The Six Million Dollar Man (1974–1978): Season 4, Episode 12 - The Ultimate Imposter - full transcript
FLIGHT COM:
It looks good at NASA One.
B- 52 >PILOT:
Roger.
BCS Arm switch is on.
FLIGHT COM:
Okay, Victor.
B-52 PILOT:
Landing Rocket Arm switch is on.
Here comes the throttle.
Circuit breakers in.
STEVE:
We have separation.
B-52 PILOT:
Inboard and outboards are on.
I'm comin' forward with the side stick.
FLIGHT COM:
Looks good.
PILOT:
Ah, Roger.
STEVE:
I've got a blowout in damper three.
SR-71 PILOT:
Get your pitch to zero.
STEVE:
Pitch is out. I can't hold altitude!
B-52 PILOT: Correction. Alpha Hold is oil“.
Threat selector is emergency.
STEVE: Flight Com. I can't hold it!
She's breaking up! She's breaking...
ANNOUNCER:
Steve Austin. Astronaut.
A man barely alive.
We can rebuild him.
We have the technology.
We can make him
better than he was.
Better, stronger, faster.
(MAIN TITLE THEME)
What're you guys pumping
into my brain this time?
Greek?
Or how to repair a xylophone?
Whatever it is, get it right.
It's our last chance, Joe.
Yeah, I know.
Alright. We're all set.
Don't worry, Rudy.
Good luck, Joe.
Thanks, Steve.
This is where all the money went.
This is the Digital Alpha Technique
Application equipment.
The monitoring equipment for
the electromagnetic generators.
That's the computer.
And, most importantly,
this is the control console.
The electronic module that converts
the information on the tapes...
from computer language
into brain language.
Yeah.
WOMAN: Joe, it's too dangerous.
It's too dangerous.
WOMAN: Knock, knock.
Anybody home?
MAN: Sure. The rent's cheap
and the view is great.
What have I missed? Fill me in.
Whales going north,
ships going south.
You missed a dynamite party.
That bad, huh?
Awful.
Mostly 'cause you weren't
there to make me laugh.
Well, I can't do everything.
Somebody's got to count the whales.
That's true.
It'll all be over in a few hours, Jenny.
Joe...
Are you sure you're one
of Oscar's secret agents?
Yes. I'm very good at it, actually.
Well, you must be getting rusty...
because what you're thinking
is written all over your face.
Don't do it, Joe.
I can't bear to watch
them experiment on you.
Oh, Jenny.
Look, when Oscar Goldman shows
up just tell him to forget it.
There's no way to transfer information
from a computer to a human brain.
Oscar's going to shut down this project
if we can't prove that it works this time.
Jenny, I wanna do it.
I want it to work.
Joe, you're not one of Oscar's agents.
You're an English teacher.
Yeah, and bored enough
to risk being a volunteer.
Jenny, I was the first kid
on my block to chew tobacco.
To sleep all night in a cemetery.
To get my nose busted in a street fight.
Yeah. Well, it's too dangerous.
JENNY: Too dangerous.
It's too dangerous.
RUDY: Over here we have the tape bank.
Now we've transmitted
portions of these tapes...
from the computer directly
into Joe Patton's brain.
Has he learned that way?
I mean, has he actually
retained the information?
A little of it.
We can't seem to get him
to remember all of it.
Just... just fragments.
That's not good enough, Rudy.
Oscar, this could be the most efficient
teaching tool ever dreamed of.
Anyone could learn,
whatever he wanted. Just...
To fly a jet.
To speak in Chinese.
Just in a matter of hours.
But Rudy, it's got to work.
If it doesn't work,
despite the potential...
I'm gonna have to shelve it.
I know that.
MAL: We're ready, Dr. Wells.
Okay, Mal. Thanks.
(ELECTRIC BUZZING)
This time we'll try
a new wavelength. Alpha 7.
It goes a little deeper into the frontal lobe
than the other waves we've used.
What information are you
transmitting into Joe's brain?
Mal? What is it?
Book of Genesis, chapter one,
Old Testament.
Pre-transmission takes 44 seconds.
You ready, Joe?
JOE: Okay, Rudy.
(MACHINES WHIRR)
(MULTI-PITCHED TONES)
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
(LOUD TONE)
It's an overload!
Joe! Can you hear me?! Joe!
I can't kill the generators!
The switches have fused!
Joe! Can you hear me?! Joe!
RUDY: Joe!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(COMPUTER SOUND SLOWS, STOPS)
Oh, my God!
What have we done to him?
(STEADY BEEP)
Jenny, don't worry.
We'll take good care of him.
Look, I don't wanna leave Joe.
Not now, Oscar. Please.
Jenny, I warned you about
getting involved with Joe.
I saw it coming, and I warned you.
Yeah, I know. But I've made
a decision about this.
Telegram arrived for you at your
New Orleans address from Stenger.
He's invited you to his
home at Puerta Azul.
Forget it, Oscar.
Find somebody else.
Jenny, it's taken us two years
to establish our cover with Stenger.
We've got to find out whether he's gotten
hold of those twenty dollar plates...
that were stolen from
Treasury last month.
Jenny.
Okay, okay.
I just wanna say goodbye to him.
I'll say good-bye to him.
He's got enough to worry about.
This is the last time, Oscar.
The last time.
He's just regaining consciousness,
thank God.
Why are you two grinning at me?
We're just happy you're okay.
Delighted.
Terrific.
But why am I lying here in bed?
There was an overload.
It knocked you unconscious.
Hmmm...
That's the end of that project, huh?
Afraid so, pal.
JOE: Funny.
