The Sopranos (1999–2007): Season 5, Episode 6 - Sentimental Education - full transcript
Carmela has another furtive romance collapse, while Tony B. throws away a chance to turn his life around.
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What the fuck?
Aw, shit!
So, Bundino,
why you fuck me like this?
What the fuck you talkin' about?
I got a whole leg
covered with Neosporin.
I just spent an hour with the cops
explainin' how it went down.
I no forget you
professional criminal.
Let me ask you somethin'.
If I really wanted to rob you,
you think I'd have to put
up with this bullshit?
Well, just so you know.
I didn't take your truck.
I lost my study guide,
my fuckin' flashcards.
I'm sick of this fuckin'
prejudice against ex-cons.
I never hire you if I no need
Tony Soprano for union.
Not for him, I show
you the fucking window.
Great.
Hey, I thought you
liked the other one.
The Corn Pops.
Here, take it.
What, no juice either?
I told you, write it down.
I'll have the girl
pick up whatever you want.
She doesn't know the difference between
fruit roll-ups and Pop-Tarts.
I know, everybody's
an idiot to you.
You know they got
these places called supermarkets
where you go, and you buy
the things that you like.
I'll reimburse you.
And when am I
supposed to do that?
Well, as far as I can tell,
you spend most of your time on the phone
or sittin' on the couch perfecting
that pissy look on your face.
Add coming home drunk,
sounds like you.
- What the fuck did you say to me?
- Let the fuck go of me.
Or what?
Or what?
One of these days, you wait,
I'm gonna kick your fuckin' ass.
What's wrong with
right now then, huh?
What's wrong with right now?
Come on!
Blah.
Now you got nothin'.
- Thank you, Mary.
- You're welcome.
I hated to call you in but I got
this midterm report
from Mr. Fiske,
Anthony's English teacher.
And, uh, well, it doesn't hit the mail
for a few days
and I thought maybe
we could get a jump on it
and avert any real crisis.
Wonderful, another crisis.
He's still well below
the C average
he needs for the colleges
we discussed.
There is also an issue
with his five paragraph essay.
"Animal Farm"?
Anthony submitted
his one-line topic late.
Then two drafts.
The first was
apparently sketchy.
The second, Fiske said, was...
"suspiciously cogent."
Plagiarism.
He thinks my son cheated?
He spent almost an entire Saturday
afternoon at the library.
- I think it's obvious what's going on.
- What do you mean?
Anyone else shows sudden
improvement, he gets a gold star.
My son gets his act together
and suddenly he's a cheater?
I know what people think, Bob.
Italian-American, father
in the carting industry...
Are you suggesting
some sort of bias?
Because that's
a very serious charge.
I have met this Mr. Fiske.
He's a cold fish.
Couldn't you or one
of the other teachers talk to him?
Tell him how hard AJ's trying?
Nothing will make
a better argument
than continued effort
on AJ's part.
But hey, there...
there's still a shot.
This semester's grade
is heavily weighted on their term paper
- on "Lord of the Flies."
- My stomach is in knots.
That's why I thought it important
that you come in.
Though it...
did take me about an hour
to decide what to wear.
Me too.
Does that mean
you've thought about my dinner offer?
I probably shouldn't say this
but I have thought
about nothing else since you called.
Well, we can't do justice
to any discussion of "Madame Bovary"
over the phone.
That's the thing though.
That book was way over my head.
Why would you even be interested
in someone like me?
Because of just that.
I mean, who admits this stuff?
Not only are you very attractive,
you're unpretentious,
- you say what's on your mind.
- So a big mouth.
I see how that would
attract a man like you.
So, should we grab
a meal or not?
Well, there are other things
to think about. My husband for one.
Your husband's gonna have to get used
to the idea that your life is moving on.
I'm not worried about my life.
Oh!
You know what?
Call me naive,
but in this day and age
I don't really think your husband...
if he found out... is going to break
his son's teacher's legs.
Not to mention
how that would play
in the admissions office
at Arizona State.
I don't get it.
What's so funny about that?
Honey, aren't you gonna
eat something?
Janice made lasagna.
It's not so great but you need
something on your stomach.
We're gonna go.
Got to stop at my mother's.
Gwen just told us how you met.
They let you use
the internet in the can?
They let you post an ad.
I got to read some of that shit.
I bet it's hysterical.
He's, uh...
trying to concentrate.
"Vascular Physiology."
"Neurotomy."
Shit.
T made it out like
it was a big gym test.
Some people don't realize
what massage involves.
I'm practically doin' two years
of medical school on my own right now.
One thing I learned in recovery,
other people's
definitions of you,
sometimes they're more
about makin' themselves feel better.
You got to define yourself.
Keep your eye on the tiger, man.
- See you, Tony.
- Bye.
I suppose I could speak
with Monsignor Bava,
have him call
his nephew at Kmart.
That'll fix us in
the Huggies department.
Well, the diaper drive
covers "Clothe the naked."
What do you say we
work on "Feed the hungry"?
- This looks delicious.
- Thanks for inviting me, Carm.
Pleasant surprise, indeed.
So, how goes life these days?
Actually, I think
I met somebody.
- Really?
- Just kind of happened.
We had been working
on this project together
and suddenly we both realized
that there were
certain feelings.
And I like him
as a person too, of course.
Don't get me wrong.
The funny thing is,
I was sure he was gay.
He sort of reminded me of you.
He's an intellectual.
You know what I mean?
Anyway, we had been
friends, I guess,
and then he called
to ask me out.
And suddenly
all the formality dropped away.
When I saw him the other day,
he looked at me
with this intensity.
Now I know it's wrong,
but the truth is, I feel it too.
You know, if you really
want to discuss this,
I think we should include Tony
in the conversation as well.
Why are you sounding,
I don't know, kind of hostile?
I'm not.
Perhaps that's your sin talking.
This is none of Tony's business.
Who knows what he's been up to, and not
just during the separation either.
That doesn't change the fact you made
a commitment to each other before God.
Maybe you should send the papal nuncio
to Tony and remind him of that.
Why am I the only one held
to any kind of standards?
And for that matter,
if this is wrong,
why did God put
this man in my life?
Is it God that put him there?
Or is there a particular
need you have right now?
See, I never understand this.
Didn't He put the need there?
Say when, se?or.
You!
Office!
5:15, I haven't
punched in yet.
This is still my time.
Yeah?
I give you a hard time
about my truck the other day.
Cops find two kids...
Feel free to apologize any time.
Anyway, they investigate.
Could be joyride.
But I think maybe behind it
is my cousin in the north side.
- You know if they found my books?
- Who knows?
You study hard
for massage, yeah?
The licensing test
is pretty hard.
Huge failure rate.
If you pass, then what
you do with this?
Be a professional masseur.
You no think of massage "kageh"?
You know, small sauna.
Yeah, I could see it.
Four or five tables,
soothing atmosphere.
Pipe in a little Keith Jarrett.
First thing, I get
stuck with you. I think,
"Oh, shit. God damn it.
He lazy American and criminal.
No good for Kim."
But you work for Kim and future.
Like Korean people.
I wouldn't say that.
I come from Korea.
Only new shoes
and uncle's address.
Worse than prison.
But I become
"jah-soo-suhng-gah," the boss.
