Top Gear (2002–…): Season 25, Episode 2 - Episode #25.2 - full transcript

Matt LeBlanc and Chris Harris head into the Californian woods to test off-road toys and hunt for Big Foot. Rory Reid invents the sport of reverse camera racing, while Chris tests the new McLaren 720S. Lee Mack is this week's studio guest.

Hello and welcome to Top Gear.

On tonight's show, we've got big
trucks, tiny tanks and a flying car.

That's right, you heard me,
a flying car.

But first, let's talk about McLaren,

They used to be really good at
making F1 cars go really fast.

Nowadays, not so much.

Sorry, Fernando.
But as Chris will explain,

all that victory champagne
they haven't been drinking

has left them very clear-headed
for thinking up supercars.

This is the McLaren 720S.

It costs over £200,000,
which is proper supercar money.

And you have to admit, it
looks like a proper supercar, too.




everything a supercar should be.

But the first thing that hits you
about the 720 is how unsupercar-y

it feels out on the road.

It's polite.

It's easy to drive.

That might sound weird
because it costs 200 grand,

so it really ought to, right?

But most supercars aren't polite
and they aren't easy to drive.

For starters,
there's the visibility.

I mean, in most supercars,
you feel like you've been kidnapped

in a particularly cramped postbox.

But not the 720.

In here, it's light and airy,

And as for the ride, well,
that's not very supercar-y either.

Now, traditionally,
to make a supercar go round

a track without ending up

on its roof on fire, it had to have
super stiff suspension.

But that meant that driving it on
a lumpy road like this was about

as comfortable as, I don't know,

mistaking your contact lens solution
for chilli oil.

But the 720S is anything
but traditional.

Its cross-linked
hydraulic suspension

is the result
of a five-year PhD project

at the University of Cambridge.

Seriously, doctors of suspension.

And those doctors clearly know their
stuff because driving this thing

in its slackest mode,
the ride is so good.

It's so comfortable, so supple.

It's like witchcraft!

Good Lord!


There's more cutting-edge design
in the pared back bodywork.

Those gaping headlights might look
a bit Skeletor,

but they also act as air intakes.

Likewise, the doors,
which are double-skinned,

creating hidden channels that
draw cold air into the engine.

The result is a car that is twice
as aerodynamically efficient

as the old 650S it replaces.

It's all very clever.

But cleverness doesn't make
a supercar.

What makes a supercar is going
really, really fast.

This is Portimao.

One of Europe's finest racetracks.

And one with a special place
in my heart...

because back when I was still living
on the internet,

I came here with the three fastest
road cars ever made.

The Porsche 918 Spider.

The LaFerrari.

And the McLaren P1.

This, then, is the perfect place
to test extreme speed.

Right, then, it's got 720 horsepower

from a twin turbo V8, back there,

and it weighs about 1,400kg,

which is the same as a Golf.

Should be quite rapid, then.

That is mighty fast!

Quicker than I'd expected.

McLaren claims 0-60 in 2.9 seconds.

Four seconds later,
it's doing 120mph.

Top speed - 212!

And the handling, well, it's flat,
it's grippy, it's accurate.

It really is very, very sharp.

Racing-car like.

It's animal. It's a proper animal.

Now, when you need a break from
going really fast facing forward,

the 720S has something called
variable drift control.

This lets you select
your preferred drift angle,

and the car will take care
of the rest.

The other, less sophisticated,
method is to turn all of that...


How good is that?!


I have to say, I've driven
some pretty serious machinery

around this track, and this thing
feels about as quick as any of them.

Which is why I've invited along
a special guest.

You see, a few years ago when I got
those three cars together,

it was that one that went fastest
of all. The McLaren P1.


900 horsepower.

And quicker around this track than
the LaFerrari and the 918 Spider.

So, the question is, just how close
can the 720S get

to its big brother,

the reigning champion?

Well, to find out,

obviously I need to lap
the P1 again.

I'm selfless like that.

So, same conditions for both cars,

one flying lap, here goes.

I'm all ends up.
That's all the braking I've got.

Can I get it through?

Good Lord!

So much flatter and stiffer
after the 720.

It's got power.
It's completely addictive.

You can't believe that the new car
can get anywhere near to it.


It's slammed onto the deck,
200 horsepower more than the 720S,

it's got everything more.

Just so violent.

Pin your ears back and feel
that 900 horsepower!



It doesn't get much better
than that for me.

OK, the time for the P1

was 1:54.07.


OK, so,

I think that is a good time,

and I struggle to see

how the 720 can get
anywhere near it.

So, 1:54.07.

I mean, that's mighty fast
around here.

Yes, hyper-car fast.

Make no mistake, to even get
within sight of the P1,

the 720S has its work cut out.

I mean, it does feel faintly
ridiculous to even think

that this relatively normal
series production car

can get anywhere near it.

All right, let's start to push.

Brake hard into turn one.

Don't overcook it.

Get on the gas early,
use all the kerb.

Get out of the corner.

Full power.

The P1 bludgeons it down
the straights.

