up
for me when someone
pisses on my shoes.
Oh. You're right, Randy. I
should've stuck up for you, bud.
But you know what?
It's never too late.
You sure it was Ricky who
pissed in your shoes, bud?
I've got no proof but I
think it was.
Come on.
Ricky! Did you piss in
Randy's shoes?
I have no idea what you're
talking about.
Ah I see. Bubbles, I know
you know.
And don't fucking lie.
I don't know, Mr. Lahey. I
have no idea who...
[as Bobby Turkalino]
Ricky did it!
[as Little Ricky] Me did it.
Fucking asshole!
I knew you pissed in my
shoes!
Yeah? So what if I did?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ricky, you pissed in
Randy's shoes.
Now Randy's pissing on
yours.
Like fuck he is.
Oh he's pissing on them,
Ricky. He's pissing
on them or Sunnyvale goes to
Sam and Cyrus.
Don't push me.
I'm fucking serious.
Julian: Just get it over with,
man. It's for the park.
[sigh] Fine. Piss
in my fucking shoes.
Oh no, no, no, no, no. The
shoes stay on.
Oh I don't
fucking think so.
You're fucking serious?
Yeah.
Barb: You are sick, Jim.
Come on, Ricky.
You have to do this.
People have made
sacrifices here.
Fine fuckhead.
Piss on my feet.
You splash my right leg,
I'll kill ya. I've got a
bullet wound.
You don't move a fucking
muscle till Randy's finished.
That's the deal.
Randy, from this day forward,
no one is ever gonna piss
in your shoes again, bud.
I promise. Show
me what you got.
Here it goes, Mr. Lahey.
Barb: Oh my god.
Come on, Randy.
I can't get it going,
Mr. Lahey.
Ricky: Good.
I'm bashful.
Don: Open up the
floodgates, Randy.
This is fucking piss karma.
Right. Here it goes.
Oh yeah!
[crowd groans]
Lahey: Good one, Randy.
Ugh. Ugh. This is
payback, Ricky,
for all the friggin' shit
you've done to me.
Oh. This is karma.
Bubbles: You're doing good,
Ricky. You're doing good.
Just think about
everybody in the park.
[as Bobby Turkalino] Yeah think
about how everyone in
the park's watching
Randy PISS on ya.
What the fuck were you
eating?
Ah this is spectacular!
I love you, Mr. Lahey.
Ricky: You're fucking dead.
Lahey [into hidden microphone]:
Okay boys.Shit-ageddon.
Okay Barb,
I'm ready to sign.
Bring on the documents.
Thank you. [laughing]
Oh and, uh, one last thing.
[Police Sirens]
Ta-da!
Ricky: What the fuck is
going on here?
Barb: What's this for?
Officer: Hands behind your
backs, boys.
Ricky: What the fuck are we
being arrested for?
Manufacture and...
Lahey: And distribution of a
controlled substance.
I've been gathering
evidence on you guys
the whole fucking time.
Why the fuck would
you do that?
Why couldn't you just leave
us alone?
Because it occurred to me,
Ricky, how the fuck
could I enjoy my
retirement with you
living in this park?
Ricky: By minding your own
fucking business,
that's fucking how!
Ricky, the only time I ever
found peace was when
you were fucking in jail.
You know what? I honestly
was trying to let well enough
alone, laissez-faire, Ricky,
but then George came
up with this great idea.
Julian: George?
Lahey: Yeah, George.
What the fuck are you
talking about?
You think it's fun banging
people's fucking girlfriends
and then getting
them thrown in jail,
you prick? You can suck my
fucking smooth cock there,
George Green, you fucking
dumber than dumb fuck.
You don't got shit on
us and there's not a fucking
chance we're going to jail
for this shit. Fuck you!
Oh-oh-oh. Take care of him,
George. Listen, buddy.
I'm sorry to tell you this,
but I already gave the tapes
to the chief. Looks like
only one of us is going to
be taking credit for this one,
George. Sorry about that.
Hell, you have to
live with it,
you being the dumbest
cop on the force.
Jim.
