The Unicorn (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 14 - The Wade Beneath My Wings - full transcript

Wow. How did Kai get it
all the way up on the roof?

Oh, you know. Five-year-olds...
they're stronger than, uh...

- Ben, you got the ladder?
- Yeah, I got it, man.

All right, Forrest. Here you go.

Why'd you give Kai your wallet?

He said he was gonna do a magic trick.

- Ben? Hello?
- Yes.

Sorry. Come on down.

I'm waiting on a call.

I put in a bid to do all the A/V

at that new hotel
they're building downtown.



- Good for you.
- Only if I get it.

We're doing fine, but I ain't gonna lie.

Lately, it's been a little lean.

Anyway, I land this thing,

it's a game changer.

WADE: I get it.

I put in a bid to do their landscaping,

but they passed.

BEN: Well, that's life living contract

to contract, though, man.

Always waiting for the next call.

- But when it finally comes through...
- Ooh, it's glorious.

I don't know, man. That
all sounds terrifying.

That's why I love HR, man.



Every single day is the same.

Well, I'm glad that's perfect for you.

Well, it's not perfect by any means.

I've actually been
pretty frustrated lately.

You guys know how it is.

We just switched from
a traditional employee

on-boarding system to a software suite

that integrates payroll,
and it's scalable.

Yeah. That's, uh, very interesting.

Yeah, the point is, I just have
all this time on my hands now,

and I got all these ideas, you know?

How about you just walk
in and talk to your boss?

Justin?

Yeah. I mean, yeah, I'm...
I'm gonna. I have a plan.

What I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna
hang out in the lunch room,

right, and wait till we
"cross paths", you know?

Come on, Forrest. Don't
wait for him to come to you.

Just walk in there and tell
him that you're ready for more.

No, that's not my style.

Well, maybe it's time for
you to change your style.

(PHONE VIBRATES)

Ooh! Celebrity Home Theater,

where if you can dream
it, we can screen it.

This is Ben speak...

Hey, Mama.

Uh, can I call you back? No, I'm
not disappointed that it's you.

- Hey, this gonna be a while.
- Mm-hmm. Bye.

FORREST: Oh.

No. Kai, Kai, Kai, Kai, Kai. No!

- Aw!
- Damn it!

Wow. That kid's got an arm.

Noah, tell Zoe and
Kai to stop screaming.

On it.

(SCREAMING): Stop screaming!

(DOOR CLOSES)

Michelle, I have a question.

I need an honest answer.

- Okay.
- Are you ready to celebrate?

You got the hotel job?!

I got the hotel job, baby!

Oh, Ben, that's so good.

It ain't bad. This is it.

I'm taking my little
company to the next level,

and I'm bringing everybody with me.

This is great. We can finally start

a college fund for all the kids.

Let's take our friends out
for a night on the town,

pull out all the stops.

- Or...
- Okay.

... we could put some
of the stops back in

and just celebrate here.

- You know, have all our friends over.
- Hmm.

Food Lion is having a huge
sale on chicken thighs.

Chicken thighs?!

Chicken thighs? Come on, baby.

This is big!

This is like-like steak big.

You want to take everyone
out for a steak dinner?

Yes! I know.

You never liked throwing money around.

But now, we have a couple
dollars to throw around.

So why don't we spend a little?

Okay, this once.

- Ah. Mwah.
- (LAUGHS)

BOTH: Mmm!

(LAUGHS) Good for Ben.

You know, he-he really did it.

Yeah, he sure did. How about you, huh?

Did you talk to your boss?

Yeah, almost.

I saw him, and I was
gonna talk to him, but,

uh, then he finished peeing,
and I was still peeing.

You know how it goes.
The moment kind of passed.

Come on! Don't wait for the moment.

You make the moment. You're Forrest.

You're awesome. Just go
in there and show him that.

You know what? Maybe I will.

Maybe... I...

will.

So,

will you?

You know what? I think I actually might.

Whoa! Isn't this place great?

Look at you, Mr. Fancy.

NOAH: I'm gonna get the tomahawk steak.

