Top Gear (2002–…): Season 24, Episode 7 - Episode #24.7 - full transcript

Matt LeBlanc drives an eight-wheeled rescue vehicle from Ukraine, Rory Reid turns the world's ugliest car into a luxury yacht and Chris Harris reviews the new Porsche Cayman. Jamiroquai frontman Jay Kay is the studio guest.




Hello and welcome to Top Gear.

It's the last episode
of the series.

But don't worry,
because we are really

pushing the boat out
for this one.

Literally. We made a boat
and we pushed it out

-into the sea. Really.

But that's a little later
in the show.

First, a question.

a two-seat sports car.

What do you go for?
Tell 'em, Chris.

Well, unless, you were
completely mad, traditionally,

you'd always
have gone for this,

the Porsche Cayman.
The model sports car.

Pretty much unimprovable.
But now, there's a new Cayman,

and Porsche says
it's even better than before.

CHRIS: Here it is.

It still looks like a Cayman,

but one that's been drawn
with sharper pencils.

It still has the engine
in the middle,

power at the rear,
and it still costs
about £50,000.


It's the same story inside
where, thankfully,

Porsche hasn't messed

with all the things we liked
about the old car.

I've still got three pedals

and this lovely,
wiggly wand-like thing
to change gear.

But if you delve deeper,

you'll find a million
teeny-tiny upgrades.

For starters,
the Cayman's big brother,
the 911,

has given up its steering
and brakes.

The lower rear suspension arms
are from the last generation
Cayman GT4.

The anti-roll bars
are a larger diameter
all around

and the front springs
are now a variable rate.

The rear tyres, well,
they are 12 millimetres wider.

Much of which
is not interesting.

What is interesting,
is more horsepower.

The Cayman S now has
345 of them.

This car will do
naught to 60 miles an hour

in a sneeze
over four seconds.

[CHUCKLES] And it won't
stop accelerating

until you hit
177 miles an hour!



And that extra horsepower
also means something else.

If there was a fault
with the old Cayman,

it's that it didn't have
quite enough power

to explore the limits
of that lovely
mid-engine chassis.

This new one, however...


Oh, yes.

[CHUCKLES] Yes, yes, yes.

It'll do that all day long.

The trouble is,

I'm not enjoying this
as much as I should do.

Allow me to explain.

That there is the old
Cayman S.

normally aspirated engine,

and it sounds like, well,
judge for yourself.


That is engine sound

If you ask Daft Punk
to create intake noise,

it'd sound like that.

But for this new Cayman,

Porsche ditched
the lovely old
six-cylinder engine

for a new, turbo-charged,
four-cylinder engine

and it sounds like...


An old Beetle.

This is a big deal.

Because, I'm sorry,
but the way
a sports car sounds

is a huge part
of its personality.

It's the same as humans.
Voices matter.

I mean, take say,
Rod Stewart
and put him on mute,

and he's just a Scottish bloke
with ladies' hair.

And the reason for this
vocal transplant?

The Cayman needed
a smaller turbo engine

to pass the latest
emissions exams.


Forget sound and soul.

These days,
apparently what's important

is this car will
officially emit 184 grams
of CO2 per kilometre.

But let me show you
how you must drive to achieve
those 184 CO2s

using this rather elegant
piece of equipment
behind me

and some very clever men
over there.

Here we go.

Right, so Chris,
to get the best
MPG lowest CO2,

build up the speed gently.

Lovely. Lovely and sedate.

No, no, no.

MAN: Don't overdo it.
That's probably
a little too fast.

Even back it off
slightly more, I'd say.


CHRIS: Boring. Boring, boring.

CO2 boring.

After a few more
tedious minutes,

I pulled over to find out
my exam results.

Okay boss, how was that?

That was a 184 grams
per kilometre of CO2,

about 35 miles per gallon.


Okay, the reality is
that in the real world,

if you drive
like a normal person
with feet,

no car comes close
to matching its official
emissions figures,

and turbo engines
are the worst offenders.

In fact, in the hands
of any of us lot,

I doubt this engine's
any more efficient

than the one it replaced.

It is a real shame.

The old Cayman wasn't broken

but Porsche has been forced
to fix it anyway.

Now, we've got this
different personality,

and I have to say,
I just don't like it
as much as it was before.

So, the big question now is,

if you're after
a two-seat sports car
for about 50 grand,

what's the alternative?

Hmm. The Alpha 4C.
Look at that.

Carbon fibre tub,
Italian styling.

Build quality of a
Glastonbury tent.
Go away.

Ah. The Jaguar F-Type.

But of course, you want
the super-charged V8 one,

and that's 90 grand,
so I'm afraid, disqualified.

The Lotus Exige.

Perfect, should you
happen to live
at a racing circuit,

which, of course, you don't.

Ooh! The Audi TT RS.

400 horsepower,
turbo-charged engine

and lashings of understeer.

And that really is your lot.

Which leaves us, well,
pretty much back
where we started.

If you've got 50 grand
to spend on a new
sports car,

you should buy a new Cayman.

Even a mildly ruined Cayman
is still better than the rest.

You might want
a pair of these, though.




Great. Nice job.

Nice job. Okay, so...

So, they made it
more powerful,

they made it faster,
they made it cheaper to tax,

all for the same price,
and you don't like it

because it doesn't sound
quite as good as the old car.

Do you think that maybe,
just maybe,

-you're being slightly

I'm really not.
Sound is so important.

-This car,

six-cylinder engine,
it's just musical.

It's the heart of the car.
And the intake noise,

This new version,
turbo charger,

no intake noise,
four cylinders.
It sounds...




You don't get a lot
of parpy these days.

-Okay, one more thing,

I noticed in the film that
you called this

-the Porsche Cayman.

But it isn't, is it?

This is the
Porsche 718 Cayman.

