The Six Million Dollar Man (1974–1978): Season 3, Episode 8 - One of Our Running Backs Is Missing - full transcript
Running back Larry Bronco is kidnapped on the day of an important game, but his good friend Steve Austin uses all his bionic powers to make sure Bronco makes it to the game in time.
FLIGHT COM:
It looks good at NASA One.
B- 52 >PILOT:
Roger.
BCS Arm switch is on.
FLIGHT COM:
Okay, Victor.
B-52 PILOT:
Landing Rocket Arm switch is on.
Here comes the throttle.
Circuit breakers in.
STEVE:
We have separation.
B-52 PILOT:
Inboard and outboards are on.
I'm comin' forward with the side stick.
FLIGHT COM:
Looks good.
PILOT:
Ah, Roger.
STEVE:
I've got a blowout in damper three.
SR-71 PILOT:
Get your pitch to zero.
STEVE:
Pitch is out. I can't hold altitude!
B-52 PILOT: Correction. Alpha Hold is oil“.
Threat selector is emergency.
STEVE: Flight Com. I can't hold it!
She's breaking up! She's breaking...
ANNOUNCER:
Steve Austin. Astronaut.
A man barely alive.
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.
We have the technology.
We have the capability
to make the world's first bionic man.
Steve Austin will be that man.
Better than he was before.
Better, stronger, faster.
(MAIN TITLE THEME)
QUARTERBACK
Red-42, set! Hike!
(REFEREE WHISTLE BLOWS)
(CAR HORN HONKS)
(FOOTBALL CADENCE)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(CLAPPING)
PLAYERS:
- Opposite!
- Opposite.
Opposite right!
(GRUNTS)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(GRUNTS)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Not bad... not bad.
Nuts, Larry, I missed my block,
we shoulda had another five yards.
Hey, we'll get it.
We'll get it, relax.
All right, right formation,
22 right.
All right. Let's go.
QUARTERBACK:
Purple! On 4, 98! Set! Hut!
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Guess who.
Pam Bronco.
Oh... you're no fun.
You musta seen me coming.
I've got an eye for pretty ladies.
I didn't know you were in town
with Larry.
Oh, I tag along once in a while
to keep him out of trouble...
and make sure
he wears clean socks.
PAM:
You in on business?
STEVE: Oh, well, Oscar is, I just tagged
along to catch the football game.
Say, can I take you and Larry
to dinner tonight?
Aww, I'm going to my brother's farm
outside of town...
but Larry's staying in,
he'll eat enough for both of us.
Oh yeah, I remember.
Remember the three pizzas
we ordered in Miami last time?
You and I got one slice apiece.
That's my Lar.
Hey, does he know you're here yet?
No.
C'mon.
44, set. Hut one... hut two!
(ROARS)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Are you okay, Lar?
Yeah, yeah, Bobby.
Good tackle.
How are your knees doing?
Ah, they're a little shaky, but they
only gotta hold up for one more day.
Bronco!
See yah.
Hey, I heard they pink-slipped ya, Bobby.
Yeah, the doctor said
the knees have had enough.
You got enough money?
You gonna make it okay?
Oh, yeah, I always keep an
option play up my sleeve.
Ay!
You've been working good today, Bronco.
Hey, Larry!
Hey, Lar!
Why don't you take five?
Thanks, Coach.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Hey, how you doing, old buddy?
Hey, Larry.
You know we came here
to see some football today.
When're you gonna stop dancing
with each other and start hitting?
Gee, Steve,
we're doing the best we can.
I know it's not nearly as tough
as when you and I played in high school.
Well, tell those guys to shape up, huh?
Sure will. I tell you, if you want to
see some really tough action...
you oughta stop by the house
and see what Pam puts me through.
Yeah? Like the off-tackle,
slant to the garbage cans...
and empty the trash every night, huh?
You got it.
Let me tell ya', if he dropped the football
as many times as he drops the trash bags...
he'd be playing third string
for the Campfire Girls.
Well, I don't know... the Campfire Girls
are pretty picky.
At least I'm out there truckin' instead
of soaking up some cushy government job.
I know.
We're all proud of you, Larry.
You know, Steve, it's too bad...
you never really developed
a really good throwing arm.
You mighta made the grade.
Bronco!
Your five minutes are up.
Oh, that slave driver.
Hey, I'll see ya' after the scrimmage.
Yeah, try not to hurt yourself, huh?
Hey, Larry?
Yeah.
Can I test my arm?
You think you can throw it this far?
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(THUD)
Argh!
(COUGHS)
(GASPING)
Not bad.
Wow!
How'd you do that?
Play a little touch football
on weekends.
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
Number 39, right, Rick?
Right.
TATASHORE: Hey, wasn't he most valuable
player in Super Bowl Seven?
Yeah, and he's gonna be worth a fortune
to us, just as soon as we knock him over.
Yeah.
How's the ankle holding up?
Oh, it's fine.
Where are you parked?
Oh, a couple of blocks away.
Had a big lunch, thought I better hoof it on
over here to keep the gut down, you know?
That's probably the most exercise
you've had in a month.
You're very funny, Larry.
Brother Rick said everything's set.
Who are you?
I'm one of the guys on your team.
Hey, who's the guy with Bronco?
Friend of his named Austin.
I better tail him.
Oh, Rick said to meet him
out at his place.
I'll catch you later.
What are you doing to keep fit?
Ah, you think I'm looking flabby?
I'm not talking about how you look.
I'm asking what kind of shape you're in.
What's under your skin?
Ah, you'd be surprised.
When was the last time
you had a good run?
Well, um...
See?
You can't even remember.
Come on!
I'll race you to the car.
(70S POP MUSIC)
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
(BREATHING HEAW)
See?
I told you I can run you
under the ground.
Yeah, you did.
But you sure are breathing hard, Larry.
Yeah.
I was gonna suggest we go in here
and bowl a few...
but I wouldn't want to completely
wear you out.
You sure are a glutton for punishment,
aren't you?
Yeah?
There's two things in this world
I can whomp your tail at.
One of them is football
and the other is bowling.
I'll take my chances.
All right.
(BREATHING HEAW)
Hey! (CHUCKLES)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
What took you so long?
Relax, we're in great shape.
Wait 'till you see the guys.
There's Stolar.
Ailes.
Harnell.
Rosen.
Kibbie.
Fellows, this is my kid brother, Bobby.
Hey, Bobby.
Bobboy.
Go on and make yourselves at home,
there's plenty of beer.
All right. All right.
Rick, have you gone nuts?
We never talked about five guys.
Take it easy. We'll need them for lookout
and money delivery...
and to grab Bronco to begin with.
He's not exactly Tinkerbell,
you know.
Yeah, yeah, but five guys?
Six. You've already got one
trailing Bronco.
Listen, Bobby, I know this is your idea...
but I've had more experience
in the business, right?
Yeah, but...
You gotta trust me.
