The Venture Bros. (2003–…): Season 5, Episode 4 - Spanakopita - full transcript
Every year, since he was a little boy, Dr. Venture flies to the tiny island of Spanikos for a week of fun in the Grecian sun.
☺ Subbed by BARFNUTS ☺
[gasps]
Fascinating!
You were right, Rodney!
The wreck of that
old trireme
is full of ancient Drachmas!
Heck, that's great news, Doc.
But we've got a wedding
to get to!
Jackie-O!
I'd almost forgotten.
H.E.L.P.Er.!
Stow those for me,
would you?
Yah!
I slayed the minotaur!
"Slew". You slew
the minotaur, Rusty.
And I brought you along
to Greece
to expose you to the classics,
not to play
"Mad Monsters Party."
Ahoy!
Last party boat to Skorpios!
[ Chuckles ]
Action!
Uh, now, don't wait up, Rust.
Daddy won't be back 'til late.
Plato's "Republic,"
books I through IV,
and then straight to bed!
Spanakopita!
The Greek spinach
pastry?
The Greek festival!
Three days of fun in the sun
on the most secluded island
in Greece --
Spanikos!
I first discovered its sultry
pleasures as a young boy.
[ Chuckles ]
You might even say I had my
first "solo adventure" there.
Eww.
ls that a euphemism?
Get your mind
out of the gutter, White,
and into the sparkling seas
and shimmering sands
of Spanikos!
I haven't missed a Spanakopita
in 20 years.
And this year,
it just so happens
that two slots have
opened up.
Hank's got his rock-'n'-roll
concert,
and Dean's got, um...
- Plans.
Now, that's
a "euphemism."
So, what do you say?
- Count us in!
- I don't think so.
- BOTH: What?!
- Why?
Why don't you think it over
while I refresh your Doc-tails?
Billy, you had the hot mummy,
right?
White, another slim gin fizz?
Eh, still working
on my first.
Look, Billy.
It's not the best time for us
to just pick up and leave.
It's a perfect time!
We've got nothing going on!
Yeah, but as
the Gravy's manager,
I should really be at the gig.
Producer.
You're not our manager.
Well, we can talk about that
at the gig.
No, we just talked
about it.
You're not our manager.
Well!
Do we have a verdict?
Thanks, but no thanks,
Rust.
Oh, come on!
What's your problem?
You come on!
Fun in the sun?
Sparkling seas?
What -- do I have to spell it
out for you people?
I am an albino!
This isn't a fashion choice.
My body literally hates
the sun,
on, like,
a molecular level.
BILLY:
Come on! We'll get you a hat
and a bucket of zinc oxide.
It'll be awesome!
Spanakopita!
[ laughs ]
Huh. Usually, there's
someone here to --
Where the hell is the X-2 --
What the hell is my brother
doing here?
Don't he usually come
to this?
No, he wasn't even born --
long story.
Boys! Let's go!
You coming or what?
No, Greece isn't on
the equator!
It's like the same latitude
as Virginia!
Ah!
Aye!
[ whistles ]
Huh?
ls this great or what?
Uh, it's not quite what I --
Hey, uh, how'd you find this
place, anyway?
Got lost at sea
when I was a little kid.
It was days before my father
found me.
But lucky for me,
I washed up here,
during Spanakopita!
Aye! Spanakopita!
Spanakopita!
You know, I looked online
last night.
I couldn't find a thing
about this place.
Oh, yeah, that's 'cause they
don't have internet.
Wait. No internet?
Oh, this keeps getting better
and better.
It'll be good to get
back to nature for a while.
Billy, you practically
turned feral
the last time
our cable went out.
That was
the "Runway" finale!
Spanakopita,
Giorgos!
Aye! Dr. Venture!
Spanakopita!
[ laughs ]
And who is this?
I thought I tell you...
never tell any outsider
about Spanakopita!
Heh...
Well, I just thought --
[ laughs ]
I kid you!
Any friend of Rusty is
a friend of Giorgos!
Welcome to Spanakopita!
BOTH:
Spanakopita.
Are they gonna keep
doing that?
So, is my usual
room ready?
Oh, I'm so sorry.
A wealthy American, he come in
your Venture boat this morning,
offer Giorgos more
for room.
Ugh!
Freaking Jonas.
The, uh, Imperial Suite,
she is still available.
Imperial, eh?
Is it nice?
Oh! [smooches]
Much nicer room.
And only maybe, uh, $200 more.
Huh? Friend price for you!
Hey, I'm smelling
a bait-and-switch here, Doc.
Oh, don't be
such an ugly American, Hatred.
Bring the bags up.
