The Unicorn (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - Anna and the Unicorn - full transcript

I have this friend Wade,

and I just feel like you
guys would really hit it off.

- Yeah, I'm in.
- Oh, that's great!

I'm Anna, by the way.

- You're Delia's Anna?
- And you're Delia's Wade.

- I am.
- It was very nice meeting you, Wade.

Wade, what's up?

It was really nice to meet you.

("WE ALL HAD A REAL GOOD
TIME" BY EDGAR WINTER PLAYING)

♪ I don't remember how I got this way ♪

♪ I don't recall what
happened yesterday ♪



♪ And we all had ♪

- ♪ A real good time ♪
- Ha! Ow!

♪ Somebody told me I
was out of my mind... ♪

Are you okay, Dad?

- Huh?
- What is wrong with you?!

- Nothing!
- ♪ Feelin' fine. ♪

So... my dad was smiling
and dancing all morning.

And even gave me an
extra dollar for lunch

and said "Knock yourself out",

- so you know what that means, don't you?
- Yeah. Candy.

(SIGHS) You totally get me.

MICHELLE: Listen...

Wade is feeling good. Mm,
that woman's got him doing

backflips, singing spirituals.



Natalie said that?

No, but that's how I imagine it.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

All this from one kiss?

Mm-hmm.

If this is first base,

what is gonna happen if that boy

makes it all the way home?

DELIA: I called it.

Mm-hmm. I knew Anna was
gonna be right for Wade.

- What are you doing with those things?
- (EXHALES)

This is how they work, Forrest.

- Oh, this is gonna be so good for us.
- For us?

Yeah. Me and Anna.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

And you. It's gonna
be good for everyone.

Oh, yeah.

I don't think you're doing that right.

Yes, I am, Forrest.

Try not to mansplain... aah!

Do you have to let the dogs

up on everything? Seriously?

I got to say, I'm getting excited.

I mean, I hope she's getting excited.

You think she's getting excited?

Did she talk about me at all?

We're doctors. So it's not like
we sit around the break room

braiding each other's
hair, talking about boys.

You know, we're, we're pretty busy.

- Saving lives.
- Yeah. Of, of course.

- I'm sorry, I'm just a little nervous.
- I'm just kidding.

We totally talk about boys.

Specifically you. And she likes you.

She, like, likes you likes you.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- That's so great.
- I know.

- She's so much fun.
- Yeah.

She's so spontaneous.

She's an infectious disease
specialist. It's like,

when you've seen enough
people who've just been ravaged

by incurable flesh-eating parasites,

you really learn to live in the moment.

- Yeah.
- Spread 'em.

I mean, I have two kids.

So spontaneity is not
really my strong suit.

I just... Oh, I hope I
can keep up with her.

- Keep up with who?
- Oh, uh... Uh, just a date.

Nobody, nobody special.

Nice attitude.

The guy came in with the Chinese food.

- Can I have a credit card?
- Yeah.

- Just a date?
- Yeah. Just a date.

- Okay.
- What?

They don't need to know that.

That you like her?

Yeah. Okay. A little. Yeah.

I do. I do.

Yes!

I knew it!

Everyone should listen
to me all of the time.

Okay. I should probably go. So, you...

have fun.

(JOYCE WHINES)

Oh, Joyce, hi. Okay,

just one more cuddle before I go.

Don't you touch that dog.

I do not have time to roll you again,

- you back away.
- Okay.

Looking good, Dad.

Thank you. Why'd you
guys order so much food?

I couldn't remember if we like

chow mein or lo mein,
so we ordered both.

I won't be late. Lock the door.

I've got my phone.

And don't eat those
fortune cookies without me.

Of course not.

I think it's sesame
noodles that we like.

Dad, can we order more?

- Nope.
- Aw.

WADE: This table is amazing.

I was just happy to get
a reservation, but, wow,

they really pulled out
all the stops, huh?

Actually, I may have told the
hostess that it's your birthday

and you got a promotion. So
if you could just play along,

- that'd be really great.
- Birthday and a promotion?

- Life is good. I just have one question for you.
- Yes.

How old am I today?

Thirty-five.

- That's the best birthday ever.
- (LAUGHS)

Oh, my God.

It was so cute seeing Wade so excited.

I'm excited. And nervous.

No. Don't worry.

Wade's gonna be just fine.

Long as he doesn't say too
much or get too intense,

overthink anything, act
weird, or try to be funny,

he's good.

God, that's a lot of caveats.

FORREST: It is, but when
you're first dating somebody,

you have to present the
best version of yourself.

Bingo. There's no you
like early date you.

Oh, true. Early date me
didn't wear my glasses

for the first three weeks I knew you.

But you were still a
big, fine blur of a man.

(GIGGLES)

DELIA: Early date Forrest

- brought me soup when I was sick.
- Aw...

