The Ultimatum: Queer Love (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Changeover - full transcript

[raucous pop song playing]

♪ You pull me closer and I start to run ♪

♪ You like it better
When it's one-on-one ♪

♪ Come on down ♪

-Hi.
-Cheers.

[exhales] I'm fucking shaking.

Hello, everybody.

-How are you all?
-[contestants] Hi.

You all came here
talking about getting married.

And you all accepted the ultimatum
with the same goal in mind.

Now your first vision of marriage
is coming to an end.



Tiff and Sam.

Vanessa and Rae.

Lexi and Mal.

Aussie and Mildred.

Yoly and Xander.

Tonight could be the last time
that you are together as new couples.

But we are only
halfway through this experience.

Tonight, when you leave here,
you will begin your second trial marriage.

Then, at the end of this experience,
you will all have to decide.

Will you leave here engaged to the person
that you came here with?

Will you leave here with the person
you've spent the last three weeks with?

Or will you leave here single?

[dramatic music playing]

Tiff and Sam.



What has your experience been like?

I came into this experience, um,

with anger issues
with my previous partner.

And it actually reflected
very quickly onto Sam.

[pensive music playing]

It was a roller coaster. [chuckles]

I know Sam's been working on
the ability to speak up.

That is... something
you've been really good at.

I feel like together
we both just learned a lot.

Like, just every single challenge
that was thrown at us.

We had this ability
of talking through things.

And so it was about us
learning how to set our boundaries.

[Tiff] Yeah.

Now we have the tools

to hopefully bring back
to our relationships.

I don't think that I could ask
for it to have played out any other way.

Yeah. Samesies.

-Samesies?
-Samesies.

Okay.

I love what you both said,
and I think you guys are amazing.

I'm really proud of you. Yeah.

Aussie and Mildred.
How was your first trial marriage?

You wanna go first?

Go ahead.

It started off really well.

And then that last week... I pulled out.

-You pulled out?
-I pulled out.

There was things that she was doing
that was kind of passive-aggressive.

And she was pretty... pretty intense.

It just didn't feel safe for me.

For me, the trial marriage
was very important.

And I was robbed
from part of my experience.

It might not seem to you...
I was gentle with you.

I'm always going to push,
and I'm always going to want to talk,

because I want to be in a partnership.

Wow.

[Mildred] I didn't get the opportunity
to voice to you what I was going through.

And I'm sure that you have a lot
you want to say to me as well.

I don't think there's any more we can say
about the situation or the versions...

I have a lot to say, Aussie.

-[Aussie] Okay.
-You can speak for yourself.

I have never even heard or met anyone

that can't communicate... like this.

Why are you saying
things that aren't true?

What... What's not true?

-Oh, that I shut you out. That's not true.
-[Mildred] Yeah.

Yeah.

I was open the whole time.

It's not that, mate.

You're not seeing from my side.

I... I wasn't ready to talk.

Give me time to regroup.

Then I can come to you and be
without my shield, without my armor.

That's what I wanted.

Why did you leave?

You just don't leave
on your marriage like that.

But that was the thing. I...

What does that say to symbolize
how you would be in your own marriage

in the future?

That you just leave when times get hard?

It was very painful to feel that
someone refused to communicate with me.

Even though I felt
we had a good connection.

My mother abandoned me
when I was five years old,

and... you repeat that for me.

[somber music playing]

[Sam] Mildred, take that time
to realize that you are important.

Don't hold those things
that happened in that relationship

in your new one moving forward.

-Don't take all the crap with you.
-Thank you, Sam.

[exhales heavily] Um...

Yes, I need to improve my...
on my communication,

um, but I do feel that
I had to put myself first.

I put everything into this.

And I'm disappointed
that we didn't get to continue that.

I know I took that from you.

And... I have no animosity
in my heart for you.

I do know that, as you reflect back on it,

there will be some gems to take from this,
and I wish that for you.

So, Vanessa and Rae,
how was living together?

[Vanessa] I would say
so easy, surprisingly easy.

Rae is certainly not my typical type
of personality or physicality.

Like, she's beautiful,
but Rae is like... a wild card for me.

I feel like I just blacked out here,

and I'm like, "Oh my God.
What was the past three weeks?"

[light laughter]

I think, like, I've been trying
to be better at

maybe making decisions for myself quicker
or not leaning on so many other people.

Like, "What should I do here?"
More like, "What do I want?"

I'm the one that has to make the decision
and live with it.

How did we end up together, both being
the same type of person in a relationship?

What is that role?

I see, like, a selfishness in us.

And part of what Lexi and I
always talk about is compromise.

And I'm not saying I never compromise,
'cause I... don't think that's true.

But, um...

But I think there are a lot of ways

that we can show up better
in our relationships.

I think I have a lot of negative self-talk
sometimes, and, like, she helps me

kind of feel valued.

She makes me laugh.

It's annoying, but...

We both realized that we have been given
so much love by our partners.

I'm not just talking about you, Xander.
I'm talking about previous partners too.

People just offer me unconditional love.

And I, only through Rae, realized that,
like, I never felt like I deserved it.

That's why I always just, like,

push away permanency
or the long-term commitment.

I understand her,

and we've really
been working on ourselves.

I'm telling you,
she had a fixation, and I was it.

I would say there was not romance.

It's just this one night that...
there was a fun-ness, excitement,

and there was a little bit of physicality.

And, like, a very, like, small moment.

And I woke up the next morning.

I literally sat at the edge of the bed
and was like, "Oh fuck."

Like, "What the fuck?"