That's why I try to help you.
Help me how?
What are you talking about?
I stake you the money
in a storefront.
I got a travel agency
in mini-mall over
at West Caldwell.
Shitty business with
a fucking three-year lease.
You know, my daughter,
very interested in massage.
Physical therapy.
Top two-thirds class.
Good for her.
It's a tough nut to crack.
She no like physical
therapy no more.
Cripple people make her sad.
Now, she watch TV,
live at home, do nothing.
You pass test then you,
me, my daughter,
we make the big success journey.
Okay?
Jesus.
Yeah, all right.
I don't know what to say, Kim.
Thanks.
I laid it out for him.
He wants to move back here.
- It's got to be with your approval.
- This was your idea?
It was mutual.
He's upset 'cause you don't get
the kind of cereal he likes.
He threw it in the sink.
How am I supposed to focus
at school with no breakfast?
I got dizzy.
I'm sorry.
I don't see why the two of you
can't work this out
between yourselves.
Well maybe I don't want to live
in a place where people
use violence against children.
Violence? You're lucky I didn't
put my shoe up your ass.
You see? Now that's abuse.
I know what my rights are.
I can call social services
and they'll send a case worker.
Go ahead!
He'll get the other shoe!
- This is demoralizin'.
- Well, now maybe you see...
That a son of mine would even consider
callin' in the authorities!
- Go ahead, live where you want.
- Fine.
Family meeting?
- Try to stay awake, AJ.
- Keep walkin'.
I just want my old room back.
You wanted to live with your father.
Live with your decision.
- I don't like it there.
- Funny, I thought I was the problem.
- I make you miserable, remember?
- I never said that.
- You did.
- Absolutely.
For me to even consider
having you back,
we're gonna have to establish
some non-negotiable ground rules.
- Like what kind?
- Let your mother talk.
First and foremost,
school comes first.
That means putting the brakes
on your social life...
parties, phone calls, Devin.
You are at a crisis point
grade-wise,
so you will make sure that your work
is done on time and correctly.
All right.
I will not tolerate cursing.
After 16 years of uninterrupted potty
mouth from you people, I get slammed?
This is my house.
You will treat me with respect.
Is that it?
I want you to involve me
in your life a little.
All right, fine.
All right.
Go get your stuff from the car.
We played that just right.
I think his time
over there with me
whipped him into shape a little.
Hmm.
I think you'll see a difference.
Which muscles attach
to the coracoid process?
Okay, I fucking know this.
It's on the tip of my tongue.
Oh, fucking study hall again.
Vito, where the fuck
is my Tupperware?
Keep your shirt on. My wife's bringing
it down this afternoon.
Pectoralis minor
and the coracobrachialis, of course.
And?
- Come on. Even I know this.
- Fuck, fine, what is it?
- Biceps!
- What the fuck?
Oh, fuck, I knew that.
My mind's all over the place.
Fear knocked at the door.
Faith answered.
- There was no one there.
- Why do you want to do this shit?
So you can touch
a bunch a strangers?
You really skeeve
the human body, don't you?
You like this so much,
let me ask you a question.
Why do pissing,
shitting and fucking
all happen within
a two-inch radius?
Everybody asks that, Paulie.
There's no answer for it.
They're all sources
of pleasure, though.
Get the fuck out of here!
I know this shit and then
the next minute it's gone.
I don't know how you
do it working full time.
If your parole
officer's a problem,
give our guy Jimmy Curran a call.
He's a supervisor.
It's not that. It's all this pressure
now that I got this opportunity.
Sungyon Kim, my boss,
he's going to back me on
a whole storefront operation.
The Korean?
You're looking for money,
why not come to me?
Well, this is different.
This self-owned
business shit
is like a religion
to these people.
Plus, the guy sees
something in me.
You know, in some ways,
the whole prison thing
is not that different
from being an immigrant.
Remember Pearl Harbor.
We really were
the last people in there.
At least they were
subtle about it.
Was it the stacking
the chairs or running the vacuum?
Relax.
Sorry.
"Madame Bovary."
It's a first edition.
Well, Modern Library's
first edition.
Thank you.
That is so sweet.
Honestly, though, I don't know.
The story's very slow.
Nothing really happens.
I think he could've
said what he has to say
- with a lot less words.
- Outside nothing happens.
But inside she has these extremes
of boredom
and exhilaration.
You should try it again.
And what a wonderful thing
to have in a den.
You know, you look really
beautiful in this light.
I don't do this a lot.
Do what?
Sitting in a car, with a man,
not really knowing what to do,
or if I should at all.
And feeling like some teenager
which was, believe it or not...
I have to tell you.
I haven't been with anyone.
You're a virgin?
This is my lucky night.
Stop with the jokes.
I'm so glad you're here.
So, how was it?
Oh, cut it out.
So, what is "Abelard
and Heloise"?
It looks religious.
I just like to read in there.
It's the classic story.
A 12th century scholar
falls in love with his underage student,
gets her pregnant.
God, in the 12th century?
And they're found out.
And her uncle, the abbot,
has him castrated.
It's timeless, really.
Even though he becomes
a monk and she a nun,
their passion burns on through
these incredible letters
through the rest of their lives.
You, with these books.
Education should never stop.
It enriches all aspects of life.
Hmm, I know.
I wish someone could
convince AJ of that.
I keep thinking he could
start over in college
but who knows if he's even
going to get the chance?
He will.
All our students matriculate.
You got to be fucking kidding me.
No way!
Why do they take so long?
All they have to do
is spit out the results.
5-6-2-4-7-
3-7-32-11.
That's me.
Blundetto.
I'm only authorized
to inform you that your score
meets or exceeds
the required minimum for licensure.
And you're now board
certified in massage
and body work by
the state of New Jersey.
Honey, you passed.
You passed!
Oh Jesus.
I couldn't have done it alone.
Oh my God, look at you.
You did it, baby.
You did it.
Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.
It's been a month since
my last confession.
- Carmela?
- I had sex with that man.
I know we talked
about commitment,
the sacrament
of marriage, but...
I don't know.
- You sound remorseful.
- I am.
I'm also confused, though.
The truth is I have been
walking around on a cloud,
like Maria in
"West Side Story."
It's not right.
Have you heard of
"Abelard and Eloise"?
I think it's "Heloise."
And from what I remember
it ends badly.
I know, exactly.
But, something in me
has been reawakened.
And even if it never
happens again with this man,
just knowing that
feeling of passion again,
I don't know
if it's ever going to go away.
- I'll need it.
- If it never happens again?
Carmela, I can't
absolve you of a sin
you're going
to continue to commit.
You need to show resolve,
a firm purpose to change.
Yeah, I know, I know.
So, this man takes
you to restaurants,
fulfills certain
physical desires,
tells jokes.
But will he be there
beyond the here and now?
When you're too old
to walk to the bathroom,
will he be there to help you?
What, and you think Tony will?
Carmela, you took a vow.
You both did.
For your penance, I want you
to do something kind for Tony.
- I don't think I can, Father.
- Then pray for him,
not only that God
will touch his heart
but that He'll
touch yours as well.
It's not much now,
but it's a pretty flexible space.
Plus you got the dog
groomer next door
in case your Korean
friend wants some lunch.
You know they
really do eat dogs.
