The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 32, Episode 1 - Episode #32.1 - full transcript
♪ ♪
D'oh!
Haw-haw! Green screen.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Lenny,
I didn't know you had kids.
I don't.
I hired them to look like
I'm a family man.
How you doing, Lenny Jr.?
Never better, Lenny Sr.
Hey, I just got cast
as Krusty's kid
at a custody hearing.
Possible recurring.
Later, loser!
Kids.
Welcome, iso-tots.
Are you having fun?
Yay!
Excellent. Now, as your parents
leave you alone with me,
let's begin the festivities.
♪ ♪
Yes, there they go. Bye-bye.
Last mommy out. Excellent.
I now declare the start
of Put Your Kids to Work Day.
♪ ♪
This plant has over 17,000
contaminated crevices
that only your tiny hands
can reach.
Get to work, slackers.
At least this ride
doesn't have a creepy song.
♪ You'll work for me,
or you'll get the lash ♪
♪ You won't get dental,
health or cash. ♪
No!
Even Mr. Burns
can't get away with this.
Oh, Monty, you've still got it.
That was like taking
eight hours of work from a baby.
Mr. Burns, according to
the child labor laws
of the United States...
Aah! Accountability?
In this game of cat and mouse,
I'm afraid Mr. Mouse
is far smarter than...
I know you're in here,
and nothing will stop me.
Wait, this is a men's room.
Ew, ew, ew!
Is that a tuna sandwich
on the sink?
Ugh! Gross, gross, gross!
Oh, employee cave drawings.
Let's see
what's on their feeble minds.
"There once was a lady
from China..."
"And North Carolina."
I assume what's in between
is unimportant.
There!
Someone drew a big,
crying cucumber. That's nice.
Ooh! Something about me.
I'll need my cheaters for this.
♪ ♪
What?
Oh!
Oh! They hate me.
Well, maybe things are better
in the ladies' room.
Effigies can be burned?
You should have seen
those hateful graffitos,
Smithers.
And the drawing of me
was so off-model.
I wouldn't worry, sir.
Our workers
are pretty well-pacified.
- Intimidation.
- Alleged intimidation.
- Beatings.
- Alleged beatings. Mm.
The poisonings.
Ah, yes.
We've had some alleged good
times, haven't we, Smithers?
But there is an undercurrent
of contempt for me.
No, there isn't.
You said Burns
is worse than Hitler.
Well, not worse at his job
than Hitler,
but a worse person.
Huh. Was that the work whistle?
Eh, who cares.
Everywhere,
I'm surrounded by malcontents,
termagants and Lennys.
Well, we could show the workers
some actual respect,
uh, considering
how many have died.
Or I could go undercover
and infiltrate the workers.
I'm beginning to suspect
these monitors
have been tampered with.
I've assembled
a world-class team
to create
your undercover disguise.
The face mask specialist from
the Mission: Impossible movies.
I made Ving Rhames
look like Kristin Chenoweth.
I don't know any of those words,
but I'm impressed.
We'll also provide you
with a dynamic new body.
Ooh. Does everything work?
Everything
that works for you now.
Damn it! That's only two things.
And we top off the disguise
with a voice modulation chip.
Mr. Burns,
I'm gonna make you sound...
Hella different.
Oh, yeah.
Let's get to work.
Oh, my God. It's extraordinary.
You now have the body and face
of a man half your age.
78? Now, enough gallimaufry.
I want to see my reflection.
Someone bring me
a mountain stream.
Say goodbye to Montgomery Burns.
Say hello to Fred Kranepool
from turbine maintenance.
Excellent.
Hello, Joe. What do you know?
Just got back
from the picture show.
Beat it, weirdo.
You're fired.
You can't fire me.
Hey, newbie. Over here.
Homer Simpson.
Fred. Uh...
No, that's not it.
Fred Kranepool.
You seem like a happy lot
here at the nuclear plant,
suckling from the teat
of the great
C. Montgomery Burns.
You said "teat."
Yes, I did, didn't I?
Now that we're chums,
what's on your mind?
Any complaints?
Insubordinate remarks?
Actually, now that
you mention it...
Yes...?
Uh-oh. Better get back to work.
Ah, so soon?
Sorry, but Mr. Burns
has a special way
of telling you
your lunchtime's over.
I heard the craziest thing.
Some nuclear plants
don't have hounds chasing you.
Eh, different world.
