Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 5, Episode 8 - Jack to the Rescue - full transcript

( theme song playing )

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE
HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪



♪ WE'VE A LOVEABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE IS COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE IS COMPANY TOO. ♪

( thump )

HI, JANET.

HELP.

THANK YOU. I COULD
USE SOME HELP.

JACK, CAN YOU HELP ME, PLEASE?

HUH?



JANET, LISTEN TO
THIS, WOULD YOU?

"DEAR SIRS, IT HAS
LONG BEEN MY AMBITION

TO WORK IN THE FINEST
RESTAURANT IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA.

AND..." JANET?

GEE, YOU KNOW, I'D HELP
YOU IF YOU NEEDED IT.

I'M TRYING TO GET THIS
RESUME READY FOR CINDY.

SHE PROMISED
SHE'D TYPE IT FOR ME.

JACK, SHE'S ONLY BEEN
LIVING HERE TWO WEEKS.

DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S
TAKING ADVANTAGE?

WELL, IT'S THE LEAST SHE CAN
DO AFTER WHAT SHE'S DONE TO ME.

WELL, COME ON.
ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN.

YEAH, WHENEVER CINDY'S
AROUND, THEY HAPPEN ALL THE TIME.

WHAT ABOUT MY SPRAINED SHOULDER
WHERE SHE HIT ME WITH THE DOOR?

- I KNOW.
- OR MY FOOT WHERE
SHE DROPPED THE IRON.

- I KNOW.
- WOULD YOU CARE TO SEE WHERE
SHE HIT ME WITH THE DOORKNOB?

NO!

IF SHE WEREN'T
CHRISSY'S COUSIN...

YOU WOULD HAVE TO GET SOMEBODY
ELSE TO DO YOUR TYPING FOR YOU.

JANET, COME HERE FOR A SECOND.
I WANNA SEE HOW YOU LIKE THIS.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

"DEAR SIRS, IT HAS
LONG BEEN MY AMBITION

TO WORK IN THE FINEST
RESTAURANT IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA.

WITH THIS IN MIND, I SHOULD
LIKE TO APPLY FOR A POSITION

WITH YOUR WONDERFUL
ESTABLISHMENT.

SINCERELY, YOUR OBEDIENT
AND HUMBLE SERVANT,

JACK TRIPPER."

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE
LAYING IT ON A BIT THICK?

JANET, THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH A LITTLE FLATTERY,

AS LONG AS IT'S SINCERE.

OKAY, IF YOU THINK IT'LL WORK.

HOW CAN IT MISS? I'M SENDING
ONE TO EVERY RESTAURANT IN TOWN.

- ( doorbell rings )
- "MY AMBITION" OR...

HERE, JACK. MAKE
YOURSELF USEFUL.

MR. FURLEY, WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR SPATHIPHYLLUM?

MY SPETHO-WHAT?

YOUR SPATHIPHYLLUM.

GEE, AND I'VE BEEN
CALLING IT A FERN.

WHAT HAPPENED TO IT?

WELL, I WAS HOPING
YOU COULD TELL ME.

I'VE BEEN TAKING
VERY GOOD CARE OF IT.

MAKING SURE IT GOT PLENTY OF
SUNLIGHT, LOTS OF PLANT FOOD.

I EVEN DUSTED IT EVERY DAY.

GOLLY, HOW OFTEN
DID YOU WATER IT?

WATER?

MR. FURLEY, YOU'D BETTER
BRING THAT ON IN HERE.

OH, ISN'T THAT THE SORRIEST
SIGHT YOU'VE EVER SEEN?

MAYBE IF HE TOOK OFF HIS HAT.

NOT ME, THE
SPETHAFA... SPETHA...

- SPETHA...
- YOU MEAN THE FERN?

I'LL TAKE THAT.

- WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN
AND FINISH YOUR RESUME.
- ALL RIGHT.

RESUME? YOU'RE WRITING A RESUME?

OH, YOU GOTTA LET
ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.

YOU'RE TALKING TO AN
EXPERT IN THAT DEPARTMENT.

AND ONE THING I'VE
LEARNED IS, YOU CAN NEVER

UNDERESTIMATE THE
IMPORTANCE OF A RESUME.

