The Sopranos (1999–2007): Season 5, Episode 12 - Long Term Parking - full transcript
Tony makes a request to Johnny Sack on behalf of his cousin, and Adriana makes a request to the FBI, followed by one to Chris.
Walter? Hey, you looking for me?
Yeah, the Crazy Horse.
That's you, right?
- Yeah, you got something?
- Yeah, pole camera. Three days ago.
She locks up the club for the night.
She's throwing away the garbage.
Yeah?
But then she changes her mind.
- Funny.
- Interesting.
The good news is no polyps.
The bad news is, as you can see...
you've got a fairly severe case
of ulcerative colitis.
- Jesus Christ.
- She was getting better.
Then last week, another flare-up.
How you doing with the Prozac?
Is it helping?
- She can't even sleep.
- Ma.
- Well, look at her.
- I'd like to start you on prednisone.
- It's a steroid.
- Like for weight lifters?
I've had a great deal of success with it
treating this type of condition.
I do need to warn you, however,
there are certain side effects.
Mind you, these are temporary.
There's a good chance of weight gain,
accompanied by Cushing's syndrome.
That's a swelling of the facial features.
- Sort of a moon face.
- What?
- Jerry Lewis in the last year or two.
- Oh, my God.
She's planning a wedding,
for Christ's sake.
It was fine one day,
then suddenly I get audio and no picture.
- Somebody been fooling around with it?
- A.J. had his friends over.
Oh, how'd he do
over there with your dad?
- Out raking the driveway?
- Fine.
Except my mother kept hounding him,
asking if we were getting back together.
You know, I had a dream
that I moved back in here.
You know, just for the record...
I realize what I did was wrong.
My activities while I lived here.
Knowing you were wrong
isn't the half of it, Tony.
Oh, really?
What's the other half?
Well, suppose something did happen...
where theoretically
we did get back together.
Any marriage would need fidelity.
Like Popeye says. "I am what I am."
Well, I didn't marry a cartoon.
Well, it wouldn't be a cartoon.
You had your own indiscretions yourself.
- That thing with Furio?
- I did not sleep with him, Tony.
I'm just saying that, you know,
we're all human, that's all.
You know, the truth is,
I got myself where I am.
But your open indiscretion,
your total disregard...
Well, you're right, it was...
It was horrible.
To have a knot in your stomach
every time the phone rings.
Like you were saying, theoretically,
though, if we do reconcile...
that stuff will never happen again.
Come on, you gonna go or what?
I'm coming, I was finishing my drink.
Fuck!
You can't stay holed up here.
It's not healthy, Carmine.
How'd it get to this?
Retaliation, counterattacks.
We're at a fucking "stagmire."
We back down now, bunker down...
what kind of a message
does that send?
Not just to Johnny's people, either.
Billy Leotardo. What the hell was that?
This Blundetto asshole
went off the reservation.
All due respect, Carmine,
that's why you need to get out there.
Put your ear to the street.
Let the guys see you take the reins.
That's not how I wanna handle it.
Hey, don't get me wrong.
I always liked your cousin.
But whacking Phil's brother
was a major poke in the ass.
You know my cousin almost cried
when I put him in charge of the casino?
All I did for that blue-eyed prick.
And he completely fucks me over.
Now I practically gotta get down
on my knees to Johnny Sack.
Where the fuck you been? You're late.
Highway was jammed with broken
heroes on a last-chance power drive.
Oh, you're gonna get fucking cute now?
- Anything on Tony B?
- No, he's still on a milk carton.
There she is.
My smelly valentine.
Christopher, that's not funny.
The fuck are you doing?
I can handle a cocktail
once in a while, right?
You guys okay? You need anything else?
You still feeling sick, hon?
Please. They gotta replace her colon
with a semicolon.
Maybe you should be a vegan.
- Doctor says I gotta relax.
- From what?
She's got the world at her feet,
she walks around like impending doom.
Come on, we gotta go.
Take it easy, now.
Don't listen to him. People got
their health, they take it for granted.
- How's your thing, the...?
- Just gotta keep an eye on it, that's all.
So Carm and me,
getting back together, maybe.
That's great.
- The kids will be thrilled.
- Yeah.
When we get settled,
we'll have you guys over.
You know, family dinner.
Feel better, huh?
John.
First off...
let me just say how sorry I am
for your loss. We all are.
Take your fucking "sorrys"
and stick them in your ass.
I could say nothing. Be a heartless prick.
He tried to talk.
He couldn't even say his last words.
Anybody ever die in your arms,
you cocksucker?
A family member? Somebody you love?
No.
Well, give it time.
See if I can't make that happen for you.
All right, that's enough.
- Philly, why don't you go have a drink.
- Don't tell me what to do, Jimmy.
Jimmy's right.
Fuck them, John. Fuck all of them.
Was that fucking necessary?
He shouldn't even have been here.
He's got a right to be here.
He's got a right
to a lot of things right now.
My cousin acted alone.
I did not sanction this.
The lone-gunman theory.
You know how close
he and Angelo were in the can.
He flipped the fuck out.
He whacked Joey Peeps,
what flipped him out that time?
What do you want, John?
What do you want me to say?
I want your cousin on a fucking spit.
I don't know where he is.
- Nobody does.
- Fine.
Maybe one of your other relatives, then.
What, I gotta stand here
being threatened now?
- All right, Chrissy.
- All right, nobody's making threats.
Look, Tony's in hiding, John.
You either deliver that prick
to my door...
or I will rain a shit storm
down on you and your family...
like you have never fucking seen.
We're done here.
There are over 200,000
species of mollusks.
And right there
is a good example of a conch...
which is also known
as a knobbed whelk.
See, these raised spines on it
help keep it settled wherever it lands.
That's what I call my dick.
I heard that.
That's just nasty.
Oh, fuck! Check it.
- Oh, shit!
- Hurry up.
Don't touch it.
Apprentice Delaney, get back here!
Little Meadow in a bridal gown.
Madonna. Couple more years,
Grandma and Grandpa.
Bite your tongue.
So the other day,
what you said, I processed it.
Mm hm.
You know, your feelings.
It really hit home with me, finally.