I thought we had a winner.
I did too.
Whoa. Where do you think you're...
You're not going anywhere.
I'm fine.
No. I wanna run a scan
of your brain, various parts of it...
run it through the computer
and then see what effect there was...
on any of your brain waves, if any.
Where's Steve?
OSCAR: He had to leave, Joe.
He's testing an experimental
plane at Edwards.
He'll be back in a couple of days.
Where's Jenny?
She's out of the country.
On an assignment.
Okay, but one of you two guys is
going to have to go jogging with me...
because I hate running alone.
Him.
Me? Let's draw a straw.
Okay. I will. Just as soon
as we finish the scan.
I... I should...
really do this more often.
(LAUGHS)
Rudy, what's happening
to my brain scan readout?
Well, Mal wanted to run it through
a computer a second time.
I'm hoping it'll show me
what's going on inside your head.
If anything is.
Yeah.
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
In the beginning,
God created heaven and the earth.
And the earth was without form and void...
and darkness was upon
the face of the deep.
And the Spirit of God
moved upon the face of the waters.
Go on, Joe, go on.
And God said, Let there be light.
And there was light.
And God saw the light, that it was good;
and God divided the light from the darkness.
And God called the light Day,
and the darkness he called Night.
And God said let there be a
firmament in the midst of the waters...
and let it divide the
waters from the waters.
Joe.
Rudy! It worked! It actually worked.
I know! I know!
RUDY: It's just as I thought.
The accidental overload of the
generators changed your brain waves...
to the Alpha 7 mode permanently!
It's fantastic!
But Rudy, the Alpha 7 level is
the way a person's brain waves are...
when they're in a deep sleep.
For you and me and the rest
of the world, but not for Joe.
He's unique now. That's why
the test worked, Oscar.
His brain is at the Alpha 7 level,
it's completely relaxed...
and maximum learning is possible.
That's incredible!
There's no limit to
what you can learn, Joe!
Everything that man has ever
learned can be put on computer...
and transmitted into your head!
And no one has
that ability but you.
You know what this means?
Sure, the project doesn't
get shelved.
JOE: Nobody loses his job.
Well, that's true, but uh,
think of the other possibilities.
Like what?
Yes, like what, Oscar?
Oh, I wasn't thinking
of anything in particular.
I was just thinking that we oughta find out
all the different kinds of information...
that the computer can give to Joe.
Well, we could run some tests tomorrow,
if you're willing, Joe.
I don't know about you, Oscar...
but I guess it'll be all right
to see if it works again.
RUDY: All set, Joe?
All set.
OSCAR: What is it this time, Rudy?
RUDY: Einstein's Time Dilation Effect
from a tape of a natural lecture...
given by Karl Barnard.
(MULTI-PITCHED TONES)
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
Joe, would you like to tell us about
Einstein's Time Dilation Effect?
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
Ah, yes.
A most fascinating phenomenon.
Let me explain:
Like the familiar mass-energy relationship...
E equals MC squared for the A-bomb...
the time dilation phenomenon is a direct
consequence of the tensor character...
of all physical quantities.
Einstein showed that
the coordinates of space...
merge with time to form
a four-dimensional manifold...
that transforms like a tensor
of the first rank, namely.
RUDY: That is weird.
What's weird?
Joe's voice and expressions are exactly like
the professor who recorded the information.
Do you think he could learn highly
technical skills from the computer?
RUDY: Yes, I do.
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
OSCAR: If he can do that,
can data teach him physical skills too?
RUDY: Yes.
(YELLS)
Okay, okay, okay.
RUDY: And he's learning how
to speak in Chinese, sky dive, you name it.
Is there anything he can't learn.
Anything he can't do?
No.
(KNOCKING)
Come in.
Dr. Wells, I'm afraid.
Afraid what?
Joe's disappeared.
Disappeared?!
MAL: We've looked everywhere.
He's gone.
JENNY(VO):
You're not one of Oscar’s agents.
You're an English teacher.
It's too dangerous.
Hey, Joe, where've you been?
Police, the Highway Patrol,
everybody's been looking all over for you.
Just been thinking.
You feel all right?
Sure.
All the guys on the project were sure
happy that overload didn't wipe you out.
Yeah, me too.
They're all grateful to you for keeping
the project and their jobs alive.
Well, you better tell them
not to get their hopes up too high...
because I'm thinking
about leaving the project.
You're gonna do what?
You're trying to turn me into
one of your undercover agents.
And I don't wanna do it!
Joe, what're you talking about?
(PHONE RINGS)
So far this is only a scientific experiment.
Hold the calls, Rudy.
Whatever they are, just hold them.
Now listen to me. All I wanna...
Hold on. Oscar?
I'm relaying a message from Jenny.
This is Oscar Goldman speaking.
WILKINS: The message reads
as follows, Mr. Goldman...
Stenger waiting for chemist
named Lyle Montrose...
to supervise printing
twenty dollar bills.
Imperative...
you prevent Montrose from
arriving Puerta Azul Thursday noon.
So. Stenger does have
the plates, huh? What else?
That's all there is.
She gave the distress signal
several times and then...
her transmission stopped.
All right. Notify all the security agencies.
Have them pick up this man,
Lyle Montrose as fast as you can.
Right.
What about Jenny?
Something went wrong, Joe.
She sent out a distress signal.
What's happening, Oscar?
It's a long story,
but we'll take care of it.
Now let's get back to you.
What happened to Jenny?
Where is she?
Alright. Last year Jenny
developed a relationship...
with the daughter of a man
called Marius Stenger.
