Top Gear (2002–…): Season 32, Episode 4 - Episode #32.4 - full transcript

Hello. Welcome to Top Gear.

In tonight's show,

we've got every sort of car
you can imagine.

We're rammed to the gills
with 'em.

We've got dirt-cheap cars.

We've got Italian supercars.

We've got electric cars.
We've got pick-up trucks.

And, ladies and gentlemen,

we've also got
a Vauxhall Agila!

Rrrrr-reee!
Agila! Agila!

Whatever your tastes,
whatever your budget,



we've got something for you
tonight.

But we're kicking off with one of
the greatest names

in motoring.

Maserati.

The Italian sports car company with
a truly glorious history.

Stirling Moss in his
Maserati number 7 wins the race.

There at the very
dawn of Formula 1,

this was the team that took the
great Juan Manuel Fangio

to his final F1 title

and went on to build

some of the most beautiful
race cars, and road cars,

ever seen.

But in recent times,

the shine has faded
on the old trident badge.



Yes, there have been
some decent saloons

and pretty coupes,

but the closest Maserati has
come to a real head-turner

was 2004's MC12,

which was just a Ferrari Enzo
with a body kit.

For the last genuine
Maserati supercar

you've got
to go back to this...

..the beautiful Bora.

This was the last genuine
Maserati supercar,

and it was built in 1971.

So we haven't had a new one
in over 50 years.

Must be time for a new one,
then.

This is the all-new

Maserati MC20.

It's got supercar looks.

It's got supercar doors.

And with prices
starting at £190,000,

it's got a proper
supercar price tag.

But after 50 years
out of the game,

what sort of a supercar
has Maserati built?

You might think

if you were building a
supercar from scratch

fit for the third decade
of the 21st century

that you'd go for some electric
hybrid plug-in thingy.

But the MC20 is at heart
quite old school.

No e-motor,
no regenerative braking,

just a turbo-charged V6
behind me

sending power
to the rear wheels.

That turbo-charged V6
makes 621 horsepower...

..which, in a car that weighs
just under 1,500 kilos,

is plenty.

It'll do 0-60 in 2.9 seconds...

..and over 200mph flat out.

By any standards,
it's a very fast car!

You're not going to be late
for anything.

So, it definitely does the
whole supercar speed thing...

..but with a super-stiff
carbon-fibre tub,

and double wishbone
suspension all round,

where the MC20
really comes to life...

..is through the corners.

This chassis can handle
really rapid direction changes.

Wind the lock on, it's so fast

it darts around in a way
that no Porsche 911

could possibly hope to do.

You've got to be
on top of your game.

That's the way it should be.

Good front-end grip. The back wants
to come round,

but it's nicely balanced.

This is, really, a massive
620-horsepower go-kart!

Issues?
Well, it's an Italian supercar.

Of course there are issues.

The brakes - they're effective,
but they take a huge push.

The pedal requires much, much more
effort than any rival car.

Maserati's done this
deliberately to give it

a kind of race-car feel.

But the steering is so light
there's a bit of a mismatch

between the input required
for the brake

and the little delicate
steering inputs required

for the light steering.

I think the biggest problem
is the size of the fuel tank -

60 litres.

And this V6 likes a drink.

And then there's the question

of where on earth you're actually
going to put anything.

Now, normally, when your engine's in
the rear,

you have lots of luggage
space up front.

Ah.

About enough room
for a pair of undercrackers

and maybe a sock.

However, there is more
boot space back here.

The trouble is,
it's right next to the engine,

which means it gets quite hot
- bad news

if you're transporting
ice cream,

very good news

if you're a high-speed
pizza delivery service.

Argh, that's hot!

But look,

it wouldn't be a Maserati
without a few...foibles.

And in truth, it's just good
to have that badge

back in the supercar game.

Would I have this MC20
over a McLaren or a Ferrari?

You know what? I think I would.

I love the simplicity.

It's not trying
to be a clever hybrid.

I love the way it looks.

I love the way it drives.

It's unlike anything else
on sale.

Will it provide a prosperous

and stable financial future
for Maserati?

Probably not.

But I'm so glad it exists
anyway.

Whoo-hoo-hooo!

Ha!

HE LAUGHS Dip a wheel in the dirt!

Dip a wheel in the dirt!

I'll tell you what,
it's a really great car!

Welcome back, Maserati.

We have missed you!

Beautiful.

Look at that.

I love it. Last week Lotus,

this week Maserati -

those legendary names coming back
out the woodwork

and absolutely smashing it.

You wouldn't put your money
on it. This is Maserati,

and its track record
isn't great. When they say,

"We're gonna make
a carbon-fibre supercar

"from scratch,
including the engine,"

the correct answer is,
"Course you are, lads."

But actually, they've gone
and done it.

And it's good. And I believe
there's an electric version

in the pipeline. Is there, Pad?
Yeah, they're saying

there's a convertible and an
electric version

in a couple of years.

