Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 4, Episode 18 - Handcuffed - full transcript

(theme music playing)

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE
HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪



♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪

(disco music playing)

I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO
BE STUDYING FOR YOUR COOKING EXAM.

- I AM.
- HOW CAN YOU DO
TWO THINGS AT ONCE?

HAVEN'T YOU EVER
HEARD OF SHAKE 'N BAKE?

(doorbell rings)

- OH, HI, OFFICER.
- HUH?

JANET, YOU WANT TO TURN
THE MUSIC DOWN A LITTLE?

(music stops)

CHRISSY! WE GOT COMPANY!



I WASN'T SPEEDING!

- HI!
- HI.

OFFICER, IS THERE SOMETHING
WE CAN DO FOR YOU?

DON'T I KNOW YOU FROM SOMEWHERE?

- NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
- Jack: IS SOMETHING WRONG?

OH, YEAH.

A WOMAN CALLED FROM
ACROSS THE STREET TO COMPLAIN.

SHE SAID YOU'RE
CAUSING A DISTURBANCE.

OUR MUSIC WAS TOO LOUD, HUH?

WELL, YEAH, AND SHE'S ALSO UPSET

BECAUSE SHE CAN'T GET HER
HUSBAND DOWN OFF THE ROOF.

- SHE CAN'T
BLAME US FOR THAT.
- OH YES, SHE CAN!

HE'S UP THERE WITH BINOCULARS
WATCHING THESE GIRLS DANCE.

HEY, YOU KNOW, I KNOW I HAVE
SEEN YOU SOMEWHERE BEFORE.

CHRISSY, DON'T BOTHER
THE NICE POLICEMAN.

- YOU KNOW, YOU DO
LOOK FAMILIAR.
- I KNOW.

- WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
- CHRISSY! CHRISSY SNOW!

NO. MY NAME IS CHRISSY SNOW!

WELL, I KNOW. I'M JAY GARFIELD.

JAY GARFIELD! (shrieks)

HOW NICE TO SEE YOU!

SO NICE TO SEE YOU TOO!

I GET THE FEELING
THEY KNOW EACH OTHER.

I HOPE SO. I'VE NEVER SEEN
ANYBODY FRISK LIKE THAT BEFORE.

LISTEN, JACK, JANET,
THIS IS JAY GARFIELD,

- MY COUSIN
FROM SAN DIEGO.
- All: HI.

WELL, ACTUALLY,
WE'RE DISTANT COUSINS.

SAN DIEGO'S NOT SO FAR.

NO, NO, I MEANT WE WERE FOURTH
OR FIFTH COUSINS, NOT FIRST.

MY MOTHER'S BROTHER'S
WIFE'S UNCLE BUD,

IS MARRIED TO YOUR FATHER'S
STEPSISTER'S NEPHEW'S AUNT VI.

NO, THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

UNCLE BUD IS YOUR FATHER'S
SISTER'S HUSBAND'S COUSIN.

CAN YOU FOLLOW THAT?

YEAH, SURE, IT'S THE
THEORY OF RELATIVITY.

- BUT I THOUGHT YOUR MOTHER AND MY UNCLE...
- NO, YOU SEE,

MY MOTHER'S AUNT FRAN IS MARRIED
TO YOUR FATHER'S AUNT'S STEPSON BILL.

DIDN'T YOU HEAR? BILL
AND FRAN GOT DIVORCED.

NO!

OH NO.

WELL, THAT MEANS WE'RE
NOT RELATED ANYMORE.

- OH SURE WE ARE.
- YOU TWO DON'T LOOK
VERY MUCH ALIKE.

JACK, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
LOOK ALIKE TO BE RELATED.

YEAH, MY MOTHER AND FATHER
DON'T RESEMBLE EACH OTHER AT ALL!

(snorts)

JAY, CAN YOU STAY AND
HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE?

NO, I CAN'T. IF THE SARGE FOUND
OUT I WAS ON A SOCIAL CALL,

- HE'D GO THROUGH THE ROOF.
- BUT WE HAVEN'T SEEN EACH
OTHER IN SO LONG!