- Not all of them but I asked Kim.
- Jesus Christ.
I'm thinking of building
a row of rooms here
with different themes.
Asian for shiatsu,
a little Danish
thing for Rolfing,
even though technically
it's Swedish.
Well, sounds like
it's all coming together.
Look, Ton', I know
you're disappointed.
What the fuck you talking about?
The way things turned out
since I left the can.
Going civilian.
Over here I'm going to put
an oasis with big plants.
Like a waiting area
for the customers.
They could buy some
$30 hand cream
while they look at one
of those fountains with the koi in it.
- I can get you the koi.
- Really, giant carp?
How the fuck do you get that?
It's done. Don't give
it another thought.
- Tony, you here?
- Up front.
Hey. I came by
to get the keys.
I would have gone by the laundry
but my dad's such a hard-on at work.
Tell me about it.
Amanda, this is my cousin Tony.
- Hey.
- Hey, how are you?
Hey, do you believe there's
a dog groomer there
in case somebody needs a snack?
Place is nice.
A little paint, maybe...
- Amanda, This is my cousin Christopher.
- Hey.
So, I met this guy
at a club on Canal.
He says he can hook
us up with ginseng,
fake rhino, nerve tea,
all that herbal shit.
We could keep it up front
with the koi thing.
- If we're still doing that.
- Koi's taken care of.
Well, I got to book.
Nice meeting you guys.
What's she here for,
happy endings?
She's not going
to do massage at all.
She's Kim's daughter.
She's trying to find herself.
She'll do the books and shit.
Oh. Nice ass.
Those ceiling tiles
come right out
so I can install
the sound system myself.
Think you could put in a word
with number one daughter there?
- For what?
- Get some of that Kung Pao kootchie.
You fucking guys,
this is important to me.
Sex agrees with you.
You look great.
You're being discreet, right?
Well, sneaking around
is actually half the fun.
It's like you have this secret,
you know, you want
to scream to the world.
Yeah, but do yourself
a favor, though, huh?
- Yeah.
- So, how was it?
Uh, I will say that
he took his time.
Oh, you're not
getting off that easy.
Come on, details.
- Hello there.
- Hey, AJ.
Hey, Aunt Ro.
How was school?
It sucked.
Mr. Wegler pulled me
out of language lab
to go over my term paper notes.
I didn't have my stuff with me
so he puts his faggy
hand on my shoulder
and says "Do your
best."
That's his job,
to get you into college.
Or maybe he's just a big homo.
Could be.
I'm making ziti for dinner.
Go start your assignments.
I will call you.
Could I watch TV first?
Promise me you're
going to work later.
- But you got to help me.
- I will.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, my Jackie.
- Oh, honey.
They never caught those goddamn
Chinks who killed him.
Oh my God.
It hurts.
So I'm finding the other copy
when Gene the actuary
- completely unloads on me.
- Jerk.
Like yelling is going to make me
do anything but screw up more.
You know you have to remember
that when you're the boss.
The boss.
It's amazing, isn't it?
Jerks.
Garbage pails are right there.
Come on.
- Holy fuck!
- What?!
Oh my God, is it a fetus?
- Oh my God!
- Shh!
- It's crack, or crank maybe.
- They were drug dealers?
Yeah, they were probably thinking
they were being tailed by the cops.
Honey, your parole.
Happy?
Come on.
I have never seen
that much money before.
There's got to be
10-12 grand.
Look at this.
You're doubly blessed.
You're right.
Kim, now this.
I am going to buy you a ring.
You are the sweetest,
sweetest man.
But you should put
it into the business.
See, I got to start
thinking like that.
It's a learning curve.
Well, it seems to say here
that this Piggy represents
intellectualism over the physical.
So maybe the eyeglasses
are symbolic.
And that's a good topic
for section two in your outline.
AJ!
Wake up!
I'm not going to do
this by myself.
How are you going
to finish this paper?
It's not going to write itself.
So now this
so-called bag,
you sure it wasn't
on some old lady's arm?
I can't believe she
thought it was a baby.
People do that shit.
12 grand?
Madonn' mi'.
How many guys you got to jerk off
on a massage table to make that?
I don't know.
What do you charge without the table?
Cristal, gentlemen?
Keep it coming, honey.
From now on, anytime somebody
steps in a pile a shit,
it'll be known as a Blundetto.
To the Blundetto!
- Oh, wait.
- Oh.
- I'm sorry.
- I wasn't ready.
My God, you scared me.
What are you doing here?
Jesus.
Nice greeting.
How are you?
Everything okay?
AJ left this in his room.
Thought he might
need it to turn in.
Did you even look at this?
Who the hell is Anne Dunham?
How the hell should I know?
Well, she's obviously
some girl who was an expert
on "Lord of the Flies"
three years ago.
This is an A-plus paper.
Since when do you eat duck?
I can't believe
he would do this.
Neither can I, considering how tight
he is with money.
That's not what I meant.
You think he bought this?
God damn it!
Hello?
Hi, I was just laying here
thinking about you.
What are you wearing?
Yes, hello, Mr. Wegler.
I'm afraid now is not a good time.
I'm serious.
I want to know.
Uh, well, yes.
Thank you very much.
I will make sure
that he brings it in.
Okay.
Goodbye, Mr. Wegler.
I made reservations
at that crab place down by the shore.
Dinner and a little
night swimming.
Right, okay.
Thank you.
What did that fag want?
Jesus Christ, Tony,
everybody's a fag to you.
Maybe you're a fag,
you ever think about that?
Can I help it if I know one
when I see one?
Really? What are the signs...
education, culture?
Sucking a guy's cock
usually tips me off.
How do you know who sucks whose cock?
You got a little secret?
And what do you care,
anyway, if somebody's gay?
It must be some big fear of yours
or you wouldn't talk about it so much.
I forget now. What part of hell
did you say they go to?
Are they with the abortion doctors
or the child molesters?
- That was a long time ago.
- Now you're all open-minded
that you got a couple of friends
that are bologna smokers.
- Right?
- What the fuck are you doing?
Going for a swim.
Would you leave
your goddamn socks here?
Your underpants?
Hey, that's some beautiful suit.
I had to get it.
It went with the shoes.
Whose got those?
Vito's guy?
Vasily's,
custom-made.
Only thing I ever found in the street
is my first wife.
Dealer has 20.
Son of a bitch.
- Whoa.
- I just took a beating at craps.
- How you guys doing?
- Pocahontas here is scalping us.
What's the matter?
Just nothing.
I don't know.
I just keep thinking about AJ
and that girl's paper.
Oh, it's a pretty common thing,
Carm, really.
Honestly, you know, the important thing
is you took a stand.
A lot of parents just take it in stride,
or even condone it.
It's just the cheating,
you know.
It's just not like him.
He's always done his work.
Poorly, a lot
of the time, and late
but he always did it,
he never cheated.
Well, wait.
Didn't I read somewhere
in his record that he stole
a test at Verbum Dei?
Please, no, that was just acting out.
He was with a bad crowd.
They were there to vandalize
the science lab,
but it was locked,
so they stole some tests.
Well, I was a late bloomer too.
Union college
took a chance on me
because they saw that I had potential,
but I wasn't that mature.
That's all this is.
AJ's just fighting to keep peace
with the kids who seem
further ahead.