Huh. I guess when you're on
the other side of it,
releasing hounds can be cruel?
Oh, yeah. Super cruel.
I had to get rabies shots
in my stomach for a month.
Skipped the last couple.
Ugh, you poor guys.
Here, please.
Here's a Buffalo nickel
for each of you.
Hey, thanks a lot, man.
Why don't you join us
at Moe's tonight?
Moe's?
Yeah, it's that bar
that was featured
on I'll Drink
What Phil's Drinking
with Phil Rosenthal.
Mmm. What animal
is this egg from?
Uh, I want to say horse?
Oh. Could I be sick in this?
Oh...
Somebody take Phil
to the hospital.
Fred, buddy, you coming?
I'm in.
Just need to signal Smithers.
I hate that signal.
Moe, this is our new pal Fred.
Apparently, we've been working
with him for years.
We never noticed.
Set him up with a beer. On me.
Fred!
Thank you, friend.
I like the way you said that,
like it was a foreign concept
or something.
You know,
it might be
John Barleycorn talking,
but you annoying fleas
aren't half bad.
All we're looking for is
a little friendship and respect.
Mm-hmm.
All right.
To friendship and respect.
And also evil.
I mean, I mean, football.
Football!
Ah, whoa, whoa. Sorry, Barn.
Your seat's taken.
Oh, you show up late
for your nightly
bender just once...
Uh, don't you worry.
I just instituted
drive-through service.
Drive safely.
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
♪ I see you
'round for a long, long time ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I remember you ♪
♪ When you drink my wine ♪
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Okay, um,
your turn to sing, Fred.
Fred! Fred! Fred!
Very well.
I've got a toe-tapper
everyone can sing along with,
"The Spaniard That Blighted
My Life."
"The Spaniard That Blighted
My Life," BLH1493. Go.
♪ List to me, while I tell you ♪
♪ Of the Spaniard
that blighted my life... ♪
Everybody!
♪ List to me, while I tell you ♪
♪ Of the man that pinched
my future wife. ♪
Those idiots like me
for me, Fred Kranepool.
Uh, sir, I'm worried.
The suit just detected
a heartbeat.
I'm turning you off.
- Other button, sir.
- Shut up.
Where is he?
I'm supposed to read him
his bedtime story.
Smithers, what are you
still doing up?
I was worried about you, sir.
Worried? Eh.
I just had the greatest night
of my life.
- With my friends.
- What?
Oh, you should've
seen it, Smithers.
They enjoyed my company.
I've had "frenemies," but
they were all French enemies.
Never a friend.
I think of you
as more than a friend, sir.
What did I tell you
about thinking?
Well, did you find anything out?
Any scuttlebutt from the union?
The only union that concerns me
now is the union of men.
What would you know about that?
Where have you been?
You missed dinner.
There's this really cool new guy
at the plant.
You know what's cool is
spending time with your family.
- That's not cool.
- Yeah, Mom, it really isn't.
I agree with Mom
on everything but this.
I'm sorry. Definitely not cool.
Oh, all right, all right.
I just don't trust new people
in this town.
Like Lady Gaga?
She came, she inspired Lisa
and we never heard
from her again.
Who needs friends like that?
So, fellows,
what's on our
social agenda tonight?
More galivanting, I hope?
Well, we really should do
a little work.
Yeah. I have a whole inbox
of unsplit atoms
I haven't gotten to yet.
Fred, are these men
bothering you?
- Oh, back off, Smithers.
- Whoa!
I'll box your ears next time you
speak to me with such insolence.
Yes, sir.
Oh, my God.
You totally pwned him.
Hmm. I suppose I did pwn him.
I did.
Ugh, that was quite
the kerfuffle.
I better go take
a three-hour nap.
No, no, wait. While Smithers
is off drowning his sorrows
in a pamplemousse Perrier,
Burns is unprotected.
This is the perfect time
for you to represent us
and hit the old skinflint up
for a decent benefits package.
Me, talk to Burns?
Oh, I wouldn't. I-I couldn't.
He's got the sharpest mind
in all 46 states.
Hey, come on, please.
For your friends.
I won't let you down.
You down, you down, you down.
I'll help you, friends.
Don't you understand, Burns?
Without the workers,
this plant is nothing.
If you give them respect,
it comes back to you
a hundredfold.
Respect the workers?
What next? Put batteries
in the smoke detectors?
Have you no heart?
I certainly do.