- YEAH, MR. FURLEY...
- HOW DO YOU THINK I GOT THIS JOB?

YOUR BROTHER OWNS THE BUILDING.

I STILL HAD TO WRITE A RESUME.

MR. FURLEY, I REALLY
APPRECIATE YOUR OFFER, BUT I...

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

WHAT'S WRONG?

NO. WEAK, JACK,
WEAK. WISHY-WASHY.

WISHY-WASHY?

OF COURSE, THAT'S YOUR STYLE.

I SHOULD SAY SWISHY-SWASHY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

IT WAS NICE SEEING YOU, BUT I
REALLY HAVE TO GET SOME WORK...

- OH!
- JACK? JANET?

HI.

OH, JACK, YOU'LL NEVER
GUESS WHAT HAPPENED.

I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
YOU CAME HOME.

- WAIT TILL YOU HEAR IT.
- LATER, LATER.

MY HEAD'S RINGING, AND I JUST
WOULD LIKE TO GO ANSWER IT.

BUT, JACK.

GO ON, CINDY. I'M ALL EARS.

THAT'S OKAY. WITH THAT
HAT ON, NOBODY'LL NOTICE.

JANET, WAIT TILL YOU HEAR THE FUNNY
THING THAT HAPPENED AT WORK TODAY.

TELL ME ABOUT IT.

WELL, I WAS GETTING COFFEE
FOR MY BOSS, MR. HADLEY,

WHEN JERRY WILLIAMS CAME
OUT OF THE STOREROOM.

WHAT, YOU WERE GETTING
COFFEE FOR YOUR BOSS?

THAT'S NOT THE FUNNY PART. YOU
SEE, WHEN JERRY OPENED THE DOOR...

NO, NO, NO, WAIT A
MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.

- YOUR BOSS HAS
GOT A BROKEN LEG.
- NOT THAT I NOTICED.

WELL, THEN WHAT WERE YOU
DOING GETTING HIS COFFEE?

JANET, I'M HIS SECRETARY.

CINDY, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

WELL, IT'S PART OF THE
JOB... LIKE TYPING HIS LETTERS,

ANSWERING HIS TELEPHONE CALLS,
PICKING UP HIS CLOTHES FROM THE CLEANERS.

YOU PICK UP HIS CLEANING?

AH! NEXT YOU'LL BE OUT SHOPPING
FOR HIS WIFE'S BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

OH, NO. THAT WAS LAST WEEK.

I SUPPOSE YOU HAD TO DO IT ON
YOUR LUNCH HOUR, DIDN'T YOU?

- NO.
- OH, GOOD.

DURING LUNCH HOUR I
GOT HIS CAR WASHED.

- YOU DIDN'T.
- DIDN'T WHAT?

JACK, YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THE THINGS
THAT CINDY HAS BEEN DOING FOR HER BOSS.

CINDY!

SHAME ON YOU.

- JACK.
- WHAT?

THIS IS NO KIDDING
MATTER. COME ON, LISTEN.

SHE GETS HIS COFFEE,
SHE PICKS UP HIS CLEANING,

SHE GOES AND GETS
HIS CAR WASHED,

SHE PICKS OUT A BIRTHDAY
PRESENT FOR HIS WIFE.

OH, SECRETARIAL THINGS.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

YOU KNOW, WOMEN THINGS.

- WHAT DID YOU SAY?
- I HEAR MY YAMS
SCREAMING FOR ME.

OH! JUST LIKE A MAN!

I... OH, CINDY.

YOU'VE JUST GOT TO LEARN HOW
TO SAY NO EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

MY FATHER SAYS I SHOULD
SAY NO ALL THE TIME.

THIS IS NO KIDDING
MATTER. NOW, COME ON.

TOMORROW, I WANT YOU
TO GO TO YOUR OFFICE

AND TELL YOUR BOSS
THAT FROM NOW ON,

HE CAN GET HIS OWN COFFEE
AND HE CAN RUN HIS OWN ERRANDS.

BUT BOSSES DON'T DO THAT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK THEY
HAVE SECRETARIES FOR?

COME HERE.