- HE'LL UNDERSTAND.
- NOT SERGEANT HALVERSON.

HE'S GOT IT IN FOR ME JUST
BECAUSE I LOST SOMETHING ONCE.

- WHAT DID YOU LOSE?
- MY PATROL CAR.

- OH YEAH,
THEY ARE RELATED.
- MM-HMM.

I HAD TO GET OUT
AND CHASE A SUSPECT,

AND UM... I FORGOT
WHERE I LEFT THE CAR.

AW...

WELL, CHRISSY, IT'S BEEN
NICE SEEING YOU AGAIN.

OH, IT'S BEEN SO
NICE TO SEE YOU TOO!

- LET'S KEEP
IN TOUCH, ALL RIGHT?
- I'D LIKE THAT.

- BYE, EVERYBODY.
- BYE!

YOU KNOW, KNOWING THAT
HE'S OUT THERE PROTECTING ME,

I DON'T FEEL AS
SAFE AS I USED TO.

- GOSH, I'D BETTER GET GOING.
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

OH, CHRISSY...

I'M GOING TO THIS
NICE LITTLE HIDEAWAY

WHERE YOU CAN FIND MYSTERY
AND ROMANCE AND ADVENTURE.

- YOU EVEN HAVE TO HAVE
YOUR OWN CARD TO GET IN.
- WHAT IS IT, A PRIVATE CLUB?

HUH-UH. PUBLIC LIBRARY.

- SEE YOU LATER!
- Jack: BYE, JANET.

BOY. (gasps)

OH NO!

JAY MUST HAVE DROPPED HIS
HANDCUFFS WHEN WE WERE HUGGING.

- MAYBE I CAN CATCH HIM.
- NO, FORGET IT.

HE'S LONG GONE BY NOW. HE'LL
COME BACK FOR THEM. DON'T WORRY.

GOSH, I HOPE HE DOESN'T
GET IN MORE TROUBLE.

I THINK EVERY LITTLE BOY WANTED
TO BE A COP WHEN HE GREW UP.

NOT THE LITTLE
BOYS I PLAYED WITH.

THEY ALL WANTED TO BE DOCTORS.

GOSH, I CAN'T GET OVER
JAY BEING A POLICEMAN.

MAYBE IT GIVES HIM
A SENSE OF POWER.

CHRISSY SNOW,
YOU'RE COMING WITH ME!

OKAY, WELL, JACK TRIPPER...

- YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.
- NO, YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.

COME THIS WAY. WALK THIS WAY.

- BOY, WOULDN'T YOU HATE THAT?
- IT'S EASY BEING A COP...

(mimics gun shooting)

WHERE IS THE KEY?

WHAT KEY?

RIGHT, YEAH, YEAH. COME
ON, DON'T KID AROUND.

WHERE'S THE KEY
TO THE HANDCUFFS?

WHY WOULD I HAVE A KEY?
THEY'RE NOT MY HANDCUFFS.

- YOU DON'T HAVE A KEY?!
- NO.

- THEN WHY DID YOU
PUT THESE HANDCUFFS ON ME?!
- I DIDN'T PUT THEM ON ME,

YOU PUT THEM...

I DIDN'T PUT THEM ON...
ALL RIGHT, DON'T PANIC!

THERE MUST BE A KEY AROUND
HERE. MAYBE HE DROPPED IT.

Both: OW!

(phone rings)

- I'LL GET IT.
- CHRISSY...

DO YOU HAVE TO USE THAT
HAND TO HOLD THE PHONE?

IF I USE MY OTHER HAND, I'LL BE
LISTENING WITH MY WRONG EAR!

HELLO?

OH, HI, JAY!

- YOU LEFT YOUR HANDCUFFS? WE KNOW!
- YEAH...

UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

THEN WE'LL GO DOWN TO
THE STATION WITH THEM.

OH, YEAH, SEE, BUT
WE... YEAH, BUT JACK...

OKAY, ALL RIGHT. WE'LL
WAIT FOR YOU HERE.

OKAY. BYE-BYE.

