Trailer Park Boys (2001–2018): Season 11, Episode 7 - Episode #11.7 - full transcript
Bubbles:
Julian, we need to tell
him the fucking truth!
We can't. Not yet.
Well, the more
attached he becomes
and the comfortable
he becomes around Lahey,
the more pissed off
he's going to be
when he finds out
we knew and we didn't
fucking tell him!
Look, man, I'm not buying
this. Think about it.
Why would it
take Lahey so long
to fucking tell him
something like that, huh?
I don't know, but...
whether he's really
Ricky's father or not,
he honestly fucking
believes that he is.
He believes it!
Do you think this
is a coincidence?
Lahey broke up with Randy,
then gained Ricky's trust.
Now, all of a sudden,
they're one big
happy fucking family?
Come on, man!
Oh, I don't
know. Maybe.
Nuh-uh. No way.
Lahey's smart, Ricky's dumb,
and Lahey knows that.
He's just fucking
tugging at his
heart-strings, man.
Look how fucking sincere
he looks right now.
Look at him.
It's pretty fucking
brilliant, actually.
Oh, fuck's sakes!
Now you're getting me
all worked up,
second-guessing
myself!
Look, you've just
got to calm down.
Lahey's smart,
but I'm smarter.
We've just got to
harvest all that weed,
get it out of
the rink by today.
That's all
we've got to do.
Oh is that all? Fuck!
That's easy!
Harvest a couple of
hundred weed plants
and move them to a new
location undetected.
Fuck, I can do
that by myself!
I'm being sarcastic!
(Theme music)
Julian:
Hey, Ricky.
Did you guys hear
something? 'Cause I
know I fucking didn't.
It's Julian
talking, Ricky.
How long are you going
to go without talking
to me?
It's been a week.
We've nothing to talk
about. I don't talk
to fucking
Arnold Swarzenanegger
fucking imperforators
trying to fucking ruin
other people's families
'cause they're
fucking jealous!
Ricky!
Ricky, don't be
like that. Come on.
Rick...
You're absolutely
right, man.
I am jealous.
I've never
had a dad before
and you've had
two now.
It hurts, man.
Oh, so what?
You're just going to
fucking kill my new one?
It wasn't supposed
to be crazy like that.
Jesus, man.
Think about it.
The bottle kids never
fucking hurt anybody
like that before!
Bullshit!
Randy fucking
said they told him
that you said to keep
going until there
was fucking blood!
What? I did not fucking
say that, Randy!
Those kids must
be on chemicals
or drugs or
something, man.
(Sighing)
Look, Jim...
(Sighing)
I'm sorry.
You know,
I know we've had
our differences
in the past.
I just want you
to know that...
I accept you
as Ricky's father.
And I don't mean to
be jealous but I am.
I've always looked up
to you all my life, man.
It's just tough.
It's awful big of you
to say so, Julian.
It means a lot to me.
And I know I can't
undo everything
that's happened
in the past,
and... I don't know...
anything about fathers
and sons and...
you know, 'cause
I've never had one before.
But I know,
from what I've heard,
they go golfing
together, so...
I got you guys
these passes.
Wow...
And here, you guys
can use the Caddy.
I topped it up
with gas.
Well, I couldn't
go today.
I got to look
at the plants
and they're probably
ready for harvest.
Ricky, we can
forget about it.
It's just one day, man.
What's important here
is that you guys
have some
catching up to do.
All right?
Huh!
I'm sorry, man.
You really
mean that, Julian?
Of course
I do, man.
You guys are
my fucking brothers.
Thanks, Julian.
You're a good
fucking guy.
You've earnt
my expect again.
(Whistling)
You okay, Bubs?
What are you doing?
(Laughing)
R2D2 trying to
get in on the love.
Get in here, man.
I love you guys.
I don't want to
be fighting, man.
Golf, huh?
It can't be that hard.
(Bird squawking)
Lahey:
Great to have you back, Ran.
I'm really looking forward
to moving past all this
and just being one big happy
family with everyone.
Well,
not everyone.
What do you mean?
Well, not Julian.
Randy...
that was a really
sincere apology, bud.
You didn't actually
fall for that shit?
After everything
he's done to you?
I know, Randy,
but...
let's not forget all
the horrible things
I did to Julian.
To all of them,
for that matter.
It's not like
he tried
to blow me up
with dynamite.
I'm not letting
this go, if that's
what you think.
Randy!
You're never going
to be a cop.
It's not about that.
It's about standing up
and taking Julian down
for everything
he's ever done to you.
Randy, you're going
to drive yourself crazy.
I'm telling you, bud!
He's sending you golfing
for a reason.
Think about it.
Don't waste your life
chasing Julian around
like I did, Randy!
I can't believe
you're falling
for his shit!
This is what
he always does!
People change, Randy.
Look at me!
I'm living proof!
Randy:
I'm taking the
frigging car!
(Chuckle)
(Door slamming)
Hey, T,
listen up, man.
What's up, man?
There's been
a change of plans.
We've got to
harvest today.
I'm going to need
all hands on deck, boys.
Today?
Yeah, like,
right now.
I can't see it, man.
I got a two-hour
corporate gig
booked in the T Box,
plus phones
gotta get fixed.
I got cards that
need to be programmed.
Shit's too tight.
It's impossible.
It's impossible.
Impossible.
I'll give you
a half a pound
of weed.
Done! Roc-Pile,
let's roll!
Mr. Green, hold shit
down here, man.
Hold it down.
What happened
to impossible?
Shit, a half
a pound of weed
will move mountains.
You know what it is.
All right, see you
down at the rink, man.
Cory, Jacob,
round up
as many people from
the park as you can,
meet us down at
the fucking rink.
Okay, Julian.
All right.
Let's go, man.
All right.
(Loud music playing)
Ricky:
I'll tell you right now,
there's no fucking way
I'm calling Randy "Mom"
or "Mother" or
"Dad Number Two".
Fuck that!
Don't worry, Ricky,
that'll never be the case.
This game
is so fucked.
Why do we have to use
golf club sticks?
I can't feel any one.
Rick... Who knows.
Maybe you'll end up liking
the game. We can invite...
Ricky!
For fuck's sake...
Sorry.
Maybe we'll, uh...
invite Jacob
and Randy along,
have a foursome.
Have a foursome?
Jacob and Randy?
Dad, no offence,
but I only bang chicks.
No...
I'm not talk about
a sex party, Ricky.
Foursome is
a word you use
when four people
play golf.
Oh, okay.
Man:
You're all set, guys.
The clubs will be on
the cart. Here's your key,
and the locker rooms
are down to the right.
Perfect.
Locker rooms? Why?
Well, I assume
you're going to
change out of those.
Well you fucking
assume wrong.
Are you going to change?
What you're wearing
is way more fucked
than what I'm wearing!
You look like a
fucking candy cane
tarantula slut!
Rick...
Sir, there are rules.
I can't allow you
on the course
dressed like that.
Really.
Okay, I get it.
Well, I can't allow
you to fuck off and
lick my balls
unless I ask you
to fuck off and
lick my balls.
So...
Can you fuck off
and lick my balls?
Can you fucking
do that?
Sir, that's not in
my job description.
