The West Wing (1999–2006): Season 1, Episode 5 - The Crackpots and These Women - full transcript
On the series' first "Big Block of Cheese" Day (nicknamed "Total Crackpot Day" by Josh), staffers meet with reps of various organizations causes, e.g., C.J. hosts a group that wants $900 million for a "wolves only" highway. The president has everyone to the residence for a homemade chili party, we learn about Mrs. Landingham's past, and Zoey is introduced to the group, including Charlie, for whom the intro soon becomes fateful (recurring romantic relationship throughout the series).
Previously, on The West Wing:
You never want people to see
how you make laws or sausages.
- I'm voting no.
- It's all we could get now.
You didn't work hard enough.
You have to let me protect you
and the president.
The president doesn't hold grudges.
He pays me to.
There's no one in the world
I don't hate.
Your mom was killed
with a.38 revolver.
We haven't had success yet
having those weapons banned.
- You want to help us?
- Yes, sir.
Oh, man, I'm sorry.
Oh, yeah!
- That's how you do it.
- Game point.
- You look winded.
- I'm fine.
- You want to sit out?
- Why would I do that?
People will be mad if we kill you.
- Game point, let's go.
- Sir...
- I'm playing.
- There's no shame in quitting.
Just admit I'm a better athlete
and slink away.
- Take it out.
- You're playing?
- Take the ball out!
- This is a perfect metaphor.
After you're gone, and poets
write "The Legend of Josiah Bartlet"...
...let them make you a tragic figure.
"He had the tools for greatness...
...but his better angels were silenced
by his obsessive need to win. "
- You wanna play or write my eulogy?
- Honestly?
Mr. Grant?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Who's this?
- I'm making a substitution.
- Grant's a new member of my team.
- A ringer.
Mr. Grant is a federal employee.
It's not that you cheat,
it's how bad you are at it.
- I beg your pardon.
- Toby's got a point.
When did I cheat?
You told us your tennis partner
worked at the American Consulate.
- She did!
- It was Steffi Graf!
I admit that she bore a resemblance...
You think I won't recognize
Steffi Graf when she's serving at me?
She's won championships,
we've seen her photograph.
Be that as it may,
Toby, Josh, Charlie...
...let me introduce
Mr. Rodney Grant...
...from the President's Council
on Physical Fitness.
Game point, let's go!
Whoa, not so fast.
Your name sounds familiar.
Before you joined up the
Council on Physical Fitness...
...which the president would do well
to avail himself of...
...is it possible you played
organized ball?
I used to play a little.
- And where was that?
- I'm sorry?
- Where would that be?
- Duke.
- This guy was in the Final Four!
- Game point, let's go!
I'm taking you to the hole.
You got it!
Let the poets write about
that, Byron.
Charlie, guard the new guy.
- We have a staff meeting.
- I'm going.
- I'm just telling you.
- You see that's where I'm going.
- Isn't it adorable?
- That you seek to control me? Love it.
- Donald hasn't called.
- Who?
Donald.
From the thing.
Can we be clear about my interest...
...in the local Gomers that you see...
...in the free time you create
by not working?
- Excuse me?
- You work very hard.
- And I am?
- Not controlling.
- You have a meeting.
- Okay.
- There's another thing.
- What?
Hang on, here it is.
Leo wants you to meet Lacey
from the NSC in his office.
- Thanks.
- What is it?
This is the White House,
so it's probably not important.
I want you to read this article.
- What's it about?
- Smallpox.
- The disease?
- No, the dessert. Yes, the disease!
- We do it every month.
- We missed a few.
We try to do it
the first of every month.
Twice in 12 months.
- We're behind.
- Behind on what?
It's People Who Want
to Discuss Things...
...That We Could Care
Less About Day.
That sounds goofy.
It's not so bad. Talk to them,
give them a souvenir pen....
- This isn't a waste of time?
- Yes, but it's one of Leo's policies.
- Why?
- Sadly, you're about to find out.
Andrew Jackson, in the main foyer,
had a big block of cheese.
I am making a mental list
of those who are snickering.
Even as I speak,
I'm preparing appropriate retribution.
The block of cheese was huge,
over 2 tons.
It was there
for anyone who might be hungry.
Let's spend our time plotting against
a country that can't defend itself.
Later. Right now I'm talking
about President Jackson.
- You're talking about cheese.
- Sam goes on my list.
- What about Toby?
- I'm unpredictable.
The White House
belongs to the people...
...so Jackson invited those
who wished an audience.
Then he made them eat
2 tons of cheese.
- In that spirit...
- Mandy doesn't go on the list?
- Mandy's new.
- So it's just me on the list?
It is in the spirit of Andrew Jackson
that I ask senior staff...
...to meet with people who have
a hard time getting our attention.
I know the more jaded among you
see this as beneath you.
But listening to the voices of passion
in Americans is beneath no one.
Surely not the people's servants.
- Is it Total Crackpot Day again?
- Yes.
Note that Josh isn't on the list.
- You have a thing right now.
- Yeah.
Hand out those appointments.
- What's up?
- That's for "Total Crackpot Day. "
Second of all,
this is Jonathan Lacey.
Good to meet you.
Mr. McGarry, would you mind?
- I know you're busy.
- What can I do for you?
Keep this card at all times.
- If you lose it, you call us.
- Who's "us"?
I'm sorry, I thought you knew.
I'm with the NSC.
I meant, what's the card do?
It says where to go
during a nuclear attack.
You're kidding me.
We want you
on Air Force One...
...or in an underground bunker
as quickly as possible.
Sure. Well....
Okay, I don't know what to say.
I guess that's it, then.
- If you have questions, call me.
- Sure.
My staff goes with me,
or do they...
Oh, sorry.
You know what, I just got it.
Okay.
I'll stick this right next
to my video club membership...
...and there's no reason
my staff ever has to know about it.
The best thing to do is
to forget about it.
I'll go now.
The rise in the
Producer's Price Index...
...coupled with
the tight labor market...
...have caused inflation concerns.
Are you worried?
No, Helen.
Our economy is fundamentally...
I wasn't Helen there.
I was Sandy King.
-The Miami Herald?
- She moved to the Sun-Times.
- That sounded like your Helen.
- Are you concerned?
Not at all. Our economy
remains fundamentally strong...
...shown by the drop in unemployment.
It's a cause for satisfaction.
A solitary spike in the PPI
is not cause for overreaction.
Also, there's been no increase
in wholesale prices.
If you could see clear
to not answer the question...
...like a professor with a stick up
his butt, that'd be good.
I am a professor with a
stick up my butt, but I'll do my best.
- That's it for the economy.
- Guns.
