The Ultimatum: Queer Love (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Is Love Enough - full transcript

["City on Fire" playing]

♪ Set the city on fire, light it up ♪

[Tiff] You guys ready?
Wait up, wait up! You guys ready?

And... go!

♪ I can't get over how you make me feel ♪

♪ Am I dreaming or is this real? ♪

Zoey, come here.

Good girl.

Oh, baby, she's gonna have to go.

[Zoey grumbling]

-She...
-[laughs]



She is sand.

-"Have a puppy," they said.
-"It'll be fun," they said.

[Tiff] Well, that's our youngest child.

I think that we should
definitely have alone dates.

Sometimes.

Welcome to parent life
with the fur babies.

I mean, I don't think
a human baby would do this,

but, like, I don't ever want
to have babies again.

[Tiff] Just, like, so much energy.

I feel that tired parent vibe
going on right now.

Babe, this is a lot of work.

Have you thought about...

Okay, I get it. Shylo and, like, Zoey
sometimes annoys the fuck out of us.

But, like, my son's already 16.



He's, like, a teenager,
and he'll be annoying in the sense of,

like, he might get an attitude
'cause he's a teenager, you know?

He's never ever
been disrespectful towards me.

-No, he's not disrespectful...
-Yeah.

Hope he's not, but, like...

Say we're at the beach,
and he's just having a really bad day.

And we're having a bad day with them,
and then...

It's an addition to our stress,
is what I'm trying to say.

What's that gonna look like for us?

I think sometimes
he wants your attention when I'm over,

and so he'll come to the door a lot.

You'll be like, "Hi. Can I help you?"
And he just sits there.

The amount of patience
you have towards him is so admirable.

I see how much you love him,
just by the way you talk to him.

And how gentle you are with him.

And I know sometimes

he can't really absorb something
that might seem pretty obvious to people,

but then you really take your time
to break it down

and just kinda, like,
let him come to his own answer.

You don't tell him how to be a kid.

You tell him how to
responsibly make his own choices,

to how he wants to live his life.

Mildred's child, he's special needs.

If I'm going to marry Mildred,
her son may have to live with us,

um, even into his adulthood.

My son, he's gonna be an adult soon,
and, you know, it's a lot.

[Tiff] If we do get married
and do have a family together,

I see adventure.

I see being able to experience a lot of
different things in life, you know?

That's what I wanna see,
I'm sure Josh'd want to be part of.

[Mildred] Yeah, definitely.

I think that just, like, having...

[chuckles] I think
that just having this, um...

-Oh God. Fuck, okay.
-[Mildred] Zoe.

Still want to move in?

[laughs]

Oh my God.

Gimme a kiss, babe.

I love you.

["We Are Golden" playing]

♪ We are golden ♪

♪ Yes, we are ♪

♪ Hear the thunder, see the stars ♪

[friend] Cheers for a...

-[Sam] Yes! Oh my gosh.
-[Aussie] Oh my gosh.

-Reunited, I guess. I don't know.
-Reunited.

-Hey. Oh my God.
-Oh my...

-Thank you.
-[laughter]

-How was your experience?
-[Sam] Yeah. I know how to speak up now.

And I'm always there
to just enable, at the end of the day.

-Aussie needs to handle this on her own.
-Stand up for me.

Yeah. Stand her ground and, like,
actually put forth what you learned.

-Yes.
-Yes.

Even before coming to the experience,
Aussie doesn't communicate.

Aussie is thinking in Aussie's head.

When I get tired or even stressed,
I'm a little short.

Okay.

[Sam] When that's happening,
you don't listen.

You're so in your head,
you don't actually know what's happening.

You have bad energy.
Like, you have bad energy.

-I don't have bad energy. I'm just...
-You don't think you do.

Yeah, but the thing is, I don't.

-You keep trying to defend yourself.
-Anyway, well...

But there's no need for that
'cause I'm talking.

New version of Sam. This is the new Sam.

I feel that you think
that it's all about my improvement.

You do understand
I have things to work on too, right?

I haven't seen it from you,
that you're different.

-[Sam] Really?
-You haven't seen the new Sam?

The new Sam.

You're trying to tell me
I'm not showing up different?

-[Aussie] No.
-You haven't seen any changes in me?

-I'm saying...
-That's offensive.

I haven't seen this new Sam
give me the benefit of the doubt,

see my side of the story.

You keep saying "new Sam." So are you
saying the new Sam doesn't listen to you?

I'm saying the new Sam may be
overcompensating for her needs

which were not met prior,

and now you don't even see my side.

-I don't know what you're asking.
-I liked how she's...

I just want you to see my side.

[Sam] Can you just entertain the idea that
the reason you don't like how I act now

is because I'm not giving in
to all your needs every time?

No, that's not it. That's bullshit.

-And I'm paying attention to my needs?
-I'm sorry. That's bullshit.

[Aussie] No, that's bullshit.

