The Thick of It (2005–2012): Season 3, Episode 2 - Episode #3.2 - full transcript

I'm very sorry I woke
everybody up, James.

Well, we could always give
the kids earplugs, you know.

Or sedate them.

Maybe a bit of friendly
heavy sedation.

Oh, bollocks!

First in the SACK race.

And they capitalised SACK,
just in case anybody thought

it was a piece about what
a good sack racer I am.

- Gotta go,
I am being car-jacked.

(I'm actually very happy with
my broadband provider, yeah.)

There were other meetings
right about that time



and I need to see
all of those.

Glenn - can you put stuff with
staples through a shredder?

- No!
- Yes you can, it does credit cards.

Who is gonna break the news
to Nicola?

I'm gonna do that and
I'm gonna do it alone.

I'm just gonna give her
the pre-briefing, right?

I'm just gonna blind her
with bad press.

A bumpf. You do the...

- Yes.
- Back in the neck.

You've seen the sack race thing,
I suppose.

Yeah, there it is.

It's not funny!
It's not even accurate

because technically
I was fourth.

So really they should have said
"Fourth in the SACK race"



I think we should complain
to the PCC.

Look -
stop worrying.

The PM is not going to sack
you after a week.

Sacked after 12 months -
looks live you've fucked up.

Sacked after a week looks like
he has fucked up.

And I'm not doing
terribly - am I?

I love the way they've sandblasted
everything around here.

So clean!

Robin, you've got
no time to shred those.

Please take them to
the lavatory or something.

Did she just say take
them to the lavatory?

Are you going to stand
there like that?

- (both) Yes!

You look the end
of a wedding.

You're gonna
give her an arch?

Just go
and get her!

She'll never guess
there's anything wrong.

Fucking idiot.

I'd just like people to get
to know the real me.

You know I feel like I'm coming
across as a bit...

Oh, I don't know.

- Glum.
- Smug?

Smug?

Yeah, you're coming across
more smug than glum.

Cause I am actually quite a fun
person - underneath all of this

I've got loads of friends.

Well, I'm sure you have,
but the trouble is

when you say something
like that

it sounds
a wee bit smug.

Could you just pull in
over here?

And you could take out
that cyclist as you're going

I think he's
shadow cabinet.

Could you meet me
at the door tomorrow?

- Sorry.
- I'm carrying two fridges in.

Yes, of course.

Yes ...

Right - so the lunch,
I've been with the Guardian

and and in the end I thought
- maybe not the Mail -

they might be nice
to your face

but then brand you a
a men-hating euro slag.

Ollie - if you had to choose
three nasty adjectives

that describe me,
what would they be?

I'm sorry?

Well I was just talking
to Malcolm

and he mentioned
a pejorative word

which I hadn't thought of before
so I'm just keen to get your take.

- Okay, top three?
- Yep.

Uhm...

Sour?

- Okay.

Frumpy and ...

Uptight?

Yeah, okay.

Why not
egg and spoon?

Egg and spoon would
have been better than sack.

Yeah but, you know.
Egg on face?

She must go spooner
rather then later ...

If you dropped it -
Yolk-o Ono. You know...

- Morning...
- Secretary of State!

Something terrible
has happened.

Oh, lovely Terri.
Beautifully finessed.

- What?
- It's my duty to advise you

of appendix 4 of
a Data Protection Acts

advisory note to
government departments.

Sounds like you're
arresting me.

Appendix what?

Shut it, we lost
the questions here, mum.

I was being
a police-woman?

Look - somebody explain
to mein simple terms

what has happened,
cause at the moment I feel

a bit like I've wandered
into a cryptic crossword

compiled by
Rumpel-fucking-stiltskin.

Basically - every British citizen,
who's arrived here

in the last 7 and
a half months, uhm ...

Their names have
been wiped.

The immigration database
is blank.

Oh, fuck.

Oh fuck - this is
a fucking disaster.

Well the last hope was that
Ollie had it that thing ...