- WHEN IS HE COMING?
- ABOUT THREE HOURS?

I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG. I GOT A DATE
WITH BRENDA AT THE REGAL BEAGLE!

- WELL, TELL HER
YOU CAN'T MAKE IT.
- OH...

ARE YOU KIDDING? THIS IS
BRENDA, THE HUMAN BLENDER!

- THE HUMAN BLENDER?
- YEAH.

AFTER A DATE WITH HER, YOU FEEL LIKE
YOU'VE BEEN WHIPPED, CHOPPED AND PUREED.

JUST CALL JAY RIGHT BACK AND TELL
HIM TO COME OVER HERE NOW! COME ON!

- I CAN'T!
- CHRISSY!

OW!

- WHY CAN'T YOU CALL JAY?
- BECAUSE HE WASN'T AT
THE STATION WHEN HE CALLED.

HE WAS ON SPECIAL ASSIGNMENT
AND WON'T BE BACK FOR THREE HOURS.

LET'S GO DOWN TO THE STATION.
THEY MUST HAVE A MASTER KEY.

NO, JACK!

- I CAN'T.
- WHY?!

BECAUSE JAY WILL GET IN SO
MUCH TROUBLE FROM HIS SERGEANT

IF THEY FIND OUT HE
LEFT HIS HANDCUFFS HERE.

- WHAT AM I GOING
TO DO ABOUT BRENDA?
- YOU CAN STILL GO ON YOUR DATE.

OH, RIGHT, CHRISSY. WITH
YOU CHAINED TO MY WRIST?

YOU'RE TOO BIG TO BE PASSED
OFF AS A CHARM BRACELET.

- I'M ONLY TRYING TO HELP.
- (groans)

I DON'T SEE I HAVE MUCH CHOICE.

(sighs)

DON'T SWING.

JUST LET ME THINK ABOUT THIS.

I'M TRYING TO FIGURE...

- I'M GOING TO GO.
- WHERE?

- I'M GOING DOWN
TO MEET BRENDA.
- WHY?

IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
YOU'RE GETTING ON MY NERVES!

DON'T WHINE!

- HI, JIM.
- HI, KIDS.

TWO TABLES TOGETHER. THAT'S
PERFECT. SIT DOWN RIGHT THERE, CHRISSY.

ALL RIGHT. AND I'LL SIT HERE.

JUST REMEMBER, WHEN BRENDA
GETS HERE, YOU JUST SIT THERE.

YOU DON'T KNOW
ME, I DON'T KNOW YOU.

OKAY?

OKAY?

- CHRISSY,
DID YOU HEAR ME?
- I DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS.

HI, JACK.

OH BRENDA, YOU
LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL!

THANK YOU.

WELL?

I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU, I DON'T
EVEN KNOW HOW TO SIT DOWN ANYMORE.

THANK YOU.

I'M SORRY I'M LATE,
BUT MY WATCH STOPPED.

- WHAT TIME DO YOU HAVE?
- OH IT'S...

IT DOESN'T MATTER, YOU KNOW?

TIME STANDS STILL
WHEN I'M WITH YOU.

OH BROTHER.

- ARE YOU READY TO ORDER?
- I'D LIKE A GLASS
OF WHITE WINE.

TWO WHITE WINES... MAKE
THAT THREE WHITE WINES.

AND A TUNA FISH SANDWICH.

THREE WHITE WINES AND
A TUNA FISH SANDWICH.

JACK...

WHY ARE YOU ORDERING FOR
THAT GIRL AT THE NEXT TABLE?

UH... (clears throat)

WELL, SHE'S ALL ALONE, YOU KNOW?

AND SHE SEEMS LIKE A NICE
PERSON, AND I THINK SHE'S HUNGRY.

WELL, LET HER ORDER FOR HERSELF.

ABSOLUTELY. YOU'RE CORRECT.

IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. SORRY.

EXCUSE ME. YOU ALONE?

NO.

MIND IF I JOIN YOU?

I'M ALREADY ATTACHED.

COME ON, BLONDIE,
GIVE ME A BREAK, HUH?

YOU HEARD THE
LADY, PAL. SHOVE OFF!

