Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 4, Episode 3 - The New Landlord - full transcript
The roommates are faced with eviction until Jack convinces Lana to have dinner with their new landlord, Mr. Furley.
(theme music playing)
♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪
♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪
♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE
HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪
♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪
♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪
ME TOO. HI, JIM.
HI, LADIES, BE WITH
YOU IN A MINUTE OR TWO.
HEY, LARRY. MIND IF WE JOIN YOU?
NOT ALL ALL. JUST DON'T
BLOCK MY VIEW OF THE DOOR.
WHY, ARE YOU EXPECTING SOMEONE?
YEAH, I'M WAITING FOR
MY DATE FOR TONIGHT.
YEAH? WHAT'S SHE LIKE?
WELL, SHE'S GOT
BEAUTIFUL, LONG RED HAIR,
BIG GREEN EYES AND
FULL, LUSCIOUS LIPS,
AND A BODY THAT JUST WON'T QUIT.
- OOH!
- WHAT'S HER NAME?
I DON'T KNOW. BUT IF ANYONE
COMES IN WHO LOOKS LIKE THAT
- I'M GONNA FIND OUT.
- Both: LARRY!
WHAT'S WITH THE SIGNS?
WE'VE BEEN PUTTING THESE UP
EVERYWHERE. WE'RE HAVING A GARAGE SALE.
SORRY, CAN'T HELP YOU. I
ALREADY BOUGHT A GARAGE.
(laughs) GET IT?
I BOUGHT A GARAGE.
I'D SAY IT WAS THE HEAT, BUT HIS
JOKES SOUND JUST AS BAD IN THE WINTER.
OKAY, NO MORE JOKES. TELL
ME ABOUT YOUR GARAGE SALE.
- IT'S NOT OUR GARAGE SALE.
- THEN WHOSE IS IT?
OURS.
IT'S OUR SALE, IT'S
NOT OUR GARAGE.
OH.
LARRY, YOU KNOW
WE DON'T HAVE A CAR.
WHY WOULD WE HAVE A GARAGE?
I GIVE UP, JANET. YOU TRY.
- IT'S THE ROPER'S GARAGE.
- AHH.
YEAH, WHEN THEY MOVED, THEY
LEFT A LOT OF STUFF IN THERE
AND THEY SAID WE COULD DO
ANYTHING WE WANTED WITH IT.
SO WE'RE GONNA SELL IT ALL
TO RAISE MONEY FOR THE RENT.
RIGHT, BUT IT'S
NOT GONNA BE EASY.
ONLY AN IDIOT WOULD BUY
THE JUNK THEY LEFT BEHIND.
HEY, WHY DON'T WE INVITE
THE ROPERS TO THE SALE?
THEY BOUGHT IT ONCE,
MAYBE THEY'LL BUY IT AGAIN.
- (snorts, laughs)
- CHRISSY, YOU'RE
TERRIBLE!
I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER BEER.
CAN I BUY YOU GIRLS A DRINK?
- LARRY, THANKS, YEAH!
- YEAH.
COULD YOU LEND ME A COUPLE OF
BUCKS? I'LL PAY YOU BACK TOMORROW.
- Both: LARRY!
- THREE.
HI, WHAT CAN I GET YOU?
WELL, LET'S SEE.
GOT ANY 12-YEAR-OLD
SCOTCH BACK THERE?
ANYTHING YOUNGER THAN THAT, A REAL
SCOTCH DRINKER WOULD THROW IT BACK.
HOW'S THIS?
LET'S SEE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
LISTENING FOR THE BAGPIPES.
YOU WANT THAT ON THE ROCKS?
NO, PUT IT IN A TALL GLASS
WITH A LITTLE ROOT BEER.
ROOT BEER?
YEAH. AND THROW A
CHERRY IN THERE, TOO.
- A CHERRY.
- GOT ANY WHIPPED CREAM?
NEVER MIND. I'LL
TAKE IT STRAIGHT.
OKAY.
TWO COKES FOR THE LADIES, JIM,
AND I'LL HAVE ANOTHER BEER.
YOU'LL PROBABLY BE SEEING A LOT
OF ME AROUND HERE FROM NOW ON.
NAME'S RALPH FURLEY,
BACHELOR-AT-LARGE.
I'LL BE RUNNING THINGS AT
THE OLD ROPERS' BUILDING.
OH, THEN YOU'RE THE NEW OWNER.
NOT EXACTLY. MY BROTHER
BART BOUGHT THE BUILDING,
BUT I'M GONNA BE
THE NEW MANAGER.
LANDLORD-IN-RESIDENCE,
SO TO SPEAK.
I'LL BE IN TOTAL CHARGE,
AND I RUN A TIGHT
SHIP, LET ME TELL YOU.
HERE YOU GO, LARRY.
THAT'S SUCH A COINCIDENCE.
I'M ONE OF YOUR TENANTS, 304.
WELL HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, 304.
(coughs)
COULD YOU PUT A LITTLE
MORE ROOT BEER IN THAT?
WHY DON'T YOU COME
OVER TO MY TABLE?
I'M SITTING WITH THOSE TWO GIRLS.
THEY LIVE IN THE BUILDING, TOO.
RIGHT ABOVE YOU,
AS A MATTER OF FACT.
I GUESS IT COULDN'T
HURT ANYTHING.
I THINK TENANTS AND
LANDLORDS SHOULD BE FRIENDS.
SURE.
WHY DON'T YOU
INTRODUCE YOURSELF?
ONE OF MY PRESCRIPTIONS
HAS JUST BEEN FILLED.
HI.
MY NAME'S RALPH FURLEY.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET
TO KNOW ME SOONER OR LATER.
SO WHAT'S WRONG WITH...
WHAT'S WRONG WITH RIGHT NOW?
OKAY, GUESS WHAT I AM.
I DON'T HAVE TO GUESS.
I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.
WHATEVER HE IS, HE'S
A FUNNY-LOOKING ONE.
WE'RE GONNA BE SEEING
A LOT OF EACH OTHER.
I THINK WE'VE SEEN
ENOUGH ALREADY.
I TAKE MY DUTIES
VERY SERIOUSLY, GIRLS.
SO YOU CAN CONSIDER ALL
YOUR LITTLE WORRIES OVER.
JUST THINK HOW SAFE YOU'RE GONNA
FEEL WHEN YOU GO TO BED AT NIGHT
KNOWING I'LL BE SLEEPING
RIGHT UNDERNEATH YOU.
WHAT?
YOU'LL FEEL MY GOOD VIBRATIONS
ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT.
ARE YOU FOR REAL?
