The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 3, Episode 20 - Colonel Homer - full transcript
After yet another row with Marge, Homer goes to a bar, where he hears local waitress Lurleen Lumpkin sing and is so impressed he takes her on as his client, arranging gigs and a recording contract for her. However, when they are alone in her trailer Lurleen makes a pass at him but Homer, loyal to Marge, resists and hands over her career to another agent. Lurleen publicly celebrates Homer's fidelity in a song.
##Ahh, the Simpsons ##
D'oh!
Look, Dad, there's a spot.
- D'oh!
- There's a spot, dear.
D'oh! Oh, there's a good one.
That spot says ''compact only.''
Marge, that's just
a suggested car size.
Easy. Easy. How am I
doin' on the right?
We're getting
a lot of sparks here, Dad.
Uh-huh. Easy.
Easy.
Perfect. All right, everybody,
out the window.
They all look great.
What are we going to see?
Ernest Cuts the Cheese.!
Honey, I Hit a School Bus.!
Look Who's Oinking.!
Since we'll never agree,
why don't you kids pick a movie...
your dad and I will pick one,
then we'll all meet in the lobby later.
Thanks, Mom.
- Two tickets for--
- Let me guess. Look Who's Oinking.
- That's right.
- Sold out.
Maybe we could see something
a little more adult.
Why, Marge, you frisky little devil.
[ Sexy Growl ]
We'll take two tickets
to The Stockholm Affair.
Ooh. The paper called it
a taut political thriller.
Political?
Mr. President, disturbing news.
Serious cracks are developing
in the Greco-Bolivian alliance.
Get meJed Colic!
Oh, this movie's
too complicated.
Hey, the floor's sticky.
Who's that guy? What did that guy say
when I said, ''Who's that guy?''
Oh, that submarine is so fake.
Look, you can see the strings.
Ooh! An octopus!
- Shh!
- What?
If you don't watch the violence,
you'll never get desensitized to it.
Just tell me when
the scary part's over.
- It's over.
- I think that guy's a spy.
- Of course he's a spy.
You just saw him go
through spy school.
Oh, wait.
I heard how this ends.
Turns out the secret code was the same
nursery rhyme he told his daughter.
It's pretty obvious
if you think about it.
Shut up, Homer!
No one wants to hear what you think!
Yeah!
Homer, if it makes
you feel any better...
most of what they threw at you
splattered on me.
Homer?
Forget it, Mom.
Dad's really mad.
His tendons are throbbing.
Stress is collecting
in the trouble spots--
here, here, and here--
making for one unhappy pappy.
Homie, aren't you coming inside?
Marge, I have always
carried myself...
with a certain quiet dignity.
Tonight, you robbed me of it.
I'm going now, and I don't know
when you'll see me again.
I guess that executive stress ball
we got him isn't working.
Mmm.
Eww, a skunk.
Oh, no!
- Ooh, a redneck bar.
Hey, you, let's fight.
Them's fightin' words.
Duff, please.
We don't sell Duff.
We sell Fudd.
Okay, Fudd me.
All right.
Ladies and gentlemen...
he's all healed up
and back for more.
Let's give a big drunken welcome
to Yodeling Zeke.
#Yodel-lay-hee #
#Yodel-lay-hee #
# Odel-lay-hee #
Our next act is our very own
singing waitress-- Lurleen.
So I'm afraid drink service
will stop for a moment--
They're all yours.
Stupid Marge.
Tell me to shut up.
Thank you. Tonight I'd like to
try something different.
It's a song I wrote while I was
mopping up your dried blood and teeth.
#You work all day
for some old man #
- # Sweat and break your back #
- Yeah.
#Then you go home
to your castle #
# But your queen
won't cut you slack #
That's true.
#That's why you're losing
all your hair #
- #That's why you're overweight #
- Uh-huh.
#That's why you flipped
your pickup truck #
# Right off the interstate #
That's right,
except for the truck.