And I think we learned a little bit
about ourselves in that situation.

I think Lexi and I talked
in the beginning of this

about feeling you kinda get into

a complacent, comfortable feeling
with your partner when it's been so long.

And I think Lexi and I have talked a lot
about me being an initiator,

and I've kind of always been like,
"Yeah, I'll do it."

And, like, I never do it.

And I think maybe
we buy lingerie for each other,

maybe we both buy lingerie
for ourself, and it's a surprise.

Why have I never done that?

Like, I've been in a relationship
for four years,

and I think, when I reached
maybe the three-year mark,

I was just like, "I'm with my best friend,
my partner, my lover."

"But more so best friend
than anything else."

And something I've wondered about is,
"How do you get that spark back?"

Is that what I need?

Like, one crazy night
every three or four years to feel like,

"Okay, that was exciting and now
I can get back into my relationship."

[Xander] I'm intrigued to know, like,

why did you guys not feel like
that you were gonna do that?

I don't know.

I can speak easily to that,
'cause you and I agreed

not to do anything physical
when we came in here.

Do you have any more questions,
or, like, does that answer it?

It's just interesting.
I guess I'm not surprised, right?

I'm really sad that
I didn't get to tell you myself.

I'm sorry someone else told you.

I'm so sorry.

We never made promises to each other.
We didn't wanna leave here with regrets.

We talked about it up until
the last night before we broke up.

I was fully aware
those were possibilities.

I think my frustrations with the situation
are less about the act.

I've said it a few times.

If it was someone else, I think
I'd have different feelings towards it.

I think, for me, it does have
to do with, like... who.

If it was Yoly, like, I trust,
like, the goodness in your heart.

That'd be a different thing for me.

Um, I can't say for sure
that I wouldn't be upset still,

but there would be a difference.

I made a decision. The night happened.

As long as I come out of this relationship
with something to move forward with,

whether that's with Lex or not...

Unfortunately, it took this
to, like, have me, like, re-evaluate,

like, things that I've been thinking.

But I'm on my own journey here.

I have a little thing that I wrote.
Is this an appropriate time to read it?

-[JoAnna] You can read it if you want.
-[Vanessa] Yeah. I'd love to.

"I came to this experience
questioning whether marriage, in general,

would be something I'd ever want."

"I believe that,
by questioning the idea of marriage,

some of you may have felt that I was
devaluing your goals in this experience."

"Please accept this apology and know that,

regardless of my views on marriage,

which, surprise,
have changed since I got here,

I have valued absolutely
all of your views on the subject."

"For the first time,
I've taken time to visualize

what marriage would actually look like."

"It turns out,
when I see it spelled out on a page,

I'm actually excited about
what a marriage would look like

rather than terrified,
as I was just four weeks ago."

"I value you all."

"Thank you for listening."

I think that your apology is performative.

So I just hope that
you don't expect people

to brush it under the rug
now that you said sorry.

[Xander] Mmm.

Do you want to hear apologies
from Vanessa?

No. Like, duh. Doesn't make sense.

But leave that little piece
of openness in your heart, everyone,

to, like, allow for there
to be growth here, in general.

Like, that's what we're all here for.

[tense music playing]

Lexi and Mal,
how has your trial marriage been?

In the physical sense, I'm not trying
to consummate another relationship.

I thought it'd confuse things.

I luckily ended up with somebody
that has the same values as me.

Yeah.

[Mal] A lot of fun.
Just aligned. Really easy.

I super trust her. I never think
that she's not telling me the truth.

If I was having a rough day,

she would text me,
"How can I best support you?"

"What do you need?"

You make a damn good teammate.

You are head coach.
I'd be your co-captain.

[Lexi] After I found out
about Rae and Vanessa, it did affect us.

And Mal was nothing but supportive.

She'd sage me.

We would do, like, all the things.

It was very attractive and nice

to see somebody who really owned up
to exactly who I thought they were.

Mal was the perfect,
and no offense to all of you here,

but the only choice that would've been
right for me in this experience.

It was true the day I made the choice.
It's true now.

Yeah.

Oh wow. What? She did what?
With... When? How?

Like, I haven't seen that consistently
the three years that we've been together.

And, if it took this experience
to bring you to that, that's beautiful.

But it is easier to be...

let's just say "cute,"

with someone you've only met
and only known for three weeks.

Can you keep that consistently

with someone you've been with
for three years?

Can that transfer over? I don't know.

[JoAnna] Okay.

Xander, Yoly, how was
your first trial marriage?

It felt right.

It felt natural
and comfortable and stable.

And, like, that sounds so boring
to a lot of people.

Right.

We wake up together,
we literally immediately...

We're having this conversation
about something deep,

and I'm not having to ask for it.

And I'm not having to try and make you
have the conversation or anything.

It's just very natural and easy.

And I feel like we can...
we can solve problems together.

I want to get married. And I wanna
get married because I want the family.

Down the road, when we have kids or, like,

if I lost my job,
or if something traumatic happened, right?

Then, like, we're gonna be able
to have the stability to figure it out.

That's what matters to me right now,
in this point in my life.

Like, it's not about...
how much fun I'm having.

I think that that's
a secondary thing for me, at this point.

And I thought it was primary,
but it's not.

Vanessa and I have the absolute most fun.

And she can just make me laugh
doing the weirdest shit.

And I love that.

But I think what it comes down to now is,
when I really do...

The only thing I want is
to have my own family.

And to build upon that,
and have this, like, great foundation,

there's certain things
that I'm looking for now

that I didn't know
that I needed four weeks ago.