Well, fucking put it
in your job description,
you little dick.
Rick...
Hey, I'll take
care of it.
Hm.
Lahey:
Ricky!
What a dick...
Lahey:
Come on, bud!
Julian:
All right, doing a great job.
Less fluffing,
more cutting.
Ma'am, you're
not cutting hair,
you're cutting weed.
Doesn't have
to look pretty.
Julian,
I'm sorry.
We're just not strong
enough to cut these things.
We can cut the buds
but you can't cut
through these stalks.
Yeah.
Okay, I'm sorry,
ladies.
It is pretty tough.
Roc-Pile, you guys
are going to have
to double-time it
on the stalks.
They can't cut
through it.
This is what
you guys can do.
You're going to be
the baggers, okay?
You're going to
bag everything.
Thank you. We'll try
our best, Julian.
Thank you, ladies.
It's all I ask for.
Jacob.
Jacob, get the
fuck over here.
Do you think
you guys could
find some people
that can actually
cut through a
fucking weed plant?
Oh, that's not
our fault, dude.
Everyone else
was at work.
The oldies are
the only one around
during the daytime.
Yeah, exactly.
You guys are so
fucking stupid!
We got to pick up
the pace here, man.
What, are you
fucking crazy?
You're going to
threaten the oldies
with a handgun?
I'm not going
to threaten them.
Just going to wave
it around a bit,
maybe fire one off
in the air, man.
Just get the
adrenaline going.
Picking it up.
You're not getting
their fucking
adrenaline going!
You get their
adrenaline going
and their fucking
hearts gonna explode!
They're old as
the hills, Julian!
All right, okay.
Respect your fucking...
Look at me.
What?
Respect your elders.
I do! Okay?
All right, listen up,
everybody.
I know everyone's
working really hard
but, if we're going
to pull this off,
you've got to pick up
the fucking pace for me.
Okay? All right.
Thank you very much.
Put it away!
I put the safety...
(Gunshot)
(Screams)
Jesus Murphy!
Oh-h-h!
It's okay, everybody!
It's okay. Remain calm.
That was just a
very loud pellet gun
and it will
not happen again.
Try to keep your heart
rates down, please.
I was...
You're a fucking
asshole!
I was just putting
the safety on.
Oh yeah, just
putting the safe...
Who are you,
Cyrus now?
Aw jeez, don't you
ever call me Cyrus.
Well, stop acting
like him!
Well, start
working then!
I am working!
What are you doing,
walking around fucking
scaring people?
Getting bags.
I'm working.
What the fuck are
you doing, nothing.
I'm taking fucking...
inventory.
Lahey:
Bounced off that
tree right there.
I thought
the little fucking
idiot was right here.
I can't believe
this costs 200 bucks!
I look like a...
(Screaming) fucking dick!
There's
the little fuckface.
Get out the way then,
you fucking idiot.
Woah, woah, woah, woah!
Green's over this way.
This way?
Yeah. Keep it low,
under there.
(Thud)
Fuck off.
Just remember...
Look, stand...
trunk up...
Yeah. Nice and easy.
Okay.
Just relax,
just relax.
I'm relaxed.
I feel good, Dad.
(Exhales)
(Thuds)
Why are you such
a stupid fucking
cocksucker!
Guys!
This is taking
a real long time.
Can we play
through?
Through?
What the fuck kind
of a game is through?
Right now I'm trying
to play golf, so why
don't you fuck off
'cause I'm trying
to concentrate!
You can play through
when we're fucking
done with golf,
dickhead!
(Engine stopping)
Great...
These are the gentlemen
that used the passes
right here, Chief.
Why am I not
surprised?
Jim. Rick.
You guys dating now?
Actually, George,
Ricky's my son.
I never told him.
Really? Wow.
Wish I'd known
that one years ago.
What the fuck
do you want?
Well, Rick,
the passes you guys
used here today
came from the glove
compartment of my truck,
which was stolen.
Fuck...
I told them to
give me a call
if anybody was ever
dumb enough to use them,
(Chuckling)
and here you are.
George, I didn't steal
your fucking truck.
George:
Oh, I know you
didn't. Julian did.
But you are
in possession
of stolen property
now, aren't you?
No, actually, I'm not.
I'm in possession
of two golf passes
I bought at the fucking
flea market.
So why don't
you go down there
and try to figure out
who the fuck sold
them to me instead
of standing here
blowing fucking
super-dick shit-smoke
up our fucking asses?
George, you have no
evidence. You know it.
Shut the fuck up, Jim.
I've got enough
to drag you both
down to the station
and make you sit there
all day in the heat
until someone's
ready to see you.
Come on, let's go.
My fuck, you're
a dick, George.
Actually you're
more than a dick,
you're fucking
king and lord of
the fucking dicks!
George, we're just
trying to have
a real nice quiet
game of golf here.
Look...
What's it
going to take
for you to
just walk away?
What have you got
in your pockets?
Unbelievable.
As usual...
I've got $35.
Hm! Sweet.
That's more
than I paid
for the tickets at
the charity auction.
Good,
you're happy?
Good. Both of you,
fuck off, then!
Sir, I will let you
finish the ninth hole,
but you have to stop
with the yelling
and swearing.
I can do that.
Can I still do this,
though, fuckhead?
This fucking game
can suck my cock!
Good one, Rick.
Julian:
This is a goddamn
fucking nightmare.
Oh, I know it is.
Do you think I
don't know that?
Would you stop
fucking poking me
with those things?
Why don't you
try downsizing
the pythons?
Why don't you
fuck off?
Bubbles:
Oh, my God.
Um... Hey, kids!
Um... there's no
hockey school today.
I guess somebody
failed to mention that
to you, did they?
Oh, man, you guys are
harvesting without us.
Ricky said that
was the funnest part.
Did he tell you
how to do it?
Julian!
My God, you guys were
helping Ricky with this?
We grew
most of it.
Who do you think
been feeding
the fucking things?
Yeah, dummy.
My God!
Okay, kids, I want
you to get into
groups of two, okay?
No fucking way,
Julian!
Bubs, what other
choice do we have?
We have a choice!
And you better
think hard about
making it, too,
because these are
the kind of choices
that reveal your
true character, bud.
Bubs, things could
get more and more
complicated, okay?
When things get
more complicated,
there's greater and
greater risks involved.
I swear to fuck
the more storybooks
you read,
the more fucked in
the head you sound!
You've got to remember
why we're doing this!
You want to live
on the ocean
on that piece of land
as a family?
Huh? Do you?
Oh, you're going to try
this again?
I know what
you're doing.
Do you or
don't you?
Yes.
All right,
let's do this then.
Just wait. We'll do
it on one condition.
We'll do it
on one condition.
You look into
the camera,
Julian, and you say
that the kids had
nothing to do with this.
Are you fucking
kidding me?
That's the only way
it's happening.
Right, kids?
Kids:
Do it, Julian! Do it! Do it!
All right, all right,
all right!
I'll do it.
(Sighing)
Hi, I'm Julian.
And if you're
watching this
at the police station
right now, I was busted.
I just want to make it very
clear that if there was children
or senior citizens
involved as well,
they weren't involved, okay?
Don't arrest them.
I manipulated everybody.