This is a hand-picked crew.
All guys I met in prison,
and they're beautiful.
Well, what's it gonna cost us?
Peanuts, Bobby, considering what
we're gonna make off of Bronco.
Okay. I guess you know
what you're doing.
Atta boy.
Now let's get rolling.
(CAN CRUNCHES)
It's in there! (LAUGHS)
Oh, my...
Hate to say I told you so.
Yeah, well the game's not over yet, pal.
Come on, Steve,
this is the last frame.
You just don't want to admit it
when you've been outclassed, that's all.
Just roll the ball, wise guy,
roll the ball.
Okay, big boy, you asked for it.
But I tell you what.
This is going to hurt me much
more than it does you.
It's in there!
(LAUGHS)
Really sorry about that, Steve.
You gonna miss that one
and take it easy...
Yeah, yeah, I know the whole
hard-luck story, Larry...
but I tell you I can still beat you
if I strike out these last three frames.
Sure you can, old buddy,
sure you can.
That's one.
Everybody gets lucky once in a while,
even you.
Yeah, Larry, yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
Well, that's two, pal.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't drop it on your foot.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I break your concentration?
No, Larry, no.
Wow.
Don't let your dress blow up.
Larry, what do you say we go double
or nothing on the last ball, huh?
Oh, Steve, I don't want to rob your
hard-earned ten bucks.
But if you're gonna put it up there,
I'll take it.
You're on.
Alright.
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Old pins?! Will you get off of that bologna?
Now lay it on me straight.
Alright, alright.
You want the truth?
Yeah, I'd like the truth.
Okay.
I set it up with the manager in there
as a gag on you.
With the manager as a gag?
Yeah, but I still made the strike,
you owe me ten bucks. Pay up.
Yeah, you made the strike.
Come on, come on.
Yeah, here's your
crummy ten bucks.
It's a pleasure
doing business with you.
You just won't admit when you've been
outclassed, will you, Larry?
LARRY: Oh, no.
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
LARRY:
Pam tell you we bought a ranch?
STEVE:
No kiddin', where?
Out in Ohio, close to my hometown.
Who's gonna run it for you
while you're running the football?
Well, I think my brother Joe will run it.
At least until I retire from football
and go out there and help him out a little bit.
Oh, in your declining years, huh?
Like when you're 34, 35.
Well, you can't stay young forever.
Tell you what, in the meantime...
it's gonna be a great place
to stay in shape in the off season.
Plan on doing a little calf roping,
maybe even a little bulldogging.
Hey, I'd like to try that.
Anytime, buddy.
Out there we got a bull that would
fit you perfectly.
It's about half blind.
Bronco's headed this way.
Austin's still with him,
so we'll have to separate them.
You know what to do.
Right.
I'll be waiting on the roof.
LARRY: What was the last game
we played together?
That would be the championship game
our senior year.
Oh, yeah, I remember that.
The night before we went over
about midnight...
hung all these signs
in front of Stowe High School...
about how bad we're gonna beat 'em?
Yeah, you stood on my shoulders to hang
the biggest one right over their entrance.
They got so riled up,
they beat us 60 to nothing.
I'll never forget that.
There's one lesson I learned out of that.
Never count your victories
before the gun sounds.
Yeah, I learned a lesson,
too, Larry.
Never let you stand
on my shoulders again.
Boy, I was so sore the next day
I could hardly play.
Steve, you could hardly play
before I stood on your shoulders.
Yeah, but I always had the
prettiest cheerleader.
Aw...
(CHUCKLES)
Wonder how Pittsburgh made out.
Oh, you just want to check
Harris' yardage, don't you?
That's exactly right.
WOMAN:
Phone call for Colonel Steve Austin.
I wonder who that could be.
I'll catch it on the house phone.
I'll be right out.
Okay. I gotta give Pam
a call anyway.
I'm in 720.
Don't get lost.
Right.
Colonel Austin here.
Hello.
Hello?
(ELEVATOR WHIRS)
Stolar, you read me?
Yeah, right.
Austin should be in the elevator
about now.
I'll let him get up a couple of floors.
(FUSEBOX DOOR CLOSES)
(WHISTLES)
Hi, this is Mr. Bronco in 720,
I'd like to place a call.
Yes, ma'am.
Number is 547-2791.
(DOOR CREAKING)
(DOOR CREAKING)
Still busy, huh?
Operator,
could you do me a favor?
Give me a call back
when it's clear.
Thank you.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Come on in, Steve,
it's unlocked!
Hey, what's going on?
Hey, Bronco!
Hey!
(TRANQUILIZER GUN FIRES)
Rosen, go get the car.
(DOOR CREAKING)
(METAL CREAKING)
(METAL CREAKING)
(METAL SQUEAKING, CREAKING)
You better let them know
this elevator's busted, huh?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Lar!
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
(BANGING DOOR)
(PHONE CONTINUES TO RING)
(METAL CREAKING)
(METAL CRUNCHING)
Larry?
Hey, Lar?
(PHONE CONTINUES TO RING)
Hello?
Steve, is that you?
Yeah, Pam, it's me.
Well, it's good to hear your voice again,
but where's Larry?
They said he was calling me.
I don't know.
Yeah, he was, but I guess
he just stepped out for a minute.
Why would he call me
if he was going out?
I don't know. '... I'll get him to call you
back in a little bit, huh?
Okay.
Oh, listen, Steve...
since I'm not in town, I'm counting on you
to keep him out of trouble, alright?
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(CHIMES)
PAM: Alright?
Steve.
Steve.
Yeah, I'll clothe best I can, Pam.
I'll see you at the game, hear?
PAM:
Okay. See you then.
Bye-bye.
Think about it a minute, Steve.
If Larry was kidnapped, why haven't we
received any ransom calls?
Answer me that.
Look, what if they didn't want
anybody to know he was gone?
That doesn't make any sense.
Listen, pal, I'm late.
I've got an appointment and I've got to go.
Now listen, what if they just wanted to
keep him out of tomorrow night's game?
So his team would lose?
Look, Larry's good,
but he's not that good.
Of course he's not, but his absence
will affect the game's outcome.
Not who wins or loses,
but the point spread.
Heavy gambling is done on the number
of points the winning team wins by.
With Larry out of the line-up, the odds
and the point spread will change, right?
Well, I suppose it would.
Well, of course it would.
Look, if I was a gambler and
I kidnapped Larry Bronco...
and nobody knew it but me, I'd have a big
edge betting against the point spread.
Oscar, the kidnapper
could make a fortune.
I've got to find out if there are any
heavy bets going down on that angle.
Steve, I think you're overreacting.
Get a bookie and see what happens.
I've got to meet General Creek
right now.
That can wait!
Now, Oscar, who's a good bookie?
What?
A bookie?
Oscar, you were a public prosecutor
in this town, you must know a good bookie.
Me? Me know a good bookie?
Are you crazy?
Oscar.