- What... a memory ...
- Stick.

Well I only said it just cause you
looked like you were gonna self-harm.

I mean they've gotta be
somewhere - surely.

Yeah, well they're not actually
in that drawer.

I'm getting Nurofen,
Terri.

Do you not backup,
you people?

I backup! I barely even know
what backingup means.

I really thought
that today

we were gonna start
to fight back, you know.

And it looks like we have
started to fight back

by beating ourselves up

and poking out our eyeballs
with our own fucking teeth.

Jesus!

Right - who primarily should
I be shouting at?

Glenn....

Oh, thank you
very much!

I have here the minutes
which are a record and ...

You know what? You don't just
over-write minute

You specifically can't do it,
cause you can't unlock a pdf file.

Somebody has just done a huge
poo on my desk

and I want it cleared up.

My bum is clean - it's clean
as a whistle

and I'm gonna tell you
something interesting

unless you take the hard-drive,
smash it up with a hammer

or you drop it in acid, that data is
gonna be retrievable

it says so on the BBC website.

I need a shortlist of people
who are responsible

Glenn - will you bring me
a shortlist?

... with your own
name on it.

Malcolm's on his way over.

Does he know?

I don't think so, do you
want me to go and ask?

- (everybody) No!
-What?!

Right, we need to cancel
the Guardian lunch.

No.

That would be a ridiculous
signal to do.

That's the kind of signal
that a dying whale sends out

*Wooo, we've lost
the immigration figures.*

- ... sort of a signal.
- Would you all please just

fuck out of my office...
For a long time.

- Very good.
- Got you a croissant.

Morning desk-jockeys.

Is glummy-mummy in?

I think she's
on the phone.

All right. Why don't I just
cool my heels here?

Good morning,
Malcolm.

Do you know, Malcolm?

The best way to clear
a paper jam?

I don't know.

Kill a kid an hour until
it sorts itself out?

Excelent time, Malcolm.

Uh, great. So if you could just
sort out the sack race situation

for me that
would be terrific.

Yeah, what would you like
me to do on that?

Uhm, ideally - build a time machine
so that we can go back

and not invite the photographers
to the sports day.

If I fail to build
the time machine?

Just sit on it really, Terri.
You know - stop it growing.

Stop it like a tumor.

Thank you, yes.

So, Malcolm.

Oh oh oh - incoming body parts
excuse me.

Look - if this is getting any
bigger, you're gonna feel

the thump of a fucking harpoon
in your thorax.

Does he know?

Well, follow him.

... I hope that you like
shitting toenails, because

that's what you're gonna be
doing all of the next week.

And don't worry - I've
painted them yellow

so they'll look like
fucking sweet corn.

The guy's a fucking liability.
Jesus Christ.

Listen, I will ...

Look, I couldn't
hear everything

he takes very
long strides...

Are you a fucking penguin?
Just run.

Look, I'm a civil servant not a
fucking olympic athlete!

Right - what's
ocurring Herman Göring?

What?!

You're fucking
kidding me.

Excuse me.

Two minutes and
I will be back.

I'm fucking okay
footballer ...

That's it -
he knows.

Do you want me to follow
him again?

Yes, no. Yes - I'm Secretary
of State. Yes!

Do as I say.

How that list going on?

Glenn, who's on the list?

It's not a big list.

Well get going
on the bloody list!

Hi, Robin!

Hey, look. Uhm,
you know Phil Davis?

Is he a Davies
or a Davis?

I know you don't like
me, Glenn,

but you're not
sacking me...

What?

(laughter)

I'm protecting you.

Okay, well - you know,
I've got you back as well.

Even though I know you are
the guy who authorised

the wiping of the back-up.

Well that may or may not
be true.

Well - it is true.

It may or it
may not be true.

Well, that is true.

(laughing)

Then if it was a short term stategy
it allows you to develop

a long term strategy ...

Explain it to them.

We've just been discussing
the data loss incident and...

Could we not call it
"the incident"?