IF YOU'VE GOT ANY COMPLAINTS,
JUST GIVE THEM TO ME.
WE'VE GOT ONE BIG ONE RIGHT NOW.
YEAH, AND I WISH IT WOULD LEAVE.
I'LL TELL YOU THIS, LADIES,
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN SHOW ME
THAT I CAN'T HANDLE.
DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST HEARD?
YEAH. SEE IF YOU
COULD HANDLE THIS.
TURKEY!
HI, GUYS, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING BACK SO SOON?
- WHAT IS THAT?
- THIS?
HEY, MEET LUAU LULU,
THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE.
WHERE DID YOU GET THIS THING?
- IN THE GARAGE.
- THAT FIGURES.
IT'S JUST LIKE ROPER TO HAVE
A LAMP AS CHEESY AS THIS.
I KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S SEXIST, LEWD, CHEAP...
AND IT'S GONNA LOOK
GREAT ON MY NIGHT STAND.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO BE SELLING THIS JUNK.
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO RAISE MONEY
IF YOU'RE UP HERE FOOLING AROUND?
FOOLING AROUND, HUH?
WANNA CHECK THIS OUT?
- Chrissy: JACK!
- WHERE DID YOU
GET THAT MONEY?
THIS JUNK DEALER CAME BY AND
HAULED HALF THE FURNITURE AWAY.
WHY DIDN'T HE TAKE ALL OF IT?
CHRISSY, EVEN JUNKMEN
HAVE THEIR PRIDE.
THIS IS THE MONEY FOR OUR RENT
THIS MONTH. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
- JACK, YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
- YAY, JACK!
OH CHRISSY, YOU JUMP
BETTER THAN ANYBODY I KNOW.
- YOU'RE SO BAD!
- (doorbell rings)
I'LL GET IT.
WE MEET AGAIN!
- IT'S HIM!
- Jack: IT'S WHO?
SOME CREEP WHO WAS
PESTERING US AT THE REGAL BEAGLE.
GET OUT OF THE WAY, I'LL
TAKE CARE OF THIS CLOWN.
LISTEN, IF YOU GIRLS
ARE EMBARRASSED
ABOUT THAT MISUNDERSTANDING
AT THE REGAL BEAGLE,
- I'M WILLING
TO FORGET ALL ABOUT IT.
- LOOK, FELLA,
DON'T MAKE ME GET
ROUGH. JUST TAKE A HIKE!
ARE YOU THE ONES
HAVING THE GARAGE SALE?
YEAH, BUT WE DON'T
TAKE MONEY FROM JERKS!
- THAT LAMP! IS THAT FOR SALE?
- THIS?
YOU WOULD ACTUALLY
CONSIDER BUYING THIS LAMP?
HE'S A BIGGER WEIRDO
THAN I THOUGHT.
YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW RARE THESE ARE.
I GOTTA HAVE THIS LITTLE BABY.
IT'LL GIVE ME A MATCHING SET.
YOU HAVE ANOTHER
LAMP LIKE THIS ONE?
YEAH, LUAU LULU.
IT'S IN THE GARAGE WITH
THE REST OF MY FURNITURE.
YOUR FURNITURE?
YEAH, I HAD THEM
PUT IT IN THE GARAGE
TILL THEY FINISHED MY
APARTMENT DOWNSTAIRS.
YOUR APARTMENT?
DO YOU HAVE A HEARING PROBLEM?
- DOES HE HAVE
A HEARING PROBLEM?
- WHAT?
(yells) YES! MY APARTMENT!
I'M RALPH FURLEY! I'M GOING TO
BE THE NEW BUILDING MANAGER!
- THE NEW WHAT?
- THE NEW WHO?
THE NEW WHICH?
THEY ALL HAVE A HEARING PROBLEM!
HERE YOU ARE, MR. FURLEY.
YOU SOLD ALL MY MOST PRICELESS
TREASURES. HOW COULD YOU?
BELIEVE ME, IT WASN'T EASY.
HONEST, WE'VE BEEN LIVING
HERE FOR THREE YEARS
- AND NOTHING LIKE THIS HAS
EVER HAPPENED BEFORE.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
AND EVERY TIME IT DID
MR. ROPER ALWAYS GOT OVER IT.
YOU'RE GIVING HIM A LITTLE MORE
OF AN EXPLANATION THAN HE NEEDS.
YOU MEAN THE THREE OF
YOU LIVE HERE TOGETHER?
YES. DIDN'T MR. ROPER TELL YOU?
OH, YES.
YOU MUST BE WOOD,
SNOW, AND TRIP... PER.
YEAH, ROPER TOLD HIM, ALL RIGHT.
(doorbell rings)
I'LL GET THAT. EXCUSE
ME, MR. FURLEY.
- HI.
- HELLO, LANA,
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
OH, I'M JUST BEING NEIGHBORLY.
I THOUGHT I'D STOP IN AND
TRY AND BORROW SOME SUGAR.
- OH SURE, HELP YOURSELF.
- THANK YOU.
- COME ON, SUGAR.
- NO WAIT, LANA!
I CAN'T GO. I HAVE TO GET TO
THE BANK BEFORE IT CLOSES.
OH, WELL JUST THINK OF ME
AS YOUR OWN PERSONAL
WALK-UP WINDOW.
LANA! I WANT THAT MONEY.
SO, MAKE A WITHDRAWAL.
OH YEAH? (laughs)
YOU THINK I WON'T
JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT...
- (Chrissy snickering)
- Jack: WHAT ARE YOU
LAUGHING AT?
IT'S A TREASURE CHEST!
- YOU WANT
A TREASURE CHEST?
- NO, JACK, COME ON!
COME ON, LANA.
THAT'S THE OLDEST
TRICK IN THE WORLD.
AND IT STILL WORKS.
JACK, YOU'RE NO FUN.
YOU MAY NOT KNOW IT,
BUT I HAVE A PORSCHE.
WHY DON'T YOU GO GET UNDER IT?
THAT'S MR. FURLEY,
HE'S THE NEW LANDLORD.
OH! EXCUSE ME.
GET UNDER IT, PLEASE.
JACK, IF YOU'D LIKE TO
DROP OFF SOME SUGAR,
I'LL BE WAITING IN MY
APARTMENT WITH EMPTY CUPS.
THOSE EYES, THAT HAIR! WHO
IS THAT MAGNIFICENT CREATURE?
- YOU MEAN LANA.
- LANA?
RALPH WANT LANA.
I THOUGHT YOU WANTED
YOUR FURNITURE.
I WANT THAT, TOO. GET IT BACK!