I'm not flooding this room
with mustard gas right now.
I'll give you a chance to tell
your buddies that you failed.
But then they might not
like me anymore.
You're right. Friendship
is something worth treasuring.
Boy, he's really raking Burns
over the coals.
Yeah, I like how they're not
interrupting each other.
- So polite.
- Yes, spirits, yes.
I'll give them
everything they want.
- He said...
- We heard everything.
Clearly it was
two people talking.
We got to spread the good news.
We love you, big guy.
Mr. Burns, what have you done?
There is no Mr. Burns.
Only Fred.
What are you saying?
Montgomery Burns died
when I put on this suit.
And six other times this week.
Thank God for the new liver
and kidneys.
Wait up, guys! Beers are on me!
I might have two tonight.
Two sips!
Hope you're hungry, Homer.
I got up at 2:00 a.m. and
slow-roasted a breakfast turkey.
Sorry, no time for food.
I got to get to work.
When did Homer turn into someone
who wants to go into work?
Oh, no. It's in the air.
Now I want to go to school
and make something of myself.
Ooh.
Hey, work is amazing now.
A magical place where we get
what we deserve and more.
And it's all due to Fred.
Okay, so when are we gonna
meet this Fred?
Oh, you've already
met him, Marge,
in the smile on my face.
- Should we tell him
it's a Saturday?
Eh, not yet.
At least we'll get some
of the roast turkey for once.
♪ I don't want to work ♪
♪ I want to bang
on the drum all day ♪
♪ I don't want to play ♪
♪ I just want to bang
on the drum all day ♪
♪ I don't want to work... ♪
♪ I want to bang
on the drum all day ♪
Hey, Homer. Look what Fred
made Burns give us
to handle plutonium.
Look at me. I'm Audrey Hepburn.
Lenny Leonard,
you have exquisite vision
and you know it. Give me those.
Oh, I don't care what you think,
'cause Fred doesn't like you.
And once Fred gets around to it,
you ain't gonna be
working here no more.
I've had enough.
Simpson, come with me.
What the...?
There's something
you don't know about
your good friend Fred.
I know everything I need to know
about Fred whatshisname
from wherever he comes.
Oh, my God.
That's right. Fred is Mr. Burns.
But wait a minute.
Isn't that a good thing?
It means he's nice to us now.
His niceness is gonna
put us out of business.
These giveaways
are bankrupting us.
What should we give
our friends next, Fred?
Morning yoga? Irish brides?
Okay, maybe the yoga
is going too far.
It's all too far.
We're gonna go the way
of the Sears catalog
and 20th Century Fox.
Are you sure this isn't
because you miss the old Burns?
Of course I miss him.
Who wouldn't?
Simpson, if you care
about your job,
and the jobs of everyone
in this plant,
you'll end your friendship
with Mr. Burns.
- Permanently.
- No problem.
As long as I'm still friends
with Fred.
Burns is Fred.
Wha...? Oh, he is not.
- What's wrong, Homie?
- Mm, not much.
I lost a friend today because
Burns stepped out of him.
- What?
- Well, let's just say
I can't be
friends with Fred anymore
but I don't know
how to tell him.
Well, don't ask me.
I suck at it.
That's why I can't shake
Milhouse.
I'm right here, Bart.
Our sleepover ended
two days ago.
I'll call my mom again.
♪ ♪
- Hey, Fred.
- Ahoy-hoy.
Listen, Fred, we can't really
hang out with you anymore.
No offense. I mean, it's just
that I got to focus on work.
My console's
under here somewhere.
Hey, Fred!
- The man of the hour.
- Oh...
We were just working
on a list of new things
you can get
Old Man Burns to give us.
What do you mean
"Old Man Burns"?
I mean, he's so old.
Fossilized scarecrow.
You know, I've never seen Fred
and Burns at the same time.
Which means you must
hate Burns, too.
Ooh, well, we-we don't
really hate him.
Mr. Burns is a withered
old corn husk
with a rotten apple for a head,
and I'm getting special clogs
made up
so I can Riverdance
on his grave.
You ungrateful jackals.
Smithers,
where's the kill button?
Um, there isn't one, sir.
How many times have I told you,
everything must have
a kill button?
Unhand me, you ape!
Why am I always referred to
as an ape?
Never a gorilla or an orangutan.
Aw, monkey want a banana?
Why, you incredibly complex...
I-I thought
you were
my friends.
