The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 31, Episode 9 - Todd, Todd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me? - full transcript
Todd blames God for the death of his mother and rejects his faith, so Ned sends him to live with the Simpsons, hoping they can scare him into believing in God again.
? Okily-dokily, okily-dokily ?
? Come meet Ned Flanders ?
? And his two boys
Rod and Todd ?
? He's friends with God
and has a ripped bod ?
? Diddly ?
? Doodily, diddly ?
? Doodily ?
? Diddly... ?
? Doodily ?
? Diddly, doodily, diddly... ?
No couch, boys.
I gave it to the poor.
- Yay!
- Yay!
? A-diddly-doodily ?
? Diddly-doodily. ?
Neddy? Neddy.
Oh, Maude, you've come back.
Completely clothed
and untouchable.
This is the sexiest dream
I've ever had.
Wait, Maudie.
Just one little kiss.
(howls)
All tongue, no lips.
Just like Maude.
(crying)
Daddy, why are you crying?
Oh, just watering
the old lip lawn.
I had a dream about your mom.
Don't you ever dream about her?
Faster, Mommy, faster.
Aah!
Ow!
(screams)
What's wrong, Todd?
I can never unsee that.
(whimpers)
It's okay, son.
Just a bad dream.
Want some lukewarm water?
Daddy, I can't remember
what Mommy looks like.
I think I might have
a video or two of your mother.
ROD:
What's wrong?
(screams)
I'm doing
Mommy's old skin routine.
Now, that's the healthy way
to grieve.
(Todd groans)
(humming "Deck the Halls")
(giggles)
I'm scared.
Well, I have faith in you.
Who are you people,
and what have you done
with my family?
- Answer me!
- (chuckles)
Oh, Dad, every time we make you
shovel the driveway,
you wind up someplace crazy.
Won't you join us for dinner?
(chuckles):
He sure will.
I'll pick him up tomorrow.
(crying):
Mommy was so nice.
And she still is,
Roddily Doddily.
How do you know?
Have you heard from her?
Oh, uh, n-no, sir.
But, uh, faith is believing
in something without proof.
Uh, you can't see my lip
below my mustache,
- but you know it's there.
- Can I see it?
No.
My math teacher said
believing in something
without proof is crazy.
You think the coat
of many colors was crazy?
Noah's ark and the Holy Ghost,
crazy?
Don't tell me you're doubting
Balaam's talking ass.
Mommy, if you still remember me,
give me a sign.
This is Homer Simpson
auditioning
for the air guitar championship
of the world.
I'm taking you down,
Bjorn Turoque.
(imitating guitar playing)
? Praise God from whom ?
? All blessings flow ?
? Praise God ?
? It's almost time to go ?
? This boring sermon ?
? Must end soon ?
? Arena football's ?
? On at noon. ?
HOMER:
Ooh!
(crowd cheering)
Whoo-hoo!
And for that simple reason,
we are right
and Episcopalians
are wrong, wrong, wrong.
Now I'd like to invite
our littlest parishioners
to the front.
Gertie, a little
traveling music, please?
(slow hymn playing)
Soon as we can, we're
replacing her with Spotify.
I'm taking middle C.
So, tell me, young Christians,
if you could speak
to Baby Jesus,
what would you say?
I'd say thank you
for being born,
'cause that gave us Christmas.
ALL:
Aw!
Mmm, I'm killing it.
Ralph, what would you say?
I'd say, "Baby Jesus,
thank you for dying
for our shins."
(congregation chuckles)
And you, Todd?
What would you say?
(hoarsely):
I lost my voice from crying.
Oh, come on, young man.
You're my closer.
("Charge" playing)
What would you say to Jesus?
I'd say...
thanks for nothing!
My mommy's dead
and she's never coming back,
and I don't believe
in God anymore.
(feedback screeches)
(congregation gasps)
No. No!
(whimpers)
Thank God these
collection baskets were empty.
You're welcome.
? A mighty problem is our Todd ?
? His faith in God ?
? Is failing ?
? Homer accidentally killed
his mom ?
? He knocked her
off a railing. ?