You know, you ask me,
I think he was driven to cheating.
It's that-that Mr. Fiske.
He is ridiculous with the pressure.
I mean, how hopeless
would you feel
if you really worked on something
and still got a "D"?
I have been there, Carm.
You're worrying for nothing, I promise.
I have thought
about this all day.
You know I almost called you
from the faculty parking lot.
- Oh, Bob.
- What?
Stop.
Bob, I...
What's the matter?
I can't right now, I'm sorry.
I'm too upset.
Carmela, stay.
What are you doing?
What kind of mother am I?
I mean, look at us.
Do you realize under the laws
of the Church I am still married?
- The Church?
- I can't do this tonight.
- I'm sorry.
- Jesus, Carmela, come on.
Okay, thanks.
It was a fucking blast.
You sure you don't want to eat?
Steak and eggs up by Skyway's.
- Oh, I can't.
- Come on, shut the door.
I'm going to mange then hit the sack
for the next 14 hours.
Hey, I thought once they move you
upstairs you get to leave early.
No such luck.
Got a second?
The Soprano kid.
How is he doing?
Got his paper yet?
Well, the usual.
Solidly below average.
So what, a "C"?
Well no, that's a little
generous for 10% insight,
- 90% Cliff Notes.
- This is an important class, Tom.
Anything less than a "C" is going
to blow that kid out at Arizona State.
You think it's going
to make a difference?
As dean of college admissions
and head of your department,
I happen to know it's a fact.
He's doing his best.
Well, like my dad used to say,
"The world needs
ditch diggers too."
Let me ask you something.
How is floating this kid a C-minus
going to fuck things up here?
AJ Soprano's a spoiled lox.
He'd be lucky to go to a trade school.
It's a D-plus.
Tom, cut him a break.
So what does it mean to the kid
who really breaks his ass in here
if Fredo Corleone can get a "C"
'cause you asked?
Is that what this is about?
His background?
Good night.
I'll be working
over at the place.
That's good dedication.
Way to go.
See, regular people
need a place to relax too.
They can't just hop on a plane
to the Bahamas, right?
Hey, guys, what do you think
of Daddy's business?
Jason, Justin,
I'm talking to you.
- I like it.
- Yeah, it's nice.
Maybe someday when
this thing takes off
you guys can work here,
like as a summer job or something.
Would you like that?
Working with your old man?
Sure.
All right, put those away.
You got to do your homework
before I take you back
or your mom's going to kill me.
Mom says we need helmets
to ride the scooters you got us.
We'll stop at Sports Authority.
- Come on, do your homework.
- Where?
I don't know.
Here, on the floor over there.
Hold it like this.
Ready? Ha!
- That was fast.
- I took a shortcut.
You ever think
of painting that ceiling?
Maybe.
How about a glow-in-the-dark
solar system
like I had in college?
- I was thinking blue, maybe.
- Mm.
You know, like when you stick
your hand in the Caribbean.
Oh, yeah.
Do you think Union College
is a good place for AJ?
I don't know.
It could be.
You know, maybe
you could tell them
how he's a lot like you were
when you were his age.
That's a thought.
So have you ever
been to the Caribbean?
Yeah, Barbados once, years ago.
- Oh, it was beautiful.
- Yeah, it is.
Maybe you could bring up
the fact that he has ADD,
because it's not
the stigma it once was.
That's true.
It isn't.
Where are you going?
Mmm.
Faculty lunch, right?
Patty D'Amico brought them.
What's the matter, you okay?
Maybe we should take a time out.
What?
Really, why?
Because every time I think about putting
the arm on Tom Fiske
I want to poke my eyes out
with a knitting needle.
What does that
have to do with us?
I just think we should, uh...
not do this.
Oh... no, no.
Here tell me.
I don't know any other way
to put this.
I've been thinking and...
I don't know, I...
I think you're a user, Carmela.
What?
Maybe you saw
an opportunity in me
and you just took
what you needed.
Oh, that is not true.
I am here because
I enjoy being with you.
It-it was wonderful,
in fact.
Yeah, it was.
I mean, it is, I know.
How could asking someone you're
with for help be using them?
That's what people do.
Bob, this hurts.
Oh my.
Oh, my stomach. I feel sick.
You strong-armed me using
the only weapon you have... your pussy.
How dare you talk
to me that way?
Okay, let's pretend you don't
know what I'm talking about.
I don't. Of course I don't have
a fucking master's degree.
Leaving me with a massive
hard-on the other night then practically
attacking me sexually
after you got what you wanted.
You know what, Bob?
You are fucked up.
You need help, you know that?
What a fucking idiot I am!
Take it easy.
Believe it or not,
I thought you cared about me.
- I thought you should know how I feel.
- Fuck you!
You better watch your step.
Jesus Christ,
it's 4:00 A.M.
Okay, boys, hands on the table.
Full boat.
Jesus Christ.
- Three fucking jacks over here.
- You just keep jacking, my friend.
- That's it for me. Tapioca.
- You blew the whole 12 grand?
What, are you stupid?
I got $400 left.
I punch-in
in two hours.
There's no sense going home.
Oh, fuck.
Hello?
- Hey, hon, I'm over at your mom's.
- Great.
Roadway Express delivered
five massage tables.
There?
They had that address by mistake.
I told them to deliver here.
They're still in the boxes.
I looked inside though.
They're pretty spiff.
That Salamanca fabric was worth it.
- It's like leather almost.
- Great.
- What's the matter?
- This shit gives me a headache,
details and all that stuff.
Oh you. It's no big, for gosh sake.
We'll get Rudy's truck.
- Maybe I have a brain tumor.
- Honey, you don't.
I got this headache in my jaw.
I read it in "Time" magazine.
It's really not
that likely, Jeez.
I got to get back to the painting
or I'll never get out of here tonight.
I am so fucking sick and tired of your
gambling and complaining.
I've got a headache!
When I think of me
waiting outside that prison
for you to come out
I want to vomit.
I am sick!
I'm evil...
Hey, Henry Ford.
Big entrepreneur.
I like color.
My friend Pak come by?
Fix the toilet?
It's not fixed.
He's got to get a fucking part.
Oh, Pak, he good plumber.
Right over here,
Wes-a Calwell.
"Wes Cahwel, Wes Cahwel."
West Caldwell.
So, partner,
we open in three day, huh?
You fucking stroll in?
- I'm over here busting my fucking ass!
- You fucking crazy!
I work in your fucking laundry
all fucking day!
You fucking scam artist!
Fuck.
Ah!
The pole is bent.
Somebody been
punching this door?
If you had a man around
you wouldn't need to call me.
Yeah, right.
You're still young, Mel,
a good-looking woman.
There's no reason
you shouldn't move on with your life,
if that's what you want.
Well, there actually
was somebody.
And he seemed very nice.
Oh, that's good.
He was a wolf
in sheep's clothing.
He made all these accusations
about my character.
Whatever I say, whatever I do,
because I was married
to a man like Tony,
my motives will always
be called into question.
Well.
Hey.
Sit down.
You want something?
What did you do?
My back.
Fucking job.
A work-related injury.
So, here's the thing.
You mentioned you might need someone
to run the swag airbags.
Bring me a vodka rocks
and get me some kind
of a cushion, will you?
