To the Manor Born (1979–2007): Season 2, Episode 3 - Never Be Alone - full transcript

Ned?
Yes, Mrs Forbes?

How are you getting on up there?
Fine, thank you.

Good view of the hunt from here.

Never mind the hunt.
You're supposed to be fixing the roof.

(Bugle blows)

Ned?

Ah-hal

Ned, what is the extent of the damage?

Can't tell from here, ma'am.
Quite a tumble it was, though.

I'm talking about the roof.

Roof? Oh, sorry, ma'am. Just happened to catch
someone going over a hedge in Pewy Fields.



Leastways, he went over but the horse didn't.

I wish you'd concentrate on
what you're supposed to be doing.

Oh, not much I can do, ma'am.

I reckon it's a professional job.

(Bugle blows)

Hello, Aud.
Hello.

Everything all right?

My house is falling about my ears.

Literally.

(Cheers)

It's nothing to cheer about, Ned.
It's Mr DeVere, ma'am. Bad luck, sir.

Poor Richard. Did you fall?

The horse tripped over
one of those damned dogs.

Hounds.
Are you all right?



I think so.
No damage, I hope?

Well, I'm a bit sore round...

That's a relief.

And what about...
The hedge? No, that's not damaged either.

And you?

Oh, me? Oh, I'm just a bit shaken, that's all.

I think you're terribly brave.

Nothing fo it.
A matter of gravity more than anything.

I know, the ground comes up at you
frightfully fast.

You know what you've got to do?
What's that?

Get straight back on.

I was rather hoping to have a hot bath
and a large whisky.

Later.
You've got to get your confidence back first.

I was hoping the whisky would do that.
Never works.

Come on, into the saddle. Lend a hand, Marj.

And ride all the way home.
Oh, I don't think so.

You'll never make a horseman otherwise.

I'll give you a leg-up. Foot in the stirrup.

Are you sure this is the right thing to do?

Of course. Up you go.

Comfy?

You've got to let the horse know who's master.

(Laughter)

I'm so glad Richard is hunting.

He may be hopeless, but it does give one
some confidence that he's settling down.

You shouldn't have bullied him like that.
I was doing it for his own good.

We both had to go through it.
Yes, but we were girls.

That's no reason why men
shouldn't try and keep up with us.

I've got something to tell you.
Ooh, goody.

(Crashing)

Ned!

Ned, are you all right?

Yes, Mrs Forbes.

I think you'd better come down while
I've still got some of my roof over my head.

All right, Mrs Forbes. I'll put a plastic sheet
over it. That ought to keep the worst of it out.

Thank you.

That roof...

Every time it rains,
it pours into the spare bedroom.

What have you got to tell me?
I have had a letter from Podge.

Podge?
Podge Hodge from school.

Oh, super!

I've got the school mag here.

Podge wants me to put her up for the weekend.

She's in here. Are you going fo?
What?

Put her up.

Looks as if I have to.
She sounds in a bit of a state.

Look.

Pollett, née Hodge.

Ooh, under Forthcoming Divorces.

She mentioned that.
Do you want me to do anything?

No, kettle won't be long.

This is absolutely disgraceful.
What is?

My name bandied about all over the place.

It's Old Girls' News. That's what it's for.

I grant you the school magazine may be
for news, but it is not for scandal.

What scandal?
I am under Changes of Circumstance.

"Since the death of her husband,
Audrey has left Grantleigh Manor,

and moved down the drive."

They'll think I live in a pothole.

Where do they get all this information?
The area secretaries send it in.

Oh, do they?
And just who is this area's secretary?

lam.

You took it upon yourself
fo broadcast that to the world?

Not the world, just the old girls.

They'll all be telephoning now.

Next summer they'll come down in hordes
to commiserate with me

on the way to their holiday homes in Cornwall.

What's more,
they'll expect me to give them lunch.

You used to like seeing your old school friends.

Up at the Manor, yes.

There I could cope with
their stockbroker husbands,

and their 17 children spilling Ribena
on the carpet,

and blocking the downstairs lavatory.

The only thing I couldn't stand
was them using my school nickname.

Oh, yes.
Don't you dare.

Why not? I didn't mind being called Bonebag.

Yours wasn't as bad as mine.

Come and have some coffee.

Well, I think you've got off jolly lightly.

A lot of other people have got far worse things
in here than you.