#There's a lot of bull
they hand you #
#There's nothing you can do #
#Your wife don't understand you #
# But I do #
# No, your wife
don't understand you #
# But I do #
# I said,
no one understands you #
# But I do ##
Hey, Lurleen? I gotta
say something to you.
- I'm listening.
- Your song touched me in a way
I've never felt before.
And which way to the can?
- So, what's your name, stranger?
- HomerJ. Simpson.
I'm Lurleen Lumpkin.
- That's a pretty name.
- You think so?
Maybe. I'm not sure.
I forgot it.
Bye, Lurleen.
So long, HomerJ. Simpson.
Hello.
Where were you all night?
I was at this bar
in Spittle County.
You should have called.
I was worried.
Let's end this feudin' and a-fussin'
and get down to some lovin'.
##I work all day ##
Doctor, you weren't supposed
to remove his gall bladder.
Put it back!
Put it back!
## Your wife don't understand you ##
# But I do #
Gee, Homer's singing
to his ball again.
- He's bowling a 280.
- Oh, yeah?
#There's a kind of hush #
#All over the world tonight #
Moe, you got any Fudd?
Fudd? They took that off the market
after all those hillbillies went blind.
No-- I went to this bar
the other night and--
Wait a minute.
You went to another bar?
Moe, I was 1 00 miles
out of town.
Oh, Homer.
Well, if it isn't
HomerJ. Simpson.
I can't get your song
out of my mind.
I haven't felt this way
since ''Funkytown.''
Aren't you sweet.
Can I get a copy of it?
Sorry, darling.
All my songs are up here--
''I'm Basting a Turkey
With My Tears''...
''Don't Look Up My Dress
Unless You Mean It''...
''I'm Sick of Your Lying Lips
and False Teeth.''
We've got to crack open your head
and scoop out those songs.
- I don't know.
- Come with me.
# I said no one understands you #
# But I do #
Listen, ma'am.
My brother owns a radio station
in Weevilville...
and I'd like to take
your C.D. to him.
Homer, it's your quarter.
What do you say?
I guess so.
This is KUDD 570 AM.
Don't touch that dial.
You've got KUDD on it.
#You work all day for some old man #
# Sweat and break your back #
For the next half hour,
beer's on the house.
- What did you say, Moe?
- Nothing.
I thought I told you
to stay away from my sister!
# But your queen
won't cut you slack #
Oh, here's 50 bucks.
Take her to the Copa.
# Now you talk so tough
and act so rough #
It's payback time.
#The heartache and the sadness #
#That's buried deep inside #
Aww.
Puts this whole riot
into perspective, doesn't it?
# No one understands you,
but I do #
She's wonderful.
I could feel her country soul
in every digitally encoded bit.
Country music sucks.
It takes precious air space
from shock deejays...
whose cruelty and profanity
amuse us all.
Shut up, boy.
Marge, what do you think?
It's nice,
but who is this woman?
Right now she's an out-of-work
cocktail waitress...
but she's going to be
a country music superstar...
like that jerk in the cowboy hat
and that dead lady.
I don't like you
hanging around some waitress.
You make it sound so seamy.
All I did was spend
the afternoon in her trailer...
watching her try on some outfits.
Hi, Lurleen.
We were just talking about you.
I think I can come over.
Let me ask my wife.
It's a date.
Oh, Homer.
Everybody's been calling--
Mama, Daddy, the triplets...
Vonda Mae, PineyJoe--
and I owe it all to you.
Don't thank me.
You should be thanking
your brain.
Oh, Homer.
No man has ever been
this nice to me without...
you know,
wanting something in return.
I was gonna ask for some water,
but now I feel guilty about it.
Homer, you're just
a big sack of sugar.
- Thanks. You did say ''sugar,'' right?
- Uh-huh.
Now, Homer,
I want you to be my manager.
Really? I should warn you,
I'm not great with figures.
- That's okay.
