Top Gear (2002–…): Season 25, Episode 1 - Episode #25.1 - full transcript

The series kicks off with Matt LeBlanc, Chris Harris and Rory Reid taking a motorsports road trip across America's Wild West, in the latest V8 sports cars from McLaren, Jaguar and Ford. Rob Brydon tackles the Top Gear track in the Reasonably Fast Car.


CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, and welcome to Top Gear.

Thank you! Thank you, thank you,
thank you...

And thank YOU in particular, yes.

All right, we are back

and we have been busy driving
a whole lot of cars.

Here's what we've got coming up
for you in this series.

Who says we don't do
serious car reviews?

Here!

Noooo!

Whoohoo! How good is that?!

Scare me! Scare you?!

Scare me! I'm trying!

That's what I'm talking about!

Yahoo!

That, my friend, is panache.

CAR ALARM WAILS

Imola!

Incoming car.

Come on!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

All that to look forward to
over the next six weeks, OK?

But first up,

you ask any car lover what their
favourite noise in the world is,

and they will immediately say...

The V8 engine.

Exactly.

And with this year being,
as you all know,

the 116th anniversary
of the V8 car...

The big 116!

..we decided it was time
for a little celebration.

Yeah, so the producers told us three
each to pick a new V8 sports car

that could do anything.

And head to America's Wild West
for a mystery road trip.

The United States -

spiritual home of the V8 and land
of the great American road trip.

Ours would begin
at a remote location in Utah,

where we'd been told to show up
with the best all-around sports car

we could find, powered by that most
iconic of all engines.

ENGINE PURRS

Yeah, baby.

And since I had the home advantage,

I took the producer's brief and...
well, I nailed it.

The Ford Mustang.

The original American V8
performance icon, huh?

And this isn't just any
Ford Mustang -

no, no, no, no, no, no.

This is the raciest Mustang Ford
makes, the GT350R.

Carbon fibre wheels, a 5.2-litre V8
motor that makes 520 horsepower.

Only this one...doesn't.

Because in the finest Mustang
tradition of taking a fast thing

and making it even faster,

this particular GT350R

has been lightly enhanced
by a man from Texas.

A man called Mr Hennessey.

DISTANT ENGINE
Oh. Ssh, ssh. OK, here we go.

And while I had embraced the V8
brief and used my imagination...

Oh, yeah! That's right.

..it appeared Rory...hadn't.

The Jaguar F-Type SVR.

Yeah. Yeah, isn't this great?

I mean, you brought a V8 muscle car,
I brought a V8 muscle car.

No, no. No.

No, I brought a V8 muscle car,
you brought...

..a Jaguar.

Well, this is Britain's answer
to the muscle car.

We had a look at your rough sketch
and we refined it.

This is muscle car 2.0.

How much power does it make?

575 horsepower.

Wow, impressive! Yeah. Wow!

How about yours?

I don't know, really.
I don't know. Mustang...

What do you mean you don't know?

This is a supercharged version.

Wait a minute -
is this the Hennessey?

Is it? This thing makes
850 horsepower!

Does it?!

Ooh!

Lucky me!

Then along came Chris...

Well, well, well.

..with HIS idea of a
great all-rounder.

Absolute shambles.

4 million miles of paved road
in America,

and they tell us to meet
in a pit full of rocks.

Worse still, it sounded like
a 1980s arcade.

DOOR CHIMES

Gentlemen! Behold the McLaren 570GT.

How's the, er, ground clearance?

Absolutely terrible.

When they said "road trip,"

I thought it might involve
actual roads.

Chris, this is the Wild West.

You've got to be prepared
for anything!

Well, I suppose I am,

because this is basically two cars
for the price of one, isn't it?

On the one hand, it is still
a proper supercar, crazy fast.

But it's also a comfortable GT car.

In fact it's three cars -
check this out...

It's also an estate car!

Look at this!

Wow. You could seriously fit
a couple of sheets of A4 in there.

And not that flimsy stuff,
I'm talking about the thick...

The stuff you use, like,
for a cover page, the good stuff?

We're supposed to be celebrating the
evolution, OK,

of the V8 sports car. Right.

You've brought a car that
desperately wants it to be 1965.

Yeah. And you've also brought a car

that desperately wants it
to be 1965.

So...? I'm in the present day,
you're in the past,

as is confirmed by your shirt.

Right. What are you laughing at?
Let's not get on shirts!

LAUGHTER
Let's not get on shirts!

I look good! You do look good.

You look... You're on fire.
I've never seen a label

riveted to a T-shirt before.

That's remarkable, that is.

But before we could get to the
bottom of who looked least awful,

a local turned up
in an old Ford pick-up.

Ooh, that sounds a bit V8-y,
what's that?

They do burble nicely, V8s,
don't they?

Burble, burble.

How are you? Here you go.

Oh, thank you. Nice ride.

OK. "You and your V8 sports cars
will now drive

"to America's fastest race track
on the Nevada border.

"Along the way, you will undertake
a series of challenges

"to discover which of your V8s
is best."

So, with the Nevada border
a couple of days ahead of us,

we had some road to cover.

But, of course, first,
that meant finding it.

This is the quintessential American
V8 right here, the Mustang.

HE WHINNIES

Oh, yeah!

Buying it is just the start.

