Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 5, Episode 7 - Chrissy's Cousin - full transcript

( theme song playing )

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE
HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪



♪ WE'VE A LOVEABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE IS COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE IS COMPANY TOO. ♪

HELLO, CHEERFUL FINANCE? HI.

I READ YOUR AD IN THE TIMES, UH,
LOANS UP TO $5000, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

YEAH, AND I WAS WON... HUH?

OH, NO, I DON'T OWN MY OWN HOME.

NO, I... HMM?

NO, I DON'T OWN A CAR.



COLLATERAL? UH, NO.

UH, NO.

NO.

NO.

NO. HELLO?

THEY HUNG UP ON ME.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA HAVE ANY
BOYFRIENDS LEFT IF YOU KEEP SAYING NO.

I WAS TRYING TO
GET US SOME MONEY.

THEN STOP SAYING NO.

JACK!

- LOOK AT ALL THESE BILLS!
- I KNOW.

WHAT ABOUT THE PAWN SHOP? THEY
GIVE YOU ANYTHING FOR YOUR WATCH?

- YEAH.
- WHAT?

A NEW STRAP. THEY
FELT SORRY FOR ME.

DO YOU LIKE IT?

WHAT'RE WE GONNA
DO FOR RENT MONEY?

( groans ) MAYBE YOU SHOULD BORROW
SOME MONEY FROM YOUR BOYFRIEND...

- WHAT'S HIS NAME, BILL?
- OH, COME ON, JACK.

I DON'T BORROW MONEY
FROM GUYS I DATE.

- WELL, MAYBE IF YOU BROKE UP?
- OH, STOP!

- ( doorbell rings )
- JANET, WE'VE GOTTA
DO SOMETHING.

I KNOW, I'M DOING
THE BEST I CAN.

I KNOW, I'M TRYING
TO FIGURE IT OUT.

- HIYA, JACK.
- LAR, LAR, LARRY. LOOK, JANET, IT'S LARRY.

LARRY, WE WERE JUST TALKING
ABOUT WHAT A TERRIFIC FRIEND YOU ARE.

FORGET IT, JACK, I'M BROKE.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY?

HE THINKS WE'RE GONNA
ASK HIM FOR SOME MONEY.

OH, HEAVEN FORBID.

GOOD, BECAUSE ALL I
GOT LEFT IS A BUCK, 85.

- WE'LL TAKE IT.
- NOT SO FAST.

THAT BUCK, 85 IS GONNA
GET ME HALFWAY TO JENNIFER.

JENNIFER?

YEAH, THAT'S HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND.
SHE LIVES WAY OUT IN THE VALLEY.

YEAH, AND ALL THIS DRIVING BACK AND
FORTH IS STARTING TO WEAR ME DOWN.

AND LAST NIGHT, I RAN OUTTA GAS.

OH, NO, ON THE FREEWAY?

WORSE, IN MY APARTMENT.

( doorbell rings )

- CAN I SEE THE SPORTS SECTION?
- OH, SURE, LARRY, THERE YOU GO.

MR. FUR... IT'S MISTER... HI,
MR. FURLEY. HI, MR. FURLEY.

- HI, KIDS.
- LOOK, MR. FURLEY...

I KNOW, I KNOW, YOU
HAVEN'T GOT THE RENT, RIGHT?

WELL, YEAH, AS A
MATTER OF FACT...

IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY,
I WAS JUST TALKIN'

TO A FRIEND OF MINE
WHO CAN HELP YOU OUT.

HE CAN HELP US OUT?

THAT'S RIGHT. HE
OWNS A MOVING VAN.

OH, UH... LISTEN, MR. FURLEY...

LOOK, LOOK, IF IT WAS UP TO
ME, I'D GIVE YOU MORE TIME.

BUT MY BROTHER BART JUST
WON'T TAKE ANY MORE EXCUSES.