- I make stupid decisions.
- Nobody's perfect.
- I did bad in school.
- I didn't even go.
- My personal hygiene
has been described as--
Homer, Homer,
you'll be a great manager.
There's only one thing you need.
This is made from
a space-age fabric...
developed especially for Elvis.
Sweat actually cleans this suit.
Hmm.
Marge, look at me.
I don't want to.
I'm mad at you.
I'm sick of that waitress...
and this whole country music thing.
Then you'd better not look at me.
Homer, where did you get that suit?
A friend bought it for me.
Was it Lurleen?
No. I think it was Lenny.
Don't lie to me.
- Are you having an affair?
- No!
- Have you kissed her?
- No!
- Has she kissed you?
- Couple of times.
I want you to stop seeing her.
I can't.
I'm her manager.
Her manager!
That's ridiculous.
I won't allow you to spend
any more time away from your family.
You're standing in the way
of my boyhood dream...
of managing
a beautiful country singer!
Your boyhood dream was to eat
the world's biggest hoagie.
You did it at the county fair
last year, remember?
Lurleen will be a big success,
and I'll be there.
Fine. See if I care!
[ Man ]
This studio has history.
Buddy Holly stood here
in 1 958 and said...
''There is no way in hell
I'll record in this dump.''
I'm sure Lurleen will love it.
How much did you
just give that man?
Calm down, Marge.
Just our life savings.
I'm not going into hock for this.
Hey, Colonel Homer.
And you must be--
- Mrs. Homer Simpson.
- Charmed.
I thought you said
she was overweight.
It takes two to lie--
one to lie and one to listen.
What does that mean?
I don't have time to answer that.
Time is money.
Come on, people.
Well, come on, boys.
Let's break some hearts.
# Oh, the bases were empty
on the diamond of my heart #
#When the coach called me up
to the plate #
# I'd been swingin' and missin' #
#At lovin' and kissin' #
# My average was
point double-0 eight #
# So I spit on my hands #
# Knockin' dirt from my spikes #
#And pointed
right towards center field #
#This time I'm hittin'
a home run #
#This time love is for real #
Hey, Dad, can I do a hambone solo?
Stop it.
# ...for you #
# I been slumpin' all season #
# But now I found a reason #
# I struck on a love
that is true #
# I used to play the field #
# I used to be a roamer #
# But season's turnin' around
for me now #
# I finally bagged me a Homer #
That's right.
# I finally bagged me a Homer ##
Lurleen, we'll have to cut you off.
We're getting a grinding noise
on the track.
You, off the bench.
Guess what, Lurleen.
I got you a gig on TV.
Oh, Homer, you're as smart
as you are handsome.
Hey! Oh, you meant that
as a compliment.
Now, on this show they want you
to sing two songs.
Maybe we should give them
something new.
Well, I have been working on something
that could really heat things up.
Let's hear it.
# In this trailer #
# I get so cold and lonely #
# Lyin' there awake at night #
# Muttering, ''If only
you weren't married'' #
# So I might ask you to #
# Bunk with me tonight #
# Bunk with me tonight #
# Oh, bunk with me tonight #
# I'm asking will you
bunk with me #
#Tonight ##
Oh, that's hot.
There isn't a man alive
who wouldn't get turned on by that.
Well, good-bye.
Uh, Homer, there's a hidden
message to this song...
that you may have missed.
Really listen.
# Bunk with me tonight #
- Uh-huh.
- # Bunk with me #
#Tonight #
- Right.
- # I'm asking #
#Will you bunk #
#With me tonight ##
- Lurleen!
- That's right, HomerJ.
I gotta think about this.
All our money's tied up in this woman.
If she fails, we're broke.
If she succeeds,
I have no husband.
I don't know what to root for.
- You don't?
- I gotta go.
- Homer?
- Later, Marge. Lurleen's on TV tonight.
I gotta get ready.
