Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 3, Episode 20 - An Anniversary Surprise - full transcript

(theme music playing)

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE
HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪



♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ YOU'LL SEE THAT
LIFE IS A BALL AGAIN ♪

♪ LAUGHTER IS CALLING FOR YOU ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪

CHRISSY, WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT, I WANT YOU TO HEAR THIS.

- WHAT?
- IT'S FOR THE ROPER'S
PARTY TONIGHT, OKAY?

♪ STANLEY AND HELEN ♪

♪ YOUR ANNIVERSARY'S
TODAY TWO, THREE, FOUR ♪

♪ STANLEY AND HELEN ♪

♪ WE'VE COME TO
LAUGH AND TO PLAY. ♪

JANET, I DON'T THINK SO.



WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?

WHAT, SOUNDS TOO MUCH
LIKE "ROLL OUT THE BARREL."

- IT IS "ROLL OUT THE BARREL."
- IT IS NOT.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN
SAY "BARREL" ONCE.

CHRISSY, COME ON, I KNOW THAT.

I CHANGED THE WORDS ON PURPOSE.

I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
NICE TO WRITE... YOU KNOW,

A SONG OR SOMETHING FOR
THE ROPERS FOR TONIGHT.

- OH.
- AN ANNIVERSARY'S A VERY
SPECIAL EVENT, YOU KNOW?

CAN'T BE THAT SPECIAL.
THEY HAVE ONE EVERY YEAR.

(snorts, laughs)

- ARE YOU GONNA
HELP ME OR NOT?
- YEAH.

OKAY. LET'S SEE...
♪ STANLEY... ♪

- OH, I GOT ONE!
- WHAT, WHAT?

♪ BE KIND TO THE ROPERS TODAY ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WE ALL KNOW
IT'S THEIR ANNIVERSRAY... ♪

"SRAY"?

"ANNIVERSRAY"? HA-HA-HA.

I THINK YOU BETTER KEEP
WORKING ON THAT ONE.

- IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS.
- MINE RHYMED, OKAY?

EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME. DID YOU REMIND
ROPER THAT HE HAS TO FIX THE REFRIGERATOR?

- EVERYTHING IS
FREEZING IN THERE!
- YEAH, RELAX.

- HE SAID HE'D BE UP TODAY.
- OH, GOOD.

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED POURING
FROZEN MILK ON CEREAL?

IT'S THE FIRST TIME I EVER HEARD RICE
KRISPIES GO SNAP, CRACKLE AND BURR.

JACK, HELP US WRITE A
SONG FOR THE ROPER'S PARTY.

- Jack: HUH?
- Janet: YES, SIT DOWN,
SIT DOWN. LOOK,

WE'RE TRYING TO
COME UP WITH A SONG

THAT WILL BE JUST RIGHT
FOR THE ROPER'S MARRIAGE.

HOW ABOUT "STRANGERS
IN THE NIGHT"?

HEY, MAYBE WE SHOULD DO
A CHEER INSTEAD OF A SONG.

- YOU THINK SO? LIKE WHAT THOUGH?
- CHEER?

UMM... OKAY, OKAY.

♪ TWO, FOUR, SIX, EIGHT WHO
DO WE APPRECIATE THE ROPERS ♪

♪ THE ROPERS, YEAH,
THE ROPERS. ♪ (giggles)

THAT WAS FANTASTIC, CHRISSY?

- (laughing)
- (Chrissy laughing)

YOU MEAN...

NO KIDDING, JACK. NO KIDDING.
YOU MEAN YOU LIKE THOSE WORDS?

- WHAT WORDS?
- OH, JACK.

- YOU WANNA MAKE A BIG HIT
AT THE ANNIVERSARY PARTY?
- YEAH.

I GOT JUST THE THING... I WILL
BAKE A TREMENDOUS CAKE

AND YOU AND CHRISSY
WILL JUST JUMP OUT OF IT.

- HEY, THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
- IN THE NUDE.

- NOT FUN.
- OKAY, I GOT
A BETTER IDEA.