An international dealer of counterfeit bills,
arms, and military secrets.
Where is she?
She's at his house in Puerta Azul.
Anything we'd do to try to help her...
would only put her in more danger
than she is already in.
(PHONE RINGS)
Yes?
Good. I don't want Montrose
to contact anybody. Understand?
Well, it fits.
The New Orleans police
picked up Lyle Montrose...
as he boarded a plane
for Puerto Azul.
How's that going to help Jenny?
It's not, Joe.
You can teach me anything, Rudy?
Yes.
Well...
Teach me to be
a chemist like Montrose...
and teach me enough to get
Jenny out of there alive.
Are you serious?
Of course he's serious.
Lyle Montrose has to be
at Puerta Azul at noon tomorrow.
Montrose is the only one that Stenger
will allow into the compound.
Joe is gonna be at
Puerta Azul tomorrow at noon...
and pass himself off
as Lyle Montrose.
It's the only way.
Even if that were possible, Stenger would
know immediately Joe is not Montrose.
OSCAR: Not necessarily.
Montrose just served a year.
Income tax evasion.
Federal prison.
Stenger operates mostly in Europe.
It's unlikely the two have met.
Unlikely? Are you willing to risk
Joe's life on those odds?
I'll do it.
RUDY: Joe...
Don't worry, Rudy.
I'll try to get Jenny out of this alive.
But that's it.
Then I walk.
You got it.
(DIALING)
Donniger, this is Oscar Goldman.
I want a complete file
on one Lyle Montrose.
I want the names and addresses,
descriptions of all of Montrose's friends.
In and out of prison, on a plane
here in exactly three hours.
I want you to call up the chief chemist of the
United States Government printing office...
and ask him the procedure in the mixing
of inks used in the printing of our money.
Mal, would you feed this
in the scanner.
Right.
RUDY: It's a blue line drawing
of Stenger's entire house and grounds.
We need more time, Oscar.
I wanna double check everything
we've fed into his brain.
As perfect as the computers are,
they do make an occasional mistake.
OSCAR: No time, Rudy.
Joe's got to be on a plane in an hour.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
OSCAR: Joe oughta be at Stenger's
house in a couple of minutes now.
RUDY: How long does he have
to get Jenny out of there?
Oh, I'd say until about dawn.
What? That's not enough time.
Our hands are tied, Rudy.
The local police won't
hold Montrose...
more than 24 hours
without charging him.
They can let him go at any time.
If Joe and Jenny are there
when the real Montrose calls...
they're gonna be dead.
Welcome, Mr. Montrose.
I'm Marius Stenger.
This is my wife, Lily.
Come, come. We have cold drinks
waiting for us in the library. Come.
JOE: What I want is fried eggs, bacon,
potatoes and a pot of hot coffee.
STENGER: Lunch will be in a half hour.
We'll have it together and we can
visit with my wife and my daughter.
I didn't come here to socialize.
Where's the press set up?
It's in the cellar.
I'll sleep there and take
my meals there, too.
As you wish, Mr. Montrose.
Well, let's get on with it.
Yes, yes. Mark?
MAN: I don't know why, Felipe.
Stenger wants extra guards around.
I tell you his voice sounds different
than it did on the telephone.
He's younger than I thought...
but it will be easy to tell when
he tries to print the money.
Well, ever since Jenny turned out
to be an agent, I don't trust anyone.
Lily, make some phone calls...
and get some reliable information
on Montrose so that we can be sure.
Very well. But what about Jenny?
Oh, she'll keep.
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (VO): The cellar of Stenger’s house is
protected by an electric alarm system...
that releases sleeping gas
that is temporary but quick acting...
with a 30 second time delay
between gas release and alarm.
There are two rooms in the cellar.
One is the printing room.
The other is where Jenny is being held.
Pretty good counterfeit plates,
don't you think?
These aren't counterfeit,
they're from the United States Mint.
Very good, Mr. Montrose.
Very good.
(CHUCKLES)
Everything I need is here...
except my cot, blankets
and my bacon and eggs.
How soon do you intend
to mix these inks?
I'll start testing the inks now.
If they prove satisfactory,
I'll make a test run in the morning.
Excellent. Excellent.
Hello.
Ah. Mr. Montrose,
this is my daughter, Lorraine.
Welcome to our humble abode.
I thought you were bringing
Dr. Lopez for Jenny.
STENGER: Well, the doctor
had an emergency.
But he sent some medicine.
I gave it to her and she's resting.
Why are you keeping her down
here with her room locked?
Well, that's to keep the servants out.
Dr. Lopez made it very clear
that she's still highly contagious.
Oh.
Have you come to print
the travel folders?
Now, now come, Lorraine.
We're keeping Mr.
Montrose from his work.
Come, dear.
You think fast, Mr. Montrose.
I'd want those eggs over easy.
Three of them.
Very well.
Now, uh, Mark here will see that you don't
run away with those twenty dollar plates.
And he'll get you
whatever else you need.
Hmm?
Mr. Montrose.
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (VO): To dissolve steel,
three compounds are needed.
Two acids and a base...
plus a gel fixative to adhere to the steel.
First mix equal quantities
of sulfuric acid and...
(COMPUTER TAPE STOP)
LILY: Oh, George,
we have a problem here.
Marius thinks this man Montrose
could be an imposter...
and I think you're the
only one that could help us.
Now. Yes.
Yes, I've got that.
(WHISTLING)
What about Mr. Montrose's
relatives and, uh, habits?
And the time he spent in prison.
Did you hear that, George?
(WHISTLING)
Anything else?
Thank you very much, George.
Listen, I want to take a walk.