Just sounds like
a toxic spillage.

Curfuffle?

How's the time machine
coming on, Terri?

Have you managed to find
a flux capacity yet?

Well I had to come
fetch Glenn...

It was a joke,
it doesn't matter.

I was thinking one possible
strategy might be

not to tell anybody.

What - we keep it
a secret?

Sorry - Malcolm's
coming back.

Tell me more about
not saying anything.

Well it's pretty
self-explanatory.

- Or not?
- Robin.

Maybe you could get us
some teas.

Okay - what does
everybody want?

I'll make a little list -
shall I Glenn?

- A cappuccino - please.
- A herbal, please.

- A Lemon zinger.
- Really?

Yes please.

Lil' pigs...
Little pigs.

Let me come in. Don't worry about
the hair on the chiny-chin-chin.

So what was your call?

What was my call?

- Did you -
- You want to know

what my call was ?

Was it important?

I'm sorry I didn't realise
that I had to run all my calls

through your bed-wetters
switchboard here.

I usually just
dial 118.

Malcolm,
do you know?

- Obviously he knows...
- No, he doesn't know.

There has been a massive
irretrievable data loss.

The last 7 months worth of new
immigrant details have

gone - apparently
lost in the computer.

Oh...

Do you know what's
really fucking sad here -

is that I don't have
the energy

to pretend
I already knew.

Which is for the best -
because I'm gonna need

all of my fucking energy
to fucking rip

all of your bodies to bits
with my bare hands and

sell off - yes - sell off your
fucking flailed skin

as a sleeping bag
to a fucking normal person.

Can I just say that getting angry
isn't gonna help anything

I've done anger,
I'm currently at grief

I'm working my way towards
bargaining - whatever

you know - you're
behind me.

So - what is your
great strategy

for dealing with this?

Come on - I'm fucking
all ears

I'm fucking Andrew Marr here.

So let's -
Terri let's hear what you

Let's go,
let's get going

high-level technical discussion,
I'm up for it.

Right - blaming the departmenet,
minister -

might be a high-risk
strategy

Oh, high-risk.
Saucy. Pass F.

My pitch would be -
this departement is fatally flawed.

It's out of condition,
it's obese

it's astmatic.

That's it girl -
back over the net.

You need to be really sure
about that, Nicola.

Yes, wise words from
the distinguished elderly gay

fucking tennis couch here.

Seriously I think we should
talk about my strategy futher

because I really think
that's the way...

Yeah, the fucking
wee boy is having a go now

with his fucking tiny
shorts on.

What about Sue Barker's
little sister here.

What's she got to say?

You've got something to say
to add to the conversation?

No, just that there was
no Lemon zinger

so uhm... This is coffee,
is that alright?

Do the Guardian
know about this?

Oh for ... Of fucking Guardian -
I don't know.

Have this refer to
my departement.

Should I find out?
Get some feelers?

Yeah you go and get your
feelers out for the lads.

What do you think, Malcolm?

Shitting on the departement,
will that work?

Yes, let's cause
a little bit of friction.

Let's fire someone.

What about Glenn?

Well you can't just
fire Glenn like that.

- We could fire Glenn.
- Should I get his file?

- No. I've got a list!

See there you are,
he's got a list.

You're a new broom

you're sweeping up trouble
with one end

broom handling incompetent staff
up the tunnel with the other.

So - Malcolm - how do we play it
to the Guardian?

Smile.
Be gay.

Smile smile smile.

So, uh...
Who's gonna be there?

Oh, plenty. There's gonna
be all the hacks.

There's the editor, the leader writer,
all the political staff

and actually - unfortunately
I heard that

the so-called cartoonist is
going to be there

you know the one drew the picture
of you smothering

the dove of peace
with your breasts?

For no apparent reason.

Do you want to run any policy
stuff - any lines?

You know - things you
might like to say?

Look - what about the "plastic
vs wooden toy" thing?