I'LL STILL BAKE THE
TREMENDOUS CAKE,

YOU'LL STILL JUMP OUT OF IT, BUT
YOU'LL HAVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES ON.

EVERYBODY ELSE AT THE PARTY'LL
BE NUDE. HOW ABOUT THAT?

- JACK.
- JACK, THAT IS NOT
A BETTER IDEA.

OKAY, BACK TO THE ORIGINAL
PLAN. I'LL START THE FROSTING,

YOU GET UNDRESSED.
(mimics tearing)

(screams)

YOU KNOW, MR. ROPER, I'VE BEEN A
REAL ESTATE AGENT FOR MANY YEARS,

BUT THIS IS THE FASTEST
SALE I'VE EVER MADE.

WELL, I'VE OWNED THAT OLD
APARTMENT HOUSE LONG ENOUGH.

- BESIDES, I KNOW
THE VALUE OF A DOLLAR.
- OH, I CAN SEE THAT.

THE MINUTE I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH
MONEY YOU CAN GET FOR THE BUILDING...

WELL, WHEN IT'S
RIGHT, I ACT FAST.

YOU SURE DO.

YOU WERE READY TO SIGN THE
MOMENT YOU REGAINED CONSCIOUSNESS.

HEY, WHEN DO I GET THE MONEY?

WELL, DON'T YOU WANT YOUR ATTORNEY
TO LOOK THESE PAPERS OVER FIRST?

NO, NO, I'LL DO IT MYSELF. I USED TO
HAVE ONE OF THOSE HIGH-PRICED LAWYERS,

BUT WHY BLOW 10 BUCKS
WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO?

UH-HUH. WELL, I NEVER
THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY.

THIS IS YOUR COPY.

CAN YOU BRING THE CHECK
BY MY PLACE TONIGHT?

OH, CERTAINLY, BUT I THOUGHT

YOU WERE KEEPING THIS AS
A SECRET FROM YOUR WIFE.

JUST TILL TONIGHT. IT'S GONNA
BE AN ANNIVERSARY SURPRISE.

OH, WHY DON'T WE DRINK A TOAST
TO THE SALE OF YOUR BUILDING?

GOOD IDEA. I'LL GET
SOME MORE WINE.

- FORGET THE TOAST. MY WIFE IS HERE.
- WHAT?

YOU BETTER GET OUT.
YOU'LL RUIN THE SURPRISE.

OH, OH, OH... OKAY, OKAY.

JUST A MINUTE. HERE'S THE CHECK.
YOU CAN PAY THIS AT THE BAR.

STANLEY, WHO IS THAT WOMAN?

HELEN, WHAT A SURPRISE!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

STANLEY, I SAW YOU
WITH THAT WOMAN.

YOU DID? OH, YOU
MEAN THAT WOMAN?

OH, SHE JUST STOPPED
BY TO ASK DIRECTIONS.

AND STAYED FOR LUNCH?

HELEN, WHAT WOULD I
DO WITH ANOTHER WOMAN?

BEATS ME.

ESPECIALLY ON OUR ANNIVERSARY.

OH, STANLEY, I'M SO EXCITED

ABOUT THE PARTY
TONIGHT. (giggles)

AND I'M JUST SO GLAD

THAT YOU WANTED TO CELEBRATE
OUR ANNIVERSARY THIS YEAR.

- EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT IT,
I GET ROMANTIC.
- WILL YOU... SHH.

THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT
PLACE TO TALK ABOUT SEX.

PEOPLE ARE EATING!

ALL RIGHT, NOW I'M
GONNA TEACH YOU

HOW TO MAKE A TRIPLE
LAYER CAKE. ARE YOU ALL SET?

- MM-HMM.
- LESSON NUMBER ONE...

THE EGG. PICK UP YOUR EGG.

- (giggling)
- JANET, JANET
WORK WITH US, OKAY?

JUST WORK WITH US.
THANK YOU. HOLD THE EGG,

LOOK AT IT, MAKE
THE EGG YOUR FRIEND.