[scats musically]
Oh! Heh, hello.
Didn't expect to see you here,
Mr. St. Cloud.
Well, hello, Quizboy.
Spanakopita.
St. Cloud?!
How the hell did you find us?
A little bird told me.
Hey! He's got a Bubo!
The Bubo.
Harryhausen's a friend.
But, of course, even Bubo
pales in comparison
to my latest acquisition --
the original Team Venture
X-2 Super-Hydrofoil,
painstakingly restored it
to its former glory.
Gaze upon it, Quizboy.
This is the closest you'll get
to the real thing
outside of a picture
on a V.F. lunchbox.
It's near mint!
And you're wrong on two counts,
St. Cloud.
That's not the original X-2.
The original --
Was destroyed and rebuilt
in 1968.
Don't even try to out-trivia me,
Quizboy.
I already did once.
It's as debatable as your
eBay top seller rating,
which I fully intend
to destroy,
just as soon as I finish
destroying your vacation.
[ grunting ]
Doc!
[ Screams ]
- Get off of him, you --
- Hatred! No! Stop!
What the hell are you doing?
They're the welcoming
committee!
It's a Spanakopita tradition!
Spanakopita!
[whooping ]
ALL: Spanakopita!
DOC: Spanakopita!
[ laughing ]
How much for the full chair
package?
Spanakopita!
[laughing]
Spanakopita!
You know, I've known Rusty
for like 20 years,
and I have never
seen him like this.
What -- happy?
I know. It's kind of creepy.
Yeah, speaking of creepy,
I think my skin is
suffocating.
You got to leave a bare patch
when you put the zinc on.
Please!
That's a total myth.
Is not! What -- you've never
seen "Goldfinger"?
ST. CLOUD:
Did somebody say "Goldfinger"?
I see you recognized
my outfit,
as worn by Mr. Gert Froebe
in the pivotal poolside bridge
sequence.
St. Cloud, you
poisonous snake!
That belongs in a museum!
Mm, a much larger man,
Froebe.
I, of course, had
to take it in.
There was even enough
left over
to make Pei Wie a pair
of little matchy pants.
[ Scoffs ]
Well, there goes my appetite.
[clunking]
Ah! Smile, my friend!
What -- you no have good time
at Spanakopita?
Uh, no.
I was, uh, just wondering --
this, uh, alleged Spanakopita.
What is it -- like, a Saint's
day or a harvest festival?
Is harvest, yes.
We celebrate the harvest.
Mm. 'Cause I'm looking
around, and, uh,
it doesn't seem like much of
anything grows on this island.
You think too much,
my friend!
[laughing]
Eat! Drink!
Make merry, my friend!
For tomorrow,
the games begin!
- Games?
- To see who gets that crown.
Crown, you say?
Giorgos, how much
for the Spanakopita crown?
I'll pay top dollar.
Oh, no.
Crown is not for sale.
Must win crown
in Spanakopita games!
Which you won't.
We'll just see about that.
Oh. You wanna put your money
where your mouth is?
A wager, then?
Very well.
How does $1 million sound?
I-I don't have
that kind of money.
Of course you don't.
That's why if I win,
you give me the X-1.
Uh...
deal!
[ Spits ]
- [ groans ]
Ha! Sucker!
You just got hustled by the
all-time Spanakopita king!
20 times running.
You don't want to make
an enemy of me, Dr. Venture --
that is, not if you expect to be
invited back
after I buy this place.
[Spits]
Oh, you're right.
That is unpleasant.
[goat bleats ]
Okay, every
Spanakopita start
with running
of the goat race.
First man to make it to beach,
he wins the Drachma!
And we all know,
the man with the most drachma at
the end of the festival,
he is crowned king
of Spanakopita!
ALL:
Spanakopita!
Ah, yeah. Maybe you shouldn't
have tied one on last night.
Please. I could beat
that pasty --
sorry, White -- that doughy,
little rich kid in my sleep.
I got this.
Ready?
Let the games begin!
[ Note plays ]
[goats bleating ]
[yelps]
What?! Wait a minute!
That's cheating!
Excuse me, but he's --
[grunts]
Oh, hey, what's this, now?
Hey, I'm not dead over here!
Quickly, Pei Wie.
Use your parkour!
Parkour!
[ Chuckles ]
Sucker!
[ Notes play]
Mm. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Poor, deluded Dr. Venture.
If you want to fix
a horse race,
you have to buy all
the horses --
or, in this case,
the goats.
Yay.
No touching.
First, he steals my room,
now he's trying to steal
my Spanakopita crown!
He's ruining my vacation!
