Trailer Park Boys (2001–2018): Season 11, Episode 8 - A Liquor Captain Never Abandons a Sinking Shit Ship - full transcript

After all these years of
working with me, haven't you
fucking learned anything?

Now it could all be mouldy

and we could be fucked,
you fucking dumbass.

I'm a dumbass?

I'm not the weed
guy here, okay?

We're in this
fucked-up situation

because of you, not me!

(Chuckling)
Whatever.

Whatever...
I can't believe

you actually thought
Lahey was your father.

Like, what the fuck
is wrong with you, man?



You're fucking stupid.

Like really, for real,
truly fucking stupid.

(Scoffing)

Look, man...

I'm sorry.
You're not stupid.

Lahey was
pretty convincing.

He almost had me
fooled too.

I know you've been through
a lot, but we all have.

But just so that you know,
man, you're my best friend.

I'd do anything
for you, okay?

So can we
please be cool?

Please.
(Sighs)

Just don't call me
the s-word, man.

It's not cool anymore
and it's fucking mean.



All right, man,
I promise. I won't.

Bubbles: (On radio)
Breaker, breaker.

What the fuck?

Got to stop, bud.

Bubs, what the fuck
are you doing?

Where the fuck are those
two stupid idiots going?

Jacob's got the shits

and Cory said, and I quote,

"Right on, dude,
I'll come with you."

Should we just
wait for them or...

No, fuck 'em.
Tell them to meet
us up there.

It's just up this road
here to the right.

Fucking idiots.

Well, head up the
road to the right,

right down to the lake,
when you're done shitting.

Boys, just so you're aware,

Jacob's been shitting
green liquid lately.

Green fucking
liquid. He's an alien,
I'm telling you.

Keep your head
on a swivel around him. Over.

What if he is
a fucking alien?

Like, is it possible
he could turn

my whole family
into fucking
aliens or...?

How many times do I
got to go through
this with you?

Just because you
look like an alien

doesn't mean you're
a fucking alien.

He's not one.

Man!

What the fuck...

What are all these
fucking signs up here?

Free weed?
Free weed?

Right on. Let's go
fucking get some.

No, Ricky, this is
where I fucking live.

Oh, yeah.
Boys, what the fuck
are these signs?

Oh, fuck...

Oh, fuck!

Holy fuck, boys,
is that our weed?
Did you see that?

Yeah, we saw it.

What the fuck are
we going to do?

Like, that's got
to be our weed.

It better
fucking not be.

For fuck's sakes.

Is that Lahey's
fucking camper?

Fuck.

Lahey:
(Cackling)

What the fuck do
these idiot want?

Get out of my
fucking way.

Get going!
(Tires skidding on gravel)

(Feedback)
(Slurring)
Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome
to the stage,

the man you've all been
waiting for, Julian!

The owner of the free weed!

Various:
Free weed!

(Chanting)
Free weed, free weed,
free weed...

All right...
everybody...

Everybody shut
the fuck up!

Jesus Christ.

Hey, that old
guy over there

said that this
thing was full.
Come on, man.

Well, that old
guy's drunk

and he's out
of his goddamn
fucking mind.

Hey, bro, that's
false advertising, man.

False advertising.
What are you going to do,
call the cops on me?

Look, everybody,
there's no weed here, okay?

There's no free
fucking weed.
You gotta leave.

(Sigh)
Fuck.

(Whispering)
Julian, this is fucked.
What are we going to do?

I want you to go up the
road, okay, take down
those fucking signs.

Can you do that for me?
Oh, I'll get the
cocksuckers down.

Excuse me, who do we talk
to about the free weed?

There's no weed.
Fuck off.

Woman:
Wo-ow.
(Chuckling)

What the fuck's
going on here, Lahey?
Oh!

Randy, would you get
that out of my face.

We were just enjoying
a couple of drinkie-poos

down by the old sea-side.

Listen... Randy?

Don't you think you
should tell these people

to get off your
property, Julian?

(Laughing)
This isn't my
property, okay?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Oh, it isn't?
Oh, that's fantastic.

Because Randy and I are
planning to spend a couple
of days down here,

just relaxing and
maybe working out
our wedding plans.

But are there usually
that many people

hanging out around
here, Julian?
I don't know.

I don't have a clue.
I'm never out here.

No?
No.

Don't worry, Mr. Lahey.

