The Unicorn (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Turkeys and Traditions - full transcript

Grace, Natalie, I have
a bone to pick with you.

- So lame.
- Really, Dad?

I'm sorry, I don't
know what came over me.

I must have lost my head.

I'm so embarrassed for you right now.

I made you laugh.

That was a pity laugh.

Hey, uh, Nat, you know,

we should probably
throw that thing away.

No. Not my jane-o'-lantern.

All right, uh, as long as
you promise to get rid of her



before she gets all smushy.

- Promise.
- So, Thanksgiving.

What are we thinking?

Can't we do what we just did last year?

You know, watch Marvel
movies in our PJs?

Sure, although the only reason
that we did that last year

is it was so soon after
Mom and everything.

I don't know.

This year, it might be nice
to have a real Thanksgiving.

Uh, we could. But...

I don't know. Thanksgiving
was always Mom's favorite,

and it might feel like a lot.

Mom would not want us moping around.

Why don't we invite the whole gang?



We could invite your Aunt
Allison up from Pensacola.

Huh? Come on, it would make
your mom so happy for us

to spend the holiday with her sister.

I guess that could be fun.

You know it can.

And you guys can make that
casserole that Mom always made.

The one with the sweet potatoes

and the bacon. Ooh.

- I could eat a million pounds of that stuff.
- Oh, oh... a million pounds.

Me, too. All right, let's do it.

Give it to me. Yes! Thanksgiving.

I guess this idea isn't that boneheaded.

You're stealing my material.

But it's all very humerus.

I don't get that one.

You know what? Don't even
worry about it. All right.

We're having Thanksgiving.

Rest in pieces!

Guys, I-I want to ask you a favor.

I know that you usually
spend Thanksgiving

with Ben's family in New
Orleans, but I was hoping,

if maybe this year, you could
spend it with us instead?

You're doing Thanksgiving? Good for you.

You know what? Hell yes.

We'll be there, man. We got you.

Yeah, sounds way better than hanging out

with Ben's weird cousins.

- They're not weird, they're eccentric.
- Oh, guys,

I am so happy that you are coming.

I mean, Thanksgiving was
always such a Jill thing.

And I'm just, I don't know,
I'm feeling nervous about it.

What can we bring?

I know. I can whip up

one of my world-famous
deep-fried turkeys.

That would be amazing.

- No. Uh-uh. He asks every year,
- ‭Mm-hmm.

and I always say no.

But Wade just said yes.

Wade's house, Wade's rules.

- Go turkey. Go turkey.
- No. Don't... ain't no go turkey.

- Go turkey. Go turkey...
- No turkey. Stop dancing.

Didn't I say stop dancing?

I hope Wade knows how
much work it's gonna be.

Don't worry about that.
He's got it covered.

Ben and Michelle are doing the turkey,

Allison's bringing pies, and
guess what, he assigned us

- root vegetables.
- ‭Great.

I know, all right, they're not
the star of the show, right?

But a really good parsnip
dish goes a long way.

No. Allison's coming.

I always get the feeling
like she doesn't like me.

Come on, that's silly.

Why wouldn't she like you?

Everybody likes you.

You know, you're smart and beautiful,

- Aw.
- and-and your hair, my God,

it's lustrous, you know? Like you,

like you came in from a summer storm.

Forrest, I'm not gonna
have sex with you right now.

What? Tha...

That's really... I'm working.

Have sex right... Gosh.

Okay, quickly.

All right. Awesome.

Natalie, you got to throw
away your jane-o'-lantern!

I'm not touching that thing, it's gross.

- Uh, how's it going in here?
- Not great.

I've been trying to find
the casserole recipe online

but there's a million of them
and none of them look right.

Your mom kept all of her
recipes in this binder.

W-Where, where did I see that thing?

Aren't you supposed to cook those first?

Yeah, but I'm enjoying watching her try.

All right. I am going
to find those recipes.

Hey. Our first guests are here!

Happy Thanksgiving!

- Hey, hey.
- Hey. Food's here.

- Wow.
- We got green bean casserole,

we got two types of stuffing,

we got mashed potatoes,

- we got sweet potatoes.
- Whoa.

Aw...

We don't got sweet potatoes.

It's fine. The girls have it covered.

- Coming through!
- Welcome, everybody.

- Whoa.
- Coming through.

Make space, clear a
path to the backyard...

Yeah. Yeah.

- Clear a path to the backyard.
- Whoa, are you, uh,

are you gonna build a rocket back there?

Turkey fryer.

I've been waiting years
to fire this baby up.

If I were you, I'd call
the fire department now.

I heard that!

- Wait. Hi. We're here.
- Oh. Oh.