[SIGHS] I refuse
to acknowledge that badge.

What... You can't refuse
to acknowledge it.

It's right there
on the back of the car
and it's pedigree.

The 718 was a Porsche racer
from the '50s, right?

This is Porsche exploiting
its wonderful
motorsport history

for the sake of a...
A badge on a modern car.

-It's terrible!
-Are you done?

-No, but if you...
-Can you try to be done?

-Let's pretend you're done.

-MATT: Okay.

It's time to find out
how quick the new 718

goes around our test track.

And you know what that means.

It's time for...

The Stig.

CHRIS: Off the line.
Looks like a Porsche.
Sounds like a...

Well, it sounds like
a Subaru, doesn't it?

Down there
to the first corner.

Let's have a look at this
'cause the chassis is great.

The Cayman's so well balanced.

He carries great speed in.
Very little understeer.

Using all the track as usual.
The braking stability
into Chicago, just fantastic.

Can he hold a tight line?
Will he...

He'll let it run out a bit
but again, you can tell,

he's got power to play with.

Three hundred
and forty five horsepower,
the amazing thing is

it's a smaller
capacity engine turbocharged.

Has 37 foot pounds
of torque more

than the old Cayman.
So, it's now a monster.

Braking well. Again,
doesn't it look stable?

It's flat. Crisp.

Tight line,
let it run out now.
Look at that.

Just controlled, relaxed.

Heading now down towards
the follow-through.

It's really fast.
Again, competent.

And doesn't it sound
absolutely terrible?

Can you hear it?

Braking into second to last.

Now heading...
Oh, using all the track there,

aggressive... Over Gambon.

And a very impressive,
terrible-sounding lap.


Okay. And...

The Porsche 718 Cayman S

went around in a 1:21.6.

That is seriously respectable.

That's the exact same time
as the Jaguar V8 F-Type.


And the Jaguar V8 F-Type costs

nearly twice as much.

-Yeah, and it sounds
twice as good, too.
-No, you're done.


I'm just gonna say it.

You know what other sports car
you could have for £50,000?

Ford Mustang.
The one with the V8.

Can't argue with the way
that sounds.

No, you can't. No.

All right. Now it is time
to welcome this week's guest.

He's got a lot
of platinum discs,

he's got a lot of cars,

-and he's got a lot of hats.

Please welcome Jay Kay!


-All right there?

[LAUGHS] Have a seat, please.

Oh. Thank you.

MATT: All right, awesome.

Awesome. So, what did you,
er... What did you
drive down in today?

Er, yeah, I flew in, actually.

I flew in.
I avoided the traffic.

So, I flew in a, erm, a R66.

-JAY: Yeah.

Get over the M-25, easy.

Twenty minutes. Job done.

You are like a rock star.
I love it! That's...

-That's what they say.

-MATT: Yeah.

How many cars
in your collection nowadays?

Erm, well, I'm sort of trying
to slim it down. I mean,

it's too many, really.
[CHUCKLES] But it's over 50.


But the amazing this is,
people know that Jay's got,

you know, some top-end stuff.
Enzo and other stuff.

But what I love
is that you are...

You have the same
affliction as me.

You can't help but love
German tat.

Yeah, there's just some
old M3s,

-E30s, there's an old
Rover P6.
-MAN: Whee!

It's got a... See, I heard
a "Whee" there. Look at that.

See? Rover P6, 13,000 miles.

I just love old things that...

You know, that when you were
a kid, you used to see
on the road?

You know,
how can you go wrong?

We know you love your
exotic Italian stuff.

-You're a fan of those.

And your current car
that you drive the most

is Italian.

But it's not exactly exotic,
is it?

Yeah, I have a Fiat Doblo.

-A Doblo?
-JAY: Yeah.

-We've got...
We've got a picture of it.

That is it! That is my Doblo.

Just a quick question.
You could've bought, like,
a Bentley Bentayga,

-a Range Rover...

And you've gone for a Doblo.

You wouldn't catch me dead
in a Bentley Bentayga.


Yeah, but the Doblo
is reliable, it always starts,

it's light, light clutch,
light gearbox,

it's light steering,
you can get stuff in it,

you can get wood in it,
you can get the dog in it.

It's great and it works.
And you know what,
the funny thing is,

you go to Italy and you go up
in the mountains,

in Italy, you know,
up in the northern mountains,

you'll still see Panda 4x4s.

I could never work out
what was the point
of a Panda 4x4.

Then you suddenly realise,
you're up there in the winter,

and you realise that is
the only thing that will go up
those Alpine passes.

-With goats in the back and,
you know...

I want to veer off of cars
for just a second.

-Because you have
a new album out.


MATT: How is it doing?

Well, er, I hear down
the grapevine that it's, erm,

number one worldwide,

-Wow. That's great.
-All over the world, yeah.


-Which isn't bad for an old
mucker like me, you know?

Now normally, we wouldn't play
a music video.

But we wanted everyone to see
the new single Cloud 9.
Let's take a look.

♪'s clearly understood

♪ Only a fool could walk

♪ Away from me this time

♪ I look up to heaven

♪ Every star I see is mine

♪ Only a fool could walk
Away from me this time

♪ I'm walking on air
and every cloud

♪ Is Cloud 9


Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait...

[LAUGHS] Oh, dear.

There is a template here,
isn't there?

There's a template
for the Jamiroquai videos.

-People in my generation,
so basically...

There's two, well,
at least two super sexy cars.

-CHRIS: There's
an attractive lady.

And there's a bit of jigging
goes on...


Yeah, I'll tell you what.

It's really...
'Cause we thought about this,
and we thought,

you know, everybody said,
"Oh, cars, video."

I mean, erm...
And then we thought, well,
Cosmic Girlwas 1997.

So, that was 20 years ago,
you know.