Then you get busy giving it more
power, bigger brakes,

probably even more power.

It's the American way!

The 570GT is the most relaxed car
that McLaren makes, right?

It's got softer suspension
and it's quieter on the road -

or at least it would be
if I was on a road!

CLATTER
Oh!

Oh-ho-ho!

ENGINE ROARS

There is a very good reason
why I chose the Jaguar F-Type SVR.

I chose this because it has
all-wheel drive,

and that means it's ready
for anything.

It's unflappable.

Suave.

Like me.

But soon, it was time to find out

just how unflappable
our V8s really were...

..because getting out of this valley
would take a bit of a climb.

This looks like a very bad idea.

Dear Lord!

One mistake up here,
and you're looking at

a very, very painful accident.

Look at the remnants
of that car there!

But none of that seemed to trouble
the cowboy and his Mustang.

Careful, Matt,
what the hell are you doing?!

HE LAUGHS

Coming round the top, boys!

Whoo!

Supposed to be a road trip!

God, look what we've just come up!

That would be a beautiful death!

With the valley behind us,
waiting at the top...

Hey, a paved road! Look at this!

Yes!

Finally, our V8s
could stretch their legs.

This is where the real test begins.

Ho-ho!

Whoo!

ENGINE ROARS

HE LAUGHS

Do you hear that, boys?

That is the sound of
an American V8 in the wild -

the greatest noise in the world!

I don't mean to be pernickety here,

but that's not
an American V8, really,

is it, Matt? Because that's
a flat-plane V8 sound,

and most American V8s
are cross-plane V8s,

so what you've got there
is a European V8

in an American body shell.

That's about as American
as Silvio Berlusconi!

Who is she?

HE LAUGHS

This is the coupe version of the car
that I drove from Coventry to Geneva

a couple of years ago.

At the time, I said that was
the fastest Jaguar ever,

but that's not quite true,

because THIS is
the fastest Jag ever.

This will do 200mph.

The fixed roof actually improves
top speed by 5mph.

It's the same reason Chris Harris
is so fast.

It's all down to his dome!

Most supercars, they're a pain
to live with, they really are.

But the 570GT, it just isn't.

This car is supple,
it's comfortable,

it's practical, and on this road...

I'm in the firm suspension setting
now - if I go to comfort...

Oh, yes! Oh, yes!

Whoa!

Oh, that McLaren is quick!

Hey, Chris, what's the 0-60 on that?

About three and a half seconds.

About the same as mine.

Matt? Yeah, about three and a half
seconds maybe.

Maybe less, I don't know,

right around there. OK, OK -
how about a shoot-out?

A what? Take the next left.
Next left.

And suddenly we were off-road again.

Oh, you're going to love this.

There's nothing about this
I'm going to love.

Right, here's how
this is going to work.

Quickest on the draw,
like in those old cowboy films.

When I say go, you two head off,

opposite directions,
slow as you can,

but no touching the brakes.

When I come on the radio and say
draw,

spin around and head back.

First one across the line
is the winner.

This is completely childish.

You don't have to play.

Oh, I'm going to play.

Yeah, I'm going to win as well.

Buffalo LeBlanc, you ready?

Ready.

Crazy Eyes Harris, are you ready?

Crazy Eyes, who has...?

Stupid nicknames. Yeah, I'm ready!

Three, two...

..one...

Go!

He's not even moving!

Two can play at that game, LeBlanc.

I saw brake lights, Harris.

No brakes.

A duel in the dirt -

this is basically what this car
was designed to do.

He's got a locking differential.

He can turn on a sixpence if he just
does a little half-doughnut,

whereas I can't.

Curse you, McLaren, and your lack
of locking differentials!

V8 muscle car is a tool, as good
or as bad as the man handling it.

Remember that.

SPITTOON PINGS

Yeah.

I'm going to get over
to one side now.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Come on, come on, come on, come on,
say it, say it, say it!

Draw!

Ho-ho!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Yes, baby!

Chris is the winner! Ha-ha-ha!

Damn it, he got me!

Oh!

Oh! Chris has taken it!

Chris, in the McLaren!

Well done, mate.
HE COUGHS

Thanks for that! Cheers!

HE SPLUTTERS

So, with the Mustang
out of the game,

would the Jag be any quicker
on the draw?

OK, Crazy Eyes Harris,
are you ready?

I'm ready. Rory...

Odd Taste In Clothing -
are you ready?

Never been readier!

Three, two, one...

Go!

OK, we're off.

Oh, he's had to creep away
faster than me.

Man, this is so counterintuitive.

I've got 570-odd horsepower

and I can only use
about three right now!

Who will it be?

Four-wheel drive, a massive
advantage for him

when it comes to heading
back towards the finish line.

But I'm not convinced that he can
turn as well as me,

cos I can spin turn, and he can't.

All right, come on, Reid, come on,
come on, come on.

He's moving to one side...
Get ready, get ready, get ready.

And draw!

Come on! Come on, baby!

Made it!

Oh-ho-ho!

Whoo! Come on!

Oh, I think I got duffed up there.

Rory by a mile!

I think, yes, an actual mile!

Oh! Ha-ha!

That, gentlemen, is what you call
a spectacular win.

Here it comes. I just beat
a McLaren, in a Jag!