Huh. Someone's having a day.
♪ ♪
Fred, you traitor.
You've turned my employees
against me.
Yeah, but they love me.
And soon, there'll be no you.
Just Fred!
♪ ♪
As all my attorneys keep
telling me, why won't you die?
Because I'm the last spark
of goodness in you.
It can't be extinguished!
I'm glad I went to the bathroom
in you.
En garde.
Die, die. D-Die, die.
It's okay, Mr. Burns.
Fred's gone.
Oh, why can't I be loved
and feared?
- Like God?
- Why?
Because you're the boss,
we're the workers.
It goes back to caveman days.
Ten guys killed the mammoth
while the boss yelled at them.
Then the boss got all the meat
and they got all the toenails.
Because that's the way
life works.
Next came the Renaissance, and
the invention of the time clock,
which meant the boss
no longer had to waste time
checking on his employees
and could become pope
and marry his sister.
With recent times came unions
and workers' rights.
Which were then taken away
in even more recent times.
Wrap it up, Homer.
That catwalk
is starting to buckle.
My point is, no matter what,
Mr. Burns,
the boss sucks,
so why shouldn't you?
Why indeed.
Back to work,
and everything nice is canceled.
- Um, does that include...
- If you have to ask,
it's canceled.
And Fred, the man
I could've been,
I consign to the fires of hell.
Somebody stop it.
No, no, no, too late.
- Oh, poor Fred.
- It's a costume, you idiot.
A lot of work goes into those.
Good to have you back, sir.
Good to... Oh, Smithers.
I left my car fob in that suit.
Go get it.
But that's certain death, sir.
- Yes, but for you.
- You're back.
Or am I?
Attention, everyone.
This is your new coworker
Don Phoneyman.
Please show him the ropes.
I'm not going through this
again. Come on.
We know it's you, Mr. Burns,
and we'll prove it.
Release the hounds.
They won't touch you.
Well, what do you know?
He's real.
I didn't know we could
call the hounds.
We can also operate
the trapdoor.
I'll get you for this!
Engage karaoke mode.
♪ List to me while I tell you ♪
♪ Of the Spaniard
that blighted my life ♪
♪ List to me, while I tell you ♪
♪ Of the man that
pinched my future wife. ♪
Shh!
D'oh!
Haw-haw! Green screen.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Lenny,
I didn't know you had kids.
I don't.
I hired them to look like
I'm a family man.
How you doing, Lenny Jr.?
Never better, Lenny Sr.
Hey, I just got cast
as Krusty's kid
at a custody hearing.
Possible recurring.
Later, loser!
Kids.
Welcome, iso-tots.
Are you having fun?
Yay!
Excellent. Now, as your parents
leave you alone with me,
let's begin the festivities.
♪ ♪
Yes, there they go. Bye-bye.
Last mommy out. Excellent.
I now declare the start
of Put Your Kids to Work Day.
♪ ♪
This plant has over 17,000
contaminated crevices
that only your tiny hands
can reach.
Get to work, slackers.
At least this ride
doesn't have a creepy song.
♪ You'll work for me,
or you'll get the lash ♪
♪ You won't get dental,
health or cash. ♪
No!
Even Mr. Burns
can't get away with this.
Oh, Monty, you've still got it.
That was like taking
eight hours of work from a baby.
Mr. Burns, according to
the child labor laws
of the United States...
Aah! Accountability?
In this game of cat and mouse,
I'm afraid Mr. Mouse
is far smarter than...
I know you're in here,
and nothing will stop me.
Wait, this is a men's room.
Ew, ew, ew!
Is that a tuna sandwich
on the sink?
Ugh! Gross, gross, gross!
Oh, employee cave drawings.
Let's see
what's on their feeble minds.
"There once was a lady
from China..."
"And North Carolina."
I assume what's in between
is unimportant.
There!
Someone drew a big,
crying cucumber. That's nice.
Ooh! Something about me.
I'll need my cheaters for this.
♪ ♪
What?
Oh!
Oh! They hate me.
Well, maybe things are better
in the ladies' room.
Effigies can be burned?
You should have seen
those hateful graffitos,
Smithers.
And the drawing of me
was so off-model.
I wouldn't worry, sir.
Our workers
are pretty well-pacified.
- Intimidation.
- Alleged intimidation.
- Beatings.
- Alleged beatings. Mm.
The poisonings.
Ah, yes.