I think we got that from each other.

I think I prioritized fun
and, like, good times as well, but...

as much as that's important,

it's like I almost need, like,
other foundational things to be solidified

so that we can then lay back and have fun.

I cannot just lay back and have fun
when the house is a mess

or when laundry's not done.

I don't want somebody who I'm trying
to convince to want what I want.

I've been doing that my whole life,
and I'm like, "Well, shit."

Sharing my time and my life with you
was a dream.

When I think about my future
and building on my future,

my children, specifically,
and what I want my children to come into,

Xander has shown
in the three weeks we've been together

that she can be that future.

Could that be your future?

It could be my future.

-Do you have something to say about that?
-[laughs]

Do you want me to propose to you first?
I don't understand.

No, I want...

I want what I want, and I'm still trying
to figure out what I want.

It sounds like
you've had a great experience.

And it sounds like
I don't know how happy you are

to come back and try your three weeks.

It sounds like it's gonna be trouble
for you, and I don't wanna give you that.

You sound like you were really free
with where you were, and now it's like,

"Damn, I gotta put in the work
three weeks with Mal."

That's what it sounds like.

I am looking forward to seeing your growth

and all the things Lexi was talking about.

Some of it is news to me,

and I would love to see it
actualized and consistent.

Are you excited to come back?

It doesn't mean I don't wanna go back.
It doesn't mean I don't love and miss you.

But I did not hear anybody else say
that they were, like, close,

as close as me and Xander were
or as romantic as me and Xander were.

Like, we held hands. Like, we...
You know, like, we were...

It's different.

There's so many examples of the way
that you just, like, show up,

in ways I've never been able
to ask for help before. And, um...

I just know that,
if we were to have a life together, you...

would be able to support
whatever it is we want.

Thank you for those words.

I have a question.

You guys did talk about
romantically being involved.

-Were you physically involved as well?
-[Yoly clicks tongue]

I ask because we did speak
to what we'd physically...

Yeah. And that was your choice.

The emotional connection,
for me, is very important.

And I think that
Yoly and I developed that over time,

and it just, like, kept developing.

And I think that's where the physical
attraction for one another grew.

Yoly, if you were my spouse,
I feel like that you want to listen to me,

even if my stories are boring, and...

They're not boring.

I think you just care. You just care
about how I feel and what I need.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I know you've wanted marriage,
so I'm happy that you've gotten

to connect with someone
who wants the same things as you.

I imagine that's very valuable.

But it's hard, obviously, to hear this.

I have to say I've grown,

and Rae can, you know...
She can back me up here.

Like, I want a marriage with you now.

And I recognize
that I haven't for a long time,

but all the ways you're talking
about you're connecting with Yoly,

I feel like I'm ready for now.

And I hope you're open to that,
because I want you.

Is your heart in these next three weeks,
or, if you had the choice,

would you live with Yoly
for three more weeks?

I feel like that, honestly, is something
that you and I need to discuss alone.

That the whole table doesn't need to hear.

Right.

I know you want to talk privately,
but I feel like a fool

if I were to enter three weeks with you
if you would prefer it to not be with me.

[Yoly] Vanessa, this person you love,
that you say you wanna marry,

they're going through something.

Can you observe that
without making it about yourself?

I wasn't expecting this. Um...

-We weren't either... at all.
-I don't think any of us were.

[Vanessa] Yeah, I'm sure. Um...

My heart's broken.

I... I've been definitely...

Like, I entered this experience

and I've focused on growing to the point
where I thought I could meet you,

which was the point of marrying you.

And I'm happy to say
that I've reached that point.

So it's sad to see
that you've retreated from that point.

-Can I ask...
-[Xander] I just want to add, sorry,

that I'm not retreating from anything.

If anything, my...
And I don't want to speak for everyone,

but I think that everyone still loves
who they came here with.

They still care about who they came with.

If anything, we added new growth
and new feelings for other people.

And that doesn't diminish
what we came here with in the beginning.

I definitely want
this experience with you.

[dramatic music playing]

Rae has given me
really fucking good advice,

which is basically
to go after what I want.

And it's you.

♪ I swear, in love and war ♪

♪ Doing the things we'd not done before ♪

♪ Looking out at the mess and more ♪

♪ Breaking the promises that we swore ♪

Okay. It's time to live out
the next phase of The Ultimatum.

Over the next three weeks,
you'll have tough conversations,

the ones that you need to have
before you get married.

Then, at the end of this experience,

you'll make a choice.

Will you leave here engaged
to the person you've been living with?

The person you came here with?

Or will you walk out of here alone?

[intense music building]

All right, we're gonna do this.

-[contestants] Yeah.
-[Yoly] Let's do it.

[JoAnna] Now it's time
to say your goodbyes

and to walk into a new vision
of your possible future.

Cheers to getting
the answers that you need.

-[contestants] Cheers.
-[Mal] Cheers, everyone.

Bye, Mal.

God damn it.

[moans softly]

[Tiff] She better take care of you.

[Mildred] I missed you.

[Tiff] Missed you.

I expect some texts.

[Rae] I was given
the ultimatum four weeks ago.

And tonight I'm back
with the person I came here with.

I'm a little scared. I'm a little excited.
I'm a little nervous.

Lexi and I have had three years together.

I know this version of this person,
but I also know where I'm at now.

I've learned things, and I don't know
if we can fit back together,

if we do fit back together,
if we wanna fit back together.

[Xander] I love you so much.

[Yoly] Don't forget about me.