- We don't need to.
- They'll ask about guns.
I know they'll ask,
I'm saying I'm set.
- A question or two.
- Is it time for my scolding?
- Are we having this argument?
- Sir?
Let's do guns, Sam.
Is there any reason to believe
this weapons ban bill...
- ...will have any reduction in crime?
- Yes. Next.
Mr. Zeigler, you have a follow-up?
We're lucky to get the question
and you blow it off?
- Yes.
- With due respect, may I ask why?
- I'm weak-willed and stupid.
- Let's do this later.
- We talked.
- I talked it over with other people.
- Which people?
- I have lots of other people.
We are missing a huge opportunity.
What's going on?
- We're doing the thing.
- Why aren't you in there?
- I was just going in.
- How are Toby and the president?
- They are having a disagreement.
- A disagreement or a fight?
- It certainly has the potential...
- For God's sake, Toby!
There we go.
Let's go in.
Josh, let's go in.
- Sir?
- I won't say the bill is worthless.
If we can just admit
its weaknesses, why not?
It'll anger the left, energize the
right and the middle will feel played.
Sorry, did you want to answer?
I'd have said, "Because I said so. "
Why take a victory
and declare defeat?
Toby, by changing some words...
- The world moves on a few words.
- Your point?
I have many.
I choose not to make them now.
On behalf of everybody here,
let me say that that's a relief.
- Excuse me, Leo.
- Yes?
My cheese appointment is here...
- ...but the conference takes priority.
- I agree.
No!
You won't get out of it.
- This is an important conference.
- It's unimportant.
- It's about our future.
- It's about not having one lately.
Sam, go.
- Mr. President?
- We're going too.
- Sir?
- We'll pick this up this afternoon.
You're from
United States Space Command.
- Few know about us.
- My first time.
- We're a little nerdy, I'll admit.
- You camouflage it well.
- I'm used to that.
- What can I do?
- In a nutshell?
- So to speak.
We'd like you to pay
more attention to UFOs.
- Are we paying any attention at all?
- No.
We have enough trouble
with the first lady's Ouija board.
I'd like to show the president data...
...on possible
extraterrestrial contact.
- I can't do that.
- Why not?
He'll either yell or laugh at me.
Either way is bad for me.
This morning, at 6:35 a.m...
...air traffic control in Honolulu
picked up a UFO...
...flying east across the Pacific,
towards California.
Navy jets have been in the area...
...and have been unable
to establish visual contact.
These things go unexplained.
Shouldn't you take this
to the president?
- No.
- Again, may I ask why not?
There are levels in
our Air Defense Command.
To jump from a radar officer to the
president skips levels.
- Like what?
- Like the Pentagon and therapy.
- Okay, I can see that...
- No hard feelings...
...but I can't ask the president...
...to put down the budget surplus
because of UFOs.
Something's heading east
over the Pacific.
It's in and out of our radar,
we can't see it.
It's up there right now.
I leave you with that.
I hope that you don't feel
that you've wasted your time.
Here's a pen.
The president isn't wild about
Posner's fundraiser...
...but I think we can't pass.
Where are you on this?
Don't worry about me,
you have to worry about Toby.
- That's why I'm shoring up support.
- I'm in.
They sent pictures
of the Malibu place.
- The one from the primary?
- No, he bought another.
Where did Robert Benigni
push me into the pool?
That was Larry Posner's old place.
- If it gets a vote, isn't it worth it?
- If Benigni could vote here.
Since he's Italian, I'm just a wet
girl in a Donna Karan dress.
I'm the only one
who isn't an economist.
But it seems to me
the annual budget...
...is found either in balance,
in deficit, or in surplus.
I don't know how to tell Congress,
much less 8th grade graduates...
...that there's any in-between.
He's not talking about anything
being off-budget.
- Especially long-term capital outlays.
- You lost me.
In 1991, the budget had a
deficit of $22 billion.
But the national debt rose
from 5.2 trillion to 5.4 trillion...
...in the same year.
That's a debt increase of $188 billion
against a $22 billion deficit.
This is good news.
- You knew those numbers?
- He's freakish.
- Zoey's coming for dinner.
- She's in town?
My daughter's starting Georgetown
after the first.
We're done.
My staff is waiting...
...and they haven't bothered me
for a few hours.
I'm gonna make chili.
I'll make it for everybody.
My friends, my daughter,
my beer and some chili!
You're gonna be the one to cook?
My daughter, Zoey, is down
from Hanover. I'm making chili.
- The first lady...
- She's in Pakistan. I eat what I want.
- I need ingredients.
- What?
- Chili.
- Don't listen to him.
Mrs. Landingham wrote it down.
Give it to the steward.
And send everyone in.
Thank you, Charlie.
How could you remember
that 10 years ago...
...there was a $188 billion debt
increase off a $22 billion deficit?
- God, I was right?
- That's what I thought.
Everyone, come in.
Listen up, everybody.
Zoey's down from Hanover,
I'm making chili tonight.
- Okay.
- Great. Chili.
Let's do this:
Look down at the big seal
in the middle of my carpet.
Now, everybody
look back up at me.
Zoey's down from Hanover,
and I'm making chili.
- That's great!
- Terrific!
See how benevolent I can be...
...when everybody does what I say?
Now, sit down.
I want this meeting
to last three minutes.
I will allow it to last
no more than five.
We're going to California soon.
Larry Posner wants a fundraiser.
- No.
- Why?
The day before,
the president is giving a speech...
- ...on violence in film.
- One he shouldn't give.
- That's beside the point.
- So?
- Posner's movies are violent.
- So is The Godfather.
What you mean to say is
Posner's movies are bad.
I mean to say,
his movies are indicative...
...of a Hollywood that is
excessively, arrogantly violent...
...and is promoting violence
and the disrespect of human life.
We can't admonish them Tuesday
and cash their check Wednesday.
It's Hollywood.
Who gives a damn?
Hang on a second,
Mr. President.
I'm drafting a speech
for the entertainment industry...
...where we come out and say that
much of their product is corruptive.
Are we doing this because we want them
to take moral leadership seriously...
...or because nobody has lost
an election attacking Hollywood?
Why can't we do both?
- It's not hypocritical?
- No, because Sam is right.
It's not that Larry Posner's movies
have sex and violence.
They suck.
They're terrible.
But people see them
because they have sex and violence.
If people stop seeing crappy movies,
Posner would stop making them.
Is that strategy working
in the war on drugs?
We are imploring these people...
...to step up
and not be quite so casual...
...with the awesome influence
they have.
But whenever someone blows thunder
at this ridiculous target...
...it only distracts from the pursuit
of actual solutions!
Let me say one thing.