But this is closer than I expected.

God, that's lairy.

This is crucial now.

I'm flat now. I'm flat now.
It feels wrong to be flat there.

Over the line.

You can do it. You can do it.

There we go.
Right, let's have a look.

What's it done?

So, the P1 did 1:54.07.

I know it monsters this
in a straight line,

but this feels so good.

So, can I have the lap time, please?

The 720 did it in a 1:55.20.

1:55.20, so half a second off.

So, it was half a second slower.

That's remarkable!

Do half a second on your stopwatch.

Get your watch and go bang, bang,

and look at how long half a second

Remember, the P1 is £600,000
more expensive than this car.

Imagine going to the bank manager
and saying, "Can I borrow 600 grand,

"please, so I can go
half a second quicker?"

I think I'd just save the cash.

The 720S is the next stage
of supercar evolution,

a step forward so great
that it's difficult to make sense of

in conventional terms.

Now, in the world of computers,

there's something called Moore's law
which observes that every two years,

the power of a microchip doubles.

Moore's law is why
your new smartphone

is so much better
than your last one.

And the 720S, well,
it's Moore's law for fast.

Now, I know £200,000
is an awful lot of money.

But look at it another way -

in just four years, the cost of
going McLaren P1 fast has quartered.

That makes this 720S
a complete bargain.

A brilliant British bargain.

Well done. What a car.

Incredible stuff. Incredible stuff.

Decent driving as well.

I'm sorry? Earlier,
you said it was great driving.

Well, I don't want to give you
too much of a big head.

Listen, this film raises a couple of
big issues,

so we should start with
the biggest. This.

What's going on here?
You've got race gloves.

Mm-hm. Race helmet.

Mm-hm. T-shirt. It was hot.

It was hot? It was hot.
I'm thinking safety.

If you have a big fiery crash,

your hands will be fine,
but your arms will melt.

We'll have to attach your hands
to your helmet.

Can we just get back to the point of
the film, please, Rory?

Yeah, which was that
the more powerful,

more expensive car was faster
than the cheaper, less powerful car.

Ground-breaking. Come on.

It was only a tiny bit slower.

It really is stupidly quick.

OK, I've worked it out -
at this rate of progress, OK,

in two years' time,
a car this fast will be 100 grand.

OK? Four years after that, 25 grand.

Mm-hm. In a decade,

you'll be able to go McLaren P1 fast
for about five grand.

It's basic maths, Rory.

I like that maths. Now,

this is normally the bit where
we'd hand over the 720S to the Stig

to find out how fast it goes
around our test track.

But it's just too cold out there
today to get any temperature

into those tyres, and we want

to give McLaren a fair crack
of the whip,

so we're going to invite it back
later in the year,

and we'll also get
the Ferrari FXX-K from last year

and maybe the Bugatti Chiron, too.

Watch this space.

Now, for some cars that don't care
about the weather, off-roaders,

and I don't mean this...

I don't even know what this is.

No, I'm talking nimble stuff to get
you deep into the wilderness,

way off the beaten path deep,
bugs in your teeth,

never recover the bodies deep,
like, deep, OK?

There's a whole world of off-road
toys out there,

so I've rounded up some of the best

and headed to the woods in America
for a little camping trip.


Welcome to backcountry.

If you're going to do a job,
do it right,

and this is how you do camping.

The Ford F-650 super truck.

Six tonnes and 28ft
of go-anywhere vehicle,

plus 28ft of trailer full
of go-anywhere vehicles.

I've got everything I need for
a little weekend in the woods.

There's just one small...

..bald thing left to pack.

Look at that, that's cool.

I've got a whistle on my clip.


And there he is.


You're kidding me.

I shouldn't have expected anything
less, should I, really?

There you are.

What is that?!

This is the Ford F-650
super truck.

I'm speechless. It's massive.

What's in the trailer?

Well, that's a surprise.

A couple of goodies for us.

Come on, hop in.

Oh, look at the step!

What's this? What is all that?

That's my camping equipment.

This is... Look how high it is
off the ground!

It's great, isn't it?

What a vehicle. Is it nice, or what?

What's it got for a motor?
Come on. Oh, a big one.

It's got a caterpillar C-7.

330 horse, 850 lb-ft of torque.

How much money for this?

About £175,000.

What?! Yeah. 175 grand?!

Yeah. Guess how much fuel it holds.

I've no idea. 800 litres.

So, it's over a grand
to fill up in the UK.


But we weren't in the UK.

We were in the US...

..heading towards the vast
mountainous wilderness

of the Shasta-Trinity
National Forest.

By the way, what are you wearing?

My outdoor clothing.

We're in Northern California.

It gets cold at night. Snakes,
poison oak, they've got bear,

black bear, brown bear.

OK. Are there any known cases
of human beings defending themselves

against grizzly bear attacks using
one of Swiss army's smaller knives?

That will serve you best
if you use it to slit

your own throat before the bear gets
to you.

This felt like a good opportunity to
tell Chris that, to help us test our

off-road toys, I had planned
an exciting little project.