MR. FURLEY, I CAN'T, SEE? I
DON'T KNOW WHO BOUGHT IT.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET HIS NAME?
NO. THERE WAS SOMETHING
WRITTEN ON THE SIDE OF HIS TRUCK...
GREAT! WHAT WAS IT?
"JUNK."
IN THAT CASE, I'LL TAKE THIS.
THAT'S OUR MONEY FOR THE RENT!
- YOU DON'T HAVE
TO PAY THE RENT.
- WE DON'T?
NO, BECAUSE I'M EVICTING YOU.
TOMORROW'S THE FIRST OF
THE MONTH, AND OUT YOU GO.
- YOU'RE EVICTING US?
- WAIT A MINUTE,
MR. FURLEY...
YOU CAN'T THROW THREE
HELPLESS CHILDREN INTO THE STREET.
YOU WON'T BE ABLE
TO SLEEP AT NIGHT.
I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT
ANYWAY, YOU SOLD MY BED!
IT'S NO USE, GIRLS! WE
MIGHT AS WELL START PACKING.
WE'LL JUST HAVE TO CANCEL
THE MEET-THE-NEW-MANAGER
DINNER PARTY WE HAD PLANNED.
Girls: MEET THE...?
I KNOW. I'M JUST AS
DISAPPOINTED AS YOU ARE.
BUT I WANT YOU TWO TO
BE THE ONES TO TELL LANA.
PASSIONATE WOMEN LIKE
HER JUST GET HYSTERICAL.
LANA WAS INVITED
TO THE DINNER PARTY?
OH, YEAH!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
SOMETHING JUST OCCURRED TO ME.
EXCUSE ME... I WAS
JUST THINKING...
INSTEAD OF A LOUD,
CROWDED PARTY,
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO AN
INTIMATE DINNER FOR TWO,
JUST YOU AND LANA?
- ME AND LANA?
- YEAH, YOU KNOW...
SOFT MUSIC, FINE WINE,
CANDLELIT CONVERSATION?
CHOUETTE A LA MODE?
CHOUETTE A LA MODE?
IT'S A FRENCH-ROMANIAN
GOURMET DISH...
ONE BITE WILL DRIVE LANA WILD.
- WONDERFUL! YOU FIX
IT FOR US TONIGHT.
- YOU GOT... OH!
OH, NO. I JUST REMEMBERED...
I'LL BE BUSY PACKING...
AFTER ALL, WE WERE EVICTED.
IT'S NOT OFFICIAL YET.
IT'S NOT?
- LOOK, TRIPPER...
- YEAH?
YOU TAKE CARE OF THE
DINNER, I'LL TAKE CARE OF LANA.
IF ALL GOES WELL,
NOBODY MOVES OUT.
LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME.
DINNER AND LANA
WILL BE SERVED AT 8:00.
UNTIL THEN, BON APPETIT!
YOU'RE NUTS! THIS IS
NEVER GONNA WORK.
YOU SAW THE WAY
LANA TREATED HIM.
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET
HER TO HAVE DINNER WITH HIM!
I WILL IF SHE THINKS
I'M THE MAIN COURSE.
WHERE IS SHE? IT'S
ONE MINUTE PAST 8:00!
DON'T WORRY, SHE'LL
BE HERE ANY SECOND.
THINK I HAVE TIME FOR
ANOTHER BREATH MINT?
- OKAY, HOW WE DOIN'?
- ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT US
TO DO THIS?
YOU KNOW HOW WE
ARE IN THE KITCHEN.
YEAH, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO
COOK, YOU JUST HAVE TO SERVE.
WHEN THE ROAST IS READY,
JUST PUT IT ON THE PLATTER,
- AND BRING IT OUT, OKAY?
- (doorbell rings)
- I'LL GET IT.
- NO, JACK, WAIT...
JUST RELAX, JANET.
OKAY, HERE WE GO!
HI, JACKIE BOY.
LANA, COME IN. MAY
I TAKE YOUR WRAP?
WELL, THAT'S A START...
WHAT'S HE DOING HERE?
WELL, HE... SEE...
LANA, WHY DON'T WE
GO INTO MY BEDROOM?
OH, AT LAST!
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
LANA, LET'S TALK
ABOUT FURLEY FIRST.
WHATEVER TURNS
YOU ON, JACKIE BOY.
NO, SEE I INVITED YOU
TO HAVE DINNER WITH ME
BECAUSE IF I SAID YOU'D BE
HAVING DINNER WITH FURLEY,
YOU NEVER WOULD
HAVE COME UP AT ALL.
YOU'RE RIGHT. GOODBYE.
WAIT, LANA, PLEASE,
YOU'VE GOTTA DO IT.
PLEASE? I PROMISED THE GUY.
IF YOU DON'T, HE'LL EVICT US.
WHERE WILL YOU GO?
SOMEPLACE FAR, FAR AWAY.
TOO FAR EVEN TO WRITE.
OUR RELATIONSHIP WILL
NEVER GET A CHANCE...
TO FULLY DEVELOP.
AND ALL I HAVE TO DO IS
HAVE DINNER WITH HIM?
RIGHT! AND BE NICE.
- NO.
- LANA, FOR ME?
- ON ONE CONDITION.
- SAY WHAT.
I DON'T SPEND ONE
MOMENT ALONE WITH HIM.
YOU STAY IN THE ROOM
THE WHOLE TIME, AGREED?
THAT WOULD BE SORT
OF HARD... THEN NO DEAL.
WAIT, OKAY, I'LL STAY. OKAY?
WELL, WELL, HERE WE ARE.
SO, WHY DON'T WE ALL SIT DOWN?
WE?
I THOUGHT LANA AND I WERE
GONNA HAVE DINNER ALONE.
YOU ARE, BUT...
IN ROMANIA, THE CHEF ALWAYS
SITS AT THE TABLE WITH HIS FOOD...
TO MAKE SURE IT'S
EATEN PROPERLY.
ISN'T THAT SORT OF
LIKE A DICTATORSHIP?
I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL MY
LIFE FOR A NIGHT LIKE THIS.
SO HAVE I.
(laughs)
ME TOO.
WHAT DO YOU SAY FOR A
LITTLE WINE, MR. FURLEY?
GIVE LANA SOME WINE.
I SURE WILL. LANA,
HERE'S SOME VINO.
AHH.
LANA, MY DEAR, EVER SINCE
I FIRST LAID EYES ON YOU...
I KNEW WE WERE DESTINED TO BE.