If I were an actor or a writer
or a director...
...and someone came at me
with lists of things...
...that were American and un-American,
it would sound eerily familiar.
Do I look like Joe McCarthy to you?
Nobody ever looks like Joe McCarthy.
That's how they get in the door.
We seem to have
wandered off the point a bit.
- Yeah, and time's up.
- Thank you, Mr. President.
- Chili tonight!
- Yes, sir.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
- You look a little....
- No, no.
- Know that donut on your desk?
- You ate it?
That was predictable, wasn't it?
- Any word yet on the....
- The thing's still out there.
I had a guy who wants us
to spend more time on UFOs.
- We spend time on UFOs?
- I said that.
After the Ouija board....
I'm closing the door.
CPC picked this thing up on radar.
- Sam.
- Right.
Listen, you're close
with Cathy, right?
- I haven't seen her naked.
- That's not what I'm asking.
She's like my younger sister,
but she's paid and she frightens me.
But I love her.
It's like you and Donna.
Right.
When they gave you the card
and said it's you and not Cathy...
...how did you feel about that?
- Gave me what card?
- The NSC card with directions.
The directions to...?
You, C.J., Toby.
When the NSC guy gave you your cards.
Josh, what card?
Nothing.
I was thinking of a different....
Nothing.
We'd like to tell you about Pluie.
- Who's Pluie?
- I'm glad you asked.
- That's Pluie?
- Yes.
- Pluie's a wolf?
- She is.
And you're gonna
tell me her story?
For 4 years, scientists
tracked Pluie...
...as she made her way from Alberta...
...up and down the Rockies.
She's made 3 round trips
between Canada and Wyoming.
40,000 square miles.
It was an impressive performance...
...considering the impediments
of modern life she had to conquer.
Highways, housing,
forests denuded of trees.
- And the U.S.-Canadian border.
- Sure, no photo ID.
I'm sorry?
That was a joke.
Why does Pluie do it?
Wolves have to breed with many packs
to keep from becoming extinct.
If they breed among themselves,
they'll become genetically weaker...
...endangering long-term survival.
That helps explain Buckingham Palace.
- May we tell you what we propose?
- Sure.
The wolves-only roadway.
The wolves-only roadway?
1800 miles, from Yellowstone
to the Yukon territory...
...with highway overpasses.
- An 1800-mile wolves-only roadway?
- Pluie had to...
How do you teach wolves
to follow road signs?
Our scientists
are working on a plan.
Pluie's gonna get drunk,
wander off the road and eat my cat.
- We don't think that'll happen.
- I don't think this'll happen.
Ranchers don't want wolves
returned to the West.
- Ranchers are killers.
- They aren't.
You should take that back.
Ranchers face falling stock prices,
rising taxes, drought...
...and people eating less beef.
They want to blame something.
I'd rather it be a wolf than us.
Pluie was shot and killed
by a rancher last month.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm not sure you are.
How much would it cost?
That's the beauty part.
With corporate sponsorship...
...the cost to the taxpayer
is only $900 million.
Seriously, how much would it cost?
If we're gonna do this,
why not do it right?
We're not gonna do it.
Sure, there are
other ways to spend.
You think?
What's a better way
to spend the money?
$900 million?
Another war plane or S & L bailout?
How about the nine best schools?
Let's move on
to the grizzly bear.
Can I talk to you?
Did you get him a spot
on Hollywood Squares?
You know Posner's a huge supporter.
I know.
- I came to be nice to you.
- Go ahead.
- I don't like going against you.
- I don't either.
That's you being nice?
I'm glad Rosen
passed on the communications job.
They couldn't have
done better than you.
Excuse me?
You're a better director
than David Rosen would've been.
That's me being nice.
- I asked if I was the first choice...
- Back to this?
...you called me paranoid.
You called me a paranoid nudnik.
For the last time, you weren't the
president's second choice.
- And David Rosen?
- What?
Mandy was in my office.
She said she's happy
Rosen passed on my job.
We'll start in a few minutes.
Give fair warning.
I don't know anything.
Where is this coming from?
Help me with the gun thing.
Hollywood can wait.
Since when do you need help?
Since I became the kid
raising his hand...
...that nobody wants
the teacher to call on.
Just help me, please.
I appreciate you
squeezing me in like this.
I was able to cancel someone.
You shouldn't have,
it's not a big deal.
What's not a big deal?
I'm out of practice.
That comes from
not seeing me for months.
The idea would make the people
I work for nervous.
Why are you here now?
This is gonna sound silly.
There's a magazine article...
A magazine article came out...
...and it said several countries
have stored the smallpox virus.
- Are you afraid you have smallpox?
- No.
Don't laugh.
- I have Ave Maria stuck in my head.
- The Schubert?
Yeah, I've been humming it
to myself all morning.
- Why do you think the Ave Maria?
- Why do you think?
I don't know.
My sister played it over and over,
I don't know how many years ago.
- Your sister who died?
- Joanie.
Why did Joanie play
the Ave Maria in her room?
She liked music.
A lot.
She wanted to be a conductor.
She used to pretend she was
conducting to the music.
Anyway, that, and I was
a little thrown off this morning...
...when they gave me this card.
I was the only one who got one.
I mean, of my friends.
That surprised me.
- Joanie, Toby and C.J.
- Joanie?
- What?
- You named Joanie in there.
You said you got a card
and Joanie didn't.
I meant.... No.
We were just talking about Joanie.
What kind of card?
It was....
There are things I can't discuss.
I'm not withholding anything
I should be emotionally available for.
- Okay.
- Thanks.
Can you talk about it,
but not talk about it?
I gotta go.
- Sorry you canceled an appointment.
- But I did cancel.
- Take off your coat.
- It was impulsive, I wasted your time.
Do you think it's strange
you haven't told me how Joanie died?
- I've told you.
- No, you haven't.
- Sure, I have.
- No.
It's not a big deal.
She was babysitting for me
and there was a fire.
How'd the fire start?
I honestly don't remember.
Something about a popcorn maker.
And the house caught on fire?
- Yeah.
- While Joanie was babysitting you?
Why aren't you dead?
I ran out of the house.
You were just a little boy.
That's what you were supposed to do.
I was knocking,
but you didn't answer.
- I didn't hear the door.
- What are you doing?
I'm ready to brief the president
on the smallpox article.
Forget about that for tonight
and come have some chili.
An NSC staffer gave me a card
with instructions...
...for what to do
in a nuclear attack.
They want me up in a plane or down
in a bunker. They don't want you.
Or Sam or Toby, for that matter.
I didn't want to be friends with you
and have you not know.
Have you been upset about this?
Yes.