Oh, you don't want that.

Here's the kid's menu on the back.

Everything you want for nine dollars.

Look at that. Ooh, butter noodles.

Hey, kids, y'all can
get whatever you want.

Thanks, Dad.

Uh, can we get a bottle of
champagne, and also, some, um...

ooh, some calamari for the table.

We're celebrating big tonight.

DELIA: As I always say,

you are the Triangle's number one name

in audio-visual solutions.

Verbatim what it says on my website.

Oh, that's weird.

WADE: I think it's great, man.

And I'm not just saying that

'cause I'm about to eat
my bodyweight in steak.

(LAUGHS)

Hey, by the way, Forrest said

that you gave one heck of a pep talk.

I was happy to do it.
I'm a pretty good salesman

when I believe in what I'm selling,

- and I believe in Forrest.
- I know.

- Oh, speak of the devil.
- Ah!

- Hey!
- Hi!

- There he is. Yeah!
- Ah!

- Hey, everybody. Mwah.
- Hi. Mwah-mwah.

Oh, God. Sorry I'm late... work stuff.

So, how did it go?

Did you talk to him?

Yeah, I did. (LAUGHS)

I just went in there, and I said,

"I'm not being challenged.
I want to do more".

- WADE: Yes!
- Wow. Good for you.

That's how you do it.

I laid out my very radical plan

for restructuring the entire department.

I got to tell you, like,

I had it all figured out.

I knew you had it in you.

I really did.

And, um, a couple hours later,

a security guard comes up,

and he has a cardboard box.

And I'm like, "What's that for?"

And, uh, he says, "It's for you

to-to clean out your desk with".

But you know what? To his credit,

he very gently escorted
me off the premises.

You know, but, I mean,

listen, that's Alfonso for you.

You know, he's just...

a class act to the end.

DELIA: Wait.

- Did you get fired?
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, they went with
a, uh, less radical plan

- for restructuring the department.
- Forrest, oh, my God!

Oh, good, good, good,
good. Champagne. Hmm.

(BURPS) Mm. Pardon me.

MICHELLE: Well, you'll find another job.

You're good at what you do... I assume.

I'm not worried about that
at all. No, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- Oh, sir?
- Yes?

Do you have any champagne
that's a little less bubbly?

I guess that'd be white wine.

Uh, you know what?

I'll take a Scotch. Yeah. Actually, no.

Do you have clam juice? Do you
make those, like, Michel... ?

What are they called?
Mich-Mich-Micheladas?

No! Scotch.

I'll go with the Scotch.

WADE: Oh, Forrest. I'm so sorry.

No. Wade, trust me.

No one blames you.

DELIA: Yeah, Wade.

Nobody blames you.

Hey, where's my Michelada, huh?

Hey, hey, how-how is he doing?

He's not good, Wade. He's not good.

I mean, I keep telling him
that we're gonna be fine.

We have our savings.

I'm a pediatrician,

so I'm always gonna have a job

as long as kids keep eating
things that aren't food.

But he just was really
proud of that job.

- You know, it really defined him.
- I just feel terrible.

But he was venting about work.
What was I supposed to do?

Listen and nod! Ugh!
That's all he needed.

What is it with you men?
You always want to fix everything.

Carburetors, the Internet.

Sometimes people just want to vent.

- You know what? I'm gonna fix this.
- No! No!

Are you not even hearing what
I'm saying? Is it just "blah"?

Yes. I just... I want to help
him get a new job.

What do you know about what he does?

'Cause, I mean, I barely know.

That's why I refer to
it as "what he does".

You're right, I don't know,

but I do know Forrest, and he's awesome.

And he would be an asset
to any company that does...

whatever it is that he does.

If you can help him see that,
that'd be great, because

he's really depressed, which means

he wants to have sex all the time.

Why are men so horny
when they're depressed?

I don't know if we are.

- Well, you are, and it's weird.
- Hey, Forrest.

Hey, bud. How you... how you doing?

Uh, oh, I'm, uh...

uh...

Yeah...

- Delia?
- Yes, sweetie.

