The West Wing (1999–2006): Season 1, Episode 4 - Five Votes Down - full transcript
When an admittedly weak gun-control bill the White House has been backing turns out to be five votes short of House passage, Josh makes deals and threats to several Democratic reps, while Leo appeals to Hoynes for help. Elsewhere, while working the bill, Leo misses his anniversary, which he tries in vain to atone for, but eventually his wife Jenny decides to leave him.
Previously:
A quote will disappear. A fight
with the vice president's got juice.
- I've had it up to here with you!
- Don't do what you're doing, John.
- A picture.
- Picture of us...
- ...and someone's drawn over my face.
- That was me.
His mother was a cop.
- Was?
She was killed five months ago.
She's recommending you.
- If I can ask...
- Aide to the president.
What do you say?
Want to help?
Yes, sir, I do.
One night he set the
briefcase down and he said, "Bess...
...why do you suppose only sons
of bitches know how to lick a stamp?"
The point is...
...you've got to write a letter,
send a fax...
...call Western Union, contact
your congressional representatives...
- ...say, "I've got a friend.... "
- McGarry here.
"I've got a neighbor
whose friend is dead...
...whose kids are dead. "
- What are you talking about?
"I want to know. "
How did it happen?
How did the wheels
come off this thing?
You gotta ask them!
You gotta ask them!
- We lost five votes.
- What?
- We lost five.
- Give me names.
- I don't got them. Get on the phone.
- Oh, man.
I had a civil procedure professor
who said....
Take a beat. There you go.
"When law is on your side, argue law,
and when facts are, argue... "
It's not in cement.
"... you don't have the law or facts...
... bang on the table
as loud as you can!"
Well, we've got the law
on our side now!
And we've got facts
on our side now!
This is Josh Lyman.
Call me. I need to know what happened.
We're not listening!
We're not having it!
We're going to win on Wednesday!
Thank you all. God bless you,
and God bless America!
- Fantastic!
- Thank you.
- Good job. You didn't like it.
- It was fine.
- Better than "fine. "
- It was good.
- It was outstanding!
- He blew the "D" section.
- They're cheering.
- It was fine.
- Sam. Nice going.
- Thank you.
- Tell him.
- Why?
Sam wrote two paragraphs
and I wrote 37 pages.
Still!
- He blew "D. "
- It was inspired.
- Why do you say that?
- So your face turns color.
C.J.?
- Your fan club was out tonight.
- They like my tux.
- Do I have a large neck?
- What?
- Because one of...
- Stop!
- What?
- Look calm while I tell you.
- Tell me what?
- We lost five.
- What?
- 802. Five votes jumped the fence.
- Are you kidding me? Are you kidding?
- Nice job looking calm.
Last count, we're five votes down.
- What happened?
- Don't know.
- Give me names.
- We're finding out.
- Hi there.
- Hi.
- "Happy days are here again"?
- The president likes it.
- We avoid him making those decisions.
- I made it.
Right. You might rethink
marrying the lines:
"Kids are dead,"
"Happy days are here again. "
- It's optimistic.
- I'll say.
Thank you. Good night.
- Toby? What'd you think?
- Sir?
- I thought my work was outstanding.
- I thought you would.
Thanks for asking.
You improvised in the "D" section.
- You noticed that?
- Yes, I did.
- I did a little polish up there.
- Indeed.
In front of everybody.
I looked over once. I expected
to see you coming at me with a fork.
- But for agents holding me...
- Thank God for the Secret Service.
Hey there! She deserves
a nice room and supper!
- You like doing that, don't you?
- Yeah.
- Charlie?
- Yes?
- What'd you think?
- Me?
- Yes, you.
- I...
He means the text,
discounting the "D" section.
I mean the entire speech,
in particular the delivery.
- It was excellent.
- See?
Charlie's trying to say
that the singer outdistanced the song.
What I heard
was the text was user-proof...
...though you tried
to disprove it in "D. "
Know what? You're what
my mother calls a pain in the ass.
That's what my mother
calls it too, sir.
- Mr. President.
- Did the first lady call?
She wished you luck
and said to take your back medicine.
- My back's fine! I get goofy!
- I have it here, sir.
She was adamant.
Her tone...
No need to describe her tone.
We're married.
- I don't want...
- Give me the medicine.
Thank you. I'll see you
in the morning.
- Yes, sir.
- Thank you all.
We love you, Josh!
- Thanks.
- It helps not to know him.
Good to go! Move it out!
Your food's getting cold.
Want me to bring it?
I've never had dumplings this good.
- Is mine cold?
- We ate yours.
- You have to try this.
- Try this.
- Here it comes.
- Mm. Oh, Sam.
Try the General Cho's chicken.
- And the Kung Pao. With the sauce.
- With the sauce.
- That's delicious.
- You didn't try it with the sauce.
Will the two of you shut up?
Want to try spicy beef?
I'm happy with my food.
- Botrell?
- No, it's not Botrell.
I've only got two,
but Botrell isn't one of them.
- Katzenmoyer and Wick.
- I'd have called that.
Slide me a soda, please.
Everyone's someplace else.
I got O'Bannon.
- That's three.
- Who'd you get?
- Katzenmoyer and Chris Wick.
- Chris Wick?
- It's a mistake. Who told you?
- The minority whip.
No way Wick jumps the fence.
The president just told
anyone who reads a paper...
...we're gonna pass 802 on Wednesday.
So we've got a 72-hour fight.
- Without noise.
- We care about noise?
Two things you never let people
see you make:
- Laws and sausages.
- Got it.
- Don't involve the president.
- Right. This is us.
What's the press talking about?
- Financial disclosure.
- Again?
- Again.
- What are you worth?
I own this tuxedo,
and I've got 23 bucks.
- That's good.
- Disclosure, it is.
- No, I mean, that's good.
- She's right.
Feed them human interest,
not "disclosing assets. "
People will like reading
that you don't have any money.
- It's humiliating, isn't it?
- They'll love you for being broke.
Women can't get enough
of my 1993 Dodge Dart.
How do we get the votes?
Set aside Wick, someone's wrong.
Katzenmoyer and O'Bannon, I buy.
I guess the others are Tillinghouse,
Lebrandt. We'll hear tomorrow.
They'll vote together,
so we only need one.
Either one, and it should be
Tillinghouse, we need help.
Yeah.
- Who? Who?
- You're not gonna like it.
- The vice president.
- No way.
- Tillinghouse and...
- No!
- I have to say...
- What time is it? I've got 2:00.
- 2:00.
Somebody pay?
I got it.
- Turn in a receipt. I'm going home.
- Beautiful work.
- Thanks!
Two and a half paragraphs,
37 pages.
- Where have you been?
- What do you mean?
The event was over at 10:30. I thought
you were coming straight home.
I'm really sorry, Jenny.
- What happened?
- We're five votes short on 802.
What can you do at 2 a.m. that you
can't during business hours?
I can do things. I wake people up.
I meet with key staff. It's a long...
Leo.
Come to bed.