You know, with you out of the house,
I had a chance to do a lot of thinking.
I mean, it's partly my fault...
but I need something else in my life.
You know, with Meadow
getting engaged, A.J. almost...
You want another kid.
No.
It turns out there is a lot
for sale over on Crestview.
A little over an acre.
I was thinking,
I could build a spec house...
and take my dad in as a partner.
I mean, my allowance
is what it is, but...
- How much is the lot?
- Six hundred thousand.
Anyway, he would oversee
the construction.
Well, I'll call Ginsberg...
and have him free up a down payment.
And then?
I'll move back in.
Supposing that happened...
what about the other issues
that were on the table?
I swear to you, on our children...
that my midlife-crisis problems...
will no longer intrude on you anymore.
Okay.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- What, are you having dinner?
Hey, you. Have you settled
on a caterer yet?
Can I talk to you?
What's up? You hear from Tony?
I talked to Kelvin or Calvin, whatever,
that redneck from North Carolina.
He got a call
from the Bureau of Alcohol and Tobacco.
Some bodega in Newark's been
selling cigarettes without tax stamps.
Stupid spics. They were supposed
to stamp them themselves.
The feds are all over it now.
I don't got enough on my fucking mind?
- Any idea how you're gonna handle that?
- Handle what?
Our cousin, you know.
Phil and John.
I don't know. I gotta think about it.
From now on, Paulie supervises
the entire cigarette run.
- Split everything down the middle.
- What?
- You fucking heard me.
- I got a fucking wedding to pay for.
Well, if I were you,
I'd cut out the open bar.
Fuck this piece of shit. I'm done.
You hear me?
Put my life on the line. My fucking life.
Baby, I hate seeing you like this.
Fuck family. Fuck loyalty.
You cost him a dime,
you're a fucking pariah.
I gave that fuck
pieces of my soul, Adriana.
You know what he said to me?
- He said I should have a fucking drink.
- When?
Up there, when we were up
at Uncle Pat's farm.
You don't need to listen to him.
Isn't that why you have a sponsor?
Him and Tony B., breaking my balls.
Teasing me, like when I was little.
I mean, what kind of fucked-up,
undermining shit is that...
to tell someone
who's got the disease?
You know I could take him out
in a second, that fat fuck.
His kids wouldn't even give a shit.
Don't talk like that.
You're a better man than he is.
A better person.
Fuck all this shit with Paulie and all.
You know what hurts me worse?
Right to my heart?
Him and our ass-wipe cousin,
that two-faced cocksucker.
He could get us all killed
with New York, and him...
Tony has to think about what to do
with him now, after all this shit.
Me, he don't need to fucking think.
Well, maybe I need to think!
Ever thought of that,
you fat fucking scumbag?
That's the guy, Adriana.
My Uncle Tony.
The guy I'm going to hell for.
- Long Branch cops.
- What do you think?
Not your average bulls. Detectives.
Call the Long Branch P.D.
Find out what's up.
So you all set?
- Don't look at me.
- Why? You look good.
And you're gonna look nice
with the short hair.
Like... What's-her-name.
That actress.
Just take me home.
I can drop you off,
but I really can't stay.
Why not?
All right, look, first off,
like I said before...
as far as all the medical bills
and the prescriptions, that's covered.
Ad nauseam.
You motherfucker.
- Hey, take it easy.
- This is how you leave me?
When I'm almost burned to death
cooking you a snack?
You could have just as easily
been making yourself something to eat.
- Am I that fucking horrible now?
- No. You're not horrible at all.
- I'm going back to my wife.
- You selfish fuck.
I hate you.
There's no future with us.
I told you that right from the get-go.
That's why I didn't want you
hitching your wagon to my star.
You'll heal up.
- You'll meet somebody else.
- Fuck you!
You know, I didn't come here to fight.
I came here to pick you up...
and end this like a gentleman.
I'm gonna fucking kill myself.
I gotta take this.
Hello?
Is that you?
I know you're there. Just say something.
Where the fuck are...?
Your call cannot be...
- Bing.
- Yeah, it's me.
Your friend at the phone company.
Have him call me.
- Who, Gerard?
- Wanna put traps on all my lines.
Adriana.
Oh, Jesus. What?
- We need to talk.
- I was buying medicine.
- This way, please.
- Let's go.
But my car...
Hello?
- Hey.
- Hey.
Give me a hand, will you?
I got more stuff in the car, so...
Where should I put it?
The bedroom.
Oh, you made it. Hey.
I was just starting dinner.
Yeah. Smells good.
- What's this?
- I got you something, you know, small.
Oh, this is beautiful. Tony.
With my black coat.
It's a Herm?s. Supposed to be the best.
There's the whipped butter too,
if you like.
Oh, no, this is all right.
This is fucking weird.
A.J.
No, he's right.
It is fucking weird.
You know what?
We should celebrate.
Oh!
Here, give me your glass.
Trick is you gotta hold the cork.
Don't let it fly out.
Gab's uncle got a detached retina
at his own retirement party.
He never saw out of that eye again.
That's festive.
I wanna make a toast.
To the people I love.
Nothing else matters.
Hear, hear.
Whoa, slow down, slow down.
Supposed to savor it.
It's important in life.
- Open the door for Mr. Muckle.
- What?
Open the door for Mr. Muckle,
the blind man.
- How about my kumquats?
- What'd you say?
- Kumquats!
- Wait!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
It's all right. All right.
All right.
So?
I was throwing the garbage out.
So what?
Isn't it illegal, anyway?
To film people without telling them?
And the reason you didn't just
leave the garbage in the dumpster?
There were bills and stuff,
and our account numbers were on it.
Friend of yours?
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- His name is Gilbert Nieves.
There were partial traces
of an infrared stamp on his hand
- from the Crazy Horse.
- I don't know him.
You told the Long Branch Police
he was at the club that night.
Let me ask you a question,
Miss La Cerva.
Do you think we have you here...
because we don't know
what's in that garbage bag?
He was stabbed in the club.
You tried to dispose of the evidence.
I didn't do nothing.
Miss La Cerva, I suggest
in the strongest possible terms...
that you start telling us
what you know.