READY? NOW CRACK YOUR FRIEND.

OOH, OOH, OOH.

IN THE BOWL, JANET. THE COOKS
ALWAYS PUT EVERYTHING IN THE BOWL.

EXCEPT THE EGGSHELLS,
CHRISSY. WANT TO WORK ON THAT?

OH, JACK. LOOK, WHY DON'T WE
JUST FORGET ABOUT THE EGGS?

YEAH, WHAT DO WE
NEED THEM FOR ANYWAY?

BECAUSE A CAKE WITHOUT
EGGS IS CALLED A FRISBEE.

- WHEN ARE WE
GETTING TO THE FROSTING?
- ONE THING A TIME, JANET.

THIS CAKE IS GONNA BE SO BEAUTIFUL
YOU'RE GONNA WANNA WRAP IT UP AS A PRESENT.

OKAY. PRESENT! OH, MY GOSH,

WE'VE BEEN SO BUSY WRITING THIS
SONG AND THINKING ABOUT THE CAKE

WE FORGOT TO GET
THE ROPERS A PRESENT.

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT. WHAT
ARE WE GONNA GET THEM?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT THERE
MUST BE SOMETHING

MRS. ROPER'S BEEN
WANTING FOR A LONG TIME.

YEAH, BUT I THINK SHE
WANTS IT FROM MR. ROPER.

- (laughs)
- (doorbell rings)

- YOU ARE TERRIBLE.
- I'LL GET IT.

OOH, I GOT AN IDEA,
JACK. WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS? WHAT
ABOUT A PLANT FROM DOWN AT MY SHOP?

- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. I LIKE THAT.
- ME TOO.

- IT'S THOUGHTFUL.
- AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

All: AND IT'S CHEAP.

- HI, MR. ROPER.
- HI. I CAME UP TO FIX
THE REFRIGERATOR.

OH, THANK YOU, MR. ROPER. I'M SORRY
YOU HAVE TO DO IT ON YOUR ANNIVERSARY.

IT'S NO PROBLEM. IT'S THE LAST
TIME I'M GONNA FIX IT ANYWAY.

WHAT?! PARDON ME,
WHAT DID YOU SAY?

NOTHING, NOTHING. JUST THERE ARE
GONNA SOME CHANGES AROUND HERE...

PRETTY SOON.

CH...

- WHAT'D HE MEAN BY THAT?
- I DON'T KNOW,

- BUT LET'S GO FIND OUT.
- WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?

MR. ROPER,

DO YOU SEE ANYTHING WRONG
WITH THE REFRIGERATOR THERE?

- IT'S JUST YOUR THERMOSTAT.
- OH.

MR. ROPER, WE WERE
JUST WONDERING...

WHAT YOU MEANT THERE...

ABOUT... THERE'RE GONNA BE
SOME CHANGES MADE AROUND HERE.

LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY, JANET,

SOMEBODY YOU KNOW IS
GOING TO BE MOVING OUT.

- WHO?
- THAT'S A SECRET.

I'LL TELL YOU AT THE
ANNIVERSARY PARTY.

THAT'S WHEN I'M GONNA TELL
HELEN. I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT.

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT...
- YEAH, BUT MR. ROPER,

CAN'T YOU EVEN GIVE US A LITTLE TINY
HINT ON WHO'S MOVING OUT, PLEASE?

WELL, THERE'S AN OLD
NAVY SAYING, CHRISSY,

THAT NO MATTER HOW
OFTEN A MAN SALES ON A SHIP,

THERE FINALLY COMES A TIME
WHEN HE'S GONNA LEAVE HER.

BYE, KIDS. ♪ ANCHOR'S AWAY... ♪

- WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?
- I GOT IT, I GOT IT.

I FIGURED OUT HIS SECRET.

- I FIGURED OUT HIS SECRET.
- CHRISSY, WHAT IS IT?

WEREN'T YOU TWO
PAYING ATTENTION?

- Jack: TELL US.
- Janet: WHAT, PLEASE?

MR. ROPER'S GONNA
LEAVE THE NAVY.