But it was quite nice, 'cause
we went back to Cabo de Gata,

which is where we'd filmed
the original.

So that was a kind of thing.
So people had seen

the first one,
to go back there...

You talked about Cosmic Girl.

Now that was...
That was a benchmark video,
I think, for...

-For a generation.

Because it showed
super sexy cars,

-dynamic driving...
Look at this.
-JAY: Mmm.

CHRIS: There is a story
behind that.

It wasn't quite
as straightforward.

JAY: It wasn't. Erm...

They made three of those
special edition
30th anniversary Diablos.

And one was a Jota.
So that was a 600-brake car

that was not
really road legal.
So there were only two.

So, I had mine in storage,

and the guy went to stick it
on the... On the, er...
On the car transporter.

And then I got word that
he'd just totalled this car.

-JAY: There it is.

Erm, and we kind of had
to have a purple one,

because it was like
the purple, the cosmic,
you know, when...

-You know, it was just
one of those things.
-Sure, yeah.

So, we got the other one,
and I said, "Wait till
I get there.

"I'm flying in. Just nobody
drive it till I get there.

"Please, you know,
we can't afford to smash it."

So, I came off the plane.

And everybody looked
really downtrodden.

-They were looking
at the floor.

And I went, er, you know,
"Why are you looking so sad?"

-And they said, er,

unfortunately, erm,
one of the precision drivers
has, er...

-Has knocked the camera
off the cliff. [SNORTS]

And taken out
the front windscreen.

So there's no windscreen.

Lamborghini can't send one
for another, you know,
like, day or so.

So, for most of the video,
you know, it had to be done
with no windscreen.

So, that's why
you see me squinting.


And actually trying to sing
the song as well,

while driving down
the mountain road, yeah.

We've got a clip now
of Cosmic Girl.

-To bring back some memories.
-Okay. Yeah.


♪ She's just a cosmic girl

CHRIS: So now,
I understand why your hair
is flopping about![LAUGHS]


CHRIS: It's quite clear you
got no windscreen!

JAY: There is no windscreen
there, yeah.

I loved that car as well.

I really loved that car.

It was a real meaty, you know,
proper old Lamborghini.

They were quite different
to what they are now that,
you know,

Audi have taken them over.
It's a different ball game.

That was quite a handful.
But it made a great noise.

That's why we stuck it on
the front of
Travelling Without Moving.

Let's get down to business.

-Now, you're a veteran
down here.

-You've been around...
-That's right. I've been
coming down here

since William Woollard
was running it.


You've been around in a Liana,
you've been around in
a Lacetti.

-That was a beautiful car,
the Liana.
-Yeah. The Lacetti.

You were fastest in
the Lacetti, I think, right?

-Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

Okay, so, now you're gonna
go around the GT-86.

How did the training
go with Chris?

Yeah, you know,
I mean, you know,

Chris' masterclass.
So it was, erm...

The car's, erm,
obviously a lot better
than before.

It pleases me to actually
come on with something

that's at least two litre,
that you can get something
out of.

And quite a nippy,
a nippy little thing,
you know.

-All right, let's take a look.
-Yeah, okay.

-CHRIS: Jay?
-JAY: Yes.

-Last show of the series.
-Got it.

-You've got form here.

-You're quick.
-I have got form.

We've got a target.

Sir Chris Hoy,
one minute 35.4...

Sir Chris Hoy,
pedal to the metal.

-Yeah, let's got.
-Are we ready?

-CHRIS: Yeah.


I like it. I like it.
Power now.
Power, power, power!

Good work. We're not that far
off Mr Hoy at the moment.

Sorry, Sir Hoy.

-We're not so far away.
-Sir Chris.

Right. Third gear.

All right, come on.
I need you to push
a bit harder, Jay.

-We're a bit behind
Chris here.

-Pushing hard, darling.
-I've got my finger here.

-Pushing hard.
-Pushing hard.

Third gear.


Right on the edge!
Fourth gear.


I'm not going to look at this
bit 'cause you're going

so quick through here
it scares me!

Oh, [BLEEP] hell, Jay!


From the 100, break and turn.

-All right. Break. Turn now.
-Turn, turn, turn!


Oh, we could be off here.
We could be off here.

I'm back on!
Oh, I'm nearly back on.


Oh, I nearly got it back on.


-Nice day for it.


[LAUGHING] Hey, hey!


Nice! Nice.

-MATT: Nice one.

I mean, I wasn't trying.

-You know.

-I wasn't trying.

Yeah, that was a...
We thought we'd actually
come out the right way.

It would carry on, you know,
nothing happened.
You didn't see that.

-Definite change of underwear.

-Definite change.
-Round one, round twice...

-JAY: Yeah, lovely, yeah.
-So, what do you think, Chris?

-You think he's got a shot
at the title?
-Yeah, committed.

You only have offs like that
if you're really,
really trying around here.

People don't know
how unforgiving
the circuit is.

If you get
half a foot wrong there,

you're straight off, so, yeah,
he's gonna be quick.

All right, well,
we'll see how you did

-just a little bit later
in the show.
-Okay, cool.

Right now,
I wanna talk about 4x4s.

See, if you want
an upmarket family SUV,

right now,
you've got a lot of options.

You can have a Range Rover.

You could have an Audi Q7,
you could have
a Merc GLS.

But they're all so mainstream.

there is another option,

and it comes from Russia.

This is the Avtoros Shaman.

And it is big.

Really big.


Straightaway, you can see
it has eight wheels,

which is the same
as two Range Rovers.

But it costs £88,000.

About the same
as just one Range Rover.

So on a pound-per-axle basis,
the Shaman is a steal.

[SIGHS] And back here,
you get seating for...

Everyone you've ever met.

And there's an escape hatch.

In case of an emergency.

Like, if Uncle Phil had
the egg salad for lunch.


And there's
a central driving position.