If any of these dirty,
filthy, shit-hippies
get out of control,

I've got the police
on speed-dial.

I've got you
on fuck-off dial.

Julian...

there's nothing sexier

than having a powerful
man in your grip

and watching him squirm.

Fuck you.

Hi, Rick.

Don't give up, guys.
Free weed's a-comin'!

The whole fucking
container's full
of that shit.

(Theme music)

(Police siren chirps)

Excuse me, sir.
Keep you hands where
we can see them.

Yes, sir.
Drop the weapon, please.

Oh, that's not
a weapon. That's...

Please just drop it.
...tool from
my truck there.

So what's going on here?

Oh... Oh, you're
probably wondering

about that crazy
sign there, eh?

Yeah, we had
a couple of people
who phoned in about it.

Yeah, no, that's...
What's your name?

My name is.... umm...
Yeah?

My name's Bubbles.

You guys...
you guys know Jim?

Or Jim knows you?

Jim who?

Oh, there's
a lot of Jims.

Maybe you know
one of the Jims.
Listen.

What's your
involvement with this?

Oh, this here?
It's just a big
misunderstanding.

Misunderstanding?

Yes, it's uh...
Why are you so
nervous then?

Well, just you know,
because of what that says

and it's not
supposed to say that.

See, what happened
my friend, he has a...

he has a big pile
of wood actually

and he's been trying
to give it away

and he asked some kids
to make some signs

and obviously,
you know, they're
just fucking with him

or they don't
know how to spell.

All right, so there's
children involved,

is what you're saying?
Well... no,

I don't mean there's
children involved

with that type of thing,
I just mean the...

the local kids who
come and skip rocks
into the thing,

they made these and...

their parents are going
to fucking hear about this,

believe me,
this is uncalled for.

All right,
well, listen.

Do you mind if we go
down to take a look?

Uhhh, no, of course not.

I've got nothing to hide.

Let's... let's just go down.

Sounds good.

Okay, you guys...
Yep.

Follow me.
Uh-huh.

Ohh, boy.

Come on, Julian,
answer your phone.

Julian!
Julian: (on phone)
What's up?

Did you get the
signs taken care of?

Uhh, not exactly.

The police came and
they're now following me

and we're on our way there.

What?
It's okay, though.

I told them the sign
was supposed to say
wood instead of weed.

So just get everybody
holding some wood.

I repeat, make sure
everyone's got wood.

Jesus Christ.
Drive slow, man.

That's nice.
It's kind of like
pineapple diesel

with a little bit
of bubble gum.

Hey, man, what the fuck?
Everybody's got
to get some wood.

The cops are on their way.
You want us to get
hard-ons for the cops?

No, no, pick up some wood,
some firewood. Everybody pick
up some firewood!

Woman:
I'm not doing that.
Put out the joints.

Hold on a second, man.
The cops are on
their fucking way.

Here?
Yes!

Fuck!
Get some wood, everybody
get some wood.

Bubbles, what the
fuck did you do, man?

Lahey:
Oh, the cavalry
are here, Randers.

What the fuck happened?
Just... Ricky, just...

See, officers, just...
just like I said.

Look at all the free wood.

If you guys want some,
pop your trunk there and
I'll load you right up.

Ricky:
Yeah, help yourselves.
I think we're fine.

Good afternoon, officers.
Afternoon.

Are you two the owners
of this here wood?

No. We're just
here on vacation.

We're just
watching the show.

It's my wood, officers.
I just swapped out my
fucking wood stove.

You know, I got
a heat pump, I'm saving
a ton of money every month.

Air conditioning...
So you live here?

Well, kind of.
So you own this
container then, right?

Umm... it was kind
of given to me
but not really.

Bravo, ossifer.
Bravo.

It's not his container,
no, it was his dad's.

We had to put him in a home.
He got dimensions and started
shitting all over the place.

Thought he was
still storming the
jungles at Normanly.

Sir, do you mind
opening up the
container for us?

Love to but we lost the keys,
what... two months ago,
three months ago?

A while ago anyway.
I'll go get the cutters.

Oooh.
Guys, it's not going to
work. It's military grade.

We tried. Cutters
aren't going to do it.

Go ahead. Waste more fucking
taxpayers' money, I guess.

No big fucking deal.

Police officer:
I've got a shipping
container here.

Alpha-Victor-Bravo
one-zero-niner.

Could I get a ownership
title for that?
Woman: (on radio) Copy.