I think about you all the time.
I put you first.

But you're calling
her actual feelings bullshit?

How would you feel if she said that
about your feelings?

-She's saying that practically.
-I don't.

-But she literally did not.
-[Sam] I've never said that. Ever.

But you just...
You literally just said those words.

[tense music playing]

I've shut down. I'm sorry.

So this has been our main roadblock.

This "new version of me"
is literally just like,

"I'm not gonna keep enabling you anymore."

I'm going to actually speak up now,
and that is what Aussie doesn't like.

I'm cool to stay here.

-You can see if Aussie's okay?
-Yeah.

Oh my God.

[tense music fades out]

-How are you doing?
-[Aussie] Not good.

Maybe I'm not good enough for her,
you know?

I'm not there yet. I'm trying.

-What makes you think that you...
-But I... I'm trying.

But the thing is, I'm trying,
and I cannot have my partner dismiss

how I feel too.

-Dismiss my side of the story too.
-Mm-hmm.

I'm not where she's at, so, like...

What about my version? Which was like,
"I didn't mean to make you mad."

"I didn't mean to make you feel
like I was being rude to you. I'm sorry."

[frustrated sigh]

"There's two fucking people here.
You're not always fucking right."

"Can you please be open-minded enough
that I am telling you the truth?"

"My truth too."

"I'm accepting your truth.
Why can't you accept my truth?"

You know where it takes me back to,
is my fucking childhood.

Mm-hmm.

When I would be blamed for everything,
and it was not even my fucking fault.

[sobbing]

I didn't do shit.

I fucking didn't do shit!
I fucking didn't do shit!

-[shouts] I fucking didn't do it!
-Come here.

-I fucking didn't do it! I didn't do it.
-Come here.

[Aussie sobbing]
I'm just trying to be good enough.

["Heartache" by Joe Taylor playing]

♪ At the end of it all ♪

♪ It's just heartache ♪

[Aussie] I'm trying so hard.

I'm trying to be the...

perfect... girlfriend,

perfect lover, perfect kid,

perfect daughter, perfect co-worker,

perfect...

everything.

I'm still not good enough.

♪ Now I build my walls ♪

♪ Bury the pain ♪

I thought she'd come in.

-Maybe she needs fresh air.
-I thought she would too.

Thank you.

[Aussie breathing deeply]

Sorry... [sighs]

♪ At the end of it all ♪

♪ It's just heartache ♪

♪ Tried everything ♪

♪ For you to stay ♪

♪ But it was too late ♪

[dogs barking]

[song trails off]

Sometimes it's hard
to have conversations with you,

because I know how they're gonna turn out.

More so in terms of
just you listening to me,

and it doesn't become,
like, this fucking hot topic.

I've already said this.

You're very strong-willed.
You're very opinionated.

And sometimes...
I feel like I'm on the defense,

when I'm trying to tell you
how I'm feeling.

We don't have to feel the same way.

We can agree to disagree,
but listen and be like,

"Okay, well, that's not how I feel.
This is how I feel."

And not, like, making me feel
like I'm wrong or, like, dumb.

I think sometimes I can't get
out of my own head when we're in it.

One-upping one another
and making you question something.

I don't want that.

I was in mock trial.

I picked a lane and I argued for it
and in favor of it and consistently.

Nonstop.

-So...
-Sounds about right.

This is something I like about you,
when it's not, um... [chuckles]

...geared toward this lil... lil gal.

In terms of, like, marriage,

I don't want the games.

I'm not in... I'm not...
I'm not single. I don't want to be single.

I don't wanna feel like I'm single,
like I'm dating around,

and like somebody has a freaking area code
in their phone number for somebody else.

I don't want that.

-[laughs]
-I don't want that version of the game.

I don't think we really, like, do that.

-We don't.
-I don't think it's healthy to do that.

Like, I think we know of a couple
that does do a lot of petty gaminess.

Like, "How can I one-up this person?"

"How can I make this person,
like, want me," or, like, whatever.

If you're in a marriage,
I don't know if that's, like...

I would rather us make each other
want us in purposeful ways.

Like, I'd rather, our version
of, like, a "game," if you will,

is you coming home from work and me
wearing something sexy, cooking dinner.

If that's a game to us.

That'll be my game.

Okay.

-Yeah?
-Mm-hmm.

-[both laughing]
-["Show Me Love" by Cut One plays]

♪ You gotta show me, show me love ♪

♪ Show me, show me love ♪

[song trails off]

Um, what happened today...

[breathes heavily]

...was realization
that how I'm feeling in that moment,

which is so much anger and so much pain...

I said, "This feels like
when I was a kid."

[somber music playing]

[Aussie sniffles]

I didn't know it was there.

-Like, I had no idea.
-I know. I know.

But that's what I feel
every time we fight, like...

But you know
that I'm there for you, right?

-Yes, I know.
-Yeah.

-You have so much support and love.
-[Aussie] I know.