Well, um...
I'll tell you, Mr. Austin,
Goldie is one beautiful guy.
Goldie?
Yeah. He's a good guy,
don't you know?
I'll never forget that last time
he was prosecuting me...
and my mom was in the hospital, sick.
George, never mind about that.
Serious, you know.
I couldn't make bail to be with her,
so Goldie bailed me out.
With his own dough!
You mean he was prosecuting you
and he bailed you out?
Yeah. Goldie.
Some kind of a guy, huh?
Yeah, he sure is.
Look, George, we got a problem.
Oh, what is it?
Name it.
I'm trying to find out who's betting
unusually heavy...
against the point spread
on Larry Bronco's team tomorrow night.
Oh.
Well, that'll take a little time,
but we'll find out.
General Creek is expecting me.
I've got to go, Steve.
Right.
I'll see you later.
Thanks for the help, Goldie!
Hello, Horwitz?
George Yokum.
Yeah, listen, are you getting
any unusual action...
against the point spread
on Bronco's team?
Yeah, yeah, you know,
Larry Bronco.
(JINGLING SOUND EFFECT)
Yeah, that's right, Bill.
Against Bronco's team.
Huh?
Oh, yeah?
Hey, great!
What do you got?
There's a bookiejoint called
Doyle's Den.
Said a guy by the name of Stolar's been
laying some pretty heavy bets...
in the last half hour
against Bronco's point spread.
He's due to make one more drop
in about a half an hour.
If you hurry, you might be
able to make it.
Thanks, George.
Thanks.
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(CHIMES)
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(THUD)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
MAN:
Pretty good.
(INDISTINCT DIALOGUE)
MAN: You're improving a little,
but not much.
I'll wipe you.
LARRY: (SINGING BOOZILY)
J‘ Dee dee dee dah dee dah dee J‘
(MEN LAUGHING)
LARRY: (singing)
I Oh to be a football hero! I
J‘ Oh, the beautiful girls. I
MAN:
You lucky devil, you.
LARRY: J‘ Football hero... I
J‘ Someday you'll come along I
(LARRY SINGS, HUMS)
(METAL CREAKING)
(BOLTS POPPING)
(SINGING, HUMMING)
J‘ You gotta be a football hero I
I All pretty girls I
(BOLTS POPPING)
J‘ Who's that knocking at my door? I
(BOLTS POPPING, METAL CREAKING)
(METAL CREAKING)
(LARRY SINGING)
Larry!
I All the pretty girls I
Larry!
(SLURRING)
STEVE:
Larry! Larry!
J‘ You gotta be a football hero I
J‘ You get along with all the pretty... I
Larry.
Larry, Larry!
Hey, hey, hey.
MAN IN OTHER ROOM:
Two aces.
Hey, Steve-o buddy!
Ssh!
Hey, I'll buy you a drink!
It looks like somebody already did.
A barrel full.
Yeah, zonk is kind of Bronc,
and Bronc a zonk.
You can say that again.
Ah, Steve!
That's cold!
(CHAINS JINGLING)
(METAL CREAKING)
Good grief, Steve!
How are you feel?
I think I'm sobering up.
You know, I always suspected there
were a few guys like you around.
Yeah? Where?
Playing for Pittsburgh.
Mean Joe Greene, man.
One time he grabbed me right by the...
Larry, ssh!
Yeah, yeah, okay.
(MEN LAUGHING, TALKING)
Sore loser!
Get out of here.
Come on, Stolar.
(DOOR CLOSING)
We'll go out the same way
I came in. Let's go.
Alright, I don't like this place anyways.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
You ain't goin' nowhere, chump.
Keep moving!
Alright, hold it!
How'd you get these chains off?
What? You think you're dealing
with a couple of lightweights?
Hey, you know something, Bronco?
You're probably gonna die laughing.
These lousy football pros ain't so tough.
Hold it, Austin!
Buddy?
I thought you were gonna keep him drugged
until we let him go after the game?
Now they can recognize us!
His friend here messed that up.
What are you doing hanging out
with a bunch of guys like this?
What can I tell you, Bronco.
I gotta try to score once
before the gun sounds.
This is the only way I can do it.
Not all of us get the breaks
like you, Bronco.
The big fame, the big money.
The big talent.
(SCOFFS)
All I know is me and my friends
here are gonna cash in big.
We put heavy money
on the point spread...
and after tonight, I'll trade in my
beer cans for bottles of champagne.
And I guess I won't be needing
this anymore.
(GRUNTS)
No, he hasn't shown up yet,
but when he does, let me t...
Hello, Coach.
Oscar, is Larry with Steve?
I was just about to ask you
if Steve was with Larry.
Nobody's seen them
since last night.
That's right. Larry didn't show up
for the final briefing...
and the game starts at 6:00.
I'm really gonna burn his tail,
let me tell you.
Do you think something's
happened to them?
No, you know what a cut up
Bronc can be.
But when he does show up,
I'm really gonna jump on him.
He's probably out having a beer
with Austin somewhere.
Don't worry.
He'll show up.
Hey, Steve?
Now that these guys can recognize us,
I don't think they're gonna turn us loose.
How right you are.
Maybe we ought to make a plan.
I'm working on it.
Tell me something.
If those legs of yours are anything like that
arm, why don't you make a run for it?
Look, I'm not leaving without you.
Aw, listen...
Besides, I can't outrun a bullet.
Well, now that's a consideration.
You bet.
I need a beer.
Hey Tatashore?
Yeah.
You know what you said
about them hotshot pros...
like Bronco was really true.
They ain't so almighty tough.
That's right, with all that padding, they don't
even know what it's like to get hit hard.
It's not the padding that makes it easy.
It's the line of guys eating dirt
in front of him.
Yeah.
That's right.
Now you want to talk
about a rough team...
we had one prison that'd make Bronco and
his crew look like a bunch of little old ladies.
That's right.
I think I found a hole in their offense.
Well, you gotta be kidding.
Prison teams are like a sewing circle
compared to Larry's crowd.
Oh, man, get serious, huh?
Well, you get serious.
Bronco and a couple of good men could
wipe a field up with you guys.
Especially some over-the-hill
loser like La Port.
You better watch your mouth,
Austin.
What's the matter, La Port?
You afraid of the truth?
That Bronco here is a tougher player
than you ever thought about being?
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Truth hurts, doesn't it, La Port?
Maybe I ought to show you
who's tough.
Maybe we ought to have us a little
scrimmage right here and now.
Bobby, come on.
What are you trying to do?
Get us killed early?
Relax.
RICK:
Cool it, Bobby!
You keep out of this.
STEVE:
Better do as he says, La Port.
You and your boys start knocking
heads with Bronco here...
you're likely to get your tail kicked.
That's it, Austin!
That's it!
We're gonna do it right here and now.
RICK:
Will you calm down!
Listen, Rick, this is my ballgame.
Put a couple of guys on the sideline with a
gun and the rest of us will take them on.