HE SAID, EITHER YOU COUGH UP THE
RENT, OR YOU COUGH UP THE APARTMENT.

( all arguing )

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
UNA MOMENTO, EH?

JUST LET ME HANDLE
THIS, ALL RIGHT?

BE COOL.

ARE YOU AWARE OF SECTION 945,

MUNICIPAL CODE
386, PARAGRAPH 3B,

WHICH STATES, YOU CANNOT EVICT
ANYONE WITHOUT 90 DAYS NOTICE?

DON'T HAND ME THAT.
THERE IS NO SUCH CODE.

HE'S SMARTER THAN HE LOOKS.

I AM NOT!

COME ON, WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?
DO YOU HAVE THE RENT, YES OR NO?

SOMEWHERE IN THE
MIDDLE OF YES AND NO.

WE HAVE OUR PART OF THE RENT.
WE JUST DON'T HAVE CHRISSY'S SHARE.

YEAH, WE... WE CAN GIVE
YOU OUR TWO-THIRDS.

WELL, THAT'S NOT GOOD
ENOUGH. I'VE GOTTA HAVE IT ALL.

BUT, MR. FURLEY, IT
HASN'T BEEN EASY FOR US.

I MEAN, LOOK AT ALL THESE BILLS.

YOU GOT A BILL FROM
THE GAS COMPANY,

A BILL FROM THE
ELECTRIC COMPANY,

HERE'S A LETTER FROM
CHRISSY, TELEPHONE BILL...

HEY, WAIT, LEMME SEE
THE LETTER FROM CHRISSY.

WAIT, MAYBE SHE SENT
THE RENT MONEY, JACK.

OH, PLEASE, LET IT BE IN HERE.

OH, AN ENVELOPE FOR MR. FURLEY.

- GOOD OLD CHRISSY.
- I KNEW SHE WOULDN'T
LET US DOWN.

- WELL, BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.
- HOW ABOUT THAT, LARRY? SAVED BY THE BELL.

"DEAR MR. FURLEY, I OWE YOU
ONE MONTH'S RENT. CHRISSY SNOW."

THAT WAS NO BELL,
JACK. THAT'S A DING-A-LING.

LOOK, KIDS, I CAN GIVE
YOU ONE MORE DAY.

AND AFTER THAT, YOU
KNOW, IT'S OUTTA MY HANDS.

MR. FURLEY, WHERE ARE
WE GONNA GET THE MONEY?

I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE YOU OUGHTA

GET YOURSELVES ANOTHER
ROOMMATE TILL CHRISSY COMES BACK.

- ANOTHER ROOMMATE?
- REALLY, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

THAT'S A STUPID IDEA.

JUST BECAUSE AN IDEA'S STUPID
DOESN'T MEAN IT WON'T WORK.

( doorbell rings )

( knocking at door )

HELLO? IS ANYBODY HOME?

COME IN, COME IN. LOOK.

ARE YOU SURE THEY WON'T MIND?

MIND? THEY'LL THANK ME.

HMM, NOT BAD.

YOU COULD SAY
THAT AGAIN. ( sniffs )

LET ME JUST SHOW YOU THE
BEDROOM YOU'LL BE SHARING.

BEDROOM?

DID I SAY "BEDROOM"? I'M
SORRY, I MEANT THE KITCHEN.

- RIGHT THIS WAY.
- WELL, THANK YOU, MR. FURLEY.

- YOU COULD CALL ME RALPH.
- WHY?

( whistles ) JACK? JANET?

PSST, LOOKS LIKE NOBODY'S HOME.

DO THEY ALWAYS
LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN?

LIKE I TOLD YOU, JENNIFER, THIS IS
A VERY FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD.

- YOU'RE GONNA LOVE LIVING HERE.
- WELL...

YEAH, IT'S CLOSE TO EVERYTHING:
SHOPPING, THE BEACH, MY APARTMENT.

THIS IS THE KITCHEN.
HERE'S THE LIVING ROOM.