Now, in these woods
is something very special,

and we are going to go and find it.

You and I are going to go
and find Bigfoot.

Yeah! No, what?!

You and I are going to go find

We're going to go and find something
that doesn't exist?

No, no, no, no, he exists.

What do you mean, he exists?

He exists. This is where
that Patterson film was shot,

that original footage that you see,
you know,

when he's looking back over his
shoulder. That was around here.

Oh, the grainy footage of the bloke
dressed as a gorilla?

No, no, OK, first...
OK, he's not a gorilla.

He's an ape-like, humanlike beast
that lives in these woods.

You've brought me here
under false pretences.

We're going camping. Yes.

And we're going to test
these off-road toys,

and we're going to test these
off-road toys in the process

of looking - and finding - Bigfoot.

You've lost it, mate.

I haven't lost it at all.

Go ahead, ask somebody.

So, as we arrived in the sprawling
metropolis of...Hayfork,

that's exactly what I did.

I've been brought here to look
for something called Bigfoot.

I can't hear you. What?

Do you believe in Bigfoot?

Yeah. You believe in Bigfoot?

Yeah. Find another one.

OK, she looks less mad.

Excuse me, madam. Bigfoot,
have you ever seen a Bigfoot?

No, I've never seen him,
but I know he's out there.

You know he's out...
You KNOW he's out there?

Oh, yes, he's out there.
Thank you, and have a nice day.

Thank you!

He's brought me here
to find Bigfoot.

That's a possibility.

I'm sorry? The last time I've seen
a footprint was back in '96,

but, you know, it doesn't mean
he's not still here.

So, you believe that
there's something out there.

Has to be. Where else would
the footprint come from?

How can you say he's not out there?

I can't say for sure
what's out there,

and I can't say for sure what's not
out there.

But that doesn't... OK, period,
full-stop. But that doesn't support

your belief that there's
an 8ft gorilla out there.

He's not a... He's not a gorilla.

OK? Can we please stop referring
to him as a gorilla?

This is madness.

Look at that view.

Come on! Now, you look over there
in those woods.

They just go on and on and on.

Look how dense it is.

There could be something hiding,
you'd never know it was there.

There's parts of this forest
where man has not been.

I mean, there's no...
I know what you're going to say.

What? But just because it's a large
area doesn't mean that that could

support an entire population
of 8ft gorillas.

ANGRY: They're not gorillas!

Many slightly frosty miles later,
we arrived at our destination.

Unsure of what lay ahead of us
and what, if anything,

might be hiding in the woods we
decided to set up camp,

which in my case
was the work of a moment.

Look at that.

What is that?

That is my self-erecting tent.

That is genius British engineering

You know there's mountain lions
out here? Yeah?

So, in that, you're basically
a human burrito, OK?

You think about that. Here,

I got you some clothes
and some books on Bigfoot,

so you can brush up
on your knowledge, huh?

We're going to find him.
Books on Bigfoot? Yeah.

Oh, for crying out loud.

What absolute rubbish.

Now, this is absolute rubbish!

Here we go.
Matt will find this irritating.

It has actually got a strand
that links it to the gorilla.

Also the lemur, an animal
only found on Madagascar,

which has never been in contact
with this continent.

Oh, it's just rubbish.
Absolute rubbish.

But sadly, not quite as rubbish as
the clothes Matt had found for me.

What have you done
with these trousers?

How do they fit? Good?
No, they fit terribly.

Oh. Did you grow? What's that?


That's your Bigfoot Patrol patch.
Why don't you have one?

Well, because I'm the sheriff,

you're the deputy.
You wear the patch.

Oh, my God. Where are you going?
Where are you going?

Sensing a slight lack of motivation
in Chris,

it was time to inject some
enthusiasm and open up the toy box.



Total arsehole!

What is that?

It's called the SHERP.

It comes from Russia.

It was designed for workers in their
gear to access inaccessible terrain.

Huh? Which is perfect for us because
now it will take us and our gear out

to where Bigfoot is.

It's like a Tonka toy
with 747 wheels on it.

It's awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's great. How do I get in?

Right here.

Really? Yeah.

Watch your head. Oh, yes.

Huh? Look at this.

How great is that?

Costs about £90,000,
and I know that sounds like a lot

for an off-road toy,
but you do get a lot of...

..what, tyre for your money.

Is the steering wheel extra?

Yeah, no steering wheel.
It's like a skid steer.

You steer it with these.
Right brake brakes the right wheels,

left brake brakes the left wheels.

Right, come on, let's go. All right.

Not the tent! INNOCENTLY: What?

Eager to do some exploring,
we headed deeper into the woods.

Yes, baby!

And honed from over 20 years'
experience on the Siberian tundra,

the SHERP is the perfect vehicle
for the job.

Robust, reliable,

with a reassuringly Russian attitude
to comfort.

What's the suspension?

Well, there really
isn't a suspension.

Suspension is basically the sidewall
of the tyre.

44 horsepower.

44 horsepower?