Alright! Alright!
Alright!
Why, Bobby?
I'm gonna make superstar Bronco
and that smart mouth friend of his...
pay me back for all those years
I was on the suicide squad.
You got it, Bobby.
We're gonna kill 'em.
Yeah. That too.
Steve, you're my buddy and I love you...
but you're out of your
cotton-picking mind.
You haven't heard my
game plan yet.
I'm not sure I want to.
(UPLIFTING MUSIC)
This will be one sideline along here.
And we'll make the road
the other sideline.
Alright. Harnell,
you and me will go over there.
Rosen, down there.
Tatashore, up there and blast them
if they try to split.
Aw, come on, Rick!
I want to play!
You'll get your chance.
Starting lineup is me,
Kibbie, Stolar and Ailes.
Ha! Four against two.
(SCOFFS) Listen to him,
chickening out already.
You're gonna find out what it's like
to eat dirt, hot dog.
But I tell you what. We'll give you a break
and let you receive.
Yeah, turkey, you gonna get plucked.
(CHUCKLES)
Let's go.
(IMITATING TURKEY)
Aw, this is another fine mess
you've gotten me into.
Hey, relax, alright,
we're gonna bust out of here.
Sure we are! All we gotta do is
cream those four guys on the field...
then take care of their friend
with the rifle.
Look, you want to try or
spend the rest of your life dead?
Hey, we got a choice?
Nope.
Oh.
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
What do you say we use this hill
up here for one goal...
and that red truck down there
for the other?
Pick whatever you want,
you'll never get near it.
That truck, Larry,
is our ticket to freedom.
Might as well be the moon.
Yeah, well, I've been to the moon.
It's not as far as you think, pal.
Let's go.
Let's really stick it to them, alright?
Alright!
Ready?
Let's go. Let's go.
I want that Bronco.
Come on, baby!
Let's rip 'em!
Here's your kickoff.
(MILITARY MUSIC)
Let's go!
I got it! I got it!
Let's go!
The Bronco! Get him!
Get him, Bobby!
(MILITARY MUSIC)
Get him!
Get him, Stolar!
Come on!
Come on, Kibbie, get him!
Five?
Alright, guys.
Yeah, yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
Okay.
Surprise!
I guess we couldn't expect you to
run your time fair, La Port.
It's about time the superstar there
get a few hard knocks.
Way to go, Tatashore.
Stay in the lineup.
Alright!
Yeah, sure, five against two?
That's right, here!
We're gonna drive you into the ground!
First down!
Alright! Let's go!
You're doing great, Larry!
You're doing great.
Yeah, thanks.
STOLAR:
Alright! Let's get 'em again.
You still think we can get to that truck?
Yeah.
Tell you, our field position is still
not good enough to make a break.
We gotta do two things.
What's that?
We gotta make a little more yardage...
suck one more of those guys
into the game.
Oh, terrific.
Now you can do it.
I'll rile them up.
Tell you what.
Run a sideline pattern on two, okay?
Alright.
Go get 'em.
(MILITARY MUSIC)
STEVE: Set!
Hut one!
Hut two!
(GROANS)
Steve! Over here!
Hold it, Bronco!
(GROANS)
What's the matter with you guys?
Aw, shut up, you missed him yourself.
(MILITARY MUSIC)
Whoo hoo!
Stolar, you should have
blocked the pass!
Well, you think you could
have done any better?
Naw, La Port, he talks a better game
than he plays.
Hey, La Port, why don't you
make it six to two?
Then you might have
a better chance, huh?
I oughta just do that to teach you's
a lesson.
You couldn't teach us anything.
Hold it!
Okay. Okay, hot dog!
Harnell! Get in here!
2nd Down!
Let's go!
Let's get that turkey!
Come on! Stick him, now!
Stick him.
Atta boy, Larry.
You're doing great.
These idiots are really getting to me.
I'm gonna chew somebody up.
Okay, same play...
Tatashore, Ailes, you rush Austin.
The rest of us is gonna
stomp on Bronco.
You ready?
Make as much noise as you can.
On two, okay?
You just watch me.
Hey, Lar?
You'll need this.
Yeah.
(MILITARY MUSIC)
Set! Hut one! Hut two!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(ROARS)
Fight!
Get your smelly foot...
Get off me!
Let's go. Let's go!
Okay, okay, huddle up!
Hold 'em up!
Better not get out of bounds.
Just gotta get the football.
That's it!
This is the last play those two candy
suckers are gonna run... ever.
Yeah! C'mon, guys,
let's really rip 'em! Huh?
Atta boy, Lar, I think we got them.
We?
Oh, yeah, sure,
all we gotta do is tip-toe through.
Would you mind telling me
the game plan?
All right, now's the time
we make our break.
See the guard on
the right sideline?
Yeah.
I want you to run a fly pattern
right over him.
Right over him?
Right over him.
Aw, listen...
You can do it, Larry.
On two, let's go.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Ten. Hut one!
Hut two!
(ROARS)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Here, Steve! Steve!
Steve! Steve!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(GRUNTS)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Run for the truck!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
What about their car?!
Get the truck started!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
What a kicker you'd make!
Just drive the van, will you?
You've got a game to play.
Why you rotten, stinking...
My champagne!
(CROWD CHATTER)
(ORGAN PLAYING)
ANNOUNCER:
Tonight's paid attendance was 57, 423.
Don't forget, season tickets are still
available at the northwest box office.
The next home game will be
two weeks from today.
Don't forget to come out and
support the local team.
Thank you for coming tonight.
(ORGAN PLAYING)
Oh, Bronc?
Yes, sir.
Great game, fella.
Thanks, Coach.
You're fined fifty bucks.
Wait a minute!
If you ever come in late again...
I'm gonna hang you up
and use you for a tackle dummy.
Coach! It wasn't my fault!
No excuses.
Get that?
Yes, sir.
STEVE: Hey, Lar!
Hey, Steve.
Great game, Larry.
Just beautiful.
Thanks, Coach.
First time I've ever been on
two winning teams in the same day.
Yeah.
The Gipper'd be proud of you.
Yeah.
Hey, what about the dirty dozen?
Well, the police
sent 'em to the showers.
Well, that's good.
Pam's waiting with Oscar
in front of the stadium.
All right.
Hey, uh, just one thing, Steve.
I appreciate what you did for me today
and all, but...
how about filling me in on this bionic stuff?
Wait a minute, Larry,
you know! can't do that. It's classified.
Well, classified is classified...
but you do admit that you have it...
and it has something to do with you
being so strong, right?
Right.
In that case,
we got us a problem, fella.
We do?
You owe me ten bucks.
Now wait a minute.
How do you figure?
You remember that gag back at the
bowling alley with the fake pins...
and the manager and the whole routine?
Yeah, but...
Well, that was a bionic hustle!
You owe me ten bucks.
Get it up.
Come on.