Now, son,
let me put this gently.
We're all going to hell!
You opened a doorway
to disbelief in God's own house!
Why does God need
so many houses?
Couldn't some go to poor people?
You just stop right there, boy.
You do not question
God's real estate holdings
and tax-free status.
(exhales) I have to let off
a little steam.
Shucks! Shucks! Shucks!
(grunts)
That's it. Young man,
I am FaceTiming the reverend.
(chuckles):
Reverend,
I know you hate it
when I bother you.
(theme from Swan Lake playing)
- Aah!
- (crying)
It's okay. It's okay.
I'm at my daughter's
ballet recital.
Oh, is she good?
Seriously, are any of them good?
Reverend, like the pharaoh's
army in the Red Sea,
I'm in over my head.
My heathen son
needs you right now.
Oh, sorry, got to go.
I have to read the last rites...
for the art of ballet.
Lord, please punish
my boy thoroughly
so he may once again believe
in thine divine mercy.
- Daddy, I have a problem.
- Oh, you, too?
I accidentally watched
a 30 Rock by mistake.
Oh! Oh, my good, good boy.
- Mmm.
- So it's okay to watch?
Just Kenneth. Just Kenneth. Mmm.
(groans)
Good morning, Rod. Todd. God.
- Good morning.
- Morning.
Let us, uh, stiffly resume
our nice, regular routine.
Dear Lord, we thank you
for this breakfast,
each generic brand Circle-O
a symbol of God's unending love.
- Amen.
- Amen.
Todd?
Son? Can I just get an amen?
A prayer without an amen
is like a Tootsie Pop
without a center.
Oh, I apologize for thinking
the word "tootsie."
But there must be a way
to scare religion back
into my son.
Isn't there some hell on earth
I could briefly place him in?
HOMER:
Let me in, boy!
The school bus
will be here any minute!
(laughs) To find your clothes,
just solve this series of clues:
what has bark but no bite?
Um, the dog?
-(imitates buzzer)
Wrong. A tree.
-(groans)
Here's another.
If a plane crashes
on the border
of North and South Dakota,
where do you bury the survivors?
Uh, Minnesota.
(imitates buzzer)
Wrong.
You don't bury the survivors.
They're survivors!
I don't understand,
but I'll bury you.
Tell you what.
I'll give you your pants back
-if you can answer
this last one.
-Uh-huh.
- What has two hairs on top...
- Right.
- ...is somebody's dad...
- Somebody's dad, yes.
...and starting right now
he's getting quite mad?
I don't know,
but just give me my pants, boy!
(kids laughing)
(Bart laughs)
Can we take pictures?
Wait, you see that, too?
FLANDERS:
That Simpson house
will put the fear of God
in him.
Give me your pants.
Todd Flanders, I cast thee out.
? His little mind ?
? Is filled with doubt ?
? So now we have
to cast him out ?
? You'll learn
the Lord is sweet ?
? On his journey of 40 feet. ?
Daddy, do you love me more now?
(chuckles)
Just by asking,
you have committed the sin
of pride.
Yes, Ned, yes.
We'll keep him here
till tomorrow.
Yes, I'll read him
a good bedtime story.
Right, right. No wizards.
No pagans. No wild things.
How about
The Very Hungry Caterpillar?
No, that celebrates gluttony.
Clifford the Big Red Dog?
(scoffs) Clifford
the satanic abomination.
Everyone Poops?
Not me.
Todd. Psst! Todd.
I know what it's like to leave
the faith of your family.
Thank you so much, Lisa.
At last, someone gets it.
(new age music playing)
But have I got a god for you.
Consider the Buddha.
He brings peace from within.
He avoids the pitfalls of ego,
he loves yoga and Yoda,
and he's lost weight.
What happens when you die?
You get reincarnated as a human
or an animal or a ghost.
Pass. Buddha's no god,
and neither is God.
Don't worry, I'll get him.
By the way, what did you
reincarnate David Bowie as?
Help me, love. It's Bowie.
(gasps)
I've been meditating too much.
Where's Todd?
It was horrible.