However, this is Maserati.
A couple of years could mean

four or five
financial implosions,

so we won't hold our breath!
But this is still a great car.

Well, now it's time to find out
just how fast the MC20 is

by putting it round our track
in the hands of...The Stig.

Here we go. The MC20, looking
menacing in black,

our test track looking
almost entirely under water.

The car stepping out of line at
100mph there on the straight.

Look at the standing water.

The MC20's carbon-fibre tub

made by the legendary
Italian race outfit Dallara.

This car is built
of the good stuff.

Stig working his way through
that eight-speed

double-clutch gearbox.

That V6, not the most exciting
sounding.

Into the Follow Through.
This could be interesting.

Stig getting his money out
of that steering wheel today.

Holding it together there.

And across the line.

All right.

Straight away, off the bat,
it was a very, very wet lap -

tipping it down. So...
Yeah? The time was rock bottom.

1:30.4.

Ah. And not a good tyre
in the wet either. No, no.

So, when it dried out,

and just after
the cameras had left...

Oh.

..we sent The Stig out again.

On a dry lap,
what do you reckon?

So, 1:30.4 on a wet lap.

17 dead.

17? Ooh... Ooh. So we're down here.
Yeah. Ooh.

1:20. Higher.

Higher.

I reckon... Higher.

About there. About...
Where are you thinking?

A bit slower than the GTS
AMG. Behind the Bugatti?

Not a million miles away.
Yeah?

1:16.6.

Oh.

It's faster than a Veyron SS!

APPLAUSE Faster than a Veyron SS.

Look at that.

Unbelievable.

And now it's time to move on
and talk about money saving.

Correct,
because we've all noticed

everything's getting very expensive
right now in the UK,

including cars.

In the last year, the average
price of a second-hand car

has gone up by five grand.
Wow.

But are there still
cheap, cheerful, reliable

used-car bargains to be had?

We decided to find out.

To see if you can still pick up a
dependable runabout

for not a lot of cash,
the producers had rounded up

a load of used cars
for us to have a look at...

..all bought for less
than 500 quid,

all with MOTs, ready to roll...

..in theory.

Wow. Well, I've got to say!

Do you know what?
Looking round already...

How are they this cheap?
Bargains!

They can't have
MOTs, can they?

Oh. Challenge.

250 quid.

What, this? Yeah. These are great
cars, tough as you like.

Here you are.
Yeah.

"You have five minutes
to each choose a car."

"You may start the engine but you
may not move the car.

"Whichever car you're in
when the time's up" - oh! -

"is the one you're going
to be driving."

When does the five minutes start?

Don't know. HORN HONKS

Oh, there it is. Ay-oh-ay!
Right, I've seen that.

First things first,

rear suspension
I think's the problem.

That's quite solid.

This is the one that young Paddy
would have bought,

cos I'd have been skint

and I'd have known it'd run
and run and run.

Not too bad, that. I'll put
that in the old reserves.

What's in there, Chris?

Air. Lots of fresh air!

Paddy, what do you reckon?

A bit of headroom for you!

Practical.

No. Can't do it.

There's a little MX-5 here!

Have you seen the
rust on that thing, Paddy?

Rust? Oh, it's just a bit of...

Oh...

Oh, dear.

That's not good.

For 500 quid,
the Merc's got to be

the one that appeals,
hasn't it?

She's done 380,000
kilometres.

Starts OK.

That is a good car.

Oh, I'm going to look
at the MG.

I'm panic...panicking.

Lads, 364! It's got the chequered
flag on and everything!

Start it up, Pad.

Absolutely sweet as a nut,
this one.

Oh-ho. No, out of that one.
Diesel.

I couldn't live with that, even
if it was the best car here,

Oh, my Lord.
That's had a bit of a life.

Did you have a look
at the Celica?

Sounds good. Is it all right? Sounds
good, you know.

Here we go.

Oh! That's the frontrunner
so far.

ENGINE REVS Listen to that.

Volvo.
Best seats of the lot.

Oh.

Hey. Five cylinder...

I've had me eye on this one.

Frederick, sit in this.

Do you like it?
It's lovely.

ENGINE REVS That's all right, that is.

30 seconds!

Oh, I'm torn between
two very different cars.

I know where I'm going.
Merc it is for me.

How much is that?
450 quid.

Come on.

Once I've finished the film,
I can do a bit of minicabbing

to Luton Airport,
so I'm going to be...

And I even look right
for the job, don't I?

Aarrgh.

Oh, he's gone Celica!

No, no, no.

No, I'm going Volvo. HORN HONKS

You can't make your mind up
for anything,

can you, Flintoff? Volvo. Going back
to my Scandinavian roots.

CHRIS LAUGHS Thank you.

Having each
put our chips on a car,

it was time to find out what
we'd actually ended up with.