What happened with
the massage parlor?
It's hard doing
business with strangers.
---
What the fuck?
Aw, shit!
So, Bundino,
why you fuck me like this?
What the fuck you talkin' about?
I got a whole leg
covered with Neosporin.
I just spent an hour with the cops
explainin' how it went down.
I no forget you
professional criminal.
Let me ask you somethin'.
If I really wanted to rob you,
you think I'd have to put
up with this bullshit?
Well, just so you know.
I didn't take your truck.
I lost my study guide,
my fuckin' flashcards.
I'm sick of this fuckin'
prejudice against ex-cons.
I never hire you if I no need
Tony Soprano for union.
Not for him, I show
you the fucking window.
Great.
Hey, I thought you
liked the other one.
The Corn Pops.
Here, take it.
What, no juice either?
I told you, write it down.
I'll have the girl
pick up whatever you want.
She doesn't know the difference between
fruit roll-ups and Pop-Tarts.
I know, everybody's
an idiot to you.
You know they got
these places called supermarkets
where you go, and you buy
the things that you like.
I'll reimburse you.
And when am I
supposed to do that?
Well, as far as I can tell,
you spend most of your time on the phone
or sittin' on the couch perfecting
that pissy look on your face.
Add coming home drunk,
sounds like you.
- What the fuck did you say to me?
- Let the fuck go of me.
Or what?
Or what?
One of these days, you wait,
I'm gonna kick your fuckin' ass.
What's wrong with
right now then, huh?
What's wrong with right now?
Come on!
Blah.
Now you got nothin'.
- Thank you, Mary.
- You're welcome.
I hated to call you in but I got
this midterm report
from Mr. Fiske,
Anthony's English teacher.
And, uh, well, it doesn't hit the mail
for a few days
and I thought maybe
we could get a jump on it
and avert any real crisis.
Wonderful, another crisis.
He's still well below
the C average
he needs for the colleges
we discussed.
There is also an issue
with his five paragraph essay.
"Animal Farm"?
Anthony submitted
his one-line topic late.
Then two drafts.
The first was
apparently sketchy.
The second, Fiske said, was...
"suspiciously cogent."
Plagiarism.
He thinks my son cheated?
He spent almost an entire Saturday
afternoon at the library.
- I think it's obvious what's going on.
- What do you mean?
Anyone else shows sudden
improvement, he gets a gold star.
My son gets his act together
and suddenly he's a cheater?
I know what people think, Bob.
Italian-American, father
in the carting industry...
Are you suggesting
some sort of bias?
Because that's
a very serious charge.
I have met this Mr. Fiske.
He's a cold fish.
Couldn't you or one
of the other teachers talk to him?
Tell him how hard AJ's trying?
Nothing will make
a better argument
than continued effort
on AJ's part.
But hey, there...
there's still a shot.
This semester's grade
is heavily weighted on their term paper
- on "Lord of the Flies."
- My stomach is in knots.
That's why I thought it important
that you come in.
Though it...
did take me about an hour
to decide what to wear.
Me too.
Does that mean
you've thought about my dinner offer?
I probably shouldn't say this
but I have thought
about nothing else since you called.
Well, we can't do justice
to any discussion of "Madame Bovary"
over the phone.
That's the thing though.
That book was way over my head.
Why would you even be interested
in someone like me?
Because of just that.
I mean, who admits this stuff?
Not only are you very attractive,
you're unpretentious,
- you say what's on your mind.
- So a big mouth.
I see how that would
attract a man like you.
So, should we grab
a meal or not?
Well, there are other things
to think about. My husband for one.
Your husband's gonna have to get used
to the idea that your life is moving on.
I'm not worried about my life.
Oh!
You know what?
Call me naive,
but in this day and age
I don't really think your husband...
if he found out... is going to break
his son's teacher's legs.
Not to mention
how that would play
in the admissions office
at Arizona State.
I don't get it.
What's so funny about that?
Honey, aren't you gonna
eat something?
Janice made lasagna.
It's not so great but you need
something on your stomach.
We're gonna go.
Got to stop at my mother's.
Gwen just told us how you met.
They let you use
the internet in the can?
They let you post an ad.
I got to read some of that shit.
I bet it's hysterical.
He's, uh...
trying to concentrate.
"Vascular Physiology."
"Neurotomy."
Shit.
T made it out like
it was a big gym test.
Some people don't realize
what massage involves.
I'm practically doin' two years
of medical school on my own right now.
One thing I learned in recovery,
other people's
definitions of you,
sometimes they're more
about makin' themselves feel better.
You got to define yourself.
Keep your eye on the tiger, man.
- See you, Tony.
- Bye.
I suppose I could speak
with Monsignor Bava,
have him call
his nephew at Kmart.
That'll fix us in
the Huggies department.
Well, the diaper drive
covers "Clothe the naked."
What do you say we
work on "Feed the hungry"?
- This looks delicious.
- Thanks for inviting me, Carm.
Pleasant surprise, indeed.
So, how goes life these days?
Actually, I think
I met somebody.
- Really?
- Just kind of happened.
We had been working
on this project together
and suddenly we both realized
that there were
certain feelings.
And I like him
as a person too, of course.
Don't get me wrong.
The funny thing is,
I was sure he was gay.
He sort of reminded me of you.
He's an intellectual.
You know what I mean?
Anyway, we had been
friends, I guess,
and then he called
to ask me out.
And suddenly
all the formality dropped away.
When I saw him the other day,
he looked at me
with this intensity.
Now I know it's wrong,
but the truth is, I feel it too.
You know, if you really
want to discuss this,
I think we should include Tony
in the conversation as well.
Why are you sounding,
I don't know, kind of hostile?
I'm not.
Perhaps that's your sin talking.
This is none of Tony's business.
Who knows what he's been up to, and not
just during the separation either.
That doesn't change the fact you made
a commitment to each other before God.
Maybe you should send the papal nuncio
to Tony and remind him of that.
Why am I the only one held
to any kind of standards?
And for that matter,
if this is wrong,
why did God put
this man in my life?
Is it God that put him there?
Or is there a particular
need you have right now?
See, I never understand this.
Didn't He put the need there?
Say when, se?or.
You!
Office!
5:15, I haven't
punched in yet.
This is still my time.
Yeah?
I give you a hard time
about my truck the other day.
Cops find two kids...
Feel free to apologize any time.
Anyway, they investigate.
Could be joyride.
But I think maybe behind it
is my cousin in the north side.
- You know if they found my books?
- Who knows?
You study hard
for massage, yeah?
The licensing test
is pretty hard.
Huge failure rate.
If you pass, then what
you do with this?
Be a professional masseur.
You no think of massage "kageh"?
You know, small sauna.
Yeah, I could see it.
Four or five tables,
soothing atmosphere.
Pipe in a little Keith Jarrett.
First thing, I get
stuck with you. I think,
"Oh, shit. God damn it.
He lazy American and criminal.
No good for Kim."
But you work for Kim and future.
Like Korean people.
I wouldn't say that.
I come from Korea.
Only new shoes
and uncle's address.
Worse than prison.
But I become
"jah-soo-suhng-gah," the boss.
That's why I try to help you.
Help me how?
What are you talking about?
I stake you the money
in a storefront.