Just like the McLaren F1.

And the similarities
to the F1 don't end there.

Like the F1,
the Shaman also has a, er...

Steering wheel. [CHUCKLES]

Okay, here we go.


Now, like all the best
modern SUVs,

the Shaman is right at home
in the centre of town.

Whether it's the school run,
or popping out for groceries,

or nipping to the pub
for a quick game of darts.

The Shaman will do it all.

Oh, boy, this is tight.

But like all the best
modern SUVs,

it's even better suited
to the open road.

Okay, it's not
exactly supersonic.

The Shaman will do 0-60 in...


With its sensible
3.0-litre diesel,

it has a whopping top speed
of 44 miles per hour.

And that's a good thing.

It encourages you to relax.

To watch the world go by.

And it's just as sensible
on the inside.

We've got a satnav
from the '90s.

Temperature controls
from the '80s.

We've got a speedometer
and rev counter

which are basically

That's pretty much it.

Elegant simplicity.

Oh, what's that guy doing?
That doesn't look good.

Looks like you're in a jam.


Should be able
to get you out of there.

Let me pull up a little.

He smells like whisky.

Okay, not what I had in mind,
but let's talk towing.

Now, according
to the Caravan Club,

the choice SUV is the BMW X5.

But that only
pulls three and a half tonnes.

The Shaman will tow 12.

So, if you've got a local moon
that's out of alignment,

the Shaman
will set it straight.

-Thank you.

MATT: Right, back to business.

And next up, fuel economy.

I know what you're thinking,
"That thing looks thirsty."

Well, it is.

It gets about 11 miles
to the gallon.

And it makes you wonder,
"Am I gonna have to refuel it
every single day?"

Well, no, you're not,
because the Shaman
holds 260 litres of diesel.

It's a super tanker.

So, realistically, you're only
gonna have to refuel it
about every other day.

Oh, wait, is that a flare?

No one else around
to help them?

Just me, then, huh?

[SIGHS] Okay.

Right, well,
this is a waste of time.

Modern SUV drivers
don't even go off road.

But since I'm apparently
the only one who can help,

we might as well cover
all terrain ability.

Ground clearance?
Half a metre.

Half a metre.

And these giant tyres
may look destructive,

but their huge surface area
means they tread lightly
over the terrain.

Snow shoes, not stilettos.

And if you factor in
its eight-wheel drive

with independent steering,

you can approach
any off-road excursion
with confidence.

I can't wait to see the looks
on their faces when they see
this thing coming.



You're, er...

You're naked.

MAN 1: Naked ramblers.

MAN 2: We're lost.

Well, do you need a...
Do you need a ride?

ALL: Yes. Yes.

Okay, come on, let's, er...

Let's go.

Up you go.

Ooh. Okay.

All right... Okay!

All righty. Wow!

That's a lot for the eyes.

Sure hope we don't crash,
this'll be a tricky one
to explain.

No need for hugs or anything,
we're okay.

Well, there's an image
that'll be stuck in my mind

Okay, where were we?
Er, ah, yes.

Let's talk refinement.

And some might complain that
on the move,

the Shaman isn't the quietest
of SUVs on the market.


When you're up and running,
there is some engine noise

and some road noise.

But that's a good thing.

Because, too often,
the driving experience

is interrupted by...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

-That looks like Lassie.

Seriously? Lassie now?

-What's wrong?

-What's wrong?

What? Little Timmy's
stuck down a well? Again?


All right, show me the way,
I'll follow you. Jeez.

Okay, so, apparently
owning a Shaman

does come with
a few unwanted

Where the hell
is this dog taking me?

And what kind of shampoo
does she use? She's so shiny.


Good girl. Good girl.

Okay, we're gonna
get you out here.

Put that rope around you.

No, not around your neck, no!

Yeah, around your waist, good.


This winch is capable
of lifting 5.6 metric tonnes.

That's the equivalent
of about 200 little Timmys.

Kids today.
Doesn't he have an iPad?

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Lassie, language.


We're all tired.

All in all, though,
having to take on
the odd rescue mission

is a small price to pay
for a car that is just
so rewarding.

It's an SUV for the driver
who cares about driving.

The noise, the lack of
unnecessary technology,

it all connects you
with what's really important.

The mechanical experience.

Really, I'm struggling
to see a downside
to this magnificent machine.

So, there you have it.
Russia's answer
to the modern SUV.

And honestly,
I would definitely
recommend it.

Sure, a Mercedes GLS
is a little quicker

and an Audi Q7
is slightly more refined.

But the Shaman is practical.

It's spacious.


Oh, did I not mention?

It swims. [CHUCKLES]


With all this saving people,
maybe I could join
the Avengers.

I could be the Shamanator.

Yeah, I like it.

Be there
in a couple of minutes.

Maybe 15.

Maybe 20.


-Yeah. Yeah.

-Now you're talking.

This thing is massive.

This, this is my kind
of family SUV.

Exactly. Why would you want
a Range Rover

when you could have
one of these?

I'm telling you, I can see,
literally, no downsides
to this car.

No. Also, 88 grand. I mean,
that is a lot of wheels
for the money.

Yeah, and way cheaper
than a helicopter.

I'm sorry, what? A helicopter?

Oh, yeah.
That's how the Shaman
is marketed.

As a helicopter alternative.

Think about it.

Okay, if you needed
to get somewhere
in the middle of nowhere,

hundreds of miles
from the nearest road,

deepest, darkest Russia,

it's basically this
or a helicopter.

You know
how many naked ramblers

-you can fit in a helicopter?

-Yeah, neither do I
and I do not wanna find out.

Imagine the turbulence
and the downdraught,

all that naked skin
flopping around.

I don't... No, no. Chris!

So what do you think?
Trade-in a helicopter,
get one of those?

I, I doubt it.

I could do without
the naked people in there.


