The Sopranos (1999–2007): Season 2, Episode 12 - The Knight in White Satin Armor - full transcript

(SOPRANOS THEME SONG)

(BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC)

Had some great naps on this.

- You okay?
- Sure.

Shades of Starving Students,
Santa Monica, Summer of '78.

- You were a mover?
- Yeah.

- How many jobs you had?
- Enough to know I don't want another.

- These floors have wonderful glide.
- You're looking great, Rick.

Beautiful, Juliet, beautiful!

Richie's son is still flying
down to Rio?

- Dad must be proud as punch.
- He is.

Those two made top 10 in the
Embassy Ball Championships last year.

Ton! Hey, man.

Jackie! How's your rash?

How you doing?

You want a beer, T?

No, no. That's all right.
Go join your wastrel friends.

What's the matter?

Jackie Aprile loved knowledge.

When he was dying of cancer, he prayed
his son would go to medical school.

If he knew he dropped out of college,
break his heart.

It didn't hurt The Beatles,
Bill Gates.

His Uncle Richie's looking out for him.

- Easier than dealing with his own son.
- Tony, don't do that.

He's taking AJ
to the dirt bike championships.

- AJ can't go. He got a C in Algebra.
- Does Carmela know about this?

You really want to know?

- I don't want him around my kids.
- Richie?

- You heard me.
- What the fuck are you talking about?

- Ask Gia Gaeta.
- Richie told me all about that.

The transmission slipped out of gear.

He's lucky he wasn't crushed too.

For your information, Beansie Gaeta
owed major dollars for 10 years.

- And Richie didn't ask for interest.
- Why not?

If we're so awful, why throw
us an engagement party?

Because you're my sister.
And I try to do what's right.

Anyway, it's my wife's thing.

Include planking
that Russian girl of yours?

You know what? Be in denial.

Be a codependent to a shitbag.
What the fuck do I care?

You just can't stand to see me happy,
can you? You motherfucker.

Shove that settee up your ass.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

I love my new pony boots, Tony.

Yeah, nice.

Why don't you wear them
during your interviews?

Feel, Tony, how soft.

You call Sy Littman yet?

No, I'm doing it.

There's good money in modeling.

You don't want to spend the rest
of your life at a department store.

- What do you care what I do?
- Don't start with the moody shit.

- What is that?
- Chicken Soup for the Soul.

Read "Tomato Sauce for Your Ass,"
the Italian version.

Somebody give me this I met at work.

He drives for Runway Limos,

he broughts Karl Lagerfeld
to the store

for the trunk shows.

Why? You jealous?

You fucking him?

- I can't have a conversation with you.
- It's a fucking question.

Maybe you ought to think about it.

Finding somebody who can
give you everything you want.

I told you, he drives a limo.

I'm not talking about those things.

I'm talking about a family,
marriage, children.

I don't want to find someone.
I have you.

To take you out to dinner
and screw your brains out?

What's wrong with you?

Tony, no. Don't go.

You don't know
what the fuck you want!

Don't yell at me, please.
This is a bad time.

My new boss is so mean to me.

It's always a bad time.
With the cousins...

Tony! No, please, no!

Alright.

You know it hasn't been good
for a long time. For either of us.

I'll die without you.

No, you won't.
You'll forget about me in two weeks.

No, if you go, I'll kill myself.

Don't you fucking threaten me, Rina.

This is over.
I can't do this anymore.

I'm not gonna do it anymore.

You talk to that guy
about the modeling.

I'll take care of you
till you get on your feet.

But I'm not doing this anymore.
Understand?

I hate you!

So that's it. Albert splits Nutley
with the D'Alessios...

...and Barone keeps
everything north of Paterson.

What else we gotta talk about?

- Fairfield taking bids next week.
- What's there to talk about?

- Fairfield's mine.
- Was yours.

I don't give bids to the handicapped.

Obviously, you're deaf.
I told you 10 times.

I find out you still deal blow
on those routes.

For that I'm losing a fucking bid?