I didn't stand a chance.

All-wheel drive Jag -
wasn't going to beat that.

You were gone.

HE LAUGHS

Are you doing the dance IN the car?

Yeah, a little bit. A little bit.

Just to confirm, er,
I'm not done winning.

Right.

So, as Rory took winning the
challenge he'd just made up

with his typical good grace...

Oh, it feels good to be a winner!

..we got back on the road.

The Jaguar F-Type.

Know what that says about you, Rory?

What does it say about me?

It says you couldn't afford
an Aston Martin. Oh!

HE CHUCKLES

Soon, we were told to head to
a mystery location

for our first proper tribute
to the V8.

What is this place?

I don't know.
But it looks kind of creepy.

Who's he? It appears to be
a challenge, gentlemen.

Thank you. It says here,

"The V8 sports car can trace its
roots back to the prohibition era,

"when moonshine runners needed speed
and performance to evade the police.

"To prove the speed and performance
of your V8s,

"you will now each run a crate of
moonshine to the state line."

So, this tribute to the V8 moonshine
runners of old

would be a chase through
a sprawling industrial complex,

finishing at a hastily knocked
together...

..border post.

"PS - get a move on.

"As soon as Officer Block finishes
his doughnut,

"he'll be in hot pursuit."

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Officer Block?

Ken Block?!

Yes. Because no chase would be
complete without a bit of company,

we'd be pursued by legendary
Sheriff of the Slide,

Ken Block.

My buddy!

Me and Ken, we go way back!
Yeah! K-Dog! K-Money! Big-K...

Special-K is what I call him.

Very heart-warming story, Matt,

but Officer Block appears to have
turned to the dark side.

He's a member of the law now. Let's
load up and get out of here, OK?

Copy that. Shine time!

Go, go, go, go, go!

Are you ready? Hit it! Go!

POLICE SIREN

Which way are we going?

This is sketchy.

He's coming!

He's right behind you, Rory!

With the pursuit gathering momentum,

it seemed like a good opportunity
to assess our cars' handling.

Ah, this four-wheel drive
is perfect for this!

This thing just grips!

I can throw it into a corner,
get on the power super early...

..and it just goes!

God, this thing is so fast.

But it's small and it's nimble.

That's what McLaren is all
about, it's about handling.

I've got handling to spare here.

One-handage!
One-handed shine escape!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

BOTTLES CLINK

It's got so much grip!

And the steering is like a razor.

So aggressive.

OK...

I mean, I don't like running
from the law, but...

..this is awesome!

Whoa!

Go, Chris - go, go, go!
He's right behind me!

SIREN WAILS

Man, this guy really
wants my moonshine!

All right, we've got to lose him,
you guys.

We need to split up. Rory,
you go right, we'll go left.

Go right, go right.
Good idea, good idea.

No, no, no, no.
Bad idea, bad idea!

How do I get out, how do I get out?

Argh!

Hey, Ken.

You know what rhymes with block?
C...

Oh-ho-ho...
Harris, where are you going?

SIREN WAILS

Relentless.

REVERSE ALARM BEEPING

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

Hey, buddy!

Whoa!

That's not friendly at all.

How far have I got to go?
Where is he?

Oh, my Lord.

He's so much quicker than me.
He can go across the grass, I can't.

Oh, my God!

Oh, ho-ho!

I can see a border!

Oh, it's sketchy,
the tyres are going.

Get through the border,
get through the border...

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK, we'll pick that up
later in the show.

But now it's time to put
a star in our reasonably fast car.

He's one of Britain's
best loved comedians,

he's had a number one hit single,

and, most impressively,

once owned a Mitsubishi Carisma.

And earlier today, he got some
training out on the track

with Mr Charisma himself,

Chris Harris.

Yeah, I've missed you.
Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome to the sofa
Rob Brydon.

Hello. Hello.

Nice to see you. Hello.
How are you, buddy?

Nice to see you, Rob.
Great to meet you. Welcome, welcome.

Cheers. Thank you. Thank you.

All right. Now you've driven round
the track here before,

how did you like the new GT 86?

Before we say anything else,

it's soaking wet.

It is wetter than the worst day

of Noah and Mrs Noah
when they're saying,

"Have we got enough wood?" That is
so wet. It was wet, wasn't it?

It was wet. So, the time
is not going to be great, Matt.

So you're saying it's wet.

It was moist!

OK. And how was Chris as a teacher?

He's, yeah, I mean,
an acquired taste, you know.

You know that saying?
Oh, you don't have to tell me!

Yeah. No, he was good. He was good.

Right. OK. Well, let's take
a look at how the training went,

what do you think?

I've never noticed before,
at the start...

Yeah? You see the ambulance
and the fire thing.

We always keep those there just to
remind you

of the importance of your own
safety. All right, count me down.

OK. Three, two, one, go.

It's a great launch.

And we're going to the left of those
tyres. Left, left, left, left.

What? Oh, BLEEP. Left of those tyres
there. What? LEFT of those tyres?

Yeah, right now, right now,
right now.

What are you talking about?
Right! Go right there. Where?

Right there. There?!
Yeah, turn... What, by the...?

By the aeroplanes?
No, no, before the aeroplanes.

Did you do the medical
before you came on?

Shut up. Left here now, left here.