- Hey. Wow.
- Hi.

- Welcome.
- Come on, man.

- Yeah, just, uh, yeah.
- Oh.

Come right... there we go.

You're a lucky man, Noah. You know why?

You are about to witness the birth

of a new Taylor Thanksgiving tradition.

The deep-fried turkey.

Watch and learn, son.

One day, you'll pass this
knowledge on to your own kids.

I don't want kids. They're annoying.

Can't fight you on that one.

Hello?

Allison. Allison.

Aw.

- H-Hey.
- Thanks so much for inviting us.

Hey, why isn't the TV on?

- We're missing the pregame show.
- Oh, Jim.

Could you at least make
an effort at pleasantries?

Okay, Wade, how you doing?

You're looking good.
Why isn't the TV on?

Knock yourself out, Jim.

- Ooh.
- Football is his wife,

I am his sidepiece.

- I've accepted it.
- Layne,

look at you. Wow.

You're turning into a man.

'Kay.

Congratulations, Wade,

you got a whole syllable out of him.

Mom, stop.

- Okay.
- Uh, that's, uh, two.

Hey, girls! Look who's here!

- Aunt Allison!
- You're here!

Natalie, Grace,

you're so beautiful! ‭

Wait, we can't say that anymore.

You're strong and independent.

You made us pies.

- Yes.
- Thank you.

I can't believe it.

Every day, they look
more and more like Jill.

Yeah, they sure do.

Hey, Wade! Where's the rest of your TV?

I got toenails bigger than this screen.

Honey, that's gross!

Oh, boy.

Here comes Allison.

So I'm just gonna slap
a big smile on my face

and get through the day.

- Allison!
- Hey.

Well, if it isn't my favorite

Raleigh power couple.

- Ah, come on.
- Mm.

- Forrest, I swear,
- Uh-huh.

- you are reverse-aging.
- No.

You look like a cooler Moby.

Really?

That is literally the nicest compliment

I've ever received.

Yeah.

Delia. Come here, you.

- Oh, hi, you.
- Oh.

- Uh... Oh, my God!
- Whoa.

- Is this... cute little Layne? ‭
- Yeah.

What happened?

In a great way.

- Yeah.
- You are just...

- Ah. Hi!
- Layne, awesome shirt.

♪ Ring-ding, da-da-da, ring-ding. ♪

Metal. ‭

Ah.

- Adorable.
- Yeah.

- He's so excited to be here. ‭
- No.

- I bet.‭
- Yeah.

- Delia.
- Yes.

- You look tired.
- Really?

‭Why don't you sit down and-and relax?

- And I'll-I'll set the table.
- No, it's okay.

We're almost done,
and I'm very refreshed.

I'm just very particular
about everything being just so.

I'm like Martha Stewart
without the criminal record.

Oh!

I'm gonna use that one.

That's good.

That's a lot of oil, Benjamin.

The guy on YouTube said

you need enough oil to cover the bird.

So you're cooking our Thanksgiving
dinner from a YouTube video?

He's got, like, 2,000 subscribers.

What do you do with the oil afterwards?

Ain't nobody looked at that video yet.

He's going deep! He's got it! Yes!

Wade, you are missing a great game.

I know. I would love to watch it, I just

promised the girls that I
would find Jill's recipe book.

No! Don't put those in there!

I know I'm right. I've been
eating this longer than you.

- By, like, two years.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- What's going on?
- Natalie is ruining it

by putting in marshmallows.

No, this is what she
used to make it sweeter.

- No, she put in molasses.
- Listen,

everybody's gonna love whatever you make

because do you know what the
most important ingredient is?

Don't say love.

I wasn't going to say love.

I was going to say nutmeg.

Guys, this is stupid. We
can't make Mom's recipe.

Only Mom could do it.

No, we're gonna do this.

I am gonna find Mom's recipe book,

and everything is going to be great.

It's okay! Everything's okay.

Sounded way worse than it was.

Everything's gonna be great.

All right. Oh. How are we, uh,

how are we doing on appetizers, huh?

Do we, uh, do we have
enough cranberries?

I can run to the store. I mean,
they don't close until 3:00.

Wade, relax. You're
working way too hard here.

Wade, get your butt in here!

- Check that out, man.
- Whoa! Ha!

Rang his bell, huh?

- Dad!
- Uh, yeah?

Whoo!

Right, recipe book, I am on it.

- Wade, do you want me to make some coffee?
- Would you, Allison?

- That would be great.
- Actually, I already made a pot.

Oh, was this coffee?

It was so pale, I thought it was tea.

I'm such a dingbat.

That's coffee. And you're
pouring it out anyway. Okay.

Great.

190 degrees.