Hi, guys. I just wanted to
formally introduce myself.

My name's Randy.

If you guys need
any assistance,

I'm actually in training
to be a fellow member.

You can't be
training very hard.

Oh, my God.

Not the Randy?

The guys down at the
station were telling me

about the legend
of the gut,

but I never imagined
it would be so massive.

We're going to need
a selfie with that.
Definitely.

Ricky:
Is this seriously fucking
happening right now?

(Phone camera clicks)

I can't believe you
never heard of the fuck-up

that's been trying
to get on the force

with the
disgusting fat gut.

Yeah, that's, uh,
that's pretty bad.

That's not very
nice, guys.

I'm not overweight,
I'm husky.

You look like
you ate a husky.
A pack of huskies.

Woman: (On radio)
One Adam 12.

The container was
sold in auction

to a Reggie Rose.
No other information on file.

Copy that.

I'm sorry. What the
fuck is it you guys
are doing here again?

I forget that part.
Sir, would you watch
your language please?

Watch langu...
What are we,
at fucking church?

All right, listen.

There was a sign
at the end of the road.

It said "Free Weed".

Oh, okay.

And that's what you think
is happening here, is it?

You know what, guys?
You got us.

This container
right here...

it's full of
fucking beautiful,
delicious weed

and we're just
giving it away
to everybody.

Come on over.
Get as much fucking
free weed as you want.

Tell me you guys
aren't that
fucking stupid.

I've never met two stupider
cops in my entire life.

Both of you with
your good looks,

your chiselled features
and toned bodies.

It's not hard to tell that
that's the only reason
you made it on the force.

I'd make a way better
cop than both of you
two shit-weasels.

Fuck, it's bullcock!

All right? And
it's not nice to
call anyone fat.

I don't care
who you are.

(Mixed cheers, applause)

No... That's enough.
All right?

Everybody take
your wood and leave.

And sir, this is
public property.

You might want to move
your dad's container.

Yeah, we'll definitely
get it out of here
for you guys.

Thanks a lot, fellas.
If you don't,

we'll have to come back
and move it for you.

All right. Enjoy your day.
You guys did a great job.

Bubbles:
Free wood.

That's a beautiful
speech, Randy.

Only one fucking problem:

you... you got
rid of them.

I wasn't letting those
two hunks-of-shit hotshots

take the credit for
our investigation, Mr. Lahey.

Frig those shit-weasels.

Oh, Randy...

The game's over.
You guys gotta fucking go.

Why would we
leave now, Julian?

We just w... won
round number one.

Where... I just can't wait
for round number two.

You know what?
This isn't even fucking
worth it anymore.

What?
There's not going
to be a round two.

You win.
I win what?

You win, Jim. I know
when I've been outsmarted

and know when to walk
away, I'm fucking
walking away.

You're walking away?
Congratulations, buddy.

It's fucking bullshit.
Boys, let's go.

What the fuck are you
talking about, man?

We've got to get that shit
out of the garbage bags,

it's gonna go mouldy.
I've got a plan,
get in the fucking car.

Julian, what are you doing?

Trust me.

Get in your truck,
follow me.

Ricky:
See you later, fuckfaces!

Lahey:
Piece of shit. Did you get
the fucking things, Randy?

Holy fuck, Randy.
This is...

Hey, Randy, you forgot
to take this with you.

(Engine ignition, revving)

I hope you know
what the fuck
you're doing, man.

Don't worry about it.

Bubbles: (Whispering)
Julian, what the
fuck are we doing?

Let's just go
back to the park.

Hang on.

What the fuck's
the plan here, man?

This is fucking dumb.

Fuck!
Just fucking wait,
okay? Trust me.

Let's just go knock them
out and crazy-glue them.

Julian:
No, just stay
right there.

Fuck this. I'm going
to crazy-glue their
backs together.

Don't you...
Ricky, get down!

Ricky! I know what
I'm fucking doing.

Bubbles:
Let's go to the park
before the cops come back.

Cory:
'Sup, dudes?
Sshh!

Crank on my tits.
Get the fuck down.

Cory... fuck.
What's up, dude?

Jacob had stage fright
and then we got lost

and you guys were gone
but guess what?

We followed the seagulls.

And the sun.
What'd we miss?

Julian:
All right, that's it. Go inside.

Close that fucking door.

All right, boys.
Follow me.

Bubbles:
Ricky...

What the fuck
are you doing?