There's, there's your two white
lines. And then to the right. Oh!

Now it's coming back.
Now it's flowing.

Oh, Lord Almighty, we're fast.

OK, left here, left here.

Oh, oh, oh!
HE CHUCKLES

Fourth. Fourth, fourth, fourth.

Fourth. That's sixth. That's sixth.
Really, you want to be fourth here?

That's sixth, that's sixth,
that's sixth. Oh. That's second.

LAUGHTER
That's fourth!

We've got to fourth. That's good,
you've got some feel for this now,

haven't you? Oh, lordy.
But can you feel... Whoa!

I'm not sure you know how
close you are

to a massive accident.
ROB LAUGHS

But let's just go through here...
Oh, sugary!

Oh. I don't like that.

That is scary.

Full beans, full beans,
over the line.

Over the line!
That is so frustrating.

I want your honest opinion...

Yeah... ..on the level of support
you've received

during your training.
Very poor. Very poor.

I would say my coach is more
interested in himself

than in his young...

his young apprentice.

Well, I don't know.

Looks like you did pretty good
considering it's a lake out there.

But cars are in your blood,
your dad sold cars?

Yeah, my dad was a car salesman.
So when I grew up in south Wales,

in Port Talbot, he'd often bring
different cars back every day.

So I got used to seeing these
different ones

coming back and forth to the house.

And then years later,
he worked for Mitsubishi.

Hence the Carisma.

Ah, there it is. Is that known
as being a very bad car, then?

Oh, it's terrible. Is it?

Yeah. Oh, is that it?

That's it right there. Look at the
way the indicator on the left

isn't flush with the headlight,
but the one on the right is.

You see? I mean,
they couldn't even be bothered

to get a good one
for the press photo.

I think, I think what you're
encountering here

for the first time, Chris,

is called perspective.

Ah!

You know how on the left side,
it looks bigger?

Yeah, it's just closer.

OK. And what do you drive now?

At the moment, I have a Jaguar XJ,
and a Land Rover Discovery.

Oh, dear. The new one?
Oh, dear. Yeah, what's the problem?

What have I done now?!
The new Discovery?

Yeah. So you've seen it? Oh, boy.

You've seen it from the outside?
Oh, you're talking...?

I know, I noticed. You've opened
a can of worms... The back of it.

I'm talking about all of it.
Let's start with the sides.

We'll leave the worst bit till last.
The sides are OK.

What's wrong with that?
Look how much metal there is

above the rear wheel. Look at it.
Is that an issue for normal people?

It is!
LAUGHTER

Let's move round to the back.

Now, look at the lack
of symmetry here.

Yeah, I agree. So, they designed
the whole thing,

at the last minute
someone's run in and gone,

"We've got to put the
number plate somewhere!"

So they've just slapped it there.

And the design inspiration for it,
here we go.

LAUGHTER

It's designed as an homage
to Geoffrey Boycott's mouth.

It... It is curious, but sometimes
innovation startles us at first.

It does, it does.
Where do you stand?

Er... Well, I think it's hideous.

The Trip. Let's talk about The Trip.
Yes. Yeah. Tell us about The Trip.

Oh, I'm a huge fan.
Who's a fan of The Trip here?

AUDIENCE: Yeah.

It's fantastic.
Thank you very much. Thank you.

Very funny. We drove...
Does that bring back good memories?

Yeah, that was The Trip To Italy,
which was the second one.

Why choose a Mini Cooper
convertible?

Oh! The Mini was... That was lovely.

Especially, you know, you had
a lot of windy country roads,

especially on the Amalfi coast.

It was lovely to drive.
In fact, I liked it so much,

I actually bought one
when we came back.

Ooh. What?! What's wrong with that?

Why would you do that? Cos it was...
It was a really nice drive.

Was it like that rose you have
when you go on holiday?

You know, the four euro rose.

And it's great when you're there...

And you crack a bottle open
three weeks later back in the UK,

and it tastes like vinegar.
It's not... It's not quite the same

driving it around Twickenham,

or, you know, as it was
on the Amalfi coast,

but no, look, I'm going to...
It was a lovely car. One question.

Do you still own it? No.

How long did you own it for?

I don't know, I had it for a year
and a bit, something like that.

Why so long?

LAUGHTER

I think it's time to see your lap.

Ah. Let's move on to that.

Can I... Did I mention it was wet?
You did mention it was wet.

But you had fun? Oh...

It's a blast, right?
It's fantastic. It's really fun.

OK, let's take a look.

Hey, you know what, why don't
you commentate on it?

OK, all right. Here we go.

Well, perfect conditions
for the youthful Rob Brydon.

It's a nice start.

Oh-ho-ho-ho!

Something is flashing
on the dashboard.

I don't know what it means.

That classic Roman profile gripping
the wheel with assuredness

and a strange sensuality.

And he takes that corner with ease.

Look at the way he's going.

And have you noticed it's wet?

Ooh, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo...

Difficult corner, difficult corner,

difficult to see
the white lines there,

but he's done it beautifully.

The inquest heard that although
he took the corner smoothly,

Brydon hadn't anticipated the...

..group of nuns visiting
the aerodrome.

He took out six of them.

Thoughts with the families.

Yes, you don't want to hear
the word "inquest" in your head

when you're doing this lap.

