Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 5, Episode 2 - And Justice for Jack - full transcript

( theme song playing )

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE
HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪



♪ WE'VE A LOVEABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE IS COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE IS COMPANY TOO. ♪

- OKAY, JACK. JACK?
- HMM?

DO YOU WANT ME TO
PRESS YOUR PANTS, OR NOT?

HANG ON A MINUTE, JANET.

FORGET IT! I DON'T
HAVE ALL NIGHT.

HEY, WHAT ABOUT MY PANTS?

PUT 'EM UNDER YOUR
MATTRESS AND LAY DOWN AWHILE.



- JANET, COME ON,
IT'LL JUST TAKE A MINUTE.
- NO.

- PLEASE?
- JACK!

I'M SORRY. ( laughs )

OH, NO. I'M REALLY,
REALLY SORRY.

HONESTLY, JACK!

I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE.

I WASN'T THINKING.

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE TOLD
YOU NOT TO UNDRESS IN FRONT OF US?

JANET, I SAID I WAS
SORRY, AND I PROMISE YOU,

I WILL NEVER, EVER, DO IT AGAIN.

OKAY, OKAY. MAYBE
THERE'S HOPE FOR YOU YET.

- HERE YOU ARE.
- JACK!

JUST DO THE BEST YOU CAN. I WANT TO
LOOK JUST RIGHT FOR MY JOB TOMORROW.

( doorbell rings )

( whimpers )

HI, ACE. I, UH...

LOOK, IF I'M INTERRUPTING
ANYTHING, HERE, UH...

COME ON, LARRY,
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

- I CAN COME BACK.
- LARRY!

I WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU
WANT TO SPEND THE EVENING

WITH A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY.

NO THANKS, PAL, I'D RATHER
SPEND THE EVENING WITH JANET.

WELL, I UNDERSTAND.

( clears throat ) SOME
OTHER TIME, PERHAPS?

JUST A MINUTE, LARRY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

"YOU UNDERSTAND"? WHAT
KIND OF CRACK IS THAT?

HEY, DON'T GET UPSET. WHAT TWO OUT OF THREE
ROOMMATES DO IN THEIR OWN LIVING ROOM...

LARRY, JUST BECAUSE CHRISSY
WENT TO VISIT HER PARENTS...

DON'T GET SO UPSET...

HEY, BREAK IT UP! GUYS, LISTEN.

I WANNA GO TO BED EARLY TONIGHT

BECAUSE I START MY NEW
JOB AT THE DINER TOMORROW.

OH, YEAH, THE DINER.

IF I DROP IN AND
TELL THE MAITRE D'

THAT I'M A FRIEND OF THE CHEF'S,

YOU THINK I COULD GET A TABLE
OVERLOOKING THE GARBAGE CANS? ( chortling )

MAYBE IT IS ONLY A DINER,
BUT STARTING TOMORROW,

IT'S GONNA BE SERVING
SOME VERY GOOD FOOD.

THE BEST.

AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE. I'M
GONNA ADD A TOUCH OF CLASS TO THAT PLACE.

ONLY IF YOU SHAVE YOUR LEGS.

OH, JACK!

I'LL HAVE A HAMBURGER, FRENCH
FRIES, AND A CHEESEBURGER TO GO.

HAMBURGER, SIDE OF FRIES,
AND A CHEESEBURGER ON A TRIP.

RIGHT.

- THE BLUE PLATE SPECIAL.
- ONE "DEATH WISH."

YOU GOT IT.

( humming )

( meat sizzling )

BOP, BOP, BOP-BOP.

( imitates splashing )

OKAY.

( hums ) MM, MM, MM-MM.

HEY, YOU'RE DOIN' GREAT, KID.

YOU SEEM SURPRISED.

IT IS YOUR FIRST DAY,
AND THINGS GET HECTIC.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. I
COOK WELL UNDER PRESSURE.

REALLY?