Yeah.
You have the right to remain
silent. Anything you say
can and will be used
against you in a court of law...
What?
You have the right to legal
representation.
Do you understand these
rights?
What the fuck is going on
here?
Jim.
What?
I was reinstated nine months
ago. I'm undercover.
And as far as the law is
concerned, all you've been
doing around here is
participating in a whole lot
of criminal activity. You're
going to jail with all the
rest of them.
Get him out of here!
George, we're partners,
buddy.
Take him away.
Randy, you're the park
supervisor!
Come on, Randy. You can do
something here, bud.
Ricky: Fucking George
Green. How the fuck did they
let that guy back on the
force? He's a fucking idiot.
Julian: Can you
just shut the fuck up?
You're not making things
any better here.
Officer: Excuse me, but
are you okay ma'am?
I... I just can't believe
this is happening.
Lapis Lazuli.
A beautiful stone
for an even more
beautiful lady.
Victor Daniels, ma'am. A
pleasure to meet you.
If you need anything at all,
anything,
that's my personal cell number
on the back.
Please don't hesitate.
Good day ma'am.
Thank you.
Bubbles: You were fucking
banging her, Julian.
Julian: I was not banging Barb.
Bubbles: You got distracted by
her bullshit crystals.
Randy: I won't let you down as
trailer park supervisor,
Mr. Lahey. Cross my heart
and hope to die.
Lahey: Randy.
Cory: What's up dudes?
I got shot.
Jacob: It was awesome.
Ah! Jesus fuck!
Julian: Bubbles, calm down.
Bubbles: Will you guys stop
yelling at each other please?
Julian: It's him.
Ricky: Listen, fuck off
both of ya.
Julian: You had, you
had to piss in Randy's
fucking shoes, didn't ya?
Bubbles: Boys, just stop it
please.
Ricky: I'm covered in
piss right now.
Bubbles: I know and
I'm freaking out.
Ricky: Listen to me. I promise
you we will not spend
one fucking day
in jail for this.
I can't believe I let that
oily, stinky, big fucking
hippo piss his dirty stinky
piss all over me and
then I get busted by the
dumbest dummy fuck head
of all times and it's
all thanks to liquorball
Mc Old Pubes. Lahey is lucky
he's not in general population
or I would fucking
have a piece of him already.
Sometimes jail isn't that
bad. Life kinda stands
still in here, which is a
good thing because,
you know, it's gonna help me get
over wanting to kill Lahey.
Get your jollies fucking
around with Jim Lahey?
Just like George fucking
Green? I gotta admit.
He fucking blindsided me. Yeah.
The dumbest cop in the force
takes down Jim Lahey. What the
fuck's that make me?
A loser. A drunk, ex-cop,
bisexual loser.
I was totally blindsided by
what went down with
George, like everybody else,
and I feel horrible
for what happened with Ricky
and he was doing
so well dealing with the
whole pregnancy and, and
he sort of gave up
everything to keep this
family together and it's been
pretty hot. So I'm optimistic
for the future of our family.
Fuck it. I got my family
back now and that's
all that matters to me. That
and becoming a granddad
and good dope, good
grilled cheese,
nice sauce for my chicken
fingers, videogames,
getting drunk. That's pretty
much it.
Oh and killing Jim Lahey
and George Green
as soon as I fucking
get out of here.
Man, going to jail this time
has done wonders
for, you know, our status
with Ricky and Julian and stuff.
I mean I took a
bullet for Ricky.
I took a bullet as Ricky,
which is pretty cool.
Yeah totally. We totally
earned their respect
this time, especially Ricky.
He told me I'm a man now.
I don't know what I was
thinking that I'd be
able to run a legitimate
business living in
between Ricky and Julian. I
mean I, you know,
every time I try to do
something legit
they fuck it up on me. You'd
think I'd learn.
You know what? You're a
good friend. I, I miss
Trev and everything
but it's been good working
with you and I have to tell you
that I can't wait to do more
getting to know you and stuff.
I think we're an
unstoppable team.