Oh, like he's making
ours a joy.
Like it was so great
to begin with.
Some wingman.
You two have got to do
something about him.
What?!
Why is this our problem?
Because he's
your arch enemy!
I can't get involved.
He's my best customer.
All right, just stop
waving that huge rock at me!
How are you even
doing that?
Pumice, for the pumice
carving competition?
Don't you clowns
read the itinerary?
Look, talk to the Giorgos guy,
just get him to
kick him out or something.
Good luck.
These people love him.
They love me!
Now, you fix this, damn it.
Whatever it takes!
Or you can both Walk
back home!
Yeah, well,
so can you, genius!
You just bet your
freaking plane!
Come on, Hatred!
The sponges await!
Eh, thanks.
Don't think I'm up
for sponge diving, Doc.
Too many cigars for these
old lungs, you know?
Ah, your lungs look pretty
healthy to Giorgos, my friend!
[laughing]
You keep your lungs away
from the goat.
Maybe they try to feed
on you!
[laughing]
Hey.
Why you calling me, man?
Hey! Yeah.
Sorry to bother you, but, uh,
we're at this Spanakopita
thing --
[ laughs]
Spanakopita!
Yeah.
And so, why I'm calling is,
uh, can't put
a finger on it,
but something just seems
downright fishy
about this operation.
- Let it go.
- Uh, how's that?
Whatever you're thinking,
just let it go.
But they're shifty!
Uh, they're sneaking around all
hours of the night,
and everything's so ding-dong
overpriced,
they must be
funding a terrorist plot!
Let me ask you
something.
Is Doc having a good time?
Well, yeah, but --
Then let him have this.
It's, like, the high point
of his whole year.
Don't go chasing waterfalls.
Hello. Brock?
Nico, say hello, Brock.
Uh, what's that?
Right away, General!
Uh, yeah, I got to go.
No -- no Brock?
Okay. ls good spot.
Now, for every sponge
you find,
you win the drachma!
The man with the most drachma
after five minute, he win!
Ready?
[all exclaiming disgustedly]
- What?
This is how they did it
in olden times!
- Set!
- [all exclaim ]
- Will you stop?
- Go!
[ gurgles ]
Whoa!
Four
Giorgos?
Little help-ski?
Oh-ho!
Big man catch big sponge!
I think we have the winner,
yes?
Again.
[thunder crashes]
Mighty Zeus, we have
found Rusty!
There!
On the island of Spanikos.
He appears to be having...
fun?
He's supposed to be studying
the classics.
He must be punished.
Release the kraken!
[thunder crashes]
[ All screaming ]
Roar.
Harryhausen's a friend.
Billy! Mount me!
We'll fight him together!
- This is so weird.
- Hey, it's your dream, pally.
Oh, and by the way, I part my
hair on the other side?
DOC: Will you two shut up
and take care of this?
He's ruining my vacation!
ST. CLOUD:
Put some condos there.
Roar.
Roar.
Here. Have some money.
- Aah! Hot potato!
- Screw this!
No! Where are you going?!
Go back!
Stop! This isn't Icarus!
You've got the wrong myth!
White!
[ Gasping ]
White! I've got it!
I know how we can beat
St. Cloud!
Uh... pally?
[ snoring ]
[ gunshot ]
[ gun cocks ]
ST. CLOUD:
A little harder.
Oh. Oh, that tickles.
[gunshots]
Why are you stopping?
I don't care what you heard.
I'm not finished.
[groans]
BILLY:
Okay, think about it.
What's the source of all of
St. Clouds power?
- His m-m-magic wigs?
- His m-m-money!
We take that away,
what's he got?
Big yacht and a private
ninja?
Okay, maybe those things.
Sweet Goldfinger outfit?
- Irregardless!
- Eww.
Sorry. Regardless!
On this island,
they don't take checks,
and they don't take
American Express,
so he's got to have a stash
somewhere on the X-2.
Why didn't we just walk
across the dock?
Well, 'cause this is
way cooler!
Whoa!
Look at all this stuff!
It's like a floating
Planet Hollywood!
Selfish prick!
At least Planet Hollywood is
open to the public.
Oh, look!
That thing from "Raiders"!
Damn it, White!
Will you get on the same page
with me, already?
Fine.
Look -- I found his safe.
You happy now?
You know how to pick
one of those?
[sighs]
Crap. False alarm.
There's nothing in here but
those stupid drachmas.
Hey, is that the clown
from "F/X 2"?
- White, wait!
- Ohh!
Oh...
I growls ]
We did it!
High five!
[stone rumbles]
[gunfire]
[gunshot]
[gunshots]
[gunfire]
Aha!