I use this shit
to wrap around my
lobster containers.

You wrap it around
a bunch of times and
it's as strong as fuck.

What are we going to do
with it? Wrap them like
a fucking cocoon?

Yeah, something
like that.
Here, grab that.

You going to try
and suffocate them?

I'm not going to
suffocate them.

Cory, get this
fucking thing going.

All right, on my cue,
I want you guys to come over

to the trailer, wrap
this shit around that trailer

as many times as
you possibly can.

Got it?
Cory:
Yeah, dude.

You got it?
Yeah, yeah.

Good job,
boys, good job.

There you go.
Ricky, Ricky...

(Ice clinking in glass)

(Mouthing silently)
Bubbles: Ricky!

(Whispering)
Shhh... around the windows.

Ricky, what the fuck?

Around the windows.

Cory:
Here, dude.

Bubbles, help
hold this one.

Ricky:
Here, hold this, Julian.

These pricks...

Bubbles:
Jesus.

Julian:
Stop fucking around Ricky.

Ricky:
What the fuck is wrong
with this shit, man,

it's not working right,
for fuck's sake!

Bubbles:
Boys, hurry the fuck up.

(Muffled)
What the frig is going on...

Bubbles:
There's Randy.

Julian:
Would you get that
thing untangled?

Bubbles:
Okay, Ricky, we've got to go.

Julian:
Come on, come on. Roll.

Randy:
(Indistinct yelling)

Ricky:
Fuck you Randy. Fuck you!

Julian:
Cory, what the fuck
are you doing?

Jesus, look out!
Get out of the way,
you fucking idiots!

Julian: Jacob...
Ricky: Fuck.

Randy:
What are we going
to fucking do?

Julian:
Fuck, boys.

Fuck you guys are
slow. Hurry up!

Bubbles:
Ricky... boys...

(Indistinct shouting
inside camper)

Here he comes. Duck, duck.

Jesus Christ, Ricky.

It's 11:13am on the 20th.
(Indistinct shouting outside)

Future officer Randy here.

Myself and ex-police
officer Jim Lahey

are being held
against our will.
(Clattering)

Suspects are presumed
to be a one Julian,
Ricky and Bubbles,

all residents of
Sunnyvale Trailer Park.

Look, Randers.

Liquor stash
from the old days.

Right on, boys.
Open the fucking
container, buddy.

Let's go.
Fucking pricks!

Boys, let's go grab
some food, take a
little break maybe?

I'm fucking starving.
Cory:
Yeah, dude...

Julian:
We're not going to
take a fucking break.

Why not?

Somebody broke a piece
of wood off in the
fucking keyhole.

Are you fucking kidding me?
I wonder who did that,
for fuck's sakes.

Hey, Julian, why don't
you take out your tiny cock
and try to pry it out?

(Chuckling)
Why don't you eat
my ass, Ricky?

Fuck.

Piss on it. Piss melts
wood, doesn't it?

Would you shut the fuck up?

Fuck!

Randy:
I've tried the door

and all the windows

but they're all
shrink-wrapped closed.

There doesn't appear
to be an exit point.

I haven't been trained
for this type of situation.

What's the proper
procedure, Mr .Lahey?

In this situation, Randy,
one procedure fits all.

Have a drink, pal.

We've got to get
out of here, sir.

Sshh, what's that?

What are you doing?

Shh...

It knows what to do.

What? Who?

The liquor.

It can think
for itself, Randy.

It's just using our
minds as vesicles.

Hey... a friend...
Randy...

I can communicate
with the liquor, bud.

It finally let me in.

You're scaring me, sir.

Shh...

Oh, that's brilliant.

It wants you to drink too,

so it can
communicate with you.

It's got something it
wants to tell you, bud.

Please don't do
this, Mr. Lahey.

Randy, you've got
the opportunity to
talk to the liquor.

Take the fucking bottle.

We've been given a
wonderful gift, Randy.

Wonderful gift.

Because the liquor
has chosen us, Randy.

Me and you, bud.

Fuck, it's like trying
to break into Alky-traz,
for fuck's sakes.

Julian:
That's good, Bubs.

That's not going
to do shit-all, man.

Okay, boys. Step aside.

Time to let the big dog
work his magic.

Yeah, right on, Bubs.
Winch-wench it.

Yeah, Ricky.
Clip that on there.

Give it to her, buddy.