You know,
it's funny, actually,

because the best
Russian vehicle

is the really old Kamaz
with the really thin wheels,

almost looks like
a loaf of bread,

-and every one
in Russia uses those...
-Oh, yeah.

And they go anywhere,
you know.

And then, they use the old
eight-wheelers, as well.

-Eight-wheel steering.
-Yeah, yeah.

-It was fun to drive, though.
A good time.
-Yeah, yeah.

Okay. I'd like to show you
a new family car from America.


It's made by Dodge
and it's called the Demon.
Let's take a look.

CHRIS: Whoa!
MATT: Nice. Look at that.

That's a nice-looking car,

Four seats, nice, big trunk
or boot.

Now, would you like to know
how fast that car goes

-from zero to 60
miles an hour?
-You tell me, Matt.

2.3 seconds.

That is the
fastest-accelerating car
ever made.

Faster than a 918 Spyder,

faster than a LaFerrari,
faster than everything.

Until it gets
to the first corner.


Exactly. Okay, look, look,
here's another picture.

That is an official
Dodge photograph.

I'm having trouble
letting my power down.

That is how you sell a car.

Look at that.

-Okay, how much power
does that thing have?
-Okay, you're gonna love this.

It has 840 horsepower.

That's ridiculous. That's...
That's a tuner car, surely.

No, no. No, no, no, no.

In America, you can go
into your local Dodge dealer

-and buy one
of those bad boys.

And you know the best part
about the whole thing?

If you put your foot
all the way down
and really stand on it,

the front wheels will come
off the ground.

The car does wheelies.

-How cool is that?
-It's a funny car.
It's a funny car.

Yeah, yeah, no, look,
take a look,
we have a clip.

You don't want the truth...

You can't handle the truth!

-MATT: Come on!

-That's nuts.

-See the way the sidewall
just creased on the tyre.
-Yeah, yeah.

CHRIS: That's unbelievable.

Okay, so just to recap,

you've got McLaren pushing
the boundaries of technology

using carbon fibre,
aerodynamics, new language,

and you've got Dodge saying,
"Screw that, screw technology,

"we're just gonna insert
a big V8 engine

"and make it as sophisticated
as an anvil."

That's right.
What's your point?

It's absolutely brilliant.

All of it's brilliant.
I love it.

I know. We are totally
driving that, next series.

Okay, now,
the Formula One season
is back underway,

but for the first time
in over 30 years,

F1 doesn't have
a certain man running it.
Bernie Ecclestone.

See, at the start
of this year,

a company called Liberty Media
took control of Formula One.

Since then, Bernie
has stayed very quiet
about the whole affair

and the honorary title
Liberty gave him.

But a couple of weeks ago,
Bernie got in touch,

asking if we'd like
to have a little chat.

And you don't
say no to Bernie,
so we didn't.

And he also said that he would
only talk to one guy,

Eddie Jordan.

-You all right, Bernie?
-Yeah, I'm fine.

Let's have fun, man.

Now, Liberty...

They've given you
this great title.
I'm kinda confused.

What does that title mean?
Is it a gagging order?

I don't know, really, erm...

It's a little bit like

giving a hit man
a gun and no bullets.

That's not very clever.

No, but I've got enough money
to buy the bullets.

Bernie, they said,
or you said about them,

that they should
have killed you,
not wound you.

What did you mean by that?

No, I didn't actually
say me at all.
That isn't what I said.

Okay, well, tell us
what you said, then.

I said, the trouble
with all sort of animals,

if you want to kill them,
you have to kill them.
Don't wound them.

Ah, but it is
the same meaning,
isn't it, Bernie?

You were giving
a little message to them.

It depends how people
want to take meanings,
isn't it?

EDDIE: Okay.

Formula One is
in good hands, Bernie?

Now? Oh, I hope so.

Can it improve without you?

I'm sure it will.

The problem over the last
two or three years has simply
been no competition,

and now it looks like
we got some.

Ferrari, can they win
the championship this year?

Honestly, I shouldn't say this
but I hope they do.

But I don't think they will.

It's good for business?

If we lost Ferrari,
over the years
we'd have been in trouble.

Formula One is Ferrari
and Ferrari is Formula One.

For many years
I've been intrigued

about the way you're able
to bring the championship
right to the last race.

I mean, you are fixing that,
aren't you?

No, not at all.

The teams may have
but I don't.

Maybe the teams get together
and decide to split the money

secretly or something
to make sure this happens.
I don't know.

You are joking,
and we know that,

but it is remarkable,
isn't it?

I'm just lucky.

Where would you see
the possible improvements?

Well, I think we ought
to get rid of a lot
of the silly regulations

that restrict so many things
for the drivers

and the people building cars.

It has become
an engineers' championship,

not a drivers' championship.

It's the drivers that should
be driving the cars.

They're the ones that should
win the races

and get all the credit for
doing what they've done.

Who is the best one
in your view?

Best driver...

Nobody ever agrees with me.
I think it was Alain Prost,

because he always
had competition in the team.

He lost two
World Championships
by a small margin.

Through bad luck on his part.

So, he should be credited,
as being the best.

I want to talk about
your cars.

I've got to ask you,
you don't suppose

you might have the getaway car
from The Great Train Robbery,
by any chance?

I wish I could find it.
I don't know which one
I used at the time.

Ah, okay. [LAUGHS]

Bernie, because, you know,
we laugh and joke about it,

but there are still a body
of people

who associate you with
The Great Train Robbery.

-Why do you think that is?
-No idea. No idea.

Wasn't enough money
on that train, actually.

Bernie, before we wrap up,

I just got a couple
little names
that I'd perhaps like

maybe for you to tell us,
in your own words,

what they mean. "Ferrari."



Trying hard. Trying hard.

"Max Verstappen."

He's really, really super.
He's gonna be a world
champion, for sure.