WE'RE GOING TO
HAVE A LITTLE CHAT.

ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT DIGNITY, SELF-RESPECT

AND PROFESSIONALISM.

OKAY, JUST AS LONG AS WE
DON'T TALK ABOUT MY JOB.

( phone ringing )

GOOD MORNING,
MR. HADLEY'S OFFICE.

OH, HI, JANET.

NO, I HAVEN'T TOLD HIM YET.

BECAUSE HE HASN'T COME IN.

YES, JANET, I'LL TELL HIM
EVERYTHING YOU SAID.

NO, I'M NOT GONNA
GET HIS COFFEE.

- ( door opens )
- NO, I'M NOT GOING TO...

HE'S COMING. BYE.

- GOOD MORNING.
- GOOD MORNING, MR. HADLEY.

GOOD MORNING, CINDY.

MR. HADLEY, THERE'S SOMETHING
I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

IT MAY NOT SEEM
IMPORTANT TO YOU, BUT I...

FOR YOU.

I...

JUST THOUGHT THEY MIGHT
BRIGHTEN UP YOUR DAY.

OH, THANK YOU, MR. HADLEY.

THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

OH, AND CINDY...

I'LL GET YOUR COFFEE RIGHT AWAY.

CAN I HELP YOU?

YOU ALREADY HAVE.

AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY.

NO, ACTUALLY I WAS LOOKING
FOR A FRIEND OF MINE, CINDY SNOW.

SHE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A SEAT.

OH, THANK YOU. IT'S
INTERESTING. YEARS AGO...

- OVER THERE.
- OH.

EXCUSE ME, OF COURSE.
NATURAL MISTAKE.

SORRY.

- OH, HI, JACK.
- HI, CINDY.

I'M JUST ABOUT DONE
HERE WITH YOUR RESUME.

- IS THAT IT?
- UH-HUH.

LOOK AT...

ISN'T IT FUNNY HOW
A GOOD TYPING JOB

MAKES ALL THOSE LIES
SEEM ALMOST BELIEVABLE?

CINDY, MY COFFEE.

OH, IT'S RIGHT HERE, MR. HADLEY.

I WAS JUST FINISHING
UP THIS RESUME.

RESUME? I HOPE YOU'RE
NOT UNHAPPY IN YOUR JOB.

OH, NO. IT'S FOR MY
FRIEND HERE, JACK.

ON COMPANY TIME?

WHO GAVE YOU
PERMISSION TO DO THAT?

- IT DIDN'T TAKE ME LONG.
- EXCUSE ME.

I'M AFRAID THAT'S ALL
MY FAULT, MR. BADLEY.

HADLEY.

AND IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'M
TALKING TO MY SECRETARY, SONNY.

YOU KNOW THE RULES REGARDING

PERSONAL BUSINESS
ON COMPANY TIME.

YOU MEAN LIKE, UH,
GETTING YOUR COFFEE?

WHAT?

AND BUYING PRESENTS
FOR YOUR WIFE?

- JACK, I DON'T THINK...
- AND DROPPING OFF YOUR DIRTY OLD CLOTHES?

I HAD NO IDEA IT
BOTHERED YOU SO MUCH.

- WELL, ACTUALLY...
- WHY WOULDN'T IT BOTHER HER?

SHE HIRED ON AS A
SECRETARY, NOT A MAID.

- JACK!
- JUST A SECOND. I'M NOT FINISHED.

AND ANOTHER THING, MR. BADLEY.

HADLEY.

I REALLY WOULD SUGGEST TO YOU
THAT YOU GET YOUR OWN COFFEE

AND RUN YOUR OWN ERRANDS.

THE EXERCISE MIGHT
DO YOU SOME GOOD.

HE'S JOKING. THIS
ONE'S ALWAYS JOKING.

IF YOU REALLY FEEL THAT WAY...

- SHE DOES, TAKE MY WORD.
- SHE DOES, DOES SHE?

- RIGHT.
- THEN YOU TELL
HER FOR ME...

WAIT A MINUTE! DO YOU TWO MIND?

MR. HADLEY, IF THERE'S ANYTHING
YOU'D LIKE TO TALK TO ME ABOUT,

I WISH THAT YOU'D
SPEAK TO ME DIRECTLY.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I
FEEL THAT WAY TOO.