Okay, is that cool?
(Stage whisper)
At gunpoint.
At gunpoint. It was
all me and Ricky and...
Oh, and Jim Lahey
and Randy, as well.
They were involved too.
Okay, are we good?
(Stage whisper)
And your best
friend Bubbles
had nothing
to do with it.
(Sighing)
And my best friend
in the world, Bubbles,
had nothing to do
with this entire thing.
He warned me
not to do it,
said it was stupid,
I did it anyway,
look what happened.
Okay, are
we good now?
I believe that
will suffice, yes.
All right, gang,
ready to do this?
Kids:
Yeah!
Okay, grab the clippers
from the oldies
and let's start hacking
down some plants!
Let's go!
Kids:
Yeah!
Woo!
Sweet Jesus,
what have we done?
Man:
This is bullshit.
Oh, look, dude.
I normally have someone
here helping me
and I am sorry,
and...
We paid good money,
we're not even fucked up.
Are you guys fucked up?
I'm not fucked up.
Yo, man, I'm sorry.
I apologize for
everything.
I would have smoked a joint
at the office if I knew this was
all it was going to be.
We thought we were going
to get really fucked up!
And I'm not fucked up!
And they're not fucked up!
I'm getting filmed
and we're not fucked up!
Yo, man,
calm down.
Let me see what
I can do for you guys.
All right?
Calm down. Hold on.
(Remote phone ringing)
Yo, T.
Yeah, man, I can't hotbox
this thing by myself.
Yeah, man, the clients
are over here pissed off.
Tyrone:
Stop being a pussy.
Put some muscle
into it.
Tyrone:
Get smoking and get down here.
The shit's ready to go.
What?
No...
For real?
A'ight, a'ight.
Just hold it down,
man, hold it down.
What's going on?
Mr. Green has
everything fucked.
He ain't coming.
No, no, no, no, no, no,
you call him back,
we need that fucking
bus right now, man!
Look, I can't
do it, dawg.
That corporate gig
is with a law firm.
Bitches is threatening
to shut me down!
For fuck's
sakes, T!
Well, you're only
getting paid
a quarter pound
of weed now, okay?
What?
The other quarter
was for the fucking bus,
which I don't have!
F... A'ight, a'ight.
I need to use
your truck, buddy.
Oh, we're going to use
my truck to haul weed
all over fucking town?
That's great!
Man:
Hey, guys.
I'm looking for someone
named Ricky. Is that you?
There's no Ricky
here, man.
Who the fuck
are you?
Oh... my God,
that's...
that's
Nathan MacKinnon!
Kid:
Holy fuck!
Oh, my God!
(Hyperventilating)
Drafted first overall
rookie of the year!
I'm having
a meltdown, Julian!
Calm, calm the fuck...
It's Nathan MacKinnon!
Please calm
the fuck down!
He's right there.
All right, you're
the Nathan MacKinnon,
the guy that plays
fucking professional
hockey?
No, Julian. I'm shitting
in my underwear
'cause it's a fucking
impostor Nathan MacKinnon.
You actually showed up
for Ricky's hockey school?
Right on, man.
Ah, no. Look.
I found these
all over town.
The other guys
are pissed off
that their names
are on this too.
Where is
this Ricky guy?
My lawyer needs
to talk to him.
Look, man. I'm
the garbage man here,
and I don't even
know this fucking
Ricky guy, but...
now that you're here,
man, I mean,
the kids know
you're here.
You're going to look
like a fucking dick
if you don't hang out
with them, right?
Well obviously
I'm going to play
hockey with the kids.
Kids:
Yes-s-s.
All right.
Decent.
Can I play too?
No. We'll just stick
with the kids, bud.
Hey, guys,
this isn't cool.
I know. I agree.
Let's go play
hockey, guys!
Kids:
(Cheering)
You okay?
Yeah. I'm just
freaking out.
All right, is all
the weed out of there?
It is.
Let's get the fuck
out of here.
Did I actually
shit myself?
Nope.
Ricky:
Well, this is the first
time I've played.
You should be able
to hit a few people
without fucking people
getting pissed off.
Barmaid: Hey.
Hey.
What can I get
for you?
Oh, two beers, please.
Whatever that is.
Beers?
Yeah. The first
beers with my son.
Something a father
always looks forward to.
Barmaid:
Are you guys members?
Here we go again!
Maybe we are,
maybe we aren't.
What the fuck's
it to you?
Well, you get
a discount on drinks.
Ooh, discounts!
Fucking weirdos.
Barmaid:
I'll take that as a no.
Oh, Jesus. Why
does everybody here
got a fucking bottle
of dick juice rammed
up their ass?
Rick...
You know what?
When this deal's
done, I might join
this fucking place.
Then we'll see
what's up around here.
Rick.
When are you going
to let all that go?
Mo's going to be
awful unhappy
if you're not
around.
The deal's almost done.
Snoop's sending
his main guy,
Sammy Ogea.
That'll be it,
it'll be over.
Snoop...
Is that the guy
who spray-painted
me last year?
(Chuckling)
Yeah, that was fucked.
I'm going to make
a lot of money, Dad.
Uh... thank you.
Thank you.
Are you sure
this is okay?
I mean, I don't want
to be responsible
for getting you back
on the liquor...
Ah!
I don't
have a problem
with alcohol
anymore, Ricky.
Honestly.
You know, I realized
my drinking
was filling a void.
Yeah, but Mo
changed all that.
You know,
it's easy quitting
when you're not
quitting for yourself,
when you have
someone to quit for.
You know, I already
had one kid
who won't talk to me
because of liquor.
I don't need a
great-grandson who won't.
To Mo,
my guardian angel.
To Mo.
(Cellphone ringing)
(Sighing)
Yeah, Ran?
Randy, there could
be anything
in those garbage bags,
including garbage.
Ran, I told you.
Leave Julian alone.
Listen, I've got
to go now, okay?
Bye.
The fuck's going on?
Ugh, Randy's
on to Julian,
whatever's happening
down at the rink.
Look, I've been
trying to tell him.
I said,
"Randy, drop it."
But I can't control him
ever since he's been
on that "Well, I want
to be a cop" kick.
You know, Randy's
only half as dumb
as people think.
What the fuck
was he talking
with garbage bags?
Oh, he saw Julian
taking garbage bags
out of the rink.
Oh my fucking God!
Lahey:
What?
That fucking prick!
He's fucking me!
We've got to go!
Future officer Randy here.
Suspects are now
moving northbound.
Suspected contraband
is being moved
to a new location.
That's the suspects'
truck right there.
(Sticks tapping)
(Impact)
Fuck you!
Oh my fuck...
Oh my fucking God!
What the fuck
is going on here?
Julian wouldn't
take all my weed!
Kid:
Him and Bubbles
took it all.
You just missed them!
What?
Who the fuck
are you?
That's
Nathan MacKinnon,
you dumbass.
My God, you are so
braindead sometimes,
it's amazing.
Sorry, man, I didn't
recognize you.
Is your name Ricky?
No! No, I'm, uh...
Cory Trevorson.
This is my
father Jacob.
Jacob Trevorson.
Nice to meet you.
What's this talk
about weed?
Are you guys
growing weed in here?