Next time you'll be
in back of one of your trucks.

- Those were my father's routes!
- Kid.

Actually, fellas, my cousin Larry
wants the Fairfield contract.

Being the hardship on his family
while he's awaiting trial.

See? This is why we have
a fixed-bid club.

Everyone wants to be at
the head of the line.

I been in line for 10 years.

He's asking for what my father
would've given if he was boss.

It's not because they're brothers. You
respected my father, respect Richie.

Those who want respect, give respect.

See, he just told you
to shut the fuck up...

...and he told me to go fuck myself.

This bill, Mel. Jesus.

I wish this trial would happen.
I'm hemorrhaging spondulicks here.

The Minimization Process
could be very good for us, Corrado.

We hire experts to study
the wiretap tapes.

Former bureau guys, very thorough.

If they find abuses, we take
those findings to the judge...

...and possibly have all
the wiretap evidence thrown out.

I know the feds stay on the phone
longer than the 20 seconds...

...they're allowed to see if the call
is relevant. I hear a click.

I could be talking about root beer...

...and sometimes they stay on 40, 50
seconds before they hang up. Pricks.

- But it'll cost, the study.
- How much?

Two hundred plus hours of tapes.

I want to bring on specialized counsel
to handle the wiretap litigation.

- Ballpark figure?
- Yeah, Wrigley-fucking-Field.

Four hundred thousand.

Did my nephew say
where I'm allowed to move the coke?

He don't give a shit about nobody.

This country's going through boom
times with more garbage than ever.

- He won't let me eat.
- You want to cry money problems?

I'm facing 20 years.
I could die in the fucking place!

- You're gonna beat it, skip.
- You don't know that!

- That coke is my lifeline right now.
- Break it down, Jun.

What choice does he give?

We need allies to do
what you're thinking about.

Albert Barese didn't like
what he was hearing.

And by extension, Larry Barese.
Biggest fucking crew in the family.

That doesn't surprise me.

Larry's thought about why he's
under indictment and others ain't.

- What do you want me to do?
- Go talk to Ally Boy. Feel him out.

But he's a slippery fuck.
Don't commit.

I'll see you.

He's got tremendous moxie
for his size.

Tell me about it. He's a fighter.

- What's this?
- Open it.

No, I can see it's J.W. Gold.
But we can't accept gifts, Sal.

I'll pass it to the guys.

See? That right there.

You've a policy you stick to.
You don't get distracted.

Look what happened to those Egyptians.
Those World Trade Center fucks.

Serial numbers on an axle
and everyone behind bars.

What the fuck is all this?

I owe you, skip. The rest of my life.
I'll never forget.

You looked the other way
on that Bevilaqua beef.

The bureau would never turn
its head on a murder charge.

What else could you say?

- What do you know about Scottsdale?
- Arizona?

I'll live there when
this assignment is over.

- Assignment?
- When I'm in Witness Protection.

There's more than 300 days of sun,
golf, Giant's spring training.

I'm talking about
after two years in Lewisburg.

I think I'll take courses
while I'm in the can.

Psychology, criminology.

Give lectures
at police departments on OC.

That's an idea.

An airline ticket
from the Scatino bust-out.

Tony made a guy order blocks of these
through his sporting goods store.

I'll put it on file.

You could use it as cause
for a warrant.

Evidence of extortion, intent to
defraud. Those are RICO predicates.

First, you have to tie
the ticket to Tony.

And he's too smart to use
any of them himself.

He probably moved them by now.

However, this engagement party
for the sister?

I'll wire you up.
I know you're sensitive...

- What the fuck was I, his errand boy?
- The Saturn, yeah.

Looking for his kid's teacher's car.

What is that? Any faith I had
went out the window that day.

(POP SONG PLAYING)

- It's gorgeous.
- I know.

Are you out of your mind
with the arrangements?

No, my planner
did Cerone's wedding.

All I do is I hand out money.
I have his card for you.

Your father disappeared,
and I ain't paying for that.

Oh, Carmela.