I woke up,
and he'd cleaned my room.
What kind of psycho does that?
Hi, Grampa Simpson.
(exclaiming)
You're talking to me directly?
Even my Alexa won't do that.
ELDERLY FEMALE VOICE:
Being with him
has made me so tired.
HOMER:
Hey, Marge,
you may have noticed
I took a shower
earlier this week.
(makes kissing sounds)
I can't. I can't.
Not with Todd in the house.
Oh, we've had kids in the house
for ten years.
Not that one.
He's used to silence.
- He'll hear us.
- No, he won't.
TODD:
Yes, I will!
Oof! Got to get rid of that kid.
Can it be?
Oh, my goodness!
The face of our Lord and Savior
in a humble piece of toast?
Clearly,
no human could have made this.
Huh?
And the Lord said,
"Take this and eat,
for I am the toast of the town."
- You drew that on.
- No, no.
God drew it on.
Look, he signed it.
"Jebus." See?
Why would God make toast
that looked like Jesus?
'Cause parents are always
showing off pictures
- of their kids?
- (munching)
(crying):
So much innocent bread died
for my sins.
(sobbing)
So innocent.
? What is good ?
? And what is sin ?
? Bart wants
to get rid of him. ?
Yo, this is Todd.
I have to share my room
until he believes in God again.
You don't believe in God?
Well, that's crazy.
Who else but an all-loving,
omnipotent being
could create beautiful wedgies
and purple nurples?
Not so fast.
What if I'm the only being
in the universe,
and you're all
my mental projections?
Project this!
I must have wanted this
to happen!
So now that you see
how bad kids turn out,
you want to go home, right?
Stop using us as examples!
I believe your friends
are all going to Hell.
-Whoa!
-Yeah!
-Cool!
- (Homer giggling)
- (Marge moaning)
(Homer and Marge moaning)
TODD:
I hear you!
What doesn't
that little twerp hear?
TODD:
I don't know, but I heard that.
(dryer rattling)
(quietly):
Okay. He can't hear us now.
TODD:
Yes, I can.
You're unbuttoning your shirt,
Mr. Simpson.
What does that paper say?
LISA:
Oh. Hi, Todd.
Still seeking enlightenment?
I told you, not now.
Maybe I'll reconsider
your stupid beliefs
when I come back as a worm.
In Buddhism,
that's halfway to "yes"!
Look, Todd,
you don't have to believe.
In church, just smile and nod,
but be sleeping on the inside.
That works at work, too.
But I really don't believe.
I'm sad because my mommy's gone
and never coming back.
You know how that feels?
Oh, do I.
Oh, no, don't relive it. Don't!
You don't come home for dinner
till 10:00 at night.
You never cook anything
worth eating.
Well, who wants
to cook for a failure?
Good God, woman,
why did you marry me?
To piss off my mother,
and it worked!
Tell the kid I love him,
but I'm as bad at goodbyes
- as I am at picking husbands.
- (Grampa groaning)
(crying):
My mom is gone.
And so is my ice cream.
And so is my hair!
Moe, I got to get drunk.
And fast.
FLANDERS:
I'll take one, too.
BOTH:
What the...?!
I'm losing everything.
Just give me a drink!
I'm sorry, Flanders.
I can't pour you a drink.
You're too good. It's just,
it's not something I can do.
Please. I'm begging you.
Yeah, that's $24.
? Ned Flanders
is drinking today ?
? Allelujah ?
? His son Todd
has gone astray ?
? Allelujah ?
? Raise your mug
and drink it down ?
? Allelujah ?
BARITONE SINGER:
? In the worst bar ?
? In this town ?
? Allelujah. ?
(slurring): You know,
Homer, I always thought
you proved the existence of God.
I mean, you fall off cliffs,
and you're fit as a fiddle.
Well, ain't that a diddle!
(laughs)
- Diddly, diddly.
- (laughs)
- Diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle.
- (laughs): Diddly, diddly.
Whoa!
(both laughing)
So this is what it's like
to look down on someone.
(belches)
You know what, Ned?
