The Sopranos (1999–2007): Season 2, Episode 11 - House Arrest - full transcript

(SOPRANOS THEME SONG)

Stop!

Stop! What are you doing?

What are you doing,
you closing me up!

Mister, where do you
suppose you are going?

Stop! Stop!
I demand you stop!

I demand you come back here
this instant!

This instant, you motherfucker!
You motherfucker!

Motherfucker!

Motherfucker!

(PHONE RINGING)

Yeah.

Zanone Brothers.

This fuckin'
series, huh?

Your driver, he comes here,

He dumps the garbage
all over the place!

He did, huh?

What "he did"?

How about those Nets, huh?

You come get it now!

Get what, sir?

The goddamn, goddamn garbage.

We thought you wanted it back.

What?!

What?!

The rag-head
from the deli.

Hello, where are you?

You called yesterday
to complain?

That's our policy,
it's written on our trucks.

Double your garbage back
if you're not satisfied.

I complain because you didn't make
full pickups on 12, 16, 20th.

And then I get
charged double for it!

Right, we had to come out twice.

You charge me double
for pickups you miss?

My dispatcher asked you
if you're not satisfied

Did you want
your garbage back?

Of course I don't
want garbage back!

Then you're satisfied.

You are speaking shit to me.

We'll try to send
a truck out tomorrow.

What are we talking,
eight to 10?

(KNOCKING) For god sake Alan, I can
plead him out of three to five.

All right, talk to Mike Gendler,
see what he says.

What's all this?

You looked thirsty
last time I saw you.

Oh, yeah, you know what?
I knew I left this someplace.

New?

You know,
keeping busy.

Carmela, the kids?

Good.

You know, school shit.

You bet that game last night?

Yeah.

What do you think
I need this for?

(CLEARING THROAT)

So, what do I
owe you, counselor?

You'll pay me when I actually
have to do something.

Let's hope that fuckin' day
never comes, right?

It almost did very recently.

Here we go, the Neil Mink
lecture series.

Well, isn't it fair to say
we were staring into the abyss?

A very close call, that brush
with a murder beef.

I told you, I was home alone.

You and Macaulay Culkin.

Except that neither one of you
would have been alone.

Champagne's nice.

But you want
to give me a real gift?

Insulate yourself
from these shenanigans.

I told you
once already.

I do.

I am.

What the fuck
you want from me?

Use one of the businesses
we've got you in,

for something besides
showing income on a tax return.

Spend time
at garden state rendering.

Oh, please, you know what
boiling fat smells like?

You have an office
at Barone Sanitation.

Get your ass out of that
strip club and go there.

All right, I hear you.

The feds are
a business, Anthony.

Millions of tax dollars
invested in watching your ass.

Sooner or later
just like you,

They're gonna want a return
on that investment.

Mother of fucking mercy.

What'd you take
a sledgehammer to my balls?

That's just the incision
where I inserted the stent.

You're gonna feel
a little tenderness.

Okay, almost there.

Easy.

You should use
the bedpan next time.

I'm not a cat.

I don't shit in a box.

You have to watch
your heart.

My heart's fine.

When I get out of here
we're going to a discotheque,

you and me.

Discotheque.

What's so funny?

Mr. Soprano.

I'm Michael McLuhan from
the U.S. Marshal Service.

Here to reattach
your electronic bracelet.

They you give you
the important jobs, huh?

(nurse)
Excuse me.

Your name's really
McLuhan?

Right.

So, that makes you
Marshal McLuhan.

That's right.

What?

What's the fucking joke?

All right, you may feel
some pressure in your chest.

But that'll go away as the blood
flow to heart increases.

Just stay in bed,
plenty of fluids.

Get you home tomorrow.

Lucky fucking me.

Sandwich or something?

Did you hear me with my balls,
who can fucking eat?

(DJ on radio)... New York's only
classic rock station, Q-104...

What are you
looking at?

Nothing.

Just looking
out the window.

Gettin' my eyebrows done.