Carmela, I love the new wallpaper.

Should I do my den?

Do you have that guy's number?

You got any of those airline tickets
from the Scatino bust-out?

- Fucking creep.
- Who, Rich?

What happened to that man in the can?
Meadow? Go help your mother.

You're in a bit of denial.
Richie was a disturbed kid.

So, Janice. I really don't have
a shot anymore?

- Having a good time?
- What do you want me to say?

I'm sorry. I'm glad for you.

You should've seen Ma.
She really wanted to be here.

Can we go back to where
I was glad for you?

You know, you don't give her
a chance, Tony.

She's a completely different
person since Prozac.

Since what?

Janice.

You're not gonna believe this shit.
They got the old lady on Prozac.

"She's changed," my ass.

She's just too senile
to remember who she hates.

- What's wrong with you today?
- What do you care?

(CLANKING GLASS)

Go, Richie!

C'mon, speech.

Everybody...

I want to thank my future
in-laws for making a great party.

And I want to thank
you all for coming...

...and celebrating with us
this historical union...

...of the Apriles and the Sopranos.

They say it's never too late...

...and they say all good comes
to those who wait.

Right on both counts.

- You got anything to add, Ricky?
- Glad for you, Dad.

Aw.

- Stepmom.
- Thanks, Rick.

Umm...

Well, I just wanted to share
my happiness with everybody here.

And I have been looking
for my soul mate for all of my life.

Madonna, have I looked, right?

I don't know what made me think I'd
find anybody in an ashram in Pradesh.

But I...

I found him right here.

At home.

And I just wanted to say
that you knock my socks off.

(APPLAUSE)

God bless,
Salut.

(CHEERING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Yeah?

It was
delicious agony.

Are you also pretending
when I kiss you?

I gotta go out.

(female)
Oh, you're wonderful.

I'm ashamed of myself.

Yes, you ought to be, definitely.

I'm in the shower.
I almost didn't hear the phone.

She's drunk, she's crying.
She took 20 sleeping pills!

What the fuck did she think?

- It's not her fault.
- Please.

She has hard life.

You got one leg.
You're not like that.

Her parents were alcoholics...

...in Petrozavodsk.
Horrible, industrial city.

The father died, 55 years old.

Lung cancer, cirrhosis of the liver.
Good thing.

Anyway, he was not working.
The factory was closed down.

She had to go to Kazakhstan to live
with uncle. Rude, miserable man.

Jesus Christ, Rina.

I don't care no more what happen.

- You got your whole life ahead of you.
- So sorry, Tony.

The ambulance, emergency room.

How she gonna pay?

They don't give her insurance
in that department store.

I'll take care of it.

What kind of life is there
for me without you, Tony?

To go back to Bada Bing.

To be a dancer,
be a prostitute after that?

I don't want to. I don't want to!

All right. All right.
Shh, Shh, Shh.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Okay?

It's gonna be all right.

Perfect.

Oh, God, look at that cleavage.

Thank you, Jesus.

I'm only doing this for the presents.

I'm doing it for Richie.

He says he'd rather go to Vegas, but
you gotta do the ritual thing, right?

This is such a happy time.

All the flowers, all the excitement.

I remember how I felt.

Then there's the honeymoon
and the hope chest.

You're working overtime here.

Remember how radiant I looked?

- You're depressed, aren't you?
- Depressed? I leave that to others.

I'm just realistic.

Because in a year, tops,
you're gonna have to accept a goomar.

Oh, yeah?

Is there a goomar that lets him
hold a gun to her head when they fuck?

You let him hold a gun
to your head during sex?

If that gets him off. It's the same
as garter belts and uniforms.

Well, it's a gun, Janice.
I thought you were a feminist?

- Usually, he takes the clip out.
- Well, Jesus, I hope so.

It's a ritual. It's fetishistic.
That's all.

My 302 from last week.

Sure. Come on in.

- Happy birthday, chief.
- Thanks.

From Tony Soprano.

Never misses an occasion.