-And you don't even see all of it.
-I don't even see it. [chuckles, sniffs]

You're going through
a lot of, like, really heavy stuff.

Absolutely.

-[Sam] For me, marriage is about growth.
-[Aussie] Me too.

I think that it wouldn't make any sense
to hold unrealistic expectations of

"We're gonna come into this experience,

and we're gonna be
fully healed at the end."

But we need to communicate better.

I mean, I want to get there.

I love you.

Okay? I just don't feel
safe with you just yet, okay?

[somber music continuing]

Why do I feel some sort of a...?

Because that... that is something
that is not easy for anybody to hear.

A lot of things that you do
come off as selfish.

[Aussie] Mmm...

Right. [sniffs]

Right.

Yeah.

A lot of times, I literally feel
like I'm bending backwards

to help create a safe space for you.

-That freaking sucks.
-Mm-hmm.

So... moving forward, like,

how do you see
that situation changing, though?

[Aussie] Mm-mmm.

I feel like that's not,
like, a hard thing to answer.

Like, it's obvious.

Yeah.

Do you see how... Do you hear it right now?

-How you're raising...
-I feel annoyed.

-Yeah, why?
-Yeah.

-Why are you feeling annoyed?
-Why are you asking that dumb question?

You're being very disrespectful
to me right now.

[tense music plays]

You're speaking to me
in a very condescending tone.

Okay, so why did you ask me
that question, then?

Why are you asking me that?

Your whole tone just changed
to being very condescending.

But that's why I'm asking.

You're raising your voice at me
and calling my questions dumb.

Why would you ask me that? Why?

-Can you acknowledge that you're...
-Okay. I acknowledge. I'm sorry.

This is one of these moments
where you're being rude.

Okay, but I feel like
you're being rude to me by asking that...

-I'm not being rude to you.
-Sure.

I'm just saying...

[Aussie] Oi.

You're not in listening mode right now.

Because you're telling me
that I did something wrong.

-Like, no, I didn't.
-What'd I do?

Okay. So we're having the same issue
where you're feeling like I'm telling you

you did something wrong,
but I didn't say anything.

All right.

I'm listening to you.

Can you, like, be
in a less defensive position

where I feel like
you're actually listening to me?

Do you see the question you asked made me
feel the way I did? Do you see that too?

I didn't make you feel any way.

All right. Whatever.

-I didn't intend to make you feel any way.
-Okay. You're right. I know.

I'm good.

Okay, but let's not just blankly use
that "I'm good" statement, like...

I don't. I... I'm good.

What do you want me to do, mate?

You're starting to act
like an ass right now.

You started talking to me
in a very rude manner.

And you called me "mate"?

Okay.

I don't know.

Mate.

Why are you calling me "mate"
all of a sudden?

I don't know.

Can we... Are we done?

[Sam] So now you're just
gonna walk away? Like...

Yeah, I'm... I don't know. I don't wanna
talk about this shit anymore.

It's... Can I... Are we done?

[Sam] Are you really just
walking away from me right now?

[Aussie] Just... you know,
you haven't done anything wrong.

Just let me be.

I don't want to talk about this anymore.

You know what?
I can tell you, with certainty...

[Aussie] Mm-hmm.

...this is not what I want in a marriage.

Okay.

That's fine.

["The Love That We Seek" plays]

Apparently, I'm an ass right now,
so let me leave.

Yeah, you absolutely are.

[elevator dings]

♪ Is the road too long? ♪

[sorrowful ballad playing]

♪ Do you feel like your hope is gone? ♪

♪ Is the night too dark? ♪

[Aussie] Sam...

She's been my rock, you know?

[tearfully] When Sam
expressed that she was hurt,

she was trying her best.

I could see that. I know her.

I came on the experience...

for Sam and I's relationship.

And we both made a commitment
to fully immerse ourselves in this.

If she's telling you
this is what she needs...

and you're waiting because of
your insecurities and your fears?

Because of past... past hurts?

You're gonna lose that person that...

that means the world to you.

So, I'm getting very clear on that.

That I... I don't want to lose the person...

[sniffles]

...that I know is the one.

[music intensifies]

♪ Do we have the strength
To believe in it? ♪

♪ Where is the love that we seek? ♪

[Aussie] I'm sorry.

♪ Where is the truth to believe in? ♪

-["Celebrate the Feeling" playing]
-♪ Be you, do you, for you ♪

♪ Act like a lady ♪

♪ Think like a boss, like a boss, yeah ♪

[Vanessa] Papa, Papa.

That's my future.
I'm gonna be a handsome man.

-[Mark] Hey, guys!
-Hi.

-Great to see you.
-Good to see you.

-You look so good.
-You look so good.

-Oh, thanks.
-Welcome.

Haven't seen you guys in a while.

So you guys have been living
back with each other for...

-Two weeks now.
-Two weeks. Yeah.