I knew you crumb-bums were up
to something!
Spanakopita's all just
a front for...
Uh, whatever this is.
Bah-bah-bah-bah.
Put your gun down,
my friend.
I tell you the whole truth
about Spanakopita,
same I tell Brock
first time he come snooping.
1968 was bad year
for Spanikos.
While we struggle just
for food,
richest people in the world come
to Greece for big wedding.
All those fancy yachts --
oh, my friend!
Who could resist such
temptation?
This game's called
"Trojan Horse."
I'll be the Greeks,
and you be the Trojans.
Now, I get inside the horse,
and you bring it into Troy.
[beeps]
[blows landing]
[ Screeches ]
We make good plunder
that night...
enough to feed our families.
We take back to Spanikos
to celebrate.
But we no expect to find
little boy in trunk!
I recognize him
from newspaper --
son of big American scientist.
So we make plan for ransom,
for big American money!
We try to call Dr. Venture
the senior,
tell him our demands.
But he no answer!
[yelps]
[ laughs ]
I've bested you, Venture.
Do you yield?
Go to Hell-ron,
L. Ron!
Jonas! Help!
ACTION MAN:
Action-n-n-n!
Engrams!
G-Get out of my...
head!
[ Cackles ]
Don't you know a feint
when you see one?
Kidnapping the former
first lady
was all but a distraction
for my real target.
"Apollo...?"
[gasps]
The Apollo 7, scheduled to
splash down today!
Wally's on that mission!
[ cackling ]
[alarms sounding]
[all grunt]
[ crying ]
Rusty, he miss his papa
very much.
After three day,
he cry so much,
we feel terrible inside.
No, no, no.
Why do you cry, little one?
No one should ever be sad at,
uh...
Spanakopita!
Yeah?
S-Spanakopita?
So we invent festival.
Then Rusty is happy.
and we are happy --
so happy, when father
finally come,
we forget
all about ransom!
After 20 years, we forget
about Spanakopita,
forget about Rusty.
Then one day, he just show up,
and he come back every year
since.
So, uh, there is no
Spanakopita.
Isn't there?
Well, there's the spinach
pie, but --
No.Look.
You would tell him
there's no Spanakopita?
You would break a lonely,
little boy's heart?
[gasps]
Billy? You awake?
White, where are
you?
What did that monster
do to us?
B-Billy, the s--
the sun is coming up!
Oh, my gosh! My god.
You stay with me, White!
I'll get you out of this!
Too tight!
I can't get loose!
Bubo? What the fuck?
Pei Wie?
Why is he helping us?
The albino code --
a covenant more sacred
than his loyalty
to St. Cloud.
Namaste, Pei Wie.
Oh, here it comes! Hurry!
Hurry, Billy! Billy! Hurry!
White! Get with me!
Aah!
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
I think we have the winner!
Yes, it arrived this morning,
George. Thank you.
Yes, yes.
And may it also be with you.
Can we get on with this?
I'd like my crown
and my X-1 now.
Where is boy Cyclops
and the ghost man?
They're all... tied up.
No, wait -- they were too
burnt out to join us.
Okay, then everybody count up
your drachma
and we see who win
crown.
Useless formalities.
Pei? Give him my Drachmas.
Look!
[panting]
What the hell
happened to you?
The winner!
In your face,
St. Cloud!
Oh, yay.
A Pyrrhic victory.
You see, once I learned of your
duplicitous collusion,
I arranged with Giorgos here
to buy Spanakopita.
- What?!
- See you next year, "D"-bags.
Oh, wait -- no, I won't.
Come, Pei Wie!
What?
G-Giorgos, how could you?
Oh, Dr. Venture.
We Greeks, we have a saying --
"Why sell a man your best goat
when you can just wrap up
spinach and feta in a phyllo
and call it a goat
instead?!"
[ laughing ]
You see?
It's all Greek
to me.
I think what he's saying
is, uh,
the only thing
old St. Cloud owns
is a couple million bucks
worth of spinach humble pie.
So you're not mad at me
for winning your crown?
No, Billy.
There's always next year, right?
ALL:
No fucking way!
You see, Dr. Venture, is all
a big misunderstanding.
Here -- take some olive oil,
uh, for your trouble.
Well, like I always say,
"Oil's well that ends well!"
[ laughter]
Indeed!
Kano?
Take Rusty outside, would you?
I'd like to compensate these
fine gentlemen for their time.
Bye-bye, Giorgos!
Bye-bye, Rusty!
Horace?
Lock the door.
Oh, no-no-no-no!
No! Oh, no-no-no!