Fiona Coutts for instance, doing a sandwich
course for mature students at the polytechnic.

Then there's Morwena Fairbrother having
to send her two boys to the local school.

Where does she live now?
Harrow.

And then there's Jane...
No. No more, Marjory.

I shall get it all from Podge.
You know what she's like.

Poor Podge. Her marriage didn't last.

Well, that doesn't surprise me.

She always thought more of her horses
than she did of her men.

She probably fed her husband on bran mash,
and groomed him with a curry comb.

I was surprised to hear she'd got married at all.

She wasn't very attractive, was she?

Let's not mince words, Marjory.
She had a face like a ship's boiler.

What's more, she was built like one.

She was jolly good fun, wasn't she?
Oh, yes, we had a marvellous time.

Podge, Bonebag and...

Marjory.

You are not to use that name ever.

Oh, all right.

Oh, it'll be super to see Podge again.

It's all very well for you, but I've got to cope with
her in this rabbit hutch. Where will I put her?

You've got a spare room.
The rain comes in.

Ned's room.
He's an old man, Marjory.

You can't turn him out of his bed.
Besides, he might leave me.

I'm not turning Bertie out of his basket either.

Someone's got to move.

If only I could move back there,
the problem wouldn't arise.

I mean, there's DeVere
rattling around in those 58 rooms,

and here's me in a two-up two-down.

Ironic, isn't it?

You're not going to put Podge off?
No, of course not.

That would be a grave dereliction of duty.

Poor Podge. She's trying to rebuild a new life
from the ruins of her past.

We must treat her just as we would
any other social casualty.

Like me, for instance.

Suppose we ask Richard to put her up.

Richard?
Why not? He's got all those empty bedrooms.

Even if he agrees, do you think that's wise?
Wise?

Well, you'd be, so to speak,
handing Richard another woman on a plate.

He might take advantage.

Of Podge?!

She'd flatten him.

Apart from which,
I do credit him with a little taste.

You're right.
It's the perfect answer.

She sleeps at the Manor,
and the rest of the time she spends here.

We cheer her up,
and help her get back on her feet.

Exactly.

Did you ride all the way home yesterday?

Yes.
Well done.

Not quite all the way.
Oh, Richard, it's only a few hundred yards.

Surely you didn't get off
the moment we were out of sight?

No, I didn't get off. I fell off.

Look, I was wondering...

Yes?

Next Saturday
the Meet's going fo be here at the Manor,

and I was wondering whether
you'd be hunting that day.

I don't think I can manage it.
Pity. I'd have valued your help.

I think I need to go out
with somebody experienced.

I've got this old school friend coming to stay.

Does she hunt?
Incessantly.

Well, perhaps she could keep an eye on me.

What a good idea.
Podge is a first-class horsewoman.

Podge?

That was her nickname at school.
Podge Hodge.

But there is a problem.
Yes, I can imagine.

No, really.

You see, I've got a few tiles loose.
Well, you said it.

Sorry.

I'm trying to ask you a favour.
Of course. Anything.

Do you think you could give Podge a bed
for the weekend?

Be glad to. A double bed?

Yes, I think that should just about fit her.

You see, I've only got one spare room, and the
rain's coming in, but you've got 24 bedrooms,

seven bathrooms, and a laundry room here.

At least. Mark you,
the rain's coming in to some of those as well.

I thought you'd done the roof.
Not all of it.

But I think I can find a dry bedroom.
What about the Chinese room?

Oh, yes, she'd like that. It'll help her relax.

She's just getting over
a particularly unsavoury divorce.

A gay divorcée. That sounds promising.

Don't get excited, Richard.

Podge is a very dear friend, but...

I have to admit, she's no oil painting.

And if she's hunting with you you're going to
have to find her a very large horse.

She doesn't have to hunt with me, you know.
She'd like it. It'd cheer her up no end.

It's the whole point of her coming, so Marjory
and I can help her get back on her feet.

She won't be any trouble.

Just sleep here, and eat with me.
And hunt with me.

You are a sport. Look, why don't you come over
on Friday for a drink when she arrives?

We'll arrange everything between us.

I'll bring a bottle.
I don't think Podge has got a drink problem.

On the other hand, I have.
A bottle will be very welcome.

Ooh!

Um... That's me there.

Ah, you haven't changed a bit.

Haven't I?

No, you look just as young,
and every bit as pretty.