YEAH, I'M WHAT'S KNOWN AS A
"PRESSURE COOKER." ( laughs )

I'M COOKING, AND
THERE'S... PRESSURE.

A SENSE OF HUMOR. I LIKE THAT.

WELL...

OH, WE'RE GONNA
GET ALONG JUST FINE.

TAKE THAT.

HI.

HI. AH! ( shouts )

CAN I HELP YOU?

CAN I HAVE ORANGE JUICE,
SWEET ROLL, AND COFFEE?

YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT.

I'D LIKE A DONUT AND
A CUP OF COFFEE...

GIVE ME A CHANCE,
WILL YOU, BUDDY?!

CAN I, UH, GET YOU CREAM
AND SUGAR IN YOUR CAFÉ?

FRANKS AND BEANS, AND
SHAKE AND BREAK A COWBOY.

"SHAKE AND BREAK A COWBOY?"

- WESTERN OMELET.
- OH! OF COURSE.

SHE'LL TAKE YOUR ORDER.
EXCUSE ME. ( winces )

( whistles )

FRANKS AND BEANS. WHOA!

BREAK AND SHAKE A
COWBOY, WITH COFFEE.

BREAKING AND... WHY DO THEY
CALL IT BREAKING AND SHAKING...

OH, OOPS.

( imitates shaking, mutters )

EXCUSE ME. SORRY.

OH, CAN YOU GET IT? OH...

( sizzling continues )

OH, HERE, LET ME ME,
UH... ( laughs nervously )

- MRS. MARCONI?
- YES, JACK?

UH, I, UH...

- YOUNG MAN?
- YES?

DO YOU HAVE A DIET SPECIAL?

UH, DIET SPECIAL? YES, WE DO.

GOOD, I'LL HAVE TWO OF THEM.

AND A CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE.

TWO DIET SPECIALS AND
A CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE.

( crowd chattering )

TUNA SALAD ON RYE!

OKAY.

- HOLD THE MAYO!
- HOLD THE MAYO.

HAM AND EGGS, OVER
EASY. WHOLE WHEAT TOAST.

HEY, WHERE'S MY HAMBURGER?

YOU LOST A HAMBURGER?

I DIDN'T GET IT YET.

YOU DIDN'T GET THE HAM... I
KNOW WHERE IT IS. HANG ON.

Man #1: I'D LIKE A BOWL
OF CHICKEN SOUP.

A BOWL OF CHICKEN
SOUP. OKAY, YOU GOT IT.

LET ME JUST GET THIS OUT HERE.

HERE'S THE EGGS,
RIGHT HERE, OKAY.

WHOA, WHOA! BACK UP. OKAY, EASY.

THE, UH... THE, UH... THE,
UH, BEANS AND FRANKS.

( muttering ) OKAY, HOLD
ON HERE FOR A SECOND.

UH, AND OH.

AND THE, UH, DOGS. THE DOGS!

COME ON, DOGS. GET
ALONG, LITTLE DOGGIE.

OKAY, WHEW!

UH...

I'LL TAKE THAT, JACK.
HEY, YOU'RE DOING FINE.

THANK YOU, MRS. MARCONI. IT'S EASY
ONCE YOU GET THE HANG... ( shouts )

WHOA! WHEW. SORRY ABOUT THAT.

( coughs ) HOT STUFF.

THANK YOU.

YOUR... HOW ABOUT
MY CHICKEN SOUP?

- YOU HAD THE CHICKEN SOUP?
- YEAH.

I'M RIGHT ON IT.
( imitates chicken )

HERE WE GO. ( muttering )

OH...

HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

I WANTED TO MAKE SURE
THIS WAS THE RIGHT SOUP.

MMM. CHICKEN, RIGHT?
OOH! MRS. MARCONI...

IT'S THE TRUTH, JANET. SHE
COULDN'T KEEP HER HANDS OFF ME.

OH, JACK, YOU SAY
THAT ABOUT EVERY GIRL.

THIS WAS NOT A GIRL.