YOUR EYES, YOUR
HAIR... (cracking)
(laughs)
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
IN ROMANIA, PEOPLE LAUGH
AT THE TABLE ALL THE TIME.
'CAUSE THEY'RE SO HAPPY
THEY'RE NOT OUT IN THE
FIELDS PULLING A PLOW!
WELL, LANA, I HOPE AFTER TONIGHT,
WE'LL BE MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS.
I MUST CONFESS...
I DO TEND TO ATTACH
MYSELF TO PEOPLE I LIKE.
- (yelps)
- Mr. Furley: WHAT'S
THE MATTER?
NOTHING. THAT'S ROMANIAN
FOR "HAVE SOME MORE WINE."
A TOAST TO LANA...
WHO, LIKE OLD WINE,
GETS BETTER WITH AGE.
I WILL DRINK TO
LANA'S BEAUTY AS WELL!
TO YOUR BEAUTY.
(blows tone)
CHRISSY! YOU BETTER HURRY UP!
I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN!
- YOU BETTER GO FASTER THAN...
- (both scream)
LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!
ME?
OWN! OH! HOT!
GET A PLATE!
- GO WASH IT OFF.
- WASH IT?
YES, WASH IT OFF!
Janet: I'LL CLEAN UP THE FLOOR.
WHAT ARE YOU... WHOA!
- (girls scream)
- (glass shatters)
I KNEW THIS EVENING
WAS GONNA BE A DISASTER!
ALL RIGHT, LOOK.
JUST GRAB THE CAKE
AND FOLLOW ME, OKAY?
AT LAST, THE MOMENT HAS COME!
DINNER IS SERVED.
THAT'S A CAKE!
Jack: WHAT, THAT? THAT'S A CAKE.
OF COURSE, THAT'S A
CAKE. BUT IN ROMANIA,
IT'S A TRADITION TO SKIP THE MAIN
COURSE AND START BACKWARDS.
THAT WAY, YOU ALWAYS
HAVE ROOM FOR DESSERT.
THERE'S SOMETHING
VERY WRONG HERE.
YOU'RE RIGHT. HOW STUPID
OF ME. I ALMOST FORGOT.
NO ONE IN ROMANIA EVER EATS
BEFORE THE ENTERTAINMENT.
THAT'S WHY CHRISSY AND JANET
WILL NOW PERFORM FOR YOU...
THE FAMOUS ROMANIAN
"YUM YUM" SONG.
"YUM YUM" SONG?
"YUM YUM" SONG! GO AHEAD, GIRLS.
- "GO AHEAD, GIRLS"?
- JANET WILL GO FIRST.
IT'S THE FAMOUS SONG MY FAMOUS
ROMANIAN GRANDMOTHER TAUGHT ME.
♪ IN ROMANIA, WE LOVE TO DANCE ♪
♪ IT'S THE COUNTRY OF ROMANCE ♪
♪ GRAB YOUR PARTNER
AND TAKE A SPIN ♪
♪ THEN SIT RIGHT DOWN
AND HAVE YOUR "DIN"... ♪
Jack: THEN, OF COURSE, THE
WONDERFUL ROMANIAN CHORUS...
♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪
♪ YUM YUM YUM, YUM YUM! ♪
All three: HEY! YUM, YUM, YUM...
- Jack: EVERYBODY DANCE!
- All three: ♪ YUM YUM,
YUM YUM! HEY! ♪
♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪
♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪
♪ YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM ♪
♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪
♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪
♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪
♪ YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM ♪
♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪
TO ROMANIA!
All: TO ROMANIA!
I CAN'T REMEMBER WHEN
I'VE HAD SO MUCH FUN!
WE'LL HAVE TO DO
THIS AGAIN SOMETIME...
RIGHT AFTER LANA AND I COME
BACK FROM OUR ROMANIAN CRUISE.
AFTER WHO COMES BACK FROM WHERE?
WE'RE ALL GONNA BE
SUCH GOOD NEIGHBORS.
WE ARE? YOU MEAN WE CAN STAY?
STAY? WHERE WERE YOU GOING?
- OH, NOWHERE!
- THANKS FOR HELPING,
LANA.
I HOPE YOU AND MR. FURLEY
HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME
ON YOUR ROMANIAN CRUISE.
ROMANIA?
I HEAR IT'S WONDERFUL THIS
TIME OF YEAR. YOU'LL LOVE IT.
ROMANIA, MY AUNT FANNY!
LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, BUSTER,
I'D SOONER GO DOWN WITH THE SHIP
THAN TO TAKE A CRUISE
WITH YOU TO ANYWHERE.
LANA, BE NICE.
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD
EVEN BE SEEN IN PUBLIC WITH A...
WORM LIKE HIM?
LANA, YOU WANT SOME CAKE?
EVEN A WORM WOULDN'T BE
SEEN WITH A WORM LIKE HIM.
SO JUST STAY AWAY
FROM ME, MR. MANAGER!
THAT LANA'S SUCH A KIDDER!
SHE REALLY LIKES
YOU, I CAN TELL.
- IT'S TRUE,
MR. FURLEY...
- SO TRUE!
MR. FURLEY? ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT? SAY SOMETHING.
SHE LOVES ME.
(doorbell rings)
- OH, HI,
MR. FURLEY.
- PLEASE DON'T SHOUT.
Chrissy: WE'RE SORRY...
ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
I CAN'T REMEMBER A
THING ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
BUT I DO REMEMBER
THIS IS THE FIRST,
- AND I WANT THE RENT!
- Jack: THE RENT?
WE THOUGHT YOU'D BE
HERE TO SETTLE THE BILL
FOR LAST NIGHT'S DINNER.
LET'S SEE, THERE WAS
THE FOOD AND THE WINE...
THE SINGING AND DANCING
AND THE GRATUITIES,
THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST,
THE CHAMPAGNE BATH.
CHAMPAGNE BATH?
THAT COMES TO A GRAND
TOTAL OF... LOOK AT THIS!
$300! WHAT A COINCIDENCE,
THAT'S EXACTLY HOW MUCH
WE OWE YOU FOR THE RENT.
CHAMPAGNE BATH?
TELL YOU WHAT, WE'LL
JUST CALL IT EVEN.
HERE'S YOUR RECEIPT.
THANK YOU KINDLY.
I DON'T REMEMBER
ANY CHAMPAGNE BATH.
YOU DON'T?
MY GOODNESS, THAT WAS
THE HIT OF THE EVENING.
YOU MEAN LANA SAW
ME IN THE BATHTUB?
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BE EMBARRASSED.
THE LITTLE BUBBLES
HID EVERYTHING.
