Top Gear (2002–…): Season 32, Episode 3 - Episode #32.3 - full transcript

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello and welcome to Top Gear.

Tonight, a very exciting show
for me,

because I get to fulfil a proper
bucket-list ambition of mine.

You finally got your Greggs
gold card.

No, not that. No?

Did you read a book?
Don't go mad! Don't go mad.

Tonight's the night I become
a proper trucker.

Yes, we're kicking off
by talking about HGVs.

PADDY HONKS

That's...me impression of an HGV.



Yes, we are, Pad. Thank you.

Because, as you may have heard,

Britain is in the grip of an
HGV crisis.

There's not enough drivers
to get the stuff we need

to the places it needs to go.

But what does it take to be
an HGV driver?

We decided to do some
trucking research and find out.

PADDY: Because there's no better way
to learn than "in at the deep end"

our mission to become
fully fledged HGV drivers

would start in the sensibly
wide-open space...

..of Leeds East Airfield,

where the producers had blagged
a couple of colourful examples

to see what we'd make of 'em.

Hey, the big leagues.



Look at these. The big leagues.

Have you driven one of these before?

Never dri... I've driven a 22-tonne
dump truck. Right.

But I've never been behind
the wheel of an HGV.

And me dad was an HGV driver.
Was he?

Oh yeah. The romance of it.
Did he let you pull the...?

HE HONKS

Oh, all that. I'm all over it.
So... I cannot...

I think everyone growing up
wants to drive a lorry.

I'm nervous about it.
You're nervous? Yeah.

This is the ideal vehicle
for you.

Your trouble is you've been
getting into little sports cars

and everything, you've not...
This is you now.

This is you. And as well,
might I add, I've spotted mine.

"McGuinness."

Do you know what?
I can't even argue, can I?

That's got you on.

Mine's called Lynda!

Hey, do you know what...what's
missing here? What?

The little fella. Yeah.

But... How's he gonna get in?

Exactly! How's he gonna get in?
Exactly!

Oh, here we go.

Oh-ho-ho-ho! Come on, get in.

Oh, there's a bed and everything!

Oh, look at...
What the hell's this?

This can't be right, this.

Oh! This is good.

Oh, seat belt. What's going on?
Come on.

Why's that not coming down now?

Oh, there we go. That's better.

Ooh, ooh. Look!

Come on. Don't do this to me.

This seat belt's...
Me seat belt's stuck.

ON RADIO: Ah, good buddy, ten-four.

I'm having a bit of trouble
with me seat belt.

Has yours locked up as well?
I can't get mine out.

I didn't see Kris Kristofferson
having this problem in Convoy.

I'm wondering if you've gotta turn
the engine on, Fred, first.

ENGINE STARTS

Hey!

Oh!

ON SPEAKER: We've done it!
We've cracked it!

Right, come on. Handbrake's off.

Is that off?

Oh!

I'm moving, Pad.

Oh, hang on.

We're trucking, young buddy!

If me dad could see me now. Go on!

It's so long at the back.
I keep looking.

I don't know where the back is.

I've driven everything
on Top Gear,

from £1,000 bangers
to £4 million supercars,

and this tops the lot.

I've gotta say, Fred, I've got
the biggest grin on my face.

This is fantastic.

What gear are you in?

I "think" third.

Well, if the early signs
were anything to go by...

What gear's that?

..we were natural-born truckers.

GEAR CRUNCHES

which was just as well,
because it turned out someone else

had been busy sneaking in
his own early practice.

'Ey up - I can spy another rig.

Not that it mattered.

BLEEP! Where's the brake pedal?
Sh...

Bit sharp on the brake, but...

What did matter,
now we were all together,

were a couple of crucial bits
of trucking business.

Right, now, before we go,
I've got a little app on me phone

for your official CB call name,
your trucker name.

OK, Chris, we'll start with you.

So it's your initials, CH,
so C...

..Chopper!

H... Hog.

Chopper Hog. That's you.

Right, here's mine. P...

..Professor.

Moose. Professor Moose.

Right, Fred, now I'm gonna give you
the option here.

Do you wanna start with F or A?

Let's try A first.
I'll go for me Sunday name, Andrew.

Admiral.

I chose well.

F...

So you are Admiral Fiddler.

I am not having that.
I am not having that!

You've just made
my entire year, McGuinness.

Admiral Fiddler!

No!

Official naming ceremony done with,
next on the trucking to-do list

was the obligatory drag race.

And since Sean Taylor also seemed
to be a racing enthusiast,

Harris had to perform.

Now, my brief experience
of this vehicle,

I was told not to hurry
the gearbox.

I'm gonna be slow gear shifts,
and use the torque.