Come on, ten bucks.
Get it up.
On ten bucks.
Can we take a credit card?
Aw, Steve.
(CHIMES)
(END THEME MUSIC)
It looks good at NASA One.
B- 52 >PILOT:
Roger.
BCS Arm switch is on.
FLIGHT COM:
Okay, Victor.
B-52 PILOT:
Landing Rocket Arm switch is on.
Here comes the throttle.
Circuit breakers in.
STEVE:
We have separation.
B-52 PILOT:
Inboard and outboards are on.
I'm comin' forward with the side stick.
FLIGHT COM:
Looks good.
PILOT:
Ah, Roger.
STEVE:
I've got a blowout in damper three.
SR-71 PILOT:
Get your pitch to zero.
STEVE:
Pitch is out. I can't hold altitude!
B-52 PILOT: Correction. Alpha Hold is oil“.
Threat selector is emergency.
STEVE: Flight Com. I can't hold it!
She's breaking up! She's breaking...
ANNOUNCER:
Steve Austin. Astronaut.
A man barely alive.
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.
We have the technology.
We have the capability
to make the world's first bionic man.
Steve Austin will be that man.
Better than he was before.
Better, stronger, faster.
(MAIN TITLE THEME)
QUARTERBACK
Red-42, set! Hike!
(REFEREE WHISTLE BLOWS)
(CAR HORN HONKS)
(FOOTBALL CADENCE)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(CLAPPING)
PLAYERS:
- Opposite!
- Opposite.
Opposite right!
(GRUNTS)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(GRUNTS)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Not bad... not bad.
Nuts, Larry, I missed my block,
we shoulda had another five yards.
Hey, we'll get it.
We'll get it, relax.
All right, right formation,
22 right.
All right. Let's go.
QUARTERBACK:
Purple! On 4, 98! Set! Hut!
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Guess who.
Pam Bronco.
Oh... you're no fun.
You musta seen me coming.
I've got an eye for pretty ladies.
I didn't know you were in town
with Larry.
Oh, I tag along once in a while
to keep him out of trouble...
and make sure
he wears clean socks.
PAM:
You in on business?
STEVE: Oh, well, Oscar is, I just tagged
along to catch the football game.
Say, can I take you and Larry
to dinner tonight?
Aww, I'm going to my brother's farm
outside of town...
but Larry's staying in,
he'll eat enough for both of us.
Oh yeah, I remember.
Remember the three pizzas
we ordered in Miami last time?
You and I got one slice apiece.
That's my Lar.
Hey, does he know you're here yet?
No.
C'mon.
44, set. Hut one... hut two!
(ROARS)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Are you okay, Lar?
Yeah, yeah, Bobby.
Good tackle.
How are your knees doing?
Ah, they're a little shaky, but they
only gotta hold up for one more day.
Bronco!
See yah.
Hey, I heard they pink-slipped ya, Bobby.
Yeah, the doctor said
the knees have had enough.
You got enough money?
You gonna make it okay?
Oh, yeah, I always keep an
option play up my sleeve.
Ay!
You've been working good today, Bronco.
Hey, Larry!
Hey, Lar!
Why don't you take five?
Thanks, Coach.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Hey, how you doing, old buddy?
Hey, Larry.
You know we came here
to see some football today.
When're you gonna stop dancing
with each other and start hitting?
Gee, Steve,
we're doing the best we can.
I know it's not nearly as tough
as when you and I played in high school.
Well, tell those guys to shape up, huh?
Sure will. I tell you, if you want to
see some really tough action...
you oughta stop by the house
and see what Pam puts me through.
Yeah? Like the off-tackle,
slant to the garbage cans...
and empty the trash every night, huh?
You got it.
Let me tell ya', if he dropped the football
as many times as he drops the trash bags...
he'd be playing third string
for the Campfire Girls.
Well, I don't know... the Campfire Girls
are pretty picky.
At least I'm out there truckin' instead
of soaking up some cushy government job.
I know.
We're all proud of you, Larry.
You know, Steve, it's too bad...
you never really developed
a really good throwing arm.
You mighta made the grade.
Bronco!
Your five minutes are up.
Oh, that slave driver.
Hey, I'll see ya' after the scrimmage.
Yeah, try not to hurt yourself, huh?
Hey, Larry?
Yeah.
Can I test my arm?
You think you can throw it this far?
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(THUD)
Argh!
(COUGHS)
(GASPING)
Not bad.
Wow!
How'd you do that?
Play a little touch football
on weekends.
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
Number 39, right, Rick?
Right.
TATASHORE: Hey, wasn't he most valuable
player in Super Bowl Seven?
Yeah, and he's gonna be worth a fortune
to us, just as soon as we knock him over.
Yeah.
How's the ankle holding up?
Oh, it's fine.
Where are you parked?
Oh, a couple of blocks away.
Had a big lunch, thought I better hoof it on
over here to keep the gut down, you know?
That's probably the most exercise
you've had in a month.
You're very funny, Larry.
Brother Rick said everything's set.
Who are you?
I'm one of the guys on your team.
Hey, who's the guy with Bronco?
Friend of his named Austin.
I better tail him.
Oh, Rick said to meet him
out at his place.
I'll catch you later.
What are you doing to keep fit?
Ah, you think I'm looking flabby?
I'm not talking about how you look.
I'm asking what kind of shape you're in.
What's under your skin?
Ah, you'd be surprised.
When was the last time
you had a good run?
Well, um...
See?
You can't even remember.
Come on!
I'll race you to the car.
(70S POP MUSIC)
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
(BREATHING HEAW)
See?
I told you I can run you
under the ground.
Yeah, you did.
But you sure are breathing hard, Larry.
Yeah.
I was gonna suggest we go in here
and bowl a few...
but I wouldn't want to completely
wear you out.
You sure are a glutton for punishment,
aren't you?
Yeah?
There's two things in this world
I can whomp your tail at.
One of them is football
and the other is bowling.
I'll take my chances.
All right.
(BREATHING HEAW)
Hey! (CHUCKLES)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
What took you so long?
Relax, we're in great shape.
Wait 'till you see the guys.
There's Stolar.
Ailes.
Harnell.
Rosen.
Kibbie.
Fellows, this is my kid brother, Bobby.
Hey, Bobby.
Bobboy.
Go on and make yourselves at home,
there's plenty of beer.
All right. All right.
Rick, have you gone nuts?
We never talked about five guys.
Take it easy. We'll need them for lookout
and money delivery...
and to grab Bronco to begin with.
He's not exactly Tinkerbell,
you know.
Yeah, yeah, but five guys?
Six. You've already got one
trailing Bronco.
Listen, Bobby, I know this is your idea...
but I've had more experience
in the business, right?
Yeah, but...
You gotta trust me.
This is a hand-picked crew.
All guys I met in prison,
and they're beautiful.
Well, what's it gonna cost us?
Peanuts, Bobby, considering what
we're gonna make off of Bronco.
