Totally Spies! (2001–2014): Season 1, Episode 16 - Black Widows - full transcript

♪ Here we go, we're getting
on the road till we stop ♪

♪ And then we'll shop ♪

♪ So one, two, three now, baby,
here we go, go, go ♪

♪ Here we go, here we go ♪

♪ On a mission undercover
and we're in control ♪

♪ Here we go, here we go ♪

♪ We're Totally Spies
so get on with the show ♪

♪ Here we go, here we go ♪

♪ Here we go ♪

GIRLS:
Honey Bees, Honey Bees, that's our name!

Winning is our goal
and cheering is our game!



We're cute and sweet like sugar
and we're bees that never sting!

So come and clap your hands
and do the honey bee thing!

- Go, Honey Bees!
- (cheering)

(panicked screaming)

ALEX: Why do you want us
to come in with you again?

Cos you're my best friends
and we do everything together.

Even best friends have limits, Sam.

Clover's right. Why don't you
go sign up for the Spelling Bee

while we wait here. You know,
where it isn't so geek-ified.

- (sighs) Fine. I'll go in by myself.
- Cheer up, Sam.

When you're done, we'll take you out
for some celebratory spring rolls!

Isn't it a little early for celebrating,
Clover?

I mean, the actual competition
isn't for a few days.

Trust me, Alex. No one's gonna beat Sam.
She's a total shoo-in for victory.



MANDY: Oh, I wouldn't be so sure
about that. Now outta my way.

I've got a Spelling Bee to sign up for.

You're joking, right? I mean,
since when are you into spelling?

I am not into spelling, Sam.
I am into winning.

More importantly, I'm into beating you

and showing everyone that not only
am I the prettiest, best-dressed girl

at Bev High, I'm also the smartest.

In fact, my daddy's hired a world famous
linguist, a professional hypnotist,

and a top yoga guru
to make sure that I get what I want.

So, good luck, Sam.
You're gonna need it.

If she thinks I'm gonna let her win
my Spelling Bee,

then that hair-dye has definitely
seeped into her brain.

Well, what are you gonna do, Sam?

Mandy's got those two brainiacs
and that... that yogurt guy.

I'm gonna beat her the old-fashioned
way. By studying really hard.

- In that case, we're gonna help you!
- We are?

Sure. I mean, even though
we totally detest the library,

there's no way we're gonna let
Mandy beat our Sammy. C'mon!

- So, where do we start?
- Right here. With the dictionaries.

(they scream)

Huh?

I knew going into the library
was a bad idea!

Afternoon, ladies.
So good of you to "pop" in.

(they sigh)

Jerry, as your friend, I gotta tell ya,
your jokes are getting seriously old.

(clears throat) Very well, then.
Let's get down to business.

It's come to our attention
that the Honey Bees,

the California championship high school
cheerleading squad, are MMCC.

- MMCC?
- Missing Mid Cheering Competition.

They were scheduled to arrive
this morning in Miami

but they never materialized.

OK, I'm afraid to ask this
but where do we fit in?

JERRY: You girls are to go undercover

and find out if anyone knows
what happened to them.

As of now, you're the new California
State Champions, the WOOHPettes.

Please tell me this is another one
of your bad jokes.

No such luck, Sam.

You mean we get to be cheerleaders!?

- That's correct.
- No way! This mission rocks!

And now for the gadgets.

This week we have three pairs of
spring-loaded sneakers;

the Mini Locket Rocket;
a tube of Lip-STICK;

a metal cutting laser ring and,
my personal favorite,

- Instant-Hair-Helmet-In-A-Can.
- ALL: Wow.

Awesome lid, Jer.
You know, for a bald dude.

Hmm. Thank you, Clover. Now,
goodbye and good luck on your trip.

(chuckles) You get it? "Trip?"
Who says my jokes aren't funny?

SAM: I can't believe
Jerry's making us do this.

What could possibly be more humiliating?

I'm sorry I asked.

Ooh, I love it! Ooh!

- Please tell me you're not serious.
- Of course I'm serious, Sammy.

I love cheerleading!

Is it just the lame outfits or do you
like the brainless flitting around too?

Oh! OK! For your information, Sam,

cheerleading is a highly competitive,
highly challenging sport

with a long-standing tradition
of spirited optimism.

And a long-standing tradition
of big hair.

Enough bickering, girls. We've got
Honey Bees to find, remember?

BOTH: Right!

ALEX: So... where do we start?

We find out if any of these girly girls
have a grudge against the Honey Bees.

Did you say "Honey Bees?"

Uh, yeah.
Shame what happened to them, isn't it?

Pfft. You kidding?
Those witches won ten years in a row!

'Bout time someone else had a chance.

- Totally. I'm, like, glad they're MIA.
- Yeah. Good riddance.

Guess this means everyone's a suspect.

WOMAN:
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen...