- THE CHILD NEEDS HELP.
- YES.

CHRISSY, MR. ROPER
IS NOT IN THE NAVY.

HE'S JUST SAID HE'S
GONNA LEAVE A SHIP.

- MR. ROPER
DOESN'T HAVE A SHIP.
- YES, HE DOES.

- HUH?
- THE S.S. MRS. ROPER.

OH, NO. YOU MEAN...

- HE'S GOING TO LEAVE HER?!
- YEAH.

- WHAT A ROTTEN THING TO DO!
- YEAH.

HE NEVER EVEN
TOOK US FOR A SAIL.

BOY, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I CAN'T
BELIEVE ROPER'S LEAVING HIS WIFE.

AFTER 22 YEARS.

I WONDER WHY.

NINE TIMES OUT OF 10
IT'S ANOTHER WOMAN.

COME ON, JACK, WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT MR. ROPER.

OH, YEAH. I WONDER
WHAT IT IS THE OTHER TIME.

JACK, WE HAVE TO TALK TO THEM.

- AND SAY WHAT?
- WELL, WE'LL...

CHRISSY, YOUR FATHER'S A MINISTER.
WHAT DOES HE SAY TO COUPLES IN TROUBLE?

HE TELLS THEM TO KEEP THE BABY.

(laughs)

LOOK, THE VERY LEAST WE CAN DO

IS GO DOWN AND
TALK TO MRS. ROPER.

OH, JANET, WHY? SHE DOESN'T
EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT YET.

EXACTLY, WE CAN HELP SOFTEN
THE BLOW. WE ARE HER FRIENDS.

YEAH, YOU'RE
RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

WE OWE IT TO HER, EVEN IF SHE WILL
HATE US FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

- YEAH.
- JUST TRY TO BREAK IT
TO HER GENTLY.

- ME?
- YEAH.

WHAT? HOW COME YOU'RE
NOT GONNA TELL HER?

- OH, I WOULDN'T
DO IT RIGHT.
- WHY NOT?!

- 'CAUSE I'M A MAN.
- (groans)

YOU'RE ALSO A CHICKEN.

JANET, JANET, HE'S RIGHT.

TELLING MRS. ROPER'S
A WOMAN'S JOB.

- OH, I GUESS SO.
- LET ME KNOW HOW
SHE TAKES IT.

WHAT?! CHRISSY, COME HERE!

- YOU'RE GOING WITH ME.
- I CAN'T. DIVORCES MAKE ME
SO SAD I CRY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT. I'LL TAKE A
WHOLE BOX OF TISSUE. COME ON.

WAIT. WHAT ABOUT
THIS TRIPLE LAYER CAKE?

- I HELP YOU.
- NO, JACK CAN
HANDLE THAT.

CHICKENS LOVE WORKING WITH EGGS.

(mimicking) "CHICKENS
LOVE WORKING WITH EGGS."

♪ OH HOW WE DANCE SAMBA ♪

(off key) ♪ NIGHT ♪

♪ WHERE... ♪

- (doorbell rings)
- ♪ IT'S OPEN. ♪

(screams) HI, GIRLS, HI.

- COME ON IN.
- OKAY.

- (Mrs. Roper chuckles)
- (Janet moans)

JUST GETTING THE PLACE
READY FOR THE PARTY TONIGHT.

OH. STAY!

MRS. ROPER, IS
YOUR HUSBAND HOME?

NO, NO, HE WENT OUT.

OH, THAT MAN HAS
MADE ME SO HAPPY!

THIS IS GONNA BE ONE
ANNIVERSARY I'LL NEVER FORGET.

(sobbing)

CHRISSY, SMILE.

MRS...

MRS. ROPER, WE'D LIKE TO TALK
TO YOU ABOUT YOUR ANNIVERSARY.

- OH, I'D LOVE TO.
- Janet: GOOD.

OH, I WANNA SHOW YOU THE
SURPRISE I BOUGHT FOR STANLEY.

(sobbing)

SHH, SHH.

