The Unicorn (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Wade Delayed - full transcript

(WHISPERING): Grace.

Grace. Grace.

What, Dad?

Uh, I'm leaving for the airport now.

Remember, I told you that
I've got to go to Atlanta

to do that garden for the Hillmans?

- Okay.
- But-but I'll be back by dinnertime.

Okay? So just, uh,
proceed through your day

just like you would if-if I were here.

- I will. Bye.
- Okay.

Okay. Oh, uh, and, uh, after
school, just get your sister



and wait in the library
for an hour, and, uh,

I'll pick you girls up on
the way home from the airport.

- Got it.
- Okay. What else?

Oh, oh, uh, your lunches
are in the fridge.

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, I know I'm forgetting something.

No, you're not.

We talked about this last night.

And the night before. And last week.

- (DOOR OPENS)
- It'll be fine.

NATALIE: Why is it so loud in here?

Hey, hey, sweetheart, I'm sorry.

I'm just, uh, getting
ready to leave for Atlanta.

Okay. Love you. Good night.

Oh, uh, I just remembered.
I spoke to Delia,



and she's gonna pick you
up for school at 7:35.

And I just called her to remind
her and I think I woke her up,

so she might be a little mad.

Yeah, we get that. Stop worrying.

I know, I know. It's just...

This is the first time
I've had to go somewhere

and leave you girls alone.

- We'll be fine.
- Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, uh, if you need any batteries...

- (GROANS)
- Dad, get out of here!

Okay, okay. I love you, too.

(SIGHS)

WADE: No, no, it was
my, it was my pleasure.

It's worth flying down for.

I'm flying home now, but
I will make the changes

that we discussed and I'll
send you the plans on Friday.

Okay, bye-bye.

GATE AGENT (OVER P.A.):
Attention, passengers on

Flight 219 to Raleigh-Durham.

Your aircraft is experiencing
a mechanical issue

which will delay your departure.

- (PEOPLE GROANING)
- MAN: Wait, what?

Uh, excuse me, uh, how-how
long is that gonna be?

Just until the mechanical issue
with the aircraft is resolved.

And your-your best guess would be... ?

As soon as the mechanics resolve
the issue with the aircraft.

Oh.

Now I get it.

Thank you.

- Thank you.
- BEN: They can't give you

- any idea when you're taking off?
- WADE: No.

- What a bummer.
- Yeah.

I'm just a little stressed out.
You know? I promised the girls

that I'd be home by
dinnertime. Is there any way

- that you could pick them up, Ben?
- I would love to,

but I'm waiting for them to fix my van.

They told me it'd be
ready two hours ago,

but they still haven't
even looked at it yet.

Even though I pay an
extra 200 bucks a year

for the platinum service contract.

Apparently, this is platinum service!

Ben, that's okay, man.

- I-I'll figure something out.
- No, no, no. We got you.

Don't worry about a
thing. I'll call Forrest.

I'm sorry, I can't.

I'm dealing with a real
situation here today.

The people in accounting
finally pinpointed the person

who's been stealing toilet paper,

so there's an emergency meeting
to discuss the optimal way

to approach him. Or her.

(QUIETLY): I've already said too much.

Look, man, can you just call Delia?

Oh, right. Yeah, I'll call her. Sure.

No problem. I'm happy to
pick up the girls at school.

I don't want Addie walking home anyway.

- She forgot her sunscreen.
- FORREST: You let Addie

leave the house without sunscreen?

You know she always forgets
to stay in the shade.

- We got you, Wade.
- WADE: Great.

Delia's getting the girls,

and I'm making dinner for everybody,

which was going to be pasta,
but Addie can't eat noodles.

- WADE: Really?
- Or sauce.

Oh, well, thank you so much.

- I just don't know what I would do without you.
- Anytime.

- Okay, bye-bye.
- Bye.

Look, um, is there any way

that you could please put me
on another flight to Raleigh?

I'm just trying to get
home to my little girls.

I-I promised that I
wouldn't miss their bedtime.

Uh, okay. Um...

How about this? I put
you on the standby list

- on the 440.
- That is fantastic.

And the change fee is $275.

That-that's crazy.

Uh, you can use frequent-flier miles.

Yeah. Okay, you know what?
Let's, uh... yeah, let's do that.

- Okay.
- Um, the, uh, points

are actually in-in my wife's name.

- Is that gonna be okay?
- It's not a problem.