Even though Xander and I are
in love with each other,

I came into this experience
wanting to figure things out with Mal

so I can figure out if marriage
with who I came here with

is a viable option.

I... I can't walk away from Mal
without seeing that through.

[tearfully] And that's what I'm gonna do.

♪ But I can't wait to come back ♪

[pop singer vocalizing]

♪ Come back home ♪

[Lexi exhales]

I'm feeling really uncomfortable.

A couple weeks ago,
I was ready to marry her,

but now it doesn't even feel like
we're on the same wavelength.

It doesn't feel like
the same person I gave an ultimatum to.

It was a lot
to see you guys interact tonight.

I don't care for her.

I don't respect her.

-I felt like you were making jokes.
-I'm uncomfortable. You know me.

I don't trust you.

I'm trying to find a way to be comfortable
getting into bed tonight.

It's fine. I sleep better
on the fucking couch anyways.

Yeah.

♪ It's time, drive around, move aside ♪

♪ I'm gonna be
My own best friend tonight ♪

♪ I'll try ♪

[Vanessa] I love you.

Um, I'm gonna... Can I have some water?

Um...

I didn't realize how much
I had lost you in this process.

I came in here and I found
the perfect trial marriage partner for me

that helped me grow.

And what I was trying to do
was grow to the point of

wanting to marry you.

And I have.

It was just surprising for me

hearing that you open up
so much about certain things.

And, like, yes, you wanted kids,
but it was never with me.

Well, I know, babe, but I... I want to.

I want this now, and I'm sorry
that I didn't have it in me before.

But since you didn't try to delve into it,

I didn't want to delve into it.

But I did.
How did I not try and delve into it?

Like, I feel like... year after year,
I would, like, bring it up.

To hear now
that you, like, want this is like...

I don't know what to do
with the information.

The words that I'm finally hearing,
that I've wanted to hear for so long,

they sit lower
than I thought they were going to.

And I think that we have a lot to work on
and a lot to uncover the next few weeks.

What physical level
did you reach with Yoly?

I mean, we... we did have sex.

Like, with mouths?

-I mean...
-I do want...

I'm sorry. I do want specifics.

I...

I don't want to...

I don't want to do that,
if that's okay with you.

It's not okay with me.

This is part of something
that I need to face now.

And I feel like I... deserve to know.

I get that you want
to know this information,

but, like, it also is
a little conflicting for me,

like, that that's what you want to know
and talk about.

How is that not a normal thing
to want to know?

-And more than once?
-Yeah.

At some point I was like, "Fuck it."

Like, "I might as well just let go
and just do this thing."

And I did, and it felt good.

It felt good to be real with myself

and to really figure out what I wanted.

[intense music playing]

I'm gonna sit in your lap, okay?

Because I know this hurts both of us,
but I love you.

[Vanessa] Do you love Yoly?

[Xander] I don't know.

I missed you.

I missed you too.

[intense, brooding pop music playing]

♪ They're hiding in the darkness ♪

♪ They're waiting on their prey ♪

♪Watch out ♪

♪ They're coming for you ♪

♪ They're coming for you ♪

[Mal] I love you, Margaux.

[kissing] I love you. I love you.

Why you crying?

Are you sad?

Um... I think it's just like a...

[Yoly chuckles]

I'm not sad. It's just, like, weird.

-Okay.
-It's really fucking weird.

-Um...
-What's weird about it?

I had a... whole-ass relationship
with somebody else.

-Mm-hmm.
-And, um...

I don't know. I guess, I...

[sniffling softly]

Like, "Oh shit."

"I'm used to coming home
to a different person

who does different things
and is a different way." And...

[Mal] Are you mourning that?

Okay.

That's okay.

I fell in love with Xander.

I didn't think it would happen.

I've never been with someone
who wanted what I wanted, I realized.

It was just so simple and easy, and...

I don't know
if you assume this already or not,

but we did have sex.

And I really found someone
who connects in that way

in so many levels.

And then I have you.

You are in love with Xander?

I'm really conflicted with the reality
of, like, loving more than one person.

I love you.

You issued the ultimatum.

I wanted to marry you.

-Like... whether you believe it or not.
-It's not that I don't believe you. I'm...

But your head shaking
is not fair to me, right?

What do you want me to do with that?

I still love you.

Look at me.

I'm not going against Xander.
I think Xander's great.

I think that she had a lot to teach you.

I think you deserved
to be loved by her for this time.

I hear that you're in love
with this person. Cool.

I knew you lifetimes before this shit.

I'm telling you,
I still want my family with you.

I still want to marry you.

I get the reminders at work about...

insurance time is coming up,
re-enrollment.

I'm like, "Fuck yeah, I'mma add Yoly."
It's good. We're Gucci. It's good.

I'mma holla at Lexi's dad about rings.

It's good. I'm good.

I'm going to propose to this girl.

You're it for me,
and I'm telling you that.

This is a fear that I had coming in,
and I've said that, like...

"I know my lover, and I know
she falls hard, and she falls quick."

"I just want to make sure
I'm different than everybody else."

I'm so sorry,

because I did not think
that would be the case at all.

As I started falling for Xander,
it didn't make me love you any less.

You are so pivotal to me,
and you're such a piece of me.

And I don't see myself without you.

You're having a human experience.
I don't hate you because of that.

My ego is fucking shattered.

My ego hurts.

But, like... I don't un-love you.

You can fall in love with somebody,
and I can still be your person.

Those two things can exist.

I don't know what that looks like.

We can figure that out as the days go on.

