Those Who Can't (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Lady and the Skamp - full transcript
The teachers protest poor working conditions by going on strike, Shoemaker and Abbey butt heads over who's the real strike leader, and Loren and Rod tailgate the event...leaving Quinn and Tammy to man the understaffed school.
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ENJOY!!!! Do not miss this tomorrow!
All right! Big day, class.
Today is the day we
climb Old Trusty.
Been in this gym longer
than anyone alive.
This climb's gonna separate
the strong from the weak.
Ow! Ooh! I got a sliver.
All right, I'm gonna demonstrate
to get us kicked off here, okay?
It's not that hard.
Oh!
Just give it a...
And that's when we found
this little cantina
called Senor Frog's, you guys.
Authentico, piro. Authentico.
Now, this margarita is not
gonna be as good as theirs,
I'll tell you that right now,
but you have to start somewhere.
So who wants a virgin...
Barely alcoholic margarita?
Who's in? Everybody?
Yes, that's what I'm
talking about, guys.
We're having fun and
we're learning.
Oh, god damn it!
Believe it or not,
W. E. B. Du Bois actually
opposed the Atlanta compromise.
Now, Du Bois was born here
in Great Barrington...
God! Not again!
Jesus, this this
place is falling...
Enough!
I'll show you on my globe here.
Now, Du Bois was born...
God damn it!
Get out!
Get out!
Oh, it's funny, isn't it?!
God!
All right.
Oh, wow, this rope
is extremely old.
It's all...
It's all frayed up here.
Give the bell a little
ring-a-ding, and down we go.
Aah!
Oh, hell no!
If you brush by me again,
I will slap those
tattoos off your arms.
That's not how
tattoos work, Tammy.
Hey, Geoffrey, this place
is going to shit, okay?
This morning, my map
fell off the wall,
a-and then my stool
broke, and then, um,
All the kids' desks broke
into a bunch of pieces.
Okay, time out.
I'm sorry to hear that, Mr.
Shoemaker.
And l... I'll be
the first to admit
we are in dire need
of new supplies,
but the reality is
we're out of money.
Well, then get it
from the district.
I'm an administrator, not a
professional fundraiser.
Well, then why do all those buttons say
"professional fundraiser" on them?
They say "professional
fun raiser,"
and that's a title
I gladly accept.
Right, and while you're
sitting here making buttons,
Fairbell is on his
deathbed right now.
To infinity and beyond!
Thank you for making an
appointment, Coach Fairbell.
First call I made after I
regained consciousness.
What the hell is that?
They were out of rascals
at the hospital,
so they gave me this scamp.
Pretty sweet, huh?
It's normally for
malnourished kids.
It's got two speeds
slug and scared dog.
Okay, well, I think we all agree
we're very glad that
you didn't die.
Nope, just some
fluid on the brain,
but the doctor said there was
plenty of room to swell.
Hmm! Hear that?
Sounds like a crisis averted.
Hey, just because he
heals like a starfish
doesn't mean that
you're off the hook.
And I'm telling you, Geoffrey,
if you don't do something about
this, we're gonna strike.
You... Wouldn't... Dare.
Try me.
This isn't the first time
a Shoemaker's threatened
a button maker.
I put an anarchy symbol
in your zen garden.
Come on, R2.
Fairbell, don't go.
Fairbell...
Don't go.
Fairbell?
I'm sorry.
Son of a...
Now, who among us has suffered
because Quinn won't
fight for us?!
He won't give us wifi for the
library, which is bullshit!
Yes, Abbey!
Trebin?
Yes, I can't afford frogs
for my biology dissections,
so I'm forced to use cats.
Let's hear it for
Abbey again, huh?
Yeah!
I don't want to work anymore!
Yeah, I don't want
to work at all!
Thank you, Rod and Loren.
This morning, our cause
finally found its face
when wheels and whistles
here fell from the rafters
and suffered the kind
of hip dysplasia
normally reserved for
old German Shepherds.
But tomorrow, we do it for all
the Fairbells of the world!
Fairbell!
Fairbell!
Now, Leslie has
graciously offered
to provide us with water and
snacks for the long haul.
Anything for Fairbell.
Thank you, Leslie.
Fairbell! Fairbell!
Yes, Fairbell?
How long does a strike last?
Days, months... As
long as it takes
to get these pigs
to listen to us!
- For Fairbell!
- Okay!
Fairbell, Fairbell, Fairbell!
Months? That means I
can't coach my girls.
I've changed my mind.
I don't want to strike.
I don't want to strike.
Could you just all excuse me
for just one second here?
Just one second.