Oh God - no no no.
That was absolute 4am stuff

that was to be filed away with
community support park keepers

completely top-of-the-head
stuff - no no.

No I think this is just about
showing the real Nicola...

Operation "Not smug,
not glum."

Well I'm told this lunch is
on the 5th floor, so.

It's taking a while, I mean,
maybe we should -

we should just walk.

I'm not walking to
the fifth floor.

I would actually like to be able
to speak by the time we get up there.

No look - if I come into the lift,
I become convinced I'm gonna die

so I'm gonna walk.
I'm sorry - claustrophobic, sorry.

I'll just check that for the duration
of the lunch we are all

we are all off the record, yes?

I mean -
but we're happy to be on.

No, off is best.

It's a bit like when
the snooker comes on

on the telly

you know, you just -
off. Off.

Uhm, how's it going
with her?

How are you
finding her?

Uhm, Nicola?

Very...

Good.

Fun.

Hello, Nicola Murray.
Hello...

... very formal, isn't it?
I need to lighten up.

Yeah I like to use the stairs
sometimes, to - you know

just a bit of a laugh.

Right, so uhm - wll done,
bit of a baptism of fire

first week - the whole "I'm bent" thing,
the sack race stuff

Oh God yeah - that
was annoying.

And hilarious.

Annoying and hilarious?

Yeah, you know,
like Russel Brand -

you wanna hate him,
but he's just funny.

Well - what about
the current problems?

Which - which problems
in particular?

Just asking,
we're off the record.

I'm not playing any games
with you

I'm not tobogganing you,
anything like that.

Well, it's only been a week.

A lot of data to keep on top of
I imagine?

Oh, there really is,
or are -

Is? Are?
Data.

Don't know. Plural?

Come on -
you're the Guardian.

I don't know,
it's a minefield.

We do - very much keep
on top of it.

Or them.
The datas.

That's a very important part
of what we do.

- And we back up everything.
*Don't talk with mouth full!*

All the time.

Afternoon, ladies.

I heard there were sandwiches
and I'm a fucker for crest.

No no no, please don't get up,
I'm not Viagra.

- Jeffrey.
- Always a pleasure.

- John, how you doing -
I just want to tell you

I really enjoyed
your novel.

Oh, thank you very much.

Way of writing
a fucking awful story.

Joking, joking!

So!

Ay?
She's not smug.

She's not sour,
is she?

Thanks, Malcolm.

See what it is is these bastards
- the other bastards -

they are selling her
as smug and sour.

You know why that is?

Cause she's a proper person.

With dyed roots and
stretch marks.

She's not not one
of these assholes

that goes on the One Show -
fucking laughing their heads off

about the fucking
Apprentice offers.

She's ordinary.

And they can't
handle that. Yeah?

But that's why we need
you guys - the good guys on site.

I mean we certainly gotta get through you,
you couldn't be any closer.

I'll tuck a bit
closer to you.

No no - that's enough,
thanks.

Yeah, I don't wanna
do that - you know.

Not with your little - wandering
hands syndrome you've got.

You managed to patch it
up with her?

Not now.
No, Malcolm, thanks.

You're still sleeping
in the car, yeah?

Sorry - Nicola.
We talked about immigration

what's gonna happen when
there is the next inevitable

immigration foul-up
how is that gonna work?

Look - she's been in the job
a week.

The departement shit
the fucking shit.

She's working her fucking
lady bollocks off

trying to get things
done in there

she's really doing alright
- alright?

Fuck's sake.

Well - a week is a short term
in politics.

I think as a rule, I will be very happy
to come and talk policy.

- Fantastic.
- That's great.

What's a trademark Nicola
Murray policy?

Well - there's the -
the wooden toys.

- ... Thing.
- Brilliant.

Yeah, I mean it really is.
We're knocking about some ideas

about plastics. I'm aware that my
kids' toybox is full of plastic

and they have very few of
the little wooden toys

you know, that would have been
traditionally played with by

their forefathers
and four....

mothers -
it's a big family.