Stretch my legs for a few minutes.
I guess it's all right.
(WHISTLING)
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
(ROMANTIC MUSIC)
Joe.
Jenny.
Joe, why did they send you?
I'm passing myself off
as Lyle Montrose.
How?
Rudy's experiment. It works.
I hope.
Rudy's experiment.
They drugged me, Joe.
I know, Jenny.
Let's make sure that our Mr. Montrose
is the real Mr. Montrose.
Come.
(SIZZLING)
(DOOR OPENS)
(LOUD FOOTSTEPS)
Listen, if anybody asks you,
you don't know me.
STENGER: Now tell me,
what were you doing here?
I was going for a walk.
I heard this woman groaning.
I thought she was in pain.
So, I opened the door.
You're a liar.
Nothing on him.
Jenny, dear.
Who is this man?
I asked you, who is this man?
I don't know.
Hey, Mark, I want the
alarm activated at once.
I want a padlock put on the door,
and I want the key.
Yes, sir.
You. Come here.
In the other room.
Joe.
Who is she?
Never you mind.
Sit down!
Now I'm gonna ask
you some questions...
and you better have the right
answers, or else you're dead.
Your sister, what's her name?
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (VO): Lyle Montrose has
two sisters Doris and Margaret.
I don't know where you
get your information, but I...
I've got two sisters,
Margaret and Doris.
Now why don't you tell me
about your family, Mr. Stenger?
Marius...
Now the judge that sentenced
you to prison? What was his name?
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (VO): was sentenced to
one year in prison by U. S. Circuit Court...
(STATIC)
(TAPE SLOWS DOWN, STATIC)
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
Well, Mr. Montrose?
I don't remember.
You don't remember?
I've tried to forget everything.
His name, face, everything.
I've known too many men
who've been in prison...
Mr. Montrose
or whatever your name is.
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (vo).- Judge...
STENGER: Every one of them remembered
the name of the judge who sent them there.
Every one of them.
You're not Montrose. Mark!
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (vo).- Judge...
Clarence D. Yamell.
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
I think it was Yarnell.
JOE: Yes, that was it.
Clarence D. Yarnell.
What's the next question?
Marius...
I think we've asked Mr.
Montrose enough questions.
Now you understand this.
You print the money.
You don't leave this room
without going with one of my men.
You understand that?
Do you hear that, Mark?
Yes, sir.
OSCAR (VO): Remember,
after you've destroyed the plates...
you and Jenny must be out
of Stenger’s house by 6:00 am.
(MARK COUGHS)
(SIZZLING)
(MARK COUGHS)
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (VO): All alarm systems
are activated by the door latches.
Therefore, you must open the door
without disengaging the latch.
(TAPE STOPS)
(SIZZLING)
(MARK COUGHS)
(COUGHING CONTINUES)
(SIZZLING)
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (VO): The circuitry of the alarm
system in the Stenger house...
is a Model 985.
Remove the wire
from terminal number 14...
and attach one end of by-pass cable.
(GUARD COUGHS)
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (VO): After you've attached by-pass
cable to terminal number 14...
detach wire from terminal number 8.
In doing so, the gas
release will be activated.
You then have 30 seconds to attach
the other end of by-pass cable...
in order to shut off the gas,
and prevent the alarm from being activated.
(GAS HISSES)
(GUARD COUGHS)
(GAS STOPS)
(JENNY GASPS)
What?
How did you get in here,
and how are we gonna get out of here?
The rest is gonna be
a piece of cake.
See what I mean?
MARK: Mr. Stenger, they've escaped.
You idiot! Sound the alarm!
They must have gone to the helicopter.
(ALARM SOUNDS)
Joe, look out!
We've got a problem.
Yeah, I know... they're gaining on us.
(GUNSHOTS)
JOE: Rudy and Oscar are
going to hear about this...
if we can get it down.
They only gave me the computer tape on
how to get one of these things in the air!
Not how to land it.
(BOTH LAUGH)
JENNY: You're kidding.
JOE: What's so funny?
JENNY: Don't worry about it.
I'll tell you what to do.
I've been flying these for years.
Jenny.
Well, I told you so.
It was written all over your face
that night at Stenger's house.
What?
Oh, come on, Joe.
You love it.
It's fun.
Jenny.
OSCAR: that we're just
going to next week.
STEVE: Yeah.
OSCAR: Joe!
STEVE: Hey, Joe.
It's good to see you, Steve.
You look a lot better than
the last time I saw you.
Oscar tells me
you did a great job.
Well, you know how
Oscar exaggerates.
Exaggerates? I don't exaggerate.
You were stupendous, Joe.
That right, Rudy?
Uh, Oscar, remember his career
as an undercover agent is over.
He said he'd do it once to get
Jenny out of a jam, and that was it.
Right, Joe.
That's what I said.
But I changed my mind.
What?
Joe, do you know what
you're letting yourself in for?
No.
But I've got to tell you, Steve...
when I was in Stenger's house,
pretending to be Montrose...
I knew all along that they could pull the
rug out from under me at any minute.
But it was exciting.
It was fun.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Joe, you're a welcome
addition to our team.
Thank you.
Welcome aboard.
The same old sales pitch.
Huh? What's that? What's that, Steve?
Oscar...
wherever you want to send me,
whatever you want me to do, that's all right.
Joe, I think you and I
better have a little talk.
Talk? What kinda talk?
I want to give him a few pointers
on how to handle you, Oscar.
How to handle me?
What do you mean, handling me?
There's one thing you gotta
remember about Oscar.
It isn't pleasant,
but it is the way Oscar is.