I have to say, Gav, it's a lot
quicker than the Picasso.

This bit, now, I think I got speed
up here, and look at that.

That's not bad, is it?

This looks narrower...

..every time you go through it!

BLEEP!

Oh, bloody hell. That was scary.

Oh, Robert! There's no need
for that sort of language,

you BLEEP idiot.

Oh, you...! Damn it.

And he comes now to his jinx,
his nemesis, this penultimate...

Oh, no, he didn't. That was the end!

CHEERING

That shows you how well
I know the course, right?

That's wet. Ah.

I've never seen it that wet.

That's monsoon conditions.

I've never seen it that wet.

Well, there we are, then,
whatever the time was...

Well, I have it right here. Ah.

What do you think? I just want
to beat Tinie Tempah, really.

You do? I just feel
in the world of rap,

I feel Tinie is always, you know,

threatening my territory.

So, I just want to let him know.
I'm a big rap star in this country,

you wouldn't know this, Matt,
but, er, I want to beat him.

It was definitely wetter for you
than it was for Tinie.

I think we're going to call
your time, not just with a W,

we're going to put a VW.

VW, thank you. Very wet, yeah.

Thank you. OK, Rob Brydon,
are you ready?

Mmm-hmm. You went around the track
in one minute...

..50...

Oh, for heaven's sake, so I'm
already down the bottom section.

..point...five.

So I'm just...!
Oh! It's tough! Sorry, boss.

Great effort. Yeah, well, I tried.
It was very wet.

I tried. It was very, very wet.
Ladies and gentlemen, Rob Brydon.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Fantastic, thanks so much. Ah...

Earlier on, you remember we were
celebrating the V8 engine

with a classic American road trip.

We'd escaped from a big pit,

staged a good old-fashioned
Wild West shoot out

and had a run-in with the law.
Standard road trip stuff.

Now it's time to head back to Utah
and pick up the story.

The next morning,
we were back on the road again.

And heading towards our destination
on the Nevada border,

we had time to reflect on what we
were really here to celebrate.

There's a personality about the V8

that no other engine configuration
can match, OK?

A V12 is the most exotic
engine configuration.

If you say I've got a V12,

you think of the most expensive,
exotic Italian supercars.

If you think, got a V6,
you're better than ordinary,

but ultimately you're
not the really fast model.

If you say your car's got a V8

it automatically makes it sound like
it's... It's the one you want.

Petrol engines are dying out,
there's no debate about that.

And I can see pros and cons to that.

But it really would be a shame
to lose the V8.

For me...

..the V8 is sacred.

I remember when I was a kid,
I was 16 and a half, and my cousin,

he had saved up his money
to buy a car.

And he bought a 1968 Chevy Camaro
with a 327 V8 in it.

So I had my license before him,

and he really wanted to drive
the car but he couldn't.

So I talked him into,
"Well, let's take the car out.

"I'll drive."

It was like my first
experience with a V8.

That thing was great.

By the time he got his licence,
the transmission needed a rebuild

cos I beat the BLEEP out of it.

You're welcome.

Eager to continue
our V8 celebration,

we were told to head
to a local racetrack.

Rocky Mountain Raceways.

An oval circuit,
which could only mean one thing...

..Nascar.

Wow! You know where we are?

Where? It was 1957,

the final race of the Nascar season.

Bubba Passwater's got to finish
third to secure the title.

OK, on the last lap, he's third
coming out of the final corner,

right over there. As he gets onto
the straightaway, he gets tapped,

he corrects, clips the wall - boom!

The car goes up in a ball of flames.

He is out of control.
He spins across the line backwards,

takes the title by a single point.

Really? No, I have no idea
where we are.

Luckily, a local man
on a golf buggy did.

Here we go.

Hello. Hello. Hello.

There you go. Thank you very much.

ENGINE STRUGGLING

Ooh... Ooh!

It's a challenge. "In a tribute
to America's favourite motorsport,

"you will each attempt to set the
fastest time over five flying laps."

And we'd each get some help
from the real deal.

Born back in the '40s,

when moonshine runners
took their outlaw V8s

and started to race them...

..70 years on,

Nascar remains America's
most popular V8 motor sport.

Big on noise...

..if a little short on variety.

Wait, wait, so let me
get this straight.

We just go up there, take a left...

There. And then what, it's a left?
Over there.

Rory... And then left...
..these are simple people, OK?

You've met Matt. Let's go.
Come on. He's right.

That's cold.

For this Nascar-inspired test,

we would each be timed over
five laps of the track.

For the first two laps,

we would pick up some extra speed
by slipstreaming the pace car

before overtaking for a three-lap
sprint to the finish.

I'll try and explain it.

The car in front is bashing
a great big hole in the air, OK?

So you nudge in behind that car,
you get the benefit of that hole.

So you've got less air resistance,
ergo, you travel faster.

That's quick. That's loud.
THEY LAUGH

I've got to judge when to duck out
to get my maximum aero advantage.

Time it right,
and it's called the slingshot.

I'm going!

It's quite physical.

You have to really brace yourself.

Whoa!

That...is tiring.

So, with Chris having demonstrated
the theory...

..Rory was up next.

I'm following a Nascar.

Dear Lord.

When Jaguar developed
the F-type SVR,

do you think they thought about
bringing it to an oval in Utah?