And to do that,
we'd been given the run

of an empty
Army training ground...

..where, it has to be said,
the early news was...

Go on, the little Cooper!

Wahey!

..I had bagged a winner.

This Mini runs like
an absolute dream.

114 brake horsepower
to the front wheels.

£364.

Aside from a few warning
lights on the dash, it's mega.

And come on,
it might be 21 years old...

Whoa-oa-oa!

..but that classic Mini
styling still looks fantastic.

It were designed
by Frank Stephenson,

who had a hand
in designing the Ferrari F430.

Practically a supercar,
this thing.

Well, that's clearly not true.

But, if you're talking
about a super car,

for 450 quid...

..my C-Class was a joy.

The W203, launched in 2000.

2.1-litre turbo-diesel engine.

I've got about 140
horsepower, a load of torque.

The fact is, I got seduced
by the rear-wheel drive

and I've done four slides
already.

This is, I'm sure,
the one to have.

Although, with all the fun
you'll get from buying

a turn-of-the-century
Mercedes like this one,

there are...certain risks
attached.

They're not that tough.

This is the era when
Mercedes-Benz rusted,

the engines
weren't that reliable.

But come on, look at it!
For the money,

I'm driving round
in a silver Mercedes.

It has to be the choice,
doesn't it?

Look at Harris.

He's loving life in that,
sliding it about.

I went for the Volvo V70.

Not sure it's the right car.

The Celica was calling me.

I think that might have
been more fun,

but I'm thinking £495, Volvo -

bulletproof, reliable.

This has done 193,000 miles,

which for a Volvo is nothing.

Look at Harris there, going
sideways. Nothing for me there.

What sold it in the end
was the seat.

As soon as I sat in it,
it was so comfy.

I'm just worried
I've gone boring.

GRAVEL HITS CAR Whoa! Thanks, Chris.

Lads, I've got to tell yer,

this Mini is driving
like an absolute dream!

That Mini looks far too good
for the money.

But I've got car envy
for the Volvo as well.

I know how good
those Volvos are.

It's the comfiest car seat
I've ever sat in!

There is an untold joy
in this type of car.

I just love the fact
that you feel like

you're beating the system.
You get in it and you think,

"Why would you want to
spend any more money?"

Well, it was time to find out.

Because to see if
our bargain-basement cars

were something you should
actually consider living with,

the producers had decided we should
drive them through

a tank test track.

Stop!

Back!

Yes, allegedly simulating

a full year's wear and tear
on 'em,

first would be a strength test,

where we'd have to drag
a tractor tyre

up and over a very steep hill.

Then, suspension wear -

bouncing across
a series of very bumpy dips...

..before finally reaching
the water splash...

..a reliability-testing wade

through three feet
of murky water.

Now, the tank overcame
the three obstacles

in five minutes, 56 seconds.

Question was, working together,

how fast could we get
all three cars through?

Boys, remember,
never leave a man behind.

Or a sub-£500 car.

Three, two, one, go!

What is that?

Oh, dear, dear.

Flintoff, you've got
a tow hook on. Let's tow it up.

Right, come on,
we're against the clock.

There we go, boys.

Here we go.
Oh, he's off.

Not a chance. Watch this.

He's going up.

Not a chance.
He's done it. Go on.

Nowhere near.
Oh, God.

She's not gonna go!

Teamwork! You've shot off.

I thought you wanted me
to go.

We're gonna have to give you
a bit of a shove, aren't we?

Right, hold on. Wait.
Don't go yet!

Right, three,

two, one, go!

On an angle at the top.

Whoa!

Oh, dear.

Oh, so close! So close!

Stay there, Fred.
We've got this. Stay there.

I'm gonna come
and ram your tyre, Fred.

Oh, dear. HE LAUGHS

With it becoming
increasingly clear

that our cars
didn't have enough grunt

to get even themselves
over the hill...

Lift it.

There we go! Hey-hey!

..I decided to spin
the Merc around

and give Fred a shove
from behind.

Flintoff, just get it
pinned in first now.

I'm gonna go up backwards

so I don't do my radiator
and I've got more traction,

like I'm front-wheel drive.
Go, Chris!

He's coming. Oh, here we go.

Come on, Chris. Come on,
Chris. Hit me. Hit me, Chris.

Give it the beans, Fred.
I am. Give it the beans!

Spin it, Fred!

Yes! PADDY LAUGHS

Oh, my God. Oh!

Right. Yes!

Take the tyre off quick!

Now we've got
to get these two over.

Give yourself
a run at it. Go on.

Oh, dear.

Paddy, I'm beached.

I'll give you a nudge!

Oooh.

That's not even...
That is not even possible.

How is that even possible?

I slowed down
cos I didn't want to...

I didn't want to hurt your car.

So that was two of us
now stuck,

and the only option for help
was Flintoff.

I'm coming, boys. I'm coming.