(theme music playing)
(theme music continues)
"THREE'S COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED
IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.
♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪
♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪
♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE
HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪
♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪
♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪
ME TOO. HI, JIM.
HI, LADIES, BE WITH
YOU IN A MINUTE OR TWO.
HEY, LARRY. MIND IF WE JOIN YOU?
NOT ALL ALL. JUST DON'T
BLOCK MY VIEW OF THE DOOR.
WHY, ARE YOU EXPECTING SOMEONE?
YEAH, I'M WAITING FOR
MY DATE FOR TONIGHT.
YEAH? WHAT'S SHE LIKE?
WELL, SHE'S GOT
BEAUTIFUL, LONG RED HAIR,
BIG GREEN EYES AND
FULL, LUSCIOUS LIPS,
AND A BODY THAT JUST WON'T QUIT.
- OOH!
- WHAT'S HER NAME?
I DON'T KNOW. BUT IF ANYONE
COMES IN WHO LOOKS LIKE THAT
- I'M GONNA FIND OUT.
- Both: LARRY!
WHAT'S WITH THE SIGNS?
WE'VE BEEN PUTTING THESE UP
EVERYWHERE. WE'RE HAVING A GARAGE SALE.
SORRY, CAN'T HELP YOU. I
ALREADY BOUGHT A GARAGE.
(laughs) GET IT?
I BOUGHT A GARAGE.
I'D SAY IT WAS THE HEAT, BUT HIS
JOKES SOUND JUST AS BAD IN THE WINTER.
OKAY, NO MORE JOKES. TELL
ME ABOUT YOUR GARAGE SALE.
- IT'S NOT OUR GARAGE SALE.
- THEN WHOSE IS IT?
OURS.
IT'S OUR SALE, IT'S
NOT OUR GARAGE.
OH.
LARRY, YOU KNOW
WE DON'T HAVE A CAR.
WHY WOULD WE HAVE A GARAGE?
I GIVE UP, JANET. YOU TRY.
- IT'S THE ROPER'S GARAGE.
- AHH.
YEAH, WHEN THEY MOVED, THEY
LEFT A LOT OF STUFF IN THERE
AND THEY SAID WE COULD DO
ANYTHING WE WANTED WITH IT.
SO WE'RE GONNA SELL IT ALL
TO RAISE MONEY FOR THE RENT.
RIGHT, BUT IT'S
NOT GONNA BE EASY.
ONLY AN IDIOT WOULD BUY
THE JUNK THEY LEFT BEHIND.
HEY, WHY DON'T WE INVITE
THE ROPERS TO THE SALE?
THEY BOUGHT IT ONCE,
MAYBE THEY'LL BUY IT AGAIN.
- (snorts, laughs)
- CHRISSY, YOU'RE
TERRIBLE!
I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER BEER.
CAN I BUY YOU GIRLS A DRINK?
- LARRY, THANKS, YEAH!
- YEAH.
COULD YOU LEND ME A COUPLE OF
BUCKS? I'LL PAY YOU BACK TOMORROW.
- Both: LARRY!
- THREE.
HI, WHAT CAN I GET YOU?
WELL, LET'S SEE.
GOT ANY 12-YEAR-OLD
SCOTCH BACK THERE?
ANYTHING YOUNGER THAN THAT, A REAL
SCOTCH DRINKER WOULD THROW IT BACK.
HOW'S THIS?
LET'S SEE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
LISTENING FOR THE BAGPIPES.
YOU WANT THAT ON THE ROCKS?
NO, PUT IT IN A TALL GLASS
WITH A LITTLE ROOT BEER.
ROOT BEER?
YEAH. AND THROW A
CHERRY IN THERE, TOO.
- A CHERRY.
- GOT ANY WHIPPED CREAM?
NEVER MIND. I'LL
TAKE IT STRAIGHT.
OKAY.
TWO COKES FOR THE LADIES, JIM,
AND I'LL HAVE ANOTHER BEER.
YOU'LL PROBABLY BE SEEING A LOT
OF ME AROUND HERE FROM NOW ON.
NAME'S RALPH FURLEY,
BACHELOR-AT-LARGE.
I'LL BE RUNNING THINGS AT
THE OLD ROPERS' BUILDING.
OH, THEN YOU'RE THE NEW OWNER.
NOT EXACTLY. MY BROTHER
BART BOUGHT THE BUILDING,
BUT I'M GONNA BE
THE NEW MANAGER.
LANDLORD-IN-RESIDENCE,
SO TO SPEAK.
I'LL BE IN TOTAL CHARGE,
AND I RUN A TIGHT
SHIP, LET ME TELL YOU.
HERE YOU GO, LARRY.
THAT'S SUCH A COINCIDENCE.
I'M ONE OF YOUR TENANTS, 304.
WELL HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, 304.
(coughs)
COULD YOU PUT A LITTLE
MORE ROOT BEER IN THAT?
WHY DON'T YOU COME
OVER TO MY TABLE?
I'M SITTING WITH THOSE TWO GIRLS.
THEY LIVE IN THE BUILDING, TOO.
RIGHT ABOVE YOU,
AS A MATTER OF FACT.
I GUESS IT COULDN'T
HURT ANYTHING.
I THINK TENANTS AND
LANDLORDS SHOULD BE FRIENDS.
SURE.
WHY DON'T YOU
INTRODUCE YOURSELF?
ONE OF MY PRESCRIPTIONS
HAS JUST BEEN FILLED.
HI.
MY NAME'S RALPH FURLEY.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET
TO KNOW ME SOONER OR LATER.
SO WHAT'S WRONG WITH...
WHAT'S WRONG WITH RIGHT NOW?
OKAY, GUESS WHAT I AM.
I DON'T HAVE TO GUESS.
I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.
WHATEVER HE IS, HE'S
A FUNNY-LOOKING ONE.
WE'RE GONNA BE SEEING
A LOT OF EACH OTHER.
I THINK WE'VE SEEN
ENOUGH ALREADY.
I TAKE MY DUTIES
VERY SERIOUSLY, GIRLS.
SO YOU CAN CONSIDER ALL
YOUR LITTLE WORRIES OVER.
JUST THINK HOW SAFE YOU'RE GONNA
FEEL WHEN YOU GO TO BED AT NIGHT
KNOWING I'LL BE SLEEPING
RIGHT UNDERNEATH YOU.
WHAT?
YOU'LL FEEL MY GOOD VIBRATIONS
ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT.
ARE YOU FOR REAL?
IF YOU'VE GOT ANY COMPLAINTS,
JUST GIVE THEM TO ME.