Probably not.

Wait for it, wait for it,
wait for it, wait for it.

And once he cleared the pace
car... NOW!

..Rory found driving round
in circles

much more difficult than he thought.

OK, late apex, late apex.

That's got to be the secret, right?

Oh, that's too high.

Turn it in, turn it in, turn it in.

He's just added about a quarter
of a mile to his lap there.

But what he lacked in technique...

Bravery, bravery, bravery.

..he made up for in recklessness.

That is close to the wall!
That is close to the wall.

Whoa!

Yes!

Oh, my God!

Now I'm no mind-reader,

but it seemed like he was pleased
with his run.

That was quite
a proficient doughnut.

Finally, it was time to unleash
the 850-horsepower beast.

Which was a bit of a handful.

The thing has got so much power
that I don't dare pin it

until I get it straightened out.

All right, here he goes, I'm going.

That sounds fantastic. Mega.

The grip in the front end
of this thing is awesome.

It's like King Kong.

Well, it sounded good. It did.

I mean, look at him.
He's just been following a Nascar,

he's in a hopped-up Mustang,
in Utah, on a short oval -

he's basically in American heaven,
isn't he?

Give that man a foot-long wiener
and he's complete.

Ah, this must be the times!

Here we go. Bring it.

Thank you. Yeah, go back that way,
it's easier.

"Matt LeBlanc.
You did it in one minute...

"30.6.

"Rory. You did it in one minute...
30...

"..one..."

It might get better. "..point four."

So, it doesn't.
You got closer to him.

I gotcha. But you did have 200 more
horsepower than me, but well done.

Oh, God, here we go, here we go.

Yeah, yeah. "Chris Harris." Come on.

"You did it..." Come on.

"..in one minute..."

Come on. What do you want
to do for dinner? Just...!

"Chris Harris, you did it
in one minute..."

Yep, next word, next word.

"..20..." Yes! "..8.1."

Congratulations. Yes! Way to go.

You see? Mr McLaren.
Upholding Woking's honour.

Said no-one ever.

THEY LAUGH

Well done, well done. Thank you.

Congratulations. I'm pleased with
that. Now... "Your prize

"is to take part in one of America's
most exciting race events..."

Do I get to drive that?

"..chain car figure of eight
racing."

What? What? Chain car figure
of eight racing.

Says it right there. What's that?
How do I know?

Let me see those times.
I don't want to do it.

But you have to. I don't want to.

But you have to.
Well, I don't want to.

But you have to. So I have to...
I don't HAVE to do anything!

I'm sitting in a 1977 Pontiac

wondering why on earth I tried
to win that last challenge,

cos this is not a prize,
this is a punishment.

Yes! Figure of eight racing -

the greatest motorsport
we'd just heard of.

Three cars chained together

racing around a track
shaped like the number eight.

Which, of course, means a crossover
in the middle.

Better still,
with Harris in the rear car,

only controlling the brakes,

and the middle car
just an empty shell,

the driver in the front car would be
in charge of both the steering

and the acceleration.

So, it was essential that Chris
had a responsible,

safety-conscious team-mate.

SABINE: Hey, buddy!

Oh, God, no. Let's smash some stuff!

No, let's not smash some stuff,
Sabine!

Lining up on the grid,

and with Chris still adjusting
to his new role...

Brake, Harris! Yeah.

Oh, boom. Sorry.

..Team Top Gear would be
starting at the back of the field.

This is ridiculous, it really is.

One of those cars is a hearse!

Perfect.
SHE LAUGHS

She just sounds demented.

Woohoo! It's on!

Go, go, go, go!

Apparently it would be
a six-lap race,

assuming, that is,
they'd last that long.

Whoa, Harris!

What's she doing?

Oh, my God!

Whoo! I've been in a car
with Sabine,

and it was one of the scariest
things I've ever done,

but I think this tops it.

Oh! Ow! Ow!

Nevertheless, by the end of
the first lap,

Sabine had somehow dragged them
up to fifth place.

Yeah! You're all right, Chris,
hang in there.

It looks like she knows
what she's doing.

No, we don't know. We don't.

But then...

Oh, my...
SABINE SCREAMS

Ow!

Whoa!

Scheisse!

Snared up by another chain car,

the rest of the field
started to pull away.

And by the time Sabine
broke them free...

Yeah!

Nice move, Sabine, way to go!

..the rest of the pack
were half a lap ahead.

Which, in figure of eight racing,
is a bit of a problem.

Ow!

Whoo!

Ow! Oh, my God.

This is the worst thing
I've ever done.

Unfortunately for Chris, though,

Sabine is no quitter.

Brake, Harris.

Whoo! Yeah! We got them!

Go, go, go, go, go, go!

Ow! Oh, my God!

And by now, the competition were
having problems of their own.

Oh! There's a wreck up there.
Whoa, Harris!

I can't see anything.

This is terrifying.

THEY LAUGH

With two laps to go, Sabine had
clawed them back up to fourth.

But things were about to get uglier.

Ow! Chris, where are you?

BLEEP!

Oh, not again.

Ow! This is carnage.

This is awesome!

Entering the final lap,
Sabine could sense a podium finish.

Yeah! I do! I do! I do!