Yeah. I'll be right up.
What's this?
It's a wristwatch.
- For me?
- Yeah.
- From you?
- Yeah.
For what?
Our anniversary.
Come to bed.
It's unusual, don't you think?
I honestly couldn't say.
- I'm saying, owning one stock issue.
- Yes.
It's pretty unusual.
And I'm saying, I couldn't say.
I have no education in stocks.
I'm a speechwriter.
You're communications director.
You...
I can't say!
Ask the treasury secretary.
- Ask the Federal Reserve. I'm a novice.
- Toby.
I have never owned stock
until last year.
- What made you buy it?
- I liked the company.
- $5,000 worth?
- That's right.
And now the stock is worth $125,000?
Leela, I'm as surprised as anybody. I
didn't know till my accountant called.
Did you know 71 %%% of the increase
happened after McGreggor...
...testified on the future
of Internet stocks?
Of course I didn't.
I never pay any attention to...
- Yes?
- Excuse me.
- Sam says they got all five.
- Tillinghouse? Thank you.
The counsel is...
I've got 48 hours to a crucial vote.
Is there a way...?
You arranged for McGreggor
to testify in the first place.
I grew up with Ted McGreggor.
He's well-respected.
I understand.
But analysts attribute the jump
of the stocks to the testimony of...
...among others, your boyhood friend.
Are you telling me you didn't know
what he was gonna say?
Not only didn't I know what he was
gonna say...
...not only didn't I care what he was
gonna say...
...but if he had sat here
while I typed his testimony for him...
...I wouldn't have understood
what he was gonna say!
- Toby.
- What?
- Friend to friend.
- Yeah.
You know that conspiring to manipulate
the market in any way...
...is a federal crime, right?
- Should I talk to a lawyer?
- Toby.
I'm saying you're talking to one now.
What's the range we're talking about?
Congratulations.
- Thanks.
- Why congratulations?
- I don't know.
The range? Votes are expensive.
O'Bannon's gonna want farm subsidies.
Katzenmoyer will want
tax exempt for Metrolink.
We're talking unions,
defense contracts.
- We need to answer the question.
- Which question?
How we get votes
without giving away everything.
- Congratulations.
- Thanks.
We give away nothing.
- We can't.
- Nothing.
L.B.J. never would have taken
this crap.
He'd have said, "You're voting my way
so I might remember your name. "
We need to win. We take a victory
lap. That's how we get momentum.
We'll be tough and give away nothing.
That's what I'm taking to Leo.
- And Chris Wick?
- Wick? I own his ass.
I'm being mocked.
- Congratulations.
- What did I do?
You won for best gift
on the disclosure report.
- Really? What won it for me?
- Yeah.
$1189 silk smoking jacket
from Miss Sarah Wissinger.
Ah, yes.
You're also the runner-up with
the $345 cigarette holder...
- ...also from Sarah Wissinger.
- Sarah was fond of me.
I imagine, with those,
you were quite the dandy.
This was fun, but we're busy...
....and you have typing,
so we'll talk later.
I'll take care of Wick.
- Where are you going?
- Where are you going?
- I was following you.
- I was following you. All right.
- Don't tell anyone this happened.
- Sam.
I've got a problem.
Get Dom or Cristal. She likes both.
- Which do you like?
- I don't drink champagne.
Put it in a high hat.
- What's that?
- It's a silver bucket on a tripod.
- It should all be under silver.
- They'll know what that means?
- Music?
- I'll put on a record.
- You don't want a violinist?
- To play a violin?
- Is that what people get?
- It's available.
No. After it wears off, there's just
a guy with a violin in my house.
- Winston's sending the choker?
- This afternoon.
- It's the right size?
- We hope.
- She's got a great neck.
- It'll call attention to it.
- Stop!
- You spend too much money.
You can squeeze a nickel
better than anyone I know.
Excuse me for not making
40,000 a pop on the lecture circuit.
Stop reading the disclosure reports!
They'll be in the paper
in two days.
- Leo.
- Josh.
- Do women like violinists?
- Thinking about lessons?
- No, to listen to at the table.
- Gets weird after a minute.
- That's what I thought.
- Birthday?
I forgot our anniversary.
- Then I'd bring on a string quartet.
- Call the guy.
Perhaps Mrs. McGarry would enjoy you
in a nice smoking jacket.
- Leave.
- Call the guy.
- I'm going to Katzenmoyer.
- What'll you give him?
A wake-up call.
I want to kick his ass.
- Want to dangle his job?
- Yeah. Let him hear the branch creak.
- It doesn't work, we can't try again.
- Then I back off.
Then Katzenmoyer and O'Bannon
order off the menu.
If it does work, we get the other
votes, no problem, when it gets out.
I should sell tickets to this meeting.
You've got to understand
my district, Josh.
Your constituents like the TEC-9,
do they?
They go quail hunting with an Uzi?
I won with 52%%% of the vote.
Soon as I'm sworn in, I need
$10,000 a week for reelection.
- You're not doing so well.
- I'm averaging $6,500. I squeak by.
If the NRA makes me a target,
I lose, plain and simple.
Ask me in two years, I'll be there.
55,000 more people will be killed
with guns in two years...
- ...but that's beside the point.
- What is your point?
Forgive my bluntness,
and with all due respect...
...but vote yes, or you won't be
on the ballot in two years.
- How?
- You'll lose the primary.
- There's no one else.
- Sure, there is.
Who?
Whomever we pick.
You're bluffing.
Okay.
I'm in your own party!
It's not doing us much good, is it?
You'd go to the press
and endorse a challenger?
No. We're gonna do it in person.
You won with 52%%%, but the president
won your district with 59.
I think it's time we say thanks.
Know how much noise Air Force
One makes when it lands?
We'll have a party.
It will be great.
When the melon's done, in the
town square... You got a band gazebo?
- Josh...
- We'll build one. In this gazebo...
...the president will drape his arm
around an assistant D.A.
Have your camera to get a picture.
That's the moment you're finished
in Democratic politics.
President Bartlet's a good man.
He's got a good heart.
He doesn't hold a grudge.
That's what he pays me for.
- $125,000.
- Could you stop saying that?
Sure.
- How much trouble am I in?
- There's two kinds:
- Actual and P.R.
- Talk about actual.
You're in no actual trouble.
Absolutely not.
- Good.
- Hire a lawyer anyway.
- Why?
- You've committed a felony...
...punishable by imprisonment
and million-dollar fines.
Let's move from actual trouble
and talk about...
- Perception.
- Yes.
We've done nothing wrong, yet
the perception would be embarrassing.
- And damaging to the president.
- Indeed.
- Why are you talking like this?
- I'm reminded of a young deputy...
...who took grief because
of a woman he was friends with.
- I backed you on that!
- That's why I'm helping.
It's like helping my older brother.
I'm your guy on this.
- What's your confidence level?
- None.
- Who knows?
- Anyone who saw the report.
- Everybody has it, but you...
- Excuse me?
I was going to lunch, and I'm short.