STARTER: Standing by.

In three, two, one...

I've stalled it. I've stalled it.

Oh-ho!

STARTER: Standing by to go
in three, two, one.

Go!

Yeah! Here we go.

Oh! We've done 'em!

Oh, Paddy's off.

Breaker one-nine. Breaker one-nine.

We've got a big rubber duck.

FREDDIE'S ENGINE SPLUTTERS

Ooh, that's not right.

Oh!

He's got... McGuinness has got
a much bigger engine than me.

What is going on here?

I'm coming up on Paddy now.

Oh! Yeah, we're going, we're going,
we're going!

A bit too soon, Fred.
Watch me go, boys! Look at this!

Oh, God, no! He's back on me!

Damn you, Harris!

Oh-ho-ho! Ho-ho-ho-ho!

Oh, I was in the wrong gear!

We're flying, me and the Scania.

Come on! Come on!

Not a chance, Fiddler.
Not a chance.

Admiral, it is. Admiral!

Look at that!
It's a massive victory!

Well, lads, I don't know what to
say. That was an annihilation.

Did you stall on the line, Paddy?
I can't remember.

Did you? Was it you or was it Chris?

Yeah, I don't think I stalled.
Did you stall, Fred?

No, I didn't.
I just got in it and did it!

Now, if you're thinking that,
in the world of HGVs,

a drag race is about
as irrelevant as it gets,

then it's just as well this next bit
was much more important.

Horn.

I wanna hear your horns.
Let's go, lads. Fred horn first.

DEEP BLAST

It's like the QE2.

HORN CONTINUES

McGuinness, let's hear yours.

DAINTY TOOT

What's that?! What's that? "Meep!"

PADDY TOOTS

Gotta be honest,
that's ruined the day for me.

Right, lads, here we go.

LOUD, MELODIC BLARE

Oh!

HORN CONTINUES

That's proper!

FREDDIE GROANS

And to make sure we'd turned over
every page

of the HGV driver's playbook,
we still needed to test precision.

So, in the time it took
to lay out a few cones,

we had ourselves
a reversing race.

First to back up into their bay
is king of the big rigs.

STARTER: Three, two...
Come on.

...one, go.

Oh, oh, oh.

Right, we've got this.

Here we go.

Straight back.

I can't really see
down the side of it.

I'm making the turn.

Left hand down.
Left hand down.

Ho-ho-ho. This is tricky!

Oh, God. I'm all over the place.

I'm gonna go forwards again.

Whoa!

You've cut me off, Fred.

I can promise you

it's not intentional.

I'll straighten it out.
This is awful!

Come on. Come on, Harris.

PADDY: You're in my bay,
you clown.

CHRIS LAUGHS

Come on. Come on.

Get out of me bay!

I'm in, I'm in.

I'm in.

I'm in. I'm in. I'm in, boys!

How am I supposed to get in?

It doesn't matter
cos I've already won.

You've won because I've had
to wait cos that...

...gormless get cut me off
and then went in my bay!

DEEP HORN BLAST

I'm blocking him in.

LOUD, COMMANDING HORN

I tell you, you'd be causing
murder at Moto services,

you here, Paddy.

You OK, Patrick?

That'll teach you
for taking my bay!

What's happened?

You literally cut me off
and parked in me bay!

This ain't...
Nobody said...

That's yours,
that's his, that's mine!

Nobody said, "That's my bay."

They did...

Now, at this point,
it was suggested to us that,

if we were ever to become
real-life HGV drivers,

we should probably get
a few lessons,

so we all booked in on
an intensive training course,

and set out to get our licences
as soon as possible.

Oh, yes!

One qualified truck driver
at your service.

You are now looking
at a graduate from

the HGV University.
Ho-ho! Nothing can stop me now.

And as the newest member
of the HGV Club,

I was ready to take my place

alongside the great hauliers
of Britain.

Look, look, there's one there.
Look at that.

I can drive that!

I am driving that.
I'm driving this.

It's just bonkers!

HORN HONKS

Ah-ha-ha! Who's this I spy?

Here we go, Mr McGuinness.

Fully certified
and ready to truck.

This feels very grown-up indeed.

I tell you what, little Chopper,

get yourself up in front, son.

Go on, tuck in there.

Just one more for a full house.

The Admiral reporting for duty,
sir.

Hello, the Admiral!

Go on, lead us out, son.

PADDY CHUCKLES

Oh, yes, we had ourselves a convoy.

Come on, then, lads,
time to own up.

On your HGV test,

how many minor faults?

Just one for me.

Two for the Professor.
Three.

What were yours for,
Chris? Not reaching the pedals?