...and welcome to the National
High School Cheerleading Competition.

The first team up is the squad
from Beverly Hills, California,

- the WOOHPettes!
- (cheering)

I didn't know we were actually
competing!

(crowd cheers)

Guess it's a good thing Jerry gave us
these spring-loaded sneakers!

Hey, what do ya know?
We're actually pretty good!

Maybe this will lead to me becoming
a professional pom-pom girl!

Not unless you can come up with
some catchy ditty

to go along with
this little presentation.

We WOOHP to the left!
We WOOHP to the right!

The Beverly Hills girls
are WOOHP outta sight!

(groans)

Giant hair and perfect teeth!
We hail from the land of beef!

Go... Texas!

Wisconsin is the state we're from.
We like cheese but we're not dumb!

A-L-A-S-K-A!
Alaska is our state! Hooray!

Hey, Sammy, maybe the Alaska girls
can help you study for the Spelling Bee!

Oh, please.
I'm not that desperate, Alex.

Ladies and gentlemen,
that concludes today's competition.

(cheering)

- And now for the judges' decision...
- WOMAN: Not yet.

The Black Widows must still compete.

ANNOUNCER: That's funny, I don't
see any "Black Widows" on the roster.

What was that you said about
cheerleaders being "girly girls," Sammy?

(music plays)

(crowd cheers)

(cheering)

- Whoa. They're, like, super-human.
- Not to mention super-scary.

Is it me or was there something
very familiar about that routine?

ANNOUNCER:
The decision is unanimous!

The Black Widows are the winners,
the new national champs!

They'll compete at the World
Cheerleading Competition in Tahiti!

(cheering)

Whatever.

Our second place winners
are the team from Texas

and third place goes to the WOOHPettes!

Hey, that's us!
We're the WOOHPettes, Clover!

We're the third place winners! Wonder if
we get some kind of trophy or something.

No time for trophies.
I must get ready for my close up.

Better hurry
cos here come the news crews.

Hi, I'm Clover!
Captain of the WOOHP...

(reporters ask questions)

- MAN: Who are you?
- Rude much?

- What's your story?
- Where are you from?

(electricity crackles)

Are you OK!?

(robotically)
I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Whoa. It's like... it's like she
short-circuited or something!

WOMAN: No more interviews.

My team is very tired and needs to get
back to training camp immediately.

We must prepare for
the World Competition.

(blows whistle)

Who's the killjoy?

The name on her uniform said
Coach Sweet.

- How ironic.
- Let's call Jerry and check her out.

Hello, girls. Just saw you on telly!
Thought you did a bang-up job.

Not as good as the Black Widows.
Their routine was positively explosive.

Rub it in, why don't ya?

What can you tell us about
the Widows' coach?

- Her name's Sweet.
- Hmm. That's odd.

- Nothing comes up.
- Well, keep searching.

Girls, we better find the Widows
before they leave for camp.

ALEX: I have a feeling
we just found them!

(panicked screaming)

Guess we're gonna have to do this
the WOOHPette way. Hold on, girls.

- SAM: Let's try that window on the end!
- Good idea.

More of this heat and my skin
will look like an old shoe.

Hey, check it out!

Now that's what I call
an explosive performance.

Wonder where she got this.

(clattering metal)

Sounds like it's coming from the roof!
C'mon!

Uh, girls, I think all that smoke
must have gotten to my brain

cos I'm seeing a giant,
spider-shaped helicopter.

I see it too. And, unfortunately,

I think we need to get on board
before it takes off.

CLOVER:
Not before we get all gussied up.

ALEX: Now what?

We stay put and hope that no one
sees us. And pray that we don't fall.

ALEX: Hey,
this stuff works like a charm.

Remind me to use it next time
I wanna lip-lock with a boy!

SAM: Time we landed.
I was beginning to feel like a monkey!

Now that you mention it,
your arms do look a little longer.

Uh, when you're done chatting
you might wanna take a look.

ALEX: That's the Black Widows'
training camp?

- Not very upbeat or peppy, is it?
- (they gasp)

CLOVER: Quick! Hide!

C'mon, Alex, quit goofing around!

I'm not goofing! I'm stuck!

Phew. A second longer and
I woulda been spider chow, wouldn't I?

This thing is seriously handy. Think
I'll get my dad one for Father's Day.

Man, talk about a small practice space.
How do they get anything done in here?

Uh, Alex, this is a closet.

Oh, right... I knew that.

Time for a little undercover action.

ALEX: Do you see any big, scary,
muscle-bound cheerleaders, Sammy?

Negative. Looks like the coast is clear.

OK, this is definitely the strangest
cheerleading camp in the world.

(gasps)
And it just got a whole lot stranger!

- BOTH: Whoa...
- (explosions)

I really hope that's
the sound of fireworks.