And plastics sometimes contain
carcinogens, so ...

the first step I think is
going to be probably

trying to
decarcinegenosize ...

toys. You know -
mass decarcine-genocide.

The simple message here
would be -

Let's get back to wood,
simple wooden toys

uhm, for simple
people.

Children -
it's very early days.

And obviously we will
tighten that up a bit.

So.

Good?

Good.
Good.

- Good.
- Fine.

Good, good.

Funny old departement to come into,
isn't it?

You know, obviusly you've shied away
from talking about it in there

but immigration - is
there all sorted there ?

Right - we weren't sure
whether you knew or not.

Yeah - that's DoSAC.

You say that - I had no idea
when I came in

that we were just hemorrhaging
citizenship data.

- Hemorrhaging?
- Yeah, it's the last 6 months worth.

- God!
- Did you - how did you ...

Did you know?

Well we do now.

Well - thank God
we're off the record.

Bye bye John,
lovely to meet you.

Sorry, bye bye - it was nice to -
I didn't catch you name

Oh, it's Marianne, actually.

- Marianne.
Right. Yeah.

So you weren't at
the lunch - weren't you?

Uhm, no actually I'm freelance,
I'm just doing some feature shifts.

Sorry - Marianne - you were
behind us just now

coming down the stairs
weren't you - so.

You heard what we were
talking about.

- Yeah.
- But we were off the record, so.

- That's...
- Well. It's very nice to meet you anyway.

Shit.

Shit!

We're over here.

Come on! What are you doing
marking out you territory.

Welcome to
the mothership.

I just need some air.
Ollie.

Can you - come with me?
Open the door!

Come with me now.

A post-match
puker is she?

- Come on!
- What is it?

Look over there-
there's a woman

red hair - young woman
on the phone.

She was behind me on the stairs,
I though she was off the record

she was actually
on the record

so I need you to go
over there now

take whatever was on the record
off the record.

It doesn't matter - don't be thick
for once

just go over there and just
say it's off

say whatever it was
was off the record, go.

Now, run, run, run.
Marianne...

I don't know what she said.

Yep.

I'm gonna miss
my winetasting again tonight.

I expect you're probably
a single-malt man.

I mean I quite like ...

Look for fuck's sake we both know
I've got blackberries to check.

Marianne - I'm
not threatening you, but -

- What?
- Well like I said

I'm not threatening you.

Well usually the phrase
"I'm not threatening you, but ... "

is followed by a threat.

I'm sorry Malcolm,
I'm really sorry.

FUCK'S SAKE!
Jesus!

Christ!

We'll never get another
fucking adjective

til I get to fucking
smug and glum.

... haven't we -
FUCKING RETARDED!

Jesus Chr - Do you not think
it would have been germane

to check who
you're talking to -

it's a fucking newspaper office

it's not a fucking sanatorium
for the fucking deaf - is it?!

Are you so dense ?

Am I gonna have to run around
slapping badges on people

with a big tick on it
with a big cross on others

so you know when
to shut your gob

and when to open it?!

Jesus Christ...

Oh but that would probably
confuse you as well - won't it

that'd be too confusing -
you'd see the cross and go -

oh - X marks the spot -

better tell this little person
all about the Prime Minister's

fucking catastrophic
erectile dysfunction.

Oh but - not to worry.
Not to worry

you've sent fucking Ollie
over there to deal with it -

FUCKING OLLIE!

He's a fucking knitted scarf
... fucking balaclava!

- Well, you're on a very shaky
legal groud there.

No, I'm
really not.

Look - the departement is
not fit for purpose, really

I mean - Terri's quite bad
and...

Not just Terri - I mean - I'm not gonna
name names but Robin

Robin's shit.

Alright, moth.
Fuck off.

I'm sure that we can settle
this matter of

of you - eavesdropping
on a private conversation.

It was a public
conversation.

No - you are - you think
you're so clever.

You are so totally wanking with
the wrong crowd here

because this man - right?
This man IS the press

I mis-spoke and
I mis-saw you ...