What about the theory?
First time?

A first-time pass
for the Professor,

but that was just a given.

Well played, Pad. I must admit,
second time for me.

What about the Chopper?

I technically passed

the first time that I took
the examination.

Explain, Christopher.

The first time, I didn't have
my licence with me

and they sent me home.

I drove four hours to London
and they sent me home.

CHUCKLES

It's a cursory lesson

to everyone out there -
follow the rules.

And as I'm realising with
the whole world of trucking,

it's a more grown-up world
than driving a car, isn't it?

Oh, yes, it is,

especially when you're driving

the world's most powerful truck.

Welcome to the Scania 770S,

the big dog of the trucking world.

770 horsepower and
a turbo-charged 16-litre V8.

What I'm driving here

is the Bugatti Chiron
of the trucking world.

Ohhh...

The envious looks
I get off the other truckers!

They all want to be behind
the wheel of the big ol' Scania.

Do they, though?

Because when you're hauling
serious miles,

real truckers
know that comfort is king.

You're a trucker, you're in this
for hours and hours every day.

You don't need 700 horsepower,

what you need is space,

somewhere to stretch out.

This is the biggest, most spacious,

most comfortable cab money can buy.

This is the DAF XG+,

the Rolls-Royce Phantom
of the trucking world.

I've gone tech.

This is the new
Mercedes-Benz Actros,

and it really is
the Tomorrow's World of HGVs.

All the tech you see here,
the camera mirrors,

all the screens,

all the self-driving help
for the HGV driver,

it's going to percolate down

into HGVs over the next five years.

I am driving, quite literally,
the future.

In fact, forget Actros,

this is the Mercedes S-Class
of the trucking world.

And I tell you what,

it's naffing comfortable
and very, very quiet.

So, three proper truckers
in three proper trucks.

It was just as well
that we'd been given

our first trucking mission.

Each of our trailers
had been loaded

with a mystery cargo
that we'd have to deliver

to the south coast of Wales
by early the next morning.

And that meant
we had plenty of time

to squeeze in that
new trucker's rite of passage,

taking a break at a good
old-fashioned truck stop.

I tell you what, they look well,

the three of them together,
don't they?

They do.

I can't believe you boys
haven't embraced

the trucking attire.

That's not trucking attire!

It is!

Can we walk in a bit behind him?

The thing is, though,
truck stops these days...

This is way too nice!

...aren't quite as
old-fashioned as you'd think.

Oh...

Oh, very nice.

Chris?
Yes?

I don't want to stereotype
truckers,

but I didn't realise
they wore cufflinks.

I know.
This is...

This is... This is next-gen.

Hello, I'm sorry to ask,
but do you do

an oat-milk latte?
I do.

MILK FROTHING

Hey!

They only do the oat-milk lattes!

Do they?
I can't believe it!

I've got to say...

...this isn't what I expected.

I thought it was going to be
a greasy-spoon job.

No, this is...
This is proper.

I tell you, I'm spoilt for choice.

Buy a TV!

Look at this, here! Pillows!

What tractors do you drive, anyhow?

I've got the Scania.
The Scania R450.

Ooh.
I'm a 770S man.

Ooh, Scania's quick.
It is quick.

They've got some really nice
ratchet straps here.

I'm thinking of doing
a big shop.

Very civilised. This is lovely.

Lads, if this is trucking,
I'm in.

This is a nice coffee.
If this is trucking, I'm in!

That's a lovely coffee.

I can't understand why there's
a shortage in the industry.

What a way to live!
Best job ever.

And, once we'd fully brimmed

on foamy milk
and freshly baked goods...

...back on the road,

we were soon discovering
that real-world trucking comes

with even more unexpected perks.

I tell you one thing all car drivers

would appreciate about trucks -

the windscreen wipers
are fantastic.

They just give you
the cleanest, crispest wipe -

for want of a better phrase.

And the washers.

Watch this.

Look at that!

Just...perfect sweeping!

Joyous! I love a good wiper.

Do you know what else is lovely
about driving these trucks?

When you're driving past cars,

you can have a good nosey down
at inside the cab.

You get a glimpse into
someone's life, don't you,

when you look into
the car from this angle?

Each to their own.

I'm easily pleased.

CHUCKLES

And it turns out
so are the producers...

...because since we were making
such effortless progress,

they'd decided it was time
to see who had really come out

top of the trucking class.

And that meant making a stop
at an RAF base.

Lads, that looks
like two helicopters.

That's a wide load, that is!

Yes, it was.

To test our precision
truck-driving skills,

we'd now take turns towing

an inconveniently arranged
pair of helicopters

through a twisty slalom course.