Okay. I guess you know
what you're doing.
Atta boy.
Now let's get rolling.
(CAN CRUNCHES)
It's in there! (LAUGHS)
Oh, my...
Hate to say I told you so.
Yeah, well the game's not over yet, pal.
Come on, Steve,
this is the last frame.
You just don't want to admit it
when you've been outclassed, that's all.
Just roll the ball, wise guy,
roll the ball.
Okay, big boy, you asked for it.
But I tell you what.
This is going to hurt me much
more than it does you.
It's in there!
(LAUGHS)
Really sorry about that, Steve.
You gonna miss that one
and take it easy...
Yeah, yeah, I know the whole
hard-luck story, Larry...
but I tell you I can still beat you
if I strike out these last three frames.
Sure you can, old buddy,
sure you can.
That's one.
Everybody gets lucky once in a while,
even you.
Yeah, Larry, yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
Well, that's two, pal.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't drop it on your foot.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I break your concentration?
No, Larry, no.
Wow.
Don't let your dress blow up.
Larry, what do you say we go double
or nothing on the last ball, huh?
Oh, Steve, I don't want to rob your
hard-earned ten bucks.
But if you're gonna put it up there,
I'll take it.
You're on.
Alright.
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Old pins?! Will you get off of that bologna?
Now lay it on me straight.
Alright, alright.
You want the truth?
Yeah, I'd like the truth.
Okay.
I set it up with the manager in there
as a gag on you.
With the manager as a gag?
Yeah, but I still made the strike,
you owe me ten bucks. Pay up.
Yeah, you made the strike.
Come on, come on.
Yeah, here's your
crummy ten bucks.
It's a pleasure
doing business with you.
You just won't admit when you've been
outclassed, will you, Larry?
LARRY: Oh, no.
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
LARRY:
Pam tell you we bought a ranch?
STEVE:
No kiddin', where?
Out in Ohio, close to my hometown.
Who's gonna run it for you
while you're running the football?
Well, I think my brother Joe will run it.
At least until I retire from football
and go out there and help him out a little bit.
Oh, in your declining years, huh?
Like when you're 34, 35.
Well, you can't stay young forever.
Tell you what, in the meantime...
it's gonna be a great place
to stay in shape in the off season.
Plan on doing a little calf roping,
maybe even a little bulldogging.
Hey, I'd like to try that.
Anytime, buddy.
Out there we got a bull that would
fit you perfectly.
It's about half blind.
Bronco's headed this way.
Austin's still with him,
so we'll have to separate them.
You know what to do.
Right.
I'll be waiting on the roof.
LARRY: What was the last game
we played together?
That would be the championship game
our senior year.
Oh, yeah, I remember that.
The night before we went over
about midnight...
hung all these signs
in front of Stowe High School...
about how bad we're gonna beat 'em?
Yeah, you stood on my shoulders to hang
the biggest one right over their entrance.
They got so riled up,
they beat us 60 to nothing.
I'll never forget that.
There's one lesson I learned out of that.
Never count your victories
before the gun sounds.
Yeah, I learned a lesson,
too, Larry.
Never let you stand
on my shoulders again.
Boy, I was so sore the next day
I could hardly play.
Steve, you could hardly play
before I stood on your shoulders.
Yeah, but I always had the
prettiest cheerleader.
Aw...
(CHUCKLES)
Wonder how Pittsburgh made out.
Oh, you just want to check
Harris' yardage, don't you?
That's exactly right.
WOMAN:
Phone call for Colonel Steve Austin.
I wonder who that could be.
I'll catch it on the house phone.
I'll be right out.
Okay. I gotta give Pam
a call anyway.
I'm in 720.
Don't get lost.
Right.
Colonel Austin here.
Hello.
Hello?
(ELEVATOR WHIRS)
Stolar, you read me?
Yeah, right.
Austin should be in the elevator
about now.
I'll let him get up a couple of floors.
(FUSEBOX DOOR CLOSES)
(WHISTLES)
Hi, this is Mr. Bronco in 720,
I'd like to place a call.
Yes, ma'am.
Number is 547-2791.
(DOOR CREAKING)
(DOOR CREAKING)
Still busy, huh?
Operator,
could you do me a favor?
Give me a call back
when it's clear.
Thank you.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Come on in, Steve,
it's unlocked!
Hey, what's going on?
Hey, Bronco!
Hey!
(TRANQUILIZER GUN FIRES)
Rosen, go get the car.
(DOOR CREAKING)
(METAL CREAKING)
(METAL CREAKING)
(METAL SQUEAKING, CREAKING)
You better let them know
this elevator's busted, huh?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Lar!
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
(BANGING DOOR)
(PHONE CONTINUES TO RING)
(METAL CREAKING)
(METAL CRUNCHING)
Larry?
Hey, Lar?
(PHONE CONTINUES TO RING)
Hello?
Steve, is that you?
Yeah, Pam, it's me.
Well, it's good to hear your voice again,
but where's Larry?
They said he was calling me.
I don't know.
Yeah, he was, but I guess
he just stepped out for a minute.
Why would he call me
if he was going out?
I don't know. '... I'll get him to call you
back in a little bit, huh?
Okay.
Oh, listen, Steve...
since I'm not in town, I'm counting on you
to keep him out of trouble, alright?
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(CHIMES)
PAM: Alright?
Steve.
Steve.
Yeah, I'll clothe best I can, Pam.
I'll see you at the game, hear?
PAM:
Okay. See you then.
Bye-bye.
Think about it a minute, Steve.
If Larry was kidnapped, why haven't we
received any ransom calls?
Answer me that.
Look, what if they didn't want
anybody to know he was gone?
That doesn't make any sense.
Listen, pal, I'm late.
I've got an appointment and I've got to go.
Now listen, what if they just wanted to
keep him out of tomorrow night's game?
So his team would lose?
Look, Larry's good,
but he's not that good.
Of course he's not, but his absence
will affect the game's outcome.
Not who wins or loses,
but the point spread.
Heavy gambling is done on the number
of points the winning team wins by.
With Larry out of the line-up, the odds
and the point spread will change, right?
Well, I suppose it would.
Well, of course it would.
Look, if I was a gambler and
I kidnapped Larry Bronco...
and nobody knew it but me, I'd have a big
edge betting against the point spread.
Oscar, the kidnapper
could make a fortune.
I've got to find out if there are any
heavy bets going down on that angle.
Steve, I think you're overreacting.
Get a bookie and see what happens.
I've got to meet General Creek
right now.
That can wait!
Now, Oscar, who's a good bookie?
What?
A bookie?
Oscar, you were a public prosecutor
in this town, you must know a good bookie.
Me? Me know a good bookie?
Are you crazy?
Oscar.
Well, um...
I'll tell you, Mr. Austin,
Goldie is one beautiful guy.
Goldie?
Yeah. He's a good guy,
don't you know?