(POP SONG PLAYING)

Remember...

One mouth, two ears.

Listen to each other.

I'll see you next week.

Okay.

(DOOR CLOSING)

So, what's up?

I don't know,
I'm...

I'm bored or something.

I don't want
to come here no more.

Well...

Not the first time
we've heard you say that.

No offense,
but let's face it,

this is starting to feel
like a waste of time.

I'm sure for the both of us.

I don't feel that way.

Like the other day
I'm watching this movie

with Brad Pitt and that blonde,
Gwyneth Paltrow.

"Sliding Doors"?

Fuck no, "Seven".

It's a good movie,
and I never seen it before.

But halfway through it,
I'm thinking, this is bullshit.

A waste of my fucking time.

Why do I give a shit
who the killer is?

What difference Is that information
gonna make in my life?

Very true.

So, I shut it off.

Good for you.

What did you
do instead?

I went out in the yard and burned
ants with a magnifying glass.

A little sense of humor here?

What's the matter?

You still in mourning over
the coming of managed care?

Go on.

What's the point?

You go to Italy,
you lift some weights,

you watch a movie.

It's all a series of
distractions 'til you die.

I hear
Depression talking.

Yeah, well, I'm not
upping my dosage.

Medication,
medication,

medication, what do I
got to show for it?

Who knows where you'd be
without the medication?

Anyway, some people
take pleasure

in the simple
doing of things.

Yeah, well, the things
I take pleasure in, I can't do.

Currently trying
to change my business profile,

if you know
what I mean.

So, it's all about
your legal problems.

(SIGHING)

I'm gonna get the car.

Don't disappear,
meet me out front.

Corrado?

I thought that was you.

Catherine... Romano.

Catherine.

Mr. Soprano, you have to stay in the
wheelchair until you leave the building.

Hospital rules.

So, call a cop.

A little procedure,

you'd think that they'd
worry about the sick people.

It's all about
the insurance.

You remember my Chuckie?

Little Chuckie,

you drove the bike
for the butcher's.

I gotta call Karen, ma.

He's a cop now,
like his father.

A detective.

He's a good egg,
your Lou.

He was a real straight-shooter,
he had a lot of class.

Hodgkin's, no?

It's been almost 15 years.

That long?

The week the shuttle exploded.

The pension helps.

The grandchildren.

You look good, Corrado.

You healthy?

A little heart trouble,
nothing much.

You broke your ankle?

Bunions.

You still
in Belleville?

Same house, Watsessing avenue.

I'm right on Ampere Parkway
near our beloved alma mater.

Maybe we could
have coffee.

Catch up.

There's an IHOP
by the dry cleaners.

The doctor says I'm not
supposed to leave the house.

Too much stress.

Sir?

The chair.

(DOG BARKING)

What the fuck, I don't
show up for eight years,

all of a sudden you turn
my office into a storeroom?

No, I'm gonna get
this shit cleaned right out.

Connie!

Connie!

This is Mr. Soprano.

Tony.

How ya doing?

Connie Desapio.

What happened to Diane?

A little self-indulgent when
it came to the office supplies.

Connie, Mr. Soprano's
been out the in the field,

but he's gonna be spending
some time with us here at HQ.

So, let's get Ralphie
in here, and Danny too,

and let's move these
boxes out, the books.

What should
I do with them?

I don't know, make room.

I'll put them
by the copy machine.

Nice rack.

Born-again Christian.

Oh, yeah?

Listen, while
I have you here,

we may have
a little problem.

Richie Aprile.

Yeah, I know,
I heard.

He tipped a truck
at a deli in Nutley.

That fucking guy.

But that's not it.

One of Zanone's drivers,
the illustrated man?

Richie's got him
running an operation,

selling blow
along the routes.

Now, the Department of Sanitation,
I can handle, Tony.

But if the D.E.A. gets involved
we're gonna lose our 901.

Sonofa-fuckin'-bitch.

I'm sorry, I don't like
to break your balls.