WE'VE GOT ONE BIG ONE RIGHT NOW.
YEAH, AND I WISH IT WOULD LEAVE.
I'LL TELL YOU THIS, LADIES,
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN SHOW ME
THAT I CAN'T HANDLE.
DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST HEARD?
YEAH. SEE IF YOU
COULD HANDLE THIS.
TURKEY!
HI, GUYS, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING BACK SO SOON?
- WHAT IS THAT?
- THIS?
HEY, MEET LUAU LULU,
THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE.
WHERE DID YOU GET THIS THING?
- IN THE GARAGE.
- THAT FIGURES.
IT'S JUST LIKE ROPER TO HAVE
A LAMP AS CHEESY AS THIS.
I KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S SEXIST, LEWD, CHEAP...
AND IT'S GONNA LOOK
GREAT ON MY NIGHT STAND.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO BE SELLING THIS JUNK.
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO RAISE MONEY
IF YOU'RE UP HERE FOOLING AROUND?
FOOLING AROUND, HUH?
WANNA CHECK THIS OUT?
- Chrissy: JACK!
- WHERE DID YOU
GET THAT MONEY?
THIS JUNK DEALER CAME BY AND
HAULED HALF THE FURNITURE AWAY.
WHY DIDN'T HE TAKE ALL OF IT?
CHRISSY, EVEN JUNKMEN
HAVE THEIR PRIDE.
THIS IS THE MONEY FOR OUR RENT
THIS MONTH. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
- JACK, YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
- YAY, JACK!
OH CHRISSY, YOU JUMP
BETTER THAN ANYBODY I KNOW.
- YOU'RE SO BAD!
- (doorbell rings)
I'LL GET IT.
WE MEET AGAIN!
- IT'S HIM!
- Jack: IT'S WHO?
SOME CREEP WHO WAS
PESTERING US AT THE REGAL BEAGLE.
GET OUT OF THE WAY, I'LL
TAKE CARE OF THIS CLOWN.
LISTEN, IF YOU GIRLS
ARE EMBARRASSED
ABOUT THAT MISUNDERSTANDING
AT THE REGAL BEAGLE,
- I'M WILLING
TO FORGET ALL ABOUT IT.
- LOOK, FELLA,
DON'T MAKE ME GET
ROUGH. JUST TAKE A HIKE!
ARE YOU THE ONES
HAVING THE GARAGE SALE?
YEAH, BUT WE DON'T
TAKE MONEY FROM JERKS!
- THAT LAMP! IS THAT FOR SALE?
- THIS?
YOU WOULD ACTUALLY
CONSIDER BUYING THIS LAMP?
HE'S A BIGGER WEIRDO
THAN I THOUGHT.
YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW RARE THESE ARE.
I GOTTA HAVE THIS LITTLE BABY.
IT'LL GIVE ME A MATCHING SET.
YOU HAVE ANOTHER
LAMP LIKE THIS ONE?
YEAH, LUAU LULU.
IT'S IN THE GARAGE WITH
THE REST OF MY FURNITURE.
YOUR FURNITURE?
YEAH, I HAD THEM
PUT IT IN THE GARAGE
TILL THEY FINISHED MY
APARTMENT DOWNSTAIRS.
YOUR APARTMENT?
DO YOU HAVE A HEARING PROBLEM?
- DOES HE HAVE
A HEARING PROBLEM?
- WHAT?
(yells) YES! MY APARTMENT!
I'M RALPH FURLEY! I'M GOING TO
BE THE NEW BUILDING MANAGER!
- THE NEW WHAT?
- THE NEW WHO?
THE NEW WHICH?
THEY ALL HAVE A HEARING PROBLEM!
HERE YOU ARE, MR. FURLEY.
YOU SOLD ALL MY MOST PRICELESS
TREASURES. HOW COULD YOU?
BELIEVE ME, IT WASN'T EASY.
HONEST, WE'VE BEEN LIVING
HERE FOR THREE YEARS
- AND NOTHING LIKE THIS HAS
EVER HAPPENED BEFORE.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
AND EVERY TIME IT DID
MR. ROPER ALWAYS GOT OVER IT.
YOU'RE GIVING HIM A LITTLE MORE
OF AN EXPLANATION THAN HE NEEDS.
YOU MEAN THE THREE OF
YOU LIVE HERE TOGETHER?
YES. DIDN'T MR. ROPER TELL YOU?
OH, YES.
YOU MUST BE WOOD,
SNOW, AND TRIP... PER.
YEAH, ROPER TOLD HIM, ALL RIGHT.
(doorbell rings)
I'LL GET THAT. EXCUSE
ME, MR. FURLEY.
- HI.
- HELLO, LANA,
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
OH, I'M JUST BEING NEIGHBORLY.
I THOUGHT I'D STOP IN AND
TRY AND BORROW SOME SUGAR.
- OH SURE, HELP YOURSELF.
- THANK YOU.
- COME ON, SUGAR.
- NO WAIT, LANA!
I CAN'T GO. I HAVE TO GET TO
THE BANK BEFORE IT CLOSES.
OH, WELL JUST THINK OF ME
AS YOUR OWN PERSONAL
WALK-UP WINDOW.
LANA! I WANT THAT MONEY.
SO, MAKE A WITHDRAWAL.
OH YEAH? (laughs)
YOU THINK I WON'T
JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT...
- (Chrissy snickering)
- Jack: WHAT ARE YOU
LAUGHING AT?
IT'S A TREASURE CHEST!
- YOU WANT
A TREASURE CHEST?
- NO, JACK, COME ON!
COME ON, LANA.
THAT'S THE OLDEST
TRICK IN THE WORLD.
AND IT STILL WORKS.
JACK, YOU'RE NO FUN.
YOU MAY NOT KNOW IT,
BUT I HAVE A PORSCHE.
WHY DON'T YOU GO GET UNDER IT?
THAT'S MR. FURLEY,
HE'S THE NEW LANDLORD.
OH! EXCUSE ME.
GET UNDER IT, PLEASE.
JACK, IF YOU'D LIKE TO
DROP OFF SOME SUGAR,
I'LL BE WAITING IN MY
APARTMENT WITH EMPTY CUPS.
THOSE EYES, THAT HAIR! WHO
IS THAT MAGNIFICENT CREATURE?
- YOU MEAN LANA.
- LANA?
RALPH WANT LANA.
I THOUGHT YOU WANTED
YOUR FURNITURE.
I WANT THAT, TOO. GET IT BACK!
MR. FURLEY, I CAN'T, SEE? I
DON'T KNOW WHO BOUGHT IT.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET HIS NAME?