[blows landing]
[all groaning]
Some day, Dr. Venture,
I swear...
I will make you pay!
[laughing]
$2,002, $2,003, $2,004...
[gasps]
Fascinating!
You were right, Rodney!
The wreck of that
old trireme
is full of ancient Drachmas!
Heck, that's great news, Doc.
But we've got a wedding
to get to!
Jackie-O!
I'd almost forgotten.
H.E.L.P.Er.!
Stow those for me,
would you?
Yah!
I slayed the minotaur!
"Slew". You slew
the minotaur, Rusty.
And I brought you along
to Greece
to expose you to the classics,
not to play
"Mad Monsters Party."
Ahoy!
Last party boat to Skorpios!
[ Chuckles ]
Action!
Uh, now, don't wait up, Rust.
Daddy won't be back 'til late.
Plato's "Republic,"
books I through IV,
and then straight to bed!
Spanakopita!
The Greek spinach
pastry?
The Greek festival!
Three days of fun in the sun
on the most secluded island
in Greece --
Spanikos!
I first discovered its sultry
pleasures as a young boy.
[ Chuckles ]
You might even say I had my
first "solo adventure" there.
Eww.
ls that a euphemism?
Get your mind
out of the gutter, White,
and into the sparkling seas
and shimmering sands
of Spanikos!
I haven't missed a Spanakopita
in 20 years.
And this year,
it just so happens
that two slots have
opened up.
Hank's got his rock-'n'-roll
concert,
and Dean's got, um...
- Plans.
Now, that's
a "euphemism."
So, what do you say?
- Count us in!
- I don't think so.
- BOTH: What?!
- Why?
Why don't you think it over
while I refresh your Doc-tails?
Billy, you had the hot mummy,
right?
White, another slim gin fizz?
Eh, still working
on my first.
Look, Billy.
It's not the best time for us
to just pick up and leave.
It's a perfect time!
We've got nothing going on!
Yeah, but as
the Gravy's manager,
I should really be at the gig.
Producer.
You're not our manager.
Well, we can talk about that
at the gig.
No, we just talked
about it.
You're not our manager.
Well!
Do we have a verdict?
Thanks, but no thanks,
Rust.
Oh, come on!
What's your problem?
You come on!
Fun in the sun?
Sparkling seas?
What -- do I have to spell it
out for you people?
I am an albino!
This isn't a fashion choice.
My body literally hates
the sun,
on, like,
a molecular level.
BILLY:
Come on! We'll get you a hat
and a bucket of zinc oxide.
It'll be awesome!
Spanakopita!
[ laughs ]
Huh. Usually, there's
someone here to --
Where the hell is the X-2 --
What the hell is my brother
doing here?
Don't he usually come
to this?
No, he wasn't even born --
long story.
Boys! Let's go!
You coming or what?
No, Greece isn't on
the equator!
It's like the same latitude
as Virginia!
Ah!
Aye!
[ whistles ]
Huh?
ls this great or what?
Uh, it's not quite what I --
Hey, uh, how'd you find this
place, anyway?
Got lost at sea
when I was a little kid.
It was days before my father
found me.
But lucky for me,
I washed up here,
during Spanakopita!
Aye! Spanakopita!
Spanakopita!
You know, I looked online
last night.
I couldn't find a thing
about this place.
Oh, yeah, that's 'cause they
don't have internet.
Wait. No internet?
Oh, this keeps getting better
and better.
It'll be good to get
back to nature for a while.
Billy, you practically
turned feral
the last time
our cable went out.
That was
the "Runway" finale!
Spanakopita,
Giorgos!
Aye! Dr. Venture!
Spanakopita!
[ laughs ]
And who is this?
I thought I tell you...
never tell any outsider
about Spanakopita!
Heh...
Well, I just thought --
[ laughs ]
I kid you!
Any friend of Rusty is
a friend of Giorgos!
Welcome to Spanakopita!
BOTH:
Spanakopita.
Are they gonna keep
doing that?
So, is my usual
room ready?
Oh, I'm so sorry.
A wealthy American, he come in
your Venture boat this morning,
offer Giorgos more
for room.
Ugh!
Freaking Jonas.
The, uh, Imperial Suite,
she is still available.
Imperial, eh?
Is it nice?
Oh! [smooches]
Much nicer room.
And only maybe, uh, $200 more.
Huh? Friend price for you!
Hey, I'm smelling
a bait-and-switch here, Doc.
Oh, don't be
such an ugly American, Hatred.
Bring the bags up.
[scats musically]
Oh! Heh, hello.
Didn't expect to see you here,
Mr. St. Cloud.
Well, hello, Quizboy.