Yeah. Dude, I've got a Peugeot
hatchback with more power than that!

Yeah, but can your Peugeot
hatchback do this?


That is impressive.

That's pretty cool.
That's impressive.

True to its promise, the SHERP had
taken us a very long way off-road.

But just when I thought we were back
to making a motoring show...

OK, this is a good spot here.

Good spot for what? I'm going to
hang up some meat,

set some traps, huh?

I'm sorry?

Hold that.

Doughnuts? What's that?
Hold this. What is that? Hold it.

It's meat. Where's your knife?

These two trees right here,
does that look good?

I was there when Matt LeBlanc
finally lost his mind.


What are you...?


You know what this is?

This is a trail camera.

It's got a motion sensor in it.

When Bigfoot walks by, takes a bite
of meat, we get a picture,

we buy an island, we retire.

You know, people say,
"I'm going to look for him here,

"I'm going to look for him there,

but we're looking for him
right where he's going to be.

On the subject of meat, hunters -
this country's full of people

with guns and stuff
that go and shoot stuff.

Yeah. Why has no-one ever shot
a Bigfoot?

They've shot a grizzly bear, haven't
they? Yeah. And a black bear.

You know, that's a good question.

I think, and this
is just my opinion,

I think it's because,
let's say you're out hunting

and you see a Bigfoot,
and many hunters have seen a Bigfoot

and there's stories those guys will
tell where they see him,

they've got
their finger on the trigger,

they've got them in the sights,
and they just...

Cos it has this man-like quality...

..they can't pull the trigger.

Also, could be that
you don't believe it.

Is it a guy in a suit?

I don't know. Is it a hoax?

I don't know. Pull the trigger,
you shoot a guy in a suit.

You shoot a guy in a suit,
you're in trouble.

That's murder.
Nobody wants to be a murderer.

And do you really want to be the one
that shot Bigfoot?

I want to be the one that has a beer
with Bigfoot.

Increasingly worried where this was
all heading, I needed a distraction.

Oh, it just goes anywhere.

Here, look at this rock.
Go right over it.

One wheel or two wheels up it?

I think one wheel up, one wheel off.

OK. If you don't hear that big bang,
we're good.


You know the unstoppable SHERP?

Yeah. I think I just stopped it.

Fortunately, it's a
lot lighter than it looks.


So, if you've got an angry
half-Italian with you,

it'll go anywhere!

Just as I thought we'd found some
common ground in the intrepid SHERP,

though, the voices in Matt's head
piped up AGAIN.

All right, shut her down.

What have you got in there?

All right, I've got pheromones
and another trail camera.

Pheromones? Yeah.

Pheromones. Bigfoot
is going to get a whiff of this,

and he - or she - is going
to say,

"What is that amazing smell?"

And come running to the party.

Come on, here, spread a little of
that around.

Enter my territory?

Yeah. For real? That's for real.

OK, now I'll set the camera, huh,
comes running in,

he's all excited, and we got him.

Come on, let's go. I'm still driving
because this thing is so cool.

Yeah, but you haven't seen
the SHERP's coolest trick yet.

What? You know what that is?

What is it? It drifts.
No, it doesn't.

Yes, it does. With 44 horsepower,
no, it doesn't.

It drifts, I'm telling you.

See, drifting.

It's not quite what I had in mind,
but very cool.

Have you seen him yet?
No, not yet.

Have you seen him yet?

No, I haven't seen him yet.

When I see him, believe me,
you'll be the first to know.


What about now? Shut up!

I've had enough of this.
This is just ridiculous.

What exactly are you going to do
if you spot a Bigfoot?

And it's a massive if.

When we see him, you're going to gun
it full speed at the bank

and I'm going to get the rope.
Gun it?

What's the maximum speed
of the SHERP?

In the water? Yeah.
I don't really know.

Let's open it up and find out.

And immediately...there
was a problem.

This is full speed?

I think we're going to need
something much faster.

OK. Back to camp?


So, we headed for dry land.

I love this moment.
This is the good bit.

And back at Bigfoot HQ...

..we ditched the SHERP
and Matt revealed the next phase

of Operation
Find An Imaginary Creature.

Ooh. Ooh.

Huh? Now, they are cool.

OK, phase two, motocross bikes,

but not just your normal motocross

these are Alta Redshifts.

These are awesome.
I've heard about these.

Yeah, they're supposed to be great,
and they're pure electric,

so they're quiet, stealthy,

just what we need for sneaking up
on Bigfoot, huh?

Now, which one do you want,
the white or the yellow?

I'd really like... You take
the white one, that's a good choice.

All right, now, we've done
the Bigfoot groundwork.

Now we need to get up
to higher ground.

Why? Do you want to ride the bikes,
yes or no?


So, now Matt wanted us to climb
the nearest mountain.

Still, could be worse.

This is so much fun!

And it's so fast!


With backing from some of Tesla's
guys who, let's face it,

know a thing or two about making
electric stuff go fast,

Alta has been quietly taking
the motocross world by storm.