Finally, Bernie.
"Lewis Hamilton."

Best thing that happened
for Formula One
for a long, long time.

Good ambassador.

Certainly, the best driver
of this...

-In the last 10 years.
-Of his era.

Bernie Ecclestone...


Nobody has heard from Eddie
since that interview.


Where is he?
Don't mess with Bernie.

Okay. The time has come.

-The time has come,
as it always does.
-The time has come

to see your lap.
How do you think you did?


Well, you know...

You can never tell, can you?
I mean...

I hate this bit.

I got up... I got up
this morning thinking,

why do I put myself
through it?

You know he takes it
seriously, though.
Look at this shoes.

-Racing leather shoes.
It matters.

-Put him out
of his misery, man.

-Put him out
of his misery.
-Put me out.

-All right, let's take a look.
Come on.
-Okay, thank you.

CHRIS: Off the line,
that's a good, clean start.

Come on, then, young lady,

the Toyota GT86
from the Land
of the Rising Sun.

CHRIS: Okay,
alignment is good,
coming into first.

A little bit wide there.

And you turned a bit wide
but you were
on the power early

and using all the circuit.
That's good,
that's really good there.

Feels a bit smoother to me.

CHRIS: Good,
and you've stopped
the car.

Some people barrel in there
too fast.

I reckon your speed
was right.

Line good, coming out.

Don't miss the gear.

CHRIS: You didn't miss
the gear, you see?

You blithering idiot!

CHRIS: Okay, down the back

Ah, now you're
a bit wide there.
A little bit wide.

Get it in! Get it in!

CHRIS: And you're
which is a good sign.

Using all the circuit there.

Come on!

I've nevered look too good
in a helmet, have I, really?

No guts, no glory!

It feels like the one.
It feels like the one.

Okay, this is aggressive.

This is aggressive.

The trail brake was good.
That was your new line
for you there.

And you failed
to do a 720 there,
which is good.

And now, over the line.

Okay, right.

Well done.


All right. Come on,
what do you think?
You feeling confident?

I don't know. I don't know.

You know, it's tricky.

It's a tricky little...
That Hammerhead is tricky.

You just feel where
you're losing bits and bobs

and feel like
you're losing time.

That is a lot of different
lines to take.

Who knows, but just...

Just get on with it.

-We know... Knowing you, now.

You're fairly competitive.

We know you're not looking
down in this section, here.

You're looking up there
with the Hoy and the Noble
and the Whitlock.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Yeah, I'm looking up there.
-That's where you wanna be.


-Jay Kay, you did it...

This is my favourite part.
I love it.

-Ah, yeah. Milk it, milk it.

-Milk it.

You did it in one minute


JAY: Yes.


-...point one.


Seven tenths off...

a bloke who's done Le Mans.

-CHRIS: Happy?
-Yeah, yeah.

-CHRIS: Come on, come on.
-Second fastest.


Ladies and gentlemen, Jay Kay!


Thank you, thank you!

Now, I wanna talk about
the ugliest car ever made,

because there is one
that stands

head and hideous shoulders
above all others.

Feast your eyes on this.

This is the SsangYong Rodius.

-And it is truly revolting.

But here's the thing.

Sure the Rodius might be
horrible to look at,

but it has a beautiful secret.

And to reveal that secret,
Rory took me and this
Korean masterpiece

on a little road trip
to Southampton.

MATT: Well, I gotta say,
I'm impressed.

RORY: Yeah?

Yeah, it's as gross
on the inside as it is
on the outside.

This thing is disgusting.

Better be good,
whatever we're doing
in Southampton.

RORY: Just you wait.

MATT: Well, at least
I didn't have to wait long.

RORY: Pull in here.

MATT: It's a boatyard, Rory.
Why are we going
to a boatyard?

We're gonna drive
into the ocean?
That's a good call.

RORY: Okay, this is perfect.
MATT: In fact...

RORY: Come here.
MATT: ...Rory had
something else in mind.

RORY: Look, here's what
you need to know
about the Rodius, okay?

It was designed by a guy
called Ken Greenley.

-Who was blind?
-Who was head
of vehicle design

at London's
Royal College of Arts

and he knew
what he was talking about.

And the Rodius was inspired
by the design
of luxury yachts.

No, it wasn't.

-Come here.
Check this out, look.

RORY: How about now?


-No, I don't see it.
-[SIGHS] Dude, look.

Look at the lines, okay?
Look at the S shape.

The way it flows?
That's nautical.

The Rodius might be
a hideous car but it was never
supposed to be a car.

It was supposed to be a yacht.

We're gonna turn the SsangYong
into a yacht.

Hey, does this mean
we get to cut it up?

-[CHUCKLES] Excellent.
I am in.

We're gonna do this
for Ken Greenley.

-The blind guy.

Yeah. Yeah.


MATT: To see if Rory's idea
would float,

we enlisted the help
of one of Southampton's
leading boat builders,

a man called Digby.

What're the problems,
you think,

by trying to turn this thing
into a boat?

What's the biggest hurdle?

Capsizing. At the very worst,

-DIGBY: Death.

It's a very big car
to make into a boat.

But it already looks
like a yacht.

Well, that's...
Open for interpretation.

We don't have to get into that
so much.

Can we make it happen?

Um, if you look at
basic stability,

you're putting
tons of weight up there.

If you start moving
through the water
at any sort of speed,

as soon as you hit a wave,
you're gonna end up
down here.

And risking happy people
becoming, very much,
dead people.

It's gonna be difficult.

You think this is a bad idea?

Oh, yes, it's a terrible idea.

But it's doable?

-Vaguely doable.
-But doable?

-There's a chance.

That's all we need to hear.

-Then we're good. Yeah.
-Welcome on board.


-Let's hope that
we all live through this.
-All right.