Oh, gosh!

There's Audrey.

And there she is again. Look.

Well, which one is Audrey?

They both are. She did it for a bet.

Well, neither of her have changed either.

And this is Podge.

Podge Hodge?

Yes, she's such fun.

That's the girl I'm hunting with tomorrow, is it?

She was always the anchor man
in the school tug of war team.

Poor Viscount.
Viscount who?

Viscount,
the horse she's going to be riding tomorrow.

Oh.

I found Martin's old hunting things.

What do you want those for?
They're for Podge, of course.

She'd never get into mine.

And Martin won't need these any more, even
if he has gone to the happy hunting ground.

(Audrey laughs)

It's all right.
Martin was always making jokes like that.

Yes, these are just about the right size.

I'll get Ned to press them.
(Bell rings)

Oh, that's probably her! Oh, how super.

Don't get so excited, Marjory.
Ned will open the door.

Yes, Ned'll squeeze her in somehow.

That'll do, Richard. I shall expect you
to treat her like a normal human being.

We've got fo try and bring her out, rehabilitate
her, help her get her confidence back.

As if she'd fallen off a horse.

Yes, I should imagine going through a divorce
is exactly like falling off a horse.

Mrs Hodge, madam.

Audrey! How lovely to see you.

Podge...

You haven't changed a bit.

Thank you.

Marjory! Neither have you.

Haven't I?

Not a bit. Oh, this is fun, isn't it?
All old girls together.

Well, not quite.

Podge, this is Richard DeVere.

How do you do, Mrs Hodge?

Miss Hodge. I've gone back to my maiden name
since my divorce. Do you live near here?

Very near. Next door, in fact.

Oh, so you've got the Manor now?

I don't believe it.
How do you get from WXXXX down to that?

And looking so pretty too.

Won't you both sit down?

I understand you're going to be
staying the whole weekend.

Yes.
Couldn't be better.

Um...

Podge, now I have got a problem with my roof,

so if you were thinking of
driving on somewhere...

Oh, no, absolutely no problem.
We've arranged everything, haven't we?

Oh, have we?

Don't you remember? Miss Hodge will eat here,
and sleep at the Manor. In the Chinese room.

That would be lovely.
Have you many people staying?

No, just you and me.

It gets better.

We've been planning to make your weekend
as enjoyable as possible.

Richard.
It's all right.

I'm just getting the programme sorted out.

Audrey says you might enjoy hunting with me
tomorrow.

That was very thoughtful of you, Audrey.

I haven't brought anything to ride in.
Or on for that matter.

That's all been taken care of.

I'm providing the horse,
and Audrey's going to lend you her riding things.

Mine?

Oh, yes, of course. Mine.
I'll get them out for you later.

And if Audrey's things are too big for you,
I'm sure...

..I'm sure Marjory could find something,
couldn't you?

What? Oh, yes, of course.

You're being terribly kind.

These were just Audrey's instructions,
and we just jumped to it, didn't we?

Yes, I suppose we did.

I'm sure you've got things to do, Richard.

Nothing that can't be cancelled.

I'm afraid I can't ask you to dine with us
at such short notice.

It'll upset Ned's arrangements.

Besides, you'd be dreadfully bored.
All that girl talk.

Right.

If you'd just like to come over when you're ready.
I usually have an early night before I go hunting.

It's all right. I'l bring Podge over.
There's no need for you to stay up.

I'll make sure you're called in plenty of time
in the morning. Tea or coffee?

Tea.
Indian, Ceylon, Chinese, Lapsang Souchong?

If I'm in the Chinese room,
it had better be China.

Milk?
Please.

Cow's, goat's, camel's?
Richard...

You must forgive him.

He always talks in lists.
He's in the grocery business.

Oh, Ned, Mr DeVere is just leaving.

Yes, well, I'll leave all you...old girls together.

Good night.
Good night.

I say, what an absolutely smashing man.

Well, I think we'd better warn you about him.

He's not quite himself at the moment.

No. He's still getting over the loss of his wife.

He's extremely demoralised,
and he leans on us a good deal.

Yes, we're looking after him.

Eventually we hope to
rehabilitate him completely,

but at the moment he mustn't be upset
in any way at all.

Poor man.

Still, aren't you lucky?
Lucky?

Having a man like that on the doorstep.
You could do a lot worse for yourself, Audrey.