You know that piece of shit's
gonna be my brother-in-law?

Nice, huh?

The Rico act, Elliot.

We sat there and we talked
about the fucking Rico act.

You treat different patients.

Your base of knowledge expands.

Two years ago I thought
Rico was a relative of his.

Cards-on-the-table time.

How's the drinking?

I don't know.

Worse, I guess.

Are you an alcoholic?

I am drinking
in between sessions.

That's very serious.

Just on the days
that I see him.

I can't take it.

Finally, thank you.

Are you taking steps
to seriously end it?

He wanted to end it.

He said last time
he wanted to stop coming.

But I talked
him out of it.

Why?

If I was at Sloan and
he had a pituitary tumor,

would I stop
him from coming?

Elliot, it's like that thing
with watching a train wreck.

I'm afraid and repulsed
by what he might tell me.

But somehow I can't stop myself
from wanting to hear it.

Okay.

All set.

It'll ramp up
to eight pounds per cubic inch.

Keep your airway open
when you're sleeping.

I don't snore.

Ah, don't be embarrassed.

Obstructive sleep apnea
is serious.

Every time your airway closes down
and you wake up fighting for breath,

it puts tremendous strain
on your heart.

Dr. Schreck is absolutely right
in prescribing this for you.

Makes me look
like a sick man.

You're not sick.

But testing shows rem-wise,
you have 40 arousals per hour.

More since I met you.

Such a thing to say.

Arousals mean a change
in your stages of sleep.

You are such a flirt.

I'll stop by tomorrow, okay,
see how you did?

Be counting the beats.

(DOORBELL)

Who's that?

Judge Crater,
how should I know?

The one who ordered
the house arrest?

Answer the door,
it's a goddamn expression.

I'm gonna go
wash my hands.

(female) Hello, I'm Catherine,
a friend of Corrado's.

Fuck me.

Oh Catherine,
what a surprise.

I would've called,
you're unlisted.

I brought manicotti.

How's your foot?

It's better, thanks.

Heart?

Better.

Is this a bad time for a visit?

Actually, the nurse
just got here.

We were about to
have my examination.

Oh well,
maybe Friday then.

I volunteer at the bingo
since Louis past.

Well...

enjoy the manicotti.

Thank you,
I will.

You're awful.

Neighbor lady, she went to
school with my older brother.

I'll see ya tomorrow.

What'd you send
that lady away for?

I thought you were bored.

Talking to that
dreadnought would help?

She seems all right.

What the hell would
we have in common?

Bunion, you know
how I feel about feet.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Look at this.

You believe this one
with the cleavage?

Finger food is better
than last year.

It's not the landfill,
the problem's the limit.

Right now we're
at two grand a day,

But with the D.O.S.
breaking our balls,

I gotta fuck
with the ins and outs.

Oh yeah, what's that?

The paperwork,
you know?

List the gross tonnage.

I gotta file it
in triplicate every day.

Right.

How ya doing?

Is that your wife,
Dickie?

Yeah, c'mon,
I'll introduce you.

I'm getting
engaged myself.

Hey some place, huh?

That landscaping
is gorgeous.

Janice, you're
completely transformed.

What can I say?

"You look good, Janice"?

You look
pretty good, Janice.

You are a giant asshole,
you know?

C'mon.

...Nirvana.

You got a minute?

Jesus Christ,
let me get a drink.

Naw, we'll grab
a waiter, c'mon.

I'll see you.

Excuse me, ladies.

Have you met
Helen Barone?

Hi, Jan Soprano.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Got any blow?

What?

Blow, you know, coke.

What, you don't
keep it on you?

I gotta go
to the deli in Nutley?

Tony.

You don't sell that shit
along those routes,

you understand me?

I'm working
with Junior on this.

I don't give a shit
if you're working with Walmart,

knock it the fuck off.

I'm trying to earn here,
we're saving for a house.

You got enough in your plate
just picking up garbage.