Yeah. He said he made it himself,

- but I knew he got it at a restaurant.
- That's sweet.

But now he leaves the door
open when he sits on the toilet.

If you want me to listen to
you while you're telling me

about your day, I got
to keep the door open.

Otherwise, it would be rude.

- How am I gonna hear you?
- Great logic.

You want me to be rude? God.

I mean, damned if you
do, damned if you don't.

I think you're just damned if you do.

(CHUCKLES): Hey.

Do you remember that

German film that we talked
about seeing together?

- No.
- Well, I feel really bad

because I already saw it with Anna.

- Okay.
- I'm sorry.

I will happily see it
again with you if you want.

No, seriously. I don't remember
us talking about this at all.

(SIGHS) Thanks for understanding. Whew.

Will you please just
finish it? You sure?

100%.

Yeah, for some reason no one ever wants

to finish the dessert. By the end,

it's like splitting an atom.

Okay. I'm going in.

- Good.
- I'm doing it.

(OINKS)

Did you just oink at me?

Maybe. Okay.

- This is your bite.
- (LAUGHS)

- Here we go.
- (LAUGHING)

I can take your check
whenever you're ready. Thanks.

Oh. Ooh,

uh... oh, oh, my God, it's 11:00.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. It's-it's 11:00.

- Yes.
- Guess we lost track of time.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Oh, no, come on.

I got this.

- I've got to get home to Grace and Natalie.
- Yeah.

(EXHALES) This was the
most amazing night ever.

I thought so, too.

- To be continued?
- Definitely.

How's tomorrow?

Oh! Was that too soon? Of
course that was too soon.

- I'm sorry. You have so much going on.
- No, no, I can make that work.

- Tomorrow it is.
- Okay.

Okay.

(CHUCKLES)

Aw. I taste the cake.

- (CHUCKLES)
- Guys.

- Mm?
- We're closed.

Ah, yes, sorry.

- Right.
- Uh, okay.

You waited for me.

Hey. Let's go to bed.

(MOANS)

(GRUNTS)

Ooh. Ooh.

(GRUNTS) No. Got to walk.

- What?
- You got to walk. You got to walk.

Got to walk, got to walk. Ow.

- Good morning, girls.
- GIRLS: Morning.

Sorry I was late last night, but
I made fortune cookie pancakes.

GIRLS: Ooh.

So, good date?

Yeah, it was, uh, you know, it was fun.

What about you girls? Did
you have fun last night?

Yeah. We watched the first half
of six different Netflix shows.

They've got this new one where
a vampire commits suicide.

Please don't watch that.

Hey, I was wondering

if you guys thought it was cool

if I go out again tonight?

Dad, come on. I was gonna
go over to Nika's house.

Her and Jenna were making

TikTok videos last night,
and I felt totally left out.

(EXHALES) I'm sorry.

You're right.

- Sorry about that.
- I mean,

it would be another thing if
my friends could come over here.

While I'm not home?

You know that we don't do that.

I know, but I'm 14 and a half.

In less than a year,
I'm gonna be driving.

What? Oh, my God.

Lexi has friends over
to her house all the time

without parents, and she's
two months younger than me.

You're that age, aren't you?

I mean, is it okay

with Nika and Jenna's parents?

- I'll make sure.
- Assuming that it is,

why don't we give it a try? Once,

to prove that you can handle it.

(LAUGHS) Thank you, Dad.

- What about my friends?
- No.

Your friends are way
too young to hang out

- without an adult here.
- That's okay.

I prefer hanging out with older girls.

It makes me feel cosmopolitan.

Ooh.

Did he text you, too?

Okay, you girls good?

- Wait, which one?
- Wait, did you respond?

I'm leaving, so, uh...

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

- Hello? Hey!
- I was freaking out...

Hi, Dad.

- Oh, you're still here.
- Yeah.

I'm just leaving now.

Oh, okay. Bye.

Okay, all right.

- Um, so-so...
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

Yeah, I've got my... I
got my phone with me.

And don't answer the door for anyone.

Uh, I'm not gonna be late.

What did he say?

And apparently you don't care.

- Yeah.
- Yeah! Yeah...

- So, this is really alligator?
- It is.

- I don't know.
- Oh, come on.

He'd eat you.

- You know what? That is not bad.
- (LAUGHS)

It tastes like crocodile.

(LAUGHS)

Hey, you know, there is a
photography exhibit at the Ackland.

I was thinking about
hitting it tomorrow.

- Any interest?
- Tomorrow?

- Do you have something with the girls?
- No, no, no.

Just the normal stuff.

They'll be on their phones all night,

and I'll be getting some invoices out.

- You know what?
- What?

Let's go see some photography tomorrow.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Mmm.

- You have alligator breath.
- Whose fault is that?

- Mine.
- Yours.