Christmas, Columbus Day.

Have something to eat before I send it
to St. Ambroseus Shelter.

My CW gave me a bottle
of Johnnie Walker.

- CW-16?
- Bompensiero, yeah.

Fucking guy thinks I'm his friend now.

We're not supposed to accept gifts,
and poor people will get this...

...but I can't resist the lard bread.
He's turned some corner.

One minute he talks about how he loves
Soprano, then he's a junior G-man.

Talking about RICO predicates
and probable cause.

Now we're the good guys.

It's the worst case of Stockholm
Syndrome since Patty Hearst.

That was sad.

I'll tell you, though...

...I'm worried about Sal, with these
fantasies of law enforcement.

This can work two ways, skip. You
can find yourself getting too close.

So you're getting married.
Settling down, eh?

One door opens, another door closes.

It's a fucking expensive
proposition, though.

I didn't need that shit the other day.

You don't need that shit.

You talk to the king of dermabrasion
about it?

I'm talking to him and he's looking
at his reflection in the Plexiglas.

Imagine getting a face-lift,
and one week later you're in jail.

Can you imagine that?
One week later you're in jail.

Anyway, I had the feeling you
didn't like what you were hearing.

Larry expected to get fucked.

- Now that's a sad commentary.
- Richie.

What'll Larry do? The guy's
a guest of the government.

- While some are stuffing themselves.
- Some people are stuffing themselves.

Larry's got a trial coming up.

He's in no position to go
into the unknown not knowing.

How about you, Albert?
You can weigh in anytime.

I'm with him.

- All things being equal?
- No.

Make a move against Tony Soprano?
No way.

I don't know what to tell you.

(BANGING NOISE)

Vic?

Carmela, hi.

Imagine running into you here.
How are you?

Good. I'm fine. And how are you?

- Good.
- Yeah.

Just shopping for a roller.

Look, Vic, truthfully, I'm not just
running into you here.

The name of the store's on your
supplies. I wanted to talk.

- I'm sorry. I should've called.
- You have nothing to be sorry for.

I should've told you I wasn't coming.

I got the message
when you didn't show up.

That's why I wanted to talk to you.
I wanted to thank you.

For what?

Maybe someday I will be free.

But if you had come that day,
I might have done something...

...that I would be sorry for forever.

I wanted to thank you
for thinking for the both of us.

For being strong for us both.

Thank you.

Well, you're welcome.

Goodbye, Vic.
And take care of yourself.

Oh, thank Christ! Jesus!

Do you know who she's married to?

I need the number of a good shrink.

Oh?

For a girl I was seeing.

What?

Was?

Yeah, she tried to kill herself.

This was no small cuttings.

This was 20 Halcion
and a quart of vodka.

The ambulance, they pumped her
stomach. Cost 3 grand.

She should've been seen
by the psychiatrist in the hospital.

He was a Romanian. They have some
beef that goes back centuries.

She wouldn't talk to him.

Do you feel responsible
for her suicide attempt?

I was banging her for two years.

- Was that a hardship on her?
- That's cute.

I've had many women.
Why can't I say "Fuck it" with her?

Why do you think?

Well, she's a sweet kid
underneath it all.

I think she's seriously depressed.

You feel for her.

I'm interested in why
you're ending it.

What do you mean, why?

Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?
Don't you tell me that all the time?

I've never passed judgment on your
sex life or any patient's sex life.

Even if I'm 20 years older
than her and I'm married.

What's wrong with you?

- Why now?
- Why now?

It's not fun anymore. Will you
recommend somebody or not?

He's eating lunch.

So?

Larry's out.

Oh, shit. Fuck!

I knew it, I fucking knew it!

Here, Bobby, take this. I can't eat.

Larry and Albert are not the problem.

It's Tony that's the fucking problem.

You take him out of the picture,
everybody's gonna come along.

- Where else are they gonna go?
- I'm sick.

And fucking Larry Barese too.

I got friends in federal holding
that would like nothing better...

...than to take that weak fuck out.