We've had some alleged good
times, haven't we, Smithers?
But there is an undercurrent
of contempt for me.
No, there isn't.
You said Burns
is worse than Hitler.
Well, not worse at his job
than Hitler,
but a worse person.
Huh. Was that the work whistle?
Eh, who cares.
Everywhere,
I'm surrounded by malcontents,
termagants and Lennys.
Well, we could show the workers
some actual respect,
uh, considering
how many have died.
Or I could go undercover
and infiltrate the workers.
I'm beginning to suspect
these monitors
have been tampered with.
I've assembled
a world-class team
to create
your undercover disguise.
The face mask specialist from
the Mission: Impossible movies.
I made Ving Rhames
look like Kristin Chenoweth.
I don't know any of those words,
but I'm impressed.
We'll also provide you
with a dynamic new body.
Ooh. Does everything work?
Everything
that works for you now.
Damn it! That's only two things.
And we top off the disguise
with a voice modulation chip.
Mr. Burns,
I'm gonna make you sound...
Hella different.
Oh, yeah.
Let's get to work.
Oh, my God. It's extraordinary.
You now have the body and face
of a man half your age.
78? Now, enough gallimaufry.
I want to see my reflection.
Someone bring me
a mountain stream.
Say goodbye to Montgomery Burns.
Say hello to Fred Kranepool
from turbine maintenance.
Excellent.
Hello, Joe. What do you know?
Just got back
from the picture show.
Beat it, weirdo.
You're fired.
You can't fire me.
Hey, newbie. Over here.
Homer Simpson.
Fred. Uh...
No, that's not it.
Fred Kranepool.
You seem like a happy lot
here at the nuclear plant,
suckling from the teat
of the great
C. Montgomery Burns.
You said "teat."
Yes, I did, didn't I?
Now that we're chums,
what's on your mind?
Any complaints?
Insubordinate remarks?
Actually, now that
you mention it...
Yes...?
Uh-oh. Better get back to work.
Ah, so soon?
Sorry, but Mr. Burns
has a special way
of telling you
your lunchtime's over.
I heard the craziest thing.
Some nuclear plants
don't have hounds chasing you.
Eh, different world.
Huh. I guess when you're on
the other side of it,
releasing hounds can be cruel?
Oh, yeah. Super cruel.
I had to get rabies shots
in my stomach for a month.
Skipped the last couple.
Ugh, you poor guys.
Here, please.
Here's a Buffalo nickel
for each of you.
Hey, thanks a lot, man.
Why don't you join us
at Moe's tonight?
Moe's?
Yeah, it's that bar
that was featured
on I'll Drink
What Phil's Drinking
with Phil Rosenthal.
Mmm. What animal
is this egg from?
Uh, I want to say horse?
Oh. Could I be sick in this?
Oh...
Somebody take Phil
to the hospital.
Fred, buddy, you coming?
I'm in.
Just need to signal Smithers.
I hate that signal.
Moe, this is our new pal Fred.
Apparently, we've been working
with him for years.
We never noticed.
Set him up with a beer. On me.
Fred!
Thank you, friend.
I like the way you said that,
like it was a foreign concept
or something.
You know,
it might be
John Barleycorn talking,
but you annoying fleas
aren't half bad.
All we're looking for is
a little friendship and respect.
Mm-hmm.
All right.
To friendship and respect.
And also evil.
I mean, I mean, football.
Football!
Ah, whoa, whoa. Sorry, Barn.
Your seat's taken.
Oh, you show up late
for your nightly
bender just once...
Uh, don't you worry.
I just instituted
drive-through service.
Drive safely.
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
♪ I see you
'round for a long, long time ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I remember you ♪
♪ When you drink my wine ♪
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Okay, um,
your turn to sing, Fred.
Fred! Fred! Fred!
Very well.
I've got a toe-tapper
everyone can sing along with,
"The Spaniard That Blighted
My Life."
"The Spaniard That Blighted
My Life," BLH1493. Go.
♪ List to me, while I tell you ♪
♪ Of the Spaniard
that blighted my life... ♪
Everybody!
♪ List to me, while I tell you ♪
♪ Of the man that pinched
my future wife. ♪
Those idiots like me
for me, Fred Kranepool.
Uh, sir, I'm worried.
The suit just detected
a heartbeat.
I'm turning you off.
- Other button, sir.
- Shut up.
Where is he?
I'm supposed to read him
his bedtime story.