What the hell are you
talking about, Fairbell?
All of this is for you, so,
yes, you are doing it.
No, I'm not.
Besides, I love
it here at Smoot.
I bleed red and gray.
That's because there's
bone marrow in your blood.
I'm warning you, Fairbell,
if you're not with us,
you're against us.
Well, then I guess
I'm against us.
I'm leaving this traitor's den.
Oh, piss yourselves!
Yeah, whatever!
I got your flag!
Get out of here!
You guys?
What are you doing?
We don't need him anyway!
We don't need him anyway!
We don't need him anyway!
Abbey, that's your platform.
Abbey's right.
Hey, hey, Abbey is right.
Abbey is right! Abbey is right!
We don't need him anyway,
because tomorrow,
we go on strike!
Oh!
Strike, strike, strike, strike!
Strike, strike, strike, strike!
Strike, strike!
Strike, strike, strike, strike!
Aah!
Oh!
Okay, we got strike
water, six bucks.
Chips, $4.50,
and show solidarity with a Smoot
strike bear... only 25 bucks.
- What is this?
- What?
What did you... where'd you get
this, at a plane-crash site?
I thought you were giving
us this stuff for free?
Ha!
Stupid, stupid Shoemaker.
- You think my kids work for free?
- Yeah.
Well, I have to get paid for
making them work for free, okay?
Mind your own
business, Buttinsky.
Strike water, six bucks.
Thank you for coming out.
Thank you for being here.
Now, today, when
things get tough...
And they will... remember
our demands are simple.
Safer working conditions.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Adequate school supplies.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
And an equitable restructuring
of our school's 403
retirement plan,
abolishing all
reservation charges,
lowering interest rates below 1%
for the perpetuity
of our enrollment.
Can you hear us in your ivory
tower, Principal Quinn?
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Come on!
That's what I'm talking about.
Bring in the fire...
- What?
- I'm sorry I'm late.
I've been up all night making
these strike t-shirts.
What do you think?
Abbey, listen, I kind of wish
that maybe you would ask
me about things like this
in the future... this
being my strike and all.
So, is this what
it's about for you?
Like, you want to
be a leader guy?
Well... at occupy Denver,
we had no leaders!
- You were at occupy?
- Yeah!
Weren't you?
No, I didn't go because
occupy was just
a bunch of disorganized
teens peeing on trees.
No, it was about the 99%
rising up against the 1%!
It was about camaraderie
and passion!
- Yeah!
- Like this!
Yeah!
So we wander into this cantina,
and it was authentico, piro.
Authentico, authentico, man.
- Senor Frog's?
- Mm!
Yeah, that's where I
unleash my fiesta.
Mm-hmm.
I think it's their slogan, but
that's what I do there, yeah.
It's tucked right down that alley
next to the T.G.I. Viernes
I cannot believe you've
been to Senor Frog's.
- That is ridiculous!
- Yeah.
You get those cinnamon
rolls nice and hot yet?
Rod, what are you doing?
That's lighter fluid.
Vodka, right. I'm
a professional.
That... That's... mm!
That's the wrong container.
Scabs are here.
Here come the scabs!
They're bussing them in!
And we'll give 'em hell!
Spit on 'em!
Abbey!
You guys suck!
All right, handle it from here, Abbey.
Thank you.
Welcome to hell, everyone!
Well, well, well.
If it isn't the
theory of nothing.
Here to help your
scab friends, I see.
Yeah, well, at least
I have my dignity.
- Boo!
- Give 'em hell!
Boo yourself!
You sound like a bunch
of dumb ghosts!
Rod, hand me my barbecue tongs.
Ah!
Oh!
Oh!
Nice shot, Loren. Bet you
couldn't do it again.
Two for two!
It's sizzling hot, Loren!
You got what you
deserved, you scabs!
Show 'em how you feel...
scab trash, only a quarter.
Good, I like it!
Oh!
No ramp! Aah!
Girls and little
Debbie, I need help!
I got you, Coach! Lady
terrorists, assemble!
Come on, ladies.
Back up, scabs!
Who did that?
Go back to your lousy scabs!
- She coming, Rod?
- I don't know.
Stay down, dude.
Why aren't you doing
anything to end this strike?
Mm, I am 100% staying out of it.
I'm not about to incur the
wrath of the teachers union.
You think that Shoemaker
actually had the foresight
to call the teachers union?
This is a rogue strike.
They could lose their jobs.
Oh, my god, Tammy!
You might have just
inadvertently stumbled
into the solution
to this whole mess.
