The Yard (2011–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - The Territories - full transcript

Maybe to adults it
looks like we're just running

around, playing whatever we want
to, wherever we want to, running

all around the yard, willy-nilly
without barriers or boundaries.

But it's not that simple.
Kids can't just play anywhere they

want, because the yard is carved
up into a whole bunch of, like,

territories.

The territories are all
controlled by different groups

who all have their own rules for
who gets to play where. So,

like, there's the rope-skipping
area, which belongs to the grade

five girls. They decide who can play there.
They let other girls

play there, but only if they like them.
They won't let boys



play there, 'cause they think
boys are smelly. Except, they

let Danny Steele play there, but
that's only because he smells

like one of those
scented candles.

The tables where kids play Ju-Ji-Mon,
that's the realm of the

nerds. Anyone can play there if
they want-- The nerds can't stop

them. But nerds tend to be
really good Ju-Ji-Mon players,

so the other kids are, like,
scared to play there. It's sorta

like a safety zone for nerds.

There's the sandbox.
That's where the little kids play,

because little kids like to
dig-- Who knows why? Maybe

they're hoping to find buried
treasure someday or something.

There's the oasis, where Mary
Maladich and the other girls

are-- Not that I care where
Mary is or anything...

Me and my crew hang out at the
top of the slide so I can see



what's going on in the whole
yard, most of which I control.

But not the stairs.

That's where Frankie and his
jerk-ass crew hang out.

They also control the soccer
pitch, which means if you want

to play there, you have to ask
permission from Frankie and

his crew. And they hardly give
permission to anyone. And that's

what started this whole what
started this whole problem.

Can I help you?

We want to play the winners.

Well, you can't.
The losers of this game are playing

the winners.

But that is not fair.

We don't make the rules.

We just enforce 'em.
You want us to enforce them?

Enforce? I will enforce
your face into my ass!

Fuck is this kid?

Take it easy.
He just arrived from our homeland.

Well, maybe he should get back
on his banana boat, and get back

to his--

Youssef, stop! Not now.

Youssef, that's not how it works in here.
Before we act,

we must first talk to Nick.

He is a good man. Come on.

Nick, they haven't allowed us
to play on the soccer pitch

all year.

It's totally bull crap!

Yeah, I've noticed that.

I was hoping they'd do the right
thing, but I'm not surprised

they're being total jerks.

I knew you would understand.

So that means that you will
make them share the soccer pitch

with us?

Yeah, just give me a couple
of days to set it up.

- No! It must be afternoon recess--
Excuse me.

It must be afternoon
recess today!

It won't be today, but I
promise I'll get you in there.

You just gotta be patient!

Nick, my people have been
patient long enough. You are the

big boss man of the whole yard.

This should be a simple
matter for you.

Being the so-called "big boss
man" isn't as easy as everyone

thinks. It's fucking hard!

All the kids expect me to solve
their problems like that, but

all of these things take time.

They're difficult, they're complicated.
Nobody seems

to understand that.

Bud, I want to get you in there.
I do.

But these things take time.

Stop it with this time!

We are out of time!

It is time.

Nick, what I'm about to do,
I ask for your forgiveness.

- Wedgie--
- Huh? Oh, shit!

Oh, shit! Oh, crap!

Oh, bud... what have you done?

Oh, sh... ahhh!

Desperate times call for
desperate measures, Nick.

Why won't you let bud
and his friends use the soccer

field?

Because they're
a security risk.

What do you mean by that?

Why do you mean, what do I mean?
It's obvious that they're

the ones who attacked us.

Yeah, they didn't
even attack us face-to-face.

- They hid like
little scaredy-cats.

- They hid like little scaredy-
fucking-mice running into

a fucking hole the fucking wall.

We did what we did because they
took away all the other option.

How does that make you feel?

This game is like a religion
to us, and they are denying our

rights to practice our religion.

It's like they think they own
the soccer pitch, but only God

owns the soccer pitch.