Oh, God, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no.

I'm just gonna go for it.

Yes! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Where's he gone?

Oh, it's like bloody Jaws, this.

I'm coming. Here we go.

Oh!

Ooh, Jeez!

That wasn't nice!

Having now all just about proven
our cars' strength...

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, lads...I see danger.

..next up
was the suspension test.

Hang back, lads, I'm going in.

Here he goes!

Whoa!

Go on.

Oh-ho! Upsy-dais...!

Oh, no. This is not good
for this car!

It is not enjoying it. Oh, no!

Ooh!

Oh, no! The Volvo is through.

I'll tell you what, my car
did not enjoy that one bit.

Shall I have a go?
Go on, Chris.

Get that water out
for my little Mini.

Oh, no!

Oh, dear.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Might have to have a bit
more of a run-up at this.

Come on, little Merc.

That is horrendous.

That is horrendous!

Here we go.

Oh! Ooh!

God!

Whoa, me little Mini!

Oh, my God!

Go on, the Cooper!

HE LAUGHS The Cooper's done it!

We should have
made some time up there.

We must have
smashed it over that, surely.

Definitely
smashed something.

Leaving what looked like

an important piece of the
Mini behind...

I literally do not know
how this Cooper's still going!

..the car-killing dips
were done with.

And there was just one very
unpleasant obstacle left

between us and the finish line.

What is going...? Oh, no...
That... That is deep.

HE LAUGHS This is ridiculous!

Oh, my word.

Go on, Pad. Get through it.
Go on.

I'm going in.

Go on, the Mini.
Go on, the Mini!

Go on. Go on.

Go on, the Mini.
Go on, the Mini!

Go on, the Mini!

He's done it. He's done it!

The finishing line is ahead,
boys. The Mini's through!

Come on, the Mercedes!

Come on, old girl.

Come on, girl.

Come on, girl. Oh, my God,
I'm actually floating.

I'm floating.

I'm floating. I'm stuck.

The engine's still going
but I'm stuck.

I'm coming, Chris.

Oh, my God.

Go on. Come on, the Volvo!

Don't hit me too hard!

Yes, Fred. Yes, Fred!

Yes, Fred.

Keep on it.

Yes, Fred!

Or, to put it
more accurately...

..no, Fred.

Me car won't start.

Me... Me exhaust is bubbling.

ENGINE FAILS Oh, God.

I'm stuck now.

Now, while Flintoff
was busy discovering

just how deep he was stuck...

Oh, no! WATER WHOOSHES

No!

Oh, no!

..we decided to give plan A
another good go...

Handbrake off. Neutral.
Get it whacked out.

Go on, push.
Speed, Chris! Speed!

No speed! No speed!
Speed!

Yes. Go on, son!

..and...
Right!

..once we'd concluded
that wasn't going to work...

Chris! Stop. Kill it!

..it was time
to break out plan B.

Right. Are you ready?

I'm gonna drop it
onto t'bonnet.

One, two, three.
All right.

There.
You...

You knob!

When I grab hold...
Oi... Oi, look at me.

When I grab hold of that,
do not pull it.

Have you got it?
Yeah.

Come...

BLEEP! You absolute...

I've got a bad knee! You absolute
tit! I've got a bad knee!

Do you know how cold this
is?

Has it escaped you
that we've actually got

to get out of here in time?
Come on.

Yeah, you've got a point.

So, once we'd successfully

teamworked the tow rope
onto the Volvo...

I can't feel me feet.

..it was just a simple case
of hauling it out.

Go on, Chrissy.

Come on, the Merc!

She's out!

Argh!

You big BLEEP!

And, having successfully
demonstrated precisely

why it was called plan B...

You just fired a load of
bricks at me shins, you dick!

Let's get to the finish.

..just 100 metres short
of the chequered flag...

WHIRRING CLUNK Oh, God, it's gone.

..our used-car bargains decided
enough was enough.

Oh, God, no.

Oh, no, no. No, no, no.

Yeah, this is gone.

The Merc is dead.

Oh, here comes Tank Man!

He looks smug.
Thank you.

Oh, it's the results.

"The tank completed the course

"in five minutes
and 56 seconds."

Oh.

"You did not complete
the course

"in 21 minutes and 23
seconds."

Well, no surprise
on the result there, really.

Where are you going?
Where are we going?

I'll tell you where
we're going - find another car.

I wanna dry me feet.

Ah!

Not a good start, is it? Three
cars driven, three cars killed.

Was that Mini dead, Pad?
Or was you being melodramatic?

A couple of dents. It still
looked very drivable to me.

I thought so as well. But it
turns out - common issue

with that generation
of Mini -

is when you drive over
a submerged telegraph pole

on an Army barracks, it rips
the radiator clean out.

I've heard that.
Very common.

I've heard that. Very common.

Anyway, we'll get back
to that film later.

Now we must move on to EVs.