- CHRISSY,
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- SHE'S ALL RIGHT.

OH. HERE, LOOK AT IT.

- OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- OH, YEAH.

STANLEY ALWAYS WANTED A WATCH
DRESSY ENOUGH FOR BOWLING.

HERE, CHRISSY, READ THE
INSCRIPTION ON THE BACK.

- GO AHEAD... SHH.
- (sobs)

"TO MY DEAR STANLEY,

FOR THE YEARS WE'VE HAD

AND THE GOOD TIMES TO COME..."

(crying loudly)

- (Janet grunting)
- (Chrissy whimpers)

I DIDN'T' KNOW IT
WAS SO TOUCHING.

(grunts) GIVE ME THIS,
CHRISSY. GIVE IT TO ME.

MRS. ROPER, IT'S VERY TOUCHING.

MRS. ROPER, I THINK... AHEM...

I TH... I THINK YOU
SHOULD SIT DOWN.

- WHAT IS IT, JANET?
- WELL,

MRS. ROPER, UM...

THE TRUTH IS... (softly) GOD.

I JUST LOVE THE WAY
YOU'RE WEARING YOUR HAIR.

- JANET, TELL HER!
- I CAN'T.

- YOU TELL HER, CHRISSY.
- (gasps)

YES, YOU CAN. YES, YOU CAN.
YOUR FATHER IS A MINISTER.

IT'LL GO GREAT.

- Janet: SEE HOW
GOOD IT'S GOING?
- (Chrissy groans)

WELL, MRS. ROPER, SEE...

THE WORLD IS MADE UP
OF TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE,

TWOS AND ONES.

SOMETIMES TWO ONES BECOME A TWO

AND OTHER TIMES ONE OF THE ONES
OF THE TWO GETS TIRED OF BEING A TWO

AND WANTS TO BECOME A ONE AGAIN.

NOT THAT THE OTHER ONE
OF THE TWO ISN'T A NICE ONE.

IT'S JUST THAT TWO ONES CAN'T
BE A TWO WITHOUT THE ONE.

SEE?

NO.

(sobs)

CHRISSY, CHRISSY, CHRISSY.

TWO BEERS, JIM. THANKS.

JACK, I'M A BUSY MAN.
DO YOU MIND TELLING ME

WHY YOU DRAGGED ME
ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE?

WELL, MR. ROPER, I HAVE
TO HAVE A TALK WITH YOU

- MAN TO MAN.
- OKAY.

WHEN DOES YOUR MAN GET HERE?

MR. ROPER, LOOK, I KNOW WHAT
YOUR SURPRISE IS FOR TONIGHT.

- YOU DO?!
- YEAH, AND I THINK YOU'RE
MAKING A BIG MISTAKE.

HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT
WHAT YOU'RE LEAVING?

I KNOW WHAT I'M LEAVING,

AN OLD EYE SORE THAT I'M SICK
AND TIRED OF TAKING CARE OF.

COME ON, MR. ROPER, YOU
DON'T REALLY MEAN THAT.

YOU WANNA BET? YOU COME
DOWNSTAIRS WITH ME SOME TIME.

I'LL SHOW YOU A
SAGGING FOUNDATION.

NO, THANKS, I'D...
I'D RATHER NOT.

- HERE YOU GO.
- THANKS, JIM.

MR. ROPER, MAYBE I'M NOT GOING
ABOUT THIS IN THE RIGHT WAY.

YOU KNOW, YOUR WIFE... I MEAN,

SHE'S... SHE'S A
WONDERFUL WOMAN.

SO?

SO BEFORE YOU PULL YOUR
SURPRISE ON HER TONIGHT,

WHY DON'T YOU... TRY AGAIN?

TRY WHAT?

WELL, A LITTLE ROMANCE
WOULDN'T HURT.

YOU KNOW, A LITTLE SWEET
TALK, SOFT MUSIC AND...

YOU KNOW. A LITTLE WHOOPEE.

WHOOPEE?

SURE. RIGHT NOW.

- NOW?
- YEAH.