I got a travel agency
in mini-mall over
at West Caldwell.
Shitty business with
a fucking three-year lease.
You know, my daughter,
very interested in massage.
Physical therapy.
Top two-thirds class.
Good for her.
It's a tough nut to crack.
She no like physical
therapy no more.
Cripple people make her sad.
Now, she watch TV,
live at home, do nothing.
You pass test then you,
me, my daughter,
we make the big success journey.
Okay?
Jesus.
Yeah, all right.
I don't know what to say, Kim.
Thanks.
I laid it out for him.
He wants to move back here.
- It's got to be with your approval.
- This was your idea?
It was mutual.
He's upset 'cause you don't get
the kind of cereal he likes.
He threw it in the sink.
How am I supposed to focus
at school with no breakfast?
I got dizzy.
I'm sorry.
I don't see why the two of you
can't work this out
between yourselves.
Well maybe I don't want to live
in a place where people
use violence against children.
Violence? You're lucky I didn't
put my shoe up your ass.
You see? Now that's abuse.
I know what my rights are.
I can call social services
and they'll send a case worker.
Go ahead!
He'll get the other shoe!
- This is demoralizin'.
- Well, now maybe you see...
That a son of mine would even consider
callin' in the authorities!
- Go ahead, live where you want.
- Fine.
Family meeting?
- Try to stay awake, AJ.
- Keep walkin'.
I just want my old room back.
You wanted to live with your father.
Live with your decision.
- I don't like it there.
- Funny, I thought I was the problem.
- I make you miserable, remember?
- I never said that.
- You did.
- Absolutely.
For me to even consider
having you back,
we're gonna have to establish
some non-negotiable ground rules.
- Like what kind?
- Let your mother talk.
First and foremost,
school comes first.
That means putting the brakes
on your social life...
parties, phone calls, Devin.
You are at a crisis point
grade-wise,
so you will make sure that your work
is done on time and correctly.
All right.
I will not tolerate cursing.
After 16 years of uninterrupted potty
mouth from you people, I get slammed?
This is my house.
You will treat me with respect.
Is that it?
I want you to involve me
in your life a little.
All right, fine.
All right.
Go get your stuff from the car.
We played that just right.
I think his time
over there with me
whipped him into shape a little.
Hmm.
I think you'll see a difference.
Which muscles attach
to the coracoid process?
Okay, I fucking know this.
It's on the tip of my tongue.
Oh, fucking study hall again.
Vito, where the fuck
is my Tupperware?
Keep your shirt on. My wife's bringing
it down this afternoon.
Pectoralis minor
and the coracobrachialis, of course.
And?
- Come on. Even I know this.
- Fuck, fine, what is it?
- Biceps!
- What the fuck?
Oh, fuck, I knew that.
My mind's all over the place.
Fear knocked at the door.
Faith answered.
- There was no one there.
- Why do you want to do this shit?
So you can touch
a bunch a strangers?
You really skeeve
the human body, don't you?
You like this so much,
let me ask you a question.
Why do pissing,
shitting and fucking
all happen within
a two-inch radius?
Everybody asks that, Paulie.
There's no answer for it.
They're all sources
of pleasure, though.
Get the fuck out of here!
I know this shit and then
the next minute it's gone.
I don't know how you
do it working full time.
If your parole
officer's a problem,
give our guy Jimmy Curran a call.
He's a supervisor.
It's not that. It's all this pressure
now that I got this opportunity.
Sungyon Kim, my boss,
he's going to back me on
a whole storefront operation.
The Korean?
You're looking for money,
why not come to me?
Well, this is different.
This self-owned
business shit
is like a religion
to these people.
Plus, the guy sees
something in me.
You know, in some ways,
the whole prison thing
is not that different
from being an immigrant.
Remember Pearl Harbor.
We really were
the last people in there.
At least they were
subtle about it.
Was it the stacking
the chairs or running the vacuum?
Relax.
Sorry.
"Madame Bovary."
It's a first edition.
Well, Modern Library's
first edition.
Thank you.
That is so sweet.
Honestly, though, I don't know.
The story's very slow.
Nothing really happens.
I think he could've
said what he has to say
- with a lot less words.
- Outside nothing happens.
But inside she has these extremes
of boredom
and exhilaration.
You should try it again.
And what a wonderful thing
to have in a den.
You know, you look really
beautiful in this light.
I don't do this a lot.
Do what?
Sitting in a car, with a man,
not really knowing what to do,
or if I should at all.
And feeling like some teenager
which was, believe it or not...
I have to tell you.
I haven't been with anyone.
You're a virgin?
This is my lucky night.
Stop with the jokes.
I'm so glad you're here.
So, how was it?
Oh, cut it out.
So, what is "Abelard
and Heloise"?
It looks religious.
I just like to read in there.
It's the classic story.
A 12th century scholar
falls in love with his underage student,
gets her pregnant.
God, in the 12th century?
And they're found out.
And her uncle, the abbot,
has him castrated.
It's timeless, really.
Even though he becomes
a monk and she a nun,
their passion burns on through
these incredible letters
through the rest of their lives.
You, with these books.
Education should never stop.
It enriches all aspects of life.
Hmm, I know.
I wish someone could
convince AJ of that.
I keep thinking he could
start over in college
but who knows if he's even
going to get the chance?
He will.
All our students matriculate.
You got to be fucking kidding me.
No way!
Why do they take so long?
All they have to do
is spit out the results.
5-6-2-4-7-
3-7-32-11.
That's me.
Blundetto.
I'm only authorized
to inform you that your score
meets or exceeds
the required minimum for licensure.
And you're now board
certified in massage
and body work by
the state of New Jersey.
Honey, you passed.
You passed!
Oh Jesus.
I couldn't have done it alone.
Oh my God, look at you.
You did it, baby.
You did it.
Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.
It's been a month since
my last confession.
- Carmela?
- I had sex with that man.
I know we talked
about commitment,
the sacrament
of marriage, but...
I don't know.
- You sound remorseful.
- I am.
I'm also confused, though.
The truth is I have been
walking around on a cloud,
like Maria in
"West Side Story."
It's not right.
Have you heard of
"Abelard and Eloise"?
I think it's "Heloise."
And from what I remember
it ends badly.
I know, exactly.
But, something in me
has been reawakened.
And even if it never
happens again with this man,
just knowing that
feeling of passion again,
I don't know
if it's ever going to go away.
- I'll need it.
- If it never happens again?
Carmela, I can't
absolve you of a sin
you're going
to continue to commit.
You need to show resolve,
a firm purpose to change.
Yeah, I know, I know.
So, this man takes
you to restaurants,
fulfills certain
physical desires,
tells jokes.
But will he be there
beyond the here and now?
When you're too old
to walk to the bathroom,
will he be there to help you?
What, and you think Tony will?
Carmela, you took a vow.
You both did.
For your penance, I want you
to do something kind for Tony.
- I don't think I can, Father.
- Then pray for him,
not only that God
will touch his heart
but that He'll
touch yours as well.
It's not much now,
but it's a pretty flexible space.
Plus you got the dog
groomer next door
in case your Korean
friend wants some lunch.
You know they
really do eat dogs.
- Not all of them but I asked Kim.
- Jesus Christ.
I'm thinking of building
a row of rooms here
with different themes.