And with just the final corner left,

she'd go through
the hearse to get it.

On three! Not through there, Sabine!

Not through there!

Whoo! Yes!

Push, push, push!

Yeah! Way to go! Way to go! Whoo!

Go, go, go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go!

Yeah! Woohoo!

Chequered flag. You're in third.
Way to go! Way to go! Way to go!

Woohoo! Yee-ha!

SHE LAUGHS

CHRIS GROANS

Chris, good job!
Are you still there?

Just.

You total lunatic.

SHE LAUGHS

With Chris choosing
not to stick around

to see what the prize
for third place was,

we got back on the road.

I think the greatest thing America
has given to planet Earth

is chain car racing. That was great.

It's one of our proudest moments,
really.

Sensing Chris didn't wholly agree,

and I hate seeing
the little guy upset,

I had an idea to cheer him up.

Hey, you know what?
I've got a game we could play.

It's called Nascar or Nas-can't.

So, I'm going to say a name and you
tell me if it's a real Nascar driver

or just someone that I've made up.

OK?

OK.

How about Lake Speed?

That sounds more like a place
than a person.

That's a real Nascar driver.

Lake Speed is Nascar driver?

Yes, it is. How about Dick Trickle?

THAT'S a real Nascar driver.

He's real, yeah.
OK, here's another one.

Patty Grossman.
Yeah, he sounds very Nascar.

That's my mother!

LAUGHTER

With Harris feeling better,
soon we all had a reason to smile.

Because our goal
at the Nevada border...

..was finally within reach.

Oh, I know where we're going.

I think I know where
we're going too.

Yeah...

Where are we going?

I think we're headed to Bonneville.

America's fastest race track.

For over a century,
pilgrims of extreme speed

have been drawn here
from all over the world...

..to 46 square miles of pristine
unbroken salt flats.

This is where the 300,
the 400, the 500,

even the 600mph land speed
barriers were broken.

This...is Bonneville.

I can't believe I'm here.

As we pulled onto the salt, though,

the dry lake bed
did have a bit of a problem.

Oh, no.

Well, this is...moist.

Freak rain had blown in,
flooding the flats

and washing away any chance
of a top speed run.

What the hell?

I'm absolutely gutted.

I've waited 30-odd years
to come to the Mecca of speed

and when I finally get here

it's a lake.

What are we going to do?

Hi.

How are you? Good. Thank you.

Sorry. Hey, it's not your fault.

Or is it?

No, no. OK. "Chin up.

"Your celebration of V8s
isn't over yet.

"Just up the road is a race track

"where your new final challenge
awaits."

But it's not Bonneville, is it?

Well, yeah, but it's a racetrack, so
at least we'll be able to go fast.

Well, it's got to be
better than this.

Yeah. Come on.

Really? So that was Bonneville?

35 years waiting, and I stand
in front of a puddle and go again.

Well, you can get in if you want.

Gutted.

I suppose I've now got

one of the worst Bonneville stories
of anyone I know.

Rory, how are you feeling about it?

Yeah, I wanted to smash through
that 200mph barrier in this thing,

but it wasn't to be. What is
the top speed of that car, Rory?

Just over 200.

How about you? What is it exactly?

200.

So, how exactly were you going to
"smash through" the 200mph barrier?

I was hoping for a bit
of a tailwind.

Good answer.

But then, just up the road...

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look at this.

..Chris spotted an opportunity.

I'm turning in here.
Follow me in here. Come on.

Dude, the sign says
"no trespassing."

An open gate is an invitation,

and I have an itch to scratch.

Oh, yeah.

We'd stumbled across a very quiet,
very long runway.

This looks great.

All right, so what are we thinking?

Drag race? Yes, please!

It's time to let the big dog eat.

Here we go. Here we go.

How much power have you got again?

850 horsepower.

You may have 850, but I want to know
how much you can use in the first

three gears. What are you saying?

You can use more of your power
than I can use of mine?

I can use all of my power
in the first three gears.

I don't think you can use
even a small percentage of yours,

and hopefully by the time you get
going, I'm gone.

I'll tell you what, Chris,

you pull out yours and I'll pull out
just enough to beat you.

HE LAUGHS

All right, are we doing this,
or what?

OK, I'll call it. We go on "go."

Three, two...

..one, go.

Oh, the Jag is gone!

I'm winning! I'm winning!

Whoo! I'm winning!

OK, no, I'm not.

Bye-bye, Mr Reid.

Where's the yellow car?

That's the one that's worrying me.

There's the red one.

Oh!

OK, 160.

I still can't see the yellow car.

170.

Come on! Hya! Hya! Hya!

199. 201. 203 over the line.

Damn it!

This is the baby McLaren.

This is the Ford Fiesta
of the McLaren range

and it just did 203 and smoked
an 850-horsepower Mustang.

Boy, that McLaren is fast.

So, as we hurried on our way again,

our impromptu drag race
had taught us

that naturally my McLaren
is devastatingly quick,

that Matt's Mustang can't actually
use 850 horsepower,

and that Rory had his own
unique take on the result.

Chris and Matt, do you know what
the speed limit is in the UK?

Yes. It's 70mph,

and I'd like to point out
that in that drag race up to 90mph

the F-Type SVR was in the lead,

therefore, in real-world situations,

this car is quicker than the McLaren

and an 850-horsepower Mustang.