BUT IT'S STILL LIGHT OUT.

IT'S YOUR ANNIVERSARY.

OH, WELL.

- MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
- I KNOW I AM. LET'S GO.

NOT YET.

JIM, TWO DOUBLE SCOTCHES.

OH.

- AND WHAT ARE
YOU GONNA HAVE?
- (whistles)

HELEN.

WHERE ARE YOU?

Helen: I'M IN THE
KITCHEN, STANLEY,

AND I WANNA TALK TO YOU.

ME TOO.

COME ON OUT HERE, HELEN.

STANLEY, THERE'S SOMETHING
THAT WE HAVE TO DISCUSS.

HI.

WHAT?

HI.

LOOK, STANLEY, THE GIRLS
JUST TOLD ME SOMETHING THAT...

I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE.

I NEVER REALIZED HOW
BEAUTIFUL YOU LOOK IN BLUE.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, THE
WIFE IS ALWAYS THE LAST TO KNOW.

I WOULD'VE TOLD YOU SOONER, BUT
YOU NEVER WORE THAT DRESS BEFORE.

DON'T YOU MAKE
FUN OF ME, STANLEY.

I'M NOT, I'M NOT.

HELEN, COME ON,
LET'S GO IN THE...

IN THE BATHROOM?

NO, THE BEDROOM.

WHY?

YOU KNOW, HELEN.

YOU WANT US TO GO IN THE BEDROOM

SO YOU CAN MAKE IT RAIN?

NO.

LOOK, STANLEY, I KNOW WHAT
KIND OF GAMES YOU'RE PLAYING,

BUT... I WANT THE TRUTH
ABOUT OUR MARRIAGE.

SO YOU JUST BETTER
START TALKING.

THE TRUTH IS I WANT YOU
TO GO IN THERE WITH ME

SO WE CAN HAVE A LITTLE FUN.

NOW?!

WHY NOT? IT MIGHT THE LAST
TIME FOR US IN THAT BEDROOM.

THEN THE GIRLS WERE RIGHT.

COME ON, HELEN, YOU CAN
RUB MY BACK AND EVERYTHING.

YOU'RE AN ANIMAL!

- HELEN.
- HOW COULD
YOU DO THIS TO ME?

- I THOUGHT
YOU'D LIKE IT.
- (doorbell rings)

(yelling) IT'S OPEN!

All three: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

I HOPE I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN,

YOU... YOU... YOU
TWO-TIMING CRUMB.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU GOT
THEM BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.

I DID. THEY'RE
FIGHTING TOGETHER.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- YOU GIRLS WERE RIGHT
ABOUT HIM.

- HE IS LEAVING ME
FOR ANOTHER WOMAN.
- WHAT?!

- HELLO.
- (gasps)

SHE'S THE OTHER WOMAN.

OH, I GUESS YOU FOUND OUT
ABOUT OUR LITTLE SURPRISE.

DARN RIGHT I DID, HONEY.

- AND JUST IN TIME TOO.
- MR. ROPER, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME
THERE WAS ANOTHER WOMAN.

THIS ISN'T A WOMAN.
THIS IS MRS. DAWSON.

- SHE'S MARRIED.
- OH, CHRISSY, I WONDER
IF HER HUSBAND KNOWS.

OF COURSE HE KNOWS. HE
MUST'VE BEEN AT THE WEDDING.

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW HARD
IT WAS TO KEEP IT FROM YOU.

I MEAN, WE HAD TO MEET IN
ALL SORTS OF WEIRD PLACES

SO YOU WOULDN'T FIND OUT...

YOU KNOW, COFFEE
SHOPS, PARK BENCHES.

YEAH, I'LL BET YOU DID.

AND ONCE EVEN IN YOUR HUSBAND'S
CAR. OH GOD, WAS THAT UNCOMFORTABLE!

OH...

MR. ROPER, I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR.

THIS IS MY REAL ESTATE AGENT.

WHO CARES IF SHE'S YOUR
BUTCHER? IT'S STILL WRONG!