There's this guy, his name's Matush.
He's a drug dealer.
He did it. I swear, not me.
What's Matush's last name?
I don't know.
He's foreign, the Mideast or something.
Pakistan.
Anyway, Christopher
don't let him deal in the club.
But once in a while he'd sell me
some X or whatever.
Adriana.
- Hey.
- Hey.
This is my friend, Kamal.
Listen, I need a favor.
We're trying to get an apartment...
but I gotta fax the guy
a copy of my passport.
- Can't go to Kinko's?
- The guy's waiting for it.
It will take two seconds. I swear.
It's in the office. But hurry.
Christopher sees you in there, he'll shit.
Thanks. That's for you.
This guy was
at the club, the dead guy.
But I never saw him before.
Matush said he sold him coke once,
but the guy said Matush ripped him off...
like it was all laxative.
Oh, boy.
- What's the number, again?
- Oh, it's...
Hey, you can't be back here, man.
Cool out! What are you doing?
- Give me my money.
- What?
- Give it to me!
- Don't get stupid in here. I'm serious.
Fuck off, I got no beef with you.
You still sell that beat shit, huh?
- Fucking baby powder?
- Look, I don't know what...
Get him!
I'll kill you
motherfuckers! I'll kill you!
Oh, my God!
We had to wait till later
to get out the mops and stuff.
After we closed up.
- What if Christopher...?
- Nobody has to know anything.
- But you don't fucking understand.
- It's cool, okay?
We'll take him out
through the basement.
Dump him in the ocean.
Why'd you help this Matush?
I wasn't helping him.
I was afraid for myself.
Besides, he's nice. I don't know.
- I didn't wanna see him get into trouble.
- Sounds like a real sweetheart.
The guy was gonna stab him.
He's not a bad person.
- He's very religious.
- Religious?
He prays, like, all the time.
He went through this period
where he rediscovered his religion.
He don't even do drugs anymore,
he just deals.
Every month, he sends
all his money home to his family.
In Pakistan?
His brother runs a prep school
someplace for young boys.
I was very impressed with that.
He's buckled down, he's
gotten much more serious as a person.
- Does Christopher know what happened?
- No. You crazy?
Right now you're guilty
of obstructing an ongoing investigation...
into a drug-related homicide.
You are looking down the barrel
at 25 years.
But I didn't do nothing.
Take your head out of your ass,
you knew what you were doing.
We can arrest you right now,
have you formally charged.
Send you over
to the Women's House of Detention.
Or in the alternative, you can cooperate.
But I've been fucking cooperating!
You've been giving us shit!
And I've had it!
I want you wired up!
I want Tony Soprano on tape.
- Your boyfriend, too.
- No, I'm not doing it.
Then you're all out of options!
I wanna talk to my lawyer.
Fine. Who's your lawyer?
I don't have an official one.
Maybe Christopher knows a good lawyer.
Oh, you fucking piece of shit.
I'll call the public defender.
They'll send someone down.
Might take a while, though.
This hour of the night.
Think I left some shoes over there.
I can iron these tomorrow.
- What for? Send them to the cleaners.
- I kind of miss it, actually.
My wrist is getting weak.
Oh, I can help you there.
Get out of here.
No, let's give it some exercise.
- Tony.
- What?
Stop.
Hi, it's Ade. Ma, if this is you, another
gift for the registry could be a decanter.
Yeah, it's me. Where are you?
Maybe doing it at our house.
We've only got the one leaf
for 16 people.
Could you do a buffet?
Maybe set a card table up for the kids?
It's our first holiday.
Ronnie wants us all together.
Ade? It's been 40 minutes.
How long you gonna stay in there?
How long you gonna let me go
without a lawyer?
I told you, they're backed up.
We left four messages.
Eight fucking hours
I've been here already.
Oh, Jesus Christ, look at me.
Want some coffee?
Can't, my stomach.
I wish you'd think about our offer,
it's not a bad deal.
I won't wear a wire, I told you.
It's bad enough
how I betrayed him already.
It's not too late to have a future, Ade.
There are other options.
Don't start
with the witness protection again.
You're young, you love each other.
You both have your health.
Yeah, right.
Living like this
is what's costing you your insides.
I really need a cigarette.
Okay. Come on.
There's no way she'll wear a wire...
but thinks she might
get Moltisanti to flip.
- Why now?
- Problems with Tony.
- Christopher hates him.
- Confirmed by wiretaps.
And CI 12 mentioned it too. Something
with Tony Blundetto, the cousin.
- What would Moltisanti want?
- I'm not sure.
- He's got interest in screenwriting.
- I'll put in a call to Sam Goldwyn.
- You promise her anything?
- No guarantees...
but depending on what he's offering,
maybe immunity and relocation for them.
She's got to understand
that if she won't wear a wire...
we can't offer her protection
or keep her surveilled.
I explained all that.
She's got till 9 a.m. Monday
to bring him in...
or we turn her over
to Long Branch P.D.
Ton, you got a call.
Jimmy Petrille, Brooklyn.
- Hello.
- It's me.
That tennis match with those guys?
- My guy won.
- Oh, yeah?
The other one, the son. He dropped out.
- What, he got hurt?
- Nothing like that.
Settled, that's all.
All right.
Little Carmine's out.
He's dead?
Seems like him and Johnny
worked out a deal.
I knew he'd cave.
He's a fucking pussy, that kid.
Johnny Sack. Boss of a family.
Time was it would have been great for
us to have John as the boss.
Smart as a fucking whip.
He used to be a pragmatist.
Some people are better
at being number twos.
You thought John had an ego before?
Forget it now.
Hey.
- Did you sleep?
- A little.
So where the fuck you been?
- Christopher, we need to talk.
- I asked you a question, Adriana.
I know.
- There's something I need to tell...
- It's fucking Bobby DeMarco?
No. Please, Christopher.
I gotta get through this.
About a year ago...
More, maybe, I don't know.
I was arrested.
For what? What are you talking about?
For drugs.
Where, at the club?
- Remember my friend Danielle?
- She set you up?
She was an FBI agent, Christopher.