THIS IS THE BATHROOM, AND, OF COURSE,
YOUR HANDY BEDROOM, RIGHT IN HERE.

MM-HMM.

WELL, IT'S VERY NICE,

BUT I'M NOT SURE ABOUT
SHARING AN APARTMENT.

WELL, YOU'VE GOTTA HAVE A PLACE,
AND THERE'S NOTHING ELSE AVAILABLE.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S BEEN SO HARD, MAKING
DECISIONS SINCE MY HUSBAND DIED.

OH, YOU'RE A WIDOW?

I MEAN, WHAT A SHAME.

POOR CHARLIE. IT WAS HIS HEART.

HE WENT LIKE THAT... DURING
THE NIGHT. ( snaps fingers )

AND IT KILLED HIM?

VOILA.

OH, JACK, I'M
GONNA LOVE IT HERE.

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO LIVE NEAR THE BEACH.

YEAH, THERE'S SO
MANY FUN THINGS TO DO.

YEAH.

IT'LL BE SO CONVENIENT... I MEAN,
FOR YOU AND ME TO GET TOGETHER.

- HOW MUCH?
- AS MUCH AS WE WANT.

I MEAN, HOW MUCH IS THE RENT?

THE... THE... OH,
THE RENT! SORRY.

YEAH, WELL, LET'S TALK
ABOUT THAT LATER. I THOUGHT...

JACK, IF WE'RE GONNA
GO TO THE BEACH,

I'VE GOTTA CHANGE
INTO MY BATHING SUIT.

OH, SURE, MAXINE, WHY DON'T YOU USE
THE LITTLE GIRLS' ROOM, RIGHT THERE?

AND I'LL GO INTO MY ROOM AND
CHANGE INTO MY BATHING TRUNKS.

( cheers )

THINK OF THE MONEY YOU'LL SAVE.

AND YOU'RE JUST GONNA LOVE
THE KIDS, THEY'RE WONDERFUL K...

NO WILD PARTIES,
NO WEIRD GOINGS-ON.

- WELL, I SHOULD HOPE NOT.
- THEY'RE HARDLY EVER AT HOME.

HERE, LEMME SHOW
YOU THE BATHROOM.

( Maxine screams )

WHAT WAS THAT?

THE, UH, PLUMBER,
FIXING THE PIPES.

UH, LEMME SHOW YOU THE BEDROOM.

( screams )

PLUMBER'S HELPER.

OH!

- JACK!
- LARRY!

- MR. FURLEY!
- LARRY!

- JACK!
- MAXINE.

Both: MAXINE!

THAT MAN WAS PEEPING IN ON ME.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS!
WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?

A CREEP! THAT MAN WAS
PEEPING IN ON US, TOO.

A PEEPING CREEP! SHAME
ON YOU, MR. FURLEY.

JACK, WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE?

THAT'S WHAT I'D LIKE TO KNOW.
LARRY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- I BROUGHT YOUR NEW ROOMMATE.
- HI.

MAYBE I'D BETTER GO.

NO, YOU STAY HERE.
YOU'RE THE NEW ROOMMATE.

I THOUGHT I WAS
THE NEW ROOMMATE!

YOU ARE, YOU ARE!

AND FOR THE REST OF
YOU, THIS IS NOT A HOTEL!

IT'S NOT A NUDIST COLONY,
EITHER. PUT YOUR PANTS ON.

OH, EXCUSE ME, I'M SORRY!

MR. FURLEY, I ONLY THINK
IT'S FAIR TO LET YOU KNOW

THAT WE WERE HERE FIRST.

WE WERE HERE FIRST.

HEY, JUST A MINUTE,
JUST A MINUTE.

I DON'T CARE WHO WAS FIRST. I'M
THE ONE WHO LIVES HERE, REMEMBER?

Larry: YOU WANT ME TO
HELP YOU WITH THE RENT?