If by "inadvertently," you mean
that I gave you the information
you need to solve it
and by "stumbled," you
mean that I did so
with clarity and precision,
then you're welcome.
Okay, cool the 'tude, big "T"
I'm gonna talk to Shoemaker,
show him the way of the world.
And I'll tell you what, if
things start to go south,
I'll make the call.
- Oh, who you gonna call?
- Ghostbuster...
- Ooh!
- Damn, I'm sorry!
Oh, it was a reflex.
Okay, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Let's just, uh,
let's get this...
I haven't really had any
feeling in my face...
Get this... There you go.
Since the cinnamon-roll
burn this morning.
Coach Fairbell, is there...
There something we
can help you with?!
Correction. I'm
here to help you.
I'm even more efficient now,
thanks to my new
catastrophe bag.
Uh...
I think that's a colostomy bag.
Nope, the...
The doctor took a look at it,
and he said very specifically,
"this is a catastrophe."
Well, how about we do this
you find someone to assist,
and then just maybe kind
of do whatever they say.
Sounds like the most important
job in the whole school.
But first, I got to make a pit
stop in the little boys' room.
I got a fresh catastrophe
warming up my leg.
Yeah. You know what I mean?
It's actually kind
of comfortable.
Hey, I'll be back in
a couple of minutes
if you all need any super help.
I could just knock or just
put, like, a sign on the...
If you change your
mind, just yell.
What do we want?
Better working conditions!
Better books for the library!
And when do we want it?
Now! Now! Now! Now!
If not sooner!
Okay, Abbey, how do we
get sooner than now?
How do we do that?
Well, maybe that's what
we're trying to change.
The fabric of time?
Wait, so I'm being punished
for being passionate?
No! Oh, god, no, no!
Please don't take it like that.
It's just that passion
like yours is awful.
Psst, Shoemaker?!
Jesus Christ, Quinn!
What have I told you
about sneaking up on me
while I'm pissing?
And what have I told you
about urinating on our
struggling trees?
Whatever.
Did you come here to see
what a real pair of
testicles look like?
No.
I actually came down here to
tell you to end this strike
or I'm gonna call Union
President Tarkington
and let him know what
you're doing down here.
You know what?
You go ahead and you tell the
union what we're doing here,
'cause we want them on our side.
Yeah?
But you didn't ask
their permission.
That's right.
Read your union guide, hoffa
paragraph 3, section II.
"Any unauthorized
strike shall result
in the immediate termination
of all those involved."
What, this?
Yeah, I-I would hardly even
call this a strike, Quinn.
This is definitely a strike!
Yeah.
End this right now
and all you've got
is study-hall duty for the
rest of the semester.
But you stay, and the union will
can you like pole-caught tuna.
You know what, Shoemaker?
I've been listening to you
spout Neo-Socialist garbage
for pretty much the whole
time I've known you,
but you really stepped up
and put your money where your
mouth is on this one, dude.
I'm actually proud of you.
Loren, we're.
Yeah, I hear that, bro.
Oh, man, I pissed all
over my jogging jeans.
Hey, guys, we're doing great!
And we will not go quietly!
Or, or... Hey, Abbey!
Or we could all whisper
behind the backs of
our oppressors, huh?
- Huh?
- Th-that'll show 'em.
Do you all have the courage
to cross your arms
and stare in silent judgment?
Silent... what are
you talking about?
The news showed up!
Oh, hell!
It's the media!
Our message is finally gonna
be heard around the world!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Hi!
I'm Gloria Guzman with
Super Accion Noticias.
And you are?
Uh, I'm Abbey Logan, but
this is not about me.
I just want to thank you
for having the balls
to catch the beginnings of
this important movement.
Actually, there's
nothing beginning here.
Hi.
This is actually the ending
of a faculty barbecue.
I'm sorry, who are you?
No, who I am is not important.
His name is Billy Shoemaker.
Oh, Christ almighty.
Shoemaker, yes.
You were the person that
called us this morning
to alert us about the strike.
Oh, no, no, no!
"Strike" is such an
offensive and violent word
for what you can
see is really just
a peaceful exchange of
intellectual ideas.
Oh, I would love to see the
origami artist that made you,
- you paper tiger.
- Hey, you want to get Japanese on me?
The Green Reed which
bends in the wind
is stronger than the oak
that breaks in the storm!
Confucius was Chinese, idiot!
All right! Nothing
to be afraid of.
Death is a very
natural part of life
to be studied for
scientific benefi...
Okay, the collar is still on.
Good God, could no one
have taken that off first?
Wow.
We got trouble with
a capital "N!"
Look, Tam-Tam, I know
you can say that Work,
but honestly, it makes
me a little un...