There may...
there may not be a heaven,
but getting drunk with you
ain't hell.
(both laugh)
(mumbles):
Oh, you're great.
This is the beginning
of a beautiful...
(grunting)
You killed them!
This is the worst
Uber ride ever!
You're getting four stars.
No...!
? ?
Welcome to Heaven.
Oh, Lord. It's just as beautiful
as I pictured it.
This is your version, Ned.
Homer gets his, too.
So, not like I'm feeling
I put in way too much work,
but Homer got in, too?
Well, a couple of years ago,
sloth became a virtue.
I don't really understand it.
You'd have to talk to my kid.
He's 33 and still lives at home.
I've been through
some stuff, man.
(gasps)
Abe Lincoln!
Did you know the picture
about my life is
Spielberg's biggest movie?
No! What about Jaws and E.T.,
and all the Jurassic...?
Well, how did I do
in the awards?
- You were beaten by Argo.
- Argo?!
That was the worst experience
I ever had in a theater.
You have other people to see.
- Wear these passes.
- Visitors?
Hmm, that's odd.
It must mean that
your bodies aren't dead yet.
? We need you now ?
? O God on high ?
? So stupid Flanders
and Homer don't die. ?
Ned Flanders, I swear to you
I will use every ounce of skill
in my body
to bring you back to life.
(sniffles)
What about Homer?
Mm, que ser?, ser?.
(laughs)
(sobbing)
(sobbing)
Oh, my.
They're holding a vigil.
Look how many, many lives
Dad touched.
That's Flanders' vigil.
Dad's is over there.
Vigils are a surprisingly
large part of this job.
Oh, yeah! So sad!
Dad's an acquired taste, Lis,
like Hawaiian pizza.
Dad never judged a pizza
by where it came from.
(cries)
He just ate it.
BART:
God, this is just you and me,
so I'm gonna tell you a secre.
I love my dad,
so please don't take him.
(Lisa cries)
Bart, what are you praying for?
New bike.
Are you sure you don't want
to pray for your dad?
I can't pray.
I don't think
anyone's listening anymore.
Oh, sweetie, prayer doesn't
have to be to God.
It can also just be
an honest conversation
we have with ourselves.
Just do what your heart
tells you.
Oh, I'm not really sure
what's happening,
but I'm really sad,
and I need help.
? Rejoice, rejoice ?
? O Springfield town ?
? 'Cause what goes up ?
? Must come down. ?
(buzzing)
(ship horn blows)
(cheering)
I'm winning every bet!
And there's no stupid
Fox halftime show.
Could Heaven be any better?
(munching)
I agree. This is everything
I could possibly dream of.
(plays pretty chord)
(gasps)
Todd is praying.
He's praying for me.
(laughs)
And it's working!
I'm returning to my family!
Bye, Homer.
- Homer?
- Mom?
I never got a chance
to say goodbye, but now I can.
Remember, I'm not a hugger.
Oh, right. Sorry.
You never need
to apologize to me.
In my eyes, you're perfect.
Ah, we're in Heaven.
Come here, you.
Oh, my God,
this is all I ever wanted!
HOMER:
Aw, damn it!
Hallelujah! I'm alive and back
in this big beautiful world.
I could kiss
the first thing I see.
Ah. Promise is a promise.
- Homie!
- Dad!
- Doughboy!
- Yay!
Daddy, you came back!
I believe again!
Two lives saved by prayer.
And modern medicine.
This is why I became a doctor.
Because you both owe me $12,000.
(laughs)
No, no, no, no.
Nirvana is for closers,
and you couldn't close the deal.
- But-but...
- But-but-but-but-but nothing!
You couldn't even close
Todd frickin' Flanders!
That kid would follow
a butterfly.
Just give me one more chance.
Do you think I got
to be Buddha by being patient?!
Check this out.
I got you Ralph Wiggum.
Ralph Wiggum? What am I gonna do
with Ralph Wiggum?
Everything is nothing!
Kid, you just blew my mind.
(organ music playing)
Good night, Roddy.
Ha!
? Praise God from whom
all blessings flow ?
? Praise God ?