She lied to me. They
wanted to arrest you too, Christopher.
I was just trying to protect you.
They said all they wanted was some
information and would leave us alone.
I didn't tell them nothing.
I swear to God.
Just license plates,
some other stupid shit.
They wanted me to wear a wire,
but I wouldn't do it.
But now there was a murder,
Christopher, and they know about it.
At the club.
Matush and some other guy.
I tried to cover it up.
But I had no choice.
They've been filming us
in the parking lot.
We're dead, you know that?
What did you do, huh?
How could you fucking do this to us?
I fucking loved you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! What are we gonna do?
Careful of the ear, my son.
What I do for friendship.
- Hello?
- T, it's me. You awake?
Look I know you're mad, okay?
Ton, I'm sorry.
When I heard about Angelo, I just...
Don't fucking say it.
Not on the phone.
I know. I won't.
- What should I do, Ton?
- I'll tell you what not to do:
Come back around here.
I know. I know, but...
My kids. My boys.
Don't worry, I'll look after them.
Yeah, well, that's why I'm calling,
you know, to ask if you'd...
Sure. Why not?
Anything else I can do for you?
I don't know what to say, coz.
I'm leaving you
with a pile of shit in your lap.
Hello?
The night you went away,
you know, 17 years ago.
I told you that I got jumped
by a couple of shines.
That's why I didn't show.
Well, it was all bullshit.
- Fought with my mother and passed out.
- What do you mean?
I don't know, it...
A panic attack. I went
down like a house of cards...
and I cracked my skull open.
Why are you telling me this?
Because I felt guilty all these years,
like it was my fault you went away.
Anyway, now we're even.
So the casino, all that shit
you did for me, is because of that?
You just take care of yourself,
all right?
You too.
Hello?
Gerard, it's me.
He just called.
Give me a sec. I'll dump the line.
- You got a pen?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
He's at Roy's. It's a business.
Kinderhook, New York.
That's upstate.
Yeah, I know where it is. Thanks.
- Hello?
- Uncle Pat.
So how's life at the old folks' home?
I don't like the people here.
Do you know what time it is?
Come on,
I thought you were a night owl.
Did I hear a rumor there was a problem
up there at the farm?
The goddamn developer.
Some environmental crap.
They can't start the demolition
without some special permit.
And the house
is sitting there empty, damn it.
Remember that time,
Lake George, how you loved it?
We could live someplace
like that, maybe.
You could start writing again.
I could do my memoirs, finally.
And we'd have a fireplace
like you like too.
We could never come back here,
Adriana.
I don't wanna come back.
- I just want you.
- You couldn't see your mother again.
You want some eggs?
I need to clear my head.
- You didn't even sleep.
- This is a lot to process, I gotta think.
- I'll be back in a little while.
- Stay, wait.
- I'm gonna get cigarettes. Be right back.
- Smoke mine.
- Don't smoke. You'll want a vodka.
- What?
Come on.
I love you, baby.
I love you.
NPR's Margot Adler reports.
Hello?
- He wants to do it.
- Great. When are you coming in?
A couple hours,
we're getting some things together.
That's not what we said, Ade.
Please. If I push him, he'll say no.
I know how he is.
I'm serious, Adriana.
You've got till 1:00.
- Hello?
- Yeah, it's me.
Look, everything's okay.
Jesus, I don't even know
how to say this.
It's Christopher.
He tried to commit suicide.
- Oh, my God, is he all right?
- He's fine.
He was up by Ramapo,
apparently he took some pills.
This trooper found him in a bathroom of
a diner and brought him to the hospital.
His mom's on the way up there now.
Did he say anything to you?
- I mean, did he appear suicidal?
- No.
Are you sure?
Because his mom said
he's very upset about something.
I'm on my way up there now. I'm gonna
send Sil by to pick you up, okay?
Jesus Christ.
You know he's been drinking, so he's
probably fighting that heroin urge again.
- Anyway, Sil's on his way.
- Okay.
All right.
I'll see you up there.
I'd stop to eat, but I don't wanna get
to the hospital after Tony.
I'm not hungry.
They'll keep him a few days, maybe.
Observation.
Do some tests.
Who knows?
He's a strong kid, Chrissy.
He's tough.
Very resilient.
Why are you crying?
He's gonna be fine.
Oh, no.
No. No.
- Come on.
- No! No! Please!
- Where you fucking going?
- Please!
- Come on!
- No! No!
- Fucking cunt.
- Please!
No. No! No!
No! No!
This is long-term parking only.
Due to increased security, cars being
reclaimed in less than 14 days...
must be left in lots L, M or N.
This is long-term parking only.
Due to increased security, cars being
reclaimed in less than 14 days...
must be left in lots L, M or N.
This is long-term parking only.
The king of New York.
- Congratulations.
- Thanks, Tony.
You deserve it.
I want you to know this is the last time
we'll meet like this.
It's undignified.
Okay.
So...
what's the word on your cousin?
I think I know where he's holed up.
- And?
- I know this has to be done, John.
But I'm asking you now, as a friend...
let me handle this myself.
I can't do that, Tony.
You can do whatever the fuck you want,
John, you're the fucking boss.
I choose not to, then.
I want your promise it'll be quick.
I'm not gonna lie to you,
Tony, I don't have to.
Phil's gonna do it.
And he'll do it his way.
John.
This is me, now.
Come on.
Anything else?
No.
You know what, John?
I'll give you undignified.
Go fuck yourself.
You and Phil and whoever.
He's my fucking cousin.
Hey.
You all right?
Some funny shit.
The fuck is wrong with you?
I snorted a little H.
I know...
but I can't stand the pain.
I loved her.
Fucking pain!
You think you're alone in this?
It was a judgment call.
She sounded okay.
What's the status on Moltisanti?
Last seen yesterday.
He was leaving the Bing with Tony.
- Should we bring him in?
- That'll get us nothing.
She really could have fled.
She could be in China.
How should we handle the other thing?
The Nieves murder?
We have the terror possibility.
Take it over from the Long Branch P.D.
Well, what did I say?
Is it beautiful?
Yeah, it's a gorgeous piece of land.
And with this view...
it's well worth 600,000.