Can I see you in the bedroom...

for a second?

Okay.

I have something...

- Yup.
- ... I'd like to talk to you about.

No. I understand, honey.

He's really depressed.

WADE: How's he doing?

DELIA: I don't know. He's just...

- looking at clouds a lot.
- Yeah.

Well, I-I couldn't sleep last night, so,

I started looking

at some job sites on the Internet,

and there are some really
good ones out there.

I tried to encourage him, but...

Sure, but I was thinking, maybe
we could all do it with him.

- Right now.
- Yeah.

WADE: Okay.

- Résumé and education. Done.
- All right.

See, Forrest? You're
already halfway there.

- Yeah.
- Cool.

Now we just need some
personal information.

What are your strengths and weaknesses?

Spanish. You speak Spanish.

- don't speak Spanish.
- I speak Spanish.

Well, you could still
put that down, right?

That his friend speaks Spanish?

Well, he could teach Forrest some.

- (SPEAKS SPANISH)
- FORREST: Oh, good.

Yeah, my greatest strength

is knowing a guy who speaks Spanish.

- I'm not gonna type that.
- Okay.

Say that his biggest fault is

that he's a perfectionist or workaholic.

- Yes. Workaholic.
- Ooh.

- (LAUGHING): Yeah.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah. That old trick?

"I don't know. My fault
is actually my strength".

Yeah. Saw a lot of that in the HR game.

Straight to the bottom of the pile.

Okay. Didn't know
that. Did you know that?

- No. No.
- That's new information.

- That's very valuable. Thank you, Forrest, yeah.
- Yeah.

- Guess it is.
- I'm gonna put down that you are a...

self-starting

- go-getter.
- Go-getter. Right.

You know what you say to those guys?

Well, then, go get another job,

or self-start...
looking for another job.

We had a ton of jokes like that.

That is your experience talking.

You know your stuff, Forrest.

Yeah, I should. I did it for 20 years.

You know what, Wade? Let me drive.

- Get out of there.
- Okay.

- (KNOCKING)
- GRACE: Hey, Addie.

I'm sorry about your dad.

- What about my dad?
- Uh...

Him losing his job.

He lost his job?

Oh, my God. What are we gonna do?

How did you not know?

I'm so sorry.

Oh, I was just joking.

Of-of course it's devastating news.

I just handle adversity with humor.

Oh.

Good one.

Funny.

Goals.

- WADE: Wow.
- Salary range.

- Well said.
- Oh.

Wait. You forgot to fill out gender.

No, that's a trap.

Man, you're gonna have, like,
20 interviews in no time.

All right, uh... submit.

(LAUGHTER)

Oh, wow.

Guys, I got to admit

I'm buzzing right now!

Hey, Delia, we should go, right?

Why?

Uh, be...

'Cause I have to talk to you...

- Oh, yeah...
- And, um...

- Okay.
- ... in-in in our bedroom.

DELIA: Oh, in our
bedroom? Yeah, let's go.

All right, bye, everybody.
Thank you, love you!

Hey, um, am I missing something?

- What?
- He doesn't seem depressed.

Oh, no, he also needs
to have sex when he's

really excited, or, you know,
he's really hungry, or...

It's pretty random, actually,
now that I think about it.

- Okay.
- Okay, thank you.

Yeah.

- Hey, babe.
- MICHELLE: Hey.

Would you pass me the lima beans?

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Here you go.

What's this?

Oh, Ben, this is beautiful!

- Yeah, you like it?
- I love it!

It-it looks so real.

That's because it is real.

What?

I can't take this.

Baby, but you just said you loved it.

I loved it when I thought it was fake.

But what man gives his
wife a real diamond?

Maybe a man that just got

the biggest contract of his life.

Let me do something nice for you.

- Come on, now.
- I'm not gonna

wear that necklace to Costco

to buy bulk jeans for our kids.

Well, then stop buying bulk jeans!

Oh, I see, so, now we're that family

who wears name-brand
jeans, drenched in diamonds?

You've changed, Ben.

Wha... ?