Not if you and
that fucking association,

and that cocksucker Barone
don't let me expand.

Are you fucking
stoonad or what?

After five years.

The cops are finally
leaving garbage alone.

A drug bust on one of
those routes is different story,

you got the FBI, the D.E.A.,
those fucking pricks

are gonna be breathing
down our necks again.

It's a little coke.

What is the big deal?

You and my uncle,

you want to deal drugs,
that's your business.

You do it on association garbage
routes, it's my fucking business.

It stops today,
you got it?

Don't give me your
fucking Manson lamps,

just fucking stop.

Another thing, don't tip
a truck on a problem customer.

I fucking hate the way
you make me fucking ride you.

Now, get the fuck
out of here.

(ROCK SONG PLAYING)

...Municipality went private,

So, now we're bidding on a landfill
down in West Virginia.

(male) I started reading
the EPA's new guidelines,

on curbside recycling.

I'm telling you,
listen, I'm telling you.

Just listen to me, guys.

I got it right through
the transfer station.

And listen to this, it
scaled out at nearly 3,000 tons.

Three-thousand tons.

...Talking about instituting
a yard waste ban,

in half the states
on the Eastern seaboard.

(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES)

Oh.

Oh, my god, Tony.

Call an ambulance!

Jesus Christ.

Turn him over,
Carmela.

Tony.

Watch his head,
watch his head.

The pills,
the analysis.

You pay her a fortune,
what is she doing for you?

Will you leave me
the fuck alone?

If it was a man
you'd ring his neck.

I got a fucking rash now,
last week or two.

Leave me alone.

Putting a wing
on her house.

Mr. Soprano.

I have your results.

Yeah.

Just preliminary, but as far
as I can tell, it's...

Nothing physical, right?

For Chris sake, I just passed out,
if it's nothing physical,

then what the fuck
is wrong with me?

I would think
you'd be relieved.

I'll be relieved when
somebody puts their finger on

whatever the fuck it is
that's wrong with me.

I wish it was physical, so I could
have it ripped the fuck out.

I'm sorry, it's just
very frustrating,

I know you're only
trying to help.

You know, losing
some weight wouldn't hurt.

Shit.

Did you get
the lady fingers?

Nah, they were out.

I got crumb cake,
the Entenmann's.

Disposal again?
Leave it,

I told you, I gotta
get the flange.

When, St. Smithen's day?

Who was at
the door before?

That lady from
the other day.

Catherine?

The one with
the manicotti.

I said you were sleeping.

Why didn't you wake me?

Roberta Sanfilippo
didn't call back, did she?

I gotta be honest, Junior,

When I ran into her at
Fountains of Wayne that time,

she was very cold.

What was she buying?

Fountain, kid pissing.

Must've bought a house.

Great ass.

Jesus.

Talked too much,
but what a piece she was.

Game as they come.

Listen, I'm gonna go.

Gotta take my kid to karate.

(Rosalie)
No, I read it, I did.

(Gabriella) That's it,
that's the way of life.

But in "Angela's Ashes" you
were laughing with him at least.

Every paycheck
squandered on alcohol.

Please, you know
the Irish and their liquor.

The "weakness"
he calls it, right?

(Carmela) How he can make such
heartache funny is beyond me.

My god, with that father?

It's true, we don't know
what poverty is in this country.

Did you feel in this one the mother
came off a little nicer?

It's all in the writing.

(Carmela) It's like he makes
certain choices about

how he is going
to portray people.

Like the nuns
in that convent.

Please, Catholic school here
wasn't any better.

He used to be
a school teacher, you know.

Some school
in Manhattan.

My god, the way
he treated that wife.

She'd be better off
if he beat her.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

Yeah T, it's me.

Hey.

Listen, that container came in.

From the other side.

Supposed to
go to that guy...

Great, about fucking time.

It's better than she said,
it's un-fuckin'-believable.

It's all original
World War II shit.

You're fucking
kidding me.

I know nothing!

Nothing!