Once this baby hits 350,

in goes that turkey, and
it's fry, birdie, fry.

What else can you fry in there?

Oh, son, you can fry just
about anything in this.

A ham?

Sure, you can fry a ham.

A soccer ball?

I guess so.

Another smaller fryer?

Pass me the flavor injector.

It should be in my bag.

Mm. It's not in here.

Watch out, son.

Watch out, watch out, watch out.

Let's see...

Damn.

I must have left it at the house.

Okay, I'm gonna just run
home real quick and grab it.

You want me to watch the fryer?

Second thought, you're coming with me.

Hey, buddy.

Yo.

Onion dip!

O.D.

Oh, and Ruffles. Shoot.

I used to go to town on
these bitches back in the day.

You want some of these,
you better make your move,

'cause I'm about to rip 'em a new "A".

What are you listening to?

What are you listening to?

You wouldn't know them.

Okay. I'm, like,

a veteran metalhead
from way back. Try me.

Mercyful Fate.

Nah, I do not know them.

But I saw Megadeth, I saw Slayer.

I saw Motörhead nine times.

Lemmy spit on me twice.

What was the last show you saw?

The Wiggles.

It was The Wiggles, yeah.

But, again, nine Motörheads.

And he takes the chips.

Dick move, Layne.

Ah.

Man.

What smells so good in here?

That's a good question.

Judas.

Alexa, set timer for 15 minutes.

15 minutes, starting now.

Oh, you know what? That's a little long.

Layne doesn't like it when
the bottoms get burned.

- Oh.
- ‭Alexa, set timer for 12 minutes.

Second timer, 12 minutes, starting now.

Hmm. That's seems a little short,

'cause then the middle's still
gonna be a little doughy, so...

Alexa, set timer for 15 minutes.

Third timer, 15 minutes, starting now.

You know, that's a great point, Delia.

- Why don't we set it for 12 minutes?
- Mm-hmm.

And then we'll check and see if
it needs another minute or two.

Alexa, set timer for 12 minutes.

Fourth timer, 12 minutes, starting now.

Perfect.

- That's gonna be incomplete.
- Peanut.

Why is there a turkey in our oven?

I just thought it couldn't hurt

to have a backup, you
know, just in case.

In case my turkey goes wrong?

Don't you trust that
I know what I'm doing?

- No, I do.
- If you did,

you wouldn't be sneaking around
behind your husband's back

with a turkey on the side.

Now you being a little dramatic.

I don't want to hear it. I'm gonna
go put my turkey in the fryer.

At least I know it won't
stab me in the back.

Ooh, look at that catch.
Henderson has great hands.

Why are you making us watch this?

Because it's no fun to
watch football alone.

When did you say Beyoncé's coming out?

Oh, uh, uh, 15, 20 minutes.

Is someone gonna turn off those timers?

Here. No.

Alexa, off.

Where the hell is this book?

That guy's got six interceptions.

- Oh, hey, Jim. You good?
- Oh, hell yeah.

Wouldn't say "no" to a beer.

Yeah, there's a 12-pack in the fridge.

There was.

Wow.

Yeah, buddy. Sure, I got you.

- Wade, you okay?
- Yeah.

I'm just looking for something.

And I've got to go get
some more beer for Jim.

And all of these timers keep going off.

Are you ready for a little dip?

The oil's just fine.

Aah!

Ah.

"Kitchen".

"My recipes".

Hmm.

Wow.

Hmm.

"Rolled sweet cookies".

"Sweet potato casserole".

"Only put the pecan
toppings on half, because

Grace loves them, and
Natalie hates them.

Finish on broil to make
crispier, because that's..."

"That's how Wade likes it".

Dad? Dad?!

Um... yeah, in-in,
uh... in-in the garage.

Hey.

Uncle Jim was worried you got lost

on your way to find the beer.

- No. It's right here.
- Hey!

- You found the recipe. ‭
- Yeah.

I found it.

Thanks.

Natalie, he found it!

Hey. There you are. Listen, bad news.

It looks like the sweet potatoes
went right through the dogs.

Oh.

Also, uh, I hate to be a narc,

but Grace has beer.

Gonna need more than one roll!

Kids, wash up! Two minutes to dinner!

So, you and I are gonna sit here

next to Ben and Michelle.

And Grace wanted to
sit at the adult table,

because Layne gets to, but...

You should let her... there's
room here, and she is 14.

And I would, but it opens a
whole can of worms for Natalie.

Delia. I'm always impressed

at how you manage to make the
simplest things so complicated.

I'm sorry,

I have been trying all day to just be

so nice to you,

while you have just been
peckin' away at me...

just peck, peck, peck,
peck, like a little chicken!