? It's almost time to go ?
? Todd has found
just what he seeks ?
? New episode in two weeks. ?
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
Shh!
? Come meet Ned Flanders ?
? And his two boys
Rod and Todd ?
? He's friends with God
and has a ripped bod ?
? Diddly ?
? Doodily, diddly ?
? Doodily ?
? Diddly... ?
? Doodily ?
? Diddly, doodily, diddly... ?
No couch, boys.
I gave it to the poor.
- Yay!
- Yay!
? A-diddly-doodily ?
? Diddly-doodily. ?
Neddy? Neddy.
Oh, Maude, you've come back.
Completely clothed
and untouchable.
This is the sexiest dream
I've ever had.
Wait, Maudie.
Just one little kiss.
(howls)
All tongue, no lips.
Just like Maude.
(crying)
Daddy, why are you crying?
Oh, just watering
the old lip lawn.
I had a dream about your mom.
Don't you ever dream about her?
Faster, Mommy, faster.
Aah!
Ow!
(screams)
What's wrong, Todd?
I can never unsee that.
(whimpers)
It's okay, son.
Just a bad dream.
Want some lukewarm water?
Daddy, I can't remember
what Mommy looks like.
I think I might have
a video or two of your mother.
ROD:
What's wrong?
(screams)
I'm doing
Mommy's old skin routine.
Now, that's the healthy way
to grieve.
(Todd groans)
(humming "Deck the Halls")
(giggles)
I'm scared.
Well, I have faith in you.
Who are you people,
and what have you done
with my family?
- Answer me!
- (chuckles)
Oh, Dad, every time we make you
shovel the driveway,
you wind up someplace crazy.
Won't you join us for dinner?
(chuckles):
He sure will.
I'll pick him up tomorrow.
(crying):
Mommy was so nice.
And she still is,
Roddily Doddily.
How do you know?
Have you heard from her?
Oh, uh, n-no, sir.
But, uh, faith is believing
in something without proof.
Uh, you can't see my lip
below my mustache,
- but you know it's there.
- Can I see it?
No.
My math teacher said
believing in something
without proof is crazy.
You think the coat
of many colors was crazy?
Noah's ark and the Holy Ghost,
crazy?
Don't tell me you're doubting
Balaam's talking ass.
Mommy, if you still remember me,
give me a sign.
This is Homer Simpson
auditioning
for the air guitar championship
of the world.
I'm taking you down,
Bjorn Turoque.
(imitating guitar playing)
? Praise God from whom ?
? All blessings flow ?
? Praise God ?
? It's almost time to go ?
? This boring sermon ?
? Must end soon ?
? Arena football's ?
? On at noon. ?
HOMER:
Ooh!
(crowd cheering)
Whoo-hoo!
And for that simple reason,
we are right
and Episcopalians
are wrong, wrong, wrong.
Now I'd like to invite
our littlest parishioners
to the front.
Gertie, a little
traveling music, please?
(slow hymn playing)
Soon as we can, we're
replacing her with Spotify.
I'm taking middle C.
So, tell me, young Christians,
if you could speak
to Baby Jesus,
what would you say?
I'd say thank you
for being born,
'cause that gave us Christmas.
ALL:
Aw!
Mmm, I'm killing it.
Ralph, what would you say?
I'd say, "Baby Jesus,
thank you for dying
for our shins."
(congregation chuckles)
And you, Todd?
What would you say?
(hoarsely):
I lost my voice from crying.
Oh, come on, young man.
You're my closer.
("Charge" playing)
What would you say to Jesus?
I'd say...
thanks for nothing!
My mommy's dead
and she's never coming back,
and I don't believe
in God anymore.
(feedback screeches)
(congregation gasps)
No. No!
(whimpers)
Thank God these
collection baskets were empty.
You're welcome.
? A mighty problem is our Todd ?
? His faith in God ?
? Is failing ?
? Homer accidentally killed
his mom ?
? He knocked her
off a railing. ?
Now, son,
let me put this gently.
We're all going to hell!
You opened a doorway
to disbelief in God's own house!