( all arguing )

HEY, HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, JANET, JANET,
YOU'RE JUST IN TIME.

( chuckles ) IN TIME FOR WHAT?

JANET, WOULD YOU
PLEASE TELL THESE PEOPLE

WHO HAS THE RIGHT TO
PICK OUR NEW ROOMMATE,

THESE OUTSIDERS OR
SOMEBODY WHO LIVES HERE?

WELL, SOMEBODY WHO
LIVES HERE, OF COURSE.

TALK TO ME, JANET! YOU SEE?

I'M SO GLAD YOU FEEL THAT
WAY, TOO, JACK. BILL, COME ON IN!

JACK, I'D LIKE FOR YOU TO
MEET OUR NEW ROOMMATE.

- ( laughs ) HIM?
- HIM.

- OUR NEW ROOMMATE?
- UH-HUH.

( laughs )

THAT IS SO SICK.

IT IS, IS IT?

THIS IS NOT AN APARTMENT.
IT'S GRAND CENTRAL STATION.

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
HOW ABOUT DINNER TONIGHT?

- NO, THANK YOU.
- HOW ABOUT SOME OTHER NIGHT?

THANKS, BUT I DOUBT THAT
I'LL EVER BE THAT HUNGRY.

WOMAN'S SO CRAZY ABOUT
ME, SHE CAN'T EVEN EAT.

I'LL JUST GO...

WELL, HONEY, WHAT'RE
WE GONNA DO NOW?

WELL, WHATEVER IT IS,
WE'LL DO IT IN MY APARTMENT.

OH, JACK, ONE THING
I'D LIKE TO KNOW.

ARE YOU STILL GONNA KISS BOTH
YOUR ROOMMATES GOOD NIGHT?

DO YOU MIND IF I
MAKE A SUGGESTION?

- NO.
- YES.

JANET, I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO
YOU PRIVATELY IN THE KITCHEN.

EXCUSE ME, MY DARLING. WOULD
YOU HAVE A SEAT ON THE SOFA?

THERE SEEMS TO BE A
SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING.

EXCUSE ME, MY DARLING. WOULD
YOU HAVE A SEAT HERE ON THE SOFA?

THERE SEEMS TO BE A
SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING.

I'M SURE I CAN
HANDLE THIS, THOUGH.

- AFTER YOU.
- NO, NO, NO, AFTER YOU.

- AFTER YOU.
- NO, OF COURSE, AFTER YOU.

OH, COME ON. LADIES FIRST.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING,

BRINGING LOVER BOY BACK
HERE WITHOUT CHECKING WITH ME?

HEY, BACK OFF, BUSTER.

YOU'RE JUST SORE BECAUSE
I BROUGHT A MAN IN HERE.

SORE? SORE?

- DO I LOOK SORE?!
- ( yelps )

JANET, JANET, JANET, JANET.

JANET, I'M JUST THINKING
OF YOUR REPUTATION.

( scoffs )

BELIEVE ME, PEOPLE ARE JUST NOT READY
TO SEE A WOMAN LIVING WITH TWO MEN.

WHAT?

JANET, A SINGLE,
ATTRACTIVE WOMAN

LIVING WITH TWO GUYS?

I MEAN, THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT
THERE WHO WOULD JUST LOVE

TO LET THEIR FILTHY IMAGINATIONS
RUN WILD WITH SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

OH, YEAH? AND WHO'S
GONNA TELL 'EM?

I AM!

THEN HOW COME YOU WEREN'T
WORRIED ABOUT YOUR REPUTATION,

JACK, LIVING WITH TWO GIRLS?

BECAUSE I'M A MAN, AND MEN DON'T
HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THEIR REPUTATIONS.

WHAT?!

WHAT, WHAT?

DID YOU HEAR WHAT YOU JUST SAID?

I WASN'T LISTENING.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE
JACK? YOU ARE A MALE CHAUVINIST...

- DON'T SAY IT.
- OINK.