He was a great friend to my father.

But he doesn't care who he
follows now. I'd do him myself.

Who's that speaking?
Is somebody speaking?

Listen, Richie.

Let me think about this. But we can't
be too fucked up by this setback.

We gotta screw our courage
to the post.

- You're a good boy, Richie.
- It's gonna be good.

Go on home. We'll talk.

Fucking guy's fearless for his size.

That's nice.

Then what? He fucking dies
and I can't even wear his shoes.

- What the fuck you talking about?
- Fucking loser. He couldn't sell it.

Richie?

Pay attention. You may learn.

Who am I best off with?
We best off with?

Old man Profaci knew how
to split his enemies.

He couldn't fucking sell it.

He's not respected.

But Tony with his impulsiveness
and selfishness.

He's locked up in that fucking
head of his.

I'm better off with Tony.

Definitely.

I want to see Anthony
at the doctor's office tomorrow.

- What are you looking at?
- I'm in awe of you.

The Dow Jones Industrial average
gave back an earlier gain.

It rallied more than
100 points midday.

But in the end it fell
two and a half to close at 10,675...

- Hard at work?
- It's financial news.

What the fuck you doing here?

I got a line on a car for Adriana.

You want anything?
They got sodas, coffee.

I got a bottle.

- No, I'm good. How's it going?
- This racket?

We dumped Webistics, whacked up
the payoff. Fucking license to steal.

- Anything you can get me into?
- A pharmaceutical.

They got a root from the Amazon,
cures glaucoma.

It's all fucking bullshit,
but I got a brochure.

Oh, tonight, Puss,
I got something hard-edge.

- What?
- Pok?mon cards.

Me and Tommy Mac are
taking down a truckload.

- Where?
- Tommy knows. You in?

- What, me?
- Yeah, come on, old times.

You don't want a fat fuck
like me around.

I can't find the brochure.
What difference does it make?

You come in for 5, 10 grand
on this drug company.

By the time we dump the piece of shit,
you'll be in six-figure territory.

- Hey, Puss!
- Yeah?

- The fucking car?
- What car?

Oh, yeah, right. For Adriana.

It's an M3 convertible. Clean.
I'll keep you posted.

(PHONE RINGING)

You're kidding. Shoot.

Lipari.

- This is fat man.
- Who?

- You know.
- Sal?

I heard they're gonna jack
a load of these Pok?mon cards.

Moltisanti and another individual.

- Where?
- I don't know yet.

I should ascertain?

Excuse me, dear.

You are a cooperating witness.
You wear a wire, that's what you do.

You ask around,
see what you can find out.

I, in no way, want you
to go on any hijack.

You hear me?

We let you earn,
but no violent crimes. Right?

Okay.

Get out of here! I hate you,
you fucking bastard!

(In Russian)
I told him this was not a good time.

Fucking mood swings.

(In Russian)
Ssh. Ssh. Is all right.

- Was very bad day for her?
- When isn't?

I went to the modeling agency. I
waited four hours to see Mr. Littman.

- So?
- Wasn't good.

So she didn't get a job. Big deal.

It was catalogs there.

To be a model for catalogs for
salad spinners.

You start somewhere.

I went in to see him,
and he told me I am too old.

Oh, Jesus.

- I'm sorry.
- I go make the tea.

I told you. I told you
it's all over for me.

No, it's not.
You're gonna be fine.

Look at Svetlana,

her prosthetic leg fall off in
the Gap store

and her Bill picks her up
and carries her.

Where is my knight in
white satin armor?

Listen, I got the number...

...of a guy I want you to talk to.

I don't want to go
to no more fucking interviews.

It's not an interview. It's a shrink.

- A shrink?
- Yeah, a psychiatrist.

I know what is!

He comes highly recommended.
You'll feel better.

- I am not going to no shrink!
- Yeah, you are.

- It's what I want you to do.
- You're not the boss.

You know what? Go fuck yourself then.

I went to a lot of trouble
to get that number.

So you can send me
to a hospital?