The soccer field belongs to us.

- Yeah, it's our
God-given right.

The sad part is, they're
only hurting themselves.

Because now in order
to restore the peace,

we have to hurt them.

Yeah, it's called a primitive strike.
I saw it on the history

channel. It's when one country
hits another one first, and hits

them so hard, they
can't hit you back.

Don't you mean
a preemptive strike?

No, primitive.
You hit 'em hard like a caveman.

Or a T-Rex.

What's up?

Just thought you might want
to know, Frankie and his crew

are going to hit back.

Know what they're gonna do?

I don't know, but from the
sounds of it, they're gonna

go after bud and youssef.

What can I do for you, Nick?

I heard you're planning
to attack bud and youssef.

So what if we are?
Look at what they did to us? They water

balloon bombed us on our own
turf, just because we won't let

them on our soccer field.

Who says it's
your soccer field?

What do you mean?

This field has always belonged
to my family. Before me,

it belonged to my older brother, Drago.
Before him, it belonged

to my cousin, Vlad, and he even
donated the bench, so, yeah,

damn fucking right
it belongs to me.

This ball? This ball is my family's blood.
You see these

brown marks? This is my father's
and uncle's blood. They were

"assassined" during little
league finals last year in my

homeland. And because of the
massacre, the game wasn't even

finished. We had to flee the
country the next day, and when

we did, all I brought with me was this ball.
And now, because

of Frankie and his crew, I can't
even play on the soccer pitch.

How is that fair?

Tough shit! That's just the way it works.
And if bud and his

gang think they can change that
by bombing us, they're going

to be sorely mistaken.

Yeah. Real sorely.

Totally sorely.

How do you even know it was them?
I was with bud when it

happened.

All right, Nick.
As usual, I guess you're right. So, if

something were to happen to them
now, it couldn't have anything

to do with me.
I was here with you.

How could you do this to me?

You bastard!
How could you do this to me?

Okay, easy, easy.

Do what? I'm just talking
to my friend, Nick.

Frankie, on my father's life,
Until you

realize our right to share the
soccer pitch, we will continue

to sting you, and sting you
like a swarm of killer bees.

Okay, okay, come on, come on.

What are you gonna
do about it, bud?

Bud, you can't win like this.

They'll just make your
lives miserable.

My friend, they already make
our lives miserable. Besides,

we have a secret weapon.

Hey, bud. Hey, bud.

Bud! What's your secret weapon?

I can show you, but
you must wear this.

This is our secret weapon.

We call him "the bladder",
because his bladder is the size

of a camel's hump, and he has
been eating nothing but

asparagus for the past four days
and drinking gallons w water.

He is ready.

Today, a very stinky rain
will come down on the heads

of Frankie and his crew.

And now you must leave.

I cannot do this part
with people watching.

He is very modest.

It reeks!

We found out that
they got this kid.

He's got a huge bladder.

They kept him in a hideout,
and brought him bottles of

water, and all he did was drink
and eat asparagus. He could fill

like 50 balloons a day.

So then we had to ask ourselves,
where was the fucking

hideout, and where were they
launching the balloons from?

Aw, my mom's gonna kill me!

He kept changing it up, moving it around.
They like to stay

mobile, launching from different
spots, using different methods.

Since we couldn't stop them
from launching their balloons,

we had to stop them from getting
the materials they needed to

make the balloons.
So we cut their water supply down

to a trickle.

Where do you think
you're going?

To the water fountain.

You got a permit?

You don't need a
permit to get water.

You do now.

Says who?

It's the new rule.

So how do you get this permit?

Beats me. Not my department.

Next.

Youssef, no.

Hey, you're cool.

Enjoy your drink.

This is an outrage!

Let's go.

They think they can bring us
to our knees by cutting off

a basic human need-- Water?

Taking off our water supply
just makes us thirstier

for justice!

Do you think they'll
try another attack?