I don't know. I just hurt for you.
It sucks to watch you be so sad.

Can we go to sleep?

Okay.

♪ If I had my way with you ♪

[gentle pop music playing]

♪ We'd never leave ♪

[Yoly] I love you.

[Mal] We'll figure this out.

♪ ...and a way about you
That I can't replace ♪

♪ And I don't want to... ♪

-[Sam] Cookies?
-[Aussie] I love cookies.

Now you can eat your feelings.

-I know.
-Just kidding.

[both laughing]

How did you know?
Was it showing all over my face tonight?

I mean, you kinda
got chewed out tonight, just saying.

I felt like both of you
kept trying to prove yourself.

I know.

Can you at least be open to the fact

that maybe there were things
you could've done differently?

-Of course.
-Yeah.

-I'm not like that.
-I know.

I'm just... I'm just verbally saying that
because I know how to say things now.

-Okay.
-[Sam laughing]

Surprise.

Damn. Are you a mini-Mildred now?
I don't know...

-Did Tiff, like, mini-Mildred on me?
-No. Not at all.

[Aussie] I'd love
to get out of these clothes.

[Sam] Me too.

[Aussie] We have
three weeks in this trial.

I have to make a decision at the end.

You know, am I going home single,
or are we getting engaged?

I see a huge change in Sam.

And, at this point, I'm not sure
if that change is, uh, compatible.

What?

You got some tone-age there?

Do I?

[both laughing]

But, at least for tonight,
the goal is to reconnect,

to be on the same page
about where we're at,

and to, you know, have physical intimacy.

I haven't had sex in,
like, I don't know. [chuckles]

[Aussie] I've already forgotten
how to cuddle you.

-[Sam] You don't know how to anymore?
-Damn.

[Sam] I thought that was, like,
what you have a gold medal in.

[Aussie] I do.

-[Sam laughs]
-World champion.

[sultry pop music playing]

I turned on this candle for you
so it smells good.

-You're so good.
-Do you like it?

I like it.

I just want it to be nice for you, but...

-Yeah?
-Mm-hmm.

I don't know what the fuck you just said,
but, um, sure, yeah.

-[Mildred] Yeah?
-Mm-hmm.

♪ Come on, let me love you ♪

♪ Give you love, babe ♪

[Tiff] Lay down.

♪ I'm the one you're dreaming of ♪

[Mildred] It's been, like, a whole month.

Just get into bed.

♪ Like the stars in the night sky ♪

Just gonna ruin my Docs. It's fine.

You knew we were going on a beach date.

We're gonna eat tacos on the beach.

[Lexi sighs deeply]

[Lexi] We might as well
talk to each other, at this point.

So what is it?

You know how hard it was
for me to say yes to do this.

I've fucking been doing it.

I don't understand
what you thought was gonna happen

when we move back in together.

I don't know what I thought.

-You didn't think about it.
-It was selfish of me.

But you wanted this, right?
You wanted me to self-discover.

You wanted me to figure out
what I wanted, and I did that.

I wanted you to find out if that was me.

'Cause I couldn't be in a relationship
anymore where I wasn't being chosen.

I couldn't be with somebody any longer
who didn't want to put me first.

This process has been really fucking hard,

but, like, you don't have to validate
any of my feelings, and that's fine.

-You don't normally.
-I don't... What does that mean?

You don't listen to me.

Regardless of what I say,

if it doesn't match what you want,
it's not enough.

You say that you don't feel heard.
Well, I haven't felt heard.

I have spent the last three years
fighting your timeline

to give you what you wanted and to feel
like a fucking guest in your home.

To always feel like I have
one foot out the door with you

because I have to protect myself.
I never have a space in your home.

I never have more than,
like, a drawer and some hangers.

You didn't give me commitment.
You gave me a key.

You know, my dad always said to me,
"I love the way you treat Rae,

but I don't love the way she treats you."

"I don't love the way
you're never put first."

And he's right.

I've never been put first
in this relationship.

What would you have done if you weren't
in a trial marriage, to have done this?

What would you have done?
Would you just have cheated on me?

I don't think I would've done it.
When has this come up?

-That's bullshit.
-It's not. Sometimes...

-I fucking suggested...
-Can you listen to me?

I'm not not taking any accountability
for my decisions.

I made decisions here.

I'm sorry that I hurt you.

-I did not anticipate any of this.
-I thought she was your best friend.

She's not your best friend?

Okay.

[gulls squawking]

I feel like the last three years
of our life was a fucking joke.

I feel like an asshole
for wanting to marry you.

[crying] It's so fucking hard for me.

I'm not saying
you haven't had a hard time too.

But you know how I am, how reserved I am.

You know how, like...
emotions are so fucking hard for me,

to think about how I'm feeling.
"What do I feel? Is this what I feel?"

"Or are people putting things in my head,
and I'm believing it?" Like...

"What the fuck is going on here?
What do I want?"

"Who am I?"

"Do I love myself?"

"Do I even deserve to be loved?"

Like, I'm fucking drowning.

It was supposed to end with me and you.

Always supposed to be me and you.

You know, with puzzles I never know.

Does that fit?

-[Mal] Looks like it.
-No, look.

It's not the right fit.

It seemed like it snapped together.

Quick too.

I'm just saying, the puzzle piece
went in easily. That's all I'm saying.

But I don't think it's the right fit.
This puzzle analogy is gonna kill me.

[Yoly laughing]

I'm glad that we're able to laugh,
compared to where we were last night.

Agreed.

The place I always come back to
that's not confusing for me

is that I love you.

