Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 4, Episode 25 - Jack's Graduation - full transcript

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THIS IS THE THIRD
TIME THIS MONTH

THE SINK HAS BEEN
CLOGGED UP, YOU KNOW.

WE TRIED CLEARING THE DRAIN
OURSELVES WITH A COAT HANGER.

YEAH, I KNOW. HERE IT IS.

- NOW HEAR THIS!
- WHAT?

NEVER, I REPEAT NEVER,

LEAVE THE STRAINER
OFF THE DRAIN.

LOOK AT ALL THESE BOTTLE CAPS

AND WINE CORKS. WHAT
ARE THEY DOING IN THERE?



WE KIND OF HAD A
LITTLE PARTY LAST NIGHT.

A PARTY?

AND YOU DIDN'T INVITE YOUR
SEXY, SWINGING NEIGHBOR?

YEAH, LARRY WAS HERE.

WELL SEE, IT WASN'T
ACTUALLY A PARTY.

- OH?
- IT WAS KIND
OF A PRE-PARTY.

LIKE THE BOSTON PRE-PARTY.

NO, SEE JACK PASSED THE WRITTEN
PART OF HIS FINAL EXAM YESTERDAY,

BUT TODAY HE HAS TO
TAKE THE COOKING PART

AND THEN THIS AFTERNOON WE'LL
KNOW IF HE'S GONNA GRADUATE OR NOT.

BUT WE KNOW HE WILL AND HE
KNOWS HE WILL AND YOU KNOW HE WILL,

SO WE WILL AND
YOU WILL, WON'T YOU?

I WILL WHAT?

COME TO THE REAL PARTY WE'RE GIVING
HIM TONIGHT. WEREN'T YOU LISTENING?

I THINK THE DRAIN IS CLEAR,
BUT MY HEAD IS CLOGGED.

NOW I'LL JUST CONNECT
THIS PIPE BACK UP HERE.

- CHRISSY?
- YEAH?

- YOU TURN THE WATER ON
WHEN I SAY WHEN.
- OKAY.

MR. FURLEY, WHEN
YOU GET FINISHED THERE

THE SINK IN THE BATHROOM
COULD SURE USE SOME HELP TOO.

CAN I EVER GET A MOMENT'S
PEACE AROUND HERE?

WE'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

SURE, WHEN?

OH, MR. FURLEY... OH, OH!

WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?

WELL, YOU SAID WHEN.

(moaning) WHAT A PARTY.

I SWEAR I WILL
NEVER DRINK AGAIN.

WHY DOES MY... WHY
DOES MY CHEST HURT?

- DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
- NO.

LAST NIGHT, AFTER
EVERYBODY ELSE LEFT,

YOU STAYED UP TRYING TO
SUCK AN OLIVE THROUGH A STRAW.

- (metal banging)
- ASPIRIN, WHERE ARE
THE ASPIRINS?

THEY'RE IN THE
CABINET. I'LL GET SOME.

HURRY UP, CHRISSY,
MY HEAD'S POUNDING.

IT'S NOT YOUR HEAD, IT'S FURLEY.
HE'S WORKING ON THE DRAIN.

- HUH?
- HE'S FIXING THE SINK.

HI, JACK.

THE GIRLS TOLD ME YOU'LL BE
GRADUATING SOON. CONGRATULATIONS.

THANKS, MR. FURLEY.
IN A FEW DAYS

I WILL BE A FULL-FLEDGED CHEF
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

YOU CAN WEAR AN
APRON OVER YOUR DRESS?

WELL, I'LL JUST GO BACK TO WORK.

- HERE YOU GO, JACK.
- THANKS, CHRISSY.

SOON I'LL BE MAKING STEADY MONEY

AND WE'LL BE ABLE TO
GET THE RENT IN ON TIME.

- TIME... WHAT TIME IS IT?
- IT'S A LITTLE AFTER 10:00.

OH MY GOD, I'M LATE FOR MY TEST.

I GOTTA GO. I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

- GOOD LUCK, - YEAH, GOOD LUCK.

AND SO, CLASS, AFTER
THREE LONG YEARS,

IT'S COME DOWN TO
THIS, YOUR FINAL EXAM.

AND NOW, AS I LOOK AT
YOUR SMILING FACES, I SAY...

WHAT ARE YOU SO HAPPY ABOUT?

COOKING IS A SERIOUS BUSINESS.

SO WIPE OFF THOSE STUPID GRINS.

THAT'S BETTER.

DEAN, DEAN, I'M...
DEAN TRAVERS...