We know everything
is going electric nowadays,

and for some types of car,
though,

it's not that much of
a leap from petrol, really.

Exactly. Little city runabouts
going electric,

it's hardly a big deal.

But some other corners
of the car world

might be a tougher nut
to crack.

The good
old-fashioned pick-up truck...

..which, here in America,
is big business.

Literally millions of these
are sold over here every year.

And they're not just bought
by farmers and lumberjacks,

they're bought by everyone.

So far, they've been
very much not electric,

very petrol.

But all that could
be about to change,

thanks to that lad.

It's called the R1T.

And it comes from an American
start-up called Rivian.

Yes, the race to launch the
world's first electric pick-up

has been won not by Ford
or even Tesla...

..but by a company
you've never heard of.

And they're doing things
a little bit different.

Your traditional pick-up truck,

well, they're generally
a bit rough and ready inside.

Not this one.
This is business class.

It's all big screens, recycled,
sustainable materials.

And because it's electric...

..it's quiet,
it's effortless to drive.

It's classy.

This is a good start.

But then it needs to be...

..because the world's
expecting big things

from this truck.

Last year, after Rivian had
built just a handful of cars,

the company offered up
a load of shares for sale.

They were so popular that
within just a couple of days

Rivian was worth...

..$127 billion.

Billion.

Which meant
that this tiny start-up,

that had never made a penny in
profit, was suddenly

more valuable than Kuwait.

What that says about the
world of stocks and shares

I have no idea,

but what it does mean
is that a lot of people

have got a lot riding
on this being good.

And let's face it,

you don't buy a pick-up just
to potter along the highways.

The Rivian needs to cut it
in the great outdoors.

And weirdly,

that's where electric
makes a whole lot of sense...

..because regular pick-ups
have the engine at the front,

sending power
to the four wheels,

with a lot of complicated
drive shafts and differentials.

But the Rivian has an individual
motor on each wheel.

And that means...
it can do this.

Yes!

Oh, it sends just
the right amount of power

to whichever corner

needs it most,
so that means plenty of grip,

plenty of torque,
but plenty of fun!

Whoa-oh!

Get up. There we go!

Up the hill.

It just eats anything up.

Oh, yes. Look at you go!

Now I'm on the straight
and I'm just gonna go.

Oh, my word.

55, 60.

75. I'm off-road.

This thing, I'm telling you,
is a weapon.

And that's before
you find drift mode,

which shuts down
the stability control,

stiffens up the suspension,

and sends a whole heap
of torque to the back.

HE LAUGHS Come on. Here we go.

Oh, yeah, go on, lad! HE LAUGHS

This is immense.

What a car!

So the Rivian will definitely
get you off the beaten track.

..and a 300-mile range

should be enough
to get you back on it...

..but just like any EV,

that half-decent range
does come at a cost.

Because to get a 300-mile
range in a truck this size,

you're gonna need
a big battery.

A really big battery.

And that means this R1T
weighs three tonnes.

That's pretty much
three Ford Fiestas.

If this new electric-car era
is all about efficiency

and treading a little lighter,

I'm not sure a three-tonne
truck is the way forward.

But if Rivian's
going to succeed,

to be honest, it's not me
that needs convincing,

it's these guys -

traditional pick-up
petrolheads.

Now, this is gonna be
a big test,

getting the opinion
of the locals.

Oh, oh, they're having a look
already.

Afternoon, gentlemen.
What are we thinking?

What is it? What is it? It's a
Rivian. All-electric pick-up truck.

No way! What do you reckon?
Come and have a look.

Got their attention.
Here we go.

300-mile range.

Here's the cockpit.

Nice little one to start with,
lads.

Just push that there.

Just push that.
Go on, push that.

A nice little handy torch
for them outdoor evenings.

Here you go, lads.
Watch this, watch this.

Storage in there.

Hello.

Hey? Hello!

Look at this here.

Air compressor.

Blow your tyres up there?

Blow your tyres up.
Air compressor.

Hey? Look at you. Ha.

Underneath the console...
Pulls out.

Now, you wouldn't have
thought the Rivian's portable

Bluetooth speaker would be
the thing to swing it...

60 grand, basic.

77, this one.
It's amazing.

..but this crowd were
definitely coming round.

Very, actually.

Look at the headroom
here. Look at this!

Holy crap. You've got like a foot.
This is a nice interior.

There we go.
Oh! Holy cow.

Wow.
Check that out!

Is this a cool box?
That is cool.

Fill this with ice,
put your beers in.

There's your plug -
drain it through.

Now you're ready to
party.

Huh?
Yeah. OK.

ENGINE REVS Oh!

Right, thanks for that, lads.
I've got to go.

I think I've just been
challenged.

Uh-oh.
Here we go.

Oh, yes, when you take Rivian's
pick-up to the drag strip,

you don't have to leave it
in the car park.