Ton, I am looking at the fucking
history channel here.

You gotta
come down here.

You'll love this stuff.

Nah.

We got Eisenhower's
dinnerware

from allied headquarters
in London.

We got a couple of Hermann Goering's
personal pearl-handled Lugers,

And get this...

We got the jeep that Patton
drove around in, in Sicily.

We have ways of dealing
with you, Mr. Soprano!

(Pussy)
Ahh...!

(Silvio)
Put that thing down.

Put that down, its expensive.

No, I better listen to the lawyer.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

You guys go ahead without me.

All right, talk to you later.

All right.

(female)
How 'bout a mystery?

(Carmela) The mystery
is that Rosalie read the "Ya-Ya Sisterhood"

(LAUGHING)

(female)
What? I liked it.

(female) What about something
like "Cider House Rules"?

(Carmela)
Yeah, but not so sad.

So, how's that
English class going?

Comparative Literature, whatever.

Comp. Lit.
was last semester.

I told you I'm taking Lacan,
deconstructive theory.

Ooh, deconstructivist,
excuse me.

(COUGHING)

Incredible, they could care less.

This is delicious.

And your grandfather
a contractor.

Deconstructivism.

Ah.

My droll mom.

Excuse me, could you
move your cigarette?

Pardon me?

It's blowing
into my son's face.

Thank you.

We're allowed to smoke.

Unfortunately an area where
New Jersey is woefully behind,

but could you move it?

Mom, it's no big deal.

It's no big deal
to move it either.

I don't think so.

I'm sorry?

I'm not gonna move it.

Why not?

Because you're very rude.

I said "excuse me,"
quite clearly.

Your tone.

It's a health hazard,
move it.

No.

I'm a physician,

do you know what you're
doing to the rest of us?

My son has taken the trouble
in his own life,

to live in
a smoke-free dorm.

My salutations.

Mom.

This isn't
a smoke-free restaurant.

Look, this is silly, could you
just move the fucking thing?

Not when you
talk like that.

Just move
the cigarette, please?

No.

No?

No.

Mom!

Well?

You bitch.

She must be drunk.

Excuse me,
what did you say?

Ma'am, c'mon.

I saw what happened
let's just, shall we?

Will you call the police?

I don't think that's warranted,
but ma'am...

Oh, no, please,
call the police,

because I'm not the one
with a lethal weapon here.

Ma'am, I'd like
you to leave.

C'mon, Jason.

I'm outta here.

(SOBBING)

(Richie)
Hello.

In here.

(Janice)
Uncle Jun'?

In here, the kitchen!

Where you been?

I've been calling you
all afternoon.

My fucking hand
is stuck down the drain.

And I can't reach
the fucking phone.

Good thing I'm nice, 'cause
I could start tickling you.

Jesus Christ.

How long you been
standing there?

Six hours!

Now get the fucking detergent
and lubricate my wrist!

Motherfuckin'
son of a bitch.

I thought you were Bobby.

Why didn't you
just call a plumber?

With what,
my fucking toes?!

Relax.

Relax.

Let it go limp.

Limp, you're flexing!

Let it go limp.

Limp.

That's it,
you're flexing.

Limp, that's it,
simmer down.

Simmer down.

Easy.

Oh, Jesus
fucking Christ.

Oh, this fucking house.

I'm dying here.

Just take it easy, okay?

You're coming to the engagement
party at least, right?

We'll get special permission.

I'll make some coffee.

I don't give a shit
if you do or you don't.

It's light.

You got your nephew
to thank for that.

What do you mean?

I ran into him the other day
at the garbage men's ball,

whatever the fuck it is.

He said we can't sell coke
on the route anymore.

What?

That's what he said.

I guess nobody
should eat, but him.

You should have seen him
in the golf outfit,

he looked like
Wallace Beery.

Where does he
get the effrontery?

He's the boss.

Whether he has
grand mals or not.

And this shit
is okay with you?

I know how much
you love him, JR.