Asian for shiatsu,
a little Danish
thing for Rolfing,
even though technically
it's Swedish.
Well, sounds like
it's all coming together.
Look, Ton', I know
you're disappointed.
What the fuck you talking about?
The way things turned out
since I left the can.
Going civilian.
Over here I'm going to put
an oasis with big plants.
Like a waiting area
for the customers.
They could buy some
$30 hand cream
while they look at one
of those fountains with the koi in it.
- I can get you the koi.
- Really, giant carp?
How the fuck do you get that?
It's done. Don't give
it another thought.
- Tony, you here?
- Up front.
Hey. I came by
to get the keys.
I would have gone by the laundry
but my dad's such a hard-on at work.
Tell me about it.
Amanda, this is my cousin Tony.
- Hey.
- Hey, how are you?
Hey, do you believe there's
a dog groomer there
in case somebody needs a snack?
Place is nice.
A little paint, maybe...
- Amanda, This is my cousin Christopher.
- Hey.
So, I met this guy
at a club on Canal.
He says he can hook
us up with ginseng,
fake rhino, nerve tea,
all that herbal shit.
We could keep it up front
with the koi thing.
- If we're still doing that.
- Koi's taken care of.
Well, I got to book.
Nice meeting you guys.
What's she here for,
happy endings?
She's not going
to do massage at all.
She's Kim's daughter.
She's trying to find herself.
She'll do the books and shit.
Oh. Nice ass.
Those ceiling tiles
come right out
so I can install
the sound system myself.
Think you could put in a word
with number one daughter there?
- For what?
- Get some of that Kung Pao kootchie.
You fucking guys,
this is important to me.
Sex agrees with you.
You look great.
You're being discreet, right?
Well, sneaking around
is actually half the fun.
It's like you have this secret,
you know, you want
to scream to the world.
Yeah, but do yourself
a favor, though, huh?
- Yeah.
- So, how was it?
Uh, I will say that
he took his time.
Oh, you're not
getting off that easy.
Come on, details.
- Hello there.
- Hey, AJ.
Hey, Aunt Ro.
How was school?
It sucked.
Mr. Wegler pulled me
out of language lab
to go over my term paper notes.
I didn't have my stuff with me
so he puts his faggy
hand on my shoulder
and says "Do your
best."
That's his job,
to get you into college.
Or maybe he's just a big homo.
Could be.
I'm making ziti for dinner.
Go start your assignments.
I will call you.
Could I watch TV first?
Promise me you're
going to work later.
- But you got to help me.
- I will.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, my Jackie.
- Oh, honey.
They never caught those goddamn
Chinks who killed him.
Oh my God.
It hurts.
So I'm finding the other copy
when Gene the actuary
- completely unloads on me.
- Jerk.
Like yelling is going to make me
do anything but screw up more.
You know you have to remember
that when you're the boss.
The boss.
It's amazing, isn't it?
Jerks.
Garbage pails are right there.
Come on.
- Holy fuck!
- What?!
Oh my God, is it a fetus?
- Oh my God!
- Shh!
- It's crack, or crank maybe.
- They were drug dealers?
Yeah, they were probably thinking
they were being tailed by the cops.
Honey, your parole.
Happy?
Come on.
I have never seen
that much money before.
There's got to be
10-12 grand.
Look at this.
You're doubly blessed.
You're right.
Kim, now this.
I am going to buy you a ring.
You are the sweetest,
sweetest man.
But you should put
it into the business.
See, I got to start
thinking like that.
It's a learning curve.
Well, it seems to say here
that this Piggy represents
intellectualism over the physical.
So maybe the eyeglasses
are symbolic.
And that's a good topic
for section two in your outline.
AJ!
Wake up!
I'm not going to do
this by myself.
How are you going
to finish this paper?
It's not going to write itself.
So now this
so-called bag,
you sure it wasn't
on some old lady's arm?
I can't believe she
thought it was a baby.
People do that shit.
12 grand?
Madonn' mi'.
How many guys you got to jerk off
on a massage table to make that?
I don't know.
What do you charge without the table?
Cristal, gentlemen?
Keep it coming, honey.
From now on, anytime somebody
steps in a pile a shit,
it'll be known as a Blundetto.
To the Blundetto!
- Oh, wait.
- Oh.
- I'm sorry.
- I wasn't ready.
My God, you scared me.
What are you doing here?
Jesus.
Nice greeting.
How are you?
Everything okay?
AJ left this in his room.
Thought he might
need it to turn in.
Did you even look at this?
Who the hell is Anne Dunham?
How the hell should I know?
Well, she's obviously
some girl who was an expert
on "Lord of the Flies"
three years ago.
This is an A-plus paper.
Since when do you eat duck?
I can't believe
he would do this.
Neither can I, considering how tight
he is with money.
That's not what I meant.
You think he bought this?
God damn it!
Hello?
Hi, I was just laying here
thinking about you.
What are you wearing?
Yes, hello, Mr. Wegler.
I'm afraid now is not a good time.
I'm serious.
I want to know.
Uh, well, yes.
Thank you very much.
I will make sure
that he brings it in.
Okay.
Goodbye, Mr. Wegler.
I made reservations
at that crab place down by the shore.
Dinner and a little
night swimming.
Right, okay.
Thank you.
What did that fag want?
Jesus Christ, Tony,
everybody's a fag to you.
Maybe you're a fag,
you ever think about that?
Can I help it if I know one
when I see one?
Really? What are the signs...
education, culture?
Sucking a guy's cock
usually tips me off.
How do you know who sucks whose cock?
You got a little secret?
And what do you care,
anyway, if somebody's gay?
It must be some big fear of yours
or you wouldn't talk about it so much.
I forget now. What part of hell
did you say they go to?
Are they with the abortion doctors
or the child molesters?
- That was a long time ago.
- Now you're all open-minded
that you got a couple of friends
that are bologna smokers.
- Right?
- What the fuck are you doing?
Going for a swim.
Would you leave
your goddamn socks here?
Your underpants?
Hey, that's some beautiful suit.
I had to get it.
It went with the shoes.
Whose got those?
Vito's guy?
Vasily's,
custom-made.
Only thing I ever found in the street
is my first wife.
Dealer has 20.
Son of a bitch.
- Whoa.
- I just took a beating at craps.
- How you guys doing?
- Pocahontas here is scalping us.
What's the matter?
Just nothing.
I don't know.
I just keep thinking about AJ
and that girl's paper.
Oh, it's a pretty common thing,
Carm, really.
Honestly, you know, the important thing
is you took a stand.
A lot of parents just take it in stride,
or even condone it.
It's just the cheating,
you know.
It's just not like him.
He's always done his work.
Poorly, a lot
of the time, and late
but he always did it,
he never cheated.
Well, wait.
Didn't I read somewhere
in his record that he stole
a test at Verbum Dei?
Please, no, that was just acting out.
He was with a bad crowd.
They were there to vandalize
the science lab,
but it was locked,
so they stole some tests.
Well, I was a late bloomer too.
Union college
took a chance on me
because they saw that I had potential,
but I wasn't that mature.
That's all this is.
AJ's just fighting to keep peace
with the kids who seem
further ahead.
You know, you ask me,
I think he was driven to cheating.