That is a Dodge Viper,

one of the fastest,
most powerful

American sports cars ever made.

Its 8.4-litre V10

makes over 600 horsepower...

..in a car that's less than
half the weight of the Rivian.

But what I've failed
to mention so far is...

..is that I've got
835 horsepower.

So I'm keen to race that.

Right, here we go.

Stick it into sport.

Reduce the ride height.

Let's catch me a Viper.

Ooh, I'm tense, I'm tense.

Oh, I'm off in the Rivian!

Come on! 0-60, three seconds!

Why am I shouting? It's so
quiet. Where's the Viper?

He's coming up.
He's catching, he's catching.

Come on, the Rivian.
Come on, the Rivian.

Go, go, go, go!

Come on!

And the win!
That is something else!

Wow!

Get me a form.
Sign me up. I am sold!

It's very slidey. Very slidey.

What a machine!
But, Fred, I thought

you weren't sold
on the old electric cars?

Honestly, I wasn't.
Every time I've driven an EV,

I found them a bit clinical.

And the Rivian - all right,

the peace and quiet
I found a bit weird...

Yeah?
But it worked amazing.

I think I'm on the turn.

I thought I could smell summat!

I tell you what, though,
the Rivian, I want one.

Problem is, Pad,
not coming to the UK.

If you want one, you're gonna
have to move to America.

Oh. I'll buy you a ticket.

HE LAUGHS I'll pack your bags.

No need for that, is there?

Now, this might surprise you,
but I've got a slight issue.

Oh, here we go!
There's a bunch

of these American trucks
coming, and if Americans

want to cut their consumption,
that's one answer.

The other answer is just
to buy something smaller!

Why does it all have
to be so big and heavy?

You do know that this show
is on in America?

LAUGHTER Fair point.

You've literally just insulted
an entire nation there.

Sorry.

Anyway, now it's time to get back
to our cheap-car adventure.

Right...

This looks like it might be
quite good.

..with our choice
of used-car options

becoming
increasingly limited...

Absolute dog!

..for another crack at proving
sturdy and reliable bargains

do exist, we'd each picked another
steed and hit the road.

I have lucked out big time
here.

Honda Civic. Reliability.

They're absolutely bulletproof,
these things.

1.6-litre five-speed manual.

Yes, it might have only had
four days left on its MOT,

but what a four days
they could be!

Bodywork's OK.
Engine sounds great.

It runs like an absolute dream.

God rest me Mini's soul...

..I think I might prefer
this one.

Lads, I'm...I'm gonna
miss the Mini,

but can you believe
the three of us are now

in little Japanese runarounds?

I have secretly always wanted
a Mazda 323.

Mazda, as a company
in the '90s, made such

beautifully engineered cars -

everyone thought
they were like a Ford,

but they were miles better.

And with a peppy 1.8-litre
four-cylinder engine,

mated to a silky-smooth
four-speed auto box,

250 quid feels like
an absolute steal.

The steering's lovely as well.

You know, this is a nicer car
to drive than that Mercedes.

I am gutted
for the Volvo.

The good news is, it gives me a
chance to drive the Celica.

When I was a kid,

the Celica round our way
was a bit of a legend.

You saw one of them,
oh, it was aspirational.

And you can see why.

1.8 litre.

Variable valve timing.
Six-speed manual.

It's every inch
the sports car...

..now...for just 450 quid.

Got to say, lads,

apart from having to rev
this one to death,

it's sweet as a nut.

Looking around, though,
it's dirty. It is not nice.

And a car of this age,

you always worry about touching the
steering wheel, don't you?

It always looks a bit...
DNAey.

Yeah, and a cloth seat
as well, Chris.

At least with leather,
you can just wipe 'em down.

You don't know
what's in this seat.

We live in heady
times, though, boys.

Everyone's cars
are going up in value.

If you just buy a car now,
sit on it for six months,

it will probably go up 10%

because there's a shortage of
new cars coming through

and it's pushed
the values of all used cars up.

So if I sit on this for six
months, I might get 500 quid.

If you sat on that for six
months, all you'd get is TB!

Now, to see
whether our second pick

of used-car bargains
could go the distance...

Ooh, look at this.

..the producers had
cooked up another test...

Deary me.

This is a fancy place.

..which, in a slightly
worrying development

for our cars, appeared to be
at a massive scrapyard.

Here we go.

We've come to your happy
place!

Have you ever seen
so many cars

in one place like that?

Look at this.
Wow. Oh, I'm happy here, lads!

Gonna have
a little mooch about?

Oh, yes. Right,
looking for parts now, boys.

If you find a V8 diesel Land
Cruiser, I need a dashboard.

We might find one an' all,

because this wasn't just
any old scrapper..

..this was one of the largest

vehicle dismantling yards
in Europe.

A 32-acre Aladdin's cave...

..of knackered old motors.

There's a Capri.