- GOOD.
- MISS SNOW, YOU'RE FIRED.

HEY, WELL,

I GUESS HE WON'T BE PUSHING
YOU AROUND ANYMORE.

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

SO BEFORE CINDY HAD A CHANCE...

ONE MINUTE HE'S GIVING
ME FLOWERS, AND THE NEXT...

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, SHH. ONE AT
A TIME, PLEASE, ONE AT A TIME.

LET'S JUST COME OVER
HERE AND SIT DOWN CALMLY,

AND WE'LL DISCUSS IT CALMLY.

JANET, WHAT'S TO DISCUSS? THE
POOR GIRL GOT FIRED, AND THAT'S THAT.

AAH!

JACK. GETTING FIRED?

THE POOR KID. I FEEL TERRIBLE.

OH, JANET, DON'T GO
BLAMING YOURSELF.

WHY WOULD I BLAME MYSELF?

WELL, AFTER ALL, YOU DID
GOAD HER INTO TAKING A STAND.

JACK, I DIDN'T GOAD ANYBODY.

I MERELY SUGGESTED
THAT SHE TELL HER BOSS...

- TO RUN HIS OWN ERRANDS.
- AND...

AND IS THAT WHAT GOT HER FIRED?

- THEN IT IS MY FAULT.
- WELL.

OH.

OH, CINDY, I'M SO SORRY.

THERE, THERE. YOU
COULDN'T HELP IT, JANET.

ALL I WAS DOING WAS
TYPING JACK'S RESUME.

OH, LISTEN, I'M GONNA
MAKE THIS UP TO YOU.

JACK'S RESUME?

WHAT'S DONE IS DONE. LET
ME GO SEE ABOUT DINNER.

NO! GO ON, CINDY.

AND HADLEY SAID IT WAS
AGAINST COMPANY RULES.

AND THAT'S WHAT
GOT YOU FIRED, RIGHT?

OH, NO.

SEE? SOUP'S ON. EXCUSE ME.

STAY!

JACK TOLD HADLEY THAT RUNNING HIS
OWN ERRANDS WOULD BE GOOD FOR HIM.

I SEE.

BECAUSE HE WAS TOO FAT.

- MY FAULT?
- ( doorbell rings )

- WHY, YOU RAT!
- JANET,

WOULD YOU PLEASE
TAKE CARE OF CINDY?

THE POOR GIRL JUST GOT FIRED.

AH! OH.

I'VE GOT IT, JACK.

- YOUR PROBLEMS ARE OVER.
- GOT WHAT?

THE PERFECT OPENING
TO YOUR RESUME.

"TRIPPER'S THE NAME,
COOKING'S MY GAME."

MR. FURLEY, I REALLY
DON'T THINK THIS IS THE TIME.

"IF IT'S A CHEF
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR

WITH SKILLS THAT ARE UNIQUE,

THEN LOOK NO
FARTHER, I'M YOUR MAN,

OR SO TO SPEAK."

( crying )

IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

MR. FURLEY, CINDY GOT FIRED.

- SHE DID?
- MM-HMM.

WELL, DON'T YOU WORRY
ABOUT A THING, CINDY.

I'LL START WORKING ON YOUR
RESUME RIGHT AWAY. LET'S SEE.

MR. FURLEY, WHY DON'T YOU DO YOUR
THINKING DOWNSTAIRS? THAT WOULD HELP US.

I GOT IT, I GOT IT! "CINDY'S MY
NAME, SHORTHAND'S MY GAME."

- THAT'S GOOD.
- "HAVE TYPEWRIT..."

"WILL TRAVEL!"

JACK? JACK.

YOU GOT CINDY FIRED, NOW
YOU HAVE GOT TO APOLOGIZE.

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

MM-HMM.

CINDY, I'M SORRY. I HAD NO...

JACK, NOT TO CINDY, TO HER BOSS.

ARE YOU KIDDING? HE'D
THROW ME OUT THE WINDOW.

- ( wails )
- OH.

WELL, IT'S...

IT'S ONLY ON THE FOURTH FLOOR.