You wouldn't happen to have
$125,000 I could borrow, would you?
- I got your back on this, buddy.
- I'm so completely screwed.
A $145 Armani cravat,
which I'm pretty sure is a necktie.
It was a gift which he gave away.
The president would
prefer his brother-in-law not know.
C.J., I'm curious about his Manchester
farm. The value increased $750,000.
- Why?
- Secret Service improvements.
- Can you go into detail?
- A helipad...
...and the ability to run a global war
from the porch.
That's all for now. Later we'll
do Deputy Chief of Staff Josh Lyman.
I assure you, you'll want to save
column inches for this one.
- Thanks.
- They can't get enough of you.
I got Katzenmoyer.
And O'Bannon and Lebrandt.
- You got three!
- Wick's waiting now. I'm not worried.
- Worried about Tillinghouse?
- I need the vice president.
- Leo's got to lighten up on that.
- Get Wick, then we'll deal with it.
Josh.
- Yeah?
- Chris Wick is waiting.
- I know.
He's been here 20 minutes. You have
a meeting, then the Asia briefing.
- I know.
- This conversation was a reminder.
It served as a waste of time.
Keep up the good work.
- Congressman.
- Dude.
Could you wait outside?
We want to talk about old times.
- Go ahead.
- Thanks a lot.
Could you close the door, please?
- Is a staff supposed to impress me?
- Josh.
I told the minority whip he was crazy.
No way is Wick jumping the fence.
Do you know how stupid I look?
- About that, dude...
- Shove it, dude. This isn't a frat.
What the hell?
Name the weapons banned in the bill,
and why they should be legal.
- I should have called...
- Start here. Name the weapons.
- Let me...
- You don't know.
- Not true.
- MAC-90?
- Listen...
- The PCR, MFR? Any ring a bell?
My aides are...
They're copycats of the AR-15
banned two years ago.
- Calm down.
- They just changed grips!
How about the PAT-Maxi?
- A semiautomatic... Yes, I'm trying...
- A grenade launcher!
I realize not everyone
shares my view of the world.
And with gun control, I accept
a lot of viewpoints as valid...
...but we can get together
on a grenade launcher!
I put you in your seat!
I got you elected!
Now you guys think I'm on the leash.
I'm taken for granted. I have one
photo with the president.
Me and 16 other freshmen.
That makes me weak.
You're not serious.
I've been here over a year.
Where's the courtship?
It isn't ego. A relationship with the
White House is currency. I need some.
You're voting down a measure to
restrict sales of deadly weapons...
...because nobody invited you
to the cool kids' table?
Got your attention.
I'm so sick of Congress I could vomit.
What do you want?
A round of golf.
- He doesn't play.
- What does he play?
- Chess.
- Over brandy.
A couple of photographers,
and we're fine.
- He's gonna kick your ass, you know.
- Whatever.
- I don't appreciate you...
- You're a congressman.
You have to make that real.
This time it was me.
You do not want to have this
conversation with the guy next door.
You guys take care.
- Wow!
- Wow is right.
- It is so beautiful.
- Excellent choice, my friend.
Stop looking at me like that.
You're talking about Jenny.
It should flatter her neck
and please you.
- Can I try it on?
- No.
Can I rub it?
- No.
- Could we talk about me?
Think I'll stretch it?
I've got four of five.
We need the vice president
to get Tillinghouse.
- We agreed.
- No.
It needs a Texan.
I'll go to Richardson.
- We've been through this with him.
Let's not get the caucus
more pissed off.
- I'll talk to him alone.
- Do it quietly and right now.
- Margaret.
- Then call me.
- Yes, sir?
- I need to see Mark Richardson.
You could afford to buy
one of those now if you want.
There's no one in the world
I don't hate right now.
Let me guess.
Josh got them back in the boat.
You came to me because
you don't want to use Hoynes.
- We need this one, Mark.
- I'm voting no, Leo.
It's all we could get now.
You didn't work hard enough. What
happened to the TEC DC-9, the TEC-22?
What about the Striker 12?
- We had to lose them.
- You never fought for them.
We have to do this inch by inch.
- No, I know how you guys work.
- That is out of line.
Guns are number one to me. I've never
moved the president off that.
Keeping the White House strong
is number one.
If it isn't strong,
number two doesn't matter.
God. The bodies being wheeled
into emergency rooms are black.
The guns aren't going to Scottsdale.
They go to Detroit and Philadelphia.
African-American men are being
eaten alive by drugs and poverty.
I'm encouraged the White House
has discovered the drug problem.
Your insight is matched only
by the courage displayed in this bill.
Oh, for God's...
Not the 3-inch grip, the 2-inch,
and the 30-round clip, not the 20.
And three days to see if you're crazy,
as if wanting it wasn't a warning.
This is for show.
It's a waste of taxpayer money
to have it signed and photocopied...
...to say nothing of enforced.
I want the guns.
Write a law that saves lives,
I'll sign it.
In the meantime, don't tell me
how to lead black men.
You look like an idiot.
Someone gave you
a year's supply of fruit? Why?
- There are people who like me.
- Why?
It's Leo.
What happened?
He needs Hoynes.
We'll set up a meeting.
We're gonna set up a meeting for you
with the vice president.
Good.
Jenny?
I'm still here.
What's going on?
- Leo...
- What's going on?
- Sorry you went to all this trouble.
- It wasn't any trouble.
I can't do this anymore.
This is crazy. I don't want
to live like this. I can't.
I'm sorry about the anniversary.
It's not the anniversary,
it's everything. It's the whole thing.
This is the most important thing
I'll ever do, Jenny.
I have to do it well.
It's not more important
than your marriage.
It is more important
than my marriage right now.
These few years while I'm doing this,
it's more important than my marriage.
I didn't decide to do this myself.
We discussed...
- You can find the time...
- I'm five votes down, and I must win!
- I met with the staff.
- You made the time.
- I made the time tonight.
- You didn't.
Margaret phoned to confirm your
meeting with the vice president.
I was gonna slip out for 45 minutes
and be right back.
I can't. Really.
I don't suppose we could postpone
this. It's just the past few days...
I have to go now.
Okay.
I'll be at the Watergate.
Okay.
And I'll...
...talk to you later.
- You'll call me?
- Yeah.
You want me to carry that
to the cab?
It's okay.
Call me before you go to sleep.
Okay.
Excuse me, sir?
Leo McGarry's here.
Send him in.
- Good evening, Mr. Vice President.
- Come on in. Thanks, Janeane.
- Thanks.
- Why did you need to see me?
I came in to talk to you about 802.
We lost five votes.
I know.
We got four of them back,
but I was stupid with Richardson.
Now it's Tillinghouse.
I came in to talk to you about that.
Are you feeling okay?
Sit down. Come on, sit down.
Jenny and I are splitting up, it just
happened, and I'm feeling a little....
- Janeane?
- If I could have a glass of water.
Can you get me a glass
of ice water, please?
It's going to be fine.
These things happen.
Yeah.