Bubbles: I don't want to
fuck up your door,
though, Julian.

Just rip it right
the fuck off, man.
I'll buy a new one.

Okay, well,
stand back, boys.
(Winch whirring)

This thing's going to come off
like she's packed with C-4.

Here we go.

(Whirring)

Jacob:
I don't think it's working.

Cory:
Yeah, that shit's tight.

All right.
You know what?
Fuck this.

No, Ricky. No, no,
wait, wait!

I'm not fucking beat yet.

Here, I'll get
the cocksucker off.

Are you sure this
little piece of shit
has enough power?

This little piece
of shit? You think
this little piece...

You want to see some
fucking power, bud?

You want to see
some power?
Stand fucking back!

I'll show you
fucking power, baby.
Stand back, everyone.

Give her hell, Bubs.

I'll show you some
fucking power. Right now.

Here we go.
(Banging on door)

(Grunting)

(Engine revving)

(Screaming)
Cocksucker!

Oh, Bubs,
you've fucked her.

Oh, for fuck's sakes!

That shouldn't
have happened!

I had her
fucking on there.

All right,
look the fuck out.

Ricky it's..
I'll get the fucking
thing off, right now.

...it's bullet-proof, man.

Fuck it is.
Nothing's bulletproof.

Everybody get
out of the way.

(Gunshots)
Bubbles: Ricky!

For fuck's sakes, Randy.

They're trying
to kill us, bud!

Jesus.

Randy:
What are you doing?

Oh, yeah.

I forgot.

Randy:
What are you doing, Mr. Lahey?

I'm not doing anything, Randy.

The liquor is.

Randy:
You're not making sense.

If they're going
to shoot at the liquor,

the liquor's going
to return fire, Randy.

Randy: The liquor can't
fire, Mr. Lahey.
(Grunt)

I had this fucking thing in

with 12-gauge
fucking screw holes.

It shouldn't have come out.
(Grunting)
Fuck!

You fucking blocky-block
metal fuckface!

You're fucking
everything up!

Hey, dudes, I'm not
100% sure about this

but I think
I've got an idea.

A what?
An idea. Check it.

Oh, brilliance, Cory.
You're going to open
a military-grain lock

with a fucking
toothpicker, are you?

No, no, dude. I'm
making a wood-magnet

so I can pull
the other wood out.

A wood-magnet?
Hold on.
Check it, check it.

What the fuck are
you talking about,
a wood-magnet?

(Lock clicking)
Fuck.
Right on, dude!

Right on, Cory.
Right on.

I'm using the
liquor force, bud.

(Click)

You know what?
That might be

the fucking
smartest dumb thing
you've ever done.

Yeah, dude... Ahh!
(Gunshot)

(Screaming, gunshots)
Bubbles:
Holy fuck!

Cory:
Oh, God! My hand is shot!

Ricky:
You all right, Cory?

Future officer Randy here.

Julian is officially
trying to kill us.

So if anyone
finds this camera,

please tell the police
to arrest Julian,
Ricky and Bubbles

of Sunnyvale
for murder.

Cory:
Goddamn, dude, my hand!
(Gunshots)

It's gone! Oh, God!
Tell my mom I love her.
Shit, dude!

Bubbles:
Cory, show me
your fucking hand.

It's barely even nicked!

It's hardly fucking
even bleeding!

Cory, Jacob, I want
you guys to zig-zag up
to fucking Lahey's trailer,

spin it around.
Huh?

Spin it around?

Yes, spin it around. It'll
confuse him. He won't know
where to shoot.

It's like pin the tail on
on the donkey. They
already got the blindfold on.

Okay, okay!
Ricky:
Let's go, boys!

Cover him!
(Gunshot)

(Cackling)

(Continued gunshots)
(Laughing)

Ricky:
Go, go, go, go!

Come on!

Bubbles:
Julian...

Will you get the fuck
out of the way?

(Continued gunshots)

...get the fuck
out of the way!

Here, Ricky, keep...
Look out, Ricky!

Cory:
Ah shit, it got
away from us, dude.

Bubbles:
Holy fuck!

Randy & Lahey:
(Indistinct screaming)

Jesus Murphy!

Holy fuck, we've
got to call 9-1-1!

We're not
calling anybody

until that goddamn
weed's out of here.

Let's go! Come on!

Fuck them!
They tried to
fucking shoot us.

Holy fuck!
Get my ratchet straps!