- Like a chicken!
- Okay.

- Just like a little tiny chicken!
- Okay. Okay,

uh, Delia... okay, I got to apologize.

See, here's the thing.

Delia has it in her head

that for some reason she
thinks you don't like her.

Oh...

- Yeah.
- Oh.

- That explains it.
- Right.

Uh, I didn't hear a denial there.

Well, the truth is...

I don't really like her.

Ha-ha-ha! Yes! Yes!

Told you, Forrest!

Wait. What?

Why don't you like me?

This isn't the right time, Delia.

No. I need to know.

What could you possibly have against me?

I mean, I do everything for your nieces.

I was like a sister to Jill.

Jill had a sister!

I was her sister!

But did she go to the beach
at Hilton Head with me?

No, she went with you.

You are the one she confided in,

called when there was news.

I mean, Grace and Natalie
even call you Aunt Delia.

First of all, I don't even
like being called Aunt Delia,

because it sounds like pancake mix.

And I was not trying

to replace you, Allison.

I was just being a good friend to Jill.

- You don't help Delia. You impose. ‭
- Okay,

you know what?

While you were in Pensacola,

I've been here for Wade and the girls.

It's because of me

that they're not eating frozen dinners

every single night.

It's because of me

that Wade has finally

started to date!

A...

You're dating?

You hadn't told her that?

I was waiting for the right time.

And-and this... this is not it.

Course, I'm the last
one to know about this.

Well, you do live in Pensacola!

Oh, my God, but I'm
the crazy one, right?

These rolls are excellent.

They're buttery, you know, not oily.

I think they're gonna go
great with this turkey.

Yeah, I agree,
Forrest, but which turkey?

You know, we happen to have two.

- Here we go.
- Question for the table.

What kind of woman doesn't have
the confidence in her man's ability

to prepare a succulent
meal for his friends?

Will you relax? I left
the backup bird at home.

- What kind of woman makes a backup bird?!
- Now, you need to calm down.

Look, nobody minds if I watch the game

on my phone while we eat, right?

Can you stop talking about football

- for half an hour?
- Gonna put the sound down!

- You're not getting none of my bird.
- I don't want none of your greasy bird.

- Okay, okay.
- Stop it!

I don't know what I was thinking.

Like I could pull off
a Thanksgiving dinner.

Jill did this.

Not me.

I mean, the only thing that I
did was carve the turkey, and...

and keep the dogs off the table.

What is that?

I know that smell.

I do, too.

Look. We did it.

We used Mom's recipe.

It was maple syrup that
made all the difference.

Oh, girls, that is...

that looks incredible.

That's-that's-that's amazing.

Wow! Oh!

Hey, come on.

Guys, what are we doing here?

This is Thanksgiving.

All right, let's take this in there

and split it up, okay? Come on.

I'm so...

sorry if you thought that I was trying

to take your place or...

No. I'm so happy Jill had
someone like you in her life.

In a way, we...

we both lost a sister.

I got to admit,

your turkey looks good.

Oh, yeah?

Mm-hmm.

You gonna taste some of it?

I'm gonna taste some.

- Are you using innuendo right now?
- Mind your business.

Okay. Got it.

These dates of yours,

do you like any of them?

Not really.

Good.

But I am trying.

Hmm.

Motörhead rocked.

Yeah, they did.

They really, really did.

- Don't touch me. ‭
- You got it.

Is everyone done apologizing?

I want to eat!

Hey, uh, before we eat, I, uh...

I want to say something.

Look, I-I know that I made it seem

like I was super excited
about Thanksgiving,

but the truth is...

that was just an act.

Really...

I was worried that it was
going to be a painful reminder

of Jill being gone.

But I look around this table...

and I see Allison

and I see Jim.

We got married in your backyard.

And I see Michelle,

who Jill met at the playground

before Natalie and Sahai

were even two.

And I see Delia,

who Jill met

- at that Mommy & Me art class. You remember?
- We only stayed

for a few weeks, because...

well, it wasn't advanced
enough for Addie, but...

I made a friend for life.

Yeah, we're all together here
at this table because of Jill.

I was worried that I couldn't do this

without her, but the truth is...

she's here.

She's in all of us.

And that's what I'm most thankful for.

Now can we eat?

I'm grabbing that drumstick.

If you touch that drumstick,

Jim, I am going to football-tackle you.

‭Uh-oh.

No more fighting.

- There is more at my house. ‭
- Okay,

then let's eat! Yes!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Linda. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Didn't you learn anything
from the sweet potatoes?

Natalie, you still haven't
thrown away your pumpkin.

You should've made it throw
away when you had the chance.

Oh, okay.

All right. Let's go... inside.