Just so you know, while you
and Lurleen were out judging
that greased pig contest...
Maggie got her first tooth.
That's great, honey.
Have you seen my rattlesnake hatband?
You're not even listening to me.
Sure they will.
Kids, will you come in here?
You've got a wonderful family, Homer.
Please don't forget it when
you walk out that door tonight.
Uh, I gotta go.
As much as I hate
that man right now...
you got to love that suit.
Hold on to your pitchforks,
everybody.
It's time again for Ya Hoo.!
Starring, in alphabetical order...
Yodeling Zeke,
ButterballJackson...
Freddie Boy and Yuma,
Cloris Moselle...
Big Shirtless Ron...
Orville and Hurley,
Gappy Mae...
Hip Diddler, Rudy...
the Ya Hoo
Recovering AlcoholicJug Band...
and tonight, in her syndicated
TV debut-- Lurleen!
# Oh, the bases were empty #
Excuse me, are you
Colonel Homer Simpson?
- Yes, I am.
- I'm from Rebel Yell Records.
- I'm interested in buying
Lurleen's contract.
- Forget it, pal.
They don't call me Colonel Homer
because I'm some dumb-ass army guy.
Lurleen, they loved you.
I'm still a little itchy
from that fiberglass hay.
Is there anything you need?
Well, you could make
my evening complete.
What's wrong?
My whole romantic life
is flashing before my eyes.
- Gross!
Thanks for dinner.
Ow!
No!
At least, could I have my dollar--
I'll love you
for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry, Lurleen.
All I wanted to do was share
your beautiful voice...
with other people,
and I've done that.
Now, I'd better get out of here
before I lose my family.
Just so I don't wonder--you would have
gone all the way with me?
- Uh-huh.
- Ooh. Okay.
Before we negotiate,
I have to tell you...
I'm desperate to unload Lurleen
and I'll take any offer.
- I'll give you 50 bucks.
- You son of a--
Sold.
I caught my wife in bed...
with my best friend.
- You bitter?
- Yep. Bit him too.
And now, once again-- Lurleen.
Homer?
Is there any room in that bed
for a dad-burned fool?
Always has been.
I'd like to play a song
I wrote just this minute.
It's called
''Stand By Your Manager.''
# His name is Homer #
# He's quite a man #
# I tried to kiss him #
# But Homer ran #
# Sure wish I could say #
#That I was his #
# I hope that Marge knows #
#Just how lucky she is ##
I do.
Shh!
D'oh!
Look, Dad, there's a spot.
- D'oh!
- There's a spot, dear.
D'oh! Oh, there's a good one.
That spot says ''compact only.''
Marge, that's just
a suggested car size.
Easy. Easy. How am I
doin' on the right?
We're getting
a lot of sparks here, Dad.
Uh-huh. Easy.
Easy.
Perfect. All right, everybody,
out the window.
They all look great.
What are we going to see?
Ernest Cuts the Cheese.!
Honey, I Hit a School Bus.!
Look Who's Oinking.!
Since we'll never agree,
why don't you kids pick a movie...
your dad and I will pick one,
then we'll all meet in the lobby later.
Thanks, Mom.
- Two tickets for--
- Let me guess. Look Who's Oinking.
- That's right.
- Sold out.
Maybe we could see something
a little more adult.
Why, Marge, you frisky little devil.
[ Sexy Growl ]
We'll take two tickets
to The Stockholm Affair.
Ooh. The paper called it
a taut political thriller.
Political?
Mr. President, disturbing news.
Serious cracks are developing
in the Greco-Bolivian alliance.
Get meJed Colic!
Oh, this movie's
too complicated.
Hey, the floor's sticky.
Who's that guy? What did that guy say
when I said, ''Who's that guy?''
Oh, that submarine is so fake.
Look, you can see the strings.
Ooh! An octopus!
- Shh!
- What?
If you don't watch the violence,
you'll never get desensitized to it.
Just tell me when
the scary part's over.