I WAS WORKING FOR AN OCTOPUS.

JANET, EVERY TIME
I TURNED AROUND,

THERE SHE WAS, HITTING ON ME,

SQUEEZING THIS, GRABBING THAT.

GRABBING WHAT?

WHERE DO YOU
USUALLY GET PINCHED?

OH!

( imitates Janet ) OH!

YOU'RE REALLY UPSET
ABOUT THIS, AREN'T YOU?

UPSET?! WHY WOULD I BE UPSET?

BECAUSE I SPENT EIGHT
HOURS DODGING A SEX FIEND?

OR BECAUSE I'M SO BLACK AND
BLUE, I CAN HARDLY SIT DOWN?

- WHY WOULD I BE UPSET?
- I'M GLAD YOU'RE NOT UPSET.

( knocking at door )

COME IN!

- HIYA, JACK.
- HIYA, LARRY.

HOW DID THINGS GO
IN YOUR NEW JOB?

CAN'T YOU TELL? TERRIBLE.
HIS BOSS KEPT HITTING ON HIM.

THAT'S DISGUSTING.

I HOPE YOU DIDN'T LET
HIM GET AWAY WITH IT.

IT'S NOT A "HIM."

OH, THEN WHAT ARE
YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT?

WHAT AM I COMPLAINING
ABOUT? WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE?

DON'T LOOK, LARRY. DON'T LOOK.

HIS LITTLE BOTTOM IS
ALL BLACK AND BLUE.

( giggles )

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

HE TOLD ME. ( giggles )

YOU KNOW, JANET, YOU WOULDN'T THINK
IT WAS FUNNY IF YOUR BOSS HIT ON YOU.

THAT'S WHAT I KEEP TELLING HIM.

JACK, THE NEXT TIME
SHE TRIES SOMETHING,

ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS TELL HER
YOU'RE NOT THAT SORT OF GUY.

YEAH, JUST TELL HER YOUR HEART
BELONGS TO SOMEBODY ELSE.

JANET, IT'S NOT HIS
HEART SHE'S PINCHING.

( both laughing )

OH, YOU TWO ARE A BIG HELP.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT MYSELF.

- HOW?
- HOW? WELL, I'LL... I'LL
JUST HANDLE IT MY OWN WAY.

WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO,
JACK? TURN THE OTHER CHEEK?

( both laughing )

GOOD NIGHT. THANK YOU
FOR COMING. BYE-BYE.

AHH!

MY, YOU'RE JUMPY TODAY.

REALLY? I WONDER WHY.

WELL, HERE I AM.

HUH?

YOU SAID YOU
WANTED TO TALK TO ME.

I DID? OH, YEAH, I DID.

( clears throat ) MRS. MARCONI, WHY
DON'T WE BOTH SIT DOWN OVER HERE?

SURE, JACK.

NOW, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

WELL, UH, ACTUALLY,
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

I DON'T LIKE BEING
TOUCHED WHEN I'M WORKING.

( stammering ) IT-IT
MAKES ME NERVOUS.

OH, BUT YOU'RE NOT WORKING NOW.

UH, IT STILL MAKES ME NERVOUS.

UH, MRS. MARCONI, I LIKE
TO DO MY JOB, NOTHING ELSE.

IF I'M NERVOUS, I WON'T BE DOING A
GOOD JOB, WHICH ISN'T FAIR TO YOU.

IF I'M ALWAYS LOOKING BEHIND ME,

I CAN'T SEE WHAT'S
IN FRONT OF ME.

I JUST CAN'T WORK THAT
WAY. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND.

- OF COURSE I UNDERSTAND.
- YOU DO?

I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY.
AND YOU'RE FIRED.

OH, BOY, I...

SO THE NEXT THING I
KNOW, SHE FIRED ME.

BOY, THAT'S AWFUL.

YOU SHOULDA KEPT
YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

COME ON, LARRY.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF SOME WOMAN
WAS FOLLOWING YOU AROUND ALL THE TIME,

GRABBING YOU EVERYWHERE,
FALLING ALL OVER YOU, AND...