No, news!
The news is here to
shoot the strike!
- What?!
- You got to get out there!
No, no, no!
No, I can't be seen on camera.
If Union President
Tarkington sees that,
he'll think I can't
control my faculty.
Fairbell!
Great news!
I found a job for you!
Fireman? Astronaut?!
No! Messenger boy.
Messenger boy!
And that's why your
father probably left!
- Oh, that's a low...
- I'm sorry to interrupt.
Is this a strike or not?
- No!
- Yes!
Could you just excuse
us for one second?
- Get over here!
- Why are you shutting this down?
I thought we believed in this.
I didn't get union approval.
- Hey, can anybody help me down?
- What?
Yeah, but if the union
finds out about this,
everyone loses their jobs.
Sorry. Did I say strike?
- We're not striking.
- No.
A strike is what we call
our faculty barbecues.
Oh.
Like a strike a match
to light a barbecue.
Or strike up a conversation.
Wordplay.
- Do not talk to the news!
- Never been anything to see here.
Yes.
Sí, se puede!
Oh, Christ almighty.
Sí, se puede! Sí, se puede!
Gloria Guzman. I am such a fan.
Wow!
Your exposé on
bootleg NFL blankets
totally changed my
shopping habits.
I'm Loren Payton,
leader of this strike.
So it is a strike?
This is the strike of
the century, guys.
Strike of the century.
What are you doing after this?
They got a Senor Frog's
in Stapleton now.
You want to unleash your fiesta?
Oh, yeah!
And then maybe we can get some
shrimp at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.
You know Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.?
I'm gonna Evel Knievel it!
Of course, why have scampi.
Shrimp scampi is so authentico.
I devour it. All
you can eat, too.
Hey, what are you doing?
What do you mean,
what am I doing?
- Trying to wife up Guzman.
- Excuse me?
We'll date for a little bit first after
this whole strike thing settles down.
No, there's really nothing out
of the ordinary to see here.
Holy crap!
That crippled kid just
fell down the stairs!
All right, this is it! Move, move...
let's go.
Jorge, we have an injured
handicapped child.
Sweetie, sweetie, are you...
are you...
Oh, that is... you
are a grown man.
I think I popped my bag.
Okay.
Well, this has been
a waste of my time
since I got out of the van.
All right. Let's go.
Oh! Shoemaker!
I can't believe you
called the news here!
Relax, Quinn, it's just
super acción notícias.
Nobody saw it.
I am sick and tired of you
walking all over me, okay?
So right here, right now, you
and I are gonna have it out,
because I am not going anywh...
It's Union President Tarkington!
5-0, 5-0!
Quinn, I'll handle...
Psych!
That's the oldest trick
in the book, guys.
Smoot strikers, I like
what you're doing here.
Really?
The civil disobedience, the
grilling of breakfast food.
Semper fi!
Well, thank you.
But the suits downtown...
They're pretty pissed you didn't
ask for permission first.
Oh, please, don't fire us.
I have this secret family I'm
paying for, and they g...
Geez, Trebin, button it up.
Forget it.
So I'm just looking
for the leader.
Who's in charge?
Does anybody want to step
up and take responsibility?
If somebody doesn't take
responsibility here,
you're all gonna have to.
Fine.
It was me, I'm the leader.
Nice try, Spartacus,
but I'm looking for
the actual leader.
No, it... it really was me.
I... I started all this.
No, it has to be someone who
really inspires people.
Like that "Mario
Kart" character.
That's inspiring.
Oh, Fairbell.
You!
- You're the leader!
- What?
- No, no, no!
- Yeah, you!
Your face is on the t-shirts!
Punishment time.
Two weeks paid leave.
I don't want to see you
anywhere near the campus.
That's his punishment
two weeks off?
I can't work for two weeks?
Yeah, effective immediately.
I got to go.
My Uber driver is a minute away.
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
This is not a
leaderless revolution.
- I was the leader!
- It was me!
I started the whole thing!
Ask Guzman! She'll tell you!
I was in charge of
the whole thing!
Oh, come on!
Two weeks paid leave.
It's ridiculous.
It's garbage!
He falls from the rafters
and he gets go home.
- Come on, lift me in, lift me in.
- Fairbell, didn't you hear Tarkington?
You've got to go. You
can't be here anymore.
Why are you doing this to me?
We're doing this
for your own good.
Now, you go on, you
get out of here!
Get out of here!
You get! You can't
be here no more.
You get!
Go on!
Head to the mountains now.
You get!
Probably would have been more
humane to just shoot him.
Definitely.