NO. THERE WAS SOMETHING
WRITTEN ON THE SIDE OF HIS TRUCK...
GREAT! WHAT WAS IT?
"JUNK."
IN THAT CASE, I'LL TAKE THIS.
THAT'S OUR MONEY FOR THE RENT!
- YOU DON'T HAVE
TO PAY THE RENT.
- WE DON'T?
NO, BECAUSE I'M EVICTING YOU.
TOMORROW'S THE FIRST OF
THE MONTH, AND OUT YOU GO.
- YOU'RE EVICTING US?
- WAIT A MINUTE,
MR. FURLEY...
YOU CAN'T THROW THREE
HELPLESS CHILDREN INTO THE STREET.
YOU WON'T BE ABLE
TO SLEEP AT NIGHT.
I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT
ANYWAY, YOU SOLD MY BED!
IT'S NO USE, GIRLS! WE
MIGHT AS WELL START PACKING.
WE'LL JUST HAVE TO CANCEL
THE MEET-THE-NEW-MANAGER
DINNER PARTY WE HAD PLANNED.
Girls: MEET THE...?
I KNOW. I'M JUST AS
DISAPPOINTED AS YOU ARE.
BUT I WANT YOU TWO TO
BE THE ONES TO TELL LANA.
PASSIONATE WOMEN LIKE
HER JUST GET HYSTERICAL.
LANA WAS INVITED
TO THE DINNER PARTY?
OH, YEAH!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
SOMETHING JUST OCCURRED TO ME.
EXCUSE ME... I WAS
JUST THINKING...
INSTEAD OF A LOUD,
CROWDED PARTY,
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO AN
INTIMATE DINNER FOR TWO,
JUST YOU AND LANA?
- ME AND LANA?
- YEAH, YOU KNOW...
SOFT MUSIC, FINE WINE,
CANDLELIT CONVERSATION?
CHOUETTE A LA MODE?
CHOUETTE A LA MODE?
IT'S A FRENCH-ROMANIAN
GOURMET DISH...
ONE BITE WILL DRIVE LANA WILD.
- WONDERFUL! YOU FIX
IT FOR US TONIGHT.
- YOU GOT... OH!
OH, NO. I JUST REMEMBERED...
I'LL BE BUSY PACKING...
AFTER ALL, WE WERE EVICTED.
IT'S NOT OFFICIAL YET.
IT'S NOT?
- LOOK, TRIPPER...
- YEAH?
YOU TAKE CARE OF THE
DINNER, I'LL TAKE CARE OF LANA.
IF ALL GOES WELL,
NOBODY MOVES OUT.
LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME.
DINNER AND LANA
WILL BE SERVED AT 8:00.
UNTIL THEN, BON APPETIT!
YOU'RE NUTS! THIS IS
NEVER GONNA WORK.
YOU SAW THE WAY
LANA TREATED HIM.
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET
HER TO HAVE DINNER WITH HIM!
I WILL IF SHE THINKS
I'M THE MAIN COURSE.
WHERE IS SHE? IT'S
ONE MINUTE PAST 8:00!
DON'T WORRY, SHE'LL
BE HERE ANY SECOND.
THINK I HAVE TIME FOR
ANOTHER BREATH MINT?
- OKAY, HOW WE DOIN'?
- ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT US
TO DO THIS?
YOU KNOW HOW WE
ARE IN THE KITCHEN.
YEAH, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO
COOK, YOU JUST HAVE TO SERVE.
WHEN THE ROAST IS READY,
JUST PUT IT ON THE PLATTER,
- AND BRING IT OUT, OKAY?
- (doorbell rings)
- I'LL GET IT.
- NO, JACK, WAIT...
JUST RELAX, JANET.
OKAY, HERE WE GO!
HI, JACKIE BOY.
LANA, COME IN. MAY
I TAKE YOUR WRAP?
WELL, THAT'S A START...
WHAT'S HE DOING HERE?
WELL, HE... SEE...
LANA, WHY DON'T WE
GO INTO MY BEDROOM?
OH, AT LAST!
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
LANA, LET'S TALK
ABOUT FURLEY FIRST.
WHATEVER TURNS
YOU ON, JACKIE BOY.
NO, SEE I INVITED YOU
TO HAVE DINNER WITH ME
BECAUSE IF I SAID YOU'D BE
HAVING DINNER WITH FURLEY,
YOU NEVER WOULD
HAVE COME UP AT ALL.
YOU'RE RIGHT. GOODBYE.
WAIT, LANA, PLEASE,
YOU'VE GOTTA DO IT.
PLEASE? I PROMISED THE GUY.
IF YOU DON'T, HE'LL EVICT US.
WHERE WILL YOU GO?
SOMEPLACE FAR, FAR AWAY.
TOO FAR EVEN TO WRITE.
OUR RELATIONSHIP WILL
NEVER GET A CHANCE...
TO FULLY DEVELOP.
AND ALL I HAVE TO DO IS
HAVE DINNER WITH HIM?
RIGHT! AND BE NICE.
- NO.
- LANA, FOR ME?
- ON ONE CONDITION.
- SAY WHAT.
I DON'T SPEND ONE
MOMENT ALONE WITH HIM.
YOU STAY IN THE ROOM
THE WHOLE TIME, AGREED?
THAT WOULD BE SORT
OF HARD... THEN NO DEAL.
WAIT, OKAY, I'LL STAY. OKAY?
WELL, WELL, HERE WE ARE.
SO, WHY DON'T WE ALL SIT DOWN?
WE?
I THOUGHT LANA AND I WERE
GONNA HAVE DINNER ALONE.
YOU ARE, BUT...
IN ROMANIA, THE CHEF ALWAYS
SITS AT THE TABLE WITH HIS FOOD...
TO MAKE SURE IT'S
EATEN PROPERLY.
ISN'T THAT SORT OF
LIKE A DICTATORSHIP?
I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL MY
LIFE FOR A NIGHT LIKE THIS.
SO HAVE I.
(laughs)
ME TOO.
WHAT DO YOU SAY FOR A
LITTLE WINE, MR. FURLEY?
GIVE LANA SOME WINE.
I SURE WILL. LANA,
HERE'S SOME VINO.
AHH.
LANA, MY DEAR, EVER SINCE
I FIRST LAID EYES ON YOU...
I KNEW WE WERE DESTINED TO BE.
YOUR EYES, YOUR
HAIR... (cracking)
(laughs)
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
IN ROMANIA, PEOPLE LAUGH
AT THE TABLE ALL THE TIME.