With a time penalty
for any gates clipped,

the cleanest, fastest run would win,

which meant I'd need
to summon all 625 horsepower

from the mighty Mercedes
15.6-litre straight six.

Yeah, before I set off,
and in advance of you doing it,

I can tell you

that the old camera mirrors
weren't designed for this!

BOTH LAUGH

Well, good luck.

Three, two, one, go!

Hoh!
Ho-hooo!

That's a slow start.

Wowsers!

Why's he going so slow?
I don't know.

Towing two helicopters.
I'm not aware of the weight.

I've got over
2,000 foot-pound of torque.

That's a penalty.
The state of it!

Is that about the middle?

Oh, he's panicking.
Oh, here we go.

This is him now.
Oh, he's at an angle.

Oh, it's at an angle, that,
as well. Look at it!

CLANG!

CHEERING

There we go. That's one over.

First one, bosh!
Knocked it over.

I'm going to give it beans.

We're going to save some time.
I'm giving it beans.

Go on, hit it, hit it,
hit it, hit it, hit it, hit it!

He's got to get through this one.

Wah-ho!

Straight through at speed!

THEY GROAN That's disappointing.

I've got to say,

this place,
like a penthouse.

It's lovely, innit?
I tell you what,

you've not seen any of it.
Absolutely fantastic!

Right, again,
I'm going flat-out.

CLANG! Oh, hit that one.

Ohhh!

BOTH LAUGHING

Oh!
I tell ya. Look at it all.

You've got everything...
I could get into it.

Everything's digital.
...on screens. Apple CarPlay.

Have a try at the
driving seat. How comfy?

CLANG!

Ohhhh! Oh, he's here!

He's back! We forgot about him!

Over the line! For glory!

That... Ohh! EXHALES

I tell you what, we loved that.

That bit you did down there
and round the back?

Oh, fantastic.

Next, time to see
what Flintoff could do

with 100 less horsepower
in his DAF.

I've got to be honest, Fred,
being back

in the old Scania,
I'm a bit envious of yours.

I tell you what,
the DAF is lovely, isn't it?

And what's that?

I can stand up.

I can stand up with my arms up.

This is my tummy out.

Here we go!

Three, two, one...

Go!
Whoa...

Oh, I expected more
off the line.

Foot's on the floor.

Now, let's watch him
on the first bend, as per.

Now, this is where you caught
one, Christopher.

I caught one on the right.

I'm just guessing.
Just guessing.

CLANG!

Oh, same one!

He's knocked it over.
Same one. So, there you go.

Oh, I tell you what,

it's a different beast
with a bit of weight.

I've got to say,
being in that DAF,

there's loads of room,
all the tech on it.

The bed, it was electric...

Although I have got
a fridge, here.

Can I show you me fridge?

Why have you got almond milk?

Oh, oh, oh, not too fast!

Oh, it's cutting in on me.

That wasn't me, that.
It was braking for me.

Oh, he's winged that through,
hasn't he?

Come on.
Straight, straight, straight!

CLANG! Oh, no!

Knocked the last one.
Ohhhh!

On the left, there!

HORN HONKS Ho-hooo!

Two down.

Well done, the Fiddler.

BOTH LAUGH

I am not the Fiddler.
I'm the Admiral.

And I don't want a roof neither.

LAUGHTER

Finally, the Professor

in the world's
most powerful truck.

You're under
a bit of pressure here, Paddy,

with your 700 horsepower.

Watch the power.

OK, here we go!

Three, two, one, go!

Phwoar! Come on!

Whoa. Ooh.

Here we go.

CLANG!

He's clattered it.

I don't even know
if I took one out or not.

I literally cannot see
the end of these propellers.

Oh, he's through.
He's through.

He's not getting
through this one.

He's going to panic.
Oh! Jesus, where am I?

Ho-ho!

The Scania might not be
as luxurious inside,

but, by God, she can go.

Bosh!

Got to have made that through.
He's through there!

He's through there.
Ooh, he's through!

Whoa...!

Whoa!

We don't need this.

OK. It's always a better day
when he doesn't win.

Go! Go! Go!

Oh, I took that quick.

CLANG! Ho-ho-ho! Hey-hey!

Oh, he's smashed that!

Yea-ah. Yeah!

Come on, the Scania!

Go on, son!

HORN HONKS

We're over.

I went for speed over precision.

It's an odd look seeing a man

wearing a cheap cowboy hat,

towing two helicopters

in the world's most powerful truck.

Welcome to the BBC!

Where the results were in.

Ah!

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Christopher Harris.

Ooh!
Two minutes, 15 seconds,

and that's including

a 15-second penalty
for three hits. Shoddy.