OKAY, OKAY.

JACK, DO YOU KNOW THAT GIRL?

I'M JUST TRYING TO
BE A GOOD NEIGHBOR.

THEN STAY OUT OF HER YARD.

- THAT'LL BE $5.25.
- Jack:
THANK YOU.

(screams)

- MY GOD.
- OH, UH...

OH, BRENDA, LET ME GET THIS.

WHAT ARE THOSE?

- BRENDA, I CAN EXPLAIN.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU HAD
IN MIND FOR TONIGHT,

BUT I AM NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL!

I CAN GO TO A LOCKSMITH.
I'LL BITE THEM OFF!

DON'T GO, BLENDER...
I MEAN, BRENDA!

- THANKS A LOT!
- WHAT DID I DO?

(screeching) "WHAT DID I DO?"

NEVER MIND, CHRISSY. LET'S
JUST GO BACK TO THE APARTMENT

- AND WAIT FOR JAY,
ALL RIGHT?
- OKAY.

CHRISSY, CAN I GET
MY SWEATER, PLEASE?

COME ON.

EXCUSE ME.

- JIM, LET ME
HAVE A COKE.
- SURE.

YOU KNOW THOSE
TWO WHO JUST LEFT?

- SURE, THEY COME
IN HERE ALL THE TIME.
- WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES?

- WHY?
- I'M GOING
AFTER THEM.

YEAH.

YES, JIM.

OKAY.

YES, I WILL TELL THEM.

BYE.

(laughs)

HI, GUYS. I JUST GOT THE
STRANGEST PHONE CALL

- FROM JIM, THE BARTENDER
AT THE REGAL BEAGLE.
- WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

HE SAID THAT THE TWO OF YOU WERE
DOWN THERE HANDCUFFED TOGETHER!

- WHAT HAPPENED?
- IT'S A LONG STORY.

IT'S NOT IMPORTANT ANYWAY.

THEY'RE JAY'S AND HE'S COMING OVER
IN A WHILE TO GET US OUT OF THEM.

HE'S NOT THE ONLY
ONE WHO'S COMING OVER.

- Jack: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- JIM SAID THERE WAS
THIS COP DOWN THERE

AND HE SAW THE TWO OF
YOU LEAVING AND HE GOT

SUSPICIOUS AND HE'S
ON HIS WAY OVER HERE.

- HE'S COMING HERE?
- YEAH, RIGHT NOW.

OH NO! THAT MEANS JAY
WILL GET IN MORE TROUBLE.

FORGET ABOUT JAY. WHAT ABOUT US?

THAT COP MUST THINK WE'RE ESCAPED
CRIMINALS. WE COULD BE THROWN IN JAIL!

- WE NEED TOOLS.
- WHAT FOR?

TO GET OUT OF THESE HANDCUFFS.

THERE MUST BE SOMEBODY
AROUND HERE WHO HAS TOOLS.

- SOMEBODY WE CAN TRUST.
- YEAH. OR FOOL.

OH, COME ON, JACK,
NOBODY'S THAT DUMB!

OH YES, THERE IS.

I'D BETTER NOT LOOK TOO LONG.

I MAY FALL IN LOVE.

(doorbell rings)

HI, MR. FURLEY. CAN
WE COME IN, PLEASE?

- WHAT'S UP?
- WELL, AS YOU MAY
OR MAY NOT KNOW,

THIS IS NATIONAL LANDLORD
APPRECIATION WEEK.

SO WE DECIDED TO COME
DOWN HERE AND APPRECIATE YOU.

LANDLORD APPRECIATION WEEK?

HOW COME I NEVER HEARD OF THAT?

- AHEM, UMM...
- WELL, BECAUSE... YOU'RE A LANDLORD.

- CAN'T APPRECIATE
YOURSELF!
- THAT'S IT.

YEAH! RIGHT. WELL, THANK YOU.

SIT DOWN, MAKE YOURSELVES
COMFORTABLE. I'LL TAKE YOUR SWEATER.

HANDCUFFS! THOSE ARE HANDCUFFS!