Shit, yeah.
The only question is when.

It's like they're
holding us hostage.

None of us even want to play
soccer anymore, 'cause we're

all too nervous and shit.

Yeah, which isn't fair.

There's only a few of them.

We got the numbers, we got
the strength-- I mean, they

should be nervous, not us.

Yeah, but you are nervous.
I mean, your whole

crew's scared.

I ain't scared of those
skinny fucking foreigners.

Me neither.
I ain't scared of nothing.

Velociraptors.

Just a little.

Ghosts.

Okay, I'm kind of
scared of ghosts.

And bigfoot.

Oh, yeah. Bigfoot.
Well, you're scared of the Ogopogo.

Well, the Ogopogo's a 100-
foot-long sea monster, you idiot!

We are used to living under
the boot of bullies. That just

means we have to use our imagination.
And I have a very

active imagination.

I, too, enjoy imagining things.

Yes, youssef imagines
many very weird things.

Yes, watch. I'll imagine
something right now. Ready?

The whole situation is out of control.
The north africans are

as pissed off as ever, and so is
Frankie's crew. Plus, they're

scared about another attack.

The whole yard's on edge!

Hey, Nick, why
is youssef wearing

a raincoat on a sunny day?

Oh, shit.

What's going on, man?

Stay back.

Why?

Because you are innocent.

Whoa, whoa. Hold on, man.

What's going on? Whatever it is,
it's, it's not worth it. Please,

just think this over.

Nice raincoat, dink.

I respectfully ask you one
Let us share

the soccer pitch.

You're never gonna play
on our soccer field.

It is not yours.

Is too.

Is not is too.

What?

It is God's gift to everyone.

What the fuck are you talking about?
You guys don't even

believe in God.

Do too.

Yeah, but not the right one.

Yeah, your God is gay.

Totally gay.

Is not!!

Yes!

One side hits, the other hits
back worse, and then those guys

want revenge for that, so they
hit back even harder. And then

those guys want revenge for
that, so they hit back even

harder. And it never stops.

It just gets worse.

Youssef got suspended.
Frankie and his grew broke Youssef's arm

and what did they get?
They got one day of detention because

they said it was self-defense.

How do you break a kid's
arm in self-defense?

That's all you got?

And the more they want
to fight, the harder it is for

me to make them stop fighting.

I needed to talk to Mary.

Go, go, go!

Nick has been ignoring me ever
since we, um, you know. So I was

starting to think he was kind of a jerk.
But then he sent me

this note asking me to meet him,
so I started to think maybe

he wasn't a jerk.

Hey.

Hi.

So, I wanted to talk to you.

I wanted to talk to you too.

Oh, really?

Yeah, but you go first.

Okay, well, I wanted to
talk to you about soccer.

What?

But then when we met, I started
to think, maybe he was a jerk.

Again.

What about soccer?

You know all the stuff that's
going on between your brother

and the north africans?

I'm trying to get those guys to
fight it out on the soccer field.

Nick, I don't
care about soccer!

Yeah, but couldn't you pretend
to care as a favour to me?

You're asking me to go against my family?
After the way

you've treated me?

What?

So, how'd it go?

I don't know.
It was like she was, like, mad at me

for something.

Women!

Why?

I don't know.

Maybe because she's a friggin'

nut muncher!

Hey, language!

Yeah, she's not a nut muncher.

Oooh, sorry.

So... so did she agree or not?

Is she gonna help us?

I don't know, j.J.

There!

All grade two
boys are in, Nick.

Grade four boys are in too.

The grade five boys are in.

Right, but what
about the girls?

Still no word, and we need the girls.
Frankie and Mickey won't

just do it because they think
the boys are into it. They'll

only do it if they think
it'll impress the girls.

Bud, how's youssef?

His body's broken, but his
spirit is strong. How are you?

Bud, I'm trying to make it so
you guys can fight it out on the

soccer field in a game
against Frankie's crew.