OKAY.

( clears throat )

YES?

I CAN COME BACK.

WELL, WHAT IS IT?

OH, NO, SEE, I JUST WANTED TO
SPEAK TO MR. HADLEY FOR A SECOND.

- DO YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT?
- NO, MA'AM, I DON'T.

I'D JUST LIKE TO GO IN AND DO A
LITTLE GROVELING, AND I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.

NOBODY GETS IN
WITHOUT AN APPOINTMENT.

- NO, SEE, I WAS JUST...
- NOBODY!

( grunts ) DON'T SIT DOWN.

WHAT?

I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING
MORE GRACEFUL IN MY LIFE.

WHAT... WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU! THE WAY YOU MOVED.

YOU JUST FLOATED
RIGHT OUT OF THAT CHAIR.

IT WAS SHEER POETRY IN MOTION!

- ME!
- NO, WAIT NOW.

STOP ME IF I'M GETTING TOO PERSONAL,
BUT WERE YOU EVER A BALLERINA?

WELL, NO,

BUT I DID TAKE TAP DANCING
LESSONS, AND MY TEACHER SAID...

WELL, SHE WAS RIGHT, WASN'T SHE?

WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?
WOULD YOU WALK FOR ME?

WELL, I REALLY...

THE GIRLS TODAY, THEY
DON'T WALK, THEY BOUNCE,

BUT YOU SEEM TO GLIDE.

WOULD YOU WALK AND GLIDE FOR ME?

WOULD YOU, PLEASE?

- ( gasps )
- YOU SEE?

IT'S ALL IN THE POSTURE.
SEE, I HOLD MY HEAD HIGH.

BUT DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP.

IT WOULD BE LIKE
SHOOTING A BIRD IN FLIGHT.

- OH!
- CONTINUE, PLEASE.

WALK AND GLIDE. I'M
RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

LOOK AT THIS! IT'S
POETRY, IT'S POETRY!

AH, A SECRETARY'S
JOB IS NEVER DONE.

YOU!

IS THERE SOMETHING
I CAN DO FOR YOU?

WELL, AS A MATTER
OF FACT, THERE IS.

OH.

OH!

COME ON, CINDY. TAKE IT EASY.

HOW CAN I TAKE IT EASY?
I'VE JUST LOST MY JOB.

- ( doorbell rings )
- WELL, OH, LOOK...

IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

OH.

YES?

- I'M MR. HADLEY.
- OH.

SO YOU'RE MR. HADLEY.

I'D LIKE TO HAVE A
WORD WITH CINDY.

OH, YOU WOULD?

WELL, I'M SURE THAT
SHE'S GOT A WORD FOR YOU.

MR. HADLEY, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I CAN ONLY STAY A MINUTE.

I JUST CAME BY TO APOLOGIZE AND
ASK YOU TO COME BACK TO WORK.

AH, WHAT ARE YOU
STANDING THERE FOR?

COME ON IN! COME RIGHT ON IN.

- THERE YOU GO.
- THIS IS MY FRIEND,
JANET WOOD.

- HI.
- HELLO.

I HAPPENED TO MENTION TO MY WIFE

THE CIRCUMSTANCES
CONNECTED WITH YOUR DISMISSAL,

AND, UH, SHE TOLD ME
I WAS WAY OUT OF LINE.

UH, SEEMS SHE'S
ALWAYS SAYING THAT.

THEN WHY DON'T YOU FIRE HER?

SORRY.

I WAS WRONG AND I ADMIT IT,

AND I'D LIKE YOU TO COME
BACK TO WORK TOMORROW.

WELL, MR. HADLEY, I
DON'T REALLY KNOW...

OF COURSE THERE'D BE A RAISE.

A RAISE? I ACCEPT!

- HANG ON A SECOND. NOT SO FAST.
- BUT, JANET...

- I GOT A COUPLE QUESTIONS.
- NO, JANET.

I DON'T LIKE QUESTIONS.

CINDY, LET ME DO THIS.

WOULD CINDY STILL HAVE
TO GET YOUR COFFEE?

- NO.
- WOULD SHE HAVE TO RUN
YOUR ERRANDS FOR YOU?