[Xander] We've gone through a lot of stuff

I feel that we have not
talked about before.

And I don't know, like, it's hard.

Yeah, so...

-Yeah. So you met Rae, my trial wife.
-[Mark] Mm-hmm. Yes.

I think I finally came to the conclusion
that I do want to marry someone

and have a kid with someone

and raising them
and having that connection.

And I do really love you.

And I do see a future with us.

So it's been really hard that that's
how I came out of my trial marriage.

-And then to be thrown into... this.
-Yeah.

A month ago, I thought
I was gonna come into this

and be like,
"Now let's figure some stuff out."

-And I have been, like, super guarded.
-Guarded with me, not with Yoly.

Oh yeah, sorry.
Yeah, I've been guarded with Vanessa.

Once we started living together,
there were so many things in my head.

Like, it just felt so different.

I still am trying to place, like,
what that means for us and for our future.

The thing is,
we do love each other so much,

and we do care about each other so much.

But then I was
with my trial marriage partner,

and she also is,
like, ready to get married

and have kids and everything.

[tense music builds slowly]

It was easy and natural,
and one of the biggest things was

that Yoly kept asking me,
"What does Xander need?"

And I feel like
I've never been asked that before, ever.

Like, that's something I needed.

I'm not someone to just, like,
pour my heart out right away, right?

It did mean a lot that I was like,

"Okay. I feel I trust this girl
enough to tell her things,"

and she was telling me stuff.

I think we learned a lot from each other.

I think I learned a lot about myself also.
Everything's just been turned around now.

That's a lot for you to process there.

-I know.
-[Mark] Wow.

The perspective of coming here was

Xander wanted to get married,
and you didn't.

After you've been through this, you wanna
get married. That's what you're saying.

Yeah.

It's undeniable that a part of that is
you don't want to lose Xander.

You'd be willing to maybe do something
that you wouldn't have done before

because of that fear of loss.

-Right?
-There's a part.

-But that's not dominant...
-No, it has to be there.

I'll tell you, I've been a victim of this
where someone is pulling away from you,

and you want to win them back...

to win them back
because you want to be chosen, right?

But I know, looking back at myself,
in one particular relationship

where I thought, "Oh my God.
I really love this person. I have..."

Afterwards, I look back, and I thought,
"That was totally my ego kicking in."

[dramatic music playing]

Certainly, I guess what I'm hearing is

Xander progressed more
with, like, a self-analysis

and really trying to figure out,

"What do I want?
And what's gonna make me happy?"

-Yeah.
-Um, so...

-I disagree with that.
-Okay.

I feel like I did that just the same.

Okay. Um...

Just because I didn't... love someone
and have sex with them a lot...

-That didn't need to happen.
-Okay.

My heart's never broken like this.

[dramatic music continuing]

♪ When it comes crashing down ♪

[song trails off]

So what's going on?

I don't know how much Mal told you
about the process,

who I ended up
doing my trial marriage with.

At first I was like, "This is cool, cute."

Like, we'll grow, I figured.

After a week with Xander,

I was just kind of like, "Oh shit."

What is the "oh shit" part?

The "oh shit" was
me falling in love with Xander.

-And... feeling a connection there.
-What?

[Yoly] Mm-hmm.

-[Alicia] I'm confused.
-What's confusing?

-This is your person.
-[Yoly] I came...

This is a lot. I'm in shock.
I don't know what to say.

I know.

It is a lot.

How do you feel?

Um...

I mean... I just...

Such a generalized question, but, like...

That wasn't the plan. A little bamboozled.

-[Alicia] It doesn't sound real.
-[Mal] Right.

I'm sitting here with you guys,
and I'm like...

It never made me
feel like I love Mal any less.

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no...

Yep.

So... So what does that mean, Yoly?

What does that mean for...
How do you feel about Mal?

[Yoly] I love Mal so much.

She's a best friend.
She is kin to me. She...

The connection here is untouched.

To me, at least. Beyond.

But, when I think about
solidifying my future, I worry.

And this person has that checked off.

You're saying you... kinda love them both.

How does three weeks
measure up to three years?

It's... hard for me to say.

I didn't realize
I was so terrible in three years.

[Yoly] Not saying you're terrible.

If it was just me,
if I didn't want children, no problem.

I can deal with her messiness.
I can deal with her inconsistency,

with being annoyed, 'cause it's just me.

But when I think about... having children,
that's what's fucked me up.

I... [chuckling scoff]

Are you a godmother to any children?

No.

I... Multiple people have asked me
to be their godparent.

And that's beautiful.

[Mal] Because I do show up responsible.

As a person that can be a great mother.
And they all affirm me of that often.

So, when you tell me you're unsure
of the type of parent I could be,

I don't understand you.

So, I feel like, what is it, actually?
It can't be just that.

I'm 34. I don't have many viable years.

And if this person's not ready,
then let me find somebody who's ready.