Just get her on the phone and
have her confirm the transfer.

Yeah, um-um, I'm afraid that
I-I can't, I can't do that.

I'm sorry, there's no exceptions.

Um, m-my wife, uh,
passed away a-a year ago.

GATE AGENT: That's terrible.

- Yeah.
- I'm sorry. Um, you know what?

Let me see what I can do.

- Okay.
- Don't worry.

She's gonna get you
home to see your babies.

Thank you.

Okay, all right.

Let's, um, let's forget
about the change fee,

and I put you on the
top of the standby list.

So, just listen for
your name to be called.

- Ah, thank you so much.
- Yeah.

Can you get him in first class?

Oh, uh, really, just, uh,
any seat would be great.

Is anyone sitting here?

Uh, no. Uh, sorry.

WOMAN (OVER P.A.): Ladies and gentlemen,

this is your final boarding
call for Flight 253 to Dallas.

(SIGHS)

Long day?

Uh, yeah. Yeah.

- And it's getting longer.
- Yeah, I know the feeling.

What you drinking?

Uh, the house red.

Mm. Sounds yummy.

- Two of those, please.
- BARTENDER: Sure.

Oh, n-no.

I m... I mean, thank you, but-but no.

I'm sorry, what?

Well, it's not that I don't,
I don't find you attractive.

I just, uh,

- I'm-I'm not really looking for, uh...
- BARTENDER: Here you go.

Both glasses are for me. My wine.

I hate to fly, and it calms my nerves.

- Oh, my God. I am so sorry.
- (GROANS)

- I-I'm, I'm so sorry. Just, I just assumed...
- Uh, yeah.

- whenever you kind of ordered,
- Uh-huh.

but I'm really sorry about...

GATE AGENT: Wade Felton,
please report to gate A-17.

Wade Felton, gate A-17.

Oh. Delia said Dad's flight's delayed,

so she's gonna pick us up.

Oh, my God, that's perfect.

That means I can totally go
to Dewey's with my friends.

No. Dad said you're not allowed

to go to Dewey's on school nights.

Dad's in Atlanta.

He's not gonna find out, is he, Nat?

(HORN HONKS)

Addie, for the love of God,

there is shade five feet away from you.

- Sorry.
- No! Look...

- It's too late now. Just get in the car.
- Okay.

Oof.

Um, actually, Delia,

is it cool if I go to study
at Katie Woodburn's house?

Gee, you know, your dad asked me
to take you to Michelle's, so...

Right. Um...

uh, see, it's just, it's really hard

to study at Michelle's with all
the little kids running around.

Right.

I mean, hey, I'm a pediatrician,
and I can't even think

- with all those kids screaming and running around.
- Yes.

Thank you. You get
me. It's just, it's...

- I really need to focus.
- Mm.

And I'm sure school
was super easy for you,

'cause you're so smart.

Actually, um, I had this
spatial recognition thing

where I couldn't draw
three-dimensional objects

to save my life.

And you're a doctor now?

- That is so inspiring.
- Mm.

- Oh.
- It makes me want to work even harder.

Oh, I guess that kind of
makes me sound like a nerd.

Oh, no. Are you kidding me?

Look, I totally know what
you're going through here.

- (HORN HONKS)
- Yeah?

Keep your shirt on, Karen! Logistics!

Do you have a ride, or... ?

- Uh, yeah. Katie's mom.
- Um, okay. Yeah.

Yeah, you... you can go.

You are so cool.

- No, I'm just, I'm just me.
- No, seriously, you are.

Well, okay. Well, just tell
Katie's mom that she has

to have you at Michelle's
by 5:30 for dinner, okay?

- Okay. I'll see you there.
- Okay.

- I will... oh.
- Perfect. Oh.

- Yeah. That's it.
- Okay.

Okay, okay.

- Excuse me.
- Sorry.

Uh, hey. Hey, hey. It's, uh, it's me.

- The-the guy from the bar.
- Yeah, I know.

Look, I-I know that I came
off as kind of a jerk...

- Uh-huh...
- and I just, I just don't want you to think

that that's-that's really who I am.

I was thinking maybe we could,
we could do a-a do-over. Maybe...

I'm-I'm Wade.

- Uh, c-can you, can you hear me?
- Yes, I can.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Sir,

- I think you're in the wrong seat.
- Oh. Uh, let's see.

Um... Uh-uh, 10-C.

Yes, this is 11.