The surveyor's coming on Tuesday.
- You all right?
- Yeah. Yeah, me? Yeah.
Absolutely.
Yeah, the Crazy Horse.
That's you, right?
- Yeah, you got something?
- Yeah, pole camera. Three days ago.
She locks up the club for the night.
She's throwing away the garbage.
Yeah?
But then she changes her mind.
- Funny.
- Interesting.
The good news is no polyps.
The bad news is, as you can see...
you've got a fairly severe case
of ulcerative colitis.
- Jesus Christ.
- She was getting better.
Then last week, another flare-up.
How you doing with the Prozac?
Is it helping?
- She can't even sleep.
- Ma.
- Well, look at her.
- I'd like to start you on prednisone.
- It's a steroid.
- Like for weight lifters?
I've had a great deal of success with it
treating this type of condition.
I do need to warn you, however,
there are certain side effects.
Mind you, these are temporary.
There's a good chance of weight gain,
accompanied by Cushing's syndrome.
That's a swelling of the facial features.
- Sort of a moon face.
- What?
- Jerry Lewis in the last year or two.
- Oh, my God.
She's planning a wedding,
for Christ's sake.
It was fine one day,
then suddenly I get audio and no picture.
- Somebody been fooling around with it?
- A.J. had his friends over.
Oh, how'd he do
over there with your dad?
- Out raking the driveway?
- Fine.
Except my mother kept hounding him,
asking if we were getting back together.
You know, I had a dream
that I moved back in here.
You know, just for the record...
I realize what I did was wrong.
My activities while I lived here.
Knowing you were wrong
isn't the half of it, Tony.
Oh, really?
What's the other half?
Well, suppose something did happen...
where theoretically
we did get back together.
Any marriage would need fidelity.
Like Popeye says. "I am what I am."
Well, I didn't marry a cartoon.
Well, it wouldn't be a cartoon.
You had your own indiscretions yourself.
- That thing with Furio?
- I did not sleep with him, Tony.
I'm just saying that, you know,
we're all human, that's all.
You know, the truth is,
I got myself where I am.
But your open indiscretion,
your total disregard...
Well, you're right, it was...
It was horrible.
To have a knot in your stomach
every time the phone rings.
Like you were saying, theoretically,
though, if we do reconcile...
that stuff will never happen again.
Come on, you gonna go or what?
I'm coming, I was finishing my drink.
Fuck!
You can't stay holed up here.
It's not healthy, Carmine.
How'd it get to this?
Retaliation, counterattacks.
We're at a fucking "stagmire."
We back down now, bunker down...
what kind of a message
does that send?
Not just to Johnny's people, either.
Billy Leotardo. What the hell was that?
This Blundetto asshole
went off the reservation.
All due respect, Carmine,
that's why you need to get out there.
Put your ear to the street.
Let the guys see you take the reins.
That's not how I wanna handle it.
Hey, don't get me wrong.
I always liked your cousin.
But whacking Phil's brother
was a major poke in the ass.
You know my cousin almost cried
when I put him in charge of the casino?
All I did for that blue-eyed prick.
And he completely fucks me over.
Now I practically gotta get down
on my knees to Johnny Sack.
Where the fuck you been? You're late.
Highway was jammed with broken
heroes on a last-chance power drive.
Oh, you're gonna get fucking cute now?
- Anything on Tony B?
- No, he's still on a milk carton.
There she is.
My smelly valentine.
Christopher, that's not funny.
The fuck are you doing?
I can handle a cocktail
once in a while, right?
You guys okay? You need anything else?
You still feeling sick, hon?
Please. They gotta replace her colon
with a semicolon.
Maybe you should be a vegan.
- Doctor says I gotta relax.
- From what?
She's got the world at her feet,
she walks around like impending doom.
Come on, we gotta go.
Take it easy, now.
Don't listen to him. People got
their health, they take it for granted.
- How's your thing, the...?
- Just gotta keep an eye on it, that's all.
So Carm and me,
getting back together, maybe.
That's great.
- The kids will be thrilled.
- Yeah.
When we get settled,
we'll have you guys over.
You know, family dinner.
Feel better, huh?
John.
First off...
let me just say how sorry I am
for your loss. We all are.
Take your fucking "sorrys"
and stick them in your ass.
I could say nothing. Be a heartless prick.
He tried to talk.
He couldn't even say his last words.
Anybody ever die in your arms,
you cocksucker?
A family member? Somebody you love?
No.
Well, give it time.
See if I can't make that happen for you.
All right, that's enough.
- Philly, why don't you go have a drink.
- Don't tell me what to do, Jimmy.
Jimmy's right.
Fuck them, John. Fuck all of them.
Was that fucking necessary?
He shouldn't even have been here.
He's got a right to be here.
He's got a right
to a lot of things right now.
My cousin acted alone.
I did not sanction this.
The lone-gunman theory.
You know how close
he and Angelo were in the can.
He flipped the fuck out.
He whacked Joey Peeps,
what flipped him out that time?
What do you want, John?
What do you want me to say?
I want your cousin on a fucking spit.
I don't know where he is.
- Nobody does.
- Fine.
Maybe one of your other relatives, then.
What, I gotta stand here
being threatened now?
- All right, Chrissy.
- All right, nobody's making threats.
Look, Tony's in hiding, John.
You either deliver that prick
to my door...
or I will rain a shit storm
down on you and your family...
like you have never fucking seen.
We're done here.
There are over 200,000
species of mollusks.
And right there
is a good example of a conch...
which is also known
as a knobbed whelk.
See, these raised spines on it
help keep it settled wherever it lands.
That's what I call my dick.
I heard that.
That's just nasty.
Oh, fuck! Check it.
- Oh, shit!
- Hurry up.
Don't touch it.
Apprentice Delaney, get back here!
Little Meadow in a bridal gown.
Madonna. Couple more years,
Grandma and Grandpa.
Bite your tongue.
So the other day,
what you said, I processed it.
Mm hm.
You know, your feelings.
It really hit home with me, finally.
You know, with you out of the house,
I had a chance to do a lot of thinking.
I mean, it's partly my fault...
but I need something else in my life.