(END THEME MUSIC)
It looks good at NASA One.
B- 52 >PILOT:
Roger.
BCS Arm switch is on.
FLIGHT COM:
Okay, Victor.
B-52 PILOT:
Landing Rocket Arm switch is on.
Here comes the throttle.
Circuit breakers in.
STEVE:
We have separation.
B-52 PILOT:
Inboard and outboards are on.
I'm comin' forward with the side stick.
FLIGHT COM:
Looks good.
PILOT:
Ah, Roger.
STEVE:
I've got a blowout in damper three.
SR-71 PILOT:
Get your pitch to zero.
STEVE:
Pitch is out. I can't hold altitude!
B-52 PILOT: Correction. Alpha Hold is oil“.
Threat selector is emergency.
STEVE: Flight Com. I can't hold it!
She's breaking up! She's breaking...
ANNOUNCER:
Steve Austin. Astronaut.
A man barely alive.
We can rebuild him.
We have the technology.
We can make him
better than he was.
Better, stronger, faster.
(MAIN TITLE THEME)
What're you guys pumping
into my brain this time?
Greek?
Or how to repair a xylophone?
Whatever it is, get it right.
It's our last chance, Joe.
Yeah, I know.
Alright. We're all set.
Don't worry, Rudy.
Good luck, Joe.
Thanks, Steve.
This is where all the money went.
This is the Digital Alpha Technique
Application equipment.
The monitoring equipment for
the electromagnetic generators.
That's the computer.
And, most importantly,
this is the control console.
The electronic module that converts
the information on the tapes...
from computer language
into brain language.
Yeah.
WOMAN: Joe, it's too dangerous.
It's too dangerous.
WOMAN: Knock, knock.
Anybody home?
MAN: Sure. The rent's cheap
and the view is great.
What have I missed? Fill me in.
Whales going north,
ships going south.
You missed a dynamite party.
That bad, huh?
Awful.
Mostly 'cause you weren't
there to make me laugh.
Well, I can't do everything.
Somebody's got to count the whales.
That's true.
It'll all be over in a few hours, Jenny.
Joe...
Are you sure you're one
of Oscar's secret agents?
Yes. I'm very good at it, actually.
Well, you must be getting rusty...
because what you're thinking
is written all over your face.
Don't do it, Joe.
I can't bear to watch
them experiment on you.
Oh, Jenny.
Look, when Oscar Goldman shows
up just tell him to forget it.
There's no way to transfer information
from a computer to a human brain.
Oscar's going to shut down this project
if we can't prove that it works this time.
Jenny, I wanna do it.
I want it to work.
Joe, you're not one of Oscar's agents.
You're an English teacher.
Yeah, and bored enough
to risk being a volunteer.
Jenny, I was the first kid
on my block to chew tobacco.
To sleep all night in a cemetery.
To get my nose busted in a street fight.
Yeah. Well, it's too dangerous.
JENNY: Too dangerous.
It's too dangerous.
RUDY: Over here we have the tape bank.
Now we've transmitted
portions of these tapes...
from the computer directly
into Joe Patton's brain.
Has he learned that way?
I mean, has he actually
retained the information?
A little of it.
We can't seem to get him
to remember all of it.
Just... just fragments.
That's not good enough, Rudy.
Oscar, this could be the most efficient
teaching tool ever dreamed of.
Anyone could learn,
whatever he wanted. Just...
To fly a jet.
To speak in Chinese.
Just in a matter of hours.
But Rudy, it's got to work.
If it doesn't work,
despite the potential...
I'm gonna have to shelve it.
I know that.
MAL: We're ready, Dr. Wells.
Okay, Mal. Thanks.
(ELECTRIC BUZZING)
This time we'll try
a new wavelength. Alpha 7.
It goes a little deeper into the frontal lobe
than the other waves we've used.
What information are you
transmitting into Joe's brain?
Mal? What is it?
Book of Genesis, chapter one,
Old Testament.
Pre-transmission takes 44 seconds.
You ready, Joe?
JOE: Okay, Rudy.
(MACHINES WHIRR)
(MULTI-PITCHED TONES)
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
(LOUD TONE)
It's an overload!
Joe! Can you hear me?! Joe!
I can't kill the generators!
The switches have fused!
Joe! Can you hear me?! Joe!
RUDY: Joe!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(COMPUTER SOUND SLOWS, STOPS)
Oh, my God!
What have we done to him?
(STEADY BEEP)
Jenny, don't worry.
We'll take good care of him.
Look, I don't wanna leave Joe.
Not now, Oscar. Please.
Jenny, I warned you about
getting involved with Joe.
I saw it coming, and I warned you.
Yeah, I know. But I've made
a decision about this.
Telegram arrived for you at your
New Orleans address from Stenger.
He's invited you to his
home at Puerta Azul.
Forget it, Oscar.
Find somebody else.
Jenny, it's taken us two years
to establish our cover with Stenger.
We've got to find out whether he's gotten
hold of those twenty dollar plates...
that were stolen from
Treasury last month.
Jenny.
Okay, okay.
I just wanna say goodbye to him.
I'll say good-bye to him.
He's got enough to worry about.
This is the last time, Oscar.
The last time.
He's just regaining consciousness,
thank God.
Why are you two grinning at me?
We're just happy you're okay.
Delighted.
Terrific.
But why am I lying here in bed?
There was an overload.
It knocked you unconscious.
Hmmm...
That's the end of that project, huh?
Afraid so, pal.
JOE: Funny.
I thought we had a winner.
I did too.
Whoa. Where do you think you're...
You're not going anywhere.