There's a Capri!
Where? Where? Where?

LAUGHTER What a treat!

Look at that!

Which one is it?
Two litre, isn't it?

Did they sell them
on a D plate?

That must be one
of the last Capris ever sold.

Look at that there. That's...
That's nearly a minter.

Tell you what,
a new wing for the front...

Yeah.
..a bit of T-Cut, right as rain.

Look at this.

Ooh. "Rat in boot?"

Is that like a new panto I've
missed out on? Rats In Boots!

Can we see if the aforementioned
rats are living comfortably?

Where's the rats?

Argh! You...

As good as it is
looking at smashed-up cars,

what are we doing here?

To find out, we'd
have to wait until nightfall.

Because with the scrapyard
closed,

the producers had been
hard at work

turning it...

..into a racetrack.

Got to say, I love
what they've done with it.

It's like an '80s pop video.
Lovely, isn't it? Very nice.

I love the lights
and everything else.

Oh. Here we go.

Thank you. Challenge.
Yeah.

"Welcome to the Top Gear
Death Race.

"You and your cheap cars will
now race against The Stig."

Hmm.

Oh, no.

"Losing cars will be crushed."

Oh, no, no.
I'm attached to the Civic.

No, I don't want
the Celica crushed.

Right.
Who's up first?

Him.

Ho-ho. Go on, Chris,
save your car.

Yes, in a final bid to see

whether any of our used-car
picks were worth saving,

we'd now be racing...

..to the death.

And apparently determined to show
where we'd gone wrong,

Stig would be driving three
of the cars we'd rejected

the day before.

And now, starting on
opposite sides of the yard,

we'd be given
a three-second head start,

aiming to stay ahead
for two laps,

with the last to cross the
finish line getting crushed.

Oi, clown brothers.

Oi, you two, listen to me.

I've noticed that
the two big strapping lads,

combined height 72 feet,
and all the muscle,

you've pushed me
into battle first.

Well, yeah,
you're the pro racing driver.

We, even though we take
the mickey, we look up to you.

Well, we look down...up to you.
You know what I mean.

So you've got
to set us an example.

And to take on Harris
and his Mazda,

Stig had lined up the Rover 25.

Are you ready, my mate?

Do it for the good of the
second-hand car market. Three!

Two! One! Go!

Oh, he's got a good start.

'Ey!

Come on, old girl.

Where is he? Here we are.
Oh, there he is. Here he is.

Right, I'm struggling a bit
with the gearbox here.

I'm struggling a bit
with the gearbox here.

Who's on here now? Who is
it? This is The Stig.

Chris is on the back.

Lovely stuff.

You're doing fantastic, Chris.
Well ahead, pal!

Come on!

Got to carry more speed
through the corners, Harris!

Go on, Chris!

That's The Stig.
Smashed him. Well through.

Come on,
find me a gear, you old girl!

Go on, Chris.
Keep pushing, son.

Really throw it in now!

The Stig's going through here now.
He's got him.

Go on, Chris. Go on, Chris.
Up against the tyres.

Go on, son.
You've got this.

Go on, Chris.
No, he's not got him.

He's not got him.
Come on, come on. Push.

Trying to give it everything
but my gearbox is sticking.

That was close.
That was close.

Here we go, here we go!

He's got him. He's through.
Push. Come on, Chris!

Chris Harris.

That was the best I could do.

Oh!
Paddy...

That were tight.
Do us a favour.

Just humour him.
Oh, God...

You know when he starts?
Excuses. Just humour him.

This will go on and on.
Oh, it will.

Chrissy! Well done!
Is there some sarcasm here?

Oh, no.
Hey, I'll tell you what,

it was close, though.
You were close to him.

I had a bit of a mechanical,
lads, I'm afraid.

Oh! It happens in these cars,
Paddy. It does.

The Mazda's going
to the crusher, is it?

It's looking like it.
Do you know what?

After it did that to me in
that race, I'm not that sad.

What did it do, Chris?
What happened?

Oh, the old automatic went. Ooh.

So you've just thrown the Mazda
under the crusher? That's it?

Well, what am I supposed
to do with it? It didn't...

It didn't perform in
the race for me.

Well, don't be bitter. Glitter.

Now go on, off you pop.

Get yourself a cup of tea.
I don't know.

You did well. Well done,
Paddy.

Oh, yes,
with Harris's reputation

for snaffling out a bargain

now being reduced
to the size of a wheelie bin,

next it was time

for the battle
of the sports cars.

Because to chase down
Fred's Celica,

Stig had chosen
the MG ZT-T diesel estate.

I don't...

Don't... Come...
Just come back breathing.

All right.

I was trying to say,
"Don't die."

Don't say that.
I was just... Be alive.

You've got this, big lad!
Come on, Fred.

I'll put t'window up.
Yeah, that'll help.

Here we go.

Come on, the Celica.
Don't let me down.