You know, with Meadow
getting engaged, A.J. almost...
You want another kid.
No.
It turns out there is a lot
for sale over on Crestview.
A little over an acre.
I was thinking,
I could build a spec house...
and take my dad in as a partner.
I mean, my allowance
is what it is, but...
- How much is the lot?
- Six hundred thousand.
Anyway, he would oversee
the construction.
Well, I'll call Ginsberg...
and have him free up a down payment.
And then?
I'll move back in.
Supposing that happened...
what about the other issues
that were on the table?
I swear to you, on our children...
that my midlife-crisis problems...
will no longer intrude on you anymore.
Okay.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- What, are you having dinner?
Hey, you. Have you settled
on a caterer yet?
Can I talk to you?
What's up? You hear from Tony?
I talked to Kelvin or Calvin, whatever,
that redneck from North Carolina.
He got a call
from the Bureau of Alcohol and Tobacco.
Some bodega in Newark's been
selling cigarettes without tax stamps.
Stupid spics. They were supposed
to stamp them themselves.
The feds are all over it now.
I don't got enough on my fucking mind?
- Any idea how you're gonna handle that?
- Handle what?
Our cousin, you know.
Phil and John.
I don't know. I gotta think about it.
From now on, Paulie supervises
the entire cigarette run.
- Split everything down the middle.
- What?
- You fucking heard me.
- I got a fucking wedding to pay for.
Well, if I were you,
I'd cut out the open bar.
Fuck this piece of shit. I'm done.
You hear me?
Put my life on the line. My fucking life.
Baby, I hate seeing you like this.
Fuck family. Fuck loyalty.
You cost him a dime,
you're a fucking pariah.
I gave that fuck
pieces of my soul, Adriana.
You know what he said to me?
- He said I should have a fucking drink.
- When?
Up there, when we were up
at Uncle Pat's farm.
You don't need to listen to him.
Isn't that why you have a sponsor?
Him and Tony B., breaking my balls.
Teasing me, like when I was little.
I mean, what kind of fucked-up,
undermining shit is that...
to tell someone
who's got the disease?
You know I could take him out
in a second, that fat fuck.
His kids wouldn't even give a shit.
Don't talk like that.
You're a better man than he is.
A better person.
Fuck all this shit with Paulie and all.
You know what hurts me worse?
Right to my heart?
Him and our ass-wipe cousin,
that two-faced cocksucker.
He could get us all killed
with New York, and him...
Tony has to think about what to do
with him now, after all this shit.
Me, he don't need to fucking think.
Well, maybe I need to think!
Ever thought of that,
you fat fucking scumbag?
That's the guy, Adriana.
My Uncle Tony.
The guy I'm going to hell for.
- Long Branch cops.
- What do you think?
Not your average bulls. Detectives.
Call the Long Branch P.D.
Find out what's up.
So you all set?
- Don't look at me.
- Why? You look good.
And you're gonna look nice
with the short hair.
Like... What's-her-name.
That actress.
Just take me home.
I can drop you off,
but I really can't stay.
Why not?
All right, look, first off,
like I said before...
as far as all the medical bills
and the prescriptions, that's covered.
Ad nauseam.
You motherfucker.
- Hey, take it easy.
- This is how you leave me?
When I'm almost burned to death
cooking you a snack?
You could have just as easily
been making yourself something to eat.
- Am I that fucking horrible now?
- No. You're not horrible at all.
- I'm going back to my wife.
- You selfish fuck.
I hate you.
There's no future with us.
I told you that right from the get-go.
That's why I didn't want you
hitching your wagon to my star.
You'll heal up.
- You'll meet somebody else.
- Fuck you!
You know, I didn't come here to fight.
I came here to pick you up...
and end this like a gentleman.
I'm gonna fucking kill myself.
I gotta take this.
Hello?
Is that you?
I know you're there. Just say something.
Where the fuck are...?
Your call cannot be...
- Bing.
- Yeah, it's me.
Your friend at the phone company.
Have him call me.
- Who, Gerard?
- Wanna put traps on all my lines.
Adriana.
Oh, Jesus. What?
- We need to talk.
- I was buying medicine.
- This way, please.
- Let's go.
But my car...
Hello?
- Hey.
- Hey.
Give me a hand, will you?
I got more stuff in the car, so...
Where should I put it?
The bedroom.
Oh, you made it. Hey.
I was just starting dinner.
Yeah. Smells good.
- What's this?
- I got you something, you know, small.
Oh, this is beautiful. Tony.
With my black coat.
It's a Herm?s. Supposed to be the best.
There's the whipped butter too,
if you like.
Oh, no, this is all right.
This is fucking weird.
A.J.
No, he's right.
It is fucking weird.
You know what?
We should celebrate.
Oh!
Here, give me your glass.
Trick is you gotta hold the cork.
Don't let it fly out.
Gab's uncle got a detached retina
at his own retirement party.
He never saw out of that eye again.
That's festive.
I wanna make a toast.
To the people I love.
Nothing else matters.
Hear, hear.
Whoa, slow down, slow down.
Supposed to savor it.
It's important in life.
- Open the door for Mr. Muckle.
- What?
Open the door for Mr. Muckle,
the blind man.
- How about my kumquats?
- What'd you say?
- Kumquats!
- Wait!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
It's all right. All right.
All right.
So?
I was throwing the garbage out.
So what?
Isn't it illegal, anyway?
To film people without telling them?
And the reason you didn't just
leave the garbage in the dumpster?
There were bills and stuff,
and our account numbers were on it.
Friend of yours?
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- His name is Gilbert Nieves.
There were partial traces
of an infrared stamp on his hand
- from the Crazy Horse.
- I don't know him.
You told the Long Branch Police
he was at the club that night.
Let me ask you a question,
Miss La Cerva.
Do you think we have you here...
because we don't know
what's in that garbage bag?
He was stabbed in the club.
You tried to dispose of the evidence.
I didn't do nothing.
Miss La Cerva, I suggest
in the strongest possible terms...
that you start telling us
what you know.
There's this guy, his name's Matush.
He's a drug dealer.
He did it. I swear, not me.