WADE: Grace, do you want
to invite your friends

to hang out this afternoon?

Hell yeah.

Pizza is on me.

(CHUCKLES)

♪♪

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

- (LAUGHTER)
- MICHELLE: Wade,

what's going on? You have so many kids

in your house, I thought
we were at my house.

That's because now my
house is the cool house,

where the cool kids
hang out, being cool,

because the cool dad
is very cool with it.

Tip from an actual cool
dad: you can't be cool

if you keep saying "cool" so much.

- Nice Velcro shoes.
- These are cool.

I waited in line two hours for these.

- At Macy's.
- Macy's is cool.

I don't know, Ben. I think

you're saying "cool" way too much.

DELIA: It is going off in there.

Yeah, it reminds me of when
Addie had that friend over.

I mean, it was her cousin,
but they went nuts.

DELIA: It was off the chain.

Um, do you and I need

to talk about the elephant
in the room? The 5K?

What?

I noticed that you didn't bring it up,

and I thought maybe you were worried

that I was gonna run
it with Anna this year.

Actually,

I was worried that you were
going to ask me to run it.

The only thing I hate
more than German films

is running around the
park in short shorts.

You know, you don't have to run,

but you could still wear the shorts.

That's cute. I hope that you understand

that even though I'm becoming

better and better friends with Anna...

- MICHELLE: Mm-hmm...
- that my friendship with you will

- always come first.
- Delia, I'm fine.

I'm actually not
worried about it at all.

I put you in a tough spot.

I see that. So, you know what?

You and I are gonna run that 5K.

- No, thanks.
- Yeah.

BEN: Speaking of Anna,

how's it been going, man?

Really good.

We've been going out a lot.

Drinks, museums.

- BEN: Check you out.
- Oh.

Early-date Wade in the house.

- FORREST: Museum? That's a classic early date.
- WADE: Yeah.

In fact, tonight, we're going to see

her favorite band,
the Drive-By Truckers.

- Nice.
- Oh, man.

- Okay, so, look...
- You got it under control.

- Yeah.
- Uh, yeah. It's been a little tricky,

you know, with schedules
and stuff like that,

but I've been keeping it cool

and loose. And managed
to keep the girls happy.

- Good for you, Wade.
- Yeah.

Of course, there's
gonna come a point where

early-date Wade has
to tell his daughters

that he's in a relationship.

- Sure.
- And Anna's gonna find out

that I'm not always this much fun.

But for now things are great.

- Let's live.
- It's so good.

That's it. Ride it out, Wade.

You ride that wave.

You never know.

Pretty soon, early-date Wade

might drop a deuce with the door open.

Like everybody doesn't do that.

Well, you do get used to it.

- That's so gross.
- It's not that gross.

Yes, it is. Real nasty.

Come on, tell me. What
was your first concert?

Ugh, no, it's too embarrassing.

That's not fair. I just
admitted to Jimmy Buffett.

- You have to tell me.
- Okay, okay, fine.

(CLEARS THROAT) NKOTB.

- What?
- NKOTB.

"Nktob". What... I-I don't
know what you're saying.

New Kids on the Block, okay?

I knew that would make you laugh.

Ugh. Parrothead.

- (CROWD CHEERING)
- Oh, whoa, hey.

Yes! The Truckers!

(WHOOPS)

No. Actually, there's a
few opening bands first.

- Do you know how these shows are?
- Yeah.

It's been a while. I mean, my last show

was Kung Fu Panda on Ice, and, trust me,

they started pretty promptly.

(LAUGHS) Hey, are you sure it's okay?

Yeah, it's fine, I'm just
gonna let the girls know.

Okay.

- (LAUGHTER)
- (PHONE VIBRATES)

Look. Madeline, Maddie and Maddie J.

are all over at Olivia's. We should go.

Oh. I mean, I can't leave Natalie,

and my dad just texted he's
not gonna be home for a while.

JENNA: Okay, well, we're still gonna go.

What? No.

Uh, come on, guys.

Let's just invite the Maddies over here.

Let's invite everyone.

Are both Kyles there?

I'll find out.

FORREST: You know, the secret

to a good mojito is muddling the mint.

You've been muddling
the mint for ten minutes.

- Mm-hmm.
- Can I have a drink

while you make my drink?

This is gonna be worth
the wait, Benjamint.

(PHONE VIBRATES)

Hey, Wade. What's going on?

Forrest, can you hear me?!

Forrest?!

Yeah, I can hear you.
I can hear you fine.

Technology is amazing these days.

This concert's running really late.

Grace and Natalie have
a bunch of girls over.

Can you just walk by for
me and-and check on 'em?

They're not answering their phone.

Yeah. Sure.

Uh, I am mid-muddle right now.

- This is only mid?
- (WHISPERS): Shut up.

- Forrest...
- Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Bye.