I'm thinking about just
wearing this permanently.
Oh, it's Casual Friday.
ENJOY!!!! Do not
miss this tomorrow!
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ENJOY!!!! Do not miss this tomorrow!
All right! Big day, class.
Today is the day we
climb Old Trusty.
Been in this gym longer
than anyone alive.
This climb's gonna separate
the strong from the weak.
Ow! Ooh! I got a sliver.
All right, I'm gonna demonstrate
to get us kicked off here, okay?
It's not that hard.
Oh!
Just give it a...
And that's when we found
this little cantina
called Senor Frog's, you guys.
Authentico, piro. Authentico.
Now, this margarita is not
gonna be as good as theirs,
I'll tell you that right now,
but you have to start somewhere.
So who wants a virgin...
Barely alcoholic margarita?
Who's in? Everybody?
Yes, that's what I'm
talking about, guys.
We're having fun and
we're learning.
Oh, god damn it!
Believe it or not,
W. E. B. Du Bois actually
opposed the Atlanta compromise.
Now, Du Bois was born here
in Great Barrington...
God! Not again!
Jesus, this this
place is falling...
Enough!
I'll show you on my globe here.
Now, Du Bois was born...
God damn it!
Get out!
Get out!
Oh, it's funny, isn't it?!
God!
All right.
Oh, wow, this rope
is extremely old.
It's all...
It's all frayed up here.
Give the bell a little
ring-a-ding, and down we go.
Aah!
Oh, hell no!
If you brush by me again,
I will slap those
tattoos off your arms.
That's not how
tattoos work, Tammy.
Hey, Geoffrey, this place
is going to shit, okay?
This morning, my map
fell off the wall,
a-and then my stool
broke, and then, um,
All the kids' desks broke
into a bunch of pieces.
Okay, time out.
I'm sorry to hear that, Mr.
Shoemaker.
And l... I'll be
the first to admit
we are in dire need
of new supplies,
but the reality is
we're out of money.
Well, then get it
from the district.
I'm an administrator, not a
professional fundraiser.
Well, then why do all those buttons say
"professional fundraiser" on them?
They say "professional
fun raiser,"
and that's a title
I gladly accept.
Right, and while you're
sitting here making buttons,
Fairbell is on his
deathbed right now.
To infinity and beyond!
Thank you for making an
appointment, Coach Fairbell.
First call I made after I
regained consciousness.
What the hell is that?
They were out of rascals
at the hospital,
so they gave me this scamp.
Pretty sweet, huh?
It's normally for
malnourished kids.
It's got two speeds
slug and scared dog.
Okay, well, I think we all agree
we're very glad that
you didn't die.
Nope, just some
fluid on the brain,
but the doctor said there was
plenty of room to swell.
Hmm! Hear that?
Sounds like a crisis averted.
Hey, just because he
heals like a starfish
doesn't mean that
you're off the hook.
And I'm telling you, Geoffrey,
if you don't do something about
this, we're gonna strike.
You... Wouldn't... Dare.
Try me.
This isn't the first time
a Shoemaker's threatened
a button maker.
I put an anarchy symbol
in your zen garden.
Come on, R2.
Fairbell, don't go.
Fairbell...
Don't go.
Fairbell?
I'm sorry.
Son of a...
Now, who among us has suffered
because Quinn won't
fight for us?!
He won't give us wifi for the
library, which is bullshit!
Yes, Abbey!
Trebin?
Yes, I can't afford frogs
for my biology dissections,
so I'm forced to use cats.
Let's hear it for
Abbey again, huh?
Yeah!
I don't want to work anymore!
Yeah, I don't want
to work at all!
Thank you, Rod and Loren.
This morning, our cause
finally found its face
when wheels and whistles
here fell from the rafters
and suffered the kind
of hip dysplasia
normally reserved for
old German Shepherds.
But tomorrow, we do it for all
the Fairbells of the world!
Fairbell!
Fairbell!
Now, Leslie has
graciously offered
to provide us with water and
snacks for the long haul.
Anything for Fairbell.
Thank you, Leslie.
Fairbell! Fairbell!
Yes, Fairbell?
How long does a strike last?
Days, months... As
long as it takes
to get these pigs
to listen to us!
- For Fairbell!
- Okay!
Fairbell, Fairbell, Fairbell!
Months? That means I
can't coach my girls.
I've changed my mind.
I don't want to strike.
I don't want to strike.
Could you just all excuse me
for just one second here?
Just one second.
What the hell are you
talking about, Fairbell?
All of this is for you, so,
yes, you are doing it.
No, I'm not.