'CAUSE THEY'RE SO HAPPY
THEY'RE NOT OUT IN THE
FIELDS PULLING A PLOW!
WELL, LANA, I HOPE AFTER TONIGHT,
WE'LL BE MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS.
I MUST CONFESS...
I DO TEND TO ATTACH
MYSELF TO PEOPLE I LIKE.
- (yelps)
- Mr. Furley: WHAT'S
THE MATTER?
NOTHING. THAT'S ROMANIAN
FOR "HAVE SOME MORE WINE."
A TOAST TO LANA...
WHO, LIKE OLD WINE,
GETS BETTER WITH AGE.
I WILL DRINK TO
LANA'S BEAUTY AS WELL!
TO YOUR BEAUTY.
(blows tone)
CHRISSY! YOU BETTER HURRY UP!
I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN!
- YOU BETTER GO FASTER THAN...
- (both scream)
LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!
ME?
OWN! OH! HOT!
GET A PLATE!
- GO WASH IT OFF.
- WASH IT?
YES, WASH IT OFF!
Janet: I'LL CLEAN UP THE FLOOR.
WHAT ARE YOU... WHOA!
- (girls scream)
- (glass shatters)
I KNEW THIS EVENING
WAS GONNA BE A DISASTER!
ALL RIGHT, LOOK.
JUST GRAB THE CAKE
AND FOLLOW ME, OKAY?
AT LAST, THE MOMENT HAS COME!
DINNER IS SERVED.
THAT'S A CAKE!
Jack: WHAT, THAT? THAT'S A CAKE.
OF COURSE, THAT'S A
CAKE. BUT IN ROMANIA,
IT'S A TRADITION TO SKIP THE MAIN
COURSE AND START BACKWARDS.
THAT WAY, YOU ALWAYS
HAVE ROOM FOR DESSERT.
THERE'S SOMETHING
VERY WRONG HERE.
YOU'RE RIGHT. HOW STUPID
OF ME. I ALMOST FORGOT.
NO ONE IN ROMANIA EVER EATS
BEFORE THE ENTERTAINMENT.
THAT'S WHY CHRISSY AND JANET
WILL NOW PERFORM FOR YOU...
THE FAMOUS ROMANIAN
"YUM YUM" SONG.
"YUM YUM" SONG?
"YUM YUM" SONG! GO AHEAD, GIRLS.
- "GO AHEAD, GIRLS"?
- JANET WILL GO FIRST.
IT'S THE FAMOUS SONG MY FAMOUS
ROMANIAN GRANDMOTHER TAUGHT ME.
♪ IN ROMANIA, WE LOVE TO DANCE ♪
♪ IT'S THE COUNTRY OF ROMANCE ♪
♪ GRAB YOUR PARTNER
AND TAKE A SPIN ♪
♪ THEN SIT RIGHT DOWN
AND HAVE YOUR "DIN"... ♪
Jack: THEN, OF COURSE, THE
WONDERFUL ROMANIAN CHORUS...
♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪
♪ YUM YUM YUM, YUM YUM! ♪
All three: HEY! YUM, YUM, YUM...
- Jack: EVERYBODY DANCE!
- All three: ♪ YUM YUM,
YUM YUM! HEY! ♪
♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪
♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪
♪ YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM ♪
♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪
♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪
♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪
♪ YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM ♪
♪ YUM YUM, YUM YUM! HEY! ♪
TO ROMANIA!
All: TO ROMANIA!
I CAN'T REMEMBER WHEN
I'VE HAD SO MUCH FUN!
WE'LL HAVE TO DO
THIS AGAIN SOMETIME...
RIGHT AFTER LANA AND I COME
BACK FROM OUR ROMANIAN CRUISE.
AFTER WHO COMES BACK FROM WHERE?
WE'RE ALL GONNA BE
SUCH GOOD NEIGHBORS.
WE ARE? YOU MEAN WE CAN STAY?
STAY? WHERE WERE YOU GOING?
- OH, NOWHERE!
- THANKS FOR HELPING,
LANA.
I HOPE YOU AND MR. FURLEY
HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME
ON YOUR ROMANIAN CRUISE.
ROMANIA?
I HEAR IT'S WONDERFUL THIS
TIME OF YEAR. YOU'LL LOVE IT.
ROMANIA, MY AUNT FANNY!
LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, BUSTER,
I'D SOONER GO DOWN WITH THE SHIP
THAN TO TAKE A CRUISE
WITH YOU TO ANYWHERE.
LANA, BE NICE.
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD
EVEN BE SEEN IN PUBLIC WITH A...
WORM LIKE HIM?
LANA, YOU WANT SOME CAKE?
EVEN A WORM WOULDN'T BE
SEEN WITH A WORM LIKE HIM.
SO JUST STAY AWAY
FROM ME, MR. MANAGER!
THAT LANA'S SUCH A KIDDER!
SHE REALLY LIKES
YOU, I CAN TELL.
- IT'S TRUE,
MR. FURLEY...
- SO TRUE!
MR. FURLEY? ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT? SAY SOMETHING.
SHE LOVES ME.
(doorbell rings)
- OH, HI,
MR. FURLEY.
- PLEASE DON'T SHOUT.
Chrissy: WE'RE SORRY...
ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
I CAN'T REMEMBER A
THING ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
BUT I DO REMEMBER
THIS IS THE FIRST,
- AND I WANT THE RENT!
- Jack: THE RENT?
WE THOUGHT YOU'D BE
HERE TO SETTLE THE BILL
FOR LAST NIGHT'S DINNER.
LET'S SEE, THERE WAS
THE FOOD AND THE WINE...
THE SINGING AND DANCING
AND THE GRATUITIES,
THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST,
THE CHAMPAGNE BATH.
CHAMPAGNE BATH?
THAT COMES TO A GRAND
TOTAL OF... LOOK AT THIS!
$300! WHAT A COINCIDENCE,
THAT'S EXACTLY HOW MUCH
WE OWE YOU FOR THE RENT.
CHAMPAGNE BATH?
TELL YOU WHAT, WE'LL
JUST CALL IT EVEN.
HERE'S YOUR RECEIPT.
THANK YOU KINDLY.
I DON'T REMEMBER
ANY CHAMPAGNE BATH.
YOU DON'T?
MY GOODNESS, THAT WAS
THE HIT OF THE EVENING.
YOU MEAN LANA SAW
ME IN THE BATHTUB?
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BE EMBARRASSED.
THE LITTLE BUBBLES
HID EVERYTHING.
(theme music playing)
(theme music continues)
"THREE'S COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED
IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.