No! No, we're growing
some tulips and daisies
for the big upcoming
flower show...
Kids:
Oh, come on!
Well, they got
fucked over by weeds
and we were
taking weeds...
It's just a lot of
weed talk basically.
Great to meet you,
you're awesome.
Keep it up, kids.
We'll see you soon,
all right?
We've got to run.
Is this guy
growing weed in here?
Kids:
Yeah. Big time.
Look, I can't be around
this kind of thing
and neither
should you.
It's not like
we were smoking it.
We were just
growing it.
And harvesting it.
Nathan:
If you guys do drugs,
you can't do tricks
like this.
(Slapshot)
Kids:
Whoa-a-a-a...
Rick, there
is probably
a reasonable
explanation.
So just try to stay
calm. Okay, son?
All right, Dad.
I'll fucking try to.
(Car doors slamming)
Ricky:
How's it going?
Julian:
Hey, guys.
Ricky:
How are my two best friends
on such a beautiful
fucking day?
Doing good.
Where did you
get the shirt?
Boys...
After all we've
fucking been through,
how in the fuck
could you...
do this to me?
(Screaming)
Open up that
container right now
and give me back
my fucking weed!
You get rid of him and
I'll fucking explain
everything
to you, man.
My dad's not
going anywhere.
Open the fucking
container now!
Ricky, just
calm down.
Not happening.
Oh, not
happening?
Really?
Not happening?
(Gun click)
Oh, it's fucking
happening, all right!
Open the container now.
You've got four seconds!
Oh come on,
guys!
Three...
Do you really want
to do this?
...two, one...
Is this how you
want to do this?
Yeah!
I'm not going to stand
here getting fucking
raped in the mouth,
so fucking open
the container now!
Nobody's raping
your mouth!
Boys, put
your guns down!
Everybody, put your
frigging guns down now!
I'm making a
citizen's arrest!
What the fuck is
wrong with your
brain, Randy, huh?
You're making
a citizen's arrest
for me shoving a pole
right up your fucking ass?
No, for all
the marijuana
Julian's got
in that container
right there.
I have no idea
what the fuck
you guys are
talking about.
Oh, yeah?
Look at this.
I missed garbage
collection.
It's a bunch of
fucking garbage.
Woop-dee-shit!
You fucking prick...
I fucking loved you guys
like fucking brothers
and this is what
you do to me?
You fuck me
this hard?
Ricky, nobody's
fucking you hard
or soft or
any other way.
You know what?
You guys gonna fuck me?
Maybe I'll fuck you.
Dad, Randy?
How would you guys
like to make 50 grand?
I'd do anything
for you, Rick.
50 grand!
What are you
talking about?
Look, I would do
anything for you, man,
but if you're going to
choose Randy and Lahey
over me and him,
you've got to fucking
come through me, buddy.
So be it. You
try to cut me out,
then I'll fucking
cut you out.
Is that right?
I'll fucking
shoot you, Julian.
I'll fucking shoot you!
(Mixed yelling)
Open that fucking
container now!
Open that fucking
container!
There's something
we've got to tell
you, Ricky!
What have you got
to tell me, Bubs?
We should have
told you long ago.
You better
fucking tell me...
(Mixed shouts)
Tell me right now or
I'm shooting him anyway!
Ricky, Listen!
Lahey's not your father!
What the fuck are
you talking about?
Bullshit, Bubbles!
Don't start
with that...
He's not!
That's a bunch of
fucking bullshit, Bubbles!
Ricky's my son!
No, he's not, Mr. Lahey.
I'm sorry. He's not.
We went and had
the blood checked
and it's not possible.
What do you mean, you
had the blood checked?
Look, Ricky.
We found out your
mother's blood type.
How?
We went to
the hospital
and you're Type B
and she's Type A,
and what type are you?
O.
Exactly.
Well, what the fuck
does that mean?
Look, summary
with Type O blood:
can't have a child
with Type B.
It's impossible.
I'm sorry, guys.
This can't be.
(Panicked panting)
Bubbles:
Ricky, come
here. Ricky...
No, fuck off!
Ricky!
(Sighing)
Oh, my God!
Are you okay,
Mr. Lahey?
What?
I've got hand it
to you, Lahey.
Great fucking
performance, buddy.
Julian...
You didn't have me
fucking fooled, though!
Julian.
Get the fuck
off my property.
That wasn't a
frigging performance,
Julian, you big meanie.
Oh, go fuck
yourself, Randy.
My fuck... This is
fucked. Poor Ricky.
Well, at least he knows
now, okay? He'll be all
right. He'll get over it.
Oh, he'll get over it?
Yeah.
Is he going to get over
when we tell him
Ray's not his dad?
We are not telling
him that.
We have to!
No, we're not
telling him!
All right. Let's
get some food, go
get some more booze
and figure out how
the fuck we're going
to finish this. Come on.
Can you stop filming me?
Julian: Ricky!
Bubbles: Rick!
He must be
in his room.
He wouldn't be
in his fucking room.
(Knocking on wall)
Come out.
Hey, Rick.
Look, man, we've got to talk
about this weed, buddy.
Julian.
What?
(In low voice)
Just... chill out.
How're you doing, Ricky?
Who's got your belly?
I'm okay, I guess.
It's just... well...
I was kind of liking having
a dad in my lives again.
I was actually kind of
starting to like the guy.
But the person I feel
the worst for is Mo.
I mean...
Mo fucking loves him.
He does, Ricky,
but you know what?
You've just got to remember
he's only three,
so that's... the
important thing.
What the fuck does that
have to do with anything?
Well, it just means
he's not going to remember
any of it, Ricky. Luckily.
Yes, he is. One of my
fucking first memories
is when I was three.
Rick, what do you
remember about
being three?
The time my dad took me
down to the nice lake
and we had
a good barbecue
and went fishing
and he gave me
my first cigarette
and taught me how to
inhale. I was three.
No, you were six.
You were almost
seven, Ricky.
Don't you remember?
It was my birthday
that afternoon.
That's how I remember.
You ate that big chunk of
hash out of Ray's tackle box.
And you came to the party
running around saying, "I'm
a chicken! I'm a chicken!"
And pooped yourself
and threw up all over
the cake and hot dogs.
Holy fuck!
You're fucking right!
I was fucking six
or maybe seven!
Holy fuck, boys.
This is a good thing.
I mean, I don't think
I do remember anything
when I was three.
Of course
you don't, man.
Nobody does, Ricky.
Well, you know what?
Fuck it, then.
If it's not going
affect Mo, I'm glad
he's not my fucking dad!
I knew Ray was my old man!
I fucking knew it.
We're too much alike.
Boys, this is actually
a really, really
fucking good thing.
No, actually
it isn't.
'Cause now that Lahey
know he's not your dad,
he's gonna be coming
at us even harder now.
Well, that depends
on... you know...
(Brakes screech,
engine idles)
This is our Ireland
wedding money, Mr. Lahey.
Are you sure about this?
I've never been more
sure about anything
in my life, Ran.
Get as much as you can
fit in the cart, bud.
(Theme music)
(Seabirds squawking)
Fish:
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off! Fuck!...
Fuck off! Jesus Christ!