Freddie Flintoff...

...two minutes,

plus a ten-second penalty
for two hits in the DAF.

But...

Oh, no...
...in first place, boys,

was there ever any doubt,

with the 770 horsepower
of the Scania?

One minute, 47 seconds.

LOUD, COMMANDING HORN Plus a ten-second penalty

for the two hits.

Thank you, boys, giving me
the big... I love that.

That's the truckers' salute.

They recognise...

They recognise a winner.

I've got to say,
he might have been the slowest,

but Chris Harris wins
for that horn.

Let's hear yours, Pad.

HIGH-PITCHED TOOT

Ohhhh!
No!

LAUGHTER

700 horsepower and a little squeak!

No! No!

LOUD, COMMANDING HORN

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You're thinking what?
World Championship!

THEY LAUGH

Hey!

Trucking's in the blood, lads.

I was born to do it.

That Scania V8, what a machine!

Everywhere I went
in that thing,

truckers would come over
to me like, "Respect."

Respect. It was a beast
of a thing, that, a beast.

I must say, I did like
the comfort of the DAF.

That was some truck. And
we found your motorsport, Pad.

Helicopter transportation.

I've found a niche, Fred.

And I'm going to fill it.

Can I say that on the telly?
I think you just did.

I did, yeah!

Anyway, we'll get back to
that film later in the show,

when things get
a whole lot stormier.

But now, we must move on

to big Chrissie Harris
and a very small car.

Yes, this is the Lotus Elise,

the back-to-basics British
sports car that arrived in 1996

and has been on sale ever since.

Until now,

because Lotus has finally
killed off the Elise

and, in its place, given us
something completely new.

Straight out of Norfolk comes...

...the Emira.

And first impressions are,

it's not what you'd call ugly.

In fact, this two-seat,
mid-engine sports car

looks a million dollars.

But thankfully, this Lotus
doesn't cost $1 million,

or anything close.

The car I'm driving right now -
75 grand.

I know that's not chicken feed,

but you tell me anything
near the same price

that is anything near as good.

There isn't one!

This is supercar looks
for half the supercar price.

And it's from Norfolk.

I love it.

And the good news
doesn't end there.

I hate the word,
but look at it -

it's nice in here.
It's pleasant.

I've got modern screens,
I've got padding on the seats.

There's no water
coming through the roof.

I'm not whacking my elbow
against bits of metal.

This is bold new territory
for Lotus.

Yes, on the road
it's bigger than an Elise,

but, frankly,
there are pencil cases

that are bigger than an Elise.

But I'm on a damp Welsh road,

and this is Lotus territory.

This car is sublime
in these conditions.

It just glides
over the surface.

It breathes with the road.

Lotus is better at making cars

for bumpy British roads than
any other sports car company.

But it's not enough
for this new Emira

just to do the business
on the road. Lotus's history,

its very DNA,

is racing.

And that means

the Emira really has to do
the business on the track...

...where at first glance
you'd be forgiven

for thinking
they've missed a trick.

The engine is
a supercharged V6

with about 400 horsepower.

ENGINE ROARS

0-60 -
four and a half seconds,

and over 180mph.

I know. Hardly
tear-your-face-off quick

in this day and age.

The truth is, though, Lotus has
never really been too obsessed

with those big numbers.
Lotus's obsession

has always been
what makes the difference

between a car
that's good to drive

and a car that's great to drive.

The steering is just razor-sharp.

The front of the car
follows the direction

exactly you want it to do.

Every other sports car maker
now electric.

But Lotus has a hydraulic power
steering rack purely for feel.

Boy, does it make a difference!

The steering on this car
is sublime.

Especially as it's been paired with,

yes, that manual gearbox.

Lotus's founder, Colin Chapman,

always insisted
that the gear lever be no more

than a hand's width away
from the steering wheel.

And, look, in the Emira -
perfection!

Perfection.

TYRES SCREECH

HE LAUGHS

For price and power,

this thing is bang on
a Porsche Cayman rival.

And that is some stiff competition.

Would I really choose
one of these over the Porsche?

Well, I think, as a road car,

the chassis
is more comfortable in this.

It's probably got it licked.

And it looks better
to my eyes as well.

I can make a very good argument
for having one of these.

TYRES SCREECH

The Emira, then, looks great,
it goes great,

it costs a not insane amount
of money.

So what's the catch?

The catch is...
this all-new Lotus

isn't quite so all new as
Lotus would have you believe.

The engine,
borrowed from Toyota -

basically the same as the one
from the old Evora.

Same with the gearbox.

Under the skin,

this is the same
old Lotus formula

wearing designer sunglasses
and a fancy new scarf.