You can't really be
drenched in one diamond.

- Delia?
- DELIA: Hi, Wade.

Are you busy?

Actually, yeah, I am. I'm, uh,
I'm about to meet a client.

I'm sorry, I don't care.

I need you.

Forrest got an interview.

- Hey, that's great news.
- Mm-hmm.

You'd think.

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- It's in an hour.

I don't think he's going. I... you know,

I think he's kind of
gone off the rails, Wade.

None of these ties go with my shirt!

None of them, look!

I got to try on another shirt now.

Great! You know what, though?

Maybe I should have
a cup of coffee first.

- Cup of coffee, Wade?
- Um...

- Deels, cup of coffee?
- No, thank you.

I'll make a pot of coffee!

I'll just make a pot.

Okay, so it's been a hard morning.

It took me two hours
to get him into pants.

He's not wearing pants.

I know, Wade! We
backslid a little bit here.

Look, I think he's
looking for any reason to

avoid going to this interview.

- Delia?
- Yes, dear?

- Where's the coffee?
- Oh, you drank all the coffee.

That's okay... that's okay.

'Cause I had a breakthrough
on the shirt thing, so...

Okay, he's gonna be okay, right?

I mean, he just needs to calm
down and he needs to breathe.

I think he is breathing.

Then I need to breathe.
Okay? Somebody needs to breathe

is all I know! (GASPS)

It's me, I need to breathe.

All right, look, uh, you
just stay here and breathe.

I'm gonna go talk to him, okay?

Okay.

Just breathe, breathe.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Hey, Forrest.

How you doing, buddy?

Oh, I'm gonna be honest with you, man.

I'm not great.

Well, what happened?

Yesterday, you were so excited.

Yeah, I was, and then
I got the interview.

And that got you scared.

I haven't had a job
interview in 20 years, Wade.

20 years.

I had to shave a ponytail for it.

What if they don't want me?

What if no one wants me?

Oh, Forrest, if anyone
knows how hard it is

to start over, it's me.

And there was a time not that long ago,

that I was looking for
a hole to crawl into,

never to come out of.

Did you ever find that hole?

No.

Because...

you talked me out of it.

When I was in my darkest place,

you never gave up on me.

You made me realize that

there were people that cared about me,

and that I could find a way to move on.

You were relentless.

Yeah, because I knew you could do it.

Just like I know that you can do this.

Because the same amazing people

that helped me

are here to help you.

You're right.

You're right, it's...

- It's just a job interview.
- That's it.

If you guys think I can
do it, then I can do it.

- You can do it.
- I...

Oh, my God! Is that the time?

This thing starts in a half
an hour! Oh, boy...

- Forrest!
- Wade, I got to go, man.

You got to put your pants on.

Yeah, yeah, I'll get the pants on.

Yeah.

(EXHALES)

Hey.

Hey.

Babe...

thank you for the necklace.

It's beautiful.

So, you're gonna keep it?

I can't. It's too much.

It's not that I don't love it.

But... you know how I grew up.

But look where we are now.

We're doing fine.

And the reason why we're
doing fine is for 15 years,

I've been driving across
town for deals on detergent.

- You think I enjoy doing that?
- Kind of.

Well, yeah, it is extremely satisfying.

And I've always appreciated
that about you, baby.

I just always thought
that once we made it,

you could relax and enjoy things.

Look, the hotel job is great.

And I'm very proud of you.

But in a few months, the
hotel's done, and then what?

Growing up the way I did, you're always

getting ready for the
other shoe to drop.

So, we're gonna spend our entire
lives waiting on the other shoe?

I want to be able to enjoy the
good times when we have them.

And these are the good times, baby!

They are.

But I can't enjoy them
if you won't enjoy them with me.

So, please...

pretty please, Michelle Taylor,

would you keep the damn necklace?

It does look amazing on me.

So you tried it on?

It doesn't cost anything to try it on.

Ah, no!

I need to see it.

Mm-mm.

(LAUGHS)

Ooh, yes.

At least tell me you got it on sale.

What? Baby, you know I got it on sale.