LOOK WHO I'M ASKING.

LARRY'S RIGHT, IT WAS A
MISTAKE TO SAY ANYTHING.

NO, IT WAS A MISTAKE FOR HER
TO FIRE YOU. IT'S AGAINST THE LAW.

TO FIRE A COOK?

NO, IT'S AGAINST THE
LAW TO FIRE SOMEONE

WHO DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY
GAMES, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

LARRY, WHO TOLD YOU THAT?

MY SECRETARY. I MEAN, UH...

NO, UH, I HEARD IT THROUGH
ANOTHER SALESMAN,

AND KIND OF A
GRAPEVINE TYPE OF THING.

AND I, UH... THANKS
FOR THE COFFEE.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

LARRY FINALLY SAID
SOMETHING THAT MAKES SENSE.

I SHOULDA KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT.

NO, JACK, COME ON, THIS IS A
CLEAR-CUT CASE OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

TAKE YOUR BOSS TO COURT
AND GET YOUR JOB BACK!

JANET, FORGET ABOUT IT.

WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WAS
VERY, VERY EMBARRASSING.

I'D JUST SOON NOT HAVE THE
WHOLE WORLD KNOW ABOUT IT.

IT'S TOO LATE. YOU
ALREADY TOLD LARRY.

ARE YOU KIDDING? MEN DON'T
GOSSIP. LARRY WON'T SAY ANYTHING.

- ( Janet laughs )
- ( doorbell rings )

JACK, YOU CAN'T LET HER GET
AWAY WITH A THING LIKE THAT!

HI. JACK, THAT
WOMAN HAD NO RIGHT

TO TREAT YOU LIKE...
LIKE A SEX OBJECT.

Jack: SEX OBJECT?

SHE HAD YOU AROUND FOR ONE
REASON ONLY. MAKE HER PAY FOR IT!

WHAT'S THIS? SOME
WOMAN'S GONNA PAY JACK?

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING. ( laughs )

Janet: UH, MR. FURLEY...

WHAT'S SHE GONNA PAY
HIM WITH, FAIRY DUST?

( mutters )

MR. FURLEY, DID YOU
WANT SOMETHING?

OH, I JUST FOUND OUT
ABOUT JACK LOSING HIS JOB.

- WHERE'D YOU HEAR THAT?
- LARRY JUST TOLD ME.

SHUT UP.

ANYWAY, IF THERE'S
ANYTHING I CAN DO...

- YOU CAN HELP ME CONVINCE JACK
TO TAKE HIS BOSS TO COURT.
- TO COURT? WHY?

TO FIGHT FOR HIS RIGHTS.

SHE FIRED HIM BECAUSE HE TOLD
HER TO KEEP HER HANDS TO HERSELF.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO, SHE'S NOT KIDDING. THE
WOMAN WAS ALL OVER ME.

GEE, HOW AWFUL.

SO, YOU CAN SEE, THIS IS A CLEAR
CUT CASE OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

- ARE YOU SURE?
- OF COURSE. DIDN'T YOU HEAR?

- ARE YOU SURE
IT'S HA- RASSMENT?
- YES.

AND NOT HA- RASS- MENT?

WHAT?

SOME PEOPLE SAY HA- RASSMENT,
AND SOME PEOPLE SAY HA- RASS- MENT.

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

IT MAKES A LOT OF DIFFERENCE!
IF IT EVER HAPPENS TO ME,

I WANT TO KNOW HOW
TO PRONOUNCE IT.

WOULD YOU MIND IF WE GOT
BACK TO JACK'S PROBLEM?

IT THOUGHT THAT'S
WHAT WE WERE DOING.

JUST FORGET IT, OKAY?
I'M NOT GOING TO COURT.

I'M NOT ABOUT TO
MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF.

JACK, BETTER A
FOOL THAN A COWARD.