(Whisper)
Fuck.
(Light clicks off)
Fuck off.
Julian, we need to tell
him the fucking truth!
We can't. Not yet.
Well, the more
attached he becomes
and the comfortable
he becomes around Lahey,
the more pissed off
he's going to be
when he finds out
we knew and we didn't
fucking tell him!
Look, man, I'm not buying
this. Think about it.
Why would it
take Lahey so long
to fucking tell him
something like that, huh?
I don't know, but...
whether he's really
Ricky's father or not,
he honestly fucking
believes that he is.
He believes it!
Do you think this
is a coincidence?
Lahey broke up with Randy,
then gained Ricky's trust.
Now, all of a sudden,
they're one big
happy fucking family?
Come on, man!
Oh, I don't
know. Maybe.
Nuh-uh. No way.
Lahey's smart, Ricky's dumb,
and Lahey knows that.
He's just fucking
tugging at his
heart-strings, man.
Look how fucking sincere
he looks right now.
Look at him.
It's pretty fucking
brilliant, actually.
Oh, fuck's sakes!
Now you're getting me
all worked up,
second-guessing
myself!
Look, you've just
got to calm down.
Lahey's smart,
but I'm smarter.
We've just got to
harvest all that weed,
get it out of
the rink by today.
That's all
we've got to do.
Oh is that all? Fuck!
That's easy!
Harvest a couple of
hundred weed plants
and move them to a new
location undetected.
Fuck, I can do
that by myself!
I'm being sarcastic!
(Theme music)
Julian:
Hey, Ricky.
Did you guys hear
something? 'Cause I
know I fucking didn't.
It's Julian
talking, Ricky.
How long are you going
to go without talking
to me?
It's been a week.
We've nothing to talk
about. I don't talk
to fucking
Arnold Swarzenanegger
fucking imperforators
trying to fucking ruin
other people's families
'cause they're
fucking jealous!
Ricky!
Ricky, don't be
like that. Come on.
Rick...
You're absolutely
right, man.
I am jealous.
I've never
had a dad before
and you've had
two now.
It hurts, man.
Oh, so what?
You're just going to
fucking kill my new one?
It wasn't supposed
to be crazy like that.
Jesus, man.
Think about it.
The bottle kids never
fucking hurt anybody
like that before!
Bullshit!
Randy fucking
said they told him
that you said to keep
going until there
was fucking blood!
What? I did not fucking
say that, Randy!
Those kids must
be on chemicals
or drugs or
something, man.
(Sighing)
Look, Jim...
(Sighing)
I'm sorry.
You know,
I know we've had
our differences
in the past.
I just want you
to know that...
I accept you
as Ricky's father.
And I don't mean to
be jealous but I am.
I've always looked up
to you all my life, man.
It's just tough.
It's awful big of you
to say so, Julian.
It means a lot to me.
And I know I can't
undo everything
that's happened
in the past,
and... I don't know...
anything about fathers
and sons and...
you know, 'cause
I've never had one before.
But I know,
from what I've heard,
they go golfing
together, so...
I got you guys
these passes.
Wow...
And here, you guys
can use the Caddy.
I topped it up
with gas.
Well, I couldn't
go today.
I got to look
at the plants
and they're probably
ready for harvest.
Ricky, we can
forget about it.
It's just one day, man.
What's important here
is that you guys
have some
catching up to do.
All right?
Huh!
I'm sorry, man.
You really
mean that, Julian?
Of course
I do, man.
You guys are
my fucking brothers.
Thanks, Julian.
You're a good
fucking guy.
You've earnt
my expect again.
(Whistling)
You okay, Bubs?
What are you doing?
(Laughing)
R2D2 trying to
get in on the love.
Get in here, man.
I love you guys.
I don't want to
be fighting, man.
Golf, huh?
It can't be that hard.
(Bird squawking)
Lahey:
Great to have you back, Ran.
I'm really looking forward
to moving past all this
and just being one big happy
family with everyone.
Well,
not everyone.
What do you mean?
Well, not Julian.
Randy...
that was a really
sincere apology, bud.
You didn't actually
fall for that shit?
After everything
he's done to you?
I know, Randy,
but...
let's not forget all
the horrible things
I did to Julian.
To all of them,
for that matter.
It's not like
he tried
to blow me up
with dynamite.
I'm not letting
this go, if that's
what you think.
Randy!
You're never going
to be a cop.
It's not about that.
It's about standing up
and taking Julian down
for everything
he's ever done to you.
Randy, you're going
to drive yourself crazy.
I'm telling you, bud!
He's sending you golfing
for a reason.
Think about it.
Don't waste your life
chasing Julian around
like I did, Randy!
I can't believe
you're falling
for his shit!
This is what
he always does!
People change, Randy.
Look at me!
I'm living proof!
Randy:
I'm taking the
frigging car!
(Chuckle)
(Door slamming)
Hey, T,
listen up, man.
What's up, man?
There's been
a change of plans.
We've got to
harvest today.
I'm going to need
all hands on deck, boys.
Today?
Yeah, like,
right now.
I can't see it, man.
I got a two-hour
corporate gig
booked in the T Box,
plus phones
gotta get fixed.
I got cards that
need to be programmed.
Shit's too tight.
It's impossible.
It's impossible.
Impossible.
I'll give you
a half a pound
of weed.
Done! Roc-Pile,
let's roll!
Mr. Green, hold shit
down here, man.
Hold it down.
What happened
to impossible?
Shit, a half
a pound of weed
will move mountains.
You know what it is.
All right, see you
down at the rink, man.
Cory, Jacob,
round up
as many people from
the park as you can,
meet us down at
the fucking rink.
Okay, Julian.
All right.
Let's go, man.
All right.
(Loud music playing)
Ricky:
I'll tell you right now,
there's no fucking way
I'm calling Randy "Mom"
or "Mother" or
"Dad Number Two".
Fuck that!
Don't worry, Ricky,
that'll never be the case.
This game
is so fucked.
Why do we have to use
golf club sticks?
I can't feel any one.
Rick... Who knows.
Maybe you'll end up liking
the game. We can invite...
Ricky!
For fuck's sake...
Sorry.
Maybe we'll, uh...
invite Jacob
and Randy along,
have a foursome.
Have a foursome?
Jacob and Randy?
Dad, no offence,
but I only bang chicks.
No...
I'm not talk about
a sex party, Ricky.
Foursome is
a word you use
when four people
play golf.
Oh, okay.
Man:
You're all set, guys.
The clubs will be on
the cart. Here's your key,
and the locker rooms
are down to the right.
Perfect.
Locker rooms? Why?
Well, I assume
you're going to
change out of those.
Well you fucking
assume wrong.
Are you going to change?
What you're wearing
is way more fucked
than what I'm wearing!
You look like a
fucking candy cane
tarantula slut!
Rick...
Sir, there are rules.
I can't allow you
on the course
dressed like that.
Really.
Okay, I get it.
Well, I can't allow
you to fuck off and
lick my balls
unless I ask you
to fuck off and
lick my balls.
So...
Can you fuck off
and lick my balls?
Can you fucking
do that?
Sir, that's not in
my job description.
Well, fucking put it
in your job description,
you little dick.
Rick...