- Do you want to talk about it at all?
- No.
Thank you.
- Anyway....
- I'll see Tillinghouse.
- Yeah?
- I'll see him tomorrow morning.
- You'll deliver him?
- It's done.
I don't need to tell you
we need this win.
I think we're home.
Thanks, John. I want you to know
the president and I appreciate it.
Leo, you mind if I ask you a question?
What?
When was the last time
you went to a meeting?
A.A.?
- What meeting could I possibly go to?
- Mine.
Tell me you are not
showing your face...
I have got my own meeting.
Every week.
The downstairs office
here at 11:00 p.m.
There are nine of us.
Three senators, two secretaries, one
federal judge and two agency directors.
There's an agent outside.
It looks like a card game.
- Do I have enemies in that room?
- All our people.
I had no idea.
Neither will anyone else.
You should think about it.
- Now, are you driving?
- No, I've got my guy.
Good. Have a good evening.
Sorry about Jenny.
Call me after Tillinghouse.
It's in the bag.
- Good night, John.
- Good night, Leo.
- Hi there.
- How you doing?
Sarah Wissinger?
A smoking jacket and a cigarette
holder, both declared. I am clean.
- You got these July 3.
- I sense trouble...
- We didn't break up until July 9.
- There it was.
- You got presents?
- You knew I knew Sarah.
I didn't know about presents.
They weren't saying,
"Thanks for sleeping with me. "
Don't talk to me.
- What's going on?
- Hoynes is meeting with Tillinghouse.
The slut gave him the jacket July 3.
I thought a by-product of not dating
would be that you wouldn't yell at me.
That was unrealistic.
Where's the president?
Haven't seen him.
- How'd it go?
- What do you mean?
- Last night.
- Oh, great.
- She liked the choker?
- Yeah.
And the violinist?
You're right. After a few minutes,
it's strange, but....
- She ate it up, so....
- Good.
- Where's the president?
- His back is bad. He canceled.
He'll stay in bed, make some calls.
We should move to my...
Hey.
Mr. President.
I thought you were staying in bed.
No, I feel fine.
Maybe you should get
back to the residence.
Hm?
I said, maybe you should
get back to the residence.
- Maybe you should lie down.
- No need. I'm fine.
- What's going on here?
- Nothing that needs your concern.
An issue regarding
Toby and financial disclosure.
Well, I like to...
...roll up my sleeves...
...and get involved.
Mr. President, did you take
your back pills?
I'll tell you, I was in a little pain.
Which did you take, sir,
the Vicodin or the Percocet?
I wasn't supposed to take both?
We're gonna have someone
take you to bed.
No. Sit.
You've got a problem,
I'm here to help. You're like family.
You've been there for me,
been loyal...
...honest, hardworking, good people.
And I love you,
and I don't say that enough.
Tell me the problem, Toby.
- I'm Sam, sir.
- Sam. Of course you are.
Sir? Sir?
The situation basically is this:
I arranged for a friend to testify
on Internet stocks...
...while, unrelated to that,
I bought a technology issue...
...which, partly due to the testimony,
shot through the roof.
Toby.
Toby, Toby, Toby.
Toby's a nice name, don't you think?
- Can we do this another time?
- No, please. I know my body.
I mean, I know my muscles are not...
But my mind is sharp.
I can focus. I am focused.
You know that about me.
Here's what we ought to do.
- What was I saying?
- Mrs. Landingham?
- We need to run through some options.
Get Charlie.
- What do you mean?
- Let's start with resignation.
- Hot damn! Now you're talking.
- I think she meant me.
Toby's not resigning.
We're making more of this...
- I've got it!
- I've got a lawyer.
Counsel's office releases a statement.
We make it very clear there has been
no wrongdoing of any kind.
But to avoid any impropriety, Toby
agrees to reduce his salary to $1.00.
And cash his stock,
relieving the taxpayer of the burden.
- Done.
- Wait.
- Good, Sam.
- No, it's not. Actually, it stinks.
You're a great writer.
- Thank you. Leo.
- Give me a hug.
Come on, give us a hug.
There you go.
Excuse me?
- Charlie!
- I left you alone for two minutes.
- Charlie's a great name.
Thank you.
You have to go back to bed.
I'm going, I'm going.
Before I go,
please let me just say this.
I'm thinking about getting a dog.
Feel better, Mr. President.
Maybe an Irish setter.
What do you think?
I think that's great, sir.
How do you feel, big guy?
- Like I got screwed with my pants on.
- Excellent.
- This isn't a political maneuver.
- I know.
- I'm voting my conscience.
I know.
You can't put the toothpaste
back in the tube.
240 million guns out there.
How you gonna get them back?
- You can't.
- Course not.
As long as they've got a gun,
I want my wife to have a gun...
...I want my daughter to have a gun,
and I want one too.
Makes perfect sense.
You might want to mention
to Josh Lyman...
...that congressmen don't appreciate
being bullied like schoolchildren.
Yes.
Katzenmoyer, O'Bannon, Lebrandt,
this new kid Christopher Wick...
...these are grown men
with pride and dignity.
- They can't be manhandled.
- They're pissed?
They're screaming bloody murder
and talking about political retribution.
- I don't blame them.
- Reality is reality.
Yes, which is why I'd like very much
for you to do the following.
I want you to vote yes
on the resolution.
- John?
- And you might mention this...
...to representatives Katzenmoyer,
O'Bannon, Lebrandt and Wick.
Why, John, you do seize the moment,
don't you?
You've got a roll call.
Tell me something,
what's in it for me?
Right now? Nothing.
Then why am I handing you
a personal political victory?
Because I'm going to be
president one day, and you're not.
The restrictions
include the Mini-9 and the Ruger 14.
Senior aides hoped this would serve
as a victory for the president...
... but the vice president's receiving
most of the credit.
... quick to praise the vice
president for securing a victory...
... Mark Richardson, a man
seldom at a loss for words...
... had no comment tonight. None.
You have to ask, is it an intentional
snub of his old friend, Jed Bartlet?
- Unbelievable.
I don't believe it.
- Loosen the ketchup, he pops the top!
- And gets the ketchup.
Sorry. You saw this coming.
We got what we deserved.
It was hubris,
and we got what we deserved.
- Good night, everyone.
Good night.
Listen, we won.
Where's the president?
He's asleep.
Wake him.
Toby.
- Wake him now.
- Let's leave it until tomorrow, Toby.
Let's leave it until tomorrow.
There are Democrats on the Hill
with noses out of joint...
Sir, Josh Lyman is here, wondering
if he could see you a moment.
Sure.
- Evening, Mr. Vice President.
- Josh, nice victory.
Talking about the bill
or my smoking jacket?
No, I was talking about the bill.
It's a crappy law.
- No, it is. I know, I helped write it.
- You did well.
It's equal to fighting the war against
tobacco by banning certain matchbooks.
These things happen slowly.
I'd say you did well, sir.
In fact, you may be
the only one who did.
I just came by to say congratulations.