MY ALARM DIDN'T GO OFF, THE
BUS WAS LATE, I MISSED MY STOP,

- I HAD TO RUN FIVE BLOCKS...
- TRIPPER.

- JUST SAY YOU'RE SORRY.
- I'M SORRY.

THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

- NOW GET TO YOUR PLACE.
- YES, SIR.

- OH, EXCUSE ME.
- NOW SOON YOU'LL BE MAKING
THE TRANSITION

FROM LOWLY STUDENT
TO ILLUSTRIOUS ALUMNI.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, TRIPPER?

TWO AT HOME AREN'T
ENOUGH FOR YOU?

YES... NO, NO, SIR, NO,
NO... LOOK, WHAT I MEAN IS...

I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS
LOADED. I'M... I'M SORRY, SIR.

EXCUSE ME. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

TRIPPER, YOU'RE AN ACCIDENT.

NOW, YOU'LL ALL BE PREPARING
THE SAME DISH FOR YOUR FINAL.

ANY IMPLEMENTS OR
INGREDIENTS YOU'LL NEED

YOU'LL FIND AT YOUR
USUAL STATIONS.

I WILL NOW ANNOUNCE

THE DISH YOU'LL BE MAKING.

THIS IS THE MOMENT YOU'VE
ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

THE ENVELOPE, PLEASE.

AND THE DISH IS...
COULIBIAC DE SAUMON

OR SALMON IN A PASTRY SHELL.

NOW, THERE WILL BE NO
ASSISTANCE GIVEN TO ANYONE

AND OF COURSE, NO TALKING.

UH, MR. TRAVERS...

IF YOU WERE TRYING TO
ATTRACT MY ATTENTION, TRIPPER,

YOU'VE SUCCEEDED.

I JUST WANTED TO KNOW
IF THERE WAS A TIME LIMIT.

YES. NOW, YOU'LL HAVE
AN HOUR AND A HALF

TO PREPARE YOUR
DISH FOR THE OVEN.

OKAY?

GET ON YOUR MARK. GET SET. COOK!

- HEY, JACK, HOW MANY?
- HOW MANY WHAT?

- ONIONS.
- I CAN'T TELL YOU. YOU HEARD THE DEAN.

BUT DO WE GRILL THE
MUSHROOMS OR SAUTE THEM?

BEN, WILL YOU LEAVE
ME ALONE, PLEASE?

- ALL I WANT TO KNOW...
- I CAN'T TELL YOU!

CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT, TRIPPER?

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE
APPRECIATED YOU BEING MY TEACHER.

I'LL ACCEPT THAT.
NOW NO MORE TALKING.

FINI.

JACK, CAN I BORROW
YOUR FINGER FOR A MINUTE?

IF YOU PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT,
YOU CAN HAVE THE WHOLE BODY.

IT'S FOR MY APRON,
IT'S COME UNDONE.

- WOULD YOU PUT YOUR
FINGER ON THE KNOT - OH, SURE.

- AND I'LL TIE THE BOW.
- YEAH.

- THANKS.
- MY PLEASURE. UH, SHEILA, SHEILA!

TRIPPER...

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE
TEAPOT SAID TO THE TEACUP?

- NO, WHAT?
- I'M GETTING STEAMED.

YEAH... EXCUSE ME, SIR.
CAN I GET MY FINGER BACK?

WE'RE... IT JUST GOT CAUGHT.

YOU'LL HAVE TO FIX
THAT. SORRY, NEVER...

NOT ANOTHER WORD...

- FINISHED AT LAST.
- JANET, WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF MY SIGN?

CONGRADUATIONS?

CHRISSY, YOU MADE A MISTAKE.

NO, NO, I WAS GONNA SAY
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR GRADUATION.

BUT THEN I RAN OUT OF ROOM, SO
I JUST WROTE CONGRADUATIONS.

THINK JACK WILL GET IT?

YEAH, IF YOU SIGN IT.

I CAN'T WAIT TO GIVE
JACK HIS PRESENT.

ME EITHER. I GOT TO
SHOW YOU WHAT I GOT HIM.

I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I GOT, TOO.

I KNOW THIS IS THE PERFECT GIFT.

OKAY, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WELL, ONE OF US IS GONNA HAVE TO TAKE
THEIR HAT BACK AND GET SOMETHING ELSE.

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. WILL YOU HAVE
TIME TO DO IT BEFORE JACK GETS HERE?

- (doorbell ringing)
- I'LL GET IT.

HEY, WHY SHOULD I...