Hey, I'll take
care of it.
Hm.
Lahey:
Ricky!
What a dick...
Lahey:
Come on, bud!
Julian:
All right, doing a great job.
Less fluffing,
more cutting.
Ma'am, you're
not cutting hair,
you're cutting weed.
Doesn't have
to look pretty.
Julian,
I'm sorry.
We're just not strong
enough to cut these things.
We can cut the buds
but you can't cut
through these stalks.
Yeah.
Okay, I'm sorry,
ladies.
It is pretty tough.
Roc-Pile, you guys
are going to have
to double-time it
on the stalks.
They can't cut
through it.
This is what
you guys can do.
You're going to be
the baggers, okay?
You're going to
bag everything.
Thank you. We'll try
our best, Julian.
Thank you, ladies.
It's all I ask for.
Jacob.
Jacob, get the
fuck over here.
Do you think
you guys could
find some people
that can actually
cut through a
fucking weed plant?
Oh, that's not
our fault, dude.
Everyone else
was at work.
The oldies are
the only one around
during the daytime.
Yeah, exactly.
You guys are so
fucking stupid!
We got to pick up
the pace here, man.
What, are you
fucking crazy?
You're going to
threaten the oldies
with a handgun?
I'm not going
to threaten them.
Just going to wave
it around a bit,
maybe fire one off
in the air, man.
Just get the
adrenaline going.
Picking it up.
You're not getting
their fucking
adrenaline going!
You get their
adrenaline going
and their fucking
hearts gonna explode!
They're old as
the hills, Julian!
All right, okay.
Respect your fucking...
Look at me.
What?
Respect your elders.
I do! Okay?
All right, listen up,
everybody.
I know everyone's
working really hard
but, if we're going
to pull this off,
you've got to pick up
the fucking pace for me.
Okay? All right.
Thank you very much.
Put it away!
I put the safety...
(Gunshot)
(Screams)
Jesus Murphy!
Oh-h-h!
It's okay, everybody!
It's okay. Remain calm.
That was just a
very loud pellet gun
and it will
not happen again.
Try to keep your heart
rates down, please.
I was...
You're a fucking
asshole!
I was just putting
the safety on.
Oh yeah, just
putting the safe...
Who are you,
Cyrus now?
Aw jeez, don't you
ever call me Cyrus.
Well, stop acting
like him!
Well, start
working then!
I am working!
What are you doing,
walking around fucking
scaring people?
Getting bags.
I'm working.
What the fuck are
you doing, nothing.
I'm taking fucking...
inventory.
Lahey:
Bounced off that
tree right there.
I thought
the little fucking
idiot was right here.
I can't believe
this costs 200 bucks!
I look like a...
(Screaming) fucking dick!
There's
the little fuckface.
Get out the way then,
you fucking idiot.
Woah, woah, woah, woah!
Green's over this way.
This way?
Yeah. Keep it low,
under there.
(Thud)
Fuck off.
Just remember...
Look, stand...
trunk up...
Yeah. Nice and easy.
Okay.
Just relax,
just relax.
I'm relaxed.
I feel good, Dad.
(Exhales)
(Thuds)
Why are you such
a stupid fucking
cocksucker!
Guys!
This is taking
a real long time.
Can we play
through?
Through?
What the fuck kind
of a game is through?
Right now I'm trying
to play golf, so why
don't you fuck off
'cause I'm trying
to concentrate!
You can play through
when we're fucking
done with golf,
dickhead!
(Engine stopping)
Great...
These are the gentlemen
that used the passes
right here, Chief.
Why am I not
surprised?
Jim. Rick.
You guys dating now?
Actually, George,
Ricky's my son.
I never told him.
Really? Wow.
Wish I'd known
that one years ago.
What the fuck
do you want?
Well, Rick,
the passes you guys
used here today
came from the glove
compartment of my truck,
which was stolen.
Fuck...
I told them to
give me a call
if anybody was ever
dumb enough to use them,
(Chuckling)
and here you are.
George, I didn't steal
your fucking truck.
George:
Oh, I know you
didn't. Julian did.
But you are
in possession
of stolen property
now, aren't you?
No, actually, I'm not.
I'm in possession
of two golf passes
I bought at the fucking
flea market.
So why don't
you go down there
and try to figure out
who the fuck sold
them to me instead
of standing here
blowing fucking
super-dick shit-smoke
up our fucking asses?
George, you have no
evidence. You know it.
Shut the fuck up, Jim.
I've got enough
to drag you both
down to the station
and make you sit there
all day in the heat
until someone's
ready to see you.
Come on, let's go.
My fuck, you're
a dick, George.
Actually you're
more than a dick,
you're fucking
king and lord of
the fucking dicks!
George, we're just
trying to have
a real nice quiet
game of golf here.
Look...
What's it
going to take
for you to
just walk away?
What have you got
in your pockets?
Unbelievable.
As usual...
I've got $35.
Hm! Sweet.
That's more
than I paid
for the tickets at
the charity auction.
Good,
you're happy?
Good. Both of you,
fuck off, then!
Sir, I will let you
finish the ninth hole,
but you have to stop
with the yelling
and swearing.
I can do that.
Can I still do this,
though, fuckhead?
This fucking game
can suck my cock!
Good one, Rick.
Julian:
This is a goddamn
fucking nightmare.
Oh, I know it is.
Do you think I
don't know that?
Would you stop
fucking poking me
with those things?
Why don't you
try downsizing
the pythons?
Why don't you
fuck off?
Bubbles:
Oh, my God.
Um... Hey, kids!
Um... there's no
hockey school today.
I guess somebody
failed to mention that
to you, did they?
Oh, man, you guys are
harvesting without us.
Ricky said that
was the funnest part.
Did he tell you
how to do it?
Julian!
My God, you guys were
helping Ricky with this?
We grew
most of it.
Who do you think
been feeding
the fucking things?
Yeah, dummy.
My God!
Okay, kids, I want
you to get into
groups of two, okay?
No fucking way,
Julian!
Bubs, what other
choice do we have?
We have a choice!
And you better
think hard about
making it, too,
because these are
the kind of choices
that reveal your
true character, bud.
Bubs, things could
get more and more
complicated, okay?
When things get
more complicated,
there's greater and
greater risks involved.
I swear to fuck
the more storybooks
you read,
the more fucked in
the head you sound!
You've got to remember
why we're doing this!
You want to live
on the ocean
on that piece of land
as a family?
Huh? Do you?
Oh, you're going to try
this again?
I know what
you're doing.
Do you or
don't you?
Yes.
All right,
let's do this then.
Just wait. We'll do
it on one condition.
We'll do it
on one condition.
You look into
the camera,
Julian, and you say
that the kids had
nothing to do with this.
Are you fucking
kidding me?
That's the only way
it's happening.
Right, kids?
Kids:
Do it, Julian! Do it! Do it!
All right, all right,
all right!
I'll do it.
(Sighing)
Hi, I'm Julian.
And if you're
watching this
at the police station
right now, I was busted.
I just want to make it very
clear that if there was children
or senior citizens
involved as well,
they weren't involved, okay?
Don't arrest them.
I manipulated everybody.
Okay, is that cool?
(Stage whisper)
At gunpoint.