What's Matush's last name?
I don't know.
He's foreign, the Mideast or something.
Pakistan.
Anyway, Christopher
don't let him deal in the club.
But once in a while he'd sell me
some X or whatever.
Adriana.
- Hey.
- Hey.
This is my friend, Kamal.
Listen, I need a favor.
We're trying to get an apartment...
but I gotta fax the guy
a copy of my passport.
- Can't go to Kinko's?
- The guy's waiting for it.
It will take two seconds. I swear.
It's in the office. But hurry.
Christopher sees you in there, he'll shit.
Thanks. That's for you.
This guy was
at the club, the dead guy.
But I never saw him before.
Matush said he sold him coke once,
but the guy said Matush ripped him off...
like it was all laxative.
Oh, boy.
- What's the number, again?
- Oh, it's...
Hey, you can't be back here, man.
Cool out! What are you doing?
- Give me my money.
- What?
- Give it to me!
- Don't get stupid in here. I'm serious.
Fuck off, I got no beef with you.
You still sell that beat shit, huh?
- Fucking baby powder?
- Look, I don't know what...
Get him!
I'll kill you
motherfuckers! I'll kill you!
Oh, my God!
We had to wait till later
to get out the mops and stuff.
After we closed up.
- What if Christopher...?
- Nobody has to know anything.
- But you don't fucking understand.
- It's cool, okay?
We'll take him out
through the basement.
Dump him in the ocean.
Why'd you help this Matush?
I wasn't helping him.
I was afraid for myself.
Besides, he's nice. I don't know.
- I didn't wanna see him get into trouble.
- Sounds like a real sweetheart.
The guy was gonna stab him.
He's not a bad person.
- He's very religious.
- Religious?
He prays, like, all the time.
He went through this period
where he rediscovered his religion.
He don't even do drugs anymore,
he just deals.
Every month, he sends
all his money home to his family.
In Pakistan?
His brother runs a prep school
someplace for young boys.
I was very impressed with that.
He's buckled down, he's
gotten much more serious as a person.
- Does Christopher know what happened?
- No. You crazy?
Right now you're guilty
of obstructing an ongoing investigation...
into a drug-related homicide.
You are looking down the barrel
at 25 years.
But I didn't do nothing.
Take your head out of your ass,
you knew what you were doing.
We can arrest you right now,
have you formally charged.
Send you over
to the Women's House of Detention.
Or in the alternative, you can cooperate.
But I've been fucking cooperating!
You've been giving us shit!
And I've had it!
I want you wired up!
I want Tony Soprano on tape.
- Your boyfriend, too.
- No, I'm not doing it.
Then you're all out of options!
I wanna talk to my lawyer.
Fine. Who's your lawyer?
I don't have an official one.
Maybe Christopher knows a good lawyer.
Oh, you fucking piece of shit.
I'll call the public defender.
They'll send someone down.
Might take a while, though.
This hour of the night.
Think I left some shoes over there.
I can iron these tomorrow.
- What for? Send them to the cleaners.
- I kind of miss it, actually.
My wrist is getting weak.
Oh, I can help you there.
Get out of here.
No, let's give it some exercise.
- Tony.
- What?
Stop.
Hi, it's Ade. Ma, if this is you, another
gift for the registry could be a decanter.
Yeah, it's me. Where are you?
Maybe doing it at our house.
We've only got the one leaf
for 16 people.
Could you do a buffet?
Maybe set a card table up for the kids?
It's our first holiday.
Ronnie wants us all together.
Ade? It's been 40 minutes.
How long you gonna stay in there?
How long you gonna let me go
without a lawyer?
I told you, they're backed up.
We left four messages.
Eight fucking hours
I've been here already.
Oh, Jesus Christ, look at me.
Want some coffee?
Can't, my stomach.
I wish you'd think about our offer,
it's not a bad deal.
I won't wear a wire, I told you.
It's bad enough
how I betrayed him already.
It's not too late to have a future, Ade.
There are other options.
Don't start
with the witness protection again.
You're young, you love each other.
You both have your health.
Yeah, right.
Living like this
is what's costing you your insides.
I really need a cigarette.
Okay. Come on.
There's no way she'll wear a wire...
but thinks she might
get Moltisanti to flip.
- Why now?
- Problems with Tony.
- Christopher hates him.
- Confirmed by wiretaps.
And CI 12 mentioned it too. Something
with Tony Blundetto, the cousin.
- What would Moltisanti want?
- I'm not sure.
- He's got interest in screenwriting.
- I'll put in a call to Sam Goldwyn.
- You promise her anything?
- No guarantees...
but depending on what he's offering,
maybe immunity and relocation for them.
She's got to understand
that if she won't wear a wire...
we can't offer her protection
or keep her surveilled.
I explained all that.
She's got till 9 a.m. Monday
to bring him in...
or we turn her over
to Long Branch P.D.
Ton, you got a call.
Jimmy Petrille, Brooklyn.
- Hello.
- It's me.
That tennis match with those guys?
- My guy won.
- Oh, yeah?
The other one, the son. He dropped out.
- What, he got hurt?
- Nothing like that.
Settled, that's all.
All right.
Little Carmine's out.
He's dead?
Seems like him and Johnny
worked out a deal.
I knew he'd cave.
He's a fucking pussy, that kid.
Johnny Sack. Boss of a family.
Time was it would have been great for
us to have John as the boss.
Smart as a fucking whip.
He used to be a pragmatist.
Some people are better
at being number twos.
You thought John had an ego before?
Forget it now.
Hey.
- Did you sleep?
- A little.
So where the fuck you been?
- Christopher, we need to talk.
- I asked you a question, Adriana.
I know.
- There's something I need to tell...
- It's fucking Bobby DeMarco?
No. Please, Christopher.
I gotta get through this.
About a year ago...
More, maybe, I don't know.
I was arrested.
For what? What are you talking about?
For drugs.
Where, at the club?
- Remember my friend Danielle?
- She set you up?
She was an FBI agent, Christopher.
She lied to me. They
wanted to arrest you too, Christopher.
I was just trying to protect you.
They said all they wanted was some
information and would leave us alone.