I don't want to say
anything disparaging.

(Dick) You know how it is,
they're bureaucrats,

they nit, they pick.

It's passive-aggressive,
pure and simple.

They have their lives,
themselves.

I know, I know,
they're not out in the field.

What can I do?
It's mandatory.

Okay, hold on.

Connie, get me the paperwork
on the separation requirements

for New Jersey.

(Connie)
Where is it?

I don't know, I put them
with the recycling files.

Can I get you something?

Coffee?

No.

No, I'm all right.

I'll be going home soon.

I embarrassed my son.

How's he supposed to know,

where this type
of behavior is coming from?

Think it's time you considered
a 12-step program?

I'm not an alcoholic, Elliot.

Besides, I have you, this.

Therapy isn't a substitute,
you know that.

I won't drink
with my son anymore.

We're bargaining now?

I'll go to a meeting.

I'm also
prescribing Luvox.

Luvox?

Is for OCD.

Among other things,

I've had success with it treating
other compulsions as well.

Compulsions?
Elliot, c'mon.

Your patient, Jennifer,

your inability to bring
the therapy to a conclusion.

Elliot, I honestly believe
that he's not ready.

Refer him to another doctor.

You really think that I'm...

Obsessed?

Luvox.

Jesus Christ.

That coke provides
a nice income stream.

Do you have any ideas
the bills I got?

Just keep it away
from the garbage routes.

The lawyers, the doctors,
the prescriptions,

a double sawbuck
for a plastic pillow,

just so I can
sit comfortably.

Why don't you just sit on that
nice pile of cash you got?

My finances are nobody's
goddamn business.

And that garbage
is my business.

I don't want you and that
other shit-bird fucking it up.

Your business.

Yeah, why don't you get that
through that bald dome of yours?

Why does everything
have to be so difficult?

You know, back in the '50s
we worked together.

Even rival families settled
their differences, amicably.

Oh yeah, I remember that picture
of Albert Anastasia lying there

all amicable
on the barbershop floor.

There were exceptions,
I'm just saying.

Oh, I'm sorry,
should I come back?

It's all right.

We're done here.

Bad night last night, huh?

Let's see if we can't get you a more
comfortable fit on this mask.

That little cupcake,
she never came back.

The one with the mask.

Tracey?

Sent her a bottle
of Shalimar.

She never mentioned it.

You should be happy at least,

the stent was
a complete success.

Let's not tempt fate
by taxing the heart.

How many migs
you shoot down last week?

Where's that
fucking manicotti?

It's gone.

Half a fucking
tray in there!

I was hungry.

Son of a bitch.

It's not my fault
you got your hand caught.

Why do you have
to be so nasty?

(recording) Directory assistant,
what listing?

Belleville, I need a number
for a Catherine Romano.

Thank you,
for what city?

Cocksucker, Belleville!

Please hold for an operator.

Any allergies, shellfish, perhaps?

No, I eat shrimp all the time.

MSG? Any change in medication?

No.

A new laundry detergent,
something like that?

I don't know,
I don't think so.

Have you been under
any undue stress lately?

Is that the only word
you people know?

Sometimes pressure can result
in contact dermatitis.

Oh, is that
what that is?

See, now I knew
that was bad.

It means rash.

Look at it,
it's bleeding, for Chris sake.

You've been
scratching it.

You said you work at
a sanitation transfer station.

Dollars to donuts, you're being
exposed to an irritant in the air.

I sit in an office.

I'll write you a scrip
for Cortisone cream.

Dr. Cusamano tells me you've been
seeing a psychotherapist.

So?

I suggest you talk about
stress management with him.

(MOANING)

(DOG BARKING)

(PHONE RINGING)

To tell the truth,

I was surprised
to hear from you.

I was sorry we
missed our visit.

I had the feeling
you weren't interested.

No.

No.

I stopped by the other day,
but I guess you were out.

It was odd.

I thought I heard
you hollering.

Funny how life works.

The different paths.