I've always wanted marriage.
It's always just been me dragging my feet.

Why do you want marriage?

It's... It's family to me.

I've always wanted my own team.

We talk about teammates a lot,
and I struggle with that,

because I haven't felt
like you've been a teammate for a while.

You show up sometimes, sure,
but not consistently.

Yoly, I get that I'm not
the easiest person to be with.

-I don't think you're not.
-I think I'm a good partner.

You're great.

So, if you tell me how to play the game,

I will do it. I'll do it.

If I want to bring a child into this,

I also need security and support.

It's like I do need you
to pick up around yourself.

I need you to get errands done
in the house so they don't all fall on me.

How shitty would it be
for a kid to go to the bathroom

and there's no toilet paper?

"Let's use backups." I don't want to get
to a point where I'm using the backup.

One-ply, God forbid. That's not cool.

That doesn't make me feel secure.

-Get off from the couch and go.
-Yeah.

If you're thinking
of our household and me,

then you're thinking of the kids.

Like, prioritize us.

I want you to know
that I care about our kids and our family

just as much as you do.

I'm gonna sit next to you.

-Only if you want.
-Yeah.

[upbeat pop music playing]

Can you see your home with Lexi?

Not the way that I think
you can see your home with Xander.

You are home to me,
but I can see my home with someone else.

[Vanessa] What's your favorite part
of a playground? Mine's the swings.

[Xander] Swings.

-It's a beautiful day out.
-[Xander] Yeah.

Um...

So I want to talk to you about things
and how they are right now.

Um...

Before this experience, you and I,
free rein on each other's phones.

And yesterday, you had
Instagram up on your phone,

and it had Yoly as, like,
the first person to send a message to.

And I was gonna kinda let it go,

but then I just thought,
"Xander doesn't lie to me."

And so I looked at your Instagram
and saw that you had been messaging Yoly.

And this is all during our trial marriage.

You didn't talk to me
during your trial marriage,

but you'll talk to Yoly
during our trial marriage.

I don't get it.

I feel like
I'm not being given a fair chance.

[tense music playing]

I came into this trial marriage with you,

and I want to give you that presence,
but it was distracting for me to feel like

that I did have feelings for her.

[Vanessa] Mm-hmm.

I don't know what to do with that.
I also saw she asked you for a selfie,

and you sent her pictures
and there's, like, hot emojis and stuff.

Winky faces.

It just feels like
you're stabbing me over and over.

[tense music playing]

You talk about having a hard time
putting away your feelings

you developed for three weeks with Yoly,
but you didn't have a problem

putting away the feelings
you developed for me for four years.

I don't know what you want
from our relationship right now.

Can you tell me?

I feel like

I want you in my life,
and I don't know what that means for us,

for the future, for, like,
if we would be married or not.

Having feelings for someone else,

am I someone you want to continue
having a relationship with?

It's embarrassing to keep saying it,
but I still want to be with you.

I still see us getting married
and having a future.

I don't know. I can't feel it.

I'm giving it to you.
I don't think you're open to feeling it.

I love you.

Say it back.

Fucking say it back, Xander.

[tearfully] Me too.

♪ And I don't like it when you cry ♪

♪ Leave me dry ♪

♪ And I won't try to pretend
That I'm your friend anymore ♪

Where do I even start?

How did it end with Sam?

She's a good person.

When we were talking,
Sam, her heart, like, was with you.

That's how I saw it, right?

-But not...
-[Mildred] They cut it short.

For me, like, I'm a jealous person.
Like, I don't, you know...

You? Jealous?

The little crazy Latina's
in there somewhere.

-I got questions for you.
-Okay, let's do it.

[Natasha] I gotta know what's up.

How was your experience
living with somebody else?

Living with somebody else...

It was not a good experience for me,
but I learned so much from it.

I learned communication. Like I told Tiff,

"Hey, if you see that I'm tired,
if you see that I'm stressed out,

help me out, you know."

-We had...
-But...

[Mildred] Sorry.
Really passionate about it.

-The way I see it, it's...
-[Mildred] Hold on.

I feel there was a blockage.

-Can I say what I was gonna...
-Go.

[Tiff] Damn, you never let me
finish sentences. I swear.

Would you say that's your biggest problem?

Absolutely.

[Natasha] Can I ask you a question?

Tiff told me once
that you're very on and off.

How many times would you say
you guys break up and get back together?

[Mildred] Tiff knows.

I figured it happens like once a week,
and there's 52 weeks in a year.

-At two years...
-Once a week?!

Not once a week.

Once every two weeks,
at least 50 breakups.

You think that, like,
you're not gonna break up once a week.

If you leave engaged,
you think that it will make you stronger.

I know I want to be with Tiff.
Tiff is the one.

Why not go to therapy?
Why not try couples therapy?

-Natasha...
-Why "let's date other women"?

-We went to couples therapy and...
-How was it?

-We went to couples therapy...
-Therapist gave up on us.

She fired you? You know that, right?

[all laughing]

Right.

As advice, from a divorcee,

don't rush anything.

-You've been divorced? I've also been.
-[Natasha] Yeah. Thanks for reminding me.

Oh yeah, you have.

Being married previously,
it goes back to why I have a timeline.

What I most have learned
is being okay that this person leaves.

I gave the ultimatum.

I ought to be okay
that Tiff might walk out without me.

And I might walk out of here alone.

That has to be okay with me.

Look, I like you,
but the communication part...

Like, that's not...
In 21 days, it's not gonna be fixed.