Mr. Vice President?
Right, Janeane. I'm on my way.
- Josh.
- Yes, sir?
Welcome to the NFL.
Something I can help you with,
Mr. McGarry?
I'm here for the card game.
Thank you.
A quote will disappear. A fight
with the vice president's got juice.
- I've had it up to here with you!
- Don't do what you're doing, John.
- A picture.
- Picture of us...
- ...and someone's drawn over my face.
- That was me.
His mother was a cop.
- Was?
She was killed five months ago.
She's recommending you.
- If I can ask...
- Aide to the president.
What do you say?
Want to help?
Yes, sir, I do.
One night he set the
briefcase down and he said, "Bess...
...why do you suppose only sons
of bitches know how to lick a stamp?"
The point is...
...you've got to write a letter,
send a fax...
...call Western Union, contact
your congressional representatives...
- ...say, "I've got a friend.... "
- McGarry here.
"I've got a neighbor
whose friend is dead...
...whose kids are dead. "
- What are you talking about?
"I want to know. "
How did it happen?
How did the wheels
come off this thing?
You gotta ask them!
You gotta ask them!
- We lost five votes.
- What?
- We lost five.
- Give me names.
- I don't got them. Get on the phone.
- Oh, man.
I had a civil procedure professor
who said....
Take a beat. There you go.
"When law is on your side, argue law,
and when facts are, argue... "
It's not in cement.
"... you don't have the law or facts...
... bang on the table
as loud as you can!"
Well, we've got the law
on our side now!
And we've got facts
on our side now!
This is Josh Lyman.
Call me. I need to know what happened.
We're not listening!
We're not having it!
We're going to win on Wednesday!
Thank you all. God bless you,
and God bless America!
- Fantastic!
- Thank you.
- Good job. You didn't like it.
- It was fine.
- Better than "fine. "
- It was good.
- It was outstanding!
- He blew the "D" section.
- They're cheering.
- It was fine.
- Sam. Nice going.
- Thank you.
- Tell him.
- Why?
Sam wrote two paragraphs
and I wrote 37 pages.
Still!
- He blew "D. "
- It was inspired.
- Why do you say that?
- So your face turns color.
C.J.?
- Your fan club was out tonight.
- They like my tux.
- Do I have a large neck?
- What?
- Because one of...
- Stop!
- What?
- Look calm while I tell you.
- Tell me what?
- We lost five.
- What?
- 802. Five votes jumped the fence.
- Are you kidding me? Are you kidding?
- Nice job looking calm.
Last count, we're five votes down.
- What happened?
- Don't know.
- Give me names.
- We're finding out.
- Hi there.
- Hi.
- "Happy days are here again"?
- The president likes it.
- We avoid him making those decisions.
- I made it.
Right. You might rethink
marrying the lines:
"Kids are dead,"
"Happy days are here again. "
- It's optimistic.
- I'll say.
Thank you. Good night.
- Toby? What'd you think?
- Sir?
- I thought my work was outstanding.
- I thought you would.
Thanks for asking.
You improvised in the "D" section.
- You noticed that?
- Yes, I did.
- I did a little polish up there.
- Indeed.
In front of everybody.
I looked over once. I expected
to see you coming at me with a fork.
- But for agents holding me...
- Thank God for the Secret Service.
Hey there! She deserves
a nice room and supper!
- You like doing that, don't you?
- Yeah.
- Charlie?
- Yes?
- What'd you think?
- Me?
- Yes, you.
- I...
He means the text,
discounting the "D" section.
I mean the entire speech,
in particular the delivery.
- It was excellent.
- See?
Charlie's trying to say
that the singer outdistanced the song.
What I heard
was the text was user-proof...
...though you tried
to disprove it in "D. "
Know what? You're what
my mother calls a pain in the ass.
That's what my mother
calls it too, sir.
- Mr. President.
- Did the first lady call?
She wished you luck
and said to take your back medicine.
- My back's fine! I get goofy!
- I have it here, sir.
She was adamant.
Her tone...
No need to describe her tone.
We're married.
- I don't want...
- Give me the medicine.
Thank you. I'll see you
in the morning.
- Yes, sir.
- Thank you all.
We love you, Josh!
- Thanks.
- It helps not to know him.
Good to go! Move it out!
Your food's getting cold.
Want me to bring it?
I've never had dumplings this good.
- Is mine cold?
- We ate yours.
- You have to try this.
- Try this.
- Here it comes.
- Mm. Oh, Sam.
Try the General Cho's chicken.
- And the Kung Pao. With the sauce.
- With the sauce.
- That's delicious.
- You didn't try it with the sauce.
Will the two of you shut up?
Want to try spicy beef?
I'm happy with my food.
- Botrell?
- No, it's not Botrell.
I've only got two,
but Botrell isn't one of them.
- Katzenmoyer and Wick.
- I'd have called that.
Slide me a soda, please.
Everyone's someplace else.
I got O'Bannon.
- That's three.
- Who'd you get?
- Katzenmoyer and Chris Wick.
- Chris Wick?
- It's a mistake. Who told you?
- The minority whip.
No way Wick jumps the fence.
The president just told
anyone who reads a paper...
...we're gonna pass 802 on Wednesday.
So we've got a 72-hour fight.
- Without noise.
- We care about noise?
Two things you never let people
see you make:
- Laws and sausages.
- Got it.
- Don't involve the president.
- Right. This is us.
What's the press talking about?
- Financial disclosure.
- Again?
- Again.
- What are you worth?
I own this tuxedo,
and I've got 23 bucks.
- That's good.
- Disclosure, it is.
- No, I mean, that's good.
- She's right.
Feed them human interest,
not "disclosing assets. "
People will like reading
that you don't have any money.
- It's humiliating, isn't it?
- They'll love you for being broke.
Women can't get enough
of my 1993 Dodge Dart.
How do we get the votes?
Set aside Wick, someone's wrong.
Katzenmoyer and O'Bannon, I buy.
I guess the others are Tillinghouse,
Lebrandt. We'll hear tomorrow.
They'll vote together,
so we only need one.
Either one, and it should be
Tillinghouse, we need help.
Yeah.
- Who? Who?
- You're not gonna like it.
- The vice president.
- No way.
- Tillinghouse and...
- No!
- I have to say...
- What time is it? I've got 2:00.
- 2:00.
Somebody pay?
I got it.
- Turn in a receipt. I'm going home.
- Beautiful work.
- Thanks!
Two and a half paragraphs,
37 pages.
- Where have you been?
- What do you mean?
The event was over at 10:30. I thought
you were coming straight home.
I'm really sorry, Jenny.
- What happened?
- We're five votes short on 802.
What can you do at 2 a.m. that you
can't during business hours?
I can do things. I wake people up.
I meet with key staff. It's a long...
Leo.
Come to bed.
Yeah. I'll be right up.
What's this?
It's a wristwatch.
- For me?
- Yeah.
- From you?
- Yeah.
For what?
Our anniversary.
Come to bed.
It's unusual, don't you think?