I didn't tell them nothing.
I swear to God.
Just license plates,
some other stupid shit.
They wanted me to wear a wire,
but I wouldn't do it.
But now there was a murder,
Christopher, and they know about it.
At the club.
Matush and some other guy.
I tried to cover it up.
But I had no choice.
They've been filming us
in the parking lot.
We're dead, you know that?
What did you do, huh?
How could you fucking do this to us?
I fucking loved you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! What are we gonna do?
Careful of the ear, my son.
What I do for friendship.
- Hello?
- T, it's me. You awake?
Look I know you're mad, okay?
Ton, I'm sorry.
When I heard about Angelo, I just...
Don't fucking say it.
Not on the phone.
I know. I won't.
- What should I do, Ton?
- I'll tell you what not to do:
Come back around here.
I know. I know, but...
My kids. My boys.
Don't worry, I'll look after them.
Yeah, well, that's why I'm calling,
you know, to ask if you'd...
Sure. Why not?
Anything else I can do for you?
I don't know what to say, coz.
I'm leaving you
with a pile of shit in your lap.
Hello?
The night you went away,
you know, 17 years ago.
I told you that I got jumped
by a couple of shines.
That's why I didn't show.
Well, it was all bullshit.
- Fought with my mother and passed out.
- What do you mean?
I don't know, it...
A panic attack. I went
down like a house of cards...
and I cracked my skull open.
Why are you telling me this?
Because I felt guilty all these years,
like it was my fault you went away.
Anyway, now we're even.
So the casino, all that shit
you did for me, is because of that?
You just take care of yourself,
all right?
You too.
Hello?
Gerard, it's me.
He just called.
Give me a sec. I'll dump the line.
- You got a pen?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
He's at Roy's. It's a business.
Kinderhook, New York.
That's upstate.
Yeah, I know where it is. Thanks.
- Hello?
- Uncle Pat.
So how's life at the old folks' home?
I don't like the people here.
Do you know what time it is?
Come on,
I thought you were a night owl.
Did I hear a rumor there was a problem
up there at the farm?
The goddamn developer.
Some environmental crap.
They can't start the demolition
without some special permit.
And the house
is sitting there empty, damn it.
Remember that time,
Lake George, how you loved it?
We could live someplace
like that, maybe.
You could start writing again.
I could do my memoirs, finally.
And we'd have a fireplace
like you like too.
We could never come back here,
Adriana.
I don't wanna come back.
- I just want you.
- You couldn't see your mother again.
You want some eggs?
I need to clear my head.
- You didn't even sleep.
- This is a lot to process, I gotta think.
- I'll be back in a little while.
- Stay, wait.
- I'm gonna get cigarettes. Be right back.
- Smoke mine.
- Don't smoke. You'll want a vodka.
- What?
Come on.
I love you, baby.
I love you.
NPR's Margot Adler reports.
Hello?
- He wants to do it.
- Great. When are you coming in?
A couple hours,
we're getting some things together.
That's not what we said, Ade.
Please. If I push him, he'll say no.
I know how he is.
I'm serious, Adriana.
You've got till 1:00.
- Hello?
- Yeah, it's me.
Look, everything's okay.
Jesus, I don't even know
how to say this.
It's Christopher.
He tried to commit suicide.
- Oh, my God, is he all right?
- He's fine.
He was up by Ramapo,
apparently he took some pills.
This trooper found him in a bathroom of
a diner and brought him to the hospital.
His mom's on the way up there now.
Did he say anything to you?
- I mean, did he appear suicidal?
- No.
Are you sure?
Because his mom said
he's very upset about something.
I'm on my way up there now. I'm gonna
send Sil by to pick you up, okay?
Jesus Christ.
You know he's been drinking, so he's
probably fighting that heroin urge again.
- Anyway, Sil's on his way.
- Okay.
All right.
I'll see you up there.
I'd stop to eat, but I don't wanna get
to the hospital after Tony.
I'm not hungry.
They'll keep him a few days, maybe.
Observation.
Do some tests.
Who knows?
He's a strong kid, Chrissy.
He's tough.
Very resilient.
Why are you crying?
He's gonna be fine.
Oh, no.
No. No.
- Come on.
- No! No! Please!
- Where you fucking going?
- Please!
- Come on!
- No! No!
- Fucking cunt.
- Please!
No. No! No!
No! No!
This is long-term parking only.
Due to increased security, cars being
reclaimed in less than 14 days...
must be left in lots L, M or N.
This is long-term parking only.
Due to increased security, cars being
reclaimed in less than 14 days...
must be left in lots L, M or N.
This is long-term parking only.
The king of New York.
- Congratulations.
- Thanks, Tony.
You deserve it.
I want you to know this is the last time
we'll meet like this.
It's undignified.
Okay.
So...
what's the word on your cousin?
I think I know where he's holed up.
- And?
- I know this has to be done, John.
But I'm asking you now, as a friend...
let me handle this myself.
I can't do that, Tony.
You can do whatever the fuck you want,
John, you're the fucking boss.
I choose not to, then.
I want your promise it'll be quick.
I'm not gonna lie to you,
Tony, I don't have to.
Phil's gonna do it.
And he'll do it his way.
John.
This is me, now.
Come on.
Anything else?
No.
You know what, John?
I'll give you undignified.
Go fuck yourself.
You and Phil and whoever.
He's my fucking cousin.
Hey.
You all right?
Some funny shit.
The fuck is wrong with you?
I snorted a little H.
I know...
but I can't stand the pain.
I loved her.
Fucking pain!
You think you're alone in this?
It was a judgment call.
She sounded okay.
What's the status on Moltisanti?
Last seen yesterday.
He was leaving the Bing with Tony.
- Should we bring him in?
- That'll get us nothing.
She really could have fled.
She could be in China.
How should we handle the other thing?
The Nieves murder?
We have the terror possibility.
Take it over from the Long Branch P.D.
Well, what did I say?
Is it beautiful?
Yeah, it's a gorgeous piece of land.
And with this view...
it's well worth 600,000.
The surveyor's coming on Tuesday.
- You all right?
- Yeah. Yeah, me? Yeah.
Absolutely.