Oh, that's... that's-that's 10.

- Really?
- Sorry.

Same row. Funny, huh?

Uh, I'm-I'm Wade.

I heard.

CAPTAIN (OVER P.A.):
Ladies and gentlemen,

I apologize for the delay.

Looks like we're gonna
be stuck here at the gate

a little longer, so we're gonna
continue our beverage service.

Um, peace offering?

Um...

(SIGHS) Look, I'm, I-I'm
really sorry that I jumped

to a stupid conclusion back at the bar.

It's just that I've, I've
been getting a lot of attention

from-from women lately.

(SCOFFS) Sure, you have, 'cause
you're obviously God's gift.

No. No, I'm-I'm not,

and, look, I-I know that I'm not.

It's just, I've... I'm...

I lost my wife a little over a year ago.

And you use that to pick up women?

No, no. No, I wouldn't...
I would never do that.

It's just that my friends

tell me that that makes me
super eligible or something.

Looks like you two have
something to work out.

- Want to change seats?
- Oh, no.

- Uh, yeah, yeah, that would be great...
- Please, that's not necessary.

... if it would make
you more comfortable.

In fact, if you could just stay...

- Thank you.
- Sure. Okay.

(ELECTRONIC CHIME)

CAPTAIN: This is the captain again.

Unfortunately, we're
stuck a while longer

while we wait for some
rough weather to pass.

Oh, God.

(EXHALES)

Uh... you want another one?

(SCOFFS)

Hi. I'm Ava.

- Nice to meet you, Ava.
- (CHUCKLES)

Here you go, Delia, veggie
burgers, as requested.

Ooh, thank you. That smells delicious.

- Ooh, can I get bacon on mine?
- Oh, sure, baby.

- Ooh, can I have bacon?
- Yeah, me, too,

and, uh-uh, could you
throw some cheese on that?

Yes. Cheese would be great.

Okay, so that's two bacon
cheddar veggie burgers?

- Mmm.
- Yummy.

Grace still isn't here, huh?

Didn't you tell her 5:30?

Yeah, I did.

- Well, where did she go to study?
- At Katie's house,

but her mom's supposed
to drop her off by now.

Do we know Katie?

Katie Woodburn, that's
the name, Woodburn.

- Wait, Katie Woodburn?
- Uh-huh.

She's in Noah's class.
She's a fourth grader.

Well, why would Grace be
studying with a fourth grader?

Is Grace slow?

- Forrest.
- Oh, my God, I... I've been played.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Oh, no, now it's lightning.

Oh, don't worry, they
don't fly in lightning.

They fly in everything.

What, even lightning?

Relax.

Lightning doesn't do
anything to a plane.

Really? Nothing happens?

Worst-case scenario, it shorts
out the electrical system.

Okay.

- (SIGHS)
- BEN: Oh, my God.

Grace was such a sweet little kid,

and-and all of a sudden,
boom, she's capable of this?

Is this what teenagers are?

Well, I'm calling her because
she's not getting away with it.

- She picked the wrong mom.
- Watch this.

GRACE (OVER RECORDING):
Hey, you've reached Grace...

Went to voice mail. She
turned off her phone.

What do I do? I'm out of moves.

Natalie, do you know
where your sister is?

- Uh, she's at Katie Woodburn's house.
- Oh, come on.

Katie's in fourth grade. We
know that. We're not idiots.

Wait, was that a shot at me?
Because I'm a trusting person?

Natalie, spill.

I don't want to tell you.

Why not?

'Cause Grace will call
me Tattle-y Natalie.

(CHUCKLING): Pretty good
one. "Tattle-y Natalie".

Okay, look, your dad trusted us

to look after Grace,

and you know how stressed out
he was about this trip, and...

I screwed up, but I-I
don't want to let him down.

- Um...
- BEN: Come on. We know you don't want

to be Tattle-y Natalie, but
you got to help us out here.

Okay, okay. Look, Katie's
in the fourth grade,

but not everyone in her
family's in fourth grade.

(SCOFFS) Obviously.

Okay, well, her little
brother is in kindergarten.

No, not him.

Oh, Dewey Woodburn!

Yes! Of course.

He's a patient of mine,
has an undescended testicle.

- Oh!
- Wow.

Yeah. Shouldn't have said that.

That's-that's really, really
bad for a doctor to say.

Look, don't worry, we can keep a secret.

Well, Tattle-y Natalie can't.