Normally, I just hate the fact
that there's no petrol engine,

but in this I just don't miss it.

I don't either,
I've got to be honest.

And if you're a total novice like
me, you don't have to use the gears.

Yeah, there's no clutch, no nothing.

Super, super smooth.

I love it.

But the cutting edge
of two-wheeled off-roading...

That's outrageous!

..does come at a premium.

It's a little pricey
for a dirt bike.

12 grand.

For the technology,
12 grand seems like good value.

Without a doubt, this is the most
impressive thing I've been on or in

that has an electric motor.

It's magnificent.

And it's so quiet.

Oh, what a thing!

What a way to save the planet.

This is definitely the future.

I'm blown away at the performance,
I've got to say.

But then...

Whoa, stop, stop, stop, stop!

..from the sublime to...

That could be Bigfoot poop.

Oh, come on!

I'm telling you, totally could be.

He's walking along here.

It's got all kinds of nuts.

It looks like human food in it.

Don't see any doughnut.

Oh, really?


It smells like BLEEP.


Can we just get to the top of
wherever we're going, please?

All right. All right, I'll tell you
what, hotshot, I'll race you.

First one to the top wins.

Ready? Yeah. Go!

The race was on,
but straight away...I had a problem.


He really is a bit handy
at this whole biking thing.

Stop hitting me with rocks!

Sorry. I'm nothing like as good
as him.

But I've got two things on my side.

One, sanity.

Two, guile.

I can feel a short cut
coming on here.

But the trouble with short cuts

Where do we go here?

..there's usually a good reason

why they aren't just called
"the way".

Oh, this is a nightmare.

Where is he?

Where is he? Where is he?

There he is!

Where did he come from?

I've got to stay ahead of him.

I've got to stay ahead of him.
I can't hear him.

I'm right behind you!

Right, I've just got to stay
in front of him for as long

as possible, haven't I?

Oh, he's not looking
where he's going!

Oh, I've gone wide here!

Oh! Through,
on the back wheel as well!

I got him! I got him!
You cheeky sod!

Oh, the dust isn't good.

Now I can't see anything.

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! I see the top.

Where's he gone?

Where do you... Oh, it's up here.

Please have fallen off.
Please have fallen off.

No, he's not fallen off.


Oh! Excellent!

With a pro dismount at the top! Yes!

We'd made it to the top
of the mountain.

And as the sun set on our first day
in the forest, there was just one

important job left to do.

we were going to talk to Bigfoot.


OK, you have a go.

I'm sorry? Give it a try.

Really? Yeah.



There sure are a lot of places
for Bigfoot to hide out there.

What would you do
if you saw a Bigfoot?

Well, I guess it depends
what kind of mood he was in.

He's angry. Well, I guess
I'd run like hell.

Yeah, but it says here,
in your Bigfoot field guide,

that you have no chance whatsoever

of outrunning an adult male Bigfoot.

Who said I had to outrun Bigfoot?

I only have to outrun you.

Oh, dear.

And we'll pick up that utter
insanity later in the show.

Oh, OK. Now it is time to put a star
in our reasonably fast car.

He's an award-winning comedian,

he's the star of Not Going Out

and he holds two
Guinness World Records...for darts.

Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Lee Mack.

Hello. How are you?
Hello. Have a seat.

All right. Welcome. Welcome.
I agree with you, by the way.

I think Bigfoot does exist.

Good. It's America, isn't it?
Anything can happen in America.

I wouldn't be surprised
if he's your next President.

All right. All right. All right.

So, it's your first time here,

First time, yeah.

And you went out on the track
with Chris for a little training.

How did that go?
That was pretty scary.

Yeah? I don't know about you,
but I find it quite nerve-racking

if you're driving when someone grabs
the steering wheel.

He had to grab the wheel?
He had to grab the wheel.

I hope that's what he was
aiming for. Where were you going?


Because it was hard enough
concentrating without that,

do you know what I mean?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But I did look tense, to be fair.

Yeah. Let's take a look.

Lee Mack. Hi. Great to have you
at the Top Gear track.

It's great.
In our reasonably fast car.

Here we go. Go.
Remember the hand position.

Mirror, signal, indicate.
Hand position.

Oh, it's all right,
I've got a spare clutch.

Right, let's go. Look at this.

Remember that hand position.
Quarter to three.

Bollocks to the hand position.
That was fifth gear.

I've gone to third too early,
have I? You've gone to fifth.

Second to fifth. What do I do now?

You're going to go up to the 100m
board. Am I in the right gear? No,

totally the wrong gear. I don't
mean the jeans and the shirt.

Keep going round to the 100,
follow round to the 50,

at the arrow we're taking a left.

Do I need to worry
about brakes at this stage?

No. Go sharp left now.
Arrow, taking left.

Fourth gear. There's a man
in the middle of the road!

Oh, it's a cameraman.
Left, fourth gear.

Around there. Left here.
Between the tyres.

I'm getting into this.
Round to the right afterwards.

What do you mean? Don't hit
the tyres. Don't hit the tyres!