- JANET. JANET, JANET...
- OINK, OINK, OINK!

( continues oinking )

EXCUSE US, WE'RE JUST
HAVING A SMALL DISCUSSION.

- IT'LL JUST BE A MOMENT.
- NO PROBLEM.

ALL RIGHT, JACK, NOW LISTEN.

AT LEAST, BILL CAN HANDLE
HIS SHARE OF THE RENT.

AFTER ALL, HE MAKES
VERY GOOD MONEY.

SO DOES MAXINE. SHE'S A BUYER.

REALLY? LOOKS MORE
LIKE A SELLER TO ME.

( whimpers )

OH, JANET!

OH, SO SORRY, I
DIDN'T MEAN THAT.

WELL, CAN I GET YOU A
SAUCER OF MILK, MEOW?

I SAID I WAS SORRY.

YEAH, WELL, I SAID,
"MEOW, MEOW."

- WELL, OINK, OINK.
- WELL, MEOW, MEOW.

( arguing )

HI.

HELLO.

I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO
LONG, BUT JEANETTE AND I

WERE HAVING A DEEP,
PHILOSOPHICAL DISCUSSION.

AND YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE
DOING "OLD MacDONALD HAD A FARM."

( both laughing )

I THINK WE BETTER
GET THIS DECIDED, JACK.

YES, BUT JANET, WE DON'T
WANT TO RUSH INTO THINGS.

AFTER ALL, WHAT WE DECIDE HERE
WILL NOT ONLY AFFECT OUR LIVES,

BUT ALSO, THE LIVES
OF TWO OTHER PEOPLE.

THAT'S RIGHT, JACK,
IT'S A BIG DECISION.

AND NOT ONE THAT
SHOULD BE TAKEN LIGHTLY.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY
RIGHT. I'LL CALL IT.

HEADS. HEADS IT
IS! HURT ME, YEAH.

- HEY, NO WAY, JOSE!
- OKAY, OKAY, YOU CALL IT.

- HEADS.
- HEADS.

- JACK, WHERE'D IT GO?
- I DON'T KNOW.

- YOU'RE SUCH A NINNY.
- WHERE IS IT?

ANYBODY LOSE A QUARTER?

- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
- THAT'S OKAY.

- WHO ARE YOU?
- I'M CINDY.

- CINDY?
- YEAH, CHRISSY'S COUSIN. HI.

- GLAD TO MEET YOU. HI.
- HI.

YEAH, SHE SAID I COULD
STAY HERE WHILE SHE'S GONE.

DIDN'T YOU GET HER LETTER?

I TOLD YOU TO READ
CHRISSY'S LETTER.

HEY, WE GOT A PROBLEM.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

IF SHE'S MOVIN' IN,
THEN WHAT ABOUT US?

OH, HANG ON A SECOND,
THERE, BILL, HANG ON.

PUT THAT STUFF DOWN
HERE. CINDY, IS IT? CINDY?

- YEAH!
- HERE IS BILL AND MAXINE.

YOU SEE, BILL AND MAXINE
BOTH NEED A PLACE TO STAY.

AND SINCE WE WERE
LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE...

AND YOU'RE TRYING TO DECIDE
WHICH ONE IT SHOULD BE, RIGHT?

RIGHT, AND THEN
WHEN YOU SHOWED UP...

- WELL, IT'S NO PROBLEM.
- OH, IT ISN'T?

NO! BILL, WHAT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?

- AUGUST 26. WHY?
- YOU'RE A LEO?

VIRGO.

WELL, THAT'S EVEN BETTER.
AND MAXINE, WHAT'S YOURS?

JANUARY 4th, WHY?

I KNEW IT, YOU'RE A CAPRICORN.

YOU TWO ARE EARTH
PEOPLE, A PERFECT COUPLE.

DO YOU REALIZE
HOW LUCKY YOU ARE?

- LUCKY?
- YEAH, IT'S LIKE IT WAS
WRITTEN IN THE STARS.

