Totally Spies! (2001–2014): Season 1, Episode 17 - Spies vs. Spies - full transcript

♪ Here we go, we're getting
on the road till we stop ♪

♪ And then we'll shop ♪

♪ So one, two, three now, baby
Here we go, go, go ♪

♪ Here we go, here we go ♪

♪ On a mission undercover
and we're in control ♪

♪ Here we go, here we go ♪

♪ We're Totally Spies
so get on with the show ♪

♪ Here we go, here we go ♪

♪ Here we go ♪

Yeah, everything looks good
on the east wing. Over and out.

Hey! Who's there?



- Huh?
- (device beeps)

Code red! Code red!

(screams)

(school bell rings)

ALEX: Is it me or is today, like,
the most perfect day ever?

The sun's shining, cute boys
are abundant. I give it a ten.

- No way! Oh, I so can't believe it!
- Can't believe what?

- That's Robby Guthrie!
- ALEX: Who?

Robby Guthrie,
as in my grade school nemesis.

Girls, our perfect day
has just been ruined by a dark cloud.

- I think he's kind of cute.
- Cute? Alex, the guy is a total loser.

CLOVER: He tormented me for years!

He was always pulling my pigtails and
putting "Kick me" signs on my back

and shoving worms in my lunchbox.



Well, get over it already. Grade school
was, like, a really long time ago.

- Yeah, Clover. People change.
- Oh, puh-lease!

I am sure he's the same old jerk
I knew in third grade.

I'm going over there right now
to give him a piece of my mind!

This should be good.

CLOVER: Robby Guthrie?

- Clover? Clover?! Is it really you?
- The one and only.

And PS, you can stop drooling any time.

Sorry, it's just... you look a lot cuter
than you did in grade school.

- Whatever.
- I'm serious.

Let me take you out this weekend.
We can catch a movie, get reacquainted.

- CLOVER: I don't know.
- Come on.

It's the least I could do for being
such a jerk when we were kids.

I don't know...

- OK. Let's do it.
- Great. I'll call you.

(Robby laughs)

- So, what happened?
- I'm going on a date with Robby.

- OK, that was unexpected.
- Way to let go of the past, Clover.

(scoffs) Yeah! Are you kidding?

I'm only going out with that creep
so I can get back at him.

I'm gonna give Robby
a taste of his own medicine.

Now, how shall I do it?

(all scream)

This better be important, cos I've got
some serious revenge plotting to do!

Oh, it's important, alright.
Someone's destroying energy plants.

Wow, creepy.

Indeed. We've lost the Hoover Dam and
several electrical and nuclear plants.

The creepy thing I was talking about
was the fact you were eavesdropping.

People will soon be
without heat and electricity.

It's sure to be chaos in the streets.

- And I just happened to overhear.
- Who do you think's behind this, Jer?

We don't have any leads yet, but we'd
better come up with something quick.

The effects are quite disturbing.

The next suspected target
is the South American Pipeline.

- That's where your mission will begin.
- What are we waiting for? Load us up.

Of course. You'll be utilizing
the WOOHP turbo-submarine,

the expandable-cable bungee belt,
now in a faux-snakeskin,

infrared motion-detector sunglasses
and a tube of high-gloss lipstalk.

- You mean lipstick?
- No. I mean lipstalk.

A lipstick with a built-in
tracking device.

- Excellent!
- Now, prepare for departure.

(all scream)

According to the radar,
the pipeline should be close by.

I think we just found it.

Or we've just collided with
the world's largest sea-snake.

- CLOVER: Looks pretty boring to me.
- Still, we better get a closer look.

Keep your eyes open for
anything out of the ordinary.

Ew! Does that qualify?

CLOVER: Gross! What is that thing?

- Looks like some kind of spider.
- Then I say we catch it.

(all groan)

SAM: It's not a spider, it's a bomb!

Somebody's trying to
blow up the pipeline!

Looks like they're about to succeed.

- Not if I can help it.
- Wait!

You could pollute
the entire Pacific Ocean with oil.

Hadn't thought of that.

If we can't squash him,
we better relocate the little creep.

Oops. Didn't know my own strength.

Looks like she's gonna blow, girls!
Brace yourselves!

OK. That was unexpected.

- Wow! That was totally amazing!
- Yeah. We can't thank you enough.

By the way, who are you guys?

I'm Pam, this is Alice and Crimson.
We're spies from WOOHP,

the World Organization
of Human Protection.