Yeah.

All leading to the cemetery.

Can I ask you
something, Corrado?

Was my Lou ever...

You know, on the take?

No, of course not.

Why would you ask
such a thing?

Sometimes you know,
I'd find money.

Hundreds of dollars, cash,
in his pockets at night.

Probably won it
at the racetrack.

You think so?

Sure, why not?

Somebody has to win.

Well, the kitchen needs
some work but, you know,

a little marble,
maybe some new fixtures.

It's nice.

You think he'll come
down on the price?

I don't know.

Tony, it's your sister,

would it kill you to
take a little interest?

I'm here, ain't I?

Sorry we're late.

The paper says
Fox Hill lane,

she takes me to Stag Trail road.

Not bad, huh, Carm?
Oh, wow.

If we have kids, ma's house
is just not big enough.

And like Tony says,
it's not our house anyway.

Come here, you gotta
see this bedroom.

You can make a den
out of the closet.

Talked to my uncle
the other day, Rich.

Yeah, I heard.

So we're clear on this
drug shit, right, Richie?

Now, the reason I'm asking you,
850 grand's a pretty big nut.

I don't know
if your parole job

at the fish market's
gonna cover it.

Tell me about it.

These walls, skim-coat.

Not that plain sheetrock shit.

They put in a lawn
this year, it's new.

When'd you put
your lawn in?

Richie.

This is a great school district.

Are you all right?

I gotta go.

What's the matter?

Nothing, just...

I feel hot.

Oh my god, you're all clammy,
let's get you home.

No, no, you stay with them,
and help them.

I'll see you later.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(KNOCKING)

Oh, you poor bastard.

(KNOCKING)

Hey Tony, you got a minute?

Yeah, sure, what's up?

What are you doing?

Organizing a basketball pool,

for the people in the office.

Yeah, sounds great, should be fun.

Yeah.

I got a call from
a friend of mine in Nutley.

Guy's a cop.

They got Richie's
driver on video.

He sold three ounces of coke
at an arcade down there.

It's all right,
I talked to Richie.

This was last night.

Guess we'll have to
torch a truck or something.

Oh, but you don't
want to hear that.

And I sure as shit
didn't say it.

Dick, I'm trying to work
on this office pool.

Sure, I'll leave you alone.

(DOOR CLOSING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

(Livia)
Corrado?

What the fuck are you doing
calling my home?

Now listen,

I am the only person in
this family who doesn't curse,

so, just do me the favor.

I want to see how you're feeling.

Is that so horrible?

I'm fine.

It's not easy being
abandoned, is it?

Look to yourself.

I had a stroke, Corrado,
did you hear?

Of course I heard,
I don't live in Oshkosh.

And I heard

you're keeping company
with that Catherine Romano.

What the fuck?

Never you mind
about that.

Aw, she's so sweet.

I remember my Johnny told me,

she let him feel her up
behind "The Sons of Italy" hall.

Listen Livia, what you
don't know could fill a book.

(DIAL TONE)

Is everything all right?

My brother's wife.

Oh Livia, how is she?

I heard she wasn't well.

She never was well.

Let's face it.

That woman's life is very sad.

If she fell into a sewer pipe,

she'd come up holding
a gold watch in each hand.

This was my father's.

Actually it
was his uncle's.

It's a little sweet, but there's
nothing like homemade wine.

The vinegar eggplant.

From four years ago.

Take some home.

I can't handle the acidity.

If you like, I can
make us some lunch.

Why go to the bother,

there's a Friendly's
on Bloomfield avenue.

I can't.

Don't you enjoy
going out Corrado?

It's not that
I don't enjoy it.

Well, what is it then,
your heart?

No, it's certain legal difficulties.

The truth is I can't go out.

I'm under house arrest.

Oh my god, does it hurt?

It beeps.

Sends a signal
if I leave the house.

You can't go anywhere?

The choices we make, huh?

Occasionally I can
get special permission.

Banking, the doctors,
certain family obligations.