Spanakopita.
St. Cloud?!
How the hell did you find us?
A little bird told me.
Hey! He's got a Bubo!
The Bubo.
Harryhausen's a friend.
But, of course, even Bubo
pales in comparison
to my latest acquisition --
the original Team Venture
X-2 Super-Hydrofoil,
painstakingly restored it
to its former glory.
Gaze upon it, Quizboy.
This is the closest you'll get
to the real thing
outside of a picture
on a V.F. lunchbox.
It's near mint!
And you're wrong on two counts,
St. Cloud.
That's not the original X-2.
The original --
Was destroyed and rebuilt
in 1968.
Don't even try to out-trivia me,
Quizboy.
I already did once.
It's as debatable as your
eBay top seller rating,
which I fully intend
to destroy,
just as soon as I finish
destroying your vacation.
[ grunting ]
Doc!
[ Screams ]
- Get off of him, you --
- Hatred! No! Stop!
What the hell are you doing?
They're the welcoming
committee!
It's a Spanakopita tradition!
Spanakopita!
[whooping ]
ALL: Spanakopita!
DOC: Spanakopita!
[ laughing ]
How much for the full chair
package?
Spanakopita!
[laughing]
Spanakopita!
You know, I've known Rusty
for like 20 years,
and I have never
seen him like this.
What -- happy?
I know. It's kind of creepy.
Yeah, speaking of creepy,
I think my skin is
suffocating.
You got to leave a bare patch
when you put the zinc on.
Please!
That's a total myth.
Is not! What -- you've never
seen "Goldfinger"?
ST. CLOUD:
Did somebody say "Goldfinger"?
I see you recognized
my outfit,
as worn by Mr. Gert Froebe
in the pivotal poolside bridge
sequence.
St. Cloud, you
poisonous snake!
That belongs in a museum!
Mm, a much larger man,
Froebe.
I, of course, had
to take it in.
There was even enough
left over
to make Pei Wie a pair
of little matchy pants.
[ Scoffs ]
Well, there goes my appetite.
[clunking]
Ah! Smile, my friend!
What -- you no have good time
at Spanakopita?
Uh, no.
I was, uh, just wondering --
this, uh, alleged Spanakopita.
What is it -- like, a Saint's
day or a harvest festival?
Is harvest, yes.
We celebrate the harvest.
Mm. 'Cause I'm looking
around, and, uh,
it doesn't seem like much of
anything grows on this island.
You think too much,
my friend!
[laughing]
Eat! Drink!
Make merry, my friend!
For tomorrow,
the games begin!
- Games?
- To see who gets that crown.
Crown, you say?
Giorgos, how much
for the Spanakopita crown?
I'll pay top dollar.
Oh, no.
Crown is not for sale.
Must win crown
in Spanakopita games!
Which you won't.
We'll just see about that.
Oh. You wanna put your money
where your mouth is?
A wager, then?
Very well.
How does $1 million sound?
I-I don't have
that kind of money.
Of course you don't.
That's why if I win,
you give me the X-1.
Uh...
deal!
[ Spits ]
- [ groans ]
Ha! Sucker!
You just got hustled by the
all-time Spanakopita king!
20 times running.
You don't want to make
an enemy of me, Dr. Venture --
that is, not if you expect to be
invited back
after I buy this place.
[Spits]
Oh, you're right.
That is unpleasant.
[goat bleats ]
Okay, every
Spanakopita start
with running
of the goat race.
First man to make it to beach,
he wins the Drachma!
And we all know,
the man with the most drachma at
the end of the festival,
he is crowned king
of Spanakopita!
ALL:
Spanakopita!
Ah, yeah. Maybe you shouldn't
have tied one on last night.
Please. I could beat
that pasty --
sorry, White -- that doughy,
little rich kid in my sleep.
I got this.
Ready?
Let the games begin!
[ Note plays ]
[goats bleating ]
[yelps]
What?! Wait a minute!
That's cheating!
Excuse me, but he's --
[grunts]
Oh, hey, what's this, now?
Hey, I'm not dead over here!
Quickly, Pei Wie.
Use your parkour!
Parkour!
[ Chuckles ]
Sucker!
[ Notes play]
Mm. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Poor, deluded Dr. Venture.
If you want to fix
a horse race,
you have to buy all
the horses --
or, in this case,
the goats.
Yay.
No touching.
First, he steals my room,
now he's trying to steal
my Spanakopita crown!
He's ruining my vacation!
Oh, like he's making
ours a joy.
Like it was so great
to begin with.
Some wingman.
You two have got to do
something about him.
What?!
Why is this our problem?