Over to the right-hand side.

Did you pass your driving test
first time?

I passed my driving test
the second time.

I took it in Wales
because I was working in Wales.

I got the sack, went back to London,
thought, "I've put it in now,

"I might as well go back." "What did
I get the sack for?" I hear you ask.

What? I was a holiday camp
entertainer at a caravan site.

To the left. And I did something
I shouldn't have done!

Oh! I can't tell you in the car!

All you have to know is, I was so
angry, I put a fish behind the sofa

so the next people coming
would smell it.

I talk a lot when I'm nervous.

Over here. What the frick
are you doing with my hand?

There, go, tyres, grass.
That's it. That cannot be allowed.

I had to intervene. Over there.

What? This is chaos.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Anyone want a lift? I've stalled it.

That felt when I was in the car like
I was going like a rocket, but that

hardly looked like I was moving.

Sometimes when it looks slow,
it's really fast.

I don't think that's one
of those times.

All right, now, there is another
thing we need to talk about

because what did you put in Room
101 a few years ago?

Top Gear.

Well, thanks for stopping by.

No, come on, what happened?
It was a mistake.

I actually meant to put in Friends.

That would have made more sense.

I handed them the wrong tape.

They put it in the wrong thing.
Sometimes that happens.

Right, I pointed out on the show

that it wasn't Top Gear that I was
putting in.

I might not be good at
driving, but I'm good at reversing

into cul-de-sacs, watch this.

I put in the ridiculous interest
people have in cars.

I like cars but for different
reasons, perhaps, than these -

let's call them lunatics.

Like, I like service stations.

I like a nice travel rug.

I like a nodding dog.

What I don't want to see is speed.

It's not fast and furious, it's sort
of slow and indifferent.

You're all looking at me... I feel
like I'm in a zombie film.

Everyone's just staring at me,
about to get me.

Yeah. I like other things
connected with cars.

But don't you own a classic car?

I do own a classic car, yeah.

What is it?

It's a Triumph TR4A,
which is unusual to say that

after saying you're not that
interested in cars.

There it is. Do you still drive it?

I still drive... Well,
I did until 48 hours ago

because we moved house, and
on the day we moved house,

it went up in flames.

For insurance reasons?

What are you suggesting?
I don't know.

I'm nervous enough being on
this show anyway because I told

the insurance people
I was a postman.

What do you mean, it went up
in flames?

What happened? Well, I was moving it
and I hadn't driven it

for a few weeks, and I was thinking,

"Why isn't it starting,
and why am I smelling fire?"

Those two things were connected,
I found out.

Yeah? The engine was on fire,
but I didn't realise,

so I popped the bonnet.
Pop! Like that.

But it doesn't come up, does it?
It goes... Pop! Ah.

I had to get my fingers
underneath it. It was boiling hot!

I was trying to find the... Ah, ah!

I eventually got it open and then me
and my son, we'd packed everything,

we were moving. So, an empty pint
bottle, milk bottle, in, fill it up,

run out... In and out...

It took a good few minutes before
we managed to put that fire out.

Damage? Well, he burned his hand
but, you know, what the hell?


All right, there's a new series
of Not Going Out, yeah?

There is a new series.
Thursday nights, nine o'clock.

And in fact, I'm already writing
the one for the new series

next year, and genuinely true...

This probably isn't the time
or place,

but I have written an episode

..a good-looking American man

moves in next door

and my wife takes a shine to him.

And I was wondering...

..if you've got David Schwimmer's

I was wondering
if you would like to...

I mean, obviously we wouldn't hold
you to it, but it would be a sort of

verbal contract - whether
you would come and do the show.

What do you think? I'm not asking
Chris, no disrespect.

Yeah. I haven't got a lazy eye.

I'm aiming this at you,
Matt LeBlanc.

You're seriously asking me
to come and do your show?

I'm asking you to do one episode of
my sitcom Not Going Out to be filmed

any time between 1st of December,

I mean, we don't have to get into
the admin now, but I have brought a

contract if you'd like to sign it.

OK. Yes!

He's in!

And by the end of the episode,
we prove the existence of Bigfoot.

I'm in. Right, there you go.

I am in. All right, shall we see
a clip of Not Going Out?

Please do, yeah. All right,
let's show the clip.

Bridge! Mum, he's trying to annoy

That's because all men are hideous!

Bridge! Stop it, Charlie.

It's not bridge!

Can we all stop shouting, please?

Bridge! She just said it's not

I feel sick!

But, Daddy...
Yes, Charlie, what is it?


Well, that, you see,

that is the reality of cars,
isn't it? That's the reality.

When you've got three kids, I don't
care what the suspension's like.

The kids being in the car overpowers
everything about cars.

Yeah. Yeah, but if you give
them a comfortable car with great

suspension, they give you less pain.

You haven't met my kids, have you?

All right, I think we should get
down to business.

OK, I'm nervous about this.

Time to see your lap.
How do you think you did?

I reckon I'm in the top two.

Top two? Yeah, of all time.