Why does God need
so many houses?
Couldn't some go to poor people?
You just stop right there, boy.
You do not question
God's real estate holdings
and tax-free status.
(exhales) I have to let off
a little steam.
Shucks! Shucks! Shucks!
(grunts)
That's it. Young man,
I am FaceTiming the reverend.
(chuckles):
Reverend,
I know you hate it
when I bother you.
(theme from Swan Lake playing)
- Aah!
- (crying)
It's okay. It's okay.
I'm at my daughter's
ballet recital.
Oh, is she good?
Seriously, are any of them good?
Reverend, like the pharaoh's
army in the Red Sea,
I'm in over my head.
My heathen son
needs you right now.
Oh, sorry, got to go.
I have to read the last rites...
for the art of ballet.
Lord, please punish
my boy thoroughly
so he may once again believe
in thine divine mercy.
- Daddy, I have a problem.
- Oh, you, too?
I accidentally watched
a 30 Rock by mistake.
Oh! Oh, my good, good boy.
- Mmm.
- So it's okay to watch?
Just Kenneth. Just Kenneth. Mmm.
(groans)
Good morning, Rod. Todd. God.
- Good morning.
- Morning.
Let us, uh, stiffly resume
our nice, regular routine.
Dear Lord, we thank you
for this breakfast,
each generic brand Circle-O
a symbol of God's unending love.
- Amen.
- Amen.
Todd?
Son? Can I just get an amen?
A prayer without an amen
is like a Tootsie Pop
without a center.
Oh, I apologize for thinking
the word "tootsie."
But there must be a way
to scare religion back
into my son.
Isn't there some hell on earth
I could briefly place him in?
HOMER:
Let me in, boy!
The school bus
will be here any minute!
(laughs) To find your clothes,
just solve this series of clues:
what has bark but no bite?
Um, the dog?
-(imitates buzzer)
Wrong. A tree.
-(groans)
Here's another.
If a plane crashes
on the border
of North and South Dakota,
where do you bury the survivors?
Uh, Minnesota.
(imitates buzzer)
Wrong.
You don't bury the survivors.
They're survivors!
I don't understand,
but I'll bury you.
Tell you what.
I'll give you your pants back
-if you can answer
this last one.
-Uh-huh.
- What has two hairs on top...
- Right.
- ...is somebody's dad...
- Somebody's dad, yes.
...and starting right now
he's getting quite mad?
I don't know,
but just give me my pants, boy!
(kids laughing)
(Bart laughs)
Can we take pictures?
Wait, you see that, too?
FLANDERS:
That Simpson house
will put the fear of God
in him.
Give me your pants.
Todd Flanders, I cast thee out.
? His little mind ?
? Is filled with doubt ?
? So now we have
to cast him out ?
? You'll learn
the Lord is sweet ?
? On his journey of 40 feet. ?
Daddy, do you love me more now?
(chuckles)
Just by asking,
you have committed the sin
of pride.
Yes, Ned, yes.
We'll keep him here
till tomorrow.
Yes, I'll read him
a good bedtime story.
Right, right. No wizards.
No pagans. No wild things.
How about
The Very Hungry Caterpillar?
No, that celebrates gluttony.
Clifford the Big Red Dog?
(scoffs) Clifford
the satanic abomination.
Everyone Poops?
Not me.
Todd. Psst! Todd.
I know what it's like to leave
the faith of your family.
Thank you so much, Lisa.
At last, someone gets it.
(new age music playing)
But have I got a god for you.
Consider the Buddha.
He brings peace from within.
He avoids the pitfalls of ego,
he loves yoga and Yoda,
and he's lost weight.
What happens when you die?
You get reincarnated as a human
or an animal or a ghost.
Pass. Buddha's no god,
and neither is God.
Don't worry, I'll get him.
By the way, what did you
reincarnate David Bowie as?
Help me, love. It's Bowie.
(gasps)
I've been meditating too much.
Where's Todd?
It was horrible.
I woke up,
and he'd cleaned my room.
What kind of psycho does that?
Hi, Grampa Simpson.