But I don't suppose the gay divorcée can tell the
merry widow anything she doesn't know already.

I'm not exactly a merry widow.

Poor Audrey. She misses the Manor dreadfully.

I am sorry. It must have been very distressing.

It was. Inconvenient, too.

I'd just had a new lot of writing paper printed.

Rotten luck about your divorce, Podge.

Oh, on the contrary, booting out the old man
was the best thing I ever did.

Now I'm footloose and fancy-free
for the first time in my life.

Oh, I forgot. Can I fetch Twinkle in?
Twinkle?

He's my dog. He's no trouble.
You don't mind dogs, do you?

No, we love them.
I'll fetch him from the car.

Won't be a moment.

We've got to stop this.

Did you see the looks
she and Richard gave each other?

We can't allow them to be alone at the Manor.

I did warn you.
We'll say there's been a frightful mistake.

That we forgot it was full moon tonight,
and DeVere is liable to go off his head.

So we've put her in Ned's room for safety.
With Ned.

No. No...

Ned can sleep on the sofa.
But you said...

This is an emergency.
Ned will sleep on the sofa.

Right.

Twinkle, come on.

He's no trouble. He can sleep on the sofa.

(Knocking)

Good morning.

Room service. China tea as ordered.

It's nearly eight o'clock, Miss Hodge.

Come along. Wakey-wakey, rise and shine.

Lovely hunting weather.

Beautiful, crisp morning.

Miss Hodge?

Miss Ho...

(Laughs)

Miss Hodge?

Oh, good morning, sir.
What the Devil...

Mrs Forbes sent me over.
She's sub-let my room.

Miss Frobisher's here, madam.

I came to see if there was anything I could do.
Hello, Marjory.

I sent Podge off half an hour ago,
and she's not at the Meet yet.

I bet she's still in the stables with DeVere.

Excuse me, madam, will you be wanting me?
I'd like to follow the hunt for a bit.

Of course. Off you go. Enjoy yourself.
Thank you, madam.

By the way, how did you sleep?
Oh, not very well, madam, no.

That bed was too comfortable.

Sorry about that.

There's still no sign of them,
and the hunt's moving off now.

MARJORY: You shouldn't have let Podge go.

I managed to keep her here last night.
I can hardly lock her up all day as well.

Oh, there they are!

Ohl

I must say, they don't seem terribly keen.

On what?
On hunting.

They're right at the back on their own.

Oh, dear.
Tired already?

I didn't sleep a wink last night. The bed
was full of nutmegs and copper bangles.

That'll be for Old Ned's rheumatism.

He gave me a nasty shock this morning,
I can tell you.

They gave me some of Ned's homemade wine.
Ah...

So that's what happened.
Yes. Sorry. Frightfully rude of me.

Well, there's always tonight, Miss Hodge.

You don't have to call me Miss Hodge.

Well, I can't call you...Podge.

My name's Diana. I was only Podge at school.

Mind you, I was a lot bigger then.

Yes, I saw the photograph.

They showed you that?

Oh, now you know why they called me Podge!

I think it was jolly unfair.

Oh, it was nothing compared with
Audrey's nickname.

What was that?
She said I wasn't to use it.

Really?

Oh, you can trust me.

I won't tell anyone, promise.

Please!

Allright.

No!
Yes!

Something will have to be done.

How did you get here?
On my bicycle.

May I borrow it?
What for?

I'm going after them.
On a bicycle? You?

(Bugle blows)

(Dogs bark)

There goes Charlie Fox,
heading for Ascombe Woods.

The pack's gaining on him, though.

He doesn't stand a chance
if he goes to ground in there.

There's the Master, going round the other side.

Charlie's beaten him to it, though.
He's through the other side.

And good for Charlie, he's losing them.

Brigadier leading the field, Ned?

Yes, Mrs Forbes.

The rest is in a bunch.

Except for two falling behind at the back.

Oh, where are they off to?

Going into Little Spinney.

They must be after something.
That's very possible.

If my sight's anything to go by, I'd say... Oh!

They've spotted Charlie again.

He's off up to Upper Swell. Come on, lads.

(Bugle blows and dogs bark)

(Screams)

Do you know what time it is?
Yes. It's...

You know perfectly well what I mean.

Where on earth can they be?

I expect they've got lost.
Don't be ridiculous.

Don't snap at me.
You were supposed to be following them.