Besides, I love
it here at Smoot.
I bleed red and gray.
That's because there's
bone marrow in your blood.
I'm warning you, Fairbell,
if you're not with us,
you're against us.
Well, then I guess
I'm against us.
I'm leaving this traitor's den.
Oh, piss yourselves!
Yeah, whatever!
I got your flag!
Get out of here!
You guys?
What are you doing?
We don't need him anyway!
We don't need him anyway!
We don't need him anyway!
Abbey, that's your platform.
Abbey's right.
Hey, hey, Abbey is right.
Abbey is right! Abbey is right!
We don't need him anyway,
because tomorrow,
we go on strike!
Oh!
Strike, strike, strike, strike!
Strike, strike, strike, strike!
Strike, strike!
Strike, strike, strike, strike!
Aah!
Oh!
Okay, we got strike
water, six bucks.
Chips, $4.50,
and show solidarity with a Smoot
strike bear... only 25 bucks.
- What is this?
- What?
What did you... where'd you get
this, at a plane-crash site?
I thought you were giving
us this stuff for free?
Ha!
Stupid, stupid Shoemaker.
- You think my kids work for free?
- Yeah.
Well, I have to get paid for
making them work for free, okay?
Mind your own
business, Buttinsky.
Strike water, six bucks.
Thank you for coming out.
Thank you for being here.
Now, today, when
things get tough...
And they will... remember
our demands are simple.
Safer working conditions.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Adequate school supplies.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
And an equitable restructuring
of our school's 403
retirement plan,
abolishing all
reservation charges,
lowering interest rates below 1%
for the perpetuity
of our enrollment.
Can you hear us in your ivory
tower, Principal Quinn?
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Come on!
That's what I'm talking about.
Bring in the fire...
- What?
- I'm sorry I'm late.
I've been up all night making
these strike t-shirts.
What do you think?
Abbey, listen, I kind of wish
that maybe you would ask
me about things like this
in the future... this
being my strike and all.
So, is this what
it's about for you?
Like, you want to
be a leader guy?
Well... at occupy Denver,
we had no leaders!
- You were at occupy?
- Yeah!
Weren't you?
No, I didn't go because
occupy was just
a bunch of disorganized
teens peeing on trees.
No, it was about the 99%
rising up against the 1%!
It was about camaraderie
and passion!
- Yeah!
- Like this!
Yeah!
So we wander into this cantina,
and it was authentico, piro.
Authentico, authentico, man.
- Senor Frog's?
- Mm!
Yeah, that's where I
unleash my fiesta.
Mm-hmm.
I think it's their slogan, but
that's what I do there, yeah.
It's tucked right down that alley
next to the T.G.I. Viernes
I cannot believe you've
been to Senor Frog's.
- That is ridiculous!
- Yeah.
You get those cinnamon
rolls nice and hot yet?
Rod, what are you doing?
That's lighter fluid.
Vodka, right. I'm
a professional.
That... That's... mm!
That's the wrong container.
Scabs are here.
Here come the scabs!
They're bussing them in!
And we'll give 'em hell!
Spit on 'em!
Abbey!
You guys suck!
All right, handle it from here, Abbey.
Thank you.
Welcome to hell, everyone!
Well, well, well.
If it isn't the
theory of nothing.
Here to help your
scab friends, I see.
Yeah, well, at least
I have my dignity.
- Boo!
- Give 'em hell!
Boo yourself!
You sound like a bunch
of dumb ghosts!
Rod, hand me my barbecue tongs.
Ah!
Oh!
Oh!
Nice shot, Loren. Bet you
couldn't do it again.
Two for two!
It's sizzling hot, Loren!
You got what you
deserved, you scabs!
Show 'em how you feel...
scab trash, only a quarter.
Good, I like it!
Oh!
No ramp! Aah!
Girls and little
Debbie, I need help!
I got you, Coach! Lady
terrorists, assemble!
Come on, ladies.
Back up, scabs!
Who did that?
Go back to your lousy scabs!
- She coming, Rod?
- I don't know.
Stay down, dude.
Why aren't you doing
anything to end this strike?
Mm, I am 100% staying out of it.
I'm not about to incur the
wrath of the teachers union.
You think that Shoemaker
actually had the foresight
to call the teachers union?
This is a rogue strike.
They could lose their jobs.
Oh, my god, Tammy!
You might have just
inadvertently stumbled
into the solution
to this whole mess.
If by "inadvertently," you mean
that I gave you the information
you need to solve it
and by "stumbled," you
mean that I did so
with clarity and precision,
then you're welcome.