WAS THERE A SALE OR SOMETHING?

I DON'T BELIEVE IT. YOU
GOT JACK A CHEF'S HAT TOO?

NO, THIS IS CHEF'S HAT THREE.

(laughs)

I'VE GOT A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE
BACK AT THE APARTMENT.

I'LL GIVE HIM THAT INSTEAD.

- OKAY.
- JACK, HE'S COMING UP
THE STAIRS.

- OH NO, HE'S EARLY. GET IN.
- WE'LL SURPRISE HIM.

- OKAY, LET'S HIDE.
- KEEP THE HATS ON.

All: SURPRISE!

I GUESS HE DIDN'T LIKE THE HATS.

HEY, JACK. WHAT'S THE MATTER?

NOTHING. I JUST
FAILED MY FINAL EXAM.

- (Chrissy gasps) - WHA...
YOU FAILED? HOW?

BY FLUNKING.

THAT MEANS I'M NOT
GOING TO GRADUATE.

OH NO.

OH, JACK.

I'M SORRY.

HEY, BUT THIS IS NOT
THE END OF THE WORLD.

YOU CAN TAKE THAT
TEST AGAIN NEXT YEAR.

JANET, I CANNOT AFFORD TO GO
ON BEING A STUDENT FOREVER.

I'M NOT GOING BACK TO SCHOOL.

WAIT A MINUTE. YOU'RE VERY
UPSET, AND RIGHTFULLY SO,

BUT DON'T GO MAKING
DECISIONS TILL YOU THINK IT OVER.

I HAVE THOUGHT IT OVER. I'M GONNA
FORGET ABOUT BECOMING A GREAT CHEF.

YEAH, BUT YOU ARE A GREAT CHEF.

THAT SOUP YOU MADE YESTERDAY
WAS THE BEST I EVER TASTED.

CHRISSY, THAT SOUP
CAME OUT OF A CAN.

- OH.
- Larry: LOOK...

JACK, YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU OUGHT TO DO?

I KNOW WHAT I OUGHT TO
DO. I OUGHT TO TAKE OFF.

HEY, GREAT IDEA. THAT'S
IT, TAKE A VACATION.

WHEN YOU GET BACK, EVERYTHING
WILL LOOK BETTER TO YOU.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I'M
NOT COMING BACK. I'M MOVING OUT.

OH, GOSH.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
JACK MOVING OUT.

WHAT DO WE DO?

MAYBE I CAN HELP.

- OH LARRY, WOULD YOU?
- YEAH, SURE.

IT'LL BE A BIG SACRIFICE, BUT...

OH, WHAT THE HECK.

I'M WILLING TO MOVE IN
AND TAKE JACK'S PLACE.

- JACK.
- LISTEN, JACK, WE WANT
TO TALK ABOUT THIS.

I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU MY
SHARE OF THE RENT BEFORE I LEAVE.

WELL, OKAY, UH...

- WHERE YOU GONNA GO?
- I DON'T KNOW.

I MAY GO HOME AND HELP
MY FATHER WITH HIS BUSINESS.

I DON'T KNOW. THERE'S
JUST NOTHING FOR ME HERE.

- (doorbell ringing)
- JACK, WE'RE HERE.

- WHAT ABOUT US?
- YEAH?

SURPRISE!

(toots)

HI, JACK, WHAT'S COOKING?

I GUESS I REALLY
BOWLED HIM OVER, HUH?

HEY, WHY THE LONG FACES?

JACK FAILED HIS COOKING
EXAM AND HE'S GONNA MOVE OUT.

MOVE OUT?

IT'S A GOOD THING I
SHOWED UP WHEN I DID.

JACK?

IT'S TIME YOU AND I HAD A TALK,

JUST THE TWO OF
US. NOW HEAR THIS.

WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT
YOU RUNNING AWAY?

DON'T YOU KNOW THAT WHEN THE
GOING GETS TOUGH THE TOUGH GET GOING?

SO YOU FAILED, BIG
DEAL. LOOK AT ME.

I'VE FAILED ALMOST
EVERYTHING I'VE EVER TRIED.

I'VE NEVER REALLY
AMOUNTED TO ANYTHING.

MY WHOLE LIFE HAS JUST BEEN

ONE BIG FAILURE AFTER ANOTHER.

I'M THE LAUGHINGSTOCK
OF MY FAMILY.

THE ONLY REASON I HAVE
THIS JOB IS BECAUSE MY...

MY BROTHER OWNS THE BUILDING.