I'm fine.
No. I wanna run a scan
of your brain, various parts of it...
run it through the computer
and then see what effect there was...
on any of your brain waves, if any.
Where's Steve?
OSCAR: He had to leave, Joe.
He's testing an experimental
plane at Edwards.
He'll be back in a couple of days.
Where's Jenny?
She's out of the country.
On an assignment.
Okay, but one of you two guys is
going to have to go jogging with me...
because I hate running alone.
Him.
Me? Let's draw a straw.
Okay. I will. Just as soon
as we finish the scan.
I... I should...
really do this more often.
(LAUGHS)
Rudy, what's happening
to my brain scan readout?
Well, Mal wanted to run it through
a computer a second time.
I'm hoping it'll show me
what's going on inside your head.
If anything is.
Yeah.
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
In the beginning,
God created heaven and the earth.
And the earth was without form and void...
and darkness was upon
the face of the deep.
And the Spirit of God
moved upon the face of the waters.
Go on, Joe, go on.
And God said, Let there be light.
And there was light.
And God saw the light, that it was good;
and God divided the light from the darkness.
And God called the light Day,
and the darkness he called Night.
And God said let there be a
firmament in the midst of the waters...
and let it divide the
waters from the waters.
Joe.
Rudy! It worked! It actually worked.
I know! I know!
RUDY: It's just as I thought.
The accidental overload of the
generators changed your brain waves...
to the Alpha 7 mode permanently!
It's fantastic!
But Rudy, the Alpha 7 level is
the way a person's brain waves are...
when they're in a deep sleep.
For you and me and the rest
of the world, but not for Joe.
He's unique now. That's why
the test worked, Oscar.
His brain is at the Alpha 7 level,
it's completely relaxed...
and maximum learning is possible.
That's incredible!
There's no limit to
what you can learn, Joe!
Everything that man has ever
learned can be put on computer...
and transmitted into your head!
And no one has
that ability but you.
You know what this means?
Sure, the project doesn't
get shelved.
JOE: Nobody loses his job.
Well, that's true, but uh,
think of the other possibilities.
Like what?
Yes, like what, Oscar?
Oh, I wasn't thinking
of anything in particular.
I was just thinking that we oughta find out
all the different kinds of information...
that the computer can give to Joe.
Well, we could run some tests tomorrow,
if you're willing, Joe.
I don't know about you, Oscar...
but I guess it'll be all right
to see if it works again.
RUDY: All set, Joe?
All set.
OSCAR: What is it this time, Rudy?
RUDY: Einstein's Time Dilation Effect
from a tape of a natural lecture...
given by Karl Barnard.
(MULTI-PITCHED TONES)
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
Joe, would you like to tell us about
Einstein's Time Dilation Effect?
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
Ah, yes.
A most fascinating phenomenon.
Let me explain:
Like the familiar mass-energy relationship...
E equals MC squared for the A-bomb...
the time dilation phenomenon is a direct
consequence of the tensor character...
of all physical quantities.
Einstein showed that
the coordinates of space...
merge with time to form
a four-dimensional manifold...
that transforms like a tensor
of the first rank, namely.
RUDY: That is weird.
What's weird?
Joe's voice and expressions are exactly like
the professor who recorded the information.
Do you think he could learn highly
technical skills from the computer?
RUDY: Yes, I do.
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
OSCAR: If he can do that,
can data teach him physical skills too?
RUDY: Yes.
(YELLS)
Okay, okay, okay.
RUDY: And he's learning how
to speak in Chinese, sky dive, you name it.
Is there anything he can't learn.
Anything he can't do?
No.
(KNOCKING)
Come in.
Dr. Wells, I'm afraid.
Afraid what?
Joe's disappeared.
Disappeared?!
MAL: We've looked everywhere.
He's gone.
JENNY(VO):
You're not one of Oscar’s agents.
You're an English teacher.
It's too dangerous.
Hey, Joe, where've you been?
Police, the Highway Patrol,
everybody's been looking all over for you.
Just been thinking.
You feel all right?
Sure.
All the guys on the project were sure
happy that overload didn't wipe you out.
Yeah, me too.
They're all grateful to you for keeping
the project and their jobs alive.
Well, you better tell them
not to get their hopes up too high...
because I'm thinking
about leaving the project.
You're gonna do what?
You're trying to turn me into
one of your undercover agents.
And I don't wanna do it!
Joe, what're you talking about?
(PHONE RINGS)
So far this is only a scientific experiment.
Hold the calls, Rudy.
Whatever they are, just hold them.
Now listen to me. All I wanna...
Hold on. Oscar?
I'm relaying a message from Jenny.
This is Oscar Goldman speaking.
WILKINS: The message reads
as follows, Mr. Goldman...
Stenger waiting for chemist
named Lyle Montrose...
to supervise printing
twenty dollar bills.
Imperative...
you prevent Montrose from
arriving Puerta Azul Thursday noon.
So. Stenger does have
the plates, huh? What else?
That's all there is.
She gave the distress signal
several times and then...
her transmission stopped.
All right. Notify all the security agencies.
Have them pick up this man,
Lyle Montrose as fast as you can.
Right.
What about Jenny?
Something went wrong, Joe.
She sent out a distress signal.
What's happening, Oscar?
It's a long story,
but we'll take care of it.
Now let's get back to you.
What happened to Jenny?
Where is she?
Alright. Last year Jenny
developed a relationship...
with the daughter of a man
called Marius Stenger.
An international dealer of counterfeit bills,
arms, and military secrets.
Where is she?
She's at his house in Puerta Azul.