Okay, cool the 'tude, big "T"
I'm gonna talk to Shoemaker,
show him the way of the world.
And I'll tell you what, if
things start to go south,
I'll make the call.
- Oh, who you gonna call?
- Ghostbuster...
- Ooh!
- Damn, I'm sorry!
Oh, it was a reflex.
Okay, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Let's just, uh,
let's get this...
I haven't really had any
feeling in my face...
Get this... There you go.
Since the cinnamon-roll
burn this morning.
Coach Fairbell, is there...
There something we
can help you with?!
Correction. I'm
here to help you.
I'm even more efficient now,
thanks to my new
catastrophe bag.
Uh...
I think that's a colostomy bag.
Nope, the...
The doctor took a look at it,
and he said very specifically,
"this is a catastrophe."
Well, how about we do this
you find someone to assist,
and then just maybe kind
of do whatever they say.
Sounds like the most important
job in the whole school.
But first, I got to make a pit
stop in the little boys' room.
I got a fresh catastrophe
warming up my leg.
Yeah. You know what I mean?
It's actually kind
of comfortable.
Hey, I'll be back in
a couple of minutes
if you all need any super help.
I could just knock or just
put, like, a sign on the...
If you change your
mind, just yell.
What do we want?
Better working conditions!
Better books for the library!
And when do we want it?
Now! Now! Now! Now!
If not sooner!
Okay, Abbey, how do we
get sooner than now?
How do we do that?
Well, maybe that's what
we're trying to change.
The fabric of time?
Wait, so I'm being punished
for being passionate?
No! Oh, god, no, no!
Please don't take it like that.
It's just that passion
like yours is awful.
Psst, Shoemaker?!
Jesus Christ, Quinn!
What have I told you
about sneaking up on me
while I'm pissing?
And what have I told you
about urinating on our
struggling trees?
Whatever.
Did you come here to see
what a real pair of
testicles look like?
No.
I actually came down here to
tell you to end this strike
or I'm gonna call Union
President Tarkington
and let him know what
you're doing down here.
You know what?
You go ahead and you tell the
union what we're doing here,
'cause we want them on our side.
Yeah?
But you didn't ask
their permission.
That's right.
Read your union guide, hoffa
paragraph 3, section II.
"Any unauthorized
strike shall result
in the immediate termination
of all those involved."
What, this?
Yeah, I-I would hardly even
call this a strike, Quinn.
This is definitely a strike!
Yeah.
End this right now
and all you've got
is study-hall duty for the
rest of the semester.
But you stay, and the union will
can you like pole-caught tuna.
You know what, Shoemaker?
I've been listening to you
spout Neo-Socialist garbage
for pretty much the whole
time I've known you,
but you really stepped up
and put your money where your
mouth is on this one, dude.
I'm actually proud of you.
Loren, we're.
Yeah, I hear that, bro.
Oh, man, I pissed all
over my jogging jeans.
Hey, guys, we're doing great!
And we will not go quietly!
Or, or... Hey, Abbey!
Or we could all whisper
behind the backs of
our oppressors, huh?
- Huh?
- Th-that'll show 'em.
Do you all have the courage
to cross your arms
and stare in silent judgment?
Silent... what are
you talking about?
The news showed up!
Oh, hell!
It's the media!
Our message is finally gonna
be heard around the world!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Hi!
I'm Gloria Guzman with
Super Accion Noticias.
And you are?
Uh, I'm Abbey Logan, but
this is not about me.
I just want to thank you
for having the balls
to catch the beginnings of
this important movement.
Actually, there's
nothing beginning here.
Hi.
This is actually the ending
of a faculty barbecue.
I'm sorry, who are you?
No, who I am is not important.
His name is Billy Shoemaker.
Oh, Christ almighty.
Shoemaker, yes.
You were the person that
called us this morning
to alert us about the strike.
Oh, no, no, no!
"Strike" is such an
offensive and violent word
for what you can
see is really just
a peaceful exchange of
intellectual ideas.
Oh, I would love to see the
origami artist that made you,
- you paper tiger.
- Hey, you want to get Japanese on me?
The Green Reed which
bends in the wind
is stronger than the oak
that breaks in the storm!
Confucius was Chinese, idiot!
All right! Nothing
to be afraid of.
Death is a very
natural part of life
to be studied for
scientific benefi...
Okay, the collar is still on.
Good God, could no one
have taken that off first?
Wow.
We got trouble with
a capital "N!"
Look, Tam-Tam, I know
you can say that Work,
but honestly, it makes
me a little un...
No, news!
The news is here to
shoot the strike!
- What?!
- You got to get out there!
No, no, no!