Have you ever tried riding a bicycle
across a ploughed field?

I thought it looked rather bent.

I'l get Ned to straighten it out.

I don't know why you didn't borrow a horse
and go after them.

In Martin's hunting kit?

Why didn't you hunt today?

I told you. Gallop is lame.
Besides, the Master keeps swearing at me.

It's sex, that's what it is.

I don't think so.

It's because he always keeps getting in my way.

Do pay attention, Marjory.

I'm talking about DeVere.

Oh, with Podge. Yes.

Not in the dark, surely?

The dark is no obstacle.

The cold might be a bit inhibiting, though.

Well, you don't like competition, do you?

That's not the point. It is our duty to save
Richard from making a terrible mistake.

Podge is not the girl she used to be.

That's true.
You heard what she said.

Footloose and fancy-free.

I don't want somebody like that at the Manor.
Do we?

No, we don't.

(Voices)
There they are.

Don't get excited, Marjory.

A chilly reception is what they deserve,
and that's what they're going to get.

They're back, madam.

Here we are one old school friend
delivered safe and sound.

Good hunting, was it?
We enjoyed it, didn't we?

Oh, yes.
Where did you find?

Find what?
The fox.

Oh, the fox. We were trailing all the time.

I was teaching him a few tricks.
He's a quick learner, I'll say that.

Really?

Yes, he'll have much more confidence
next time.

Well, I'd better go and get changed.

Yes, you'd better. Dinner won't be long.

Oh, when is it?
Half an hour ago.

Ned is very cross.
I'm awfully sorry. You shouldn't have waited.

We had a snack in the pub.

Well, thank you, Richard. It was a lovely day.

Marjory, will you go upstairs with Podge
and deal with my wet things?

Allright.

Come on, Podge.

Well, I think I'l sit down.

(Richard sighs)

Why are you so late?

We've been enjoying ourselves.
I was afraid you might.

That was the general idea, wasn't it? I was
doing it for you. She's cheered up quite a lot.

She doesn't need cheering up.
You said that she did.

It's all been a dreadful mistake. I didn't know.

Why? What's happened?

I can scarcely bring myself to say this
about a fellow old girl, but...

Podge is a fallen woman.

She's only out for what she can get.
She's eaten bigger men than you for breakfast.

She didn't get much of a chance this morning,
did she? You saw fo that.

I was trying to protect you.

You see, you're playing with fire, Richard.

She'll play fast and loose with you,

she'll grab what she can while the going's good,
and then she'll disappear.

She's going tomorrow.
There's always tonight.

Oh, I see. That's what's bothering you, is it?
Her staying at the Manor.

I admit we're getting on quite well, but there's
absolutely nothing like that, I can assure you.

I wish I could be certain.
You have my word as a gentleman.

And a grocer.

Don't joke about it, Richard.
I am very concerned.

Well, you have no need to be, I promise you.

I've hung up your things to dry,
and Ned's banging things about in the kitchen.

He's absolutely furious.
Well, tell him we're going to eat now.

Right.

Well, I'd better get off.

We do understand each other, Richard,
don't we?

Absolutely. Just one thing. Please don't
send Ned over to sleep at the Manor tonight.

He gave me the fright of my life.

Are we eating or aren't we?
Yes, Ned, we are.

How many?
Three. Mr DeVere's just going.

Right. I'll see you out, sir.

Good night, Marjory. Good night, Audrey.
Good night, Richard, and thank you.

Not at all. I enjoyed it.

Well, what happened?
Everything's sorted out. He was doing it for me.

Does that make it better or worse?
I'm not sure.

I don't altogether trust Richard in this affair.

And I certainly don't trust Podge.

Where is she?
Fast asleep on your bed.

I promised not to wake her till dinner was ready.

Oh, leave her where she is. Let her sleep.

That'll be only two for dinner.
Yes.

Would you be an angel, and tell Ned?

Room service. China tea.

Diana?

D..

Ah...

Diana? Diana? Lovely morning again.

No hunting today, of course,
but I'm sure we can find something to do.

And you don't have to go today, you know.

You can always stay on if you want to.

Dianal Come on. Wake up.

Wake...

Audrey!

Morning, Richard. Is that my tea?

Uh... What are you doing here?

Enjoying your hospitality, of course.

Quite like old times, sleeping at the Manor.

Two cups and saucers. How thoughtful.
Will you join me?