I have to admit, it was worth the wait.

Right? Imagine if I had the time

to give it a proper muddle.

Oh, hey, so I think
it really bothers Delia

that it doesn't bother Michelle

that Delia's spending
so much time with Anna.

She wants it to bother her?

Not... It's more like
she doesn't want it

to not bother her.

Wow. Your wife is complicated.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

Will you, uh, tell Michelle to fake it?

Tell her? Have you met Michelle?

- I'll ask her.
- (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING INSIDE)

Hey,

how many girls are
supposed to be over here?

I might be wrong, but I think

this all-girl party has boys.

You're a boy.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING, LAUGHTER)

Hey, uh, where's Grace and Natalie?

I don't know. I don't...

Oh, man, are they watching Magic Mike?

- No, that's Magic Mike XXL.
- What?

It's the sequel. It's only okay.

Natalie.

Hello.

Man, it's a good thing it's us.

If Delia and Michelle saw
this, these guys would be dead.

- Is this a party?
- Yeah, looks like it.

Well, this isn't okay.

I'm sorry, who are you?

Jenna's mom.

Which one's Jenna?

- You don't know who's in your house?
- This isn't our house.

No, we're just friends with the girls

whose party this is.

That sounded way worse than it is.

- Why?
- (SNIFFS)

It's a mojito.

No, no, no, no. Don't worry.

I'm about to call the dad.
It's all under control.

- (BARKING)
- Joyce!

Really, guys? Who left
the front door open?

This lady.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Hey, Ben, Forrest.

Jenna's mom.

Wade, we might have an issue here.

Jenna!

Jenna better hop a fence.

Let me just get a handle on this, okay?

I-I really want to drive you home.

Just a minute, okay?

Wade, just...

do what you got to do.

I-I'll take an Uber. Maybe
I'll see you tomorrow?

Yeah.

Okay.

(SIGHS) No.

I can't.

Oh. Okay.

(SIGHS) I want to. I would love to.

But I'm... I'm screwing up here.

(SIGHS)

I was...

I was trying to tell myself
that I could do this every night

and I could still be
a good dad, but I...

I can't.

And it's breaking my heart
because I really like you.

So I hope that when I say that...

that I can't see you tomorrow,
that you'll still want to

see me the day after tomorrow,
because I really believe

that there's something here.

Uh... hello.

WADE: Uh, h-hey.

Uh... um...

uh, Gr-Grace, thi-this is Anna.

Anna, this is Grace.

Hello.

Hi.

Uh, Joyce, this is Anna.

- Anna, that's Joyce.
- Hi, Joyce.

I'm just gonna...

WADE: Yeah.

I'm just gonna call an Uber.

Yeah.

I'm really sorry about the mess, Dad.

I guess I let things
get a little out of hand.

Yes, you did.

I'm more mad at myself than you.

I'm the adult here,

and I let you have a
little too much freedom

because I was feeling guilty.

About what?

About Anna.

About spending so much time with her.

And how I feel about her.

Because it's the first time...

Since Mom.

Yeah. Since Mom.

Hey... look,

this is all still very new,

and I have no idea where it's gonna go.

And I know that it's
gonna be a little weird.

It's super weird.

Yeah, that's what I was just saying.

No, no, no, like, like... it's weird.

Okay, point taken.

I'm sorry, Dad.

But Natalie and I aren't babies anymore.

Look, if she makes you happy, then...

we'll figure it out.

Thank you, Grace.

- What are you two fart heads talking about?
- Nothing.

We're just, uh, cleaning up.

- The sponge. Hey, where's the sponge?
- Uh, yes.

- Is there a sponge?
- Yeah, I think there's one under the sink.

Oh, there's one in the sink. All right.

- Going to bed?
- Night.

I'm gonna tell her tomorrow.

Good luck with that.

You know, maybe the day after tomorrow.

- Maybe the day after the...
- Maybe next month.

- Yeah, maybe... okay.
- (LAUGHS)

I'm so glad that you decided
to join us for the run today.

Well, I just realized after you
saw the German movie without me,

that I was worried I was
losing you as my friend.

I totally sensed that.

- And that could never happen because you are...
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)

- Anna! Hi.
- Hey.

So... you guys ready to run?

I just need to get
something in my stomach.

Really? I mean, yeah, okay.

I got some granola.

You know, there is that new brunch place

- right near the starting line.
- Panjo's.

Oh, I've been dying to try that place.

They have bottomless mimosas.

That's a lot before a run.

MICHELLE: Yes, it is.

You know what, though,
we've already given

- the charity our money.
- That's true.

The actual running is just symbolic.

So... you guys just want to bag the run?

Not completely. We'll get some
exercise walking to Panjo's.

I was gonna say let's drive.

I like you.

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- Can we stop by the...

starting line and get our free t-shirts?