You're sweet sometimes,
you really are.
Of course they don't want me,
I'm a press secretary.
They won't be issuing any releases.
Sam and Toby are communications.
And speeches won't be a priority.
Come. Have some fun.
This is a beautiful piece of music.
Do you know this?
I'm Catholic.
Hang on, listen....
That, right there.
It's miraculous.
- Schubert was crazy, you know?
- Yes.
Do you have to be crazy
to create something powerful?
The Cold War is over. There's...
God, C.J.,
it's not gonna be like that.
It's not gonna be the red phone
and nuclear bombs.
- What's it gonna be?
- It's gonna be this.
Smallpox has been gone for 50 years.
No one has an acquired immunity.
It flies through the air.
You carry a 10-foot cloud around you.
If 100 people in New York City got it,
you'd have to encircle them...
...with 100 million vaccinated people
to contain it.
Do you know how many doses
of the vaccine exist here?
Seven.
100 people get it,
we'll have a global emergency...
...that'll make HIV
look like cold and flu season.
It's gonna be a test tube with a
rubber cap that's deteriorating.
A guy steps out of
Times Square station...
Smashes it on the sidewalk.
There's a world war right there.
We'll make more vaccine.
You better hurry.
I'm the only one with a card.
- The president is asking for you.
- In a minute.
You really are very sweet sometimes.
It's all about the fundamentals.
Keep your feet moving on defense.
Pass and get open on offense.
I am a master of the fundamentals.
That is why my team
thoroughly dominated yours.
Didn't hurt having
an ACC Player of the Week.
- Kids don't understand.
- No appreciation for the game.
- Are you drunk?
- No.
- Now, why...
- I just like asking.
- I tell you...
- Give it up. Where's Zoey?
She's in the kitchen.
Wolves don't kill people.
It's a myth.
Now she's become a wolf person?
More people are killed getting change
out of vending machines.
People killed last year
by vending machines: four.
Number of people killed
by wolf attack: zero.
Excuse me.
People die from vending machines?
- Hey, good to see you.
- Mr. President.
I guess we haven't been
getting along too well, lately.
No, I guess not.
- I've been irritating you?
- Yes.
Was David Rosen
your first choice for my job?
Yes.
I'm glad we had this little talk.
I feel a lot better, thanks.
We were up all night
on that one, Toby.
Me and Leo and Josh.
They were screaming at me,
"Governor, it's gotta be Toby. "
I held my ground
and we went to Rosen.
And he wanted to take a partnership
at Salomon Brothers, thank God.
I couldn't live without you.
I mean it, I'd be in the tall grass.
In the weeds.
I know I disappoint you sometimes.
I can sense it.
I only get mad because
you're right a lot of times.
You aren't the kid in class
with his hand up.
Whatever it was you said to C.J.
You are a wise
and brilliant man, Toby.
The other night, on the court,
did you mean what you said?
That my demons were shouting down
my better angels?
Yes, sir, I did.
You think that's
what's stopping me from greatness?
Yes.
I suppose you're right.
I'll tell you what, though.
In a battle between a president's
demons and his better angels...
...for the first time in
a long while...
...I think we might just
have ourselves a fair fight.
Thank you, Toby.
Now, go away.
- Drop the spoon.
- I knew it was you.
- You look good!
- You look like death!
Thanks. I have a new barber.
- I heard you've been nutty today.
- Mind your own business.
- What classes you taking?
- Mind your own business.
- Charlie, you met Zoey Bartlet?
- It's a pleasure, ma'am.
Let's take it back a moment.
This is a girl.
You don't call her "ma'am. "
- Beg your pardon. Did I call you...
- Zoey.
- I should call you Zoey?
- If I can call you Charlie.
- The president...
- That's her father.
You're forbidden from adding
cumin to the chili.
Check to see if he's nearby.
I have certain instructions.
- You're fine.
- Taste this.
- Doesn't it need cumin?
- It needs oregano.
Well, let's get to work.
See you guys.
Maybe the vending machines
fall on them...
...while they're
getting their change.
We can build schools
and protect wildlife at the same time.
- Pluie really got to you?
- He really was very sweet.
Josh, we were looking for you.
- Look at this.
- Look at what, sir?
Nothing makes me feel quite so good...
...as colleagues enjoying each other
outside work.
What were you guys
talking about?
We were talking about these women.
We can't get over these women.
C.J.'s like a '50s movie star.
So capable, loving and energetic.
Look at Mandy over there.
Going punch for punch with Toby...
...in a world that tells women
to sit down and shut up.
She's already won her battle
with the president.
But she's not done.
She wants Toby.
Mrs. Landingham.
Did you guys know
she lost two sons in Vietnam?
Why she serves her country is beyond
me, but she's not missed a day's work.
There's Cathy,
Donna, and Margaret....
There's something that's
been bothering me.
- I know it's an inappropriate time.
- What's on your mind?
I serve the president,
and it's an unforgettable privilege.
I can't keep this.
It's a white flag of surrender.
I wanna be a comfort
to my friends in tragedy...
...and celebrate with them in triumph.
For the times in between, I wanna
be able to look them in the eye.
I wanna be with my friends,
my family...
...and these women.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
Friends, please.
The chili's ready,
I hope you enjoy it.
Since I told you
you would enjoy it...
...I'm reasonably certain
that you will.
The first lady is in Pakistan.
I'm not entirely sure why,
but I've learned...
...it's a good idea not to
ask too many questions.
It seldom leads to anything
but confusion.
I miss her very much, but I'm delighted
our daughter is here.
You know, she's starting Georgetown
in the spring.
This, prior to medical school
and a life of celibacy.
Yeah, right.
It's an incredible adventure.
Four years full of people and
experiences you haven't dreamed of.
Allow me just one minute of business.
I hope by the time
our four years are done...
...we see to it
that anyone who chooses...
...can go to college,
regardless of their economic status.
Here, here.
I hear that today was another one of
Leo's "big block of cheese" days.
You all start out cynical, but there's
always one or two converts a day.
Today was no exception.
C.J. is gonna be up all night...
....writing a position paper on the
necessity of wildlife protection.
C.J., I don't mind the cost
of this wolves-only highway.
It's the segregation.
The ACLU will file a petition
on behalf of reindeer...
...and we're all screwed.
Sam Seaborn had a guy
who spotted a UFO today.
He's been thinking about it
ever since.
It wasn't a ship from another planet,
just another time.
An abandoned Soviet satellite.
Its booster didn't fire
and it couldn't escape Earth's orbit.
A reminder of a time when two powerful
nations challenged each other...
...and then boldly raced
into outer space.
What will be the next challenge...