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

JACK, YOU SOUND LIKE
WOMEN WHO'VE BEEN ATTACKED,

AND THEY'RE AFRAID TO TESTIFY BECAUSE
THEY DON'T WANT TO BE EMBARRASSED.

WAIT...

STOP HER BEFORE SHE
DOES THIS TO SOMEBODY ELSE.

IF SHE PULLED THIS
WITH A GUY LIKE YOU,

IMAGINE WHAT SHE'D DO
WITH A REGULAR GUY LIKE ME.

ANYWAY, JACK, GET AN ATTORNEY
FROM COUNTY LEGAL ASSISTANCE.

IT WOULDN'T COST A CENT.

FOR THE LAST TIME, NO.
NO LAWYERS, NO COURTS.

( arguing )

WAIT A MINUTE! I
THINK JACK IS RIGHT.

- WHAT?
- IT'S HIS DECISION.

HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO TO
COURT, THAT'S HIS PRIVILEGE.

THANK YOU.

HE DOESN'T THINK HIS JOB IS WORTH
FIGHTING FOR, THAT'S HIS RIGHT.

IT'S A FREE COUNTRY.

THIS APARTMENT ISN'T, AND IF YOU DON'T
HAVE THE RENT, I'M TAKIN' YOU TO COURT!

THAT'S WHY I THOUGHT I'D
TALK TO A LAWYER, MR. HIGGINS.

WELL, MR. TRIPPER,
IT'S MOST UNUSUAL.

I THINK YOU GOT A
CASE. YEAH, WE'LL TAKE IT.

GOOD! I HATE TO ASK YOU THIS.
IT WON'T COST ME ANYTHING?

- NOT A CENT.
- NOT A CENT, HUH?

BOY, I SURE HOPE I DON'T
GET MY MONEY'S WORTH.

( laughs ) OH, FORGET IT.

HIGGINS, I JUST WANTED
TO ASK YOU... OH...

JACK, THIS IS MY BOSS. MS.
CALLAHAN, JACK TRIPPER.

- TRIPPER.
- FOR THAT SEX CASE.

OF COURSE.

HIGGINS, THAT'S JUST WHAT I
WANTED TO SEE YOU ABOUT.

I INTEND TO TAKE
THIS CASE MYSELF.

BE A GOOD BOY, AND
TELL MY SECRETARY.

OH, AND GIVE HER
THIS FOLDER, PLEASE.

OH, RIGHT.

NICE TALKING TO
YOU, MR. HIGGINS.

- GOOD LUCK.
- THANKS.

- WELL...
- SIT DOWN, MR. TRIPPER.

TELL ME, NOW,

EXACTLY HOW DID YOUR
EMPLOYER HARASS YOU?

WELL, IT BEGAN THE FIRST DAY

I STARTED WORK AT THE DINER.

SHE STARTED UNDRESSING
ME WITH HER EYES.

THE WAY SHE LOOKED AT
ME... YEAH, JUST LIKE THAT.

YOU'VE GOT IT DOWN PAT.

POOR, POOR MAN.

WELL, YEAH, IT'S BEEN ROUGH.

WHY DON'T YOU AND I DISCUSS
YOUR CASE OVER LUNCH?

I KNOW A WONDERFUL RESTAURANT
JUST AROUND THE CORNER.

WA-HOO!

( murmuring )

COUNSEL FOR THE COMPLAINANT,
CALL YOUR FIRST WITNESS.

THANK YOU.

IF IT PLEASES YOUR
HONOR, I WOULD LIKE TO CALL

MR. JACK TRIPPER TO THE STAND.

I THOUGHT JACK WAS BEING
HANDLED BY A WOMAN LAWYER.

HE WAS. THAT'S WHY
HE GOT RID OF HER.

HELLO, YOUR EXCELLENCY...

RAISE YOUR RIGHT HAND.

DO YOU SWEAR TO TELL THE TRUTH,

THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND
NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH?