Best of luck, Fred.
Three, two, one, go!

Well, it's a keen start.
Come on, the Celica!

I like this. This works well.

It's lovely.
It's brilliant.

It's like a computer game.
Wzz-vroom! It's like Fred-vision.

Ooh, that was
a bit close to them cars.

This is The Stig.

I think he might have him,

cos I think that is a heavy
old boat, that estate car.

A bit of a bump. Wahey!

Here we are.
Come on. Go, go, go.

He's ahead, isn't he?
Ooh.

Last lap, Fred. Last lap. Keep
pushing, son! Keep pushing!

Come on, the Celica!
Get round.

That was close.
Keep going, Fred!

You're doing a great job!
Oh, I missed it!

I think he's just overshot it
and gone straight on.

I missed it.
I was daydreaming!

OK, so we're done.

He's definitely behind...

I think the old GPS failed!

No! It was going so well.

Here he comes.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Jeez! One mistake cost me.

How are we gonna play this?
Do the applause thingy.

Fantastic!
All in one piece.

Fantastic!
Well done, Andrew.

Fantastic!
That was amazing!

Thank you for
your patronising tones.

Did you see The Stig
actually behind you?

I just lost me bearings.
I was going straight.

The Celica
is in one piece.

And, more importantly,
so is he.

And we're only 2-0 down.
Thanks, Pad.

So... Oh, that's two cars
crushed.

On you go.

Oh. Go get 'em, tiger.

Got to do it for the Civic.
Got to do it for the Civic!

Yeah, that's three cars
crushed.

So, with Fred's Celica

now off to the great track day
in the sky...

..trying to stop the crusher

from enjoying
a full three-course supper...

..would be McGuinness
and his Civic.

And in a clear statement
of contempt for his chances,

Stig had decided to take him
on in the Vauxhall Agila.

Paddy, we need you here.

Leave it to the gaffer, boys.
Oh, here we go.

Are you ready, Pad?

In three, two, one, go!

Go, Paddy. Go on, son!

We're off.

Oh, 'ey up.
This is a bit tricky.

'Ey up. There we go. Wahey!

Stig's got his eye in now. Look at
the speed he's going at here.

There we go. Hey-hey!
He looks a bit slow.

The Stig's round here now.

Is he ahead?
Comfortably.

Oh, he's killing him.
He's killing him.

Oh, my Lord.
Come on, Pad.

Man alive!

Over the line. Over the line!
Keep going. Come on, Pad!

That's one.
He's nowhere near.

Come on.

Where's The Stig?

What's McGuinness playing at?
He's here again, the Stig.

Come on, Paddy!

Oh, God. Oh, God.
Come on, come on, Pad.

Argh! Come on.

Go! Go, go, go!

Oh, no. He's... Where is he?
Come on, Pad. Paddy!

There he goes.

Is that it?

Paddy,
you've finished. Come in.

Oh.

He's no idea. He's no idea.

Lost by about 200 metres.

Dear me. OK, ready? Ready?
Wait, wait, wait. Here we go.

Big applause.

Go get in!
Go on, son!

Is it three for the scrapper??

Listen, you're too happy.
You're too happy.

I take it that's me.

You came second.

That's the way we look at it.
See? Positive.

Second place. Never mind.
So what does that mean?

Well, first of all,
it meant the crusher

had had a busy evening.

Oh!

Oh, no!

No, no, no.

Oh...

Oh...

My word.

Me little Civic. Here it comes.

It's pooing out a Civic.

What a shame.

My gosh.

What's more,
it was time to conclude that,

while there may well be
a few diamonds out there

in the used-car rough...

Oh, dear.

..over the last couple
of days of intensive testing...

..we hadn't found them.

Well, our sub-£500 cars

reduced to furniture.

I've go to tell you, lads...

..I'm crushed!

I'm cru...! Come on,
let's get a cup of tea.

No, I'm not sure about that.

So, the question was...

..for less than 500 quid,
could you get something

that will give you years
of reliable motoring?

And the answer is yes -
well, as long as you don't go

ragging it round
a tank assault course

or race The Stig through
a deserted scrapyard.

I thought it was horrible,
watching 'em get scrapped.

That big claw coming in...
It was medieval.

Hung, drawn and quartered.

It was like Mad Max meets

that grabby machine thing you play
with down in the arcade.

I hate to see a car die.
But we have to say,

all these cars were going to the
scrapper anyhow, all right?

Exactly. If we hadn't
have bought 'em,

the breakers would have. They
died so others could live.

And at least we gave 'em
a bit of excitement

before they finally kicked
the bucket.

And look at this -

we've got three beautiful
coffee tables, hey?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Ah!

That's the end of the show
for tonight.

We'll be back next week,

when we're letting
Chris Harris loose

in an actual World Rally car.

And we're gonna
go back in time

to tackle motorsport
1920s-style.

See you then. Goodnight.