...that makes us go farther
and work harder?
When smallpox was eradicated...
...it was the greatest humanitarian
achievement of this century.
Surely we can do it again...
...as when our eyes
looked towards the heavens...
...and with outstretched fingers,
we touched the face of God.
Here's to absent friends...
...and the ones that are here now.
You never want people to see
how you make laws or sausages.
- I'm voting no.
- It's all we could get now.
You didn't work hard enough.
You have to let me protect you
and the president.
The president doesn't hold grudges.
He pays me to.
There's no one in the world
I don't hate.
Your mom was killed
with a.38 revolver.
We haven't had success yet
having those weapons banned.
- You want to help us?
- Yes, sir.
Oh, man, I'm sorry.
Oh, yeah!
- That's how you do it.
- Game point.
- You look winded.
- I'm fine.
- You want to sit out?
- Why would I do that?
People will be mad if we kill you.
- Game point, let's go.
- Sir...
- I'm playing.
- There's no shame in quitting.
Just admit I'm a better athlete
and slink away.
- Take it out.
- You're playing?
- Take the ball out!
- This is a perfect metaphor.
After you're gone, and poets
write "The Legend of Josiah Bartlet"...
...let them make you a tragic figure.
"He had the tools for greatness...
...but his better angels were silenced
by his obsessive need to win. "
- You wanna play or write my eulogy?
- Honestly?
Mr. Grant?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Who's this?
- I'm making a substitution.
- Grant's a new member of my team.
- A ringer.
Mr. Grant is a federal employee.
It's not that you cheat,
it's how bad you are at it.
- I beg your pardon.
- Toby's got a point.
When did I cheat?
You told us your tennis partner
worked at the American Consulate.
- She did!
- It was Steffi Graf!
I admit that she bore a resemblance...
You think I won't recognize
Steffi Graf when she's serving at me?
She's won championships,
we've seen her photograph.
Be that as it may,
Toby, Josh, Charlie...
...let me introduce
Mr. Rodney Grant...
...from the President's Council
on Physical Fitness.
Game point, let's go!
Whoa, not so fast.
Your name sounds familiar.
Before you joined up the
Council on Physical Fitness...
...which the president would do well
to avail himself of...
...is it possible you played
organized ball?
I used to play a little.
- And where was that?
- I'm sorry?
- Where would that be?
- Duke.
- This guy was in the Final Four!
- Game point, let's go!
I'm taking you to the hole.
You got it!
Let the poets write about
that, Byron.
Charlie, guard the new guy.
- We have a staff meeting.
- I'm going.
- I'm just telling you.
- You see that's where I'm going.
- Isn't it adorable?
- That you seek to control me? Love it.
- Donald hasn't called.
- Who?
Donald.
From the thing.
Can we be clear about my interest...
...in the local Gomers that you see...
...in the free time you create
by not working?
- Excuse me?
- You work very hard.
- And I am?
- Not controlling.
- You have a meeting.
- Okay.
- There's another thing.
- What?
Hang on, here it is.
Leo wants you to meet Lacey
from the NSC in his office.
- Thanks.
- What is it?
This is the White House,
so it's probably not important.
I want you to read this article.
- What's it about?
- Smallpox.
- The disease?
- No, the dessert. Yes, the disease!
- We do it every month.
- We missed a few.
We try to do it
the first of every month.
Twice in 12 months.
- We're behind.
- Behind on what?
It's People Who Want
to Discuss Things...
...That We Could Care
Less About Day.
That sounds goofy.
It's not so bad. Talk to them,
give them a souvenir pen....
- This isn't a waste of time?
- Yes, but it's one of Leo's policies.
- Why?
- Sadly, you're about to find out.
Andrew Jackson, in the main foyer,
had a big block of cheese.
I am making a mental list
of those who are snickering.
Even as I speak,
I'm preparing appropriate retribution.
The block of cheese was huge,
over 2 tons.
It was there
for anyone who might be hungry.
Let's spend our time plotting against
a country that can't defend itself.
Later. Right now I'm talking
about President Jackson.
- You're talking about cheese.
- Sam goes on my list.
- What about Toby?
- I'm unpredictable.
The White House
belongs to the people...
...so Jackson invited those
who wished an audience.
Then he made them eat
2 tons of cheese.
- In that spirit...
- Mandy doesn't go on the list?
- Mandy's new.
- So it's just me on the list?
It is in the spirit of Andrew Jackson
that I ask senior staff...
...to meet with people who have
a hard time getting our attention.
I know the more jaded among you
see this as beneath you.
But listening to the voices of passion
in Americans is beneath no one.
Surely not the people's servants.
- Is it Total Crackpot Day again?
- Yes.
Note that Josh isn't on the list.
- You have a thing right now.
- Yeah.
Hand out those appointments.
- What's up?
- That's for "Total Crackpot Day. "
Second of all,
this is Jonathan Lacey.
Good to meet you.
Mr. McGarry, would you mind?
- I know you're busy.
- What can I do for you?
Keep this card at all times.
- If you lose it, you call us.
- Who's "us"?
I'm sorry, I thought you knew.
I'm with the NSC.
I meant, what's the card do?
It says where to go
during a nuclear attack.
You're kidding me.
We want you
on Air Force One...
...or in an underground bunker
as quickly as possible.
Sure. Well....
Okay, I don't know what to say.
I guess that's it, then.
- If you have questions, call me.
- Sure.
My staff goes with me,
or do they...
Oh, sorry.
You know what, I just got it.
Okay.
I'll stick this right next
to my video club membership...
...and there's no reason
my staff ever has to know about it.
The best thing to do is
to forget about it.
I'll go now.
The rise in the
Producer's Price Index...
...coupled with
the tight labor market...
...have caused inflation concerns.
Are you worried?
No, Helen.
Our economy is fundamentally...
I wasn't Helen there.
I was Sandy King.
-The Miami Herald?
- She moved to the Sun-Times.
- That sounded like your Helen.
- Are you concerned?
Not at all. Our economy
remains fundamentally strong...
...shown by the drop in unemployment.
It's a cause for satisfaction.
A solitary spike in the PPI
is not cause for overreaction.
Also, there's been no increase
in wholesale prices.
If you could see clear
to not answer the question...
...like a professor with a stick up
his butt, that'd be good.
I am a professor with a
stick up my butt, but I'll do my best.
- That's it for the economy.
- Guns.
- We don't need to.
- They'll ask about guns.
I know they'll ask,
I'm saying I'm set.
- A question or two.
- Is it time for my scolding?
- Are we having this argument?
- Sir?
Let's do guns, Sam.
Is there any reason to believe
this weapons ban bill...
- ...will have any reduction in crime?