No, I can't be seen on camera.
If Union President
Tarkington sees that,
he'll think I can't
control my faculty.
Fairbell!
Great news!
I found a job for you!
Fireman? Astronaut?!
No! Messenger boy.
Messenger boy!
And that's why your
father probably left!
- Oh, that's a low...
- I'm sorry to interrupt.
Is this a strike or not?
- No!
- Yes!
Could you just excuse
us for one second?
- Get over here!
- Why are you shutting this down?
I thought we believed in this.
I didn't get union approval.
- Hey, can anybody help me down?
- What?
Yeah, but if the union
finds out about this,
everyone loses their jobs.
Sorry. Did I say strike?
- We're not striking.
- No.
A strike is what we call
our faculty barbecues.
Oh.
Like a strike a match
to light a barbecue.
Or strike up a conversation.
Wordplay.
- Do not talk to the news!
- Never been anything to see here.
Yes.
Sí, se puede!
Oh, Christ almighty.
Sí, se puede! Sí, se puede!
Gloria Guzman. I am such a fan.
Wow!
Your exposé on
bootleg NFL blankets
totally changed my
shopping habits.
I'm Loren Payton,
leader of this strike.
So it is a strike?
This is the strike of
the century, guys.
Strike of the century.
What are you doing after this?
They got a Senor Frog's
in Stapleton now.
You want to unleash your fiesta?
Oh, yeah!
And then maybe we can get some
shrimp at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.
You know Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.?
I'm gonna Evel Knievel it!
Of course, why have scampi.
Shrimp scampi is so authentico.
I devour it. All
you can eat, too.
Hey, what are you doing?
What do you mean,
what am I doing?
- Trying to wife up Guzman.
- Excuse me?
We'll date for a little bit first after
this whole strike thing settles down.
No, there's really nothing out
of the ordinary to see here.
Holy crap!
That crippled kid just
fell down the stairs!
All right, this is it! Move, move...
let's go.
Jorge, we have an injured
handicapped child.
Sweetie, sweetie, are you...
are you...
Oh, that is... you
are a grown man.
I think I popped my bag.
Okay.
Well, this has been
a waste of my time
since I got out of the van.
All right. Let's go.
Oh! Shoemaker!
I can't believe you
called the news here!
Relax, Quinn, it's just
super acción notícias.
Nobody saw it.
I am sick and tired of you
walking all over me, okay?
So right here, right now, you
and I are gonna have it out,
because I am not going anywh...
It's Union President Tarkington!
5-0, 5-0!
Quinn, I'll handle...
Psych!
That's the oldest trick
in the book, guys.
Smoot strikers, I like
what you're doing here.
Really?
The civil disobedience, the
grilling of breakfast food.
Semper fi!
Well, thank you.
But the suits downtown...
They're pretty pissed you didn't
ask for permission first.
Oh, please, don't fire us.
I have this secret family I'm
paying for, and they g...
Geez, Trebin, button it up.
Forget it.
So I'm just looking
for the leader.
Who's in charge?
Does anybody want to step
up and take responsibility?
If somebody doesn't take
responsibility here,
you're all gonna have to.
Fine.
It was me, I'm the leader.
Nice try, Spartacus,
but I'm looking for
the actual leader.
No, it... it really was me.
I... I started all this.
No, it has to be someone who
really inspires people.
Like that "Mario
Kart" character.
That's inspiring.
Oh, Fairbell.
You!
- You're the leader!
- What?
- No, no, no!
- Yeah, you!
Your face is on the t-shirts!
Punishment time.
Two weeks paid leave.
I don't want to see you
anywhere near the campus.
That's his punishment
two weeks off?
I can't work for two weeks?
Yeah, effective immediately.
I got to go.
My Uber driver is a minute away.
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
This is not a
leaderless revolution.
- I was the leader!
- It was me!
I started the whole thing!
Ask Guzman! She'll tell you!
I was in charge of
the whole thing!
Oh, come on!
Two weeks paid leave.
It's ridiculous.
It's garbage!
He falls from the rafters
and he gets go home.
- Come on, lift me in, lift me in.
- Fairbell, didn't you hear Tarkington?
You've got to go. You
can't be here anymore.
Why are you doing this to me?
We're doing this
for your own good.
Now, you go on, you
get out of here!
Get out of here!
You get! You can't
be here no more.
You get!
Go on!
Head to the mountains now.
You get!
Probably would have been more
humane to just shoot him.
Definitely.
I'm thinking about just
wearing this permanently.
Oh, it's Casual Friday.
ENJOY!!!! Do not
miss this tomorrow!