At gunpoint. It was
all me and Ricky and...
Oh, and Jim Lahey
and Randy, as well.
They were involved too.
Okay, are we good?
(Stage whisper)
And your best
friend Bubbles
had nothing
to do with it.
(Sighing)
And my best friend
in the world, Bubbles,
had nothing to do
with this entire thing.
He warned me
not to do it,
said it was stupid,
I did it anyway,
look what happened.
Okay, are
we good now?
I believe that
will suffice, yes.
All right, gang,
ready to do this?
Kids:
Yeah!
Okay, grab the clippers
from the oldies
and let's start hacking
down some plants!
Let's go!
Kids:
Yeah!
Woo!
Sweet Jesus,
what have we done?
Man:
This is bullshit.
Oh, look, dude.
I normally have someone
here helping me
and I am sorry,
and...
We paid good money,
we're not even fucked up.
Are you guys fucked up?
I'm not fucked up.
Yo, man, I'm sorry.
I apologize for
everything.
I would have smoked a joint
at the office if I knew this was
all it was going to be.
We thought we were going
to get really fucked up!
And I'm not fucked up!
And they're not fucked up!
I'm getting filmed
and we're not fucked up!
Yo, man,
calm down.
Let me see what
I can do for you guys.
All right?
Calm down. Hold on.
(Remote phone ringing)
Yo, T.
Yeah, man, I can't hotbox
this thing by myself.
Yeah, man, the clients
are over here pissed off.
Tyrone:
Stop being a pussy.
Put some muscle
into it.
Tyrone:
Get smoking and get down here.
The shit's ready to go.
What?
No...
For real?
A'ight, a'ight.
Just hold it down,
man, hold it down.
What's going on?
Mr. Green has
everything fucked.
He ain't coming.
No, no, no, no, no, no,
you call him back,
we need that fucking
bus right now, man!
Look, I can't
do it, dawg.
That corporate gig
is with a law firm.
Bitches is threatening
to shut me down!
For fuck's
sakes, T!
Well, you're only
getting paid
a quarter pound
of weed now, okay?
What?
The other quarter
was for the fucking bus,
which I don't have!
F... A'ight, a'ight.
I need to use
your truck, buddy.
Oh, we're going to use
my truck to haul weed
all over fucking town?
That's great!
Man:
Hey, guys.
I'm looking for someone
named Ricky. Is that you?
There's no Ricky
here, man.
Who the fuck
are you?
Oh... my God,
that's...
that's
Nathan MacKinnon!
Kid:
Holy fuck!
Oh, my God!
(Hyperventilating)
Drafted first overall
rookie of the year!
I'm having
a meltdown, Julian!
Calm, calm the fuck...
It's Nathan MacKinnon!
Please calm
the fuck down!
He's right there.
All right, you're
the Nathan MacKinnon,
the guy that plays
fucking professional
hockey?
No, Julian. I'm shitting
in my underwear
'cause it's a fucking
impostor Nathan MacKinnon.
You actually showed up
for Ricky's hockey school?
Right on, man.
Ah, no. Look.
I found these
all over town.
The other guys
are pissed off
that their names
are on this too.
Where is
this Ricky guy?
My lawyer needs
to talk to him.
Look, man. I'm
the garbage man here,
and I don't even
know this fucking
Ricky guy, but...
now that you're here,
man, I mean,
the kids know
you're here.
You're going to look
like a fucking dick
if you don't hang out
with them, right?
Well obviously
I'm going to play
hockey with the kids.
Kids:
Yes-s-s.
All right.
Decent.
Can I play too?
No. We'll just stick
with the kids, bud.
Hey, guys,
this isn't cool.
I know. I agree.
Let's go play
hockey, guys!
Kids:
(Cheering)
You okay?
Yeah. I'm just
freaking out.
All right, is all
the weed out of there?
It is.
Let's get the fuck
out of here.
Did I actually
shit myself?
Nope.
Ricky:
Well, this is the first
time I've played.
You should be able
to hit a few people
without fucking people
getting pissed off.
Barmaid: Hey.
Hey.
What can I get
for you?
Oh, two beers, please.
Whatever that is.
Beers?
Yeah. The first
beers with my son.
Something a father
always looks forward to.
Barmaid:
Are you guys members?
Here we go again!
Maybe we are,
maybe we aren't.
What the fuck's
it to you?
Well, you get
a discount on drinks.
Ooh, discounts!
Fucking weirdos.
Barmaid:
I'll take that as a no.
Oh, Jesus. Why
does everybody here
got a fucking bottle
of dick juice rammed
up their ass?
Rick...
You know what?
When this deal's
done, I might join
this fucking place.
Then we'll see
what's up around here.
Rick.
When are you going
to let all that go?
Mo's going to be
awful unhappy
if you're not
around.
The deal's almost done.
Snoop's sending
his main guy,
Sammy Ogea.
That'll be it,
it'll be over.
Snoop...
Is that the guy
who spray-painted
me last year?
(Chuckling)
Yeah, that was fucked.
I'm going to make
a lot of money, Dad.
Uh... thank you.
Thank you.
Are you sure
this is okay?
I mean, I don't want
to be responsible
for getting you back
on the liquor...
Ah!
I don't
have a problem
with alcohol
anymore, Ricky.
Honestly.
You know, I realized
my drinking
was filling a void.
Yeah, but Mo
changed all that.
You know,
it's easy quitting
when you're not
quitting for yourself,
when you have
someone to quit for.
You know, I already
had one kid
who won't talk to me
because of liquor.
I don't need a
great-grandson who won't.
To Mo,
my guardian angel.
To Mo.
(Cellphone ringing)
(Sighing)
Yeah, Ran?
Randy, there could
be anything
in those garbage bags,
including garbage.
Ran, I told you.
Leave Julian alone.
Listen, I've got
to go now, okay?
Bye.
The fuck's going on?
Ugh, Randy's
on to Julian,
whatever's happening
down at the rink.
Look, I've been
trying to tell him.
I said,
"Randy, drop it."
But I can't control him
ever since he's been
on that "Well, I want
to be a cop" kick.
You know, Randy's
only half as dumb
as people think.
What the fuck
was he talking
with garbage bags?
Oh, he saw Julian
taking garbage bags
out of the rink.
Oh my fucking God!
Lahey:
What?
That fucking prick!
He's fucking me!
We've got to go!
Future officer Randy here.
Suspects are now
moving northbound.
Suspected contraband
is being moved
to a new location.
That's the suspects'
truck right there.
(Sticks tapping)
(Impact)
Fuck you!
Oh my fuck...
Oh my fucking God!
What the fuck
is going on here?
Julian wouldn't
take all my weed!
Kid:
Him and Bubbles
took it all.
You just missed them!
What?
Who the fuck
are you?
That's
Nathan MacKinnon,
you dumbass.
My God, you are so
braindead sometimes,
it's amazing.
Sorry, man, I didn't
recognize you.
Is your name Ricky?
No! No, I'm, uh...
Cory Trevorson.
This is my
father Jacob.
Jacob Trevorson.
Nice to meet you.
What's this talk
about weed?
Are you guys
growing weed in here?
No! No, we're growing
some tulips and daisies
for the big upcoming
flower show...