Are you also confident that

this Xander person...
is gonna give you that?

[Yoly] In these three weeks,
we had talks about what we would do,

how we would handle it. Finances...

She is on the right kind of insurance
that would cover.

She also has money aside that would cover
any kind of, like, outside expenses.

-And she's...
-You saw that account?

You have seen her finances for this?

You guys have talked
that deeply about this?

First time hearing this.

Makes much more sense
as to why you're so in love.

'Cause I was confused, and now I'm not.

Finances. This changes the game.

Mal, to be completely clear,
I'm not judging you

based on your fucking bank account.
But, like, IVF is a very real possibility.

Have I not shown up that way?

[Yoly] Are you starting to save for it?

Yes.

You're not doing that.
You have not done that.

Okay. Okay.

Yo, Yoly, I'm trippin'.
I'm really trippin' right now.

Okay. Goodbye.

[suspenseful music playing]

[Yoly grunts softly]

No...

This situation is just fucked up.

Trash.

-Complete trash.
-It's trash.

Sometimes love is not enough.

And Yoly is kinda saying that.

"Love is not enough."

[suspenseful music fades out]

[sucks teeth] If I proposed,
would you still approve?

Never heard you pause
this long on a question.

[wry chuckle]

What is best for Mal?

["Who Calls it Love" playing]

♪ Who calls it love? ♪

♪ Who calls it love? ♪

♪ That leaves us all in pain ♪

♪ Who calls it love? ♪

♪ Who calls it love... ♪

Hi, Zoey.

Today is the last night
that we're spending together,

so I just want to stay in and cuddle
and, like, talk to you about life.

Before me coming into this experience,
I wasn't deeply thinking about marriage,

and all of a sudden, now I actually am
thinking about marriage with you.

We both want the same things.

Working together and, like,
getting to where we need to be next.

That's something that I lived through,
like, before, when I was married.

-I learned so much from it, and I just...
-What did you learn from it?

Looking back at it,
I know that I was not in love with my ex.

I married her because I trusted her.

-You married her because you trusted her?
-I did trust...

You didn't marry her
because you were in love with her?

That's not... Tiff.
Yeah, I'm not truly in love,

but I do love them as a human,
as a person, as what we have.

But, the fact is, you were actually
never in love with your ex-wife.

-Mm-hmm.
-Yet you married her.

[tense music plays]

That's very scary because I actually am
thinking about marriage with you.

You telling me that you love me,
which I'm sure you did with her,

and now I'm thinking in my head,
"What does that mean to me?"

I don't think people that marry
only marry for one reason, Tiff.

We both really, strongly wanted
to have businesses,

and we both looked at life
in the same direction. We...

So you married your business partner?
That's like a little red flag to me.

I thought I loved her,
in the moment that I decided to marry her.

We decided to go sign a paper
and go do what we thought marriage was.

People were like, "You guys are crazy.
This is fast. What if it doesn't work?"

I didn't care about all that.
I wanted to do it because I wanted to.

What you're saying right now is...
It's bullshit, Mildred.

You go back and forth between,

"I loved this person but I wasn't in love.
I didn't know what love meant."

Your version of love is
all over the place.

Do you really take marriage seriously?

Because maybe you just want
these "ideas of marriage"

more than you actually want the person.

Do you think your son deserves to have
parents that are in love with each other?

You'll never know,
because you don't have a son,

and you're not a single mother. And you...

I know what it's like to be a child
with parents not loving each other.

You know what it is to be the child...

And that's why I want you solid with me
to know when you say that you love me,

I need to know how you define...

That makes sense
that you want something solid now, Tiff,

but you are sitting here,
defining me by my actions in the past.

You're sitting here,
defining my love for you

with the love that I had for my ex-wife.

But what I will not allow you to do is
to tell me that

the same way I was confused when I married

is the same way I'm confused now.

That I won't allow you to,
because I know what I feel.

I see failed marriages
everywhere around me.

I'm just like, "Why the fuck
would someone want to get married

to someone that isn't
in love with them to begin with?"

-["The Greatest" playing]
-♪ I'm gonna break you, break you down ♪

♪ Ah ya ♪

♪ It's all or nothing, nothing now ♪

I know that right now I'm solid,
and I know what I feel.

And if that's something
that is not enough for you,

maybe that means
you're not the person I need to marry.

[singer vocalizing]

[song ends]

[Aussie] How do you feel about
it being our last night together?

-I'm very independent.
-[Aussie] Yeah.

[Sam] But obviously you're not
the only one with insecurities.

-[Aussie] Mmm.
-I hate to say it, but I've had moments...

Um, I physically felt
the wall that you put up.

I physically saw
a different face on you, like...

Those were some very lonely moments.

This experience has highlighted for me,
I gotta be intentional.

Every interaction, every emotion.

Like, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Every moment in this experience matters.

My ability to hear you
when you tell me of your needs,

that is so tied to the root of
all the other issues I'm trying to solve.