Anything we'd do to try to help her...
would only put her in more danger
than she is already in.
(PHONE RINGS)
Yes?
Good. I don't want Montrose
to contact anybody. Understand?
Well, it fits.
The New Orleans police
picked up Lyle Montrose...
as he boarded a plane
for Puerto Azul.
How's that going to help Jenny?
It's not, Joe.
You can teach me anything, Rudy?
Yes.
Well...
Teach me to be
a chemist like Montrose...
and teach me enough to get
Jenny out of there alive.
Are you serious?
Of course he's serious.
Lyle Montrose has to be
at Puerta Azul at noon tomorrow.
Montrose is the only one that Stenger
will allow into the compound.
Joe is gonna be at
Puerta Azul tomorrow at noon...
and pass himself off
as Lyle Montrose.
It's the only way.
Even if that were possible, Stenger would
know immediately Joe is not Montrose.
OSCAR: Not necessarily.
Montrose just served a year.
Income tax evasion.
Federal prison.
Stenger operates mostly in Europe.
It's unlikely the two have met.
Unlikely? Are you willing to risk
Joe's life on those odds?
I'll do it.
RUDY: Joe...
Don't worry, Rudy.
I'll try to get Jenny out of this alive.
But that's it.
Then I walk.
You got it.
(DIALING)
Donniger, this is Oscar Goldman.
I want a complete file
on one Lyle Montrose.
I want the names and addresses,
descriptions of all of Montrose's friends.
In and out of prison, on a plane
here in exactly three hours.
I want you to call up the chief chemist of the
United States Government printing office...
and ask him the procedure in the mixing
of inks used in the printing of our money.
Mal, would you feed this
in the scanner.
Right.
RUDY: It's a blue line drawing
of Stenger's entire house and grounds.
We need more time, Oscar.
I wanna double check everything
we've fed into his brain.
As perfect as the computers are,
they do make an occasional mistake.
OSCAR: No time, Rudy.
Joe's got to be on a plane in an hour.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
OSCAR: Joe oughta be at Stenger's
house in a couple of minutes now.
RUDY: How long does he have
to get Jenny out of there?
Oh, I'd say until about dawn.
What? That's not enough time.
Our hands are tied, Rudy.
The local police won't
hold Montrose...
more than 24 hours
without charging him.
They can let him go at any time.
If Joe and Jenny are there
when the real Montrose calls...
they're gonna be dead.
Welcome, Mr. Montrose.
I'm Marius Stenger.
This is my wife, Lily.
Come, come. We have cold drinks
waiting for us in the library. Come.
JOE: What I want is fried eggs, bacon,
potatoes and a pot of hot coffee.
STENGER: Lunch will be in a half hour.
We'll have it together and we can
visit with my wife and my daughter.
I didn't come here to socialize.
Where's the press set up?
It's in the cellar.
I'll sleep there and take
my meals there, too.
As you wish, Mr. Montrose.
Well, let's get on with it.
Yes, yes. Mark?
MAN: I don't know why, Felipe.
Stenger wants extra guards around.
I tell you his voice sounds different
than it did on the telephone.
He's younger than I thought...
but it will be easy to tell when
he tries to print the money.
Well, ever since Jenny turned out
to be an agent, I don't trust anyone.
Lily, make some phone calls...
and get some reliable information
on Montrose so that we can be sure.
Very well. But what about Jenny?
Oh, she'll keep.
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (VO): The cellar of Stenger’s house is
protected by an electric alarm system...
that releases sleeping gas
that is temporary but quick acting...
with a 30 second time delay
between gas release and alarm.
There are two rooms in the cellar.
One is the printing room.
The other is where Jenny is being held.
Pretty good counterfeit plates,
don't you think?
These aren't counterfeit,
they're from the United States Mint.
Very good, Mr. Montrose.
Very good.
(CHUCKLES)
Everything I need is here...
except my cot, blankets
and my bacon and eggs.
How soon do you intend
to mix these inks?
I'll start testing the inks now.
If they prove satisfactory,
I'll make a test run in the morning.
Excellent. Excellent.
Hello.
Ah. Mr. Montrose,
this is my daughter, Lorraine.
Welcome to our humble abode.
I thought you were bringing
Dr. Lopez for Jenny.
STENGER: Well, the doctor
had an emergency.
But he sent some medicine.
I gave it to her and she's resting.
Why are you keeping her down
here with her room locked?
Well, that's to keep the servants out.
Dr. Lopez made it very clear
that she's still highly contagious.
Oh.
Have you come to print
the travel folders?
Now, now come, Lorraine.
We're keeping Mr.
Montrose from his work.
Come, dear.
You think fast, Mr. Montrose.
I'd want those eggs over easy.
Three of them.
Very well.
Now, uh, Mark here will see that you don't
run away with those twenty dollar plates.
And he'll get you
whatever else you need.
Hmm?
Mr. Montrose.
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (VO): To dissolve steel,
three compounds are needed.
Two acids and a base...
plus a gel fixative to adhere to the steel.
First mix equal quantities
of sulfuric acid and...
(COMPUTER TAPE STOP)
LILY: Oh, George,
we have a problem here.
Marius thinks this man Montrose
could be an imposter...
and I think you're the
only one that could help us.
Now. Yes.
Yes, I've got that.
(WHISTLING)
What about Mr. Montrose's
relatives and, uh, habits?
And the time he spent in prison.
Did you hear that, George?
(WHISTLING)
Anything else?
Thank you very much, George.
Listen, I want to take a walk.
Stretch my legs for a few minutes.
I guess it's all right.