- YES'M.
- YOU MAY SIT DOWN.

NOW, MR. TRIPPER, WOULD YOU LIKE

TO TELL US WHAT HAPPENED
ON THE TENTH OF JUNE?

NO.

IT'S JUST SO TERRIBLY PERSONAL.

I KNOW THIS IS
EMBARRASSING FOR YOU,

BUT WOULD YOU PLEASE
ANSWER THE QUESTION?

( quietly ) OKAY.

IT WAS THE FIRST DAY
I STARTED WORKING...

WOULD YOU SPEAK
UP A LITTLE, PLEASE?

( quietly ) IT WAS MY
FIRST DAY AT WORK...

( shouts ) LOUDER!

( normal volume ) IT WAS
MY FIRST DAY AT WORK.

EVERY TIME MY BOSS CAME NEAR,
SHE PINCHED AND GRABBED ME.

UH-HUH. JUST WHERE DID
THE DEFENDANT GRAB YOU?

ALL OVER.

ALL OVER?

YEAH, BEHIND THE COUNTER,

IN THE STORE ROOM,
BY THE FRONT DOOR,

AND ONCE BY THE GRILL, WHERE
I WAS COOKING HAMBURGERS.

I ALMOST BURNED MY BUNS.

MR. TRIPPER, DID YOU AT
ANY TIME LET YOUR EMPLOYER

KNOW HOW YOU FELT ABOUT
HER SEXUAL ADVANCES?

YES, SIR, I DID. THAT'S
WHEN SHE FIRED ME.

SHE FIRED YOU, WHEN ALL YOU DID

WAS OBJECT TO BEING PINCHED,

AND GRABBED, AND CARESSED?

YOU LOST YOUR JOB WHEN YOU
LET HER KNOW YOU WERE UNWILLING

TO SUBMIT TO THIS
SEXUAL HARASSMENT?

- OBJECTION.
- Judge: OVERRULED.

- I HAVE NO FURTHER QUESTIONS.
- OH, BLESS YOU.

JUST A MOMENT. I HAVE A
QUESTION, IF YOU DON'T MIND.

NO, SIR. YES, SIR.

ISN'T IT TRUE, MY
CLIENT FIRED YOU

BECAUSE SHE WASN'T SATISFIED
WITH YOUR PERFORMANCE?

I OBJECT! JACK NEVER
EVEN TOUCHED HER!

( Judge raps gavel ) ORDER!

- DIDN'T YOU DROP SOUP
IN A CUSTOMER'S LAP?
- YES...

- DIDN'T YOU NEARLY
SET FIRE TO THE DINER?
- YEAH, BUT...

CAN YOU DENY YOU'RE MAKING UP THIS
STORY TO COVER UP YOUR INCOMPETENCE?

- NO... I MEAN, YEAH...
- Janet: THAT'S A LIE!

JACK WOULD NEVER MAKE
UP A STORY LIKE THAT.

HE'S MUCH TOO INNOCENT,
AND HE'S VERY SHY.

YOU SEEM VERY CONCERNED
ABOUT THIS WITNESS.

I OUGHT TO BE, WE'VE BEEN
LIVING TOGETHER FOR FOUR YEARS.

YOU HAVE?

PLEASE, YOUR HONOR,
SHE'S TRYING TO HELP.

I HOPE YOU DON'T
GET THE WRONG IDEA.

JUST BECAUSE HE
LIVES WITH TWO GIRLS

DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING
WRONG IS GOIN' ON.

TWO GIRLS?

TWO GIRLS. NO, I KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

EVERYONE THINKS THAT JACK...

UH, YOUR HONOR, CAN YOU PLEASE
THROW ME OUT OF THIS COURTROOM?

YOUR HONOR, I MAKE A
MOTION FOR DISMISSAL.

DENIED. MR. TRIPPER'S PERSONAL
LIFE DOES NOT CONCERN US HERE.

THE ONLY ISSUE WE HAVE TODAY IS
THE CHARGE: SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

NOW I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU
SOMETHING, MR. TRIPPER.