- Come on.
- I am so sorry.

It's okay. I've earned it.

They also like to hang
out in Dewey's garage.

Oh, my God, you let her
go over to a boy's house.

Well, it would never occur to me

that she'd want to go to
a boy's house. She's 14.

We're not ready for 14.

I'm gonna go hug my little girl
while she's still a little girl.

I'm gonna hug mine, too.

I'm gonna... I'll just drink.
I'll-I'll stay here and drink.

Here's what I do when I
fly... I just remind myself

I have a much better chance
of dying in the shower

or driving a car or choking on a grape.

The world is full of
things that could kill you.

You can't worry about 'em all.

Uh, excuse me, I'm-I'm
gonna call my daughters.

CAPTAIN: Ladies and gentlemen,
we are next for takeoff.

Sir, we're on an active taxiway.

That has to be in airplane mode.

- Uh...
- (ELECTRONIC CHIME)

CAPTAIN: Cabin crew,
please prepare for takeoff.

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

Oh, my God, it's still,
it's still lightning outside.

- (SIGHS)
- Are you okay?

I-I don't know.

You know, flying has never
really scared me before,

but now I'm... I'm all my girls have.

- Okay.
- If this plane were to go down,

they would, they would be all alone.

- (ELECTRONIC CHIME)
- Oh, God, what was that?

It's the seat belt sign.

(SIGHS)

Okay. Good. Yeah. Good.

That's-that's-that's a good sign.

I mean, yeah, we should
be wearing our seat belts

in case something
happens, right? Oh, God.

What good would a seat belt
do if something happens?

- Oh, my God.
- Okay, just breathe.

Oh, God.

I think I'm having a panic attack.

Okay, do you want to hold my hand?

- Could I?
- Yeah.

(SIGHS)

Okay. We're all right. You're all right.

- Oh, God.
- Just, just talk to me.

Just tell me about your girls.

Oh, uh, uh, they're-they're wonderful.

Uh, Grace and, uh, and Natalie.

Um, Grace is, uh-uh, 14,

and, uh, she thinks that she's 20.

And-and Natalie is 12,

um, and-and she says that she
still believes in Santa Claus,

but I know that she's
just faking it for me.

- (THUDDING)
- Oh, God, did we hit a goose?

We're good, we're
fine. Just keep talking.

(PANTING): Okay.

Okay, listen. She's in there with a boy,

so who knows what we're gonna
see when we open that door.

What we do is grab her,

- get out, and yell at her later.
- No.

I'm gonna start yelling
as soon as I see her.

I'm yelling inside my head right now.

Whatever we're gonna do,
let's hurry. They're teenagers.

- They don't do foreplay.
- Oh, God.

Grace Felton.

You better

pause that video game

right now.

GRACE: Hey, Delia and Michelle.

What time is it?

(SNIFFING)

Your breath smells like bubble gum,

or those vape pens that
smell like bubble gum.

It's bubble gum.

Of course she's gonna say that.

Delia, I'm fine.

I'm really sorry.

I just, I lost track of time.

But I did finish my homework.

That's not the point,
is it? Get your stuff.

Okay.

Okay.

You know, can I just
say that I'm really glad

that you guys are the
ones that came to get me,

because, uh, you, as
formerly young women,

understand how important
it is for me to socialize...

Okay, you know what, Grace?

I've been played enough
for one day. All right?

Let's go.

Okay.

Yeah. Hey, Dewey.

How's it hanging... doing?

How are you doing?

Okay. I'm gonna see you
at your next checkup.

Right? Cool, great.

MICHELLE: Mm. Just so you know,

if you ever want anything from a woman,

don't start out by calling
her "formerly young".

WADE: And then Natalie was limping
when she came off the field,

and I looked, and her shoes
were, like, three sizes too big,

and she had terrible blisters.

But she refused to take them off.

But I realized

that she had played the
entire game in her mom's shoes.

- (EXHALES)
- Yeah.

But that was her way of
keeping Jill close to her.

And it really helped her.

So, uh, the next game,

I just had her put on
three pairs of socks.

- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- Oh.

(LAUGHS)

- We landed.
- (CHUCKLES): Yeah.

- Wow. We're-we're okay.
- (CHUCKLES)

We're okay.

Wow. Uh, thank you guys so much
for helping me through that.

- Thank you, Ava.
- You're welcome.

Thank you...

- Brent.
- Brent. Thank you, Brent.