Like, unconditional love towards myself.

If I could fix the root of the issue,
then I think that, when I have self-love,

I'm able to love you. [chuckles]

Yeah.

I'm actually embarrassed to...

Um, for you...

-For me?
-...for you to see, like, to meet my family.

-You're embarrassed?
-I'm embarrassed.

Why?

Because, like, they're...
Like my brother was trying to say,

in a really nice way,
they're pretty close-minded people.

Obviously the goal here is that we are
hoping to get engaged at the end of this.

If this person sees me being
my full authentic self as a bad thing,

then what are they doing in my life?

We shouldn't be surrounded
by people who are trying to bring us down.

We should be surrounded
by people who empower us

and make us feel like we are
amazing and beautiful and strong.

-All those things.
-Yeah.

I would like to experience

what it would be like
to grow up in a happy home.

[sweet, gentle music playing]

[Aussie crying softly]

I really believe that, if it wasn't
for my experience with my grandma,

I wouldn't know how to love.

With everything I've been through,
I don't think I would.

I would just be in pain,
and I would just not even know how to...

And... [sighs]

I told you before, too, your brother too.

-Ron.
-Mm-hmm. Yeah.

He is a lot of how he is
because you raised him.

[chuckling] Yeah. [sniffs]

Yeah.

Thank you for that.

But I don't regret anything.

My mom did the best she could
with what she had.

My dad, even my dad did
the best he could with what he had.

-You know? So, um...
-Right. Right.

And I know they did their best
because everyone's doing their best.

In every moment.

Yeah. Including you.

Including me. [chuckles]

-Yeah.
-You forget that one the most.

I do.

["High Tide" playing]

♪ In these times ♪

♪ On these nights ♪

♪ In the hard times ♪

♪ We're all each other has
Until the morning lights ♪

♪ I don't wanna fall in love ♪

♪ Listen to my heartbeat
Follow to the shoreline... ♪

I would like our last night to be,
like, peaceful and full of love.

-Sounds good.
-What do you want?

Same.

I want pizza.

That's your sad girl food.

[laughs]

Not you knowing me.

[chuckles] It is.

But this isn't light.

This isn't picking a restaurant.

[scoffs] Like, this is a big fucking deal.

How do you think
our trial marriage has gone?

It's a little bit of a blur. Um...

Got to learn new things about you.

-In a good way or bad way?
-[Mal] I don't know.

It feels like home.
Like, you feel like home to me.

And sometimes home is
an amazing place to be,

and sometimes home just isn't.

-[Yoly] Mm-hmm.
-But it's always still home.

How do you think
your trial marriage went with me?

Um... I think at first it was super hard.

It was hard and heart-wrenching

for my own reasons
of just feeling, like, bad, guilty.

And also kinda feeling mad at you,
but those feelings settled.

You... You are amazing.
You've been showing up.

Fucking incredible.
More than I can ask for.

Like, more than I imagined.

[gentle, affectionate music playing]

I like who I've grown to be with you.

Um...

-That doesn't mean it's been easy.
-It's like that growth spurt I never had.

I heard about everyone having
growing pains where they had...

Your bones hurt,
and you grow an inch overnight.

That's what it feels like in here. Like...

The growth spurt.
Yeah, that's a perfect analogy.

-Growing pains and all that shit.
-Happened pretty quick.

[Mal] This trial marriage has been tough.

I've shown up all the ways I could.

I've, like, led with love
every single day.

I'm not trying to pressure Yoly.

I'm not trying to force her hand.

But I can't help but think
that this could literally be

my final night that I spend with Yoly.

Like, forever.

[Yoly] Do you want help?

I spoke to your parents.

About what?

I asked for their blessing
in proposing to you.

It was both of them,
and I was like... [inhales] "Oh snap."

I was like, "I wanna be honest. I don't
know what your daughter's gonna say."

"But I want you guys
to know that I love her."

"And I'm not just marrying her.
I'm marrying you guys too."

-Were you scared?
-[Mal] Yes.

Especially to speak to your father. Yes.

What was nice was to hear them
be like, "You're family to us."

And they were like, "That's so nice."

"Of course you have our blessing.
That's not a question."

"It's about time." Like...

I'm proud of you because I know
that must've been nerve-racking, wrecking.

And I'm sure you were nervous as fuck.

And for you to stand up for a decision
that you're about to make is huge.

Family is number one for me,
and to see you honor my family before...

trying to start
creating a family with me is... is

what I wanted
since we've started this process.

What I'm really proud about us

is the way we are really dedicated
to figure things out together.

I like doing life with you.

Me too.

Is there anything
that's making you question yourself?

In moving forward? Okay.

[Mal] Mm-mmm.

-Which is really odd for me to be so sure.
-[Yoly] For you.

Hey.

You did a good job, babe.

["It's in My Heart" playing]

♪ So I'll reach a little further ♪

-[Rae] Wow.
-[Lexi] Super cute.