YOU'RE RIGHT. WE
COULDN'T FOOL HIM!

- ARE YOU IN TROUBLE
WITH THE LAW?
- NO, NO, NO.

WE PUT THESE ON OURSELVES.
WE WERE JUST FOOLING AROUND.

NOW, LOOK, I RUN A CLEAN,
FAMILY BUILDING HERE!

- I WON'T PUT UP
WITH ANYTHING KINKY.
- NO, NO.

IT'S NOTHING LIKE THAT.

- IT'S ALL JUST
A BIG DUMB MISTAKE.
- THAT'S RIGHT.

WE CAME DOWN HERE TO ASK
YOU TO HELP TO GET THESE OFF.

WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY
SO IN THE FIRST PLACE?

I CAN GET THOSE CUFFS
OFF IN NO TIME FLAT!

YOU CAN? HOW?

YOU MAY NOT KNOW IT,
BUT WHEN I WAS YOUNGER,

THEY USED TO CALL
ME "FINGERS FURLEY."

THERE'S NOT A LOCK
MADE THAT I CAN'T PICK.

- DARN!
- WHAT'S THE MATTER,
FINGERS?

IT'S LOCKED!

NOW WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

- CHRISSY, JUST
SLOW DOWN. RELAX.
- I GOT IT!

JACK, YOU WON'T MIND
SHAVING YOUR ARMS, WILL YOU?

- SHAVE MY ARMS?
- YOU'LL HAVE TO.

OTHERWISE THE BLOWTORCH WILL
BURN YOUR HAIR RIGHT UP YOUR ELBOW!

Both: BLOWTORCH?!

OH, HI, GUYS. I THOUGHT FURLEY
WAS GOING TO GET THOSE OFF YOU.

THINK, JANET, YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT THE MAN

WHO TRIES TO FIX A LEAKY
FAUCET WITH PRUNING SHEARS.

HE'S GOING TO USE A
BLOWTORCH. THERE'S NO WAY.

I WAS THINKING, THE REGAL BEAGLE
IS ONE BLOCK FROM HERE, RIGHT?

IF THAT POLICEMAN IS NOT HERE
BY NOW, IT MUST BE A FALSE ALARM.

- HE ISN'T COMING.
- HE HASN'T COME
UP THERE YET?

NO, I'M UP THERE BY MYSELF. IT'S SAFE
FOR YOU GUYS TO COME HOME NOW.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

THIS BABY WILL CUT THOSE CUFFS
LIKE A HOT KNIFE THROUGH BUTTER!

JACK?

CHRISSY?

- COME ON, GUYS.
- OH BOY, IT'S
SO GOOD TO BE HOME.

I'D FEEL A LOT BETTER IF WE
COULD GET THESE CUFFS OFF.

LOOK, THE WORST IS OVER. WHY
DON'T YOU SIT DOWN AND RELAX?

Both: YEAH.

- (doorbell rings)
- I'LL GET IT.

- WHO IS IT?
- THE POLICE!

HUH? THAT'S NOT JAY'S VOICE!

JANET, GET RID OF HIM. CHRISSY,
LET'S HIDE IN THE KITCHEN!

HELLO.

EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.

DO... JACK TRIPPER AND
CHRISSY SNOW LIVE HERE?

YES.

- BUT THEY AREN'T HERE
RIGHT NOW.
- HUH?

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I HAVE
NO IDEA WHEN THEY'LL BE BACK.

IT MIGHT BE HOURS...
OR DAYS... OR WEEKS!

- Jack:
GET UNDER THE TABLE!
- MAYBE I'LL JUST LOOK AROUND.

- YOU CAN'T LOOK
IN THERE, OFFICER.
- WHY NOT?

- BECAUSE...
- BECAUSE?

BECAUSE... BECAUSE... BECAUSE...

BECAUSE HE'S EATING CAKE.

THAT'S RIGHT, OFFICER. WOULD
YOU LIKE TO EAT SOME CAKE?

NEVER MIND THE CAKE.

DIDN'T I SEE YOU AT THE REGAL
BEAGLE, HANDCUFFED TO A BLONDE?