- Wow.
- Wade,

I'm sorry I judged you too quickly.

You're not a creep. You're just a mess.

- Hey. Y-You know what? I-I'll take it.
- (LAUGHS)

You know, I-I-I don't know
if you're gonna be in town

for a few days, but I'd love
to take you out for a drink,

just to show you my appreciation.

Can I be honest?

Um, with the kids and the dogs

and the whole widower
thing, that's just, like,

way too much for me.

Got it.

CAPTAIN (OVER P.A.):
This is the captain.

They don't have a gate for us yet.

It's gonna be another 20
minutes, so just sit tight.

(SIGHS)

Look, I know I shouldn't
have done what I did,

but it was only 6:30. Nothing happened.

That's not the point, and you know it.

You have to be responsible
now. You're 14 years old.

When exactly did this
behavior even start?

Like, do I have two
more years with Addie?

And are there warning signs
that I should look for now?

Delia.

You know your father was really
stressed out about this trip.

Yeah. I-I'm sorry.

I'll tell my dad it wasn't your fault.

No, no, no. If he
finds out what you did,

he's never gonna be able
to go out of town again.

Nobody's telling him anything.

So we're good?

No, we're not good.

But, like, what can we do,
because sh-she's not our kid?

Yeah, I-I don't know.

Don't do this again, or
there will be consequences.

Real bad ones.

Yeah. What she said.

Uh, yeah. Okay.

- Okay.
- I won't.

Now go to... somebody's room.

O-Okay.

And not my room!

That was terrible.

Weak.

We have no idea what we're doing.

Yeah. In two years, our
girls are gonna be 14,

and they are going

to eat us alive.

(QUIETLY): I see your point.

I'll get the wine.

- Hey.
- Dad!

Hey, Wade.

I made it. Hey, you. Oh...

We missed you.

Oh, I missed you, too.

Uh, you know what? It's late.

Go get your stuff and let's get
out of Ben and Michelle's hair.

- NATALIE: All right.
- Okay.

All right.

- So how was your trip?
- Uh,

- a little more lightning than I like.
- DELIA: Oh...

Uh, but you know what? The
thing that got me through

was knowing that my kids were
in great hands with all of you.

- FORREST: Oh, that's nice.
- DELIA: Oh, well...

Yeah. I mean, there would
be no reason to worry,

because obviously, by the presence

of both the girls just now,

I mean, you know that everything
was fine the entire time.

Yeah. That-That's what I was saying.

Yes, and that is correctly so,

- what you were saying.
- FORREST: Yeah, so,

did you meet anybody?

It was a one-hour
daytime flight, Forrest.

Uh, well, uh, actually,
I did meet a lady.

- Hmm.
- FORREST: Ah! I knew it.

See? In your face. In your face.

Okay. Calm down.

FORREST: Okay, we... let me
ask you this as a follow-up.

Did you happen to join a club
whose membership is predicated

on certain things happening
at a specific altitude?

Uh, no, and not only that,
she was actively not into me.

- DELIA: What?
- Wow. How is that possible?

- That is insane.
- She sounds ugly.

MICHELLE: You know
what? Forget about her.

There are plenty of other women.

Yes, and no matter what you guys think,

they're not all gonna be into me.

- What?
- So I'm gonna need

your help to keep me
from getting a big head.

DELIA: Okay. Yeah, fine. We can do that.

You are far from perfect.

Oh... yeah, okay.

It's "intents and purposes",
not "intensive purposes".

Yeah, that's-that's true. That's true.

Ben, what do you got?

Sometimes it looks like
you're wearing Grace's jeans.

- I cringe when you dance.
- DELIA: Oh!

- Really?
- FORREST: Yeah.

Okay. Next, uh, Forrest.

- Uh, when you sweat...
- Uh-huh.

you smell like a cedar
forest after a rain.

- Um...
- In a bad way.

- What bad way?
- Am I thinking

of a different kind of wood?

DELIA: The only forest
that smells is this one.

- (LAUGHS): Whoa.
- FORREST: I walked right into that.

- (LAUGHTER)
- In your face.

- In your face.
- Hey. All right. It... back into my face. Yes.

WADE: Okay. Michelle, go for it.

You don't have a forehead,
you have a fivehead.

Okay, all right. All
right. Delia, give it to me.

You seem to have six
to eight extra teeth.

Oh...

(CHUCKLES) Didn't know you were
gonna go there, but, uh, yeah.