- Yes. Next.
Mr. Zeigler, you have a follow-up?
We're lucky to get the question
and you blow it off?
- Yes.
- With due respect, may I ask why?
- I'm weak-willed and stupid.
- Let's do this later.
- We talked.
- I talked it over with other people.
- Which people?
- I have lots of other people.
We are missing a huge opportunity.
What's going on?
- We're doing the thing.
- Why aren't you in there?
- I was just going in.
- How are Toby and the president?
- They are having a disagreement.
- A disagreement or a fight?
- It certainly has the potential...
- For God's sake, Toby!
There we go.
Let's go in.
Josh, let's go in.
- Sir?
- I won't say the bill is worthless.
If we can just admit
its weaknesses, why not?
It'll anger the left, energize the
right and the middle will feel played.
Sorry, did you want to answer?
I'd have said, "Because I said so. "
Why take a victory
and declare defeat?
Toby, by changing some words...
- The world moves on a few words.
- Your point?
I have many.
I choose not to make them now.
On behalf of everybody here,
let me say that that's a relief.
- Excuse me, Leo.
- Yes?
My cheese appointment is here...
- ...but the conference takes priority.
- I agree.
No!
You won't get out of it.
- This is an important conference.
- It's unimportant.
- It's about our future.
- It's about not having one lately.
Sam, go.
- Mr. President?
- We're going too.
- Sir?
- We'll pick this up this afternoon.
You're from
United States Space Command.
- Few know about us.
- My first time.
- We're a little nerdy, I'll admit.
- You camouflage it well.
- I'm used to that.
- What can I do?
- In a nutshell?
- So to speak.
We'd like you to pay
more attention to UFOs.
- Are we paying any attention at all?
- No.
We have enough trouble
with the first lady's Ouija board.
I'd like to show the president data...
...on possible
extraterrestrial contact.
- I can't do that.
- Why not?
He'll either yell or laugh at me.
Either way is bad for me.
This morning, at 6:35 a.m...
...air traffic control in Honolulu
picked up a UFO...
...flying east across the Pacific,
towards California.
Navy jets have been in the area...
...and have been unable
to establish visual contact.
These things go unexplained.
Shouldn't you take this
to the president?
- No.
- Again, may I ask why not?
There are levels in
our Air Defense Command.
To jump from a radar officer to the
president skips levels.
- Like what?
- Like the Pentagon and therapy.
- Okay, I can see that...
- No hard feelings...
...but I can't ask the president...
...to put down the budget surplus
because of UFOs.
Something's heading east
over the Pacific.
It's in and out of our radar,
we can't see it.
It's up there right now.
I leave you with that.
I hope that you don't feel
that you've wasted your time.
Here's a pen.
The president isn't wild about
Posner's fundraiser...
...but I think we can't pass.
Where are you on this?
Don't worry about me,
you have to worry about Toby.
- That's why I'm shoring up support.
- I'm in.
They sent pictures
of the Malibu place.
- The one from the primary?
- No, he bought another.
Where did Robert Benigni
push me into the pool?
That was Larry Posner's old place.
- If it gets a vote, isn't it worth it?
- If Benigni could vote here.
Since he's Italian, I'm just a wet
girl in a Donna Karan dress.
I'm the only one
who isn't an economist.
But it seems to me
the annual budget...
...is found either in balance,
in deficit, or in surplus.
I don't know how to tell Congress,
much less 8th grade graduates...
...that there's any in-between.
He's not talking about anything
being off-budget.
- Especially long-term capital outlays.
- You lost me.
In 1991, the budget had a
deficit of $22 billion.
But the national debt rose
from 5.2 trillion to 5.4 trillion...
...in the same year.
That's a debt increase of $188 billion
against a $22 billion deficit.
This is good news.
- You knew those numbers?
- He's freakish.
- Zoey's coming for dinner.
- She's in town?
My daughter's starting Georgetown
after the first.
We're done.
My staff is waiting...
...and they haven't bothered me
for a few hours.
I'm gonna make chili.
I'll make it for everybody.
My friends, my daughter,
my beer and some chili!
You're gonna be the one to cook?
My daughter, Zoey, is down
from Hanover. I'm making chili.
- The first lady...
- She's in Pakistan. I eat what I want.
- I need ingredients.
- What?
- Chili.
- Don't listen to him.
Mrs. Landingham wrote it down.
Give it to the steward.
And send everyone in.
Thank you, Charlie.
How could you remember
that 10 years ago...
...there was a $188 billion debt
increase off a $22 billion deficit?
- God, I was right?
- That's what I thought.
Everyone, come in.
Listen up, everybody.
Zoey's down from Hanover,
I'm making chili tonight.
- Okay.
- Great. Chili.
Let's do this:
Look down at the big seal
in the middle of my carpet.
Now, everybody
look back up at me.
Zoey's down from Hanover,
and I'm making chili.
- That's great!
- Terrific!
See how benevolent I can be...
...when everybody does what I say?
Now, sit down.
I want this meeting
to last three minutes.
I will allow it to last
no more than five.
We're going to California soon.
Larry Posner wants a fundraiser.
- No.
- Why?
The day before,
the president is giving a speech...
- ...on violence in film.
- One he shouldn't give.
- That's beside the point.
- So?
- Posner's movies are violent.
- So is The Godfather.
What you mean to say is
Posner's movies are bad.
I mean to say,
his movies are indicative...
...of a Hollywood that is
excessively, arrogantly violent...
...and is promoting violence
and the disrespect of human life.
We can't admonish them Tuesday
and cash their check Wednesday.
It's Hollywood.
Who gives a damn?
Hang on a second,
Mr. President.
I'm drafting a speech
for the entertainment industry...
...where we come out and say that
much of their product is corruptive.
Are we doing this because we want them
to take moral leadership seriously...
...or because nobody has lost
an election attacking Hollywood?
Why can't we do both?
- It's not hypocritical?
- No, because Sam is right.
It's not that Larry Posner's movies
have sex and violence.
They suck.
They're terrible.
But people see them
because they have sex and violence.
If people stop seeing crappy movies,
Posner would stop making them.
Is that strategy working
in the war on drugs?
We are imploring these people...
...to step up
and not be quite so casual...
...with the awesome influence
they have.
But whenever someone blows thunder
at this ridiculous target...
...it only distracts from the pursuit
of actual solutions!
Let me say one thing.
If I were an actor or a writer
or a director...
...and someone came at me
with lists of things...
...that were American and un-American,
it would sound eerily familiar.
Do I look like Joe McCarthy to you?
Nobody ever looks like Joe McCarthy.
That's how they get in the door.