Because he's
your arch enemy!
I can't get involved.
He's my best customer.
All right, just stop
waving that huge rock at me!
How are you even
doing that?
Pumice, for the pumice
carving competition?
Don't you clowns
read the itinerary?
Look, talk to the Giorgos guy,
just get him to
kick him out or something.
Good luck.
These people love him.
They love me!
Now, you fix this, damn it.
Whatever it takes!
Or you can both Walk
back home!
Yeah, well,
so can you, genius!
You just bet your
freaking plane!
Come on, Hatred!
The sponges await!
Eh, thanks.
Don't think I'm up
for sponge diving, Doc.
Too many cigars for these
old lungs, you know?
Ah, your lungs look pretty
healthy to Giorgos, my friend!
[laughing]
You keep your lungs away
from the goat.
Maybe they try to feed
on you!
[laughing]
Hey.
Why you calling me, man?
Hey! Yeah.
Sorry to bother you, but, uh,
we're at this Spanakopita
thing --
[ laughs]
Spanakopita!
Yeah.
And so, why I'm calling is,
uh, can't put
a finger on it,
but something just seems
downright fishy
about this operation.
- Let it go.
- Uh, how's that?
Whatever you're thinking,
just let it go.
But they're shifty!
Uh, they're sneaking around all
hours of the night,
and everything's so ding-dong
overpriced,
they must be
funding a terrorist plot!
Let me ask you
something.
Is Doc having a good time?
Well, yeah, but --
Then let him have this.
It's, like, the high point
of his whole year.
Don't go chasing waterfalls.
Hello. Brock?
Nico, say hello, Brock.
Uh, what's that?
Right away, General!
Uh, yeah, I got to go.
No -- no Brock?
Okay. ls good spot.
Now, for every sponge
you find,
you win the drachma!
The man with the most drachma
after five minute, he win!
Ready?
[all exclaiming disgustedly]
- What?
This is how they did it
in olden times!
- Set!
- [all exclaim ]
- Will you stop?
- Go!
[ gurgles ]
Whoa!
Four
Giorgos?
Little help-ski?
Oh-ho!
Big man catch big sponge!
I think we have the winner,
yes?
Again.
[thunder crashes]
Mighty Zeus, we have
found Rusty!
There!
On the island of Spanikos.
He appears to be having...
fun?
He's supposed to be studying
the classics.
He must be punished.
Release the kraken!
[thunder crashes]
[ All screaming ]
Roar.
Harryhausen's a friend.
Billy! Mount me!
We'll fight him together!
- This is so weird.
- Hey, it's your dream, pally.
Oh, and by the way, I part my
hair on the other side?
DOC: Will you two shut up
and take care of this?
He's ruining my vacation!
ST. CLOUD:
Put some condos there.
Roar.
Roar.
Here. Have some money.
- Aah! Hot potato!
- Screw this!
No! Where are you going?!
Go back!
Stop! This isn't Icarus!
You've got the wrong myth!
White!
[ Gasping ]
White! I've got it!
I know how we can beat
St. Cloud!
Uh... pally?
[ snoring ]
[ gunshot ]
[ gun cocks ]
ST. CLOUD:
A little harder.
Oh. Oh, that tickles.
[gunshots]
Why are you stopping?
I don't care what you heard.
I'm not finished.
[groans]
BILLY:
Okay, think about it.
What's the source of all of
St. Clouds power?
- His m-m-magic wigs?
- His m-m-money!
We take that away,
what's he got?
Big yacht and a private
ninja?
Okay, maybe those things.
Sweet Goldfinger outfit?
- Irregardless!
- Eww.
Sorry. Regardless!
On this island,
they don't take checks,
and they don't take
American Express,
so he's got to have a stash
somewhere on the X-2.
Why didn't we just walk
across the dock?
Well, 'cause this is
way cooler!
Whoa!
Look at all this stuff!
It's like a floating
Planet Hollywood!
Selfish prick!
At least Planet Hollywood is
open to the public.
Oh, look!
That thing from "Raiders"!
Damn it, White!
Will you get on the same page
with me, already?
Fine.
Look -- I found his safe.
You happy now?
You know how to pick
one of those?
[sighs]
Crap. False alarm.
There's nothing in here but
those stupid drachmas.
Hey, is that the clown
from "F/X 2"?
- White, wait!
- Ohh!
Oh...
I growls ]
We did it!
High five!
[stone rumbles]
[gunfire]
[gunshot]
[gunshots]
[gunfire]
Aha!
I knew you crumb-bums were up
to something!
Spanakopita's all just
a front for...
Uh, whatever this is.