SHE WOULDN'T HAVE TO DO
ANYTHING EXCEPT HER JOB.

OH.

OKAY, WE ACCEPT.

OH, THANK YOU, JANET!

- THOSE WERE GOOD QUESTIONS.
- THANK YOU.

- ( doorbell rings )
- EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND.

CINDY'S WORRIES ARE OVER.

THIS RESUME WILL GET
HER A JOB IN NO TIME AT ALL.

LISTEN TO THIS, CINDY.

MR. FURLEY, THIS IS
CINDY'S BOSS, MR. HADLEY.

OH, HOW DO YOU DO?

- HE THE ONE THAT FIRED HER?
- YES.

IT'S EVEN BETTER,
I'LL TRY IT OUT ON HIM.

"MY NAME IS CINDY
AND THIS IS NO HYPE.

NEED SOMEONE TO
DO 50 WORDS A MINUTE?

THEN I'M JUST YOUR TYPE."

TYPE. GET IT?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

SHE'S GOT THE JOB.

THIS WORKED EVEN
BETTER THAN I THOUGHT.

IF YOU EVER GET FIRED
AGAIN, LET ME KNOW.

I GOT A MILLION OF 'EM.

HARRIET.

JANET, AND THIS IS CINDY.

- I'D LIKE YOU TO
MEET MY WIFE.
- HELLO.

I WOULDN'T HAVE STAYED IN THE CAR
IF I THOUGHT IT WOULD TAKE THIS LONG.

I WAS JUST LEAVING, DEAR.

- HAVE YOU TOLD MISS SNOW
YOU WANT HER BACK?
- OH, YES, HE HAS.

AS LONG AS YOU'RE HERE, WHY
DON'T YOU HELP US CELEBRATE?

- I JUST MADE FRESH COFFEE.
- THAT'D BE LOVELY.

- OH, I'LL GET IT.
- JUST A MINUTE, CINDY.

THIS TIME, LET ME
GET THE COFFEE.

OKAY.

OH, MY, THERE MAY
BE HOPE FOR HIM YET.

MRS. HADLEY, I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU
FOR HELPING CINDY GET HER JOB BACK.

THINK NOTHING OF IT. WE
WOMEN HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER.

CINDY, JANET! WAIT'LL
YOU HEAR WHAT HAPPENED.

- JACK, THIS IS MRS. HADLEY.
- NOT NOW, JANET.

I HAVE A FEELING YOU'RE
GONNA GET YOUR OLD JOB BACK.

HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?

YOU KNOW THAT GIRL WHO
WORKS IN YOUR OFFICE, SHEILA?

- YOU MEAN SEXY SHEILA?
- YES.

I HAPPENED TO WALK IN ON
SEXY SHEILA AND YOUR BOSS,

AND MR. HADLEY
WAS BEHAVIN' BADLY.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH...
HAD... MRS. HADLEY?

MR. HADLEY.

WELL, OF COURSE I FELT
LIKE AN ABSOLUTE FOOL

WHEN I REALIZED IT ONLY
LOOKED LIKE MR. HADLEY,

ONLY TALLER, WITH A MOUSTACHE,

YOU SEE, BECAUSE I WAS
IN THE WRONG OFFICE.

I WAS IN 322 INSTEAD OF 422.

IN FACT, IT WAS THE WRONG
BUILDING ACROSS THE STREET.

ACTUALLY, IT WAS
THE WRONG STREET.

I'M NOT EVEN SURE
ABOUT THE, UH, CITY.

CHARLES, I WARNED YOU.

PLEASE, HARRIET, THE BOY'S TRYING
TO EXPLAIN. HE MADE A MISTAKE.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S MADE
THE MISTAKE. OUT, OUT, OUT!

YES, DEAR.

YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT
THAT JOB, YOUNG LADY.

SHE'LL DO NO SUCH THING.

I LIKE TO KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON IN THAT OFFICE,

AND CINDY'S JUST THE
ONE TO KEEP ME POSTED.

RIGHT, CHARLES?

RIGHT, DEAR.

I'LL SEE YOU IN THE
MORNING, MISS SNOW.