Yeah, we'll be fine.

MATT: So, we set to work,

carefully extracting weight,

remodelling the stern and bow

and delicately finessing
the hull.

MATT: Ooh, hot, hot!

MATT: Well, what do you think?

Probably need another day.

-Two days. Yeah.




MATT: At last,

she was ready for testing.

And to do that,

there was only
one place to go.


What the hell am I doing here?

MATT: This is genius, okay?

We have unleashed
the Rodius' inner beauty.

It was inspired by yachts,
and now,

it has become a yacht.

You're gonna love this,
I'm telling you.

Rory, bring her around.


Come on! We did it!

This is gonna blow his mind.

CHRIS: Oh, my God.

Look at that.

That's right! That's right!

-Rear Admiral Reid

-at your service. [LAUGHS]
-MATT: Nice!

CHRIS: There's a car in there.
There's a... There's...

-It's really weird.
Now I can't un-see it.

CHRIS: Because...

-I can sort of see a boat.
-It makes perfect sense.

-It works, right?
-This is what it was born for.

-It's actually disturbing.

CHRIS: Rory's dressed as
Captain Birdseye...

-CHRIS: And he's...

Admiral Birdseye.

-MATT: Yeah.
-This is a luxury yacht.

And when you're the admiral
of a luxury yacht,
you have to look the part.

-Hence the outfit.
-He does look good.

-You got to admit.
He looks good.
-No, the boat looks good.

It's a superyacht. Enough...
Enough with the boat talk.

How did you create it?
Did you buy the hull
of a speed boat

and then just drive the Rodius
as fast as you could
into the back of it?

MATT: Wait till you see
the inside. It's killer.

-Back it in here.
-I'll bring her around.

Yes, swing it around.

He's, he's still getting
the hang of driving it.

Give me a minute.

Right in there somewhere.


RORY: So...
MATT: Huh?

You're impressed, right?

CHRIS: Did you do this
on your own?

We... We had a bit of help.

Yeah, we had a little help
from a guy called Digby,

who, er, uses the word
"death" a lot.

But, er, that's not
what's important. No.
What's important is,

climb aboard the SsangYacht

and all of your land-based
worries will simply wash away.

-You can swim, right?

CHRIS: This is absurd.
So the seats have stayed.

The dashboard has stayed.

This material here,
this sort of fake

marble, faux marb...
What... What is it?

That's real, genuine,
fake marble.

-CHRIS: What's that
whirring sound?

It's a bilge pump.
Comes on automatic

-if water gets in the hull.
-I'm sorry?


MATT: While Chris came
to terms with the awesomeness
of our creation,

we broke out the big guns.


-Flat-screen TV!

As if out of nowhere,
it magically appears...

-And disappears.
-RORY: If you want it to.

-You are a pair
of court jesters, aren't you?

What are you talking about?
This thing is fantastic.

You've been gone for weeks.

And the sum total
of your endeavours
is a 12-inch TV screen

that will only stay upright
if you're holding a rope?

It's 15-inch.

MATT: You like music, right?
CHRIS: Yeah.

Sit right here, please.

Right there.

Now snap your fingers.

-MATT: Ooh!

-Look at that!
-RORY: Boom!

-RORY: Grand piano!

Check this out.


CHRIS: Do we have to go
and make it move
at some point?

MATT: Hell, yes, we did.

And to get Chris on board
once and for all,

we gave him the first go.

Yeah, baby!

The SsangYachtlives!

This thing rocks, man!

RORY: This is insane!

CHRIS: What I will say
is it's got good power.

But I thought the Rodius
had, like, a ropey old
Merc diesel.

MATT: No, no, no. Now it's got
two Volvo V6 engines.

That gives us a total
of 400 horsepower.

CHRIS: How fast will it go?

MATT: I don't know.
RORY: I have no idea.

Only one way to find out,
isn't there?

Nail it!


-That's 35 knots right there!


We've got a minivan
on the sea!


CHRIS: I have to say
that it is

much better than I'd expected
and it is better to drive

than the road-going
SsangYong Rodius,

and I will begrudgingly
concede that it's not
utter crap.

RORY: Thank you. Thank you.
MATT: Excellent!

-It's a winner! All right!

MATT: Yeah!

So, I took the liberty
of contacting

leading luxury boat magazine
Boat International,

right, and asked them
if they'd like to review it.

And they said they're sending
over their best reviewer.

Yeah. Okay.


MATT: So we went
to meet up with him.

-And inevitably...

MATT: Yep.
EDDIE: Ahoy! Afternoon, boys!

Are you reviewing our boat?

Boat International
correspondent at your service.

Yeah, no, says right here,
Eddie Jordan.

MATT: Nevertheless,
keen to make a big
first impression,

we suggested the first test
be performance.

Eddie, what do you say,
let's run a quarter of
a nautical mile drag race.

Down to that "boo-ee"
out there and back.

-Oh, okay.
-What's a boo-ee?

Shut it.

-RORY: Three, two, one, go!
-Stand on it!

Hold on!


Oh, we got the jump on him!

Come on, baby, come on!

Bloody hell, Rory, slow down.

-CHRIS: I don't want to die!

Come on!

How many times have you
driven a boat this fast?

None! [LAUGHS]

I ain't backing out,
just hold on!

-Whoo! [LAUGHS]
-CHRIS: Guys!

God, this is slow,
look at that crappy boat

RORY: Nice and easy
'round the buoy.

MATT: Go, go, go, go!

EDDIE: There we go,
steady, lady.

He's caching us,
he's catching us!

-Now we're smoking.
-RORY: Oh, that thing's quick.

Oh, when we get up to speed,
we're gonna...


MATT: Way to go, Rory!
Way to go!

Now stop the boat
and never ever drive
that fast again with me in it!

-RORY: Yes!

I hate that boat.