OH YES.

YES, THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S
JUST A LITTLE GAME WE PLAY.

THOSE ARE ACTUALLY
TOY HANDCUFFS.

TOY HANDCUFFS?

YES, THAT'S RIGHT. OTHERWISE, WE'D
STILL BE ATTACHED, WOULDN'T WE?

GOOD CAKE.

SEE THAT, OFFICER?

- IT WAS JUST
A SILLY GAME.
- YEAH. WAIT A MINUTE.

- WHY ARE YOU
WEARING THOSE GLOVES?
- THESE GLOVES?

OH, WELL, YOU SEE, I ALWAYS
LIKE TO DO THE DISHES AFTER I EAT.

SO WHAT I DO IS, I PUT THESE
GLOVES ON WHILE I'M EATING.

THAT WAY, I SAVE A LOT OF
TIME. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, JANET?

YES, THAT'S
DEFINITELY RIGHT, JACK.

WELL, I'M SORRY I BOTHERED
YOU FOLKS. I'LL BE ON MY WAY.

- I'LL SHOW YOU OUT. THIS WAY, OFFICER.
- BYE, BYE, BYE, BYE.

- IS HE GONE?
- YEAH, EVERYTHING'S
ALL RIGHT.

- NO, IT ISN'T.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

- YOU ATE ALL MY CAKE!
- OH, CHRISSY!

SO LONG. THANKS FOR COMING BY.

IT'S OKAY. YOU CAN
COME OUT. HE'S GONE.

- GONE? OH GOOD. - YES.

- JACK, WHERE ARE WE GOING?
- TO THE BATHROOM.

NO WE'RE NOT!

CHRISSY, I WANT TO GO IN THERE AND
WASH THE CAKE OFF MY FACE. DO YOU MIND?

- COME ON.
- OKAY.

- (doorbell rings)
- I'LL GET IT.

OH, IT'S YOU?

(screaming) LONG TIME NO SEE!

I THINK MAYBE I'LL LOOK AROUND
THE REST OF THE APARTMENT.

OH WELL... WE HAVE A VERY
SMALL APARTMENT HERE,

JUST TWO TEENY-WEENY
BEDROOMS AND THAT'S ALL!

- IT WON'T TAKE LONG, WILL IT?
- JACK, I'M HERE TO CUT THE...

ROAST BEEF!

ROAST BEEF?

YES. ROAST BEEF.

THIS IS MR. FURLEY,
OUR LANDLORD,

AND HE CUTS ALL THE
ROAST BEEF IN THE BUILDING.

WITH A BLOWTORCH?

YES, WITH A BLOWTORCH.

HE CUTS AND COOKS
AT THE SAME TIME.

- WHAT'S THAT?
- I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING.

I GOT TO RUN!

I GOT TO.. GO... THERE'S A...

RUMP ROAST IN 304.

- WHAT'S IN THERE?
- IN THERE?

- NOTHING. JUST A BATHROOM...
- (water running)

WITH A LEAKY FAUCET.

- LEAKY FAUCET, HUH?
- IT'S A BIG LEAK!

(screams) YOU GET OUT OF HERE!

- YOU GET OUT
OF HERE RIGHT NOW!
- I DIDN'T REALIZE...

GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CALL
THE POLICE. GET OUT RIGHT NOW!

I'M SORRY, MA'AM.
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.

SORRY, OFFICER. EXCUSE ME.

SOMEHOW, I THOUGHT TAKING A SHOWER
WITH YOU WOULD BE MORE EXCITING!

GET OUT OF HERE.

- DON'T!
- JUST DRY OFF,
CHRISSY.

Officer: I MUST HAVE
DROPPED IT IN THE BATHROOM.

- I'LL GO GET IT.
- Janet: NO, I'LL
GET IT, OFFICER.

- EXCUSE ME.
- Officer:
EXCUSE ME, LADY.

I FORGOT MY HAT. IF YOU'LL JUST
HAND IT TO ME, I'LL BE ON MY WAY.

- OKAY, BUT DON'T LOOK.
- OH NO, I WON'T.