I'll never forget that last time
he was prosecuting me...
and my mom was in the hospital, sick.
George, never mind about that.
Serious, you know.
I couldn't make bail to be with her,
so Goldie bailed me out.
With his own dough!
You mean he was prosecuting you
and he bailed you out?
Yeah. Goldie.
Some kind of a guy, huh?
Yeah, he sure is.
Look, George, we got a problem.
Oh, what is it?
Name it.
I'm trying to find out who's betting
unusually heavy...
against the point spread
on Larry Bronco's team tomorrow night.
Oh.
Well, that'll take a little time,
but we'll find out.
General Creek is expecting me.
I've got to go, Steve.
Right.
I'll see you later.
Thanks for the help, Goldie!
Hello, Horwitz?
George Yokum.
Yeah, listen, are you getting
any unusual action...
against the point spread
on Bronco's team?
Yeah, yeah, you know,
Larry Bronco.
(JINGLING SOUND EFFECT)
Yeah, that's right, Bill.
Against Bronco's team.
Huh?
Oh, yeah?
Hey, great!
What do you got?
There's a bookiejoint called
Doyle's Den.
Said a guy by the name of Stolar's been
laying some pretty heavy bets...
in the last half hour
against Bronco's point spread.
He's due to make one more drop
in about a half an hour.
If you hurry, you might be
able to make it.
Thanks, George.
Thanks.
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(CHIMES)
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(THUD)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
MAN:
Pretty good.
(INDISTINCT DIALOGUE)
MAN: You're improving a little,
but not much.
I'll wipe you.
LARRY: (SINGING BOOZILY)
J‘ Dee dee dee dah dee dah dee J‘
(MEN LAUGHING)
LARRY: (singing)
I Oh to be a football hero! I
J‘ Oh, the beautiful girls. I
MAN:
You lucky devil, you.
LARRY: J‘ Football hero... I
J‘ Someday you'll come along I
(LARRY SINGS, HUMS)
(METAL CREAKING)
(BOLTS POPPING)
(SINGING, HUMMING)
J‘ You gotta be a football hero I
I All pretty girls I
(BOLTS POPPING)
J‘ Who's that knocking at my door? I
(BOLTS POPPING, METAL CREAKING)
(METAL CREAKING)
(LARRY SINGING)
Larry!
I All the pretty girls I
Larry!
(SLURRING)
STEVE:
Larry! Larry!
J‘ You gotta be a football hero I
J‘ You get along with all the pretty... I
Larry.
Larry, Larry!
Hey, hey, hey.
MAN IN OTHER ROOM:
Two aces.
Hey, Steve-o buddy!
Ssh!
Hey, I'll buy you a drink!
It looks like somebody already did.
A barrel full.
Yeah, zonk is kind of Bronc,
and Bronc a zonk.
You can say that again.
Ah, Steve!
That's cold!
(CHAINS JINGLING)
(METAL CREAKING)
Good grief, Steve!
How are you feel?
I think I'm sobering up.
You know, I always suspected there
were a few guys like you around.
Yeah? Where?
Playing for Pittsburgh.
Mean Joe Greene, man.
One time he grabbed me right by the...
Larry, ssh!
Yeah, yeah, okay.
(MEN LAUGHING, TALKING)
Sore loser!
Get out of here.
Come on, Stolar.
(DOOR CLOSING)
We'll go out the same way
I came in. Let's go.
Alright, I don't like this place anyways.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
You ain't goin' nowhere, chump.
Keep moving!
Alright, hold it!
How'd you get these chains off?
What? You think you're dealing
with a couple of lightweights?
Hey, you know something, Bronco?
You're probably gonna die laughing.
These lousy football pros ain't so tough.
Hold it, Austin!
Buddy?
I thought you were gonna keep him drugged
until we let him go after the game?
Now they can recognize us!
His friend here messed that up.
What are you doing hanging out
with a bunch of guys like this?
What can I tell you, Bronco.
I gotta try to score once
before the gun sounds.
This is the only way I can do it.
Not all of us get the breaks
like you, Bronco.
The big fame, the big money.
The big talent.
(SCOFFS)
All I know is me and my friends
here are gonna cash in big.
We put heavy money
on the point spread...
and after tonight, I'll trade in my
beer cans for bottles of champagne.
And I guess I won't be needing
this anymore.
(GRUNTS)
No, he hasn't shown up yet,
but when he does, let me t...
Hello, Coach.
Oscar, is Larry with Steve?
I was just about to ask you
if Steve was with Larry.
Nobody's seen them
since last night.
That's right. Larry didn't show up
for the final briefing...
and the game starts at 6:00.
I'm really gonna burn his tail,
let me tell you.
Do you think something's
happened to them?
No, you know what a cut up
Bronc can be.
But when he does show up,
I'm really gonna jump on him.
He's probably out having a beer
with Austin somewhere.
Don't worry.
He'll show up.
Hey, Steve?
Now that these guys can recognize us,
I don't think they're gonna turn us loose.
How right you are.
Maybe we ought to make a plan.
I'm working on it.
Tell me something.
If those legs of yours are anything like that
arm, why don't you make a run for it?
Look, I'm not leaving without you.
Aw, listen...
Besides, I can't outrun a bullet.
Well, now that's a consideration.
You bet.
I need a beer.
Hey Tatashore?
Yeah.
You know what you said
about them hotshot pros...
like Bronco was really true.
They ain't so almighty tough.
That's right, with all that padding, they don't
even know what it's like to get hit hard.
It's not the padding that makes it easy.
It's the line of guys eating dirt
in front of him.
Yeah.
That's right.
Now you want to talk
about a rough team...
we had one prison that'd make Bronco and
his crew look like a bunch of little old ladies.
That's right.
I think I found a hole in their offense.
Well, you gotta be kidding.
Prison teams are like a sewing circle
compared to Larry's crowd.
Oh, man, get serious, huh?
Well, you get serious.
Bronco and a couple of good men could
wipe a field up with you guys.
Especially some over-the-hill
loser like La Port.
You better watch your mouth,
Austin.
What's the matter, La Port?
You afraid of the truth?
That Bronco here is a tougher player
than you ever thought about being?
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Truth hurts, doesn't it, La Port?
Maybe I ought to show you
who's tough.
Maybe we ought to have us a little
scrimmage right here and now.
Bobby, come on.
What are you trying to do?
Get us killed early?
Relax.
RICK:
Cool it, Bobby!
You keep out of this.
STEVE:
Better do as he says, La Port.
You and your boys start knocking
heads with Bronco here...
you're likely to get your tail kicked.
That's it, Austin!
That's it!
We're gonna do it right here and now.
RICK:
Will you calm down!
Listen, Rick, this is my ballgame.
Put a couple of guys on the sideline with a
gun and the rest of us will take them on.
Alright! Alright!
Alright!
Why, Bobby?