MATT: The review was off
to a rocky start.

And once we'd slightly reduced
the risk of being buried
at sea...

There we go.

MATT: Our expert
set us straight.

Guys, you're completely
missing the point.

MATT: Apparently,
luxury yachts
aren't about speed.

They're about showing off
your toys.

Where's he going?
Where'd he go?

As he then demonstrated.

Ha! This is
what I'm talking about!

Look at him go.


He's quick for an old guy,
isn't he?

All right, so he's got toys
on his boat.

We got toys. Do we have toys?

Hell, yes, we did.

Nice work, Harris!

Nice work!

-Yeah, Eddie, take that, baby.

-This guy is a master
of all forms of transport.
-He's great!


You know, I'm looking
through Boat International.

And I don't see
any other superyacht
towing people off the back.

We are blazing a trail.

How's he lookin'?

He's down.
He's down. He's down.

MATT: Well, we'd proven
our point.

And once we'd found Chris,

he was loving theSsangYacht
as much as we were.

We have just proved
you can ski behind
a Korean MPV.

Eddie Jordan, stuff you.

-Ooh, ooh.

-Careful of the paint job,

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

-Do you think that'll go down
as a good review point?
-Well done, buddy.

-Well done.
-He's gonna love it.

MATT: But he didn't.

For heaven's sake, being able
to water ski behind...

That doesn't make it
a luxury yacht.

By the time we're finished
with you,

you'll be convinced
that this thing is the future
of luxury yachting.

We decided to bring
Eddie aboard

and show him
hidden depths.

So we headed for Monaco's
legendary marina,

where frankly,
we blended right in.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.
I think if we can squeeze in
right behind him,

we won't have to pay.

Mr Jordan.

-Admiral Reid.
-Welcome aboard
the SsangYacht.

Mr Jordan.

-Welcome aboard, sir.
-CHRIS: Hello, Mr Jordan.

Can I offer you a drink?

EDDIE: Gin and tonic,
there then.
MATT: Gin and tonic.

Gin and tonic, it is.

EDDIE: I'm very sceptical
about all this.

You're sceptical,
how sceptical?

-Very sceptical.
-Very sceptical. Okay.

Here you go.

Now, Eddie, you look
like a guy who takes good care
of himself.

You go to the spa, sometimes?

-Check this out. You ready?

What we have here,
is special goldfish

that we're trying to train
to eat the dead skin
of your feet.

Now drop your tootsies
right in there and feel
the love happenin'.

You feel 'em?

EDDIE: You guys for real?
MATT: Yeah.

MATT: Sensing the on-board spa
wasn't doing the trick,

Rory made a panic move.


-And with that
not working either...
-EDDIE: Really?

I quickly moved on
to the as yet unexplored...

Keep crawlin', keep crawlin',
keep crawlin'.

Master suite.

Look at this.

Is this spacious or what? Huh?

I think
it's going really well.
I think he really likes it.

-You really think he likes it?
-He loves it.

He just had his feet
chewed by
a recalcitrant goldfish.

There's your toilet.
Right there.
Is that nice or what?

I am confused.

-This red button,
you see this?

-This red button...

Ejects the waste,
the sewage,
away from the boat

so you're not snorkelling
through it.

There's no cigar fish
in your life. Give it a try.

-What, hit that?
-Yeah, hit the button.

It's like a cannon
or tor-poo-do.



Must have been one
in the chamber.

Rory, where are your manners?


I mean, lads, please.

-You are having a laugh.
-What do you mean?

I mean, you can't possibly say
that that's correct or proper.

-Are you proud of her?

Are you proud of me?

-Come on.

-We took a minivan...
-How could I? It's crap.

But we took a minivan
and turned it into a yacht.

But only a lunatic
would do such a thing.

MATT: Eddie had seen enough.

And with our first
review complete,

all that was left to do

was to christen
our ground-breaking vessel...



And set sail once again.

MATT: So, where to next, boys?

-Portofino? Capri?
-RORY: Miami.

-MATT: Ah, nice, yeah.

CHRIS: Can you just drop me
off over there

-before you do that?
-MATT: Well, come on.

CHRIS: I don't wanna
go any further.
MATT: Come on!

Come on.


How amazing is that?
How amazing is that?

-There it is! Look at it!
-It's great.

We built...

-We built a beautiful boat.

-Nobody drowned.
-Nobody drowned.

-And we've removed
a Rodius from the road.

And, and the tor-poo-do

stopped doing that thing
where it backfired.

That was very upsetting.


Okay, okay, time
for the big moment,

because I have here

the very first

by Mr Eddie Jordan
in Boat International

this is completely genuine.

You can buy this right now
from any good...

Boat news agent.

-Well, come on, come on,
what does it say? Show me!
-Okay, okay, okay.

Right here. Ah, let's see...

All right. What do we got?
What do we got? Er...

"Top-heavy... Awkward...

"Minefield of pointy corners."

-No, no, no...

Erm, "The worst thing
to happen to boating
since that iceberg."


Okay! Okay, here we go.

"In conclusion..."

Er, "It is quite simply
the worst boat
I've ever been on."

How great is that?

What are
you talking about?
It's a terrible review.

Yeah, but it's a review.

Boat Internationalmagazine

deemed our little boat
worthy of a review.

I mean, yeah, sure,
they kicked us,

but they kicked us
over six very glossy pages.

I mean, feel that.
The paper stock.

-That is good stuff.
Feel that.

It's beautiful
and it's not every day

you get the chance
to be utterly trashed
right next to an advert

for "Statue repair services."

Yes, exactly!

We have arrived.

Well done, Captain Reid.

-Admiral Reid.

-Well done, Seaman Harris.
-Thank you.


And that is the end
of the series.

Thank you all so much
for watching.

Have a great summer
and we'll see you soon.

-Good night!
-Good night!

Good night!


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