We seem to have
wandered off the point a bit.
- Yeah, and time's up.
- Thank you, Mr. President.
- Chili tonight!
- Yes, sir.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
- You look a little....
- No, no.
- Know that donut on your desk?
- You ate it?
That was predictable, wasn't it?
- Any word yet on the....
- The thing's still out there.
I had a guy who wants us
to spend more time on UFOs.
- We spend time on UFOs?
- I said that.
After the Ouija board....
I'm closing the door.
CPC picked this thing up on radar.
- Sam.
- Right.
Listen, you're close
with Cathy, right?
- I haven't seen her naked.
- That's not what I'm asking.
She's like my younger sister,
but she's paid and she frightens me.
But I love her.
It's like you and Donna.
Right.
When they gave you the card
and said it's you and not Cathy...
...how did you feel about that?
- Gave me what card?
- The NSC card with directions.
The directions to...?
You, C.J., Toby.
When the NSC guy gave you your cards.
Josh, what card?
Nothing.
I was thinking of a different....
Nothing.
We'd like to tell you about Pluie.
- Who's Pluie?
- I'm glad you asked.
- That's Pluie?
- Yes.
- Pluie's a wolf?
- She is.
And you're gonna
tell me her story?
For 4 years, scientists
tracked Pluie...
...as she made her way from Alberta...
...up and down the Rockies.
She's made 3 round trips
between Canada and Wyoming.
40,000 square miles.
It was an impressive performance...
...considering the impediments
of modern life she had to conquer.
Highways, housing,
forests denuded of trees.
- And the U.S.-Canadian border.
- Sure, no photo ID.
I'm sorry?
That was a joke.
Why does Pluie do it?
Wolves have to breed with many packs
to keep from becoming extinct.
If they breed among themselves,
they'll become genetically weaker...
...endangering long-term survival.
That helps explain Buckingham Palace.
- May we tell you what we propose?
- Sure.
The wolves-only roadway.
The wolves-only roadway?
1800 miles, from Yellowstone
to the Yukon territory...
...with highway overpasses.
- An 1800-mile wolves-only roadway?
- Pluie had to...
How do you teach wolves
to follow road signs?
Our scientists
are working on a plan.
Pluie's gonna get drunk,
wander off the road and eat my cat.
- We don't think that'll happen.
- I don't think this'll happen.
Ranchers don't want wolves
returned to the West.
- Ranchers are killers.
- They aren't.
You should take that back.
Ranchers face falling stock prices,
rising taxes, drought...
...and people eating less beef.
They want to blame something.
I'd rather it be a wolf than us.
Pluie was shot and killed
by a rancher last month.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm not sure you are.
How much would it cost?
That's the beauty part.
With corporate sponsorship...
...the cost to the taxpayer
is only $900 million.
Seriously, how much would it cost?
If we're gonna do this,
why not do it right?
We're not gonna do it.
Sure, there are
other ways to spend.
You think?
What's a better way
to spend the money?
$900 million?
Another war plane or S & L bailout?
How about the nine best schools?
Let's move on
to the grizzly bear.
Can I talk to you?
Did you get him a spot
on Hollywood Squares?
You know Posner's a huge supporter.
I know.
- I came to be nice to you.
- Go ahead.
- I don't like going against you.
- I don't either.
That's you being nice?
I'm glad Rosen
passed on the communications job.
They couldn't have
done better than you.
Excuse me?
You're a better director
than David Rosen would've been.
That's me being nice.
- I asked if I was the first choice...
- Back to this?
...you called me paranoid.
You called me a paranoid nudnik.
For the last time, you weren't the
president's second choice.
- And David Rosen?
- What?
Mandy was in my office.
She said she's happy
Rosen passed on my job.
We'll start in a few minutes.
Give fair warning.
I don't know anything.
Where is this coming from?
Help me with the gun thing.
Hollywood can wait.
Since when do you need help?
Since I became the kid
raising his hand...
...that nobody wants
the teacher to call on.
Just help me, please.
I appreciate you
squeezing me in like this.
I was able to cancel someone.
You shouldn't have,
it's not a big deal.
What's not a big deal?
I'm out of practice.
That comes from
not seeing me for months.
The idea would make the people
I work for nervous.
Why are you here now?
This is gonna sound silly.
There's a magazine article...
A magazine article came out...
...and it said several countries
have stored the smallpox virus.
- Are you afraid you have smallpox?
- No.
Don't laugh.
- I have Ave Maria stuck in my head.
- The Schubert?
Yeah, I've been humming it
to myself all morning.
- Why do you think the Ave Maria?
- Why do you think?
I don't know.
My sister played it over and over,
I don't know how many years ago.
- Your sister who died?
- Joanie.
Why did Joanie play
the Ave Maria in her room?
She liked music.
A lot.
She wanted to be a conductor.
She used to pretend she was
conducting to the music.
Anyway, that, and I was
a little thrown off this morning...
...when they gave me this card.
I was the only one who got one.
I mean, of my friends.
That surprised me.
- Joanie, Toby and C.J.
- Joanie?
- What?
- You named Joanie in there.
You said you got a card
and Joanie didn't.
I meant.... No.
We were just talking about Joanie.
What kind of card?
It was....
There are things I can't discuss.
I'm not withholding anything
I should be emotionally available for.
- Okay.
- Thanks.
Can you talk about it,
but not talk about it?
I gotta go.
- Sorry you canceled an appointment.
- But I did cancel.
- Take off your coat.
- It was impulsive, I wasted your time.
Do you think it's strange
you haven't told me how Joanie died?
- I've told you.
- No, you haven't.
- Sure, I have.
- No.
It's not a big deal.
She was babysitting for me
and there was a fire.
How'd the fire start?
I honestly don't remember.
Something about a popcorn maker.
And the house caught on fire?
- Yeah.
- While Joanie was babysitting you?
Why aren't you dead?
I ran out of the house.
You were just a little boy.
That's what you were supposed to do.
I was knocking,
but you didn't answer.
- I didn't hear the door.
- What are you doing?
I'm ready to brief the president
on the smallpox article.
Forget about that for tonight
and come have some chili.
An NSC staffer gave me a card
with instructions...
...for what to do
in a nuclear attack.
They want me up in a plane or down
in a bunker. They don't want you.
Or Sam or Toby, for that matter.
I didn't want to be friends with you
and have you not know.
Have you been upset about this?
Yes.
You're sweet sometimes,
you really are.
Of course they don't want me,
I'm a press secretary.
They won't be issuing any releases.
Sam and Toby are communications.
And speeches won't be a priority.
Come. Have some fun.
This is a beautiful piece of music.
Do you know this?
I'm Catholic.