IT'S LIKE IT WAS
WRITTEN IN CHINESE,

'CAUSE NO ONE HERE KNOWS
WHAT YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT.

BUT IT'S SO CLEAR. LOOK.

YOU WERE BORN UNDER
THE SIGN OF CAPRICORN,

AND YOU'RE BORN
UNDER THE SIGN OF VIRGO,

AND THERE'S A SIGN FOR A ONE-BEDROOM
APARTMENT RIGHT DOWN THE STREET.

NOW, WHAT COULD BE MORE CLEAR?

YOU MEAN, YOU WANT US
TO SHARE AN APARTMENT?

( laughs ) WAIT A SECOND, SHE DOESN'T
KNOW WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.

- NO...
- ACTUALLY, IT'S NOT SUCH A BAD IDEA.

WELL, WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?

CAN I SAY SOMETHING?

( all chattering )

- BYE-BYE.
- UH, BYE-BYE.

GEE, THEY MAKE A NICE COUPLE.

THAT WAS NO COUPLE.
THAT WAS MY GIRLFRIEND.

AND MY BOYFRIEND.

OH, GOSH, I'VE ONLY
BEEN HERE A FEW MINUTES,

AND I'VE ALREADY
MESSED THINGS UP, HUH?

YOU DON'T WANT ME
LIVIN' HERE. I'LL BE GOING.

( chattering )

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
- HANG ON A SECOND. NOT SO FAST.

- YOU DIDN'T KNOW
WHO THOSE PEOPLE WERE.
- RIGHT.

I MEAN, IT'S TRUE, YOU
DID LOUSE THINGS UP,

BUT I'VE MADE A
FEW MISTAKES IN MY...

- JACK, JACK, JACK...
- LAST SUMMER, I MADE A LITTLE ONE...

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE
THE REST OF THE APARTMENT?

- OKAY.
- Janet: OKAY.

BUT WAIT A MINUTE, I'D LIKE
TO GET MY BOAT. JUST A SEC'.

NO, SHE DIDN'T SAY,
"BOAT," DID SHE?

NAH, I THINK SHE SAID, "COAT."

- RIGHT...
- COAT? WHY WOULD SHE LEAVE WITH A B...

( all chattering )

WHOA, A BOAT! WHOA, A BOAT.

IT'S AN ACTUAL BOAT, HERE.

- HI.
- MY BOAT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A BOAT?

IT'S FOR THE SWIMMIN' POOL.

I GOT SO EMBARRASSED WHEN IT
ACCIDENTALLY INFLATED ON THE BUS.

( chuckles )

CINDY, WE DON'T
HAVE A SWIMMING POOL.

BUT I THOUGHT CHRISSY SAYS
EVERYBODY DOWN HERE HAS A POOL.

UH, OURS WAS STOLEN.

WHY DON'T I JUST PUT
THIS OUTSIDE, OKAY?

GEE, I'M REAL SORRY.

BOY, THAT SUITCASE...
OH, LET ME HELP YOU.

YEAH, IT'S A LITTLE CROOKED
UP HERE, BUT I CAN FIX IT.

DON'T WORRY, I THINK I'LL
JUST SCREW THIS BACK ON.

GEE, I MUSTA KNOCKED THIS LOOSE.

IT'LL BE FINE. ( muttering )

YEAH, GOOD HEAVENS. ( sighs )

WELL, NOW, THE BOAT'S
ALL DOCKED, AND...

YOU SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL!

- IS IT BROKEN?
- NO, IT'S JUST
FLATTENED A LITTLE.

LOOK, CINDY, PERHAPS I
SHOULD SHOW YOU THE BEDROOM.

- OKAY.
- OKAY!

OH.

THERE, THAT'S BETTER. WHOA!

NO, NO, WAIT, IT'S
OKAY. I'LL HANDLE THAT.