Kids:
Oh, come on!
Well, they got
fucked over by weeds
and we were
taking weeds...
It's just a lot of
weed talk basically.
Great to meet you,
you're awesome.
Keep it up, kids.
We'll see you soon,
all right?
We've got to run.
Is this guy
growing weed in here?
Kids:
Yeah. Big time.
Look, I can't be around
this kind of thing
and neither
should you.
It's not like
we were smoking it.
We were just
growing it.
And harvesting it.
Nathan:
If you guys do drugs,
you can't do tricks
like this.
(Slapshot)
Kids:
Whoa-a-a-a...
Rick, there
is probably
a reasonable
explanation.
So just try to stay
calm. Okay, son?
All right, Dad.
I'll fucking try to.
(Car doors slamming)
Ricky:
How's it going?
Julian:
Hey, guys.
Ricky:
How are my two best friends
on such a beautiful
fucking day?
Doing good.
Where did you
get the shirt?
Boys...
After all we've
fucking been through,
how in the fuck
could you...
do this to me?
(Screaming)
Open up that
container right now
and give me back
my fucking weed!
You get rid of him and
I'll fucking explain
everything
to you, man.
My dad's not
going anywhere.
Open the fucking
container now!
Ricky, just
calm down.
Not happening.
Oh, not
happening?
Really?
Not happening?
(Gun click)
Oh, it's fucking
happening, all right!
Open the container now.
You've got four seconds!
Oh come on,
guys!
Three...
Do you really want
to do this?
...two, one...
Is this how you
want to do this?
Yeah!
I'm not going to stand
here getting fucking
raped in the mouth,
so fucking open
the container now!
Nobody's raping
your mouth!
Boys, put
your guns down!
Everybody, put your
frigging guns down now!
I'm making a
citizen's arrest!
What the fuck is
wrong with your
brain, Randy, huh?
You're making
a citizen's arrest
for me shoving a pole
right up your fucking ass?
No, for all
the marijuana
Julian's got
in that container
right there.
I have no idea
what the fuck
you guys are
talking about.
Oh, yeah?
Look at this.
I missed garbage
collection.
It's a bunch of
fucking garbage.
Woop-dee-shit!
You fucking prick...
I fucking loved you guys
like fucking brothers
and this is what
you do to me?
You fuck me
this hard?
Ricky, nobody's
fucking you hard
or soft or
any other way.
You know what?
You guys gonna fuck me?
Maybe I'll fuck you.
Dad, Randy?
How would you guys
like to make 50 grand?
I'd do anything
for you, Rick.
50 grand!
What are you
talking about?
Look, I would do
anything for you, man,
but if you're going to
choose Randy and Lahey
over me and him,
you've got to fucking
come through me, buddy.
So be it. You
try to cut me out,
then I'll fucking
cut you out.
Is that right?
I'll fucking
shoot you, Julian.
I'll fucking shoot you!
(Mixed yelling)
Open that fucking
container now!
Open that fucking
container!
There's something
we've got to tell
you, Ricky!
What have you got
to tell me, Bubs?
We should have
told you long ago.
You better
fucking tell me...
(Mixed shouts)
Tell me right now or
I'm shooting him anyway!
Ricky, Listen!
Lahey's not your father!
What the fuck are
you talking about?
Bullshit, Bubbles!
Don't start
with that...
He's not!
That's a bunch of
fucking bullshit, Bubbles!
Ricky's my son!
No, he's not, Mr. Lahey.
I'm sorry. He's not.
We went and had
the blood checked
and it's not possible.
What do you mean, you
had the blood checked?
Look, Ricky.
We found out your
mother's blood type.
How?
We went to
the hospital
and you're Type B
and she's Type A,
and what type are you?
O.
Exactly.
Well, what the fuck
does that mean?
Look, summary
with Type O blood:
can't have a child
with Type B.
It's impossible.
I'm sorry, guys.
This can't be.
(Panicked panting)
Bubbles:
Ricky, come
here. Ricky...
No, fuck off!
Ricky!
(Sighing)
Oh, my God!
Are you okay,
Mr. Lahey?
What?
I've got hand it
to you, Lahey.
Great fucking
performance, buddy.
Julian...
You didn't have me
fucking fooled, though!
Julian.
Get the fuck
off my property.
That wasn't a
frigging performance,
Julian, you big meanie.
Oh, go fuck
yourself, Randy.
My fuck... This is
fucked. Poor Ricky.
Well, at least he knows
now, okay? He'll be all
right. He'll get over it.
Oh, he'll get over it?
Yeah.
Is he going to get over
when we tell him
Ray's not his dad?
We are not telling
him that.
We have to!
No, we're not
telling him!
All right. Let's
get some food, go
get some more booze
and figure out how
the fuck we're going
to finish this. Come on.
Can you stop filming me?
Julian: Ricky!
Bubbles: Rick!
He must be
in his room.
He wouldn't be
in his fucking room.
(Knocking on wall)
Come out.
Hey, Rick.
Look, man, we've got to talk
about this weed, buddy.
Julian.
What?
(In low voice)
Just... chill out.
How're you doing, Ricky?
Who's got your belly?
I'm okay, I guess.
It's just... well...
I was kind of liking having
a dad in my lives again.
I was actually kind of
starting to like the guy.
But the person I feel
the worst for is Mo.
I mean...
Mo fucking loves him.
He does, Ricky,
but you know what?
You've just got to remember
he's only three,
so that's... the
important thing.
What the fuck does that
have to do with anything?
Well, it just means
he's not going to remember
any of it, Ricky. Luckily.
Yes, he is. One of my
fucking first memories
is when I was three.
Rick, what do you
remember about
being three?
The time my dad took me
down to the nice lake
and we had
a good barbecue
and went fishing
and he gave me
my first cigarette
and taught me how to
inhale. I was three.
No, you were six.
You were almost
seven, Ricky.
Don't you remember?
It was my birthday
that afternoon.
That's how I remember.
You ate that big chunk of
hash out of Ray's tackle box.
And you came to the party
running around saying, "I'm
a chicken! I'm a chicken!"
And pooped yourself
and threw up all over
the cake and hot dogs.
Holy fuck!
You're fucking right!
I was fucking six
or maybe seven!
Holy fuck, boys.
This is a good thing.
I mean, I don't think
I do remember anything
when I was three.
Of course
you don't, man.
Nobody does, Ricky.
Well, you know what?
Fuck it, then.
If it's not going
affect Mo, I'm glad
he's not my fucking dad!
I knew Ray was my old man!
I fucking knew it.
We're too much alike.
Boys, this is actually
a really, really
fucking good thing.
No, actually
it isn't.
'Cause now that Lahey
know he's not your dad,
he's gonna be coming
at us even harder now.
Well, that depends
on... you know...
(Brakes screech,
engine idles)
This is our Ireland
wedding money, Mr. Lahey.
Are you sure about this?
I've never been more
sure about anything
in my life, Ran.
Get as much as you can
fit in the cart, bud.
(Theme music)
(Seabirds squawking)
Fish:
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off! Fuck!...
Fuck off! Jesus Christ!
(Whisper)
Fuck.
(Light clicks off)
Fuck off.