- It's coming from in there!
- (explosions)

- Don't look at me! I snuck us in here.
- Hey, I found the disguises.

Huh? Fine. I'll do it.

Just watch my back.
And my front. And all the rest of me.

I know cheerleading's
a competitive sport,

but this type of training
seems a bit extreme.

- (compowder alert)
- (gasps)

- Nice going, Jer!
- What? Did I catch you at a bad time?

Actually, it wasn't that bad
until you called.

Don't mind her, she's just a bit tense.
So, quickly, what have you got?

Turns out Candy's real name
is Margaret Nussbaum.

She's an ex robotics engineer
for the US Military Combat Department.

Explains a lot about the little
"operation" we saw in the other room.

I couldn't find her in the database
because she changed her name

to Candy Sweet last week after opening
her cheerleading camp in Nevada.

One more thing: she went to the same
High School as the missing Honey Bees,

only she graduated ten years earlier.

Jer, roll that tape of
the State Competition again.

I knew I recognized the Black Widows'
routine from somewhere.

It's the exact same as the Honey Bees'!
You know, only robotically enhanced.

CANDY: You're smart for a cheerleader.

(gasps)

SAM: Let go of us!

CANDY: Oh, I don't think so.
I simply can't risk you "WOOHPettes"

going out into the world
and blabbing about my master plan.

- Master plan?
- And here I thought you were smart.

Oh, well, guess I'll just have
to spell it out for you.

You see, when I take my Black Widows
to the World Competition,

they're going to put on a show
no one will ever forget.

- Your point?
- They're going to take out

everyone in that entire stadium.

All those who love the vapid world
of cheerleading, that is.

Why so bitter, Candy?

Like, what did the vapid world of
cheerleading ever do to you?

I tried out for the Honey Bees ten years
ago but didn't make the squad.

Apparently I wasn't sweet enough.

What is that thing?

CANDY: Oh, just a little machine
I invented

to download the Honey Bees' moves and
put them into the brains of my robots.

Now I'm going to use it on you girls.
(blows whistle)

But we aren't even real cheerleaders!
We don't know any moves!

CANDY: Then I guess my machine
will just turn your brains to mush.

To the spider-copter.

SAM: Great. With my brain turning to
mush, I'll never win the Spelling Bee!

And I'll never get to become
a professional cheerleader!

Actually, having no brain
might increase your chances.

Uh, girls, this really isn't the time
for one of your squabbles.

In case you haven't noticed,
we're in serious trouble here!

You're right. We better use our brains

to figure out how to get out of here
before it's too late!

- Awesome!
- OK, girls, here's the plan.

I'll call Jerry and tell him
we need to get to Tahiti ASAP.

Clover, you free the Bees
and restore their memories.

And Alex, you figure out how to put an
end to this very, very bad-hair day.

ANNOUNCER: Hello and welcome
to the World Cheerleading Competition!

Please give a warm welcome
to our first competitors.

From the United States,
it's the Black Widows!

(cheering)

ALL: We're the Black Widows
and we're here to say

today is not your lucky day!

Your cheering is so lame and vapid!

Our attack will be quite harsh
and rapid! Widows attack!

(cheering)

(panicked chatter)

- How interesting.
- Very unorthodox... and very original.

SAM: Hey! Why don't you pick on
someone your own size?

- (blows whistle)
- Great. We're surrounded.

Oh, well, least we get to go down
in a blaze of glory

with the whole world watching.

- And listening.
- Come again?

I've got a plan. Think you girls
can bust me out of here

and keep the Widows busy for a while?
Trust me, this'll work like a charm.

Make sure you don't stick around
for the grand finale.

OK. That didn't work.

Hey, where do you Neanderthals
think you're going?

- I'm thinking it's grand finale time!
- (Black Widows scream)

Let's not stick around to find out!

(cheering)

Thanks, girls!
You, like, totally saved us!

And you totally saved cheerleading!

CANDY: Not if I have a say about it.

JERRY: Uh, I'd watch were I pointed
that thing if I were you... Margaret.

ALEX: I'm so glad the Widows exploded

and the Honey Bees won
the World Competition!

Yeah. Least they're slightly less scary.

CLOVER: Speaking of bees, haven't you
got a Spelling Bee to get to, Sammy?

SAM: Forget it. There's no way I can
win. I never got a chance to study.

Hello! we've been over this. You're,
like, the smartest girl at Bev High.

And besides you can't just let
Mandy beat you! She's a cheater!

Not to mention our evil nemesis!

MANDY:
As if she has a choice in the matter.

I'm gonna beat the capri pants off her.

Wait! I can't go in there!
There's too many people!

No! It's too scary! You can't make me!

Looks like Mandy caught herself
a little case of stage fright.

Guess none of her fancy training worked.

On second thought,
I think I will compete.

Good luck, Mandy.
Looks like you're gonna need it.

BOTH: Yeah!