Little waterfall for ya.

Cheers to, any way you slice it,

our last date night as girlfriends.

-[Rae] Oh boy.
-Or whatever that means.

[Lexi] Whoo.

Do you remember that date

where... I had, like,
handwritten out the menu?

When you were really trying to woo me.

Really was trying to woo you.

Life with you has always just been good.

I think I really was hopeful
that this experience would give us

what we needed to take that next step.

I do feel like it's always been you.

I've never really wavered in that.

I've always known.

[Rae] Well, this is getting hot.

[Lexi] Getting hot in here?
You gonna take off all your clothes?

-I might take off some of my clothes.
-[laughs]

[Lexi] I really love you.

[Rae] I know I love you.

I know this.

I love our three years.

[exhales heavily]

Every time I talk about this
it makes me cry.

[Lexi] I love you too.

I don't wanna lose what we have.

But, like, I need
more concrete answers right now.

[Rae] I am still, like,

going through, like,

"What about this? What about that?"
You know me.

-I know.
-[Rae] I think forever is hard for me.

This is a big commitment.

It's a weird situation.

It is the ultimatum.

Like, I feel back-against-the-wall,

and it's either making a decision
or losing you.

But there's, like, so many factors

that kind of get in the way
or, like, block me

or make me second-guess... things.

You can talk about Vanessa. That's okay.

Yeah? You have no secrets?

No bodies in the closet?

I already said it before.

[Lexi] I'm just trying to, you know,

give you the room to feel settled
in whatever decision you make.

I've told you how I feel about it.

-This is weird.
-Yeah.

You're gonna make
the decision that's right for you.

I'm gonna make
the one that's right for me.

["Runaway" by The Rigs playing]

This is weird.

♪ You saw my eyes
But the soul that they hide wasn't me ♪

[singer vocalizing]

♪ Like a runaway, runaway, ooh ♪

♪ Like a runaway, runaway, ooh ♪

-♪ Ooh ♪
-[song fades out]

[Vanessa] Hot toddy. Love it.

-[laughs]
-It's funky.

It's funky?

[Xander] It's definitely funky.

It's so interesting because...
So many heavy conversations,

but you say "funky" the way you said it,
and I'm like, "That's my Xander."

I feel like I've lost you.

Then I'm like, "There she is."
And I love those glimpses.

This experience has changed me so much.

To come into this experience
thinking I'm ready to get married,

and then to be so confused

and feeling like,
"I don't know who should be my partner,

and I have feelings for two people."

[clears throat]

Something I've been thinking about a lot
is my capacity to love

and how that affected our relationship
for, like, four years.

Like, I really feel like I didn't

know...

how to love.

Like, I loved you,
but I didn't realize until...

being here,

like, how much I could love someone.

So now, looking back, I realize that

I didn't give you
all the love I had in me.

[somber music playing]

[Xander] I see all of your change.

I also always knew you did love me.

I wouldn't have stayed if I didn't.

[exhales shakily]

I'm not over this yet.

[gentle, ethereal music playing]

[mouthing] I love you.

[gentle, ethereal music builds]

[Vanessa] I love you.

[Xander] I love you so much more.

[soft, soulful pop song playing]

You're all packed up?

Gonna say bye to Shylo.

Bye, little baby.

[Lexi] Decision day is coming,

and there's a chance
I could lose the love of my life.

I would love
to just take us away from here.

But I also know I need to be chosen.

I don't know how the biggest parts
of my life would look without you.

-♪ Holdin' on ♪
-[Rae sniffs]

[Vanessa] The unknown gets decided.

I don't know if I'm ready to face... that.

-[Xander] Mm-hmm.
-♪ 'Cause I don't know how to lose you ♪

Thank you for everything.

You know it was worth it.

Okay, bye.

-[sighs deeply]
-♪ To breathe you in again ♪

♪ Is all that I want ♪

[Mal] We'll never be who we were.

Mm-mmm.

Whether we walk together or not.

Haven't given up.
I'm just in a place where I'm like...

"What else can I say?
Like, what else can I say?"

Nobody tried harder than us.

Nobody believed in us more than we did.

I really don't have words
for how this feels.

♪ I don't know how to leave here ♪

[dramatic music playing]

Our couples accepted the ultimatum
just two months ago

and committed to experiencing
two visions of what marriage could be.

All to find out,
"Am I really with the person

that I could spend
the rest of my life with?"

"Or is there someone else out there
who might be a better fit?"

Who has found the one?

Who will propose?

Who will walk away alone?

Now time is up on The Ultimatum.

[dramatic music peaks and fades out]

[pensive music playing]

I don't even know what I'm feeling.

Confused? Um, overwhelmed?

I can be leaving here engaged to Mal,
leave here with Xander,

or I can leave alone.

[Mal] This has been
a very trying experience.

I'm feeling

anxious.