- THANKS.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.

(screams)

TOY HANDCUFFS, HUH?

I CAN EXPLAIN...

YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME
TO EXPLAIN WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

- YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.
- WAIT!

(overlapping dialogue)

- JAY, I'M
SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE!
- WHAT'S GOING ON?

- I'M TAKING THEM
DOWN TO THE STATION.
- ON WHAT CHARGE?

SUSPICION OF EVERYTHING.

YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

- JAY, PLEASE, TELL HIM
THEY'RE YOUR HANDCUFFS.
- OH, GOOD.

THOSE ARE YOUR
HANDCUFFS, GARFIELD?

WELL, UM, ACTUALLY, UH...

YOU SEE, WHAT HAPPENED, MIKE,

WAS I ACCIDENTALLY
LEFT THEM HERE.

YEAH, AND WE ACCIDENTALLY
GOT STUCK IN THEM.

SO NOW, EVERYTHING'S
OKAY AND YOU CAN GO, HUH?

WAIT TILL I TELL THE GUYS DOWN
AT THE STATION ABOUT THIS ONE!

- YOU LOST YOUR OWN CUFFS?!
- MIKE, PLEASE, DON'T
SAY ANYTHING!

THE SARGE WILL HAVE MY BADGE
IF HE FINDS OUT ABOUT THIS.

OFFICER, PLEASE, GIVE HIM
A BREAK. HE'S MY COUSIN!

THAT REALLY MAKES SENSE,
BECAUSE ONLY A RELATIVE OF HIS

COULD BE DUMB ENOUGH TO
LOCK THEMSELVES IN HANDCUFFS!

NOW WAIT A...

OFFICER, PLEASE.
OFFICER, PLEASE.

PLEASE DON'T TELL.
PLEASE... PLEASE, DON'T TELL.

I'M SORRY, LADY. THIS IS TOO
GOOD TO KEEP TO MYSELF.

- I'LL SEE YOU
LATER, GARFIELD.
- NO, MIKE. MIKE!

- (laughter continues)
- SHOOT!

- NOW I AM
IN BIG TROUBLE.
- NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YES, I AM. WHEN THE SARGE
FINDS OUT ABOUT THIS,

- WHEN MIKE TELLS HIM WHAT HAPPENED...
- HE WON'T TELL.

YES, HE WILL.

WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN LEAVING
YOUR HANDCUFFS IN SOMEBODY'S APARTMENT?

LEAVING YOUR BADGE IN
SOMEBODY'S APARTMENT.

- I LEFT MY BADGE TOO?!
- NO.

BUT HE DID.

Both: CHRISSY!

(both snorting)

- BYE!
- BYE, JAY!

Janet: COME BACK.

OH GOSH! I MUST SAY
I'M GLAD IT'S OVER.

- YEAH.
- YEAH.

- I GOTTA GET OUT
OF THESE WET CLOTHES.
- ME TOO.

JACK, YOUR BEDROOM IS IN THERE!

I KNOW, BUT I FIGURED SINCE WE TOOK A
SHOWER TOGETHER, IT'D BE NO BIG DEAL.

IT'S A BIG DEAL.

OH, COME ON, CHRISSY!

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

I'M SORRY.

I WAS JUST THINKING
ABOUT YOU AND CHRISSY

GETTING YOURSELVES LOCKED
TOGETHER IN A PAIR OF HANDCUFFS.

WHAT A DUMB THING TO DO.

IT IS NOT DUMB. IT COULD
HAPPEN TO ANYBODY.

NO, IT COULDN'T. NOT TO
SOMEBODY WHO USES THEIR HEAD.

JANET, THERE'S SOMETHING
CRAWLING ON THE BACK OF YOUR HAND.

YOU LOOKED DUMB
THERE, REAL DUMB.

IT WASN'T DUMB, JACK. YOU TRICKED
ME INTO IT! THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.

I DIDN'T TRICK YOU. I WAS
TALKING ABOUT YOUR OTHER HAND.

(theme music playing)

Ritter's voice: "THREE'S
COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED

IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.