IF YOU CAN WAIT UNTIL
TOMORROW, I'LL GO WITH YOU.

I'M SO DEPRESSED.

THAT'S IT. I'M GONNA GO PACK.

HEY, HEY, WAIT A
SECOND. NOW LOOK.

MAYBE YOU DIDN'T FAIL.
MAYBE THEY MADE A MISTAKE.

NO, LARRY, I MADE THE MISTAKE.

I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW.
I MIXED ALL THE INGREDIENTS.

I WRAPPED THE SALMON IN
THE DOUGH AND I PUT IT IN THE...

SHEILA'S APRON!

YOU SHOULD HAVE
PUT IT IN THE OVEN.

THAT MUST HAVE
BEEN WHEN HE DID IT.

I SHOULD NEVER HAVE
TURNED MY BACK ON HIM.

I WOULDN'T TURN MY BACK
ON A GUY NAMED SHEILA EITHER.

NOT SHEILA, BEN.

I TURNED MY BACK ON BEN WHEN
I HELPED SHEILA TIE HER APRON.

BEN MUST HAVE SWITCHED
HIS DISH WITH MINE.

OH, I KNEW IT. JACK, I KNEW
THAT YOU COULDN'T FAIL.

LOOK, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO NOW

IS JUST TELL DEAN TRAVERS
AND THEN YOU CAN GRADUATE.

FORGET IT, JANET,
I CAN'T PROVE IT.

I DIDN'T ACTUALLY SEE HIM DO IT
AND HE'D NEVER BELIEVE ME ANYWAY.

COME ON, THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING THAT WE CAN DO.

- WAIT, WAIT, I GOT IT.
- WHAT?

LOOK, ALL YOU'VE GOT TO DO

IS GET THIS GUY BEN TO ADMIT
IN FRONT OF DEAN TRAVERS

THAT HE PULLED THE OLD SWITCHEROO
ON JACK. YOU'RE HOME FREE.

- THAT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA.
- GREAT IDEA.

- GLAD I COULD HELP.
- HOLD IT, HOLD IT.

WAIT. HOW... HOW DO WE
GET BEN AND THE DEAN

TOGETHER AT THE SAME
PLACE AT THE SAME TIME?

HOW DO WE GET BEN TO CONFESS?

CAN'T YOU FIGURE THESE
TINY DETAILS OUT YOURSELF?

- OH, THANKS, LARRY. HE WAS A BIG HELP.
- OH YEAH.

- NO, HE WAS, HE WAS. I KNOW HOW TO DO IT.
- HOW?

- BY USING MY SECRET WEAPON.
- WHAT SECRET WEAPON?

- YOU TWO.
- WHAT?

JACK, HOW DO I LOOK?

- WHOA, YOU
LOOK SENSATIONAL.
- THANKS.

DEAN TRAVERS WILL BE
DROOLING ALL OVER THE CARPET.

YOU'RE REALLY RIGHT
ABOUT HIM, HE IS A LEACH.

LISTEN, WHEN I INVITED
HIM TO COME OVER,

HE PRACTICALLY JUMPED AT
ME RIGHT THROUGH THE PHONE.

I KNOW, YOU'VE GOT TO REMEMBER
TO KEEP DEAN TRAVERS IN THE KITCHEN.

I DON'T WANT BEN TO SEE HIM
BEFORE CHRISSY GETS HIM TO CONFESS.

- NO, NO.
- I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL
BE ABLE TO DO IT.

CHRISSY, OF COURSE YOU WILL.

JUST PLAY THAT WORD
ASSOCIATION GAME I TAUGHT YOU.

- IT'S BOUND TO TRIP HIM UP.
- YOU DON'T THINK HE'LL
SUSPECT ANYTHING?

NO, THAT'S WHY I HAD SHEILA CALL HIM
TO ARRANGE THE DATE WITH YOU, SEE?

- I HOPE NOTHING GOES WRONG.
- NOTHING'LL GO WRONG.

- AND I'LL BE CLOSE
BY IF YOU NEED ME.
- WHERE?

- (doorbell rings)
- I'LL BE IN THE BATHROOM.

- THE BATHROOM?
- GOOD LUCK, YOU'LL
BE GREAT.

WELL, DEAN TRAVERS. I'M
SO GLAD YOU COULD COME.

(laughing)

COME IN.

WELL, UH... GOSH, I
HOPE YOU DON'T THINK

IT WAS TOO FORWARD OF ME TO PHONE
UP AND INVITE YOU OVER THAT WAY.