Psychiatrist is very scary thing for
Russian. Means being sent to Gulag.

- Political rehabilitation.
- This is too fucked up for me.

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

- What?
- Kiss off, then.

Janice! How do you open this Advil?

Oh, never mind.

Dad, I'm gonna get started
on your gutters tomorrow.

That's great.

Take a look at this.
I picked it up yesterday.

It's very Bauhaus. And it's not bad.
The basics cost 20 thousand.

Janice, maybe you should slow down
on the spending for now.

Something wrong? What happened?

I'll take care of it.
Things could be fucked up.

If something's happening
to you, then it's happening to me.

A decision went against me which
impacts me a great deal, financially.

Fuck! You see, fuck, I knew it!

This shit's been building
since I got out.

You give him a jacket you treasure.
He gives it to his maid.

We're still going ahead
with the house?

We'll see.

Richie, they're tiling the pool
on Friday.

And the atrium window,
I'm gonna lose a deposit!

I said, I'll take care of it.

He can't handle that our house will
be nicer than his fucking house!

Fuck.

What's the matter with you?

Nothing.

- What?
- Nothing. I just...

It's just sad is all.

- What?
- AJ didn't have the flu.

He didn't go because Tony
wouldn't let him.

He doesn't want you around his kids.

What happened? What was that?

Searchlight Diner, 5:15 a.m.

Subject has still not left location.
Sun coming up.

5:16 a.m. Subjects departing
Searchlight Diner.

(HONKING)

(PHONE RINGING)

- Soprano residence.
- Is Tony there?

- May I ask who's calling?
- Just put him on.

- Who's calling please?
- What are you, that Polish maid?

I want to talk to Tony.

(In Russian)
Who is this? The Russian whore?

You're not the first one you know.

Put him on the fucking phone,

you bearded Polack hag.

It's for you.

- Hello.
- Tony.

I miss you.

- I love you.
- You got the wrong fucking number.

Don't call here again.

I'll wait out there.

Was that your Russian girlfriend?

Listen, it's over between us.
It has been for a very long time.

Bullshit! Why does your clothes
still stink of perfume?

Okay, I saw her.

But it's not what you think.
She tried to commit suicide.

Oh, fuck you!

She tried to kill herself. She didn't
want to go on without me, poor kid.

You're putting me in a position
where I feel sorry for a whore?!

You know what's even stranger?
For a second, I believed you.

Goddamn him!

- They're all the same, Carm.
- No, you know they're not.

That man who did my wallpaper.

There was a male person
that you could respect.

Victor? He didn't show up that day
because of who your husband is.

Face it, use your head.
He pissed his pants.

I don't want to go to the gym.

Better be good. I'm in the middle
of World War III over there.

When you're lying in your own blood,
don't say your uncle didn't warn you.

- What are you talking about?
- Richie Aprile's moving against you.

- He doesn't have the balls.
- He's got a legitimate beef with you.

You're high-handed with everybody.

Why don't you leave your opinions
wherever the fuck?

He approached Albert Barese.
And Albert said no.

- Albert told you this?
- No.

I got it from Richie himself
at my house.

He'll take you out and Larry Barese
and anybody who doesn't go along.

Wait. Why the fuck is
Richie telling you all this?

He thinks I'm with him.

Really?

- What gave him that idea?
- It's what I wanted him to believe.

I been playing him.
I seen this coming all along.

That's why I made a big deal
out of that coke.

I raised a nonissue
and he fell for it.

So you're like a double agent now?
Fucking Matt Helm?

Fuck you.

How do I know you're not playing me?

Believe what you want,
my little nephew.

If I didn't come to you,
your children would have no father.

So go fuck yourself.

All right, stop.

I'm grateful to you.

I am.

I gave you five percent on the action
that was left to you.

Kick it up to seven and a half.

Don't sell drugs on those routes.
It's short-sighted.

- That asshole's marrying my sister.
- You wonder where she is in this.

My little niece.

What's up, T?

My future brother-in-law's
a serious problem.