YOU KNOW, HE USED TO CHEAT ON
HIS FIRST WIFE WITH HIS SECRETARY.

HE TOLD YOU THAT?

I WAS HIS SECRETARY.

- OH, WE DID IT, WE DID IT!
- THAT WAS GREAT!

OH, I'M SO GLAD I
GOT YOUR JOB BACK.

I KNEW I COULD DO IT. I MEAN...

HEY, IT WAS MY IDEA.

WELL, MAYBE SO, JANET,

BUT I WAS THE ONE WHO
WENT TO HER OFFICE.

JACK, ONLY BECAUSE
I MADE YOU GO.

YEAH? WELL, JUST REMEMBER, THERE
WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ANY JOB TO GET BACK

IF I HADN'T GOTTEN HER
FIRED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,
WE'LL SHARE THE CREDIT.

OKAY. IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY.

THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS THAT
CINDY'S GOING BACK TO WORK TOMORROW, RIGHT?

- THAT'S RIGHT.
- WRONG.

- WRONG?
- DID YOU ACTUALLY THINK
I'D TAKE THAT JOB?

BUT MR. HADLEY SAID IT
WAS GONNA BE DIFFERENT.

YOU WON'T HAVE TO BE
NURSEMAID ANYMORE.

AND HE DID MENTION A RAISE.

JANET, I'M A
SECRETARY, NOT A SPY.

HUH?

IF I WENT BACK TO
MR. HADLEY'S OFFICE,

I COULDN'T RESPECT MYSELF.

I'LL FIND ANOTHER JOB,

WHERE I CAN RESPECT MY
BOSS AND HE CAN RESPECT ME.

AND YOU TWO CAN RESPECT ME TOO.

OH.

- HEY.
- AW.

I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU.

I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU TOO.

OH, I FEEL SO GOOD.

YOU CERTAINLY DO.

THIS CALLS FOR A CELEBRATION.

- WHY DON'T I OPEN UP
A BOTTLE OF WINE?
- OH, LET ME!

- OH, OH, I KNOW.
- THAT'S THE BAD TOE.

THE BAD ONE, BUT LISTEN,
I KNOW IT HURTS, JACK,

BUT ARE YOU ACTUALLY GONNA
LET HER OPEN UP WINE BY HERSELF?

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT. THAT'S GLASS.

- UH-HUH. - CINDY? CIN... OH!

RED OR WHITE?

HOW ABOUT BLACK AND BLUE?

( phone ringing )

( ringing )

HELLO?

( ringing )

HELLO?

HELLO, JANET? OH,
I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE UP.

CHRISSY? DO YOU
KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

NO. I'LL GO FIND OUT.

It's 2:30!

IT'S 2:30?

CHRISSY, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING UP AT 2:30?

WELL, I HAD THIS DREAM ABOUT
YOU AND I JUST HAD TO CALL.

You had a dream about me?

YEAH. OH, JANET,
IT WAS SO AWFUL.

I DREAMED I WAS WALKING
DOWN THIS STREET,

AND ALL OF THE SUDDEN I FOUND
MYSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS,

AND IT KEPT GETTING
DARKER AND DARKER.

AND THEN IT STARTED TO RAIN,

and the faster I
walked, the darker it got.

AND THEN I HEARD THE ANIMALS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
KIND THEY WERE,

BUT THEY WEREN'T
WAGGING THEIR TAILS.

AND THEN ALL OF THE
SUDDEN THIS BIG, SCARY THING

JUMPED OUT AT ME,
AND THEN I WOKE UP.

OH, JANET, IT WAS TERRIBLE.

- WAS THAT IT?
- Yeah.

YOU SAID YOU HAD A DREAM ABOUT
ME, CHRISSY. WHERE DO I COME IN?

OH, WELL, I WAS ON MY
WAY HOME TO SEE YOU.

HEY, CHRISSY, YOU WANNA
HEAR ABOUT MY DREAM?

- Yeah.
- GOOD.

I'LL CALL YOU BACK
WHEN I'VE HAD IT.

( ringing )

( theme music playing )

John Ritter: THREE'S COMPANY WAS
VIDEOTAPED IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.

( theme music playing )