I can't believe it's you.
This is too good to be true.

So, let me get this straight.
You used to have our jobs?

Until we were captured by the villain
on our last mission.

- Edison.
- He held us prisoner for seven years.

Judging by those outfits,
I'd have guessed it was even longer.

- (they laugh)
- We looked everywhere for you girls.

And when we didn't hear from you,
we assumed you were...

..well, you know.

Well, we're back now, Jerry.
It's going to be just like old times.

I was hoping you'd say that.

Whatever happened to Edison?

We were able to escape,
but we weren't able to capture him.

Unfortunately, he could be anywhere.

And... how did you end up
at the pipeline, exactly?

(alarm sounds)

Spies, we've got another emergency.
This time it's a hydroelectric plant!

We're all over it, Jer!

This would be a terrific opportunity
to re-assimilate Pam and her crew.

- You can go on the mission together.
- OK.

- Sure.
- Whatever.

PAM: We'll check out the hydro-infuser
sector, you girls take the lower level.

They sure seem to know
their way around here.

(alarm)

(phone rings)

- Hello?
- Hey, Clover.

I was thinking maybe we'd catch
that new monster movie on Saturday.

What's all that noise?

Oh. I'm at salon, under the hairdryer.
A monster movie sounds great.

I'll meet you at the mall around 8-ish.
Later.

- I'm picking up something.
- So am I, Saturday night.

CLOVER: Sorry.

I hate spiders. Why can't it be a
lady bug or a butterfly bomb instead?

CRIMSON: Wow! Isn't this place so cool?

(gasps) No! I lost the bomb!

Oops. Sorry.

There it is!

(they scream)

JERRY: The outlook isn't good.
We haven't found any trace of the girls.

If there's anything we've learned, this
job has a way of weeding out the weak.

That just leaves our unit.

JERRY: I know you girls did
all you could to save them.

Now you're my number one team again.

I don't know about you guys, but I feel
like I just went through the spin cycle.

- I can't believe we're still alive.
- No thanks to the old spies.

- But it was just an accident.
- Or made to look like an accident.

Let's get back to WOOHP.

(Jerry clears throat)

"It was my pleasure to have known
Sam, Clover and Alex..."

No, that's not right.
"I was fortunate enough to have..."

CLOVER: Don't people write eulogies
after someone bites the big one?

- Girls, you're alive!
- And ready to get back on this case.

Actually, I have wonderful news.
You're retired.

My original spies have taken your place.

I don't want to be retired! I never even
got a chance to have a mid-life crisis!

It's a done deal. You'll get a chance
to enjoy your lives like regular teens.

The world is in the capable hands
of Pam, Alice and Crimson.

There's something fishy
about those girls.

- Whatever are you talking about?
- Think about it.

Why did they just reappear
at the pipeline?

And why did they know their way
around the plant?

I think I understand
what's happening here.

- You do?
- Yes.

Obviously you girls are jealous
of my original spies. Who can blame you?

But I trust those girls unconditionally.

Might I suggest an "acclimating
back to civilian life" seminar?

- Us, jealous? As if!
- Those girls are dirty.

I wouldn't be surprised if they
were planting bombs as we speak.

They're in eastern Europe, aiding
civilians to rebuild power plants.

They left a couple of hours ago.

They never pass up
a humanitarian mission.

On second thought, I think
we would like to take that seminar, Jer.

- Mind if we hop a WOOHP jet?
- Not a problem.

CLOVER: Tell me again
why we're going to some lame seminar

while those spy wannabes
are stealing our jobs?!

Yeah! I was wondering the same thing.

Get real.
We're not going to any seminar.

I have a hunch those spies aren't
on a humanitarian mission.

SAM: I hope Jerry's gadgets
included lipstalk. Bingo!

- Good thinking.
- Our girls are on Crater Island.

Isn't that where they said
they were held captive?

Yeah. Odd, considering
the island has been barren

- since a volcano erupted ten years ago.
- Let's check it out.

Rebuilding power plants my foot.
Look at this place. It's barren.

Totally! This island is just
a big, useless piece of rock.

(all scream)

So maybe this island
isn't so bad after all.

The kind of place I wouldn't mind
being held prisoner for...

Seven years or so? Someone's coming!

Oh, you gotta love this 24-7 sunshine.

Oh, yeah! Nothing like a little R n' R
after wiping out a few power plants.