We're on a booze
cruise, Randers.

I always wanted to go
on a booze cruise, bud.

Julian:
Bubs.
What?

We're all packed up.
Let's go.

Julian, we can't just
fucking leave them here.

That's the fucking
high-tide line right there.

When the water comes in,
they're going to be fucked.

Julian:
You've got them tied up.
They'll be fine.

Well, it's not exactly
safe, for fuck's sakes.

We're leaving.
We've got to go, man.
Come on.

Well, I'll be
coming back for them.

Bubbles:
(Panicked whimper)

(Microwave oven beeps)

What a fucking tangled
heap of electrical
cocksuckers.

Boys, you can't
fucking do this.

Do you know how
many levels this
is wrong on, Ricky?

Bubs, it's level enough.
All the crystal's
coming through.

It's working
fucking perfect.

Ricky, I'm not talking
about the angle

of your fucking
home-made THC sifter.

Well, there's no
turning back now.

We've got to go
for broke here, okay?

Just keep
reminding yourself

why the fuck
we're doing this.

Okay. Well, I would
just like to state
for the record,

this is hands-down
the most fucked-up thing
you guys have ever done.

No, it's not.
(Mixed chatter of kids)

How's it going, kids?
You guys are doing perfect.

Oh, yeah. Look at
all that crystal.
Good job, guys.

Oh, Lord Jesus
and Baby Marion.

All right, switch it
up down there.

Let's work on our slapshots
for a bit, guys.

Kids:
♪ ...crystal off
the fucking weed ♪

(Cellphone ringing)
♪ Weed, weed, weed... ♪

Fuck, it's fucking Snoop.

Snoop?
How do I answer
this again?

Just... There.
Press that button.

This one?
No, that one
right there.

Hey, Snoop, how's it
going, brother?
Hey, man, how are ya?

Not good, muthafuckas.
Deal's off.

What? You've got to be
fucking kidding me.

What the fuck
are you talking about?

Look, man. Shit just
fell through. Wasn't
nothing I could do.

Do you know what the fuck
we just went through

to meet your
fucking choda?

I gave up everything for
this fucking deal, man.

No, I'm just fucking
with y'all, cuz.

Fuck. You bastard.
I'm just calling

to make sure everything
is still on track.

We had a couple of
setbacks but yeah, man,
we're all good now.

What kind of setbacks?
Lahey fucking with you?

Well, he was but
he's probably dead.

I think we just
fucking killed him.

For real?
Yeah.

Y'all killed that mothafucka?
No, no, Snoop, no, no.

Ricky's just fucking
with you the way
that, you know,

you were fucking
with him.

Lahey's just, uh...
they're going camping,
him and Randy.

Yeah, everything's set
on our end, man.

Everything's bottled
and ready to go.

Dig this:

tomorrow my homeboy,
Sammy Ogea,

he gonna get with y'all.

Then we can make
motherfuckin' history.

Fucking awesome.

Right on.
Cheers, man.

Peace.
(Happy grunts)

Boys, we've got to
start bottling this
shit immediately.

It looks like we're
pulling an all-nighter.

No, we need to go down
and let Lahey and Randy

out of that fucking
death-trap.

Bubs, they'll be fine.

They're tied up
nice and good, okay?

We'll let them out as soon
as this deal's done.

Let's get back to work.

Ricky: Jacob, get some
more fucking weed
on the trampoline.

Look who's squirming
now, Lahey.

Julian's attempt to drown us
like a couple of rats

has so far been unsuccessful.

The camper appears
to be watertight.

We still can't get
a cellphone reception

but I'm going to continue
to try and contact the police.

Randy, the ol' shitliner
seems pretty fucking
seaworthy, eh, bud?

(Harmonica playing)

(Gunshot)
Holy fuck!

Randy:
Oh, my God.
Forget what I said.

We're officially
sinking.

We've got to get
out of here, Mr. Lahey!

We're going to die.

A liquor captain never abandons
a sinking shit-ship, Randy.

Randy:
But Mr. Lahey, you're not
a frigging liquor captain,

you're a trailer
park supervisor
and this is a camper.

It's not even a ship,
for frig's sakes.

We gotta get out of here!

(Water splashing)

Arrrr!

(Theme music)

(Seabirds squawking)

Fish:
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off! Fuck!...

Fuck off! Jesus Christ!

(Whisper)
Fuck.

(Light clicks off)
Fuck off.