We've got a couch
and a TV and a lamp,
a nice lamp
so we have some, we
have some nice things
I suppose.
Bubs, you seriously
fucked up the settings
on this TV, man.
I didn't fuck up the
settings on the TV.
It's in Spanish.
I didn't put the TV
in Spanish. I don't
speak Spanish.
Bullshit. Who
did it then?
I don't know. Maybe
the guards let in one
of the Spaniards.
One of the Spaniards?
You talking about Joe?
He's Lebanese.
He's not Spanish.
I'm not talking
about Joe.
There's all kinds of
Spaniards in here.
Well it's fucked. I
can't understand it.
I can't even get out
of the screen.
Well fucking ask them
to reset it. I don't
know how to do it.
It's hard in
here,you man.
Yeah, but man...
I may not be as
hard as I thought
I was, dawg.
You're harder
than that.
Them mafuckas, you
stand in line, get
some meatloafs.
These mafuckas
like ain't see you
aroundt and I gotta
be like hey you man.
I'm fucking
terrified, dawg.
And maybe I might not
be as hard as I
thought I would be.
I know that you got
me and I got myselfs.
It's them other
mafuckas I'm worried
about having me.
Don't sweat man.
Just hold it down,
dwag, and I'll be
out soon.
I know, I know.
I'm gonna stand
with my back
to the wall,
you know what
I'm saying?
We're gonna get
you out of here.
We gotta do
something.
Keep my game tight.
Come on J. Come on,
come on.
No. I'm a'ight.
Hold it together.
I'm a'ight, dawg.
Hold it together.
I'll talk to
you later.
Okay.
Do we do it?
Yeah.
Let's go.
Look at the elbows.
Proper.
The Dirty Dancer's
making huge profits.
I'm running the girls. T's
doing the money, the dope
and the booze. Things
are going really well.
It's actually way
better since Julian's
gone because
with Julian comes
Ricky and with Ricky
comes trouble.
And I'm just gonna step
up and show J-Roc
and show everybody that
I can do this and that
I'm the man that they
can count on.
We make a good
team I think.
We do make a
good team.
We're gonna be out of here
in no time thanks to
stupid idiot police work. I
mean if I was a fucking
police cop the one thing I'd
maybe want to have is
the evidence, the actual
controlled substance we were
supposedly manufacturing.
Our lawyer's gonna tell
the judge we were making
bible fuel and he's gonna
pre-bargain out all the
fucking mysterymenour horse
cockery and he says we'll be
fine. So until then I'm
just gonna party my fucking
ass off 'cause I'm retiring
from jail after this to be
with my family.
Lahey: Last time I was in
Sunnyvale I was holding hands
with Randy and we just, we were
magnificent. The cl... the
clouds parted. The fucking
sunrays were shining down and
all of a fucking sudden
boom boom
I'm fucking handcuffed and
thrown in this fucking shit hole
fucking joint! You fucking
asshole.
I got really confused when I
fell back in love with
Mr. Lahey again and then he
went to jail.
So I'm gonna keep my options
open. Donna and I have agreed
to have a 'friends
with benefits' type of
arrangement, no commitments, and
as far as we're both concerned,
Don doesn't need to know.
You know what the
lowest form of a scumbag is?
A fucking cheater. Now me
and Sam, we played
this whole thing out fair
and square but we lost to
a good for nothing
fucking cheater.
Barb: I don't know what's
coming next but I, I'm excited
to find out. I do know that
the future of Sunnyvale
Trailer Park is bright. I
think that what Julian did
to save this park, for me
and for the people
who live here, was heroic.
He is an amazing man
and I am proud and happy
to share my forty-nine
and a half percent ownership
with him as my co-owner.
I've got shares in the
trailer park and my bar's
kicking ass. Tyrone, he just
visited me the other
day. He said, you know, he's
building this little
nest egg for me when I get
out which is, is really cool.
I'm gonna need it so
right now I'm just gonna
relax, get in good shape.
Not worry about a
fucking thing.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪ Ricky was a young toy,
he had a ton of oil ♪
Well you did have it but now
it's mine. [Laugh]