I'm gonna make superstar Bronco
and that smart mouth friend of his...
pay me back for all those years
I was on the suicide squad.
You got it, Bobby.
We're gonna kill 'em.
Yeah. That too.
Steve, you're my buddy and I love you...
but you're out of your
cotton-picking mind.
You haven't heard my
game plan yet.
I'm not sure I want to.
(UPLIFTING MUSIC)
This will be one sideline along here.
And we'll make the road
the other sideline.
Alright. Harnell,
you and me will go over there.
Rosen, down there.
Tatashore, up there and blast them
if they try to split.
Aw, come on, Rick!
I want to play!
You'll get your chance.
Starting lineup is me,
Kibbie, Stolar and Ailes.
Ha! Four against two.
(SCOFFS) Listen to him,
chickening out already.
You're gonna find out what it's like
to eat dirt, hot dog.
But I tell you what. We'll give you a break
and let you receive.
Yeah, turkey, you gonna get plucked.
(CHUCKLES)
Let's go.
(IMITATING TURKEY)
Aw, this is another fine mess
you've gotten me into.
Hey, relax, alright,
we're gonna bust out of here.
Sure we are! All we gotta do is
cream those four guys on the field...
then take care of their friend
with the rifle.
Look, you want to try or
spend the rest of your life dead?
Hey, we got a choice?
Nope.
Oh.
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
What do you say we use this hill
up here for one goal...
and that red truck down there
for the other?
Pick whatever you want,
you'll never get near it.
That truck, Larry,
is our ticket to freedom.
Might as well be the moon.
Yeah, well, I've been to the moon.
It's not as far as you think, pal.
Let's go.
Let's really stick it to them, alright?
Alright!
Ready?
Let's go. Let's go.
I want that Bronco.
Come on, baby!
Let's rip 'em!
Here's your kickoff.
(MILITARY MUSIC)
Let's go!
I got it! I got it!
Let's go!
The Bronco! Get him!
Get him, Bobby!
(MILITARY MUSIC)
Get him!
Get him, Stolar!
Come on!
Come on, Kibbie, get him!
Five?
Alright, guys.
Yeah, yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
Okay.
Surprise!
I guess we couldn't expect you to
run your time fair, La Port.
It's about time the superstar there
get a few hard knocks.
Way to go, Tatashore.
Stay in the lineup.
Alright!
Yeah, sure, five against two?
That's right, here!
We're gonna drive you into the ground!
First down!
Alright! Let's go!
You're doing great, Larry!
You're doing great.
Yeah, thanks.
STOLAR:
Alright! Let's get 'em again.
You still think we can get to that truck?
Yeah.
Tell you, our field position is still
not good enough to make a break.
We gotta do two things.
What's that?
We gotta make a little more yardage...
suck one more of those guys
into the game.
Oh, terrific.
Now you can do it.
I'll rile them up.
Tell you what.
Run a sideline pattern on two, okay?
Alright.
Go get 'em.
(MILITARY MUSIC)
STEVE: Set!
Hut one!
Hut two!
(GROANS)
Steve! Over here!
Hold it, Bronco!
(GROANS)
What's the matter with you guys?
Aw, shut up, you missed him yourself.
(MILITARY MUSIC)
Whoo hoo!
Stolar, you should have
blocked the pass!
Well, you think you could
have done any better?
Naw, La Port, he talks a better game
than he plays.
Hey, La Port, why don't you
make it six to two?
Then you might have
a better chance, huh?
I oughta just do that to teach you's
a lesson.
You couldn't teach us anything.
Hold it!
Okay. Okay, hot dog!
Harnell! Get in here!
2nd Down!
Let's go!
Let's get that turkey!
Come on! Stick him, now!
Stick him.
Atta boy, Larry.
You're doing great.
These idiots are really getting to me.
I'm gonna chew somebody up.
Okay, same play...
Tatashore, Ailes, you rush Austin.
The rest of us is gonna
stomp on Bronco.
You ready?
Make as much noise as you can.
On two, okay?
You just watch me.
Hey, Lar?
You'll need this.
Yeah.
(MILITARY MUSIC)
Set! Hut one! Hut two!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(ROARS)
Fight!
Get your smelly foot...
Get off me!
Let's go. Let's go!
Okay, okay, huddle up!
Hold 'em up!
Better not get out of bounds.
Just gotta get the football.
That's it!
This is the last play those two candy
suckers are gonna run... ever.
Yeah! C'mon, guys,
let's really rip 'em! Huh?
Atta boy, Lar, I think we got them.
We?
Oh, yeah, sure,
all we gotta do is tip-toe through.
Would you mind telling me
the game plan?
All right, now's the time
we make our break.
See the guard on
the right sideline?
Yeah.
I want you to run a fly pattern
right over him.
Right over him?
Right over him.
Aw, listen...
You can do it, Larry.
On two, let's go.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Ten. Hut one!
Hut two!
(ROARS)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Here, Steve! Steve!
Steve! Steve!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(GRUNTS)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Run for the truck!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
What about their car?!
Get the truck started!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
What a kicker you'd make!
Just drive the van, will you?
You've got a game to play.
Why you rotten, stinking...
My champagne!
(CROWD CHATTER)
(ORGAN PLAYING)
ANNOUNCER:
Tonight's paid attendance was 57, 423.
Don't forget, season tickets are still
available at the northwest box office.
The next home game will be
two weeks from today.
Don't forget to come out and
support the local team.
Thank you for coming tonight.
(ORGAN PLAYING)
Oh, Bronc?
Yes, sir.
Great game, fella.
Thanks, Coach.
You're fined fifty bucks.
Wait a minute!
If you ever come in late again...
I'm gonna hang you up
and use you for a tackle dummy.
Coach! It wasn't my fault!
No excuses.
Get that?
Yes, sir.
STEVE: Hey, Lar!
Hey, Steve.
Great game, Larry.
Just beautiful.
Thanks, Coach.
First time I've ever been on
two winning teams in the same day.
Yeah.
The Gipper'd be proud of you.
Yeah.
Hey, what about the dirty dozen?
Well, the police
sent 'em to the showers.
Well, that's good.
Pam's waiting with Oscar
in front of the stadium.
All right.
Hey, uh, just one thing, Steve.
I appreciate what you did for me today
and all, but...
how about filling me in on this bionic stuff?
Wait a minute, Larry,
you know! can't do that. It's classified.
Well, classified is classified...
but you do admit that you have it...
and it has something to do with you
being so strong, right?
Right.
In that case,
we got us a problem, fella.
We do?
You owe me ten bucks.
Now wait a minute.
How do you figure?
You remember that gag back at the
bowling alley with the fake pins...
and the manager and the whole routine?
Yeah, but...
Well, that was a bionic hustle!
You owe me ten bucks.
Get it up.
Come on.
Come on, ten bucks.
Get it up.
On ten bucks.
Can we take a credit card?
Aw, Steve.
(CHIMES)
(END THEME MUSIC)