It's that-that Mr. Fiske.
He is ridiculous with the pressure.
I mean, how hopeless
would you feel
if you really worked on something
and still got a "D"?
I have been there, Carm.
You're worrying for nothing, I promise.
I have thought
about this all day.
You know I almost called you
from the faculty parking lot.
- Oh, Bob.
- What?
Stop.
Bob, I...
What's the matter?
I can't right now, I'm sorry.
I'm too upset.
Carmela, stay.
What are you doing?
What kind of mother am I?
I mean, look at us.
Do you realize under the laws
of the Church I am still married?
- The Church?
- I can't do this tonight.
- I'm sorry.
- Jesus, Carmela, come on.
Okay, thanks.
It was a fucking blast.
You sure you don't want to eat?
Steak and eggs up by Skyway's.
- Oh, I can't.
- Come on, shut the door.
I'm going to mange then hit the sack
for the next 14 hours.
Hey, I thought once they move you
upstairs you get to leave early.
No such luck.
Got a second?
The Soprano kid.
How is he doing?
Got his paper yet?
Well, the usual.
Solidly below average.
So what, a "C"?
Well no, that's a little
generous for 10% insight,
- 90% Cliff Notes.
- This is an important class, Tom.
Anything less than a "C" is going
to blow that kid out at Arizona State.
You think it's going
to make a difference?
As dean of college admissions
and head of your department,
I happen to know it's a fact.
He's doing his best.
Well, like my dad used to say,
"The world needs
ditch diggers too."
Let me ask you something.
How is floating this kid a C-minus
going to fuck things up here?
AJ Soprano's a spoiled lox.
He'd be lucky to go to a trade school.
It's a D-plus.
Tom, cut him a break.
So what does it mean to the kid
who really breaks his ass in here
if Fredo Corleone can get a "C"
'cause you asked?
Is that what this is about?
His background?
Good night.
I'll be working
over at the place.
That's good dedication.
Way to go.
See, regular people
need a place to relax too.
They can't just hop on a plane
to the Bahamas, right?
Hey, guys, what do you think
of Daddy's business?
Jason, Justin,
I'm talking to you.
- I like it.
- Yeah, it's nice.
Maybe someday when
this thing takes off
you guys can work here,
like as a summer job or something.
Would you like that?
Working with your old man?
Sure.
All right, put those away.
You got to do your homework
before I take you back
or your mom's going to kill me.
Mom says we need helmets
to ride the scooters you got us.
We'll stop at Sports Authority.
- Come on, do your homework.
- Where?
I don't know.
Here, on the floor over there.
Hold it like this.
Ready? Ha!
- That was fast.
- I took a shortcut.
You ever think
of painting that ceiling?
Maybe.
How about a glow-in-the-dark
solar system
like I had in college?
- I was thinking blue, maybe.
- Mm.
You know, like when you stick
your hand in the Caribbean.
Oh, yeah.
Do you think Union College
is a good place for AJ?
I don't know.
It could be.
You know, maybe
you could tell them
how he's a lot like you were
when you were his age.
That's a thought.
So have you ever
been to the Caribbean?
Yeah, Barbados once, years ago.
- Oh, it was beautiful.
- Yeah, it is.
Maybe you could bring up
the fact that he has ADD,
because it's not
the stigma it once was.
That's true.
It isn't.
Where are you going?
Mmm.
Faculty lunch, right?
Patty D'Amico brought them.
What's the matter, you okay?
Maybe we should take a time out.
What?
Really, why?
Because every time I think about putting
the arm on Tom Fiske
I want to poke my eyes out
with a knitting needle.
What does that
have to do with us?
I just think we should, uh...
not do this.
Oh... no, no.
Here tell me.
I don't know any other way
to put this.
I've been thinking and...
I don't know, I...
I think you're a user, Carmela.
What?
Maybe you saw
an opportunity in me
and you just took
what you needed.
Oh, that is not true.
I am here because
I enjoy being with you.
It-it was wonderful,
in fact.
Yeah, it was.
I mean, it is, I know.
How could asking someone you're
with for help be using them?
That's what people do.
Bob, this hurts.
Oh my.
Oh, my stomach. I feel sick.
You strong-armed me using
the only weapon you have... your pussy.
How dare you talk
to me that way?
Okay, let's pretend you don't
know what I'm talking about.
I don't. Of course I don't have
a fucking master's degree.
Leaving me with a massive
hard-on the other night then practically
attacking me sexually
after you got what you wanted.
You know what, Bob?
You are fucked up.
You need help, you know that?
What a fucking idiot I am!
Take it easy.
Believe it or not,
I thought you cared about me.
- I thought you should know how I feel.
- Fuck you!
You better watch your step.
Jesus Christ,
it's 4:00 A.M.
Okay, boys, hands on the table.
Full boat.
Jesus Christ.
- Three fucking jacks over here.
- You just keep jacking, my friend.
- That's it for me. Tapioca.
- You blew the whole 12 grand?
What, are you stupid?
I got $400 left.
I punch-in
in two hours.
There's no sense going home.
Oh, fuck.
Hello?
- Hey, hon, I'm over at your mom's.
- Great.
Roadway Express delivered
five massage tables.
There?
They had that address by mistake.
I told them to deliver here.
They're still in the boxes.
I looked inside though.
They're pretty spiff.
That Salamanca fabric was worth it.
- It's like leather almost.
- Great.
- What's the matter?
- This shit gives me a headache,
details and all that stuff.
Oh you. It's no big, for gosh sake.
We'll get Rudy's truck.
- Maybe I have a brain tumor.
- Honey, you don't.
I got this headache in my jaw.
I read it in "Time" magazine.
It's really not
that likely, Jeez.
I got to get back to the painting
or I'll never get out of here tonight.
I am so fucking sick and tired of your
gambling and complaining.
I've got a headache!
When I think of me
waiting outside that prison
for you to come out
I want to vomit.
I am sick!
I'm evil...
Hey, Henry Ford.
Big entrepreneur.
I like color.
My friend Pak come by?
Fix the toilet?
It's not fixed.
He's got to get a fucking part.
Oh, Pak, he good plumber.
Right over here,
Wes-a Calwell.
"Wes Cahwel, Wes Cahwel."
West Caldwell.
So, partner,
we open in three day, huh?
You fucking stroll in?
- I'm over here busting my fucking ass!
- You fucking crazy!
I work in your fucking laundry
all fucking day!
You fucking scam artist!
Fuck.
Ah!
The pole is bent.
Somebody been
punching this door?
If you had a man around
you wouldn't need to call me.
Yeah, right.
You're still young, Mel,
a good-looking woman.
There's no reason
you shouldn't move on with your life,
if that's what you want.
Well, there actually
was somebody.
And he seemed very nice.
Oh, that's good.
He was a wolf
in sheep's clothing.
He made all these accusations
about my character.
Whatever I say, whatever I do,
because I was married
to a man like Tony,
my motives will always
be called into question.
Well.
Hey.
Sit down.
You want something?
What did you do?
My back.
Fucking job.
A work-related injury.
So, here's the thing.
You mentioned you might need someone
to run the swag airbags.
Bring me a vodka rocks
and get me some kind
of a cushion, will you?
What happened with
the massage parlor?
It's hard doing
business with strangers.