I don't want my friend to get hurt.

The old Mildred would've been like,

"You know what, Tiff, let's go,
because your friend Natasha

is being, like,
indifferent with our hopes."

-My opinion doesn't matter.
-No, it doesn't.

Mildred. I think she knows what she wants,
and there's nothing wrong with that,

but I don't know if Tiff's
getting pressured a little too much.

You shouldn't feel pressured
into getting married.

She's saying that, in three weeks,
if you don't propose, she's gone.

You ready for marriage today?

[slow pop music plays]

[Aussie] You can start eating, babe.

No, I'll wait.
This is our first meal together.

-Okay.
-Our first microwave meal together.

[Sam laughing]

So...

I guess, like...

How do I say this?

Right now, do you feel like
you're on the track to get engaged yet?

-I feel like I am.
-Yeah?

Yeah.

It would be a complete waste
for me to go through all this growth

and then at the end of it
still settle for what I don't want.

I know. I know what's on the line.

-Yeah.
-So...

Um...

I'm feeling raw.

But I feel, like, confident in us
that we are taking the right steps,

and that we are moving
in the right direction.

I think it's so refreshing to have you
actually sit here and not walk away.

[gentle music playing]

[Aussie chuckles]

You laugh, but, like, I think
that's where Mildred was frustrated.

[gentle music halts]

-That doesn't help...
-We don't have to open that can of worms.

-I'm just saying that I see...
-Please... That's not true.

-That's something she asked about.
-Mm-hm.

And I'm just expressing that
that same situation came out...

I'm trying to breathe through this.
Can we stop?

-Sit for a minute?
-Yeah.

Thank you.

I need to eat anyways.

Thank you. Take a break.

I'm getting hot. My face is getting hot.

Would you like me to turn the air on?

Yes, please.

-[chuckles]
-I would be grateful.

[tense music playing]

[exhales sharply]

Can we not bring Mildred
into this, please?

[Sam] Yes.

Believe me, I just...

-I don't understand the extent of it.
-That...

-It ticked me off just now.
-Yeah. I just... I don't...

-Hey.
-Just give me a break.

-I need a moment.
-Okay...

[melancholy music playing]

♪ I've been hiding all this pain inside... ♪

[Aussie sighing]

♪ You can't push me, I just need time ♪

Prior to coming here, I feel like
I would just kinda let things slide,

and I think I was a little bit
too forgiving of certain behaviors.

But now I'm realizing
my value and my worth,

and I don't want to waste my time
and feel drained all the time.

I just can't... settle for that anymore.

And I think I'm just
not willing to do that.

♪ You're my light, my grace ♪

♪ My fight... ♪

[Aussie sighs]

At the end of this, you know,
are you okay to say,

"You know what?
This is the decision I've made."

And, you know, you and Lexi
are gonna go separate ways.

Like, are you okay with that?

There's still two weeks here,
and we are still, like, dating,

try... trying to talk
and have these conversations,

So I can't really answer that.

But there will be a decision made.

Do you feel the same way?

I mean, I...

I came here very sure.

We've been together for three years.

We have lived together.

If Rae told me at the beginning of this

that she was ready to leave with me
and wanted to be with me and get engaged,

we would have left.

You weren't ready for that. Or you
didn't know if you were ready for that.

Why would you want to even do this, then?

I've told you...

You don't need to be here.
You could've left at any point in time.

-The whole thing is confusing me...
-It is confusing.

I didn't know if the person
I've been in love with for three years

would ever say yes to me
if I got down on one knee.

-It's as simple as that.
-Okay.

There had never been a time
where I had asked you if I was the one,

and you would ever have been like,
"I'm... Yes, you're it."

It was always, "I don't know.
I think so, but... I don't know."

-But she was your "it."
-She's been my "it."

This isn't easy.

It's goddamn impossible
to go through this.

And to also be grappling with
the whole relationship,

like, the whole-ass relationship
that I had before,

the whole-ass three years that I just had
with somebody that I was ready to marry.

The whole-ass three weeks that she did,

and all the decisions
she made that didn't involve me.

And the whole-ass three weeks
that I'm in now,

trying to figure out
if we fit in each other's lives again.

I'm trying every day, but...

It just seems like you're having
a really rough time doing that.

Well, I would like to ask you,
what would you do

in an experience with the person
that you know just betrayed your trust

and was intimate with someone else?

[Rae] Hold on.

I made decisions.
I have to live with them.

There's no nice way for me to say it...

I know that.

...but I have to because otherwise
I'll fucking beat myself up for it.

-I know that.
-I have those days, like, I've had...

Doesn't matter.

What I'm trying to say is,

I made decisions here,
and I've told you how I felt about them.

They were selfish.

-[Lexi] Do you regret the decisions...
-Yeah, because...

...because they hurt me or because
you actually think they were mistakes?

I feel like a fucking shit human.
I tell you that every day.

And I've never once
thought of myself that way.

I'm trying to be okay with,
like, the things I've done.

Like, they were decisions I made,
I learned things from them,

and that's how I will leave this,
regardless of whatever the fuck happens.

I have to live after this.

I can't keep beating myself up.

[Lexi] I...

She doesn't regret...
You don't regret what you did.

And that's fine,
and I'm not asking you to.

-But I don't have to be okay with them.
-No.

-And if they're not regrets for her...
-Well, that's for you...

No, but if they're not regrets for her,

I'm trying to figure out
if I can let it go.

[Rae] I'll say that
in the three years we did date,

I don't think I ever gave reason
to think that. I was given...