I'LL GET IT, OKAY? NO PROBLEM.

I'LL GET MY OTHER SUITCASE.

THE ONE WITH THE WRECKING BALL?

- RIGHT IN HERE.
- OH, THANKS!

HANG ON... WHOA!

- JACK...
- WHOA!

JANET? JEANETTE? CAN I SPEAK TO
YOU FOR JUST ONE SECOND, HERE?

WHAT IS IT, JACK?

I HOPE HURRICANE CINDY
IS US PASSING THROUGH.

DON'T WORRY, I'LL
TAKE CARE OF THIS.

WHY DON'T YOU GO
MAKE US SOME LUNCH?

LUNCH? YEAH, I BETTER
USE PAPER PLATES, HUH?

CINDY, UH, YOU COULD SLEEP HERE.

TERRIFIC. AND WHICH
DRESSER SHOULD I USE?

YOU'RE UNPACKING? OH! SURE,
SURE, YOU'D BE UNPACKING.

GO AHEAD AND USE THAT ONE.

- GREAT, THANKS.
- ( Janet chuckles )

GOLLY, IT'S REAL NICE THAT YOU COULD
GET DOWN TO L.A. FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.

OH, I'LL BE STAYING HERE
FOR A LOT LONGER THAN THAT.

HOW LONG... HOW NICE!

- I START MY NEW JOB ON MONDAY.
- THAT'S NICE.

YEAH, AT CHRISSY'S OLD
OFFICE. SHE GOT ME THE JOB.

- GOOD OLD CHRISSY.
- YEAH, REALLY!

YEAH, REALLY.

JANET, I AM SO EXCITED!

I JUST KNOW I'M
GONNA LOVE LIVIN' HERE.

OH, WELL, NOW, LET'S
NOT BE TOO HASTY.

SIT DOWN, CINDY. SIT
DOWN AND CHAT WITH ME.

OKAY.

SEE, I HATE TO BREAK
THIS TO YOU, BUT THERE ARE

A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH
THIS KIND OF SITUATION.

- YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
- YOU DO?

YEAH, I'M GONNA HAVE THE SAME
PROBLEM HERE THAT I HAD BACK HOME.

OH, WHAT PROBLEM WAS THAT?

WELL, IT SEEMS I ALWAYS PLAYED
SECOND FIDDLE TO CHRISSY,

BECAUSE SHE WAS SO
BEAUTIFUL, AND I COME DOWN HERE,

AND I END UP WITH A
GORGEOUS ROOMMATE.

THERE ARE NO PROBLEMS
THAT CAN'T BE OVERCOME.

LET ME HELP YOU UNPACK.

OKAY.

- JANET, CAN I SEE YOU?
- YEAH? EXCUSE ME,
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

- YEAH, JACK?
- WELL, HOW LONG'S SHE STAYING?

- AS LONG AS SHE LIKES.
- WHAT?

WELL, CINDY, TELL ME
HOW COME YOU LEFT HOME.

OH, WELL, IT ALL STARTED WHEN
MY MOTHER FOUND MY DIARY,

AND SHE READ IT FROM
BEGINNING TO END.

NO! WHAT HAPPENED?

SHE FELL ASLEEP.

SHE SAID IT WAS THE DULLEST
THING SHE'D EVER READ.

OH, NO KIDDING!

YEAH. OH, JANET, GOSH, THIS IS
SO DIFFERENT FROM A SMALL TOWN.

I'M GONNA BE MEETING GUYS

WHO NEVER EVEN KNEW ME
WHEN I HAD BRACES ON MY TEETH.

IT'S A WHOLE NEW LIFE. I FEEL LIKE
A CHICKEN COMIN' OUT OF AN EGG.

OH, WELL, JUST LOOK OUT FOR
SOME OF THE ROOSTERS DOWN HERE.

LOOK, WHILE YOU FINISH UNPACKING,
I'LL GO HELP JACK WITH SOME LUNCH.