But you know what -
that doesn't matter one bit.

The old Lotus formula
was great.

You don't want your local
chippy pivoting towards

Mongolian fusion cuisine, do you?

You want an honest
lump of battered cod.

It might be an old recipe,

but it is still a classic.

I don't need more
than 400 horsepower.

How fast can you actually go
on the road?

You can enjoy more
of a car like this...

...in more places, more often.

It's fit for Britain.

And we need to enjoy it
while we can,

because the Emira
might just be...

...the end of an era.

They say this is the last
petrol-powered Lotus.

From here on in, it's electric.

I'm OK with that. Times change.

But when it is all electric,
let's not forget

how good this car was.

I said last year

that this was one of the cars

I was most looking forward
to driving in 2022.

So, does it live up to expectations?

Absolutely!

Absolutely!

HE LAUGHS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Do you know, I've got to say,

for the money,
that is a beautiful car.

And it gets even better.
This one that I drove -

75 grand.

Next year, there's going
to be a cheaper one,

under 60 grand,

with a turbo-charged
four-cylinder engine

from the Mercedes A 45 hot hatch.

I cannot wait to drive that one!

My problem with Lotuses...

I can never get in 'em. I'm too big.

You struggled with the HGV!

LAUGHTER

And I'm looking at this

thinking there might be
a chance.

Do you mind if I...?
Slip on in, Fred.

New idea for a show here,
Pad. Can Fred Fit In It?

LAUGHTER

Ooh! No problem.
I cannot believe it.

I thought we were gonna
have to put lard

round the doorframes
or summat like that.

It's like a TARDIS.
It is.

I tell you what this is.
I want one.

Are you enjoying it?
Genuinely, I want one.

OK. All right. Well, while
Fred makes himself comfy,

it's time to batten down
the hatches

and get back
to our big HGV adventure.

NEWS THEME MUSIC

NEWSREADER: BBC News at ten
o'clock. This is Nick Quraishi.

The Met Office has issued
a rare red weather warning

for parts of South West England
and South Wales

tomorrow morning,

as Storm Eunice moves in
from the Atlantic.

Our mighty convoy
was closing in on Wales.

Look at this, boys!

But with our destination
on the south coast

now within easy reach,

approaching the Severn

we were bracing ourselves

for another
of trucking's rites of passage.

Feel it now, Chris.
We're coming onto it.

I can feel the wind.

WIND GUSTS

HE CHUCKLES

HE LAUGHS

The back of your trailer's

having a little sway there, Chris.

Even though I'm getting
blown around a bit,

the whole thing does feel
very stable, though.

I don't feel I'm having
to steer into it much.

What about you?

Not even deviated off
the straight, this thing.

Truth be told,

our modern HGV masterpieces

weren't in the least bit
bothered about the breeze.

Tell you what, though,

being this high up,
the views are amazing.

But if you're starting to think

this trucking game
might be for you,

it's worth mentioning that life
isn't just about mega-machinery

and comfy cabs.

When you're a trucker,

your life is ruled
by the tacho.

And I'm not on about
the tasty Mexican snack either.

I'm on about
this bit of kit up here.

That's a tachograph.

And a tachograph logs all
your hours behind the wheel

to make sure
you stick within the rules.

Rules like you've got nine
hours of driving every day,

apart from twice a week,
where you've got ten hours.

Then you've got 11 hours
of consecutive rest,

apart from three times a week,

where it can be nine hours.

Then you've got
56 driving hours a week,

or no more than 90 hours
every two weeks.

Oh, and every
four and a half hours,

you've got to take
a 45-minute break.

And trust me,
if you don't know those rules,

they'll come down on you
like a ton of Yorkies.

Of course,
you do soon become familiar

with all the rules and regs.

You might even start
to have a bit of fun.

OK, I'm coming past,
Frederick. I'm coming past.

Oh, he's making a move.
Go on, Chris,

I'll flash you in, Chris.

Not yet, not yet.
Double flash, please.

In you come. In you come.

Tell you what, boys,
we are making such good time,

I think we might need to head off

and find some proper,
open trucking roads.

What do you reckon?

Well up for that.

But in the world of trucking,

it turns out
nothing is straightforward...

...least of all when you leave
the motorway behind.

Remember I told you

we were gonna find
some nice open roads?

I'm not sure this is

what I had in mind, Chris,
to be honest.

This is tight!

This is where I really
admire seasoned truckers.

The way they navigate these
small towns is very impressive.

You're testing
our skills here, Christopher.

I feel like I'm on a constant
hazard perception test.

That right-hander
is hideous. Be careful.

Nice and wide, Paddy, lad.
Nice and wide.