EDISON: Enjoy yourselves, girls.
Thanks to your hard work,

we'll soon be the sole proprietors
of the world's energy supply.

And not even those loser
junior spies could stop us.

If you ask me,
WOOHP's talent pool is really slipping.

- CLOVER: Why those...!
- Easy, Clover.

- (they gasp)
- We've got company.

ALEX: Let's get outta here!

Who says you can't teach
an old spy new tricks?

ALEX: I can't believe you have the
nerve to call yourselves WOOHP spies.

Really. Where's your pride?

(laughs)
It's not quite so simple, ladies.

You see, when I first met the spies
many years ago,

they were wasting their time
fighting for the cause of good.

I then liberated them with my behavior
modifying electronic spinal splints.

Now they are helping me
pursue much worthier causes.

Ew. And I thought
belly button piercings looked painful.

Why do I suspect
your goals aren't all that worthy?

You be the judge.

EDISON: Half the world's
power plants are now inoperable.

Soon they'll all be reduced to rubble.

Destruction for the sake of it?
It doesn't make sense.

To the contrary...
It makes dollars and cents

when I extort the nations of the world
for the use of solar power.

Ouch. I thought Jerry's puns were bad.

Duh, the sun is free, Einstein.

Uh, correction. The sun was free.

And it's Edison.

With my orbital override machine,

I can control the Earth's rotation
and sell sunlight by the hour

to the highest bidder. (laughs)

Time to go to my ocean platform
and start the auction.

So long, girls. And no hard feelings.

CRIMSON: Yeah, don't hate us
because we're the better spies.

CLOVER: We've got plenty
of other reasons to hate you.

This should be easy to get out of.

Usually the bad guys leave us
in a hopeless predicament.

(all scream)

If I could just reach my compowder.

Hello, ladies. Lovely to hear from you.

Jerry, you gotta help us!

Wait, you're not the real spies.

This line is only to be used
by legitimate WOOHP agents.

Rude much?!

(they scream)

- SAM: Thanks, Clover.
- How'd you do that?

Icy-fresh liquid nitrogen breath spray.

Good thing I always carry
a back-up gadget.

Ha!

SAM: Come on, let's go save the world.

EDISON: I think that's
quite enough sunlight for Russia.

They paid for two hours
and it's only been an hour.

Prices have just gone up. Besides,
I wouldn't mind a little sun for myself.

- Hey, what is that?
- I'm not sure. (screams)

Hope you don't mind if we drop in,

but it seems this is the only place
to get a good tan.

(groans) It's you brats again. Looking
for someone to change your diapers?

Eliminate those girls once and for all!

This orbit machine
is throwing off my schedule.

Check out this nifty gadget
Jerry gave me.

"Nifty?" You were on that island
a long time, weren't you?

- (yelps)
- (Clover gasps)

(screams)

You kids have it so easy
with all those great gadgets.

In my day, we had to make do
with our brains and our brawn.

When was that? The Stone Age?

You girls ready to give up?

Not before we re-introduce you
to an old friend.

(they gasp)

Quick, get that creature off of
my machine before it explodes!

(they yell)

(yells)

Let us out of here!

No problem.
We'll let you out in just a sec.

What happened? Why are we on an oil rig
in the middle of the ocean?

I feel, like... so gnarly.

SAM: Trust us,
you're doing a lot better now

than you have been for
the past seven years.

Hey! Edison's getting away!

- Not so fast.
- (yells)

Can I convince you girls
to stay with WOOHP?

Sorry, Jerry. We've had enough
WOOHP adventures for one lifetime.

Besides, we decided we wanted to
help rebuild the world's energy plants.

We feel a little responsible.

Hurry up and fix the plant
in Beverly Hills by Saturday night.

I have a totally hot date.

Thanks for helping us out
and for all the cool fashion tips.

Hope you're not angry about
the nasty things we said about you.

- We weren't really ourselves.
- We understand.

Yeah, we forgive you.
Now, Jerry on the other hand...

So, you're serious? You're giving Robby
the benefit of the doubt?

That's right.
I'm giving up my plans for revenge.

One thing I've learned this week
is that people can change.

I'm so proud of you, Clover.

- Clover, you made it.
- Hey, Robby.

- I'll catch you girls later.
- Have a seat.

- Don't mind if I do.
- (fart noise)

- (gasping)
- (Robby laughs)

(gasps) That's disgusting!

(laughs) I can't believe it!

I can still get the best of you
after all these years!

We'll just see about that.

(laughter)