Smithers, what are you
still doing up?
I was worried about you, sir.
Worried? Eh.
I just had the greatest night
of my life.
- With my friends.
- What?
Oh, you should've
seen it, Smithers.
They enjoyed my company.
I've had "frenemies," but
they were all French enemies.
Never a friend.
I think of you
as more than a friend, sir.
What did I tell you
about thinking?
Well, did you find anything out?
Any scuttlebutt from the union?
The only union that concerns me
now is the union of men.
What would you know about that?
Where have you been?
You missed dinner.
There's this really cool new guy
at the plant.
You know what's cool is
spending time with your family.
- That's not cool.
- Yeah, Mom, it really isn't.
I agree with Mom
on everything but this.
I'm sorry. Definitely not cool.
Oh, all right, all right.
I just don't trust new people
in this town.
Like Lady Gaga?
She came, she inspired Lisa
and we never heard
from her again.
Who needs friends like that?
So, fellows,
what's on our
social agenda tonight?
More galivanting, I hope?
Well, we really should do
a little work.
Yeah. I have a whole inbox
of unsplit atoms
I haven't gotten to yet.
Fred, are these men
bothering you?
- Oh, back off, Smithers.
- Whoa!
I'll box your ears next time you
speak to me with such insolence.
Yes, sir.
Oh, my God.
You totally pwned him.
Hmm. I suppose I did pwn him.
I did.
Ugh, that was quite
the kerfuffle.
I better go take
a three-hour nap.
No, no, wait. While Smithers
is off drowning his sorrows
in a pamplemousse Perrier,
Burns is unprotected.
This is the perfect time
for you to represent us
and hit the old skinflint up
for a decent benefits package.
Me, talk to Burns?
Oh, I wouldn't. I-I couldn't.
He's got the sharpest mind
in all 46 states.
Hey, come on, please.
For your friends.
I won't let you down.
You down, you down, you down.
I'll help you, friends.
Don't you understand, Burns?
Without the workers,
this plant is nothing.
If you give them respect,
it comes back to you
a hundredfold.
Respect the workers?
What next? Put batteries
in the smoke detectors?
Have you no heart?
I certainly do.
I'm not flooding this room
with mustard gas right now.
I'll give you a chance to tell
your buddies that you failed.
But then they might not
like me anymore.
You're right. Friendship
is something worth treasuring.
Boy, he's really raking Burns
over the coals.
Yeah, I like how they're not
interrupting each other.
- So polite.
- Yes, spirits, yes.
I'll give them
everything they want.
- He said...
- We heard everything.
Clearly it was
two people talking.
We got to spread the good news.
We love you, big guy.
Mr. Burns, what have you done?
There is no Mr. Burns.
Only Fred.
What are you saying?
Montgomery Burns died
when I put on this suit.
And six other times this week.
Thank God for the new liver
and kidneys.
Wait up, guys! Beers are on me!
I might have two tonight.
Two sips!
Hope you're hungry, Homer.
I got up at 2:00 a.m. and
slow-roasted a breakfast turkey.
Sorry, no time for food.
I got to get to work.
When did Homer turn into someone
who wants to go into work?
Oh, no. It's in the air.
Now I want to go to school
and make something of myself.
Ooh.
Hey, work is amazing now.
A magical place where we get
what we deserve and more.
And it's all due to Fred.
Okay, so when are we gonna
meet this Fred?
Oh, you've already
met him, Marge,
in the smile on my face.
- Should we tell him
it's a Saturday?
Eh, not yet.
At least we'll get some
of the roast turkey for once.
♪ I don't want to work ♪
♪ I want to bang
on the drum all day ♪
♪ I don't want to play ♪
♪ I just want to bang
on the drum all day ♪
♪ I don't want to work... ♪
♪ I want to bang
on the drum all day ♪
Hey, Homer. Look what Fred
made Burns give us
to handle plutonium.
Look at me. I'm Audrey Hepburn.
Lenny Leonard,
you have exquisite vision
and you know it. Give me those.
Oh, I don't care what you think,
'cause Fred doesn't like you.
And once Fred gets around to it,
you ain't gonna be
working here no more.
I've had enough.
Simpson, come with me.
What the...?
There's something
you don't know about
your good friend Fred.
I know everything I need to know
about Fred whatshisname
from wherever he comes.
Oh, my God.
That's right. Fred is Mr. Burns.
But wait a minute.