Judging by that training video,
I would say...

..that's a stretch.

Let's have a look and see.

OK, good off the line,
but then a bit of a stumble there.

Right, just remember,
if you go fast,

girls find you more attractive.

That's not true.

OK, following round now, cheeky
line, you cut the corner a bit.

You're running wide.

Whoa! I've lost control
of the mother chuffer!

I'm back in control.
Everyone, calm down.

Oh, you beast!

Get in there! Right, go, go, go!

Round Chicago.

Quite wide.

And you appear to be in about
eighth gear.

Go up here now, just keep
accelerating, sunshine.

Don't worry about your health
and safety.

I'd say, steady and safe.

It's all right, for you, isn't it,

with your feet up in the studio?

I'd get out of the way if I was you,

Oh! I could do with a drinks break.

Oh, my God!

Second to last,
the trickiest corner, for me.

Why isn't there any road signs
in this place?

And over the line
in a controlled manner.

I'd like to change my statement

and say that there are
some very sensible girls out there

that now find me attractive.

That was sensible driving,
wasn't it? Yeah.

Some of the racing greats

have always looked slow, but they
were going fast. Alain Prost.

They made it look easy, and maybe,
just maybe, you're in that camp.

Yeah, I don't think I've ever been
patronised as much as that moment.

Leaderboard, what do you think?

If you had to make a prediction,
where would you be?

I'm going to say it starts
with a one, yeah?

Tell me, yeah,
that's all I want to hear.

It starts with a one. Come on!

All right, you did it...
I'm going 1...


Am I way off?

You can't just make up your own

Let's put me down for a 1:49.
Ladies and gentlemen,

you've been a lovely audience,
see you next week on Top Gear.

I love it. 1:49.

What is it? It's so funny.

This is like my favourite part, to
hold this and watch people squirm.

You are evil, aren't you?
Yeah, I really am.

Yeah. All right, Lee Mack,
you did it in a 1:55...


Behind... Can I finish?

In a 1:55.2.

That puts you...right there. Wow.


But you had fun. I had fun. You had
fun. That's all that matters.

It's relegation zone,
but that's all right.

Ladies and gentlemen, Lee Mack.

Now, let's talk city cars.

There are loads of them out there,
but they all pretty much look

the same and cost
pretty much the same.

So, how do you choose which one
you should buy?

0-60? Not important,
you're in a city.

Top speed? Not important,
you're in a city.

But I have a foolproof method
to decide which city car to buy,

and earlier today I headed out
on to our track to demonstrate.

There's only one thing that matters
in a city car.

Reverse parking.

So, we're going to have
a reversing race.

One lap of the Top Gear short track.

Hammerhead, the follow-through,
and Chicago...backwards.

With windows completely blacked out,

we'll been navigating by rear-view
camera alone.

I'll be in the Suzuki Swift, and
driving the Ford Fiesta, Mr Happy.

Well, this is absolute madness.

I mean, he's had bad ideas
in the past, and dangerous ideas.

But this combines both.

Are you ready?
This is going to be great.

This is going to be anything
but great.

Three, two, one...
What the...? Reverse!

No, no, no, no, no!


No! Completely lost it.

I don't know where I am.
I have no idea where I am.

Oh, it's going a bit quicker
than I thought!


Oh, my God.

Hunt him down. Here we go. Oh!

Bollocks. Oh, BLEEP hell.

Sorry! No, no, no, no, no!

Oh! Oh! No!

I can't tell you how
fast 37 feels going backwards!



Here we go. Here we go. Now,
I don't actually know where I am.

I was using him as a guide.

Is this right?

I reckon the finish line
is about there.

Yes! Rory Reid, nailed.

Have I won?

I won, right? No.

Who won? No, you came second.

Oh. What have we learned?

We've learned that if you want
to have a backwards race in a car

that you can't see out of the front

the Fiesta's the superior vehicle.

I'm going to agree with that. Yeah.

And if you want a car
with a reversing camera

that's basically the quality
of a pirate VHS, then, yeah,

go for the Swift. Right, let's go.

I feel a bit sick.
I'm not surprised.

I'm going to walk.
That's a good point.

I can't see out of it. Let's leave
it there. I'll walk too.

OK, now, earlier on, we were
in the California woods

with a whole bunch of off-road toys.
And an invisible gorilla.

Why do you have to be like that?
We agreed not to use the G word.

Let's just get back to the film,

where the hunt was about to get
a lot more serious.

You're an asshole.


Daybreak in the wilderness.

Predictably enough,
our bait traps lay undisturbed.

Nevertheless, I had woken early,
wondering what new madness Matt had

planned in his hunt for Bigfoot.

OK, the story so far.

No sleep at all last night
cos the bugs are really,

really big and angry.

As for the noises, there's some
terrible noises out in the woods.

I mean, I don't believe
in the Bigfoot thing,

but big, loud, angry noises.

Don't forget to floss. Jesus!

How long have you been there?
A long time.

What are you doing?!

Getting serious
about finding Bigfoot.