BYSTANDER: Go on, Paddy!

Driving through Abergavenny there,

if I'd have done that in a car,
I'd have swore blind

you'd have never have got
an HGV through there.

I mean, it is a bit tight,
don't get me wrong,

but it's amazing the roads
you can get along and through -

providing everyone
moves out of the way.

Which, of course,
you soon find they often don't.

Bit of a div parked
his Kia right here

on a double yellow.

Where?

Bloomin' heck,
it's tight round here.

Watch this little white car coming
towards you an' all.

This is actually
one of the advantages

of being at the back.

Jeez, that was tight.
That wasn't fun there.

That was tense.

But stick with
the trucking game long enough,

and every now and again you'll
discover a little bit of magic.

Wales is beautiful.
Look at those hills.

I've got to say, this is proper.

Welsh hills, sunshine's out,

and I've got over 600 horsepower.

What a recipe!

Genuinely strange, coming on
all the roads that I've used

for 20 years to test
supercars...in a truck.

It's really quite pleasant.

What a machine this is!

The DAF is loving it.
Absolutely loving it.

Just skipping up the hills.

Tell you what, boys,

when we did the time trial
before,

with the old helicopters
on the back,

and you started having
a go at me about me horn,

well, I've found a little button

in the Scania cab which turns
the average horn

into a super-horn. Do you want to
have a little listen?

Fire away.

HORN BLARES

Lovely stuff.

It is stunning, though.
What a day to see it.

I know there's a bit
of wind knocking about

but the sun's out. Beautiful.

It really was.

But as we climbed higher
into the Brecon Beacons,

that "bit of wind
knocking about"

was definitely getting stronger.

WIND GUSTS

Oh, it's blowing now!

Ho-ho, dear me!

Having to concentrate
a bit harder now, aren't we?

They are amazing
bits of engineering.

I know we're saying it's tough,

but just twirling a wheel,
foot on the brake,

the vehicle does the rest.

Just incredible bits of engineering.

Although on a narrow,
winding road,

in increasingly blustery conditions,

things soon become less
incredible when one of those

"bits of engineering"
comes the other way.

BLEEP!

Whoa!

That was horrible. Did you see that?

Literally that come from nowhere.

That was a close one, that.

And it was just another
timely reminder

of what truck driving
is really all about.

So much responsibility
in driving one of these.

You've got to be on it
all the time.

And you think about that

day after day
after day after day.

This is hard graft.

Truckers watching this,
they'll know what I'm on about.

I'm not sure I've got it in me,
to be honest.

With the day drawing in
and the weather deteriorating,

it was time to leave

the scenic detour behind.

The priority now
was to get as close

to our final destination
as we could...

..before this.

NEWSREADER: Storm Eunice
hits the UK,

with powerful winds causing
injury, damage and destruction.

Oh, my God!

For what's thought
to be the first time ever,

both bridges here across
the Severn Estuary have closed

because of the high winds.

Storm Eunice had been giving
Britain a bashing.

And once the worst had passed,

how grateful we were to reach
the end of the road.

Oh, there she is. Pembrey
Circuit. We made it, boys.

I've had easier drives than that
in me life.

A lot of sympathy for HGV drivers
in these conditions. It's horrible.

But we weren't done yet,

because we had finally pulled up

at the home of Welsh motorsport,

where it turned out, all this time,

we'd been hauling everything
we needed to go...

...truck racing.

With over 1,000 horsepower,

ten times the torque
of your average supercar,

all reined in by enormous,

steam-billowing,
water-cooled brakes,

these five-tonne,

rear-wheel-drive,
custom-built monsters

are not for the faint of heart.

A typical race sees grids
of up to 20 trucks

doing battle
at speeds of 100mph.

And because
on an unfamiliar track during

an extreme weather event,

diving straight
into this kind of action

would be just plain stupid...

What a lovely day
for a truck race!

...before giving it
a go ourselves,

we'd generously been given
a couple of laps

to get to grips...

...with our new rigs.

These things are huge.

Tell you what, though,
it's exciting.

Here we go.

Pad, Pad, Pad, no, Pad!

CRASH!

Ohhh!

BLEEP!

These racing trucks
are tough old birds.

And with no harm done...

...apart from that bit,

back at the pits,
it was just a case of waiting

for Eunice to pepper
the track with a hailstorm,

and then, apparently,
it was time to go racing.

Here we go, little bit
of damp on the road.

Practise, don't you, in the dry,

then it's hailstones
and we're in the damp.

Oh, and just for good measure,

we'd be starting from
the front of the grid.

Got to be honest, I...

...I'd have sooner have been
at the back of the grid.

Now I've got the cast of Convoy
hurtling past me.