I honestly couldn't say.
- I'm saying, owning one stock issue.
- Yes.
It's pretty unusual.
And I'm saying, I couldn't say.
I have no education in stocks.
I'm a speechwriter.
You're communications director.
You...
I can't say!
Ask the treasury secretary.
- Ask the Federal Reserve. I'm a novice.
- Toby.
I have never owned stock
until last year.
- What made you buy it?
- I liked the company.
- $5,000 worth?
- That's right.
And now the stock is worth $125,000?
Leela, I'm as surprised as anybody. I
didn't know till my accountant called.
Did you know 71 %%% of the increase
happened after McGreggor...
...testified on the future
of Internet stocks?
Of course I didn't.
I never pay any attention to...
- Yes?
- Excuse me.
- Sam says they got all five.
- Tillinghouse? Thank you.
The counsel is...
I've got 48 hours to a crucial vote.
Is there a way...?
You arranged for McGreggor
to testify in the first place.
I grew up with Ted McGreggor.
He's well-respected.
I understand.
But analysts attribute the jump
of the stocks to the testimony of...
...among others, your boyhood friend.
Are you telling me you didn't know
what he was gonna say?
Not only didn't I know what he was
gonna say...
...not only didn't I care what he was
gonna say...
...but if he had sat here
while I typed his testimony for him...
...I wouldn't have understood
what he was gonna say!
- Toby.
- What?
- Friend to friend.
- Yeah.
You know that conspiring to manipulate
the market in any way...
...is a federal crime, right?
- Should I talk to a lawyer?
- Toby.
I'm saying you're talking to one now.
What's the range we're talking about?
Congratulations.
- Thanks.
- Why congratulations?
- I don't know.
The range? Votes are expensive.
O'Bannon's gonna want farm subsidies.
Katzenmoyer will want
tax exempt for Metrolink.
We're talking unions,
defense contracts.
- We need to answer the question.
- Which question?
How we get votes
without giving away everything.
- Congratulations.
- Thanks.
We give away nothing.
- We can't.
- Nothing.
L.B.J. never would have taken
this crap.
He'd have said, "You're voting my way
so I might remember your name. "
We need to win. We take a victory
lap. That's how we get momentum.
We'll be tough and give away nothing.
That's what I'm taking to Leo.
- And Chris Wick?
- Wick? I own his ass.
I'm being mocked.
- Congratulations.
- What did I do?
You won for best gift
on the disclosure report.
- Really? What won it for me?
- Yeah.
$1189 silk smoking jacket
from Miss Sarah Wissinger.
Ah, yes.
You're also the runner-up with
the $345 cigarette holder...
- ...also from Sarah Wissinger.
- Sarah was fond of me.
I imagine, with those,
you were quite the dandy.
This was fun, but we're busy...
....and you have typing,
so we'll talk later.
I'll take care of Wick.
- Where are you going?
- Where are you going?
- I was following you.
- I was following you. All right.
- Don't tell anyone this happened.
- Sam.
I've got a problem.
Get Dom or Cristal. She likes both.
- Which do you like?
- I don't drink champagne.
Put it in a high hat.
- What's that?
- It's a silver bucket on a tripod.
- It should all be under silver.
- They'll know what that means?
- Music?
- I'll put on a record.
- You don't want a violinist?
- To play a violin?
- Is that what people get?
- It's available.
No. After it wears off, there's just
a guy with a violin in my house.
- Winston's sending the choker?
- This afternoon.
- It's the right size?
- We hope.
- She's got a great neck.
- It'll call attention to it.
- Stop!
- You spend too much money.
You can squeeze a nickel
better than anyone I know.
Excuse me for not making
40,000 a pop on the lecture circuit.
Stop reading the disclosure reports!
They'll be in the paper
in two days.
- Leo.
- Josh.
- Do women like violinists?
- Thinking about lessons?
- No, to listen to at the table.
- Gets weird after a minute.
- That's what I thought.
- Birthday?
I forgot our anniversary.
- Then I'd bring on a string quartet.
- Call the guy.
Perhaps Mrs. McGarry would enjoy you
in a nice smoking jacket.
- Leave.
- Call the guy.
- I'm going to Katzenmoyer.
- What'll you give him?
A wake-up call.
I want to kick his ass.
- Want to dangle his job?
- Yeah. Let him hear the branch creak.
- It doesn't work, we can't try again.
- Then I back off.
Then Katzenmoyer and O'Bannon
order off the menu.
If it does work, we get the other
votes, no problem, when it gets out.
I should sell tickets to this meeting.
You've got to understand
my district, Josh.
Your constituents like the TEC-9,
do they?
They go quail hunting with an Uzi?
I won with 52%%% of the vote.
Soon as I'm sworn in, I need
$10,000 a week for reelection.
- You're not doing so well.
- I'm averaging $6,500. I squeak by.
If the NRA makes me a target,
I lose, plain and simple.
Ask me in two years, I'll be there.
55,000 more people will be killed
with guns in two years...
- ...but that's beside the point.
- What is your point?
Forgive my bluntness,
and with all due respect...
...but vote yes, or you won't be
on the ballot in two years.
- How?
- You'll lose the primary.
- There's no one else.
- Sure, there is.
Who?
Whomever we pick.
You're bluffing.
Okay.
I'm in your own party!
It's not doing us much good, is it?
You'd go to the press
and endorse a challenger?
No. We're gonna do it in person.
You won with 52%%%, but the president
won your district with 59.
I think it's time we say thanks.
Know how much noise Air Force
One makes when it lands?
We'll have a party.
It will be great.
When the melon's done, in the
town square... You got a band gazebo?
- Josh...
- We'll build one. In this gazebo...
...the president will drape his arm
around an assistant D.A.
Have your camera to get a picture.
That's the moment you're finished
in Democratic politics.
President Bartlet's a good man.
He's got a good heart.
He doesn't hold a grudge.
That's what he pays me for.
- $125,000.
- Could you stop saying that?
Sure.
- How much trouble am I in?
- There's two kinds:
- Actual and P.R.
- Talk about actual.
You're in no actual trouble.
Absolutely not.
- Good.
- Hire a lawyer anyway.
- Why?
- You've committed a felony...
...punishable by imprisonment
and million-dollar fines.
Let's move from actual trouble
and talk about...
- Perception.
- Yes.
We've done nothing wrong, yet
the perception would be embarrassing.
- And damaging to the president.
- Indeed.
- Why are you talking like this?
- I'm reminded of a young deputy...
...who took grief because
of a woman he was friends with.
- I backed you on that!
- That's why I'm helping.
It's like helping my older brother.
I'm your guy on this.
- What's your confidence level?
- None.
- Who knows?
- Anyone who saw the report.
- Everybody has it, but you...
- Excuse me?
I was going to lunch, and I'm short.
You wouldn't happen to have
$125,000 I could borrow, would you?
- I got your back on this, buddy.
- I'm so completely screwed.
A $145 Armani cravat,
which I'm pretty sure is a necktie.