We're in a fucking experience
where I did things.

Do I think of myself like that
outside of this? No.

You guys were on a... "break."

You're right.
We didn't come in here with any truces

or promises or preconceived beliefs.

But we came here trusting each other,
and she... she was the one...

Like, I didn't ask you to promise me
you weren't gonna sleep with Vanessa.

And then you promised me that.

She came up to me and told me,

"You need to trust me.
You need to trust me. Why don't you?"

"I'm not sleeping with Vanessa.
I'm not gonna do that to you."

You looked me in the eyes...
and you broke that.

Like, what is a relationship
without trust?

Like, genuinely,
what is a relationship without trust?

You have to make a decision.

If you're ready to lose Rae,

or you want to believe
she would never do it again.

That's for you to decide.

[tense music playing]

♪ When the birds have flown ♪

♪ Across that finish line ♪

[Vanessa] How are you feeling?

I mean, I don't... I feel, actually,
like there's still a lot of pain and hurt.

And, like, it's just really hard to, like,
not have that constantly in my head.

I've always seen myself
as a very independent person,

but I am now realizing,

through this feeling of, like,
potentially losing this person,

that I am so much more
intertwined with this human

than I ever realized until this moment.

I just want to shake her
and be like, "Oh my God."

"I just realized I love you
more than I did before. This is insane."

"This is amazing.
And I don't want to be without you ever."

And it's almost scary because it's like,

am I too late?

Um, close your eyes.

-There's a lot of people.
-Baby, close your eyes, you bad bitch.

-There are so many people here.
-Are they closed?

-[Xander] What is going on?
-[Vanessa] Oh my God. I am so excited.

Oh no!

Oh my God, I'm gonna come get you. Okay?

Oh, Jesus.

-And I cannot wait. I'm so excited.
-My stomach is dropping.

Okay, give me your hands.

Come on, step out.

[Xander] Mmm.

Keep your eyes closed. [laughs]

[Xander] How?

-Okay, you ready?
-No.

[upbeat pop music playing]

[Xander] I'm too fucking scared.

Shit.

-Oh my God, are you serious?
-Are you so excited?

[Xander] I've literally
always wanted to do this.

-[hot air puffs]
-[Vanessa] Ey!

Oh, you made that look super easy.

[attendant] We good for takeoff?

We're good. All right.

[gas tank hissing]

[magical music playing]

-I'm freaking out a little bit.
-No, breathe.

Oh...

This is amazing.

[exhales] Whoo-eee.

[Vanessa] Oh my God.

-We're in a balloon.
-Whoa...

-[attendant] We are up.
-Okay.

-It feels good? Question mark...
-[attendant] Oh yeah.

Yeah, we are good.

♪ Feelin' like a fool in love again ♪

-Look at our shadow. See the balloon?
-You look so cool.

[Vanessa] Oh my God.

[Xander laughs]

It is so unbelievably beautiful.

[Vanessa] So...

Through this whole process,
my mind has been focused on you.

And I wrote a little something
because I knew I would... jumble my words.

[Vanessa clears throat]

Okay.

"Fate brought us together
at a taco truck on October 14th, 2017."

"A mystical outside force saw

two parts of the same star..."

[gentle music playing]

"...begging to be brought back together."

"Our relationship hasn't been easy."

"There have been low points, insecurities,
betrayals, periods of distance,

feelings of disconnection,
sexual lulls, and moments of heartbreak."

"Despite all these,
we keep choosing each other."

"Deep in our souls,
without explanation needed,

we know that we belong together."

"I look at you and I feel at home."

"I am so sorry that it took me
this long to give you my all."

"But I had to...

I had to find out exactly what I could
offer before I could offer it to you,

and I'm proud to say
that I can do that now."

"The love I feel for you is so strong
that it makes me terrified to lose it."

"And I've spent these last four years
bracing myself for a breakup

so that the potential heartbreak
wouldn't hit so hard."

"This was selfish and foolish

and prevented us from reaching
the kind of love you were seeking."

"And I realize now that I was seeking
that beautiful, everlasting love too,

but I wasn't able to admit it."

"I'm ready to let go of fear and commit
to growing this beautiful life of ours."

And it takes a lot
for me to say that to you,

knowing where your head is at now.

But, like, I'm here now.

I know you are.

And I'm asking you please
to give me... this chance.

Stay open with me. Stay honest.

And don't close yourself off
from any possibility,

because weeks ago you wanted to marry me.
And there's something to that.

[somber music playing]

I realize how hard it is for you
to have written that in the first place,

and... also how vulnerable it is
for you to share that with me,

especially after
some of the talks we've had.

I really appreciate you doing that,
and I also feel like

that I have not been
in the right headspace.

And... [clears throat]

I do feel like that's something
I still need to get over,

but I do want to give this
everything that we have,

because that's what
we both intended to do before.

Let's do it right. Yeah? Committed?

-Right...
-To me? Alone? No talking to anyone else?

-Promise.
-Really?

-Mm-hmm.
-Okay, I'd appreciate that.

[pop music playing]

♪ I'll never let you go ♪

♪ They don't know you like I do ♪

♪ I'm breaking all the rules ♪

♪ I'm playing it so cool ♪

♪ I'm playing it so cool, baby ♪

♪ I'm breaking all the rules ♪

♪ I'm playing it so cool ♪

♪ I'm playing it so cool, baby ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm never gonna ever stop ♪

♪ I'm always gonna shake it up ♪

♪ I'm always gonna shake it up ♪

♪ 'Cause I've almost reached the top ♪