Bah-bah-bah-bah.
Put your gun down,
my friend.
I tell you the whole truth
about Spanakopita,
same I tell Brock
first time he come snooping.
1968 was bad year
for Spanikos.
While we struggle just
for food,
richest people in the world come
to Greece for big wedding.
All those fancy yachts --
oh, my friend!
Who could resist such
temptation?
This game's called
"Trojan Horse."
I'll be the Greeks,
and you be the Trojans.
Now, I get inside the horse,
and you bring it into Troy.
[beeps]
[blows landing]
[ Screeches ]
We make good plunder
that night...
enough to feed our families.
We take back to Spanikos
to celebrate.
But we no expect to find
little boy in trunk!
I recognize him
from newspaper --
son of big American scientist.
So we make plan for ransom,
for big American money!
We try to call Dr. Venture
the senior,
tell him our demands.
But he no answer!
[yelps]
[ laughs ]
I've bested you, Venture.
Do you yield?
Go to Hell-ron,
L. Ron!
Jonas! Help!
ACTION MAN:
Action-n-n-n!
Engrams!
G-Get out of my...
head!
[ Cackles ]
Don't you know a feint
when you see one?
Kidnapping the former
first lady
was all but a distraction
for my real target.
"Apollo...?"
[gasps]
The Apollo 7, scheduled to
splash down today!
Wally's on that mission!
[ cackling ]
[alarms sounding]
[all grunt]
[ crying ]
Rusty, he miss his papa
very much.
After three day,
he cry so much,
we feel terrible inside.
No, no, no.
Why do you cry, little one?
No one should ever be sad at,
uh...
Spanakopita!
Yeah?
S-Spanakopita?
So we invent festival.
Then Rusty is happy.
and we are happy --
so happy, when father
finally come,
we forget
all about ransom!
After 20 years, we forget
about Spanakopita,
forget about Rusty.
Then one day, he just show up,
and he come back every year
since.
So, uh, there is no
Spanakopita.
Isn't there?
Well, there's the spinach
pie, but --
No.Look.
You would tell him
there's no Spanakopita?
You would break a lonely,
little boy's heart?
[gasps]
Billy? You awake?
White, where are
you?
What did that monster
do to us?
B-Billy, the s--
the sun is coming up!
Oh, my gosh! My god.
You stay with me, White!
I'll get you out of this!
Too tight!
I can't get loose!
Bubo? What the fuck?
Pei Wie?
Why is he helping us?
The albino code --
a covenant more sacred
than his loyalty
to St. Cloud.
Namaste, Pei Wie.
Oh, here it comes! Hurry!
Hurry, Billy! Billy! Hurry!
White! Get with me!
Aah!
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
I think we have the winner!
Yes, it arrived this morning,
George. Thank you.
Yes, yes.
And may it also be with you.
Can we get on with this?
I'd like my crown
and my X-1 now.
Where is boy Cyclops
and the ghost man?
They're all... tied up.
No, wait -- they were too
burnt out to join us.
Okay, then everybody count up
your drachma
and we see who win
crown.
Useless formalities.
Pei? Give him my Drachmas.
Look!
[panting]
What the hell
happened to you?
The winner!
In your face,
St. Cloud!
Oh, yay.
A Pyrrhic victory.
You see, once I learned of your
duplicitous collusion,
I arranged with Giorgos here
to buy Spanakopita.
- What?!
- See you next year, "D"-bags.
Oh, wait -- no, I won't.
Come, Pei Wie!
What?
G-Giorgos, how could you?
Oh, Dr. Venture.
We Greeks, we have a saying --
"Why sell a man your best goat
when you can just wrap up
spinach and feta in a phyllo
and call it a goat
instead?!"
[ laughing ]
You see?
It's all Greek
to me.
I think what he's saying
is, uh,
the only thing
old St. Cloud owns
is a couple million bucks
worth of spinach humble pie.
So you're not mad at me
for winning your crown?
No, Billy.
There's always next year, right?
ALL:
No fucking way!
You see, Dr. Venture, is all
a big misunderstanding.
Here -- take some olive oil,
uh, for your trouble.
Well, like I always say,
"Oil's well that ends well!"
[ laughter]
Indeed!
Kano?
Take Rusty outside, would you?
I'd like to compensate these
fine gentlemen for their time.
Bye-bye, Giorgos!
Bye-bye, Rusty!
Horace?
Lock the door.
Oh, no-no-no-no!
No! Oh, no-no-no!
[blows landing]
[all groaning]
Some day, Dr. Venture,
I swear...
I will make you pay!
[laughing]
$2,002, $2,003, $2,004...