For the most part though...

I understand if you
don't want to stay.

I enjoy you, Corrado,
I always did.

You stay,
I'll bring food in.

Trying to keep a low profile,
what's the fucking point?

I'm still a miserable prick,
and I'm still passing out.

Thing on the History Channel
the other night,

on the American Revolution.

You know we're the only
country in the world

where the pursuit of happiness
is guaranteed in writing?

You believe that, hmm?

Bunch of fucking spoiled brats.

Where's my happiness then?

It's the pursuit that's guaranteed.

Always a fucking loophole, right?

Well, you seem
very mellow today.

Let's talk about you.

You seem like you're on drugs,
and I'm boring myself to death.

I'm ready for the George Sanders
long walk here.

Do you know why
a shark keeps moving?

They gotta keep moving
or they'll die,

they can't breathe
or something.

There's a psychological
condition known as Alexithymia,

common in certain personalities.

The individual craves
almost ceaseless action,

which enables them
to avoid acknowledging

the abhorrent things they do.

Abhorrent?

What certain personalities?

Antisocial personalities.

My future brother-in-law...

Ran over a guy, no reason.

Guy's paralyzed, has to
piss into a cathode tube.

What happens when these
antisocial personalities

aren't distracted from
the horrible shit they do?

They have time to think
about their behavior.

How what they do
affects other people.

About feelings of emptiness
and self-loathing,

haunting them since childhood.

And they crash.

Which one of them knew?

Knew what?

Jerry Grill had asthma...

(SNORING)

He never was one
to let common sense

get in the way of
whatever he wanted to do.

(LOUD SNORING)

What about Chris Newman?

Grale's house was the last thing
standing in the way of that new deli.

I'm sure Chris is glad
to see him gone too.

What about Howard?

Corrado.

Hmm?

I got caught in
the middle of the fight...

And you have
no broken bones?

Actually they ignored me.

Fucking thing.

Shh, with that talk.

...That he'd been cheatin' on her

Where'd you hear that?

Her father told her
while I was standing there.

Every one of them
had a motive.

The thing is who
had the opportunity,

and who was it who knew
that he had asthma?

I threw.

C'mon.

Ho, our long lost leader.

Somebody most owe him money.

Tony, how you doing?

How's the clay pigeon?

I'm getting there.

You could knock Cardozo
Law school all you want,

but his lawyer says
the gun charge will not stick.

Yeah, congratulations.

(Christopher) We were just talking
about you know, down the docks.

Driving off some off
that Japanese technology.

Hesh knows a guy.

Oh, yeah?

So, what else is going on?

Nothing.

I'm having good luck with Swiss
Basics' Moisturizing Formula.

Maybe I'll try it.

Oh!

Yeah!

Goodbye.

(CRASHING SOUND)

What the fuck?

Holy shit.

Look at that.

(Tony)
It's that dipshit Carmine again.

Sil, go tell him no speeding
in the neighborhood.

I'm on it.

C'mon.

What an asshole.

(Silvio) Carmine, what the
fuck's the matter with you?

How many times
We gotta tell you,

do not speed in this
fucking neighborhood?!

(FURIO YELLING
IN ITALIAN)

(Sil)
C'mon, you hurt?

That's too bad,

you should be fucking crippled,
you fucking asshole!

Don't do that again,
you understand me?!

Understand me?

People could be fucking hurt,
you know that?

You know that?

You all right?

You sure?

Tony.

Oh, Agent Harris.

How are you?

Good, good to see you.

I was in the neighborhood, I wanted
to introduce you to my new partner.

Joe Marquez, Tony Soprano.

What's the matter,
no openings in the post office?

How 'bout those Nets, huh?

What a series.

It's that guy, Williams.

Yeah, he's good.

That fourth quarter was amazing.

How'd the Knicks do?

It was close, really close.

Look at this asshole.

Friend of yours?

He drives too fast, and he's
always fucking hitting shit.

(POP SONG PLAYING)