How serious?

He's dissatisfied with the leadership.
He wants to have me popped.

That motherfucker.

So now I gotta decide
what to do about him.

I genuinely don't think
there's anything to gain...

...by keeping him around.

Get it done.

The planner checked the almanac...

...and says there's 65% historical
chance of rain on the twelfth.

He wants to get a tent for backup.
What do you think?

I can't decide on shit like that,
Janice, come on.

Okay. But when you start bitching
when you see the bill, don't.

My kid hit me up for 5 grand today
to go to England...

...for these dance contests.

Little Ricky's coming to the wedding?

Rick. Rick. Richard.

How many times I gotta tell you?

It was Little Ricky
when he was 12 years old.

Jesus, all right!

But he's still coming?

He wouldn't miss an opportunity to fox
trot and tango in front of everybody.

- Ballroom dancing is a legitimate art.
- He carries my name.

Richard. Fucking disgraziato.

My nephew Jackie.
Why couldn't I have a son like that?

You know, you came home
with a fucking attitude today.

I've been in this house,
cooking your fucking dinner...

...and taking care of that
black hole upstairs all day!

Keep your voice down.
She hears everything.

Not tonight.
I gave her two Nembutals.

I thought maybe we'd want to have sex.
But not likely.

Put my dinner on the table,
and keep your mouth shut.

No, you shut up.

Since he's a ballroom dancer,
you think he's gay.

What if he was?
What difference does it make?

Ow.

Fuck.

What are you looking at?

You gonna cry now?

Get out of here.
I'm in no mood for your...

Shit.

- Where is everybody?
- AJ is upstairs, Meadow's out.

(PHONE RINGING)

You better get it.
Maybe she slit the other wrist.

- Hello?
- Tony?

I need you. I need you
to come over now. Okay?

What's the matter? Is it Ma?

No. No.

- Tell me what happened.
- No, I can't say...

- What do you mean, you can't say?
- No, I can't say now.

Think. Think a minute, okay?

Stay there. I'll be right over.

- It's Janice.
- Right.

I gotta go.

(SOBBING)

(DOOR OPENING)

- Janice.
- Ton?

Ton, he hit me.

It was an accident.

Baby.

Where's Ma?

She's upstairs. Out.

She took two Nembutals.

Ma?

I didn't mean it, Tony.
I didn't mean it.

Where's the gun?

In the cabinet.

If anybody calls this in,
you don't gotta talk to anybody.

- What are you doing?
- Take a shower.

Give me the clothes you got on.

- What the fuck, Sal?
- They got away.

What did I tell you? Huh?
What did I tell you?

I didn't go with them. I was
following them to the boost.

- Then I was gonna call you.
- What if they would've spotted you?

The Moltisanti kid and his friend.
What was your plan for that?

That was the beauty part.
I switched cars with my son.

You hit a fucking 7-11 clerk.

- How is he?
- In a coma.

Fuck.

They were gonna pinch you for leaving
the scene, but I got you out of it.

I owe you, again.

Sal, listen to me.

No, look at me. Look up.

You are not an FBI employee, Sal.

- Okay? That's not gonna happen.
- But I got a lot to offer.

I hate LCN. I know I misspent
most of my life, I know that.

I know fucking well we live
in a society of laws...

Sal, you are gonna help us build
a case against Tony Soprano.

Then you're gonna do
your time for selling heroin.

Then you get out
and start a new life.

It's a good thing.
It's a lucky thing.

Sal...

...don't be that way.

I can show you statistics.

(KNOCKING)

Whoa.

I know, but we don't got time
for that.

Get him out of here. Get rid of him.

Bring his car to the salvage crusher.

Cadillac.

I'll get something.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

Where are you going? No, Tony!
Please, don't go.

I'll be right back.

(ELECTRIC SAWING SOUNDS)

We gotta speed this up. You know what
time these humps come in for work?

Fucking meat delivery at 5 a.m.

We're almost done.

It's gonna be a while before I eat
anything from Satriale's.