(laughing)

IT'S JUST THAT I FELT THAT WITH
JACK HAVING MOVED OUT AND ALL

IT WAS TIME THAT YOU AND I GOT
TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER.

REALLY? DID YOU
SAY JACK MOVED OUT?

YEAH, JUST TODAY.

OH, I'M SORRY. YOU
REMEMBER CHRISSY?

(laughing)

- (doorbell rings)
- I'LL GET IT.

GOSH, THAT'LL BE CHRISSY'S DATE.

WHY DON'T YOU AND I GO INTO
ANOTHER ROOM SO WE CAN BE ALONE?

- YOU MEAN...
- YES, THE KITCHEN.

OH.

- HI.
- UH, CHRISSY SNOW?

- YEAH, COME ON IN.
- WOW.

WHY DOES A DOLL LIKE
YOU NEED A BLIND DATE?

- I'M VERY SHY.
- OH.

COME SIT ON THE COUCH WITH ME.

OH, WELL, I'M REAL SHY TOO.

UH, DO YOU LIKE TO PLAY GAMES?

THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.

WELL, UH, LET'S PLAY
WORD ASSOCIATION.

OH, WELL, THAT'S NOT
QUITE WHAT I HAD IN MIND.

SEE, I'LL SAY A WORD
AND THEN YOU SAY

THE FIRST THING THAT
COMES INTO YOUR MIND, OKAY?

- LIGHT.
- UM, DARK.

- HOT.
- COLD.

- SWITCH.
- HITTER.

THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

OH, WHAT SHOULD I HAVE SAID?

- SALMON.
- AH.

EXCUSE ME, I'VE GOTTA
GO TO THE BATHROOM.

JACK, IT'S NOT WORKING.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

(stammers) FLIRT WITH HIM.

- FLIRT WITH HIM?
- YEAH, CHRISSY, YOU KNOW.

I CAN'T... I DON'T
KNOW HOW TO DO...

JUST FLIRT WITH HIM
AND GET HIM TO CONFESS.

HI. DID YOU MISS ME?

YEAH. WHAT'LL WE PLAY NEXT?

CONFESSION.

SEE, I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING
AND THEN YOU TELL ME SOMETHING.

DO YOU WANNA KNOW

WHAT A BAD GIRL I'VE BEEN?

YEAH. GO, GO, GO!

WELL, MY MOTHER
BAKED A CAKE ONCE

AND I SWITCHED THE
SUGAR AND THE SALT.

ISN'T THAT AWFUL?

SHOCKING, YES.

OKAY, NOW YOU CONFESS SOMETHING.

WELL, I'LL CONFESS THAT I, UH...

CAN'T KEEP MY HANDS OFF YOU.

HAVE SOME WINE. YOU
JUST SAY WHEN, OKAY?

AS SOON AS I FINISH THAT DRINK.

- OKAY.
- ARGH!

- OH.
- NO, I'LL JUST, UH...

- CLEAN UP IN THE BATHROOM.
- NO, YOU CAN'T USE
THE BATHROOM.

- WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE...

MY PANTYHOSE ARE
HANGING ALL OVER THE PLACE.

SO?

WELL, YOU CAN SEE
RIGHT THROUGH THEM.

DEAN TRAVERS...
LOOK, DEAN TRAVERS,

I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT YOU
AND I SHOULD RUSH INTO ANYTHING.

THAT'S WHAT I SAY. SLOW
DOWN SO I CAN CATCH YOU.

NO, WAIT. I'LL...
GIVE ME YOUR HAND.

OH, THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.

UH, SIT DOWN.

(shrieks) YOU DON'T
HAVE A LIFE LINE.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

IT MEANS GIVE ME
YOUR OTHER HAND.

OH, THERE IT IS.

GOOD. I THOUGHT I WAS DEAD.

YOU WANT TO LET GO OF MY HANDS?

NO, I WANT TO READ YOUR FUTURE.

- OH, ARE YOU IN IT?
- OH YES.

LET'S SEE...

- YOU WILL BEHAVE YOURSELF.
- OH?

OR YOU WILL
EXPERIENCE A LOT OF PAIN.

(groans)

I'VE GOT TO USE YOUR BATHROOM.

NO, YOU DON'T. LET'S
SIT ON THE COUCH.

LOOK, I PROMISE NOT TO
LOOK AT YOUR PANTYHOSE.

NO, DON'T GO IN
THERE... OH NO, OH GOD.

(both scream)

- JACK.
- SHHH.