You've lost your mind!


It's on.

Time to bring out the big guns.

Come on.

Showtime. You wait there.

Something had triggered
my bait traps.

And if it was what I thought it was,

I had just the tools
to track it down.

Oh, yeah.

For me.

Cool, right? That thing's awesome.

Look at the suspension on it!

What has he got for me?

How big is that trailer?!

And who's that guy?
Come on, let's go.

No, no, no, no, no. Wait there.
Who's this guy here?

Has he been in there the whole time?
Yeah, yeah, he's very patient.

That's Stuart, he's your pilot.

You're going to be my eyes
in the sky.

Why does an ATV need a pilot,

It flies. It flies?

Yeah. I hate flying.

I know. Come on, let's go.

You find some open ground and big
Stu will take care of the rest.

Go, go, go, go. Go!

This is the Can-Am X3 XRS Turbo R.

This is the fastest, most extreme
ATV you can buy right now.

0-60 in under five seconds,
on the dirt.

Flat-out, it'll do about 90mph.

It's quick!

At 20 grand, the Maverick
isn't exactly cheap.

But, trust me,

you'll be having way too much fun
to care.

I love this thing!

There's these big bumps
and I feel like I should lift,

but I don't need to, I can carry
flat-out speed through all of this.

It's incredible.


And this is the SkyRunner.

Nowhere near as fast
as the Maverick,

but £100,000 does apparently
buy you a flying car.

That is quite a concept.

And finding some flat ground,

it was time for big Stu
to do whatever it is he does.

Right, I think this is where you
take over, OK?

This might be the time to tell you
that I don't like flying much.

Especially when all the important
bits appear to have come

from a camping shop.
Anything else I should know?

In case of emergency,
your exits are here and here.

I'm not sure about this.

But big Stu...was.

That's quite potent there.


Oh, my Lord!


Wow! Wow!

It's a flying car.
It's a flying car!

There's a point at which fascination
meets terror,

and I'm slightly there.


That's a bit close to the trees.

Meanwhile, back IN the trees...

Hey, Chris, how's it going up there,
buddy? The world has gone mad... a really good way!

All right, well, I need you to tell
me where that thing is.

Where are you? Where are you?

OK, I've got two trails of dust down
there. How far away am I?

About 400 metres ahead of you.

OK, OK, I think I can close that.

I don't know what it is,
but it's fast.

It's furiously fast.

Which way do I go up here?

OK, it's a left turn.

A left turn. Left?

300 metres. 300 metres, OK, good.

Next right. You've got to take the
next right. Got it!

200 metres. Are you sure
I'm on the right road? 100 metres.

I don't see any dust yet.

You're heading straight for it.

But then we discovered
it wasn't Bigfoot

that had triggered the alarm,

it was something else.

Whoa. What is that?

Chris, can you see what it is?

What is it? All I can see is dust.

Determined to find out
who had been messing with my traps,

we gave chase.

I can't see good enough
to get any closer.

You've got to speed up.
You've got to speed up, mate.

It's shooting grapefruit-size
rocks at me.

Whoa. This is...

This is so sketchy.

I'm going to have to back off.

We're not going to catch him
like this.

We're not going to catch him
like this. We need to land.

We need to get down there
to block him off. Good idea.

Land that thing.

So, we sped ahead of the dust trails
and found a clearing.

OK, here comes the landing.
Here comes the landing.

I'm going to hold on.



There we go.

Right, let's get out of here.

I'll just leave you to...

Thank you. Sorry.

With Chris now back
in his comfort zone...

Woo-hoo-hoo! ..I kept up the pursuit
from the rear and he closed in

from the front.
All right, I'm coming.

I'm coming. OK, great.
Where is he?

Come on.

And finally, with our trap set...

What is that?

..there was nowhere else to run.

Oh, we got you.

Whoa! Did you see that?

It's the Stig.

No, it isn't. I get it.
It's Stigfoot.


The producers, unbelievable.

They're having a laugh, aren't they?


You saw that, right? Yeah.

I'll tell you, those were
such cool vehicles.

So cool. And you know what my
favourite was?

The electric dirt bikes.

The Altas. How cool were those?

So fast and so quiet.

Yeah. You could hear the birds

you could hear the rustle
in the bushes.

You could hear the crack of Chris's
head on the rock when he fell off.

They were great.
They are the future.

Yeah. And what about the SHERP,
though? Oh. It's unstoppable.

You could invade a country
with that thing.

Yeah, and, like a good one too,
like a Sweden.

Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

I love all the off-road stuff,
that was great.

But I need to know, at the end,
what was in the bushes?

What did you see?
I don't know, Chris.

What did you see?
I don't know what I saw.

But it was something, right?

Was it a bear? No.

Was it a gorilla? No.

Was it big? Yes.

Did it have feet? Yes.

That's good enough for me.
You're in the club.

You're next. OK, that's all we have
time for tonight.

On next week's show, it's all about

as we explore the weird
and wonderful cars

from the Land of the Rising Sun.

See you then. Good night.