(exclaiming)
You're talking to me directly?
Even my Alexa won't do that.
ELDERLY FEMALE VOICE:
Being with him
has made me so tired.
HOMER:
Hey, Marge,
you may have noticed
I took a shower
earlier this week.
(makes kissing sounds)
I can't. I can't.
Not with Todd in the house.
Oh, we've had kids in the house
for ten years.
Not that one.
He's used to silence.
- He'll hear us.
- No, he won't.
TODD:
Yes, I will!
Oof! Got to get rid of that kid.
Can it be?
Oh, my goodness!
The face of our Lord and Savior
in a humble piece of toast?
Clearly,
no human could have made this.
Huh?
And the Lord said,
"Take this and eat,
for I am the toast of the town."
- You drew that on.
- No, no.
God drew it on.
Look, he signed it.
"Jebus." See?
Why would God make toast
that looked like Jesus?
'Cause parents are always
showing off pictures
- of their kids?
- (munching)
(crying):
So much innocent bread died
for my sins.
(sobbing)
So innocent.
? What is good ?
? And what is sin ?
? Bart wants
to get rid of him. ?
Yo, this is Todd.
I have to share my room
until he believes in God again.
You don't believe in God?
Well, that's crazy.
Who else but an all-loving,
omnipotent being
could create beautiful wedgies
and purple nurples?
Not so fast.
What if I'm the only being
in the universe,
and you're all
my mental projections?
Project this!
I must have wanted this
to happen!
So now that you see
how bad kids turn out,
you want to go home, right?
Stop using us as examples!
I believe your friends
are all going to Hell.
-Whoa!
-Yeah!
-Cool!
- (Homer giggling)
- (Marge moaning)
(Homer and Marge moaning)
TODD:
I hear you!
What doesn't
that little twerp hear?
TODD:
I don't know, but I heard that.
(dryer rattling)
(quietly):
Okay. He can't hear us now.
TODD:
Yes, I can.
You're unbuttoning your shirt,
Mr. Simpson.
What does that paper say?
LISA:
Oh. Hi, Todd.
Still seeking enlightenment?
I told you, not now.
Maybe I'll reconsider
your stupid beliefs
when I come back as a worm.
In Buddhism,
that's halfway to "yes"!
Look, Todd,
you don't have to believe.
In church, just smile and nod,
but be sleeping on the inside.
That works at work, too.
But I really don't believe.
I'm sad because my mommy's gone
and never coming back.
You know how that feels?
Oh, do I.
Oh, no, don't relive it. Don't!
You don't come home for dinner
till 10:00 at night.
You never cook anything
worth eating.
Well, who wants
to cook for a failure?
Good God, woman,
why did you marry me?
To piss off my mother,
and it worked!
Tell the kid I love him,
but I'm as bad at goodbyes
- as I am at picking husbands.
- (Grampa groaning)
(crying):
My mom is gone.
And so is my ice cream.
And so is my hair!
Moe, I got to get drunk.
And fast.
FLANDERS:
I'll take one, too.
BOTH:
What the...?!
I'm losing everything.
Just give me a drink!
I'm sorry, Flanders.
I can't pour you a drink.
You're too good. It's just,
it's not something I can do.
Please. I'm begging you.
Yeah, that's $24.
? Ned Flanders
is drinking today ?
? Allelujah ?
? His son Todd
has gone astray ?
? Allelujah ?
? Raise your mug
and drink it down ?
? Allelujah ?
BARITONE SINGER:
? In the worst bar ?
? In this town ?
? Allelujah. ?
(slurring): You know,
Homer, I always thought
you proved the existence of God.
I mean, you fall off cliffs,
and you're fit as a fiddle.
Well, ain't that a diddle!
(laughs)
- Diddly, diddly.
- (laughs)
- Diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle.
- (laughs): Diddly, diddly.
Whoa!
(both laughing)
So this is what it's like
to look down on someone.
(belches)
You know what, Ned?
There may...
there may not be a heaven,
but getting drunk with you
ain't hell.
(both laugh)
(mumbles):
Oh, you're great.