MR. TRIPPER, CAN
YOU TELL ME IF IT...

THAT'S VERY NICE
COLOGNE YOU'RE WEARING.

WHAT'S IT CALLED?

UH, MATING CALL, I BELIEVE.

- MATING CALL, HMM? HOW QUAINT.
- I'M GLAD YOU LIKE IT.

YOU ALWAYS WEAR YOUR
SHIRT OPEN LIKE THAT?

AND THOSE TROUSERS,
AREN'T THEY RATHER TIGHT?

YOU THINK THEY TURN WOMEN ON?

WHAT? NO...

- YOU THINK THEY MAKE YOU
IRRESISTIBLE, DON'T YOU?
- IRRESISTIBLE?

YES, YOU ARE ALL ALIKE, WITH THOSE
TIGHT TROUSERS AND OPEN SHIRTS,

REEKING OF ANIMAL MUSK,
FLAUNTING YOURSELF!

AND WHEN SOME POOR WOMAN MAKES THE
SLIGHTEST RESPONSE, YOU ACT SURPRISED.

- REEKING?
- YOU'RE JUST ASKING FOR IT. SHAME ON YOU!

GO HOME AND PUT ON SOME
DECENT CLOTHES. CASE DISMISSED.

JUST A MINUTE HERE!
JUST A... HOLD IT!

I CAN'T BELIEVE MY EARS!

I CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES.

YOU'VE GOT JACK HERE
FIGURED OUT ALL WRONG.

WAIT, I'LL GET HER TO
CHANGE HER DECISION.

THANKS A LOT, MR. FURLEY.
HOW ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT?

LET ME HANDLE IT. YOUR HONOR, THERE'S
BEEN A GREAT MISCARRIAGE OF JUSTICE.

- I BEG YOUR PARDON...
- SHH! GO ON.

JUST LOOK AT HIM. CAN'T
YOU TELL HE'S INNOCENT?

YOU DON'T ACCUSE A
MAN OF HIT-AND-RUN

WHO'S NEVER EVEN DRIVEN A CAR.

THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DON'T
ACCUSE A MAN OF HIT-AND-RUN...

WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I'M TALKING ABOUT, YOU
KNOW, YOUR PROBLEM.

OH, NO, NO, NO.

RELAX, I'M GONNA WIN
YOUR CASE FOR YOU.

IF YOU'RE TRYING TO MISLEAD THIS
COURT, YOU HAVE ANOTHER THING COMING.

I KNOW A WOMAN-CHASING
PLAYBOY WHEN I SEE ONE.

WELL, YES, I DO HAVE
THAT REPUTATION...

BUT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
JACK, AND BELIEVE ME,

JACK COULD NEVER LEAD A
WOMAN ON, BECAUSE HE'S...

GUILTY, GUILTY, YOUR HONOR!

( all chattering )

( gavel banging )

HI, JACK. HOW WAS THE NEW JOB?

DON'T ASK.

- WHY? WHAT HAPPENED?
- THE SAME OLD THING.

YOU'RE KIDDING. I THOUGHT
YOUR BOSS WAS A MAN.

HE IS, BUT HE HAS A DAUGHTER.

OH, NO, HIS DAUGHTER
BOTHERED YOU?

BOTHERED ME? I COULDN'T
KEEP MY MIND ON MY WORK.

EVERY TIME I TURNED
AROUND, BOOM, THERE SHE WAS.

JACK, PINCHING AND GRABBING?

YES, SO WE SAT DOWN,
AND I TALKED TO HER.

ANOTHER TALK? YOU'RE
GONNA LOSE THIS JOB, TOO?

SHE SAID, IF I KEEP MY HANDS OFF
HER, SHE WOULDN'T TELL HER FATHER!

( laughing, shouting )

( theme music playing )

John Ritter: THREE'S COMPANY WAS
VIDEOTAPED IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.

( theme music playing )