I mean, I felt better coming in here
than I do leaving.

[music intensifies]

[sniffling]

[Yoly] I'm feeling pulled
in two different directions.

I have... Mal,
who I wanted to marry coming in here.

We have this history. We have our love.

And, like, I think that Mal wants to work

and see this through
the way she has been the last three weeks.

Then I've got Xander.

We connect in so many fucking ways.

We want the same things.

We respect and love each other
the same kind of way...

And who has said she's ready
to, like, do this thing with me.

It's not so much I'm uncertain.

I'm certain of what it would look like
with either one.

I just don't know
what the fuck I'm gonna do.

[Mal] I received the ultimatum,
and now it's time

to decide what I'm gonna do.

I don't even know.

♪ I've been waiting for you ♪

♪ I've been waiting for you ♪

[singer vocalizing]

♪ I've been waiting for ♪

♪ You ♪

[Mal] We came into this experience
on two very opposite ends of the stick.

I wasn't dragging my feet for no reason.

But this experience has revolutionized
my idea of marriage.

It's not about, "Do you guys
have enough savings to do that?"

It's about Yoly and I.

[Yoly] Issuing the ultimatum,
I have been forced to confront

all the issues that I didn't even know
were pulling me back.

My needs were not being met.

But there's also
a lot of love and support.

[Mal] I want Yoly to be happy.
I love her with everything I have.

But she's expressed to me
she's in love with two people.

So I am torn.

I'm not nervous
telling Yoly how I feel at this point.

I... I'm nervous this could be really
the last time that I have the chance.

["Here We Come" playing]

[Yoly] My heart and my mind
are in two different places.

I want it all. I want
my what-could-be life with Xander,

and I want what my life
with Mal has been also.

God, I'm gonna fucking vomit.

Like, either way, I'm scared
of losing somebody who I love.

♪ Here we come ♪

♪ Here we come ♪

I just don't know
who I want to spend my life with.

♪ Here we come ♪

♪ Here we come ♪

[song fades out]

Oh God.

Oh God.

-You look good.
-Thank you.

-You look great, yourself.
-Very good. Thank you.

So...

-[exhales sharply]
-Um...

Do you want to get closer? You good?

-[sighs] I just don't know.
-Okay.

-Here? I can get closer.
-No, you're fine.

Whatever is comfortable for you.

Um...

This has been
the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

And when I think about
our relationship in retrospect,

I remember putting a wall up

and closing behind
and making you chase me.

I don't want to do that anymore.
I'm done doing that.

[gentle, soulful music playing]

I think you deserve the world.
I've always thought that.

[breathes deeply]

[Mal] Are you okay?

[Yoly] Um...

[chuckles, sniffles]

What you said was beautiful.

I, like, hear you and see you
and believe you in what you're saying.

I want you to know
I'm still in love with somebody else.

[tense music playing]

I feel like I knew that.

I haven't walked away.

[soft music playing]

I wrote you something.

Um...

I wrote, um...

"You're my family. You're my teacher."

"You're my best friend."

"You challenge the toughest parts of me,
and you still love me."

"You reflect all the best parts of me
I don't always see in myself."

"The parts I don't think
I always deserve."

"You're humble.
You're a fighter. You're loyal."

"You're just the right amount of crazy."

"It has been the sweetest gift
to watch you,

to let alone love you,
and even a bigger honor to join you."

"I choose you, Yoly."

"I promise to keep choosing you
and us, daily."

"I knew it was you
three weeks into dating you."

"Three years ago."

"It's always been you."

"I know it's you now."

"And if it's not now...

[dramatic music builds slowly]

...I promise to come looking for you
in the next lifetime."

"But not without asking you..."

[grunts softly]

"Will you do life with me?"

"And will you marry me?"

[dramatic music intensifies]

[Yoly sniffling]

♪ Dangerous games ♪

[dramatic pop song plays]

[Tiff] Whether I get down
on one knee or not

is going to alter
the course of my life forever.

♪ Dangerous games ♪

[Lexi] This could be
the first moment of the rest of your life,

or it could be
the last moment of Rae and Lexi.

[Sam] In our three weeks together,

there are just so many
of those moments of just, like...

you walking away.

Yeah.

I don't know if Aussie is ready
to be what I need for me.

[singers vocalizing]

[Xander] I've had dreams
of proposing to her,

and I've had dreams
of watching her walk down the aisle.

I really cannot imagine
my life without her in it.

I am definitely risking
losing her forever.

♪ Dangerous games ♪

[Yoly sobbing]

♪ I'm breaking all the rules ♪

♪ I'm playing it so cool ♪

♪ I'm playing it so cool, baby ♪

♪ I'm breaking all the rules ♪

♪ I'm playing it so cool ♪

♪ I'm playing it so cool, baby ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm never gonna ever stop ♪

♪ I'm always gonna shake it up ♪

♪ Always gonna shake it up ♪

[song trails off]