Isn't that a good thing?
It means he's nice to us now.
His niceness is gonna
put us out of business.
These giveaways
are bankrupting us.
What should we give
our friends next, Fred?
Morning yoga? Irish brides?
Okay, maybe the yoga
is going too far.
It's all too far.
We're gonna go the way
of the Sears catalog
and 20th Century Fox.
Are you sure this isn't
because you miss the old Burns?
Of course I miss him.
Who wouldn't?
Simpson, if you care
about your job,
and the jobs of everyone
in this plant,
you'll end your friendship
with Mr. Burns.
- Permanently.
- No problem.
As long as I'm still friends
with Fred.
Burns is Fred.
Wha...? Oh, he is not.
- What's wrong, Homie?
- Mm, not much.
I lost a friend today because
Burns stepped out of him.
- What?
- Well, let's just say
I can't be
friends with Fred anymore
but I don't know
how to tell him.
Well, don't ask me.
I suck at it.
That's why I can't shake
Milhouse.
I'm right here, Bart.
Our sleepover ended
two days ago.
I'll call my mom again.
♪ ♪
- Hey, Fred.
- Ahoy-hoy.
Listen, Fred, we can't really
hang out with you anymore.
No offense. I mean, it's just
that I got to focus on work.
My console's
under here somewhere.
Hey, Fred!
- The man of the hour.
- Oh...
We were just working
on a list of new things
you can get
Old Man Burns to give us.
What do you mean
"Old Man Burns"?
I mean, he's so old.
Fossilized scarecrow.
You know, I've never seen Fred
and Burns at the same time.
Which means you must
hate Burns, too.
Ooh, well, we-we don't
really hate him.
Mr. Burns is a withered
old corn husk
with a rotten apple for a head,
and I'm getting special clogs
made up
so I can Riverdance
on his grave.
You ungrateful jackals.
Smithers,
where's the kill button?
Um, there isn't one, sir.
How many times have I told you,
everything must have
a kill button?
Unhand me, you ape!
Why am I always referred to
as an ape?
Never a gorilla or an orangutan.
Aw, monkey want a banana?
Why, you incredibly complex...
I-I thought
you were
my friends.
Huh. Someone's having a day.
♪ ♪
Fred, you traitor.
You've turned my employees
against me.
Yeah, but they love me.
And soon, there'll be no you.
Just Fred!
♪ ♪
As all my attorneys keep
telling me, why won't you die?
Because I'm the last spark
of goodness in you.
It can't be extinguished!
I'm glad I went to the bathroom
in you.
En garde.
Die, die. D-Die, die.
It's okay, Mr. Burns.
Fred's gone.
Oh, why can't I be loved
and feared?
- Like God?
- Why?
Because you're the boss,
we're the workers.
It goes back to caveman days.
Ten guys killed the mammoth
while the boss yelled at them.
Then the boss got all the meat
and they got all the toenails.
Because that's the way
life works.
Next came the Renaissance, and
the invention of the time clock,
which meant the boss
no longer had to waste time
checking on his employees
and could become pope
and marry his sister.
With recent times came unions
and workers' rights.
Which were then taken away
in even more recent times.
Wrap it up, Homer.
That catwalk
is starting to buckle.
My point is, no matter what,
Mr. Burns,
the boss sucks,
so why shouldn't you?
Why indeed.
Back to work,
and everything nice is canceled.
- Um, does that include...
- If you have to ask,
it's canceled.
And Fred, the man
I could've been,
I consign to the fires of hell.
Somebody stop it.
No, no, no, too late.
- Oh, poor Fred.
- It's a costume, you idiot.
A lot of work goes into those.
Good to have you back, sir.
Good to... Oh, Smithers.
I left my car fob in that suit.
Go get it.
But that's certain death, sir.
- Yes, but for you.
- You're back.
Or am I?
Attention, everyone.
This is your new coworker
Don Phoneyman.
Please show him the ropes.
I'm not going through this
again. Come on.
We know it's you, Mr. Burns,
and we'll prove it.
Release the hounds.
They won't touch you.
Well, what do you know?
He's real.
I didn't know we could
call the hounds.
We can also operate
the trapdoor.
I'll get you for this!
Engage karaoke mode.
♪ List to me while I tell you ♪
♪ Of the Spaniard
that blighted my life ♪
♪ List to me, while I tell you ♪
♪ Of the man that
pinched my future wife. ♪
Shh!