Hang on, listen....
That, right there.
It's miraculous.
- Schubert was crazy, you know?
- Yes.
Do you have to be crazy
to create something powerful?
The Cold War is over. There's...
God, C.J.,
it's not gonna be like that.
It's not gonna be the red phone
and nuclear bombs.
- What's it gonna be?
- It's gonna be this.
Smallpox has been gone for 50 years.
No one has an acquired immunity.
It flies through the air.
You carry a 10-foot cloud around you.
If 100 people in New York City got it,
you'd have to encircle them...
...with 100 million vaccinated people
to contain it.
Do you know how many doses
of the vaccine exist here?
Seven.
100 people get it,
we'll have a global emergency...
...that'll make HIV
look like cold and flu season.
It's gonna be a test tube with a
rubber cap that's deteriorating.
A guy steps out of
Times Square station...
Smashes it on the sidewalk.
There's a world war right there.
We'll make more vaccine.
You better hurry.
I'm the only one with a card.
- The president is asking for you.
- In a minute.
You really are very sweet sometimes.
It's all about the fundamentals.
Keep your feet moving on defense.
Pass and get open on offense.
I am a master of the fundamentals.
That is why my team
thoroughly dominated yours.
Didn't hurt having
an ACC Player of the Week.
- Kids don't understand.
- No appreciation for the game.
- Are you drunk?
- No.
- Now, why...
- I just like asking.
- I tell you...
- Give it up. Where's Zoey?
She's in the kitchen.
Wolves don't kill people.
It's a myth.
Now she's become a wolf person?
More people are killed getting change
out of vending machines.
People killed last year
by vending machines: four.
Number of people killed
by wolf attack: zero.
Excuse me.
People die from vending machines?
- Hey, good to see you.
- Mr. President.
I guess we haven't been
getting along too well, lately.
No, I guess not.
- I've been irritating you?
- Yes.
Was David Rosen
your first choice for my job?
Yes.
I'm glad we had this little talk.
I feel a lot better, thanks.
We were up all night
on that one, Toby.
Me and Leo and Josh.
They were screaming at me,
"Governor, it's gotta be Toby. "
I held my ground
and we went to Rosen.
And he wanted to take a partnership
at Salomon Brothers, thank God.
I couldn't live without you.
I mean it, I'd be in the tall grass.
In the weeds.
I know I disappoint you sometimes.
I can sense it.
I only get mad because
you're right a lot of times.
You aren't the kid in class
with his hand up.
Whatever it was you said to C.J.
You are a wise
and brilliant man, Toby.
The other night, on the court,
did you mean what you said?
That my demons were shouting down
my better angels?
Yes, sir, I did.
You think that's
what's stopping me from greatness?
Yes.
I suppose you're right.
I'll tell you what, though.
In a battle between a president's
demons and his better angels...
...for the first time in
a long while...
...I think we might just
have ourselves a fair fight.
Thank you, Toby.
Now, go away.
- Drop the spoon.
- I knew it was you.
- You look good!
- You look like death!
Thanks. I have a new barber.
- I heard you've been nutty today.
- Mind your own business.
- What classes you taking?
- Mind your own business.
- Charlie, you met Zoey Bartlet?
- It's a pleasure, ma'am.
Let's take it back a moment.
This is a girl.
You don't call her "ma'am. "
- Beg your pardon. Did I call you...
- Zoey.
- I should call you Zoey?
- If I can call you Charlie.
- The president...
- That's her father.
You're forbidden from adding
cumin to the chili.
Check to see if he's nearby.
I have certain instructions.
- You're fine.
- Taste this.
- Doesn't it need cumin?
- It needs oregano.
Well, let's get to work.
See you guys.
Maybe the vending machines
fall on them...
...while they're
getting their change.
We can build schools
and protect wildlife at the same time.
- Pluie really got to you?
- He really was very sweet.
Josh, we were looking for you.
- Look at this.
- Look at what, sir?
Nothing makes me feel quite so good...
...as colleagues enjoying each other
outside work.
What were you guys
talking about?
We were talking about these women.
We can't get over these women.
C.J.'s like a '50s movie star.
So capable, loving and energetic.
Look at Mandy over there.
Going punch for punch with Toby...
...in a world that tells women
to sit down and shut up.
She's already won her battle
with the president.
But she's not done.
She wants Toby.
Mrs. Landingham.
Did you guys know
she lost two sons in Vietnam?
Why she serves her country is beyond
me, but she's not missed a day's work.
There's Cathy,
Donna, and Margaret....
There's something that's
been bothering me.
- I know it's an inappropriate time.
- What's on your mind?
I serve the president,
and it's an unforgettable privilege.
I can't keep this.
It's a white flag of surrender.
I wanna be a comfort
to my friends in tragedy...
...and celebrate with them in triumph.
For the times in between, I wanna
be able to look them in the eye.
I wanna be with my friends,
my family...
...and these women.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
Friends, please.
The chili's ready,
I hope you enjoy it.
Since I told you
you would enjoy it...
...I'm reasonably certain
that you will.
The first lady is in Pakistan.
I'm not entirely sure why,
but I've learned...
...it's a good idea not to
ask too many questions.
It seldom leads to anything
but confusion.
I miss her very much, but I'm delighted
our daughter is here.
You know, she's starting Georgetown
in the spring.
This, prior to medical school
and a life of celibacy.
Yeah, right.
It's an incredible adventure.
Four years full of people and
experiences you haven't dreamed of.
Allow me just one minute of business.
I hope by the time
our four years are done...
...we see to it
that anyone who chooses...
...can go to college,
regardless of their economic status.
Here, here.
I hear that today was another one of
Leo's "big block of cheese" days.
You all start out cynical, but there's
always one or two converts a day.
Today was no exception.
C.J. is gonna be up all night...
....writing a position paper on the
necessity of wildlife protection.
C.J., I don't mind the cost
of this wolves-only highway.
It's the segregation.
The ACLU will file a petition
on behalf of reindeer...
...and we're all screwed.
Sam Seaborn had a guy
who spotted a UFO today.
He's been thinking about it
ever since.
It wasn't a ship from another planet,
just another time.
An abandoned Soviet satellite.
Its booster didn't fire
and it couldn't escape Earth's orbit.
A reminder of a time when two powerful
nations challenged each other...
...and then boldly raced
into outer space.
What will be the next challenge...
...that makes us go farther
and work harder?
When smallpox was eradicated...
...it was the greatest humanitarian
achievement of this century.
Surely we can do it again...
...as when our eyes
looked towards the heavens...
...and with outstretched fingers,
we touched the face of God.
Here's to absent friends...
...and the ones that are here now.