Mm-hmm, I choose to believe you.

Thank you.

Hi there.

What's up?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, what are you doing?

Forrest Klein-McCallum?

Speaking.

But we're not on the phone, so, uh...

you know, people say hello... hello.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Uh, should I follow you?

Okay.

So, uh, traffic was good.

To my man Forrest and his new gig.

- Cheers, man.
- Yes, I did it!

I'm back, baby!

MICHELLE: And...

- tonight is on us.
- Yeah!

- No argument.
- What?

Whoa, are you sure about that?

Yeah, the most expensive

thing on the menu is nine bucks.

BEN: Ah... oh, hey, baby.

- Hmm?
- I was thinking.

- After tonight,
- Mm-hmm.

all of the extra money
I make on this hotel gig,

it's going straight to start
the kids' college funds.

Oh, baby.

I am so proud of you, honey!

- Thanks, Deels.
- Look, I told you,

you had nothing to worry about.

Now, let's get you another drink.

Let's get you two because
Ben and Michelle are buying!

- Oh!
- Ooh!

- I'm gonna get you two.
- It's really on Ben.

- (LAUGHS)
- So, what exactly does your dad do?

It's so amazing.

He does performance reviews,

coordinates benefit packages,

conducts conflict mediation.

Man, being an adult blows.

Hey, thanks for having faith in me.

God, I was just so freaked out

by the uncertainty of it all.

But now, I know exactly what I'm gonna

be doing for the next 20 years.

- (CHUCKLES)
- Ah, uh, two margaritas.

Because it's the same thing I've
been doing for the last 20 years.

Yeah, that's, uh, that's
a good thing, right?

It's great.

They have a Karen in marketing, too.

Their, uh, uh, break room has,

has Ping-Pong instead of foosball.

And you know how I feel
about Ping-Pong, but...

I'll get used to it. The point is...

it won't be a challenge at all.

Are you... happy?

I don't know.

I was so scared that no
one was gonna give me a job.

But they did, and now...

I'm right back where I was.

Hmm.

Thank you. Oh, buddy, I, uh...

Well, I can't tell you what to do.

Because I'm done giving you advice.

But I can tell you this...

life is short.

And it's precious.

And starting over is

hard as hell.

But the good thing about it

is you can become something

that you never imagined.

That's some pretty solid non-advice.

Michelle, that necklace is so beautiful.

- Thanks, it's not real.
- Baby.

Oh, I'm sorry, it's a reflex.

(LAUGHS)

- Delia?
- What?

My sun, my moon...

Oh, my God, you're sun-mooning me.

What's going on?

I was so worried that I'd
never get another job in HR,

that I never stopped to think

if I actually wanted one.

Mm-hmm?

I don't know what's next,

but, uh, I think I'd like

to take a little time
to try and figure it out.

Oh, yeah?

- Is that okay?
- Yeah.

Thank you, Deels. I love you.

Yeah...

just loves those margaritas.

And, thank you, Wade,

for your sage advice.

Yeah. Thank you, Wade.

That... well, that's,
that's my margarita.

Delia... Oh, okay.

That's fine, you can have it.

Mmm. Ah. Wade.

He's a man... bravo, man!

(CHUCKLES)

Thanks so much for your help.

Really, I'm just so glad that I can

see Forrest follow his dream to...

figure out his dream.

That's fun.

Yeah, I-I am... Are you, are you okay?

Well, I'm gonna kill
you... is that okay?

So, chew on that.

I'm just kidding.

Relax, buddy.

No, but, seriously, you're dead to me.

All right, uh, you're-you're cut off.

- Oh, okay, I'm gonna cut you off.
- No more, no more margis.

I didn't want to have
more of these with you.

I'm cutting it off right now.

- Forrest?
- Yeah?

I would like to talk
to you about something

in the car.

Absolutely, yeah.

She likes to have sex
when she's enraged.

(CHUCKLES) I wonder what she's angry at.

- All right, let's go.
- Is that okay?

- I'll get the heater on.
- Is that okay, Wade?

(LAUGHS)