Yes, truck racing
traditionally plays out

in 15-minute bouts,

often using a reverse grid system.

Putting the slowest drivers
at the front

is a good way to ensure

lots of high-octane action.

Never thought I'd do
a formation lap behind

Flintoff and McGuinness.

Putting us lot at the front,

on the other hand, is madness.

Paddy, what you doing?

Formation, Pad.

Fred needs to get by
the side of him.

What is Paddy doing?

This is the only time
I'll be at the front.

So, I'm just enjoying it!

Here we go, lead car's pulling out.

Let's go.

Come on!

Ohhh, I'm all over the bloody shop.

Blooming heck, he's muscled me
out already, Pad.

Let's try and get away from him.

This is sketchy.

I'll tell you what,

it's completely different
in the wet.

Slow down.

Into the hairpin.

Whoooo-ho-ho!

Lost it.

Oh, Paddy's off again.

Can I get back out?

Oh, no!

No. Come on!

Paddy McGuinness is off.

Oh, absolutely devastated!

Just one minute
into our 15-minute race...

It's a red flag.

It's a red flag!

...we'd all been told

to stop.

And while McGuinness's truck
was recovered to safety,

we headed back to the grid,

ready to restart

from where we were sitting
when the race was red-flagged.

That meant Harris was up front,
I was in fourth,

and McGuinness would be
at the back.

And I've got to be honest,

it feels nicer here.
It feels a lot nicer.

Here we go. And we're away again.

So we now appear to be in P-1,

which in my experience

is exactly where
you don't want to be for

a restart, cos you've just got
a massive target on your back.

With 14 minutes left
to survive...

Get your wipers on,

it's starting to rain.

...it was time to go racing again.

Bloody hell.
I say it's better at the back,

but it actually feels worse.

Cor blimey,

look at the congestion here.

Go, go, go, go, go.

Dear me.

I've got someone
right up my chuff now.

Oh, I went wide.

Oh, there's one coming up
the inside there, he's got me.

Get the windscreens on,
get the windscreens on.

I can barely see.

Ohh, got it back.

My word.

He's coming for me,
he's coming for me.

I've got to cover
that inside line.

This is tricky.

Jeez, come on, keep going.

Yes, Fred, that's better.

Not too fast round here.
No, no, stay on.

As the minutes ticked away,

the midfield were
gradually picking me off.

Going up me inside.

Keep going, Fred.

And it's safe to say
me and McGuinness were really

just trying to bring
our 150-grand racing rigs

back in one piece.

The windscreen wipers
have gone. I can't see.

My word!

But up at the front,

Harris had spent most
of his first-ever truck race

in the lead.

Come on!

And now, with just
a few minutes left

to the chequered flag,

the fight for the podium was on.

Sliding everywhere now.

They've got a surprising amount
of grip,

but if ever the grip goes away,

it's catastrophic.

No, no, no, no, no,

not this time.
No, no, no, come on.

Get it back, get it back,
get it back.

Get it back. Yes, yes,

yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Ohhh. Got it back.

Come on, old girl.

This big fella's coming through.

Come on!

Oh, a bit of a lock-up.

BLEEP! I let him through.

Whoa.

Didn't really think
that was gonna happen.

Got thumped out the way.

Come on, keep going, keep working.

I can stay with them,
but I can't catch them.

Bit of oversteer there.

P-3. I'll take that.

I'll take that.

Wow. Wonder where the others are.

There we go.

Tell you what,

concentrated so hard, jeez!

Woooo!

Wow, that was sketchy.

That...

...was trucking.

CHEERING

That was intense.

That was intense. It was, it was.

But, congratulations, Chris Harris,

a podium on your very first outing!

Go on, Chrissie!

CHEERING

They were not messing about.

I had many more love taps
than I expected.

They were, they were aggressive.
They really were.

So we set out to learn more
about the trucking life.

We certainly did that.
We got the full experience,

all the highs and all the lows.

We did indeed, and when
everything's going well,

trucking's great.
You're king of the road.

But as soon as the weather turns,
it's a different story.

Oh, the wind.

Yeah, the wind, yeah.

Jeez. And it has changed
how I see trucks on the road.

Now, every time I see one,
I think, "Big respect."

Absolutely.

Yeah, hats off to the truckers,
that is a tough job.

It is indeed,
and if anyone wants

a couple of disused military
helicopters shifting,

give us a call!
That's it for tonight.

We'll be back next week,
when Chris drives

a very fast Maserati,

Fred drives a very futuristic
pick-up truck,

and I drive
a cheap old Honda Civic.

Living the dream.

Thanks so much for watching.
See you, then, goodnight.

CHEERING