It was a gift which he gave away.
The president would
prefer his brother-in-law not know.
C.J., I'm curious about his Manchester
farm. The value increased $750,000.
- Why?
- Secret Service improvements.
- Can you go into detail?
- A helipad...
...and the ability to run a global war
from the porch.
That's all for now. Later we'll
do Deputy Chief of Staff Josh Lyman.
I assure you, you'll want to save
column inches for this one.
- Thanks.
- They can't get enough of you.
I got Katzenmoyer.
And O'Bannon and Lebrandt.
- You got three!
- Wick's waiting now. I'm not worried.
- Worried about Tillinghouse?
- I need the vice president.
- Leo's got to lighten up on that.
- Get Wick, then we'll deal with it.
Josh.
- Yeah?
- Chris Wick is waiting.
- I know.
He's been here 20 minutes. You have
a meeting, then the Asia briefing.
- I know.
- This conversation was a reminder.
It served as a waste of time.
Keep up the good work.
- Congressman.
- Dude.
Could you wait outside?
We want to talk about old times.
- Go ahead.
- Thanks a lot.
Could you close the door, please?
- Is a staff supposed to impress me?
- Josh.
I told the minority whip he was crazy.
No way is Wick jumping the fence.
Do you know how stupid I look?
- About that, dude...
- Shove it, dude. This isn't a frat.
What the hell?
Name the weapons banned in the bill,
and why they should be legal.
- I should have called...
- Start here. Name the weapons.
- Let me...
- You don't know.
- Not true.
- MAC-90?
- Listen...
- The PCR, MFR? Any ring a bell?
My aides are...
They're copycats of the AR-15
banned two years ago.
- Calm down.
- They just changed grips!
How about the PAT-Maxi?
- A semiautomatic... Yes, I'm trying...
- A grenade launcher!
I realize not everyone
shares my view of the world.
And with gun control, I accept
a lot of viewpoints as valid...
...but we can get together
on a grenade launcher!
I put you in your seat!
I got you elected!
Now you guys think I'm on the leash.
I'm taken for granted. I have one
photo with the president.
Me and 16 other freshmen.
That makes me weak.
You're not serious.
I've been here over a year.
Where's the courtship?
It isn't ego. A relationship with the
White House is currency. I need some.
You're voting down a measure to
restrict sales of deadly weapons...
...because nobody invited you
to the cool kids' table?
Got your attention.
I'm so sick of Congress I could vomit.
What do you want?
A round of golf.
- He doesn't play.
- What does he play?
- Chess.
- Over brandy.
A couple of photographers,
and we're fine.
- He's gonna kick your ass, you know.
- Whatever.
- I don't appreciate you...
- You're a congressman.
You have to make that real.
This time it was me.
You do not want to have this
conversation with the guy next door.
You guys take care.
- Wow!
- Wow is right.
- It is so beautiful.
- Excellent choice, my friend.
Stop looking at me like that.
You're talking about Jenny.
It should flatter her neck
and please you.
- Can I try it on?
- No.
Can I rub it?
- No.
- Could we talk about me?
Think I'll stretch it?
I've got four of five.
We need the vice president
to get Tillinghouse.
- We agreed.
- No.
It needs a Texan.
I'll go to Richardson.
- We've been through this with him.
Let's not get the caucus
more pissed off.
- I'll talk to him alone.
- Do it quietly and right now.
- Margaret.
- Then call me.
- Yes, sir?
- I need to see Mark Richardson.
You could afford to buy
one of those now if you want.
There's no one in the world
I don't hate right now.
Let me guess.
Josh got them back in the boat.
You came to me because
you don't want to use Hoynes.
- We need this one, Mark.
- I'm voting no, Leo.
It's all we could get now.
You didn't work hard enough. What
happened to the TEC DC-9, the TEC-22?
What about the Striker 12?
- We had to lose them.
- You never fought for them.
We have to do this inch by inch.
- No, I know how you guys work.
- That is out of line.
Guns are number one to me. I've never
moved the president off that.
Keeping the White House strong
is number one.
If it isn't strong,
number two doesn't matter.
God. The bodies being wheeled
into emergency rooms are black.
The guns aren't going to Scottsdale.
They go to Detroit and Philadelphia.
African-American men are being
eaten alive by drugs and poverty.
I'm encouraged the White House
has discovered the drug problem.
Your insight is matched only
by the courage displayed in this bill.
Oh, for God's...
Not the 3-inch grip, the 2-inch,
and the 30-round clip, not the 20.
And three days to see if you're crazy,
as if wanting it wasn't a warning.
This is for show.
It's a waste of taxpayer money
to have it signed and photocopied...
...to say nothing of enforced.
I want the guns.
Write a law that saves lives,
I'll sign it.
In the meantime, don't tell me
how to lead black men.
You look like an idiot.
Someone gave you
a year's supply of fruit? Why?
- There are people who like me.
- Why?
It's Leo.
What happened?
He needs Hoynes.
We'll set up a meeting.
We're gonna set up a meeting for you
with the vice president.
Good.
Jenny?
I'm still here.
What's going on?
- Leo...
- What's going on?
- Sorry you went to all this trouble.
- It wasn't any trouble.
I can't do this anymore.
This is crazy. I don't want
to live like this. I can't.
I'm sorry about the anniversary.
It's not the anniversary,
it's everything. It's the whole thing.
This is the most important thing
I'll ever do, Jenny.
I have to do it well.
It's not more important
than your marriage.
It is more important
than my marriage right now.
These few years while I'm doing this,
it's more important than my marriage.
I didn't decide to do this myself.
We discussed...
- You can find the time...
- I'm five votes down, and I must win!
- I met with the staff.
- You made the time.
- I made the time tonight.
- You didn't.
Margaret phoned to confirm your
meeting with the vice president.
I was gonna slip out for 45 minutes
and be right back.
I can't. Really.
I don't suppose we could postpone
this. It's just the past few days...
I have to go now.
Okay.
I'll be at the Watergate.
Okay.
And I'll...
...talk to you later.
- You'll call me?
- Yeah.
You want me to carry that
to the cab?
It's okay.
Call me before you go to sleep.
Okay.
Excuse me, sir?
Leo McGarry's here.
Send him in.
- Good evening, Mr. Vice President.
- Come on in. Thanks, Janeane.
- Thanks.
- Why did you need to see me?
I came in to talk to you about 802.
We lost five votes.
I know.
We got four of them back,
but I was stupid with Richardson.
Now it's Tillinghouse.
I came in to talk to you about that.
Are you feeling okay?
Sit down. Come on, sit down.
Jenny and I are splitting up, it just
happened, and I'm feeling a little....
- Janeane?
- If I could have a glass of water.
Can you get me a glass
of ice water, please?
It's going to be fine.
These things happen.
Yeah.
- Do you want to talk about it at all?
- No.
Thank you.
- Anyway....
- I'll see Tillinghouse.
- Yeah?
- I'll see him tomorrow morning.
- You'll deliver him?
- It's done.