- Nicola!
- Fuck... What have I done?

So do you think this is
gonna advance your career?

Is this you moving
forward?

At least my career has got
a trajectory

whereas yours is about
to crash head-on

into a change of governement.

Don't you worry - girl,
because I can still

fucking steer some
fucking flaming wreckage

- right in your fucking direction.
- Yeah, I tell you what -

Once it's printed I promise
I come'll back to you

for a reaction quote -
how's that?

Darlin' - I wouldn't fucking
piss on you if you were

fucking allergic
to piss - right?

- On you go - walk the walk.
- Quite enough for one day - thank you.

Walk the walk -
fuck right off - go on.

We'll live though
this - won't we?

Nicola - I've got the list ready
whenever you're ready.

I'm ready now - actually.

I can do it in a reversed order if
you like - like the pop charts.

Oh, how was
meet the press?

It was not great.

They didn't know about
the data loss - they do now.

Okay - well that's
not too bad though

off the record - they can't
use any of it.

No - I was ambushed by
a not-off-the-record journalist.

Nevermind.

Oh - fuck!

Alright - from now on - none
of us let her out of our sight.

She's not to be trusted.
Sorry - minister.

- Terri -
- Yes?

Where in the civil service
guidelines does it say

it's absolutely fine to leave
your minister alone

with a hostile journalist,
if you just can't be asked

to walk down the stairs?

- Now I'd already pressed the buton.
- Absolutely.

- However, it was supposed
to be on Ollie's stick - so

he is the last man
standing.

Hey hey hey! At least I know
how to use a stick

... mister Floppy.

Have you finished?

Well no - I imagine I'm gonna have
to do it over and over again

until you go on
the fucking course.

Okay - let's call
a truce.

Let's agree that nobody
in this room

is gonna be sacked
- okay?

For now.

- I've still got the original
list here.

Okay, let's
start with that.

Top of the list is -
Kelly Peters.

- No.
- Why not?

She's a very nice girl,
Kelly Peters.

I mean, she's very kind.
She often lends me hard bucks.

Terri - The Mail
is on the phone.

Christ. Don't worry -
I'll deal with it. I'll deal with it.

Robin.

- Yeah.
- No no no. Absolutely - I mean.

There are too many implications,
just simply cannot

go with the idea of
sacking Robin, okay?

Are you sleeping with her?

What? No!

Although everytime he does
see her in his head

he just hears
*bow chiki-bow bow chiki*

Ollie!

It just seems to me that
all we'd be losing

if we got rid of Robin is somebody
makes a wee cup of tea, you know.

Shit, Malcolm.

Hello?

Get over here.
Now.

Might be advisable to wear
brown trousers

and a shirt the colour
of blood.

Fuck.

Has he run of?
He does that.

Yeah - he just
gone really HBO.

I've gotta go to
Number 10 now.

Now?

Need my coat - and a one of
you - Terri.

- What?
- I need my - right.

Oh, fuck - shoes.

Do you want me
to go with you?

Yes.

Shit.

Okay. Right -
we're off.

I'm actually wondering whether to
take a Narcan and a lift.

I just wanted to say to you
by the way of introductory remarks

that I'm extremely miffed
about today's events

and in my quest to try to make
you understand the level -

of my uhm - unhappines -
I'm likely to use

an awful lot of - what we would call -
violent sexual imagery

and I just wanted
to check

that neither of you would be
terribly offended by that.

I could actually do without
the theatricks

I think, Malcolm.

Enough!

E-fucking-nough.

You need to learn
to shut your fucking cave.

Right? Today, you have laid your
first big fat egg of solid fuck.

You took the data loss
media strategy

and you ate with
a lump of E. coli.

And then you sprayed it
our of your arse at 300 mph.

I simply made
a mistake.

You got on the record and
off the record fucking mixed up!

What would have happened if like
George Martin would have done that?

They wouldn't be no fucking Beatles
- that's what.