That's all we ever asked for.

Thank you, Nick.

Well, it's not exactly a done deal yet.
Some things have

to fall into place first.

What's all this fucking
bullshit about a soccer game?

Why? You scared?

Frankie, I just heard you
challenged bud's team

to a soccer game.

That is so awesome.
Wow. Whoever wins this

is gonna be, like, the
coolest kid in school.

I will never...
Understand... girls.

I never understood why those
guys got to call the shots and

hog the soccer fields anyway.

It's not fair. That's stupid!

Nick's plan sounds fair.

Yeah, I'd totally watch that
game, and I don't even give a

crap about soccer.
It's boring, and no one ever scores. But I

would love to watch Frankie get served.
It would be like, unh!

Suck it, Frankie!

The reason I want to be a
doctor is because I don't

believe people should suffer, but
I'd love to see Frankie get

his ass kicked.

So it was all set up.
All bud's team had to do was win.

Come on, ref!

What the fuck?

Come on!

They were out-geared,
out-muscled, out-weighed, but

bud's team played with heart.

Frankie's team just played dirty.
Both sides fought hard,

but when the recess bell rang,
the game was still scoreless.

Oh, come on!

Come on!

This is bullshit.

Come on!

So the game was
continued at morning recess

the next day.

Run! Run!

Come on, guys!

But nobody scored then
either, so it was continued

at lunch.

And no one scored then either, so
it was continued next recess.

The match went on for three whole days.
It was as hot as

a hot dog, and Frankie's team
looked like they were running

out of steam.

But just when it looked like
bud's team had the game

in the bag, Frankie found a way
to change the rules of the

to change the rules of the
game.

What the fuck?

That's it. Game over.

You lose.

What?

What do you mean?

We can't play, which means
you lose, unless you've got

another ball.

Bullies don't play by the rules.
They play dirty,

which is why sometimes it seems
like it's damned near impossible

for rule-abiding kids to win.

But every once in a while,
things do go the right way.

I've got a ball.

Game on, my main man!

You know, most kids
didn't think bud's team was

gonna win, but I did.

Well, what made
you think they'd win?

Frankie's team was playing
for greed; Bud's team was

playing for justice, so it meant more to them.
Most kids didn't

think about that, which is
why I got most kids to bet

against them.

You get money on the game?

Aw, hell yeah. Lots of money,
like, half my paper route money.

Hey, a man's gotta feed his
family, and I got a big family.

Thanks for meeting me again.

Whatever.

I got something for you.

- Um...
- It's a pizza.

Thanks... what's it for?

Well, you helped me out.

I wanted to say thank you.

Yeah, well, I
almost didn't do it.

Why not?

'Cause you were
such a jerk to me.

What are you talking about?

I didn't do anything.
I didn't even talk to you.

Exactly.

Do you understand girls?

Um... uh... no.

It just goes to show you, even
when you're dealing with violent

people, you can have a peaceful solution.
Kids are always gonna

get into fights, right?
There's no stopping that, but all we can

do is try to make the fight fair.
And that's what we did,

and it worked. Problem solved.

Hold up there, Mohammed.

Not so fast, "Playa".

What is the problem here?

The thing is, there's a bit of a new rule.
You see, we were

concerned, because a few of your
guys got roughed up in that last

game, and so, for your own
protection, we talked to the

teachers, and they said that
from now on, in order to avoid

any more injuries, everyone has
to wear protective equipment.

You got protective equipment?

No...

Can you get your dad to buy you some?
Oh wait, I forgot--

Your dad's dead.

Wow.

♪ A soldier fought
until he fell ♪

♪ out on some foreign
battlefield ♪

♪ and now he's standing
'round the throne ♪

♪ lord another soldier gone ♪

♪ I said another soldier gone ♪

♪ gone ♪

♪ gone away ♪

♪ gone on home ♪

♪ another soldier gone ♪

♪ di a and left us ♪