Even by your standards, Rory, you're
fumbling around for a false glory.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm about
300 kilos heavier than that McLaren,

and about the same thing as that
giant fridge on wheels

that you're driving. But I think
I acquitted myself pretty well.

This is a great all-round car.

Yeah, I think I drove by you

like you forgot where
the accelerator was.

Listen, guys, come on, I think this
car did surprise you a little bit.

You might look at
this car and think,

it's no McLaren, it's no Hennessy,
but it's hanging in there.

I wasn't thinking that, no.

THEY LAUGH

And before Rory could come up with
more ways

in which his Jag wasn't as quick,

we reached our V8s'
new final playground.

I see flags. I see flags.

Yeah, I see grandstands.
I see grandstands.

Could this be the scene of another
McLaren victory? I hear you ask.

Could this be the scene of another
McLaren victory? I hear you...

Now we're talking.

Whoo!

Look at the view.

Oh, yeah, look at that!

That is a GT40.

Yeah. That is beautiful.

Yes, the GT40.

1960s icon,

and ground-breaking,
Ferrari-beating,

Le Mans-winning masterpiece.

That is a legendary V8, right there.

Hey, how are you? Oh, cool.
Right on, thank you.

"For your final challenge,
you will now take on

"one of the greatest V8s
of all time." That's true.

That is really true. Which won't
be a problem, I don't think,

because we've got more power,
better brakes, better...

Uh-oh. That changes things.

Does he have the correct visa?

Is he allowed to be here?

Unfortunately, he was.

That is a magnificent sound.

Wow.

The Stig would set a time
for six laps of the circuit,

a time which we would have to
then beat as a team.

Pros and cons.

We have more power,
more modern tyres and brakes.

Cons... He has him. Yeah.

And all too soon,
Stig's six laps were up.

10 minutes 11.4.

OK, that's the combined time
to beat.

So, to pit our V8s against the GT40

we'd be running a relay
of two laps each.

And with a standing start
for the first leg,

we needed the best car for
pure off-the-line acceleration.

All right, Rory, are you ready?

Never been readier.

Three, two...

..one, go!

Whoo!

Sounds quick.

All-wheel drive...

..for the win.

Spot your apex, Reid.
Spot your apex.

There she is.

On that power. Oh, that's good.

So good.

The engine is still making noise.

That's a good sign. This means
that he's not rolled it.

Yes! Yes!

Oh, that's messy, Reid.
Come on, tidier, tidier.

All right, so, I need
a 1:42 average lap time.

Yeah, he's kind of missed that one.
He's overcooked that one.

Oh, no, this is looking like a 1:45.

Argh!

Focus, Rory. Focus. Focus. Focus.
I'm focusing! I'm focusing!

Come on, Rory. Here he comes.

You should get in the car, maybe.

Oh. I don't know if this
is good enough.

I don't know.

Come on, guys. Come on, guys.

Here we go. Come on.

Go, go, go, go, go!

Push, Harris! Push!

Two laps down,
and Rory's run in the Jag

had left us six seconds
off the pace.

To beat the GT40...

Smooth, Chris. Smooth!

..Chris and his McLaren
needed their A-game.

This is a car that was doing 200mph
in a straight line

but it's now agile and fast here.

Oh, good line through there. Nice.

Nice! Nice!

Just floor it.

Push, push, push!

OK, that's a 1:38.

We've got a shot here.
OK, that's good.

I'm buying us some time now.

Now just three seconds behind...

All right, Chris, one more clean
one. One more clean one.

..we were back in the hunt.

OK, we're at 5:58, 5:59,
six minutes.

Chris, come on. Push, push, push!

Let's do it for America.
Don't let me down, girl.

Go on, Matt. Go on, Matt.

Come on, Matt. Launch it!

All right, here we go. Here we go.

This was it, the last leg.

And however this tribute to the
greatest of all engines would end...

..at least one thing was certain.

That's it. That's the stuff.

The V8 engine is a fighter, and one
that still packs a serious punch.

Where are we at? 7:30. 7:30.

Are we ahead of time, or..?
We're on the edge.

Come on, baby. Come on.
Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on.

Oh, it's got so much freaking power.

Come on!

All right, last lap.

He's got to do the lap of his life.

Come on, Mustang!

Come on, LeBlanc, give it your best.
I want your best.

Come on, Matt. Push!

There we go. Come on.

That's it, that's it, that's it.

OK, here we go.

Come on!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So, the big question -

did our exquisite array of
state-of-the-art V8 sports cars

open up a can of whupass
on the old days?

Well, we'll never know.
OK, on next week's show...

Hold on, Matthew. What? What?

What? You've got to give them
the answer.

No, I don't got to give them
the answer.

That's why they're here.
They want to know the times.

Come on! Yes.

OK, fine.

We were two seconds slower.

And I'm very disappointed
in you, Chris.

I was quicker than him. Yeah, but
I don't expect anything from him.

What?! OK, that's fair.

Fine. Yeah. But what
we're telling the viewers

is that the best V8 sports car
money can buy

is a 50-year-old V8 sports car
that's not actually for sale?

Exactly, yeah.

And on that essential piece
of consumer advice

we must end the show.

See you next week. Goodnight.
Goodnight.

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