Uh, Okay.

Get the hose and wash the room.

(Livia)
Janice? Is that you down there?

What are you doing up so early?

Ma, go back to bed.

I just don't know what happened to me.

I had the strangest dreams
all night long.

People coming and going
and coming and going.

I couldn't get up off the bed.

Ton... Tony.

Anthony, what are you doing here?

Nothing. Janice, let's go.

Richie didn't come home.
She's worried.

Oh, sure, he probably jilted her.
It's the story of her life.

What kind of a fucking chance did she
have with you as her mother?

You're always nagging her
about her weight.

She goes out on a date,
you call her a tramp!

I'm gonna wait out in the car.

- I never said anything of the kind.
- I heard you.

You make things up.

You tell me.

Now you tell me when I ever did
anything to any of you.

You don't know, do you?

You don't have a fucking clue.

I wasn't always perfect,
but I always tried to do the best.

I know you didn't, any of you, didn't
like it when I told you what to do.

Babies are like animals.
They're no different than dogs.

Somebody has to teach them
right from wrong.

But I was your mother!
Who else was gonna do it?

If you ask me, I did
a pretty damn good job.

That palace you live in
up there on that hill.

I gave my life to my children
on a silver platter.

I suppose now you're not
gonna kiss me.

What?

You're cruel, that's what you are.

- Oh, fuck this.
- Oh, don't... No.

(LAUGHING)

(KNOCKING)

(In Russian)
Irina, a man is here to see you.

Who?

The one who has the club.

Mr. Dante.

- How you doing, hon?
- Who sended you, Tony?

He asked me to bring this.

- What is it, money? I don't want it.
- Yes, you do.

There's $75,000 in here.

- Seventy-five?
- Listen...

...Irina, I know you're upset.
But let me give you a little advice.

In my business I see girls
come and go. So I know.

Time is the great enemy.
You've got a very short window.

It's not good to get too hung up
on any one thing.

On the other hand,
something new always comes along.

I've seen it a million times.
It's called Passages.

It's a book.

He's right, Irinushka.
He's very smart man.

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

I'm not gonna forget this, Tony.
I owe you. God, do I owe you.

All in all, I'd say
it was a good visit.

What's wrong with our family, Tony?

I go to a shrink.

She says that our mother has
a narcissistic personality.

- Who knows how she got that way.
- Grandpa Vito was no prize as a father.

That's not all the shrink says.
She says...

...that Ma is a person who was
incapable of experiencing joy.

Dad, all he did was experience joy.

Richie told me you were going
to a shrink.

I used to suggest it,
and you'd blow your stack at me.

Maybe you ought to think about
going back into therapy.

What'd you do with him?

We buried him.

On a hill.

Overlooking a little river.
With pine cones all around.

- You did?
- What the fuck?

What do you care what we did with him?
Why do you want to know?

But I loved him so much!

You're gonna miss your bus.

I'm sorry, Tony. I am so sorry.

All right. All right. Go ahead.

(DOOR OPENING)

Meadow, you have a UPS.
It's up in your room.

What are you doing in here?

You've been gone all night.
What the hell happened?

(SIGHING)

Janice decided to go back to Seattle.

You're kidding?

Well, what about Richie?
He must be devastated.

Richie's gone.

What do you mean "gone"?

Gone.

Where?

After 18 years, don't make me
make you an accessory after the fact.

An accessory after the...?

- Holy shit.
- Stop asking.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

I took care of it.

That...

That was not a marriage
made in heaven.

(SIGHING)

What's all this?

After Meadow's graduation, me
and Rosalie Aprile are going to Rome.

For three weeks.

Excuse me?

We're gonna stay at the Hassler.
Shop.

And try and see the Holy Father.

What are people gonna say,
you go for three weeks?

You'll have to chauffeur AJ around
to his dentist and whatnot.

You've gotta find a tennis clinic
for Meadow to join.

Because if I have to do it, Tony...

...I just might commit suicide.

(POP SONG PLAYING)