JACK, IT'S NOT WORKING.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

JUST HANG ON, LET ME
THINK OF SOMETHING.

- UM...
- OH, FORGET IT.

- I'LL USE MY OWN BRAINS.
- I'M DEAD.

LOOK, I'M HUNGRY.

WHAT DO YOU SAY THAT
WE GO OUT FOR A BITE?

- NO!
- OKAY, WE CAN STAY HERE.

OH, BEN, I ALMOST FORGOT.

CONGRATULATIONS.

FOR WHAT?

FOR GRADUATING WITH
THE SECOND HIGHEST MARKS.

HEY, THAT'S GREAT.
HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?

SHEILA TOLD ME.

TRIPPER WAS FIRST, SHEILA
WAS FIFTH, YOU WERE SECOND...

- TRIPPER WAS FIRST?
- YEAH.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT? HE
BEAT ME WITH MY OWN DISH.

WHAT?

WELL I, YOU KNOW, FOR A GAG

I SWITCHED DISHES WITH TRIPPER.

(laughs)

COULD YOU SAY THAT AGAIN?

Jack: AND LOUDER?

THAT WAS ME.

SOMTIMES MY VOICE
GOES DOWN IN MY CHEST.

I DON'T BLAME IT A BIT.

Chrissy: JUST TELL ME
AGAIN WHAT YOU DID TO JACK.

- WHY?
- IT TURNS ME ON.

- DEAN!
- (screams)

- SHH.
- TRIPPER, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?

I WANT YOU TO HEAR
SOMETHING. LISTEN TO THIS.

AND SO I SWITCHED
DISHES WITH JACK.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
ALL THAT TROUBLE

AND THEN TRAVERS,
THAT IDIOT WINDBAG,

GIVES MY DISH THE HIGHEST MARKS.

- IDIOT WINDBAG, HUH?
- DEAN TRAVERS!

HEY, I CAN EXPLAIN.

YOU CAN EXPLAIN TOMORROW
MORNING IN MY OFFICE AT 8:00 SHARP.

- YES, SIR.
- OH, BEN?

LOOKS LIKE YOU CAN'T COOK
IN THE LIVING ROOM EITHER.

TRIPPER, YOU'LL
GRADUATE, OF COURSE.

- WITH HONORS.
- THANK YOU, SIR.

OH, JACK!

OH, LOOK AT THAT.
YOUR PLAN WORKED.

HOW DID YOU DO IT, TRIPPER?

- EASY, I JUST USED...
- MY BRAINS.

(humming "Pomp
and Circumstance")

YOU LOOKED SO CUTE UP THERE.

I GOT TO TELL YOU, I REALLY
APPRECIATE YOU ALL COMING

TO MY GRADUATION. IT
REALLY MEANT A LOT TO ME.

ARE YOU KIDDING? BESIDES
THE FACT THAT WE LOVE YOU

WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR
THIS FOR THREE YEARS.

YEAH, WE WOULDN'T HAVE
MISSED IT FOR THE WORLD.

JACK, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU.

MR. FURLEY, I DIDN'T REALIZE
YOU WERE SO SENTIMENTAL.

OH YEAH, THAT'S THE WAY I AM.

I EVEN CRIED WHEN MY HIGH
SCHOOL CLASS GRADUATED.

- REALLY?
- BECAUSE I DIDN'T.

- OKAY, GIVE
A SPEECH, JACK.
- YEAH, A SPEECH,

SOME WORDS FROM
THE NEW GRADUATE.

WELL, OKAY. I JUST WANT
TO THANK ALL OF YOU

FOR STANDING BY ME THROUGHOUT
MY EDUCATION. AND I'D LIKE TO SAY,

ALTHOUGH I'LL PROBABLY
BE A RICH AND FAMOUS CHEF

AND I'LL OWN MY OWN
RESTAURANT SOME DAY,

I WON'T FORGET YOU,
MY DEAREST FRIENDS.

DOES THAT MEAN THAT WE GET TO
EAT AT YOUR RESTAURANT FOR FREE?

NO, BUT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE ABLE
TO GET A RESERVATION, I PROMISE.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CALL
ME THREE WEEKS IN ADVANCE.

NO, NO, NO. I'M
KIDDING, I'M KIDDING.

I LOVE THIS DIPLOMA. LOOK AT IT.

- IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- IT'S THE THING I'VE WANTED
MOST OF ALL.

WELL, SECOND MOST.

- OH, JACK.
- OH, JACK.

(theme music playing)

Ritter's voice: "THREE'S
COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED

IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.