I don't need to tell you
we need this win.
I think we're home.
Thanks, John. I want you to know
the president and I appreciate it.
Leo, you mind if I ask you a question?
What?
When was the last time
you went to a meeting?
A.A.?
- What meeting could I possibly go to?
- Mine.
Tell me you are not
showing your face...
I have got my own meeting.
Every week.
The downstairs office
here at 11:00 p.m.
There are nine of us.
Three senators, two secretaries, one
federal judge and two agency directors.
There's an agent outside.
It looks like a card game.
- Do I have enemies in that room?
- All our people.
I had no idea.
Neither will anyone else.
You should think about it.
- Now, are you driving?
- No, I've got my guy.
Good. Have a good evening.
Sorry about Jenny.
Call me after Tillinghouse.
It's in the bag.
- Good night, John.
- Good night, Leo.
- Hi there.
- How you doing?
Sarah Wissinger?
A smoking jacket and a cigarette
holder, both declared. I am clean.
- You got these July 3.
- I sense trouble...
- We didn't break up until July 9.
- There it was.
- You got presents?
- You knew I knew Sarah.
I didn't know about presents.
They weren't saying,
"Thanks for sleeping with me. "
Don't talk to me.
- What's going on?
- Hoynes is meeting with Tillinghouse.
The slut gave him the jacket July 3.
I thought a by-product of not dating
would be that you wouldn't yell at me.
That was unrealistic.
Where's the president?
Haven't seen him.
- How'd it go?
- What do you mean?
- Last night.
- Oh, great.
- She liked the choker?
- Yeah.
And the violinist?
You're right. After a few minutes,
it's strange, but....
- She ate it up, so....
- Good.
- Where's the president?
- His back is bad. He canceled.
He'll stay in bed, make some calls.
We should move to my...
Hey.
Mr. President.
I thought you were staying in bed.
No, I feel fine.
Maybe you should get
back to the residence.
Hm?
I said, maybe you should
get back to the residence.
- Maybe you should lie down.
- No need. I'm fine.
- What's going on here?
- Nothing that needs your concern.
An issue regarding
Toby and financial disclosure.
Well, I like to...
...roll up my sleeves...
...and get involved.
Mr. President, did you take
your back pills?
I'll tell you, I was in a little pain.
Which did you take, sir,
the Vicodin or the Percocet?
I wasn't supposed to take both?
We're gonna have someone
take you to bed.
No. Sit.
You've got a problem,
I'm here to help. You're like family.
You've been there for me,
been loyal...
...honest, hardworking, good people.
And I love you,
and I don't say that enough.
Tell me the problem, Toby.
- I'm Sam, sir.
- Sam. Of course you are.
Sir? Sir?
The situation basically is this:
I arranged for a friend to testify
on Internet stocks...
...while, unrelated to that,
I bought a technology issue...
...which, partly due to the testimony,
shot through the roof.
Toby.
Toby, Toby, Toby.
Toby's a nice name, don't you think?
- Can we do this another time?
- No, please. I know my body.
I mean, I know my muscles are not...
But my mind is sharp.
I can focus. I am focused.
You know that about me.
Here's what we ought to do.
- What was I saying?
- Mrs. Landingham?
- We need to run through some options.
Get Charlie.
- What do you mean?
- Let's start with resignation.
- Hot damn! Now you're talking.
- I think she meant me.
Toby's not resigning.
We're making more of this...
- I've got it!
- I've got a lawyer.
Counsel's office releases a statement.
We make it very clear there has been
no wrongdoing of any kind.
But to avoid any impropriety, Toby
agrees to reduce his salary to $1.00.
And cash his stock,
relieving the taxpayer of the burden.
- Done.
- Wait.
- Good, Sam.
- No, it's not. Actually, it stinks.
You're a great writer.
- Thank you. Leo.
- Give me a hug.
Come on, give us a hug.
There you go.
Excuse me?
- Charlie!
- I left you alone for two minutes.
- Charlie's a great name.
Thank you.
You have to go back to bed.
I'm going, I'm going.
Before I go,
please let me just say this.
I'm thinking about getting a dog.
Feel better, Mr. President.
Maybe an Irish setter.
What do you think?
I think that's great, sir.
How do you feel, big guy?
- Like I got screwed with my pants on.
- Excellent.
- This isn't a political maneuver.
- I know.
- I'm voting my conscience.
I know.
You can't put the toothpaste
back in the tube.
240 million guns out there.
How you gonna get them back?
- You can't.
- Course not.
As long as they've got a gun,
I want my wife to have a gun...
...I want my daughter to have a gun,
and I want one too.
Makes perfect sense.
You might want to mention
to Josh Lyman...
...that congressmen don't appreciate
being bullied like schoolchildren.
Yes.
Katzenmoyer, O'Bannon, Lebrandt,
this new kid Christopher Wick...
...these are grown men
with pride and dignity.
- They can't be manhandled.
- They're pissed?
They're screaming bloody murder
and talking about political retribution.
- I don't blame them.
- Reality is reality.
Yes, which is why I'd like very much
for you to do the following.
I want you to vote yes
on the resolution.
- John?
- And you might mention this...
...to representatives Katzenmoyer,
O'Bannon, Lebrandt and Wick.
Why, John, you do seize the moment,
don't you?
You've got a roll call.
Tell me something,
what's in it for me?
Right now? Nothing.
Then why am I handing you
a personal political victory?
Because I'm going to be
president one day, and you're not.
The restrictions
include the Mini-9 and the Ruger 14.
Senior aides hoped this would serve
as a victory for the president...
... but the vice president's receiving
most of the credit.
... quick to praise the vice
president for securing a victory...
... Mark Richardson, a man
seldom at a loss for words...
... had no comment tonight. None.
You have to ask, is it an intentional
snub of his old friend, Jed Bartlet?
- Unbelievable.
I don't believe it.
- Loosen the ketchup, he pops the top!
- And gets the ketchup.
Sorry. You saw this coming.
We got what we deserved.
It was hubris,
and we got what we deserved.
- Good night, everyone.
Good night.
Listen, we won.
Where's the president?
He's asleep.
Wake him.
Toby.
- Wake him now.
- Let's leave it until tomorrow, Toby.
Let's leave it until tomorrow.
There are Democrats on the Hill
with noses out of joint...
Sir, Josh Lyman is here, wondering
if he could see you a moment.
Sure.
- Evening, Mr. Vice President.
- Josh, nice victory.
Talking about the bill
or my smoking jacket?
No, I was talking about the bill.
It's a crappy law.
- No, it is. I know, I helped write it.
- You did well.
It's equal to fighting the war against
tobacco by banning certain matchbooks.
These things happen slowly.
I'd say you did well, sir.
In fact, you may be
the only one who did.
I just came by to say congratulations.
Mr. Vice President?
Right, Janeane. I'm on my way.
- Josh.
- Yes, sir?
Welcome to the NFL.
Something I can help you with,
Mr. McGarry?
I'm here for the card game.
Thank you.