Now - I don't give
a fuck about that.

I've got to fucking sit next to
Paul McCartney in fucking checkers.

The data loss
wasn't my fault.

Fine, yeah -
but I tell you what.

It came out fucking
pretty fast

once you were in there,
didn't it?

Whick make me wonder -
whould I just go

and talk to the boss, should
I go and tell him -

"I don't think she's
up to the job."

You said yourself
if he sacks me after a week

that looks like
HE's fucked up.

Yeah - but that was before-
when your only problem was

a fucking shit pun
in a newspaper

and a face like a dog caught in
lick and piss of a nettle.

Okay - I messed up -
Right?

I messed up, but -

I will from now on listen
to every bit of advice you give me.

I'll go on Question Time wearing
a push up bra and a fez.

I'll do the hustings
on stilts

if that's what you tell me
the strategy is

because you know about
that stuff, Malcolm

I know that.
It's just that

I've got things
that I want to do, alright?

Of course you do like Montessori
fucking rocking horses I suppose.

- No no no.
- The Mail have the motherload

on this - right?

So that means there's a way
through this for us

but it entails you
- Medea

eating a complete concrete
mixer full of humble pie.

Right -
what's the strategy?

The Kraken
awakes...

No no - it's just that this is
the first bit of the meeting

that hasn't been about
expletives and feses and stilts

and teabagging -
I mean -

this is the bit that
relates to media management.

I didn't say anything
about teabagging.

Do you even know what
teabagging is?

Not really - no.

I'm told it's
unpleasant.

Who'd you want
me to call?

The Mail.
Get The Mail in.

Okay, come on - The Cheeky Girls
that's it

back on tour.

- Yeah, love you work.
- Teabagging?

Yes, this is Marianne
from The Mail.

Glenn - I've told you who
I want you to fire.

I need you to do it,
not me, because

because I'm relatively
popular around here

and frankly - you've got
nothing to lose.

Well, this is it, Robin,
this is me - true to my word.

Andrew, mate -
sorry, nothing personal -

you've gotta clear your
desk and go.

- What?
- Please don't hit me

I'm wearing
glasses.

What I'd like to say
to your readers

is that the person responsible
is being fast-tracked

to the dole queue as fast as
her kitten heels will carry her.

You need to leave your
badge, obviously

- Security ...
- Stick it!

Andrew please, don't take it
like this - please.

Is everything right out there?
It seems a ...

That was uhm -

the person
responsible.

Didn't you say something
about kitten heels?

It's never a pretty bussiness,
but you know -

- ... he made mistakes and -
- And he had to go.

Ollie perhaps you could
show Marianne to the lifts

Actually I thought I might
take the stairs -

see what else I can
pick up on my way out.

Very funny.

Hi Nicola.

You're alright?

Yeah.

Robin, could you
get me some tea?

Now?

Uhm...
Bad moment?

You sacked the wrong
person, Glenn.

They're all
bad moments.

Glenn.
How's Nicola?

She look so...

Glum.

She looks like I feel
when I visit Sheffield.

Well I don't think The Guardian
liked us going on the record with Mail.

I did and spin it - I got them
to take "frowny" out

No you didn't - frowny's
the second adjective.

Oh. Well -
I did do something.

"Nicola Murray looking glum,
frowny and tired was overheard

- moaning about ... "
- Glenn, mate...

what would you do if you found
that a dongle that

everyone had
thought was lost

was right at the bottom of
your second best bag?

I don't think, we'd
want it back.

"One of her gems is
a plan to outlaw plastic toys."

Right now, Ollie,
Nicola hates us

but if she knew
we'd found it -

she'd start laughing.

Hating -
is better than laughing.

Trust me.

"Why anyone would like to brand
her a kill-joy

our a sourpuss is
beyond us. "

That was it -
it was sourpuss.

They wanted to put
"sour" - I suggested the "puss".

- Morning.
- Morning.

I'll see if I can find a hammer
and some acid.

/subs by .knotie/