(WHISTLING)
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
(ROMANTIC MUSIC)
Joe.
Jenny.
Joe, why did they send you?
I'm passing myself off
as Lyle Montrose.
How?
Rudy's experiment. It works.
I hope.
Rudy's experiment.
They drugged me, Joe.
I know, Jenny.
Let's make sure that our Mr. Montrose
is the real Mr. Montrose.
Come.
(SIZZLING)
(DOOR OPENS)
(LOUD FOOTSTEPS)
Listen, if anybody asks you,
you don't know me.
STENGER: Now tell me,
what were you doing here?
I was going for a walk.
I heard this woman groaning.
I thought she was in pain.
So, I opened the door.
You're a liar.
Nothing on him.
Jenny, dear.
Who is this man?
I asked you, who is this man?
I don't know.
Hey, Mark, I want the
alarm activated at once.
I want a padlock put on the door,
and I want the key.
Yes, sir.
You. Come here.
In the other room.
Joe.
Who is she?
Never you mind.
Sit down!
Now I'm gonna ask
you some questions...
and you better have the right
answers, or else you're dead.
Your sister, what's her name?
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (VO): Lyle Montrose has
two sisters Doris and Margaret.
I don't know where you
get your information, but I...
I've got two sisters,
Margaret and Doris.
Now why don't you tell me
about your family, Mr. Stenger?
Marius...
Now the judge that sentenced
you to prison? What was his name?
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (VO): was sentenced to
one year in prison by U. S. Circuit Court...
(STATIC)
(TAPE SLOWS DOWN, STATIC)
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
Well, Mr. Montrose?
I don't remember.
You don't remember?
I've tried to forget everything.
His name, face, everything.
I've known too many men
who've been in prison...
Mr. Montrose
or whatever your name is.
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (vo).- Judge...
STENGER: Every one of them remembered
the name of the judge who sent them there.
Every one of them.
You're not Montrose. Mark!
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (vo).- Judge...
Clarence D. Yamell.
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
I think it was Yarnell.
JOE: Yes, that was it.
Clarence D. Yarnell.
What's the next question?
Marius...
I think we've asked Mr.
Montrose enough questions.
Now you understand this.
You print the money.
You don't leave this room
without going with one of my men.
You understand that?
Do you hear that, Mark?
Yes, sir.
OSCAR (VO): Remember,
after you've destroyed the plates...
you and Jenny must be out
of Stenger’s house by 6:00 am.
(MARK COUGHS)
(SIZZLING)
(MARK COUGHS)
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (VO): All alarm systems
are activated by the door latches.
Therefore, you must open the door
without disengaging the latch.
(TAPE STOPS)
(SIZZLING)
(MARK COUGHS)
(COUGHING CONTINUES)
(SIZZLING)
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (VO): The circuitry of the alarm
system in the Stenger house...
is a Model 985.
Remove the wire
from terminal number 14...
and attach one end of by-pass cable.
(GUARD COUGHS)
(COMPUTER TAPE FAST PLAYBACK)
JOE (VO): After you've attached by-pass
cable to terminal number 14...
detach wire from terminal number 8.
In doing so, the gas
release will be activated.
You then have 30 seconds to attach
the other end of by-pass cable...
in order to shut off the gas,
and prevent the alarm from being activated.
(GAS HISSES)
(GUARD COUGHS)
(GAS STOPS)
(JENNY GASPS)
What?
How did you get in here,
and how are we gonna get out of here?
The rest is gonna be
a piece of cake.
See what I mean?
MARK: Mr. Stenger, they've escaped.
You idiot! Sound the alarm!
They must have gone to the helicopter.
(ALARM SOUNDS)
Joe, look out!
We've got a problem.
Yeah, I know... they're gaining on us.
(GUNSHOTS)
JOE: Rudy and Oscar are
going to hear about this...
if we can get it down.
They only gave me the computer tape on
how to get one of these things in the air!
Not how to land it.
(BOTH LAUGH)
JENNY: You're kidding.
JOE: What's so funny?
JENNY: Don't worry about it.
I'll tell you what to do.
I've been flying these for years.
Jenny.
Well, I told you so.
It was written all over your face
that night at Stenger's house.
What?
Oh, come on, Joe.
You love it.
It's fun.
Jenny.
OSCAR: that we're just
going to next week.
STEVE: Yeah.
OSCAR: Joe!
STEVE: Hey, Joe.
It's good to see you, Steve.
You look a lot better than
the last time I saw you.
Oscar tells me
you did a great job.
Well, you know how
Oscar exaggerates.
Exaggerates? I don't exaggerate.
You were stupendous, Joe.
That right, Rudy?
Uh, Oscar, remember his career
as an undercover agent is over.
He said he'd do it once to get
Jenny out of a jam, and that was it.
Right, Joe.
That's what I said.
But I changed my mind.
What?
Joe, do you know what
you're letting yourself in for?
No.
But I've got to tell you, Steve...
when I was in Stenger's house,
pretending to be Montrose...
I knew all along that they could pull the
rug out from under me at any minute.
But it was exciting.
It was fun.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Joe, you're a welcome
addition to our team.
Thank you.
Welcome aboard.
The same old sales pitch.
Huh? What's that? What's that, Steve?
Oscar...
wherever you want to send me,
whatever you want me to do, that's all right.
Joe, I think you and I
better have a little talk.
Talk? What kinda talk?
I want to give him a few pointers
on how to handle you, Oscar.
How to handle me?
What do you mean, handling me?
There's one thing you gotta
remember about Oscar.
It isn't pleasant,
but it is the way Oscar is.
(END THEME MUSIC)