- YOU'RE ALL WRONG.
- WHAT IS EVERYBODY
TALKING ABOUT?

THEY THINK THAT YOU
AND I ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR.

OH, PEOPLE, PLEASE!

I'M IN REAL ESTATE,
NOT RECYCLING.

SO, STANLEY, IF...

IF THERE IS NOTHING
GOING ON, THEN...

WHY HAVE YOU BEEN SNEAKING
AROUND WITH YOUR REAL ESTATE AGENT?

IT WAS AN
ANNIVERSARY SURPRISE...

FOR YOU, HELEN.

FOR ME?!

- THEN... THEN YOU TWO AREN'T...
- NO, NO, NO.

- Mrs. Dawson: NO, NO, NO.
- WAIT. I CANNOT STAND IT
ANYMORE.

- WHAT IS THIS BIG SURPRISE?
- YEAH!

- YOU'RE READY?
- Janet and Jack: YES!

HELEN, I SOLD THE BUILDING.

WHAT BUILDING?

THIS BUILDING!

THIS BUILDING?

YOU SOLD THIS BUILDING?!

THAT WE'VE LIVED IN FOR 14 YEARS

WITHOUT CONSULTING ME?

THIS IS MY HOME TOO, STANLEY!

I HAPPEN TO LIKE IT
HERE AND I'M NOT MOVING!

AND THIS IS HOW
MUCH YOU GOT FOR IT.

OH, WHAT THE HELL, WE WERE
DUE FOR A CHANGE ANYWAY.

- CONGRATULATIONS, MRS. ROPER.
- (Mrs. Roper laughs)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY
TO BOTH OF YOU.

I'D BETTER BE RUNNING
ALONG. BYE-BYE.

- Mr. Roper: THANK YOU
VERY MUCH, MRS. DAWSON.
- UH-HUH.

(Mrs. Roper continues laughing)

MR. ROPER,

- YOU... YOU'RE REALLY
GONNA MOVE?
- YEAH.

THIS IS SO SUDDEN!

YOU'RE THE ONLY
LANDLORDS I EVER HAD.

BOY, UH... I'M REALLY
GONNA MISS YOU.

- OH, JANET.
- Chrissy: I'LL MISS YOU TOO..

(laughing) I'M GONNA
MISS YOU TOO.

OH, AND YOU TOO, MR. ROPER.

WHAT ABOUT ME? I'M
GONNA MISS THEM BOTH TOO.

- HEY, MRS. ROPER...
- OH, JACK.

- WE'LL SEND EACH
OTHER CHRISTMAS CARDS.
- YEAH, LET'S DO.

OH, WHAT THE HELL.

WELL, WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?

- COME ON,
LET'S START THE PARTY.
- I GOT A CAKE, MRS. ROPER.

OH, YEAH, YEAH. HEY, STANLEY...

STANLEY, GO GET THE
PLATES FOR THE CAKE, OKAY?

- YOU BAKED IT YOURSELF?
- YES, I DID.

- OH, THAT'S SO DARLING.
- THIS IS FOR YOU AND
MR. ROPER FROM US.

- THAT'S BEAUTIFUL, KIDS.
- HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

OH, THANK YOU. THAT'S SO NICE.

IT... IT'S GONNA BE SO DIFFERENT
AROUND HERE WITHOUT YOU.

- OH, YEAH.
- YEAH. HEY, LISTEN,

WITH MR. ROPER GONE,
THAT MEANS I'M FREE,

NO MORE MASQUERADING, NO MORE
HIDING THE FACT THAT I GO FOR GIRLS.

- SO LOOK OUT.
- THAT'S RIGHT.

BUT WAIT A MINUTE,
WAIT A MINUTE, JACK.

WILL THE NEW LANDLORDS LET TWO
GIRLS AND A GUY LIVE TOGETHER?

OH, DON'T WORRY, I
TOOK CARE OF THAT.

- YOU DID?
- YEAH, I TOLD THEM
YOU ARE GAY.

(theme music playing)

Ritter's voice: "THREE'S
COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED

IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.