- OH, PLEASE, LET ME! LET ME.
- ( yelps ) SURE, HONEY.

AS LONG AS I'M GOING TO BE
LIVING HERE, I WANT TO BE HELPFUL.

I, UH... I THOUGHT YOU
MIGHT NEED SOME HELP.

OH, I DO, I DO.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

( doorbell rings )

( groans ) I GUESS YOU
KNOW WHY I'M HERE.

YOU WANT TO PLAY TENNIS?

- I WANT THE RENT.
- OH.

- I TRIPPED OVER THIS DARN
THING ON MY WAY UP HERE.
- OH.

OH, YOU NICE MAN! YOU
FOUND MY RACQUET FOR ME.

AND I ALMOST
BROKE MY FOOT ON IT.

OH, I'M SORRY.

WHO'S THIS?

OH, I'M SORRY, MR. FURLEY.
THIS IS CINDY, CHRISSY'S COUSIN.

THIS IS OUR
LANDLORD, MR. FURLEY.

- Cindy: HI.
- SHE'S GONNA BE LIVING
WITH US FOR A WHILE.

- Cindy: NICE TO MEET YA.
- Furley: OHH, GREAT.

AS LONG AS SHE CAN PAY
HER SHARE OF THE RENT.

- OH, I CAN, I CAN.
- GOOD, GOOD.

JUST AS SOON AS I GET MY
FIRST PAYCHECK, IN TWO WEEKS.

IN TWO WEEKS? OH, NO,
THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

I NEED IT RIGHT NOW.

MY, YOU'RE A TAURUS, AREN'T YOU?

- A WHAT?
- YOU WERE BORN IN MAY, RIGHT?

HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT?

OH, I CAN SPOT A
TAURUS ANYWHERE.

THOSE PIERCING
EYES, THAT FIRM JAW,

THAT CONFIDENT SWAGGER
OF A BORN LEADER,

THAT MAGNETISM THAT
WOMEN FIND SO IRRESISTIBLE.

OH, SHE'S GO-OOD.

SHE HASN'T MISSED A THING!

WAIT A MINUTE, YOUNG LADY!

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOIN',
AND IT'S NOT GONNA WORK.

I KNEW IT, YOU CAN'T PUT
ANYTHING OVER ON A TAURUS.

YOU'RE DARN RIGHT, YOU
CAN'T, AND IF YOU DON'T COME UP

WITH THAT MONEY IN...

TWO WEEKS, OUT YOU GO!

YES, SIR.

AND YOU CAN TAKE YOUR
TWO FRIENDS HERE WITH YOU.

MAYBE YOU KIDS'LL LEARN
NOT TO MESS WITH A TAURUS!

( doorbell rings )

HEY, JACKY, HOW'D YOU MAKE OUT
IN THE ROOMMATE SWEEPSTAKES?

AS A MATTER OF FACT...

DON'T TELL ME, YOU ENDED
UP WITH BILL, AM I RIGHT?

- WELL, ACTUALLY, LARRY...
- I KNEW IT!

I KNEW IT THE MINUTE I WALKED OUT
THAT DOOR, I KNEW IT WOULD BE BILL.

YOU KNOW, THAT JANET, SHE'S GOT
YOU WRAPPED AROUND HER LITTLE FINGER.

YOU KNOW WHAT
YOUR PROBLEM IS, JACK?

WHO, WHO, WHO...

- OH, THAT'S BILL.
- BILL?

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT HE LOOKS
LIKE WHEN HE GETS READY FOR BED.

HEY, BILL, BILL, I
DON'T THINK WE'VE MET!

NO, SORRY, BILL
DOESN'T LIKE STRANGERS.

- SAY, BILL!
- GOOD NIGHT, LARRY.

( falsetto ) OOH,
MR. BILL, NO-OO!

( theme music playing )

John Ritter: THREE'S COMPANY WAS
VIDEOTAPED IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.

( theme music playing )