This is the beginning
of a beautiful...
(grunting)
You killed them!
This is the worst
Uber ride ever!
You're getting four stars.
No...!
? ?
Welcome to Heaven.
Oh, Lord. It's just as beautiful
as I pictured it.
This is your version, Ned.
Homer gets his, too.
So, not like I'm feeling
I put in way too much work,
but Homer got in, too?
Well, a couple of years ago,
sloth became a virtue.
I don't really understand it.
You'd have to talk to my kid.
He's 33 and still lives at home.
I've been through
some stuff, man.
(gasps)
Abe Lincoln!
Did you know the picture
about my life is
Spielberg's biggest movie?
No! What about Jaws and E.T.,
and all the Jurassic...?
Well, how did I do
in the awards?
- You were beaten by Argo.
- Argo?!
That was the worst experience
I ever had in a theater.
You have other people to see.
- Wear these passes.
- Visitors?
Hmm, that's odd.
It must mean that
your bodies aren't dead yet.
? We need you now ?
? O God on high ?
? So stupid Flanders
and Homer don't die. ?
Ned Flanders, I swear to you
I will use every ounce of skill
in my body
to bring you back to life.
(sniffles)
What about Homer?
Mm, que ser?, ser?.
(laughs)
(sobbing)
(sobbing)
Oh, my.
They're holding a vigil.
Look how many, many lives
Dad touched.
That's Flanders' vigil.
Dad's is over there.
Vigils are a surprisingly
large part of this job.
Oh, yeah! So sad!
Dad's an acquired taste, Lis,
like Hawaiian pizza.
Dad never judged a pizza
by where it came from.
(cries)
He just ate it.
BART:
God, this is just you and me,
so I'm gonna tell you a secre.
I love my dad,
so please don't take him.
(Lisa cries)
Bart, what are you praying for?
New bike.
Are you sure you don't want
to pray for your dad?
I can't pray.
I don't think
anyone's listening anymore.
Oh, sweetie, prayer doesn't
have to be to God.
It can also just be
an honest conversation
we have with ourselves.
Just do what your heart
tells you.
Oh, I'm not really sure
what's happening,
but I'm really sad,
and I need help.
? Rejoice, rejoice ?
? O Springfield town ?
? 'Cause what goes up ?
? Must come down. ?
(buzzing)
(ship horn blows)
(cheering)
I'm winning every bet!
And there's no stupid
Fox halftime show.
Could Heaven be any better?
(munching)
I agree. This is everything
I could possibly dream of.
(plays pretty chord)
(gasps)
Todd is praying.
He's praying for me.
(laughs)
And it's working!
I'm returning to my family!
Bye, Homer.
- Homer?
- Mom?
I never got a chance
to say goodbye, but now I can.
Remember, I'm not a hugger.
Oh, right. Sorry.
You never need
to apologize to me.
In my eyes, you're perfect.
Ah, we're in Heaven.
Come here, you.
Oh, my God,
this is all I ever wanted!
HOMER:
Aw, damn it!
Hallelujah! I'm alive and back
in this big beautiful world.
I could kiss
the first thing I see.
Ah. Promise is a promise.
- Homie!
- Dad!
- Doughboy!
- Yay!
Daddy, you came back!
I believe again!
Two lives saved by prayer.
And modern medicine.
This is why I became a doctor.
Because you both owe me $12,000.
(laughs)
No, no, no, no.
Nirvana is for closers,
and you couldn't close the deal.
- But-but...
- But-but-but-but-but nothing!
You couldn't even close
Todd frickin' Flanders!
That kid would follow
a butterfly.
Just give me one more chance.
Do you think I got
to be Buddha by being patient?!
Check this out.
I got you Ralph Wiggum.
Ralph Wiggum? What am I gonna do
with Ralph Wiggum?
Everything is nothing!
Kid, you just blew my mind.
(organ music playing)
Good night, Roddy.
Ha!
? Praise God from whom
all blessings flow ?
? Praise God ?
? It's almost time to go ?
? Todd has found
just what he seeks ?
? New episode in two weeks. ?
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
Shh!