- It's over.
- I think that guy's a spy.
- Of course he's a spy.
You just saw him go
through spy school.
Oh, wait.
I heard how this ends.
Turns out the secret code was the same
nursery rhyme he told his daughter.
It's pretty obvious
if you think about it.
Shut up, Homer!
No one wants to hear what you think!
Yeah!
Homer, if it makes
you feel any better...
most of what they threw at you
splattered on me.
Homer?
Forget it, Mom.
Dad's really mad.
His tendons are throbbing.
Stress is collecting
in the trouble spots--
here, here, and here--
making for one unhappy pappy.
Homie, aren't you coming inside?
Marge, I have always
carried myself...
with a certain quiet dignity.
Tonight, you robbed me of it.
I'm going now, and I don't know
when you'll see me again.
I guess that executive stress ball
we got him isn't working.
Mmm.
Eww, a skunk.
Oh, no!
- Ooh, a redneck bar.
Hey, you, let's fight.
Them's fightin' words.
Duff, please.
We don't sell Duff.
We sell Fudd.
Okay, Fudd me.
All right.
Ladies and gentlemen...
he's all healed up
and back for more.
Let's give a big drunken welcome
to Yodeling Zeke.
#Yodel-lay-hee #
#Yodel-lay-hee #
# Odel-lay-hee #
Our next act is our very own
singing waitress-- Lurleen.
So I'm afraid drink service
will stop for a moment--
They're all yours.
Stupid Marge.
Tell me to shut up.
Thank you. Tonight I'd like to
try something different.
It's a song I wrote while I was
mopping up your dried blood and teeth.
#You work all day
for some old man #
- # Sweat and break your back #
- Yeah.
#Then you go home
to your castle #
# But your queen
won't cut you slack #
That's true.
#That's why you're losing
all your hair #
- #That's why you're overweight #
- Uh-huh.
#That's why you flipped
your pickup truck #
# Right off the interstate #
That's right,
except for the truck.
#There's a lot of bull
they hand you #
#There's nothing you can do #
#Your wife don't understand you #
# But I do #
# No, your wife
don't understand you #
# But I do #
# I said,
no one understands you #
# But I do ##
Hey, Lurleen? I gotta
say something to you.
- I'm listening.
- Your song touched me in a way
I've never felt before.
And which way to the can?
- So, what's your name, stranger?
- HomerJ. Simpson.
I'm Lurleen Lumpkin.
- That's a pretty name.
- You think so?
Maybe. I'm not sure.
I forgot it.
Bye, Lurleen.
So long, HomerJ. Simpson.
Hello.
Where were you all night?
I was at this bar
in Spittle County.
You should have called.
I was worried.
Let's end this feudin' and a-fussin'
and get down to some lovin'.
##I work all day ##
Doctor, you weren't supposed
to remove his gall bladder.
Put it back!
Put it back!
## Your wife don't understand you ##
# But I do #
Gee, Homer's singing
to his ball again.
- He's bowling a 280.
- Oh, yeah?
#There's a kind of hush #
#All over the world tonight #
Moe, you got any Fudd?
Fudd? They took that off the market
after all those hillbillies went blind.
No-- I went to this bar
the other night and--
Wait a minute.
You went to another bar?
Moe, I was 1 00 miles
out of town.
Oh, Homer.
Well, if it isn't
HomerJ. Simpson.
I can't get your song
out of my mind.
I haven't felt this way
since ''Funkytown.''
Aren't you sweet.
Can I get a copy of it?
Sorry, darling.
All my songs are up here--
''I'm Basting a Turkey
With My Tears''...
''Don't Look Up My Dress
Unless You Mean It''...
''I'm Sick of Your Lying Lips
and False Teeth.''
We've got to crack open your head
and scoop out those songs.
- I don't know.
- Come with me.
# I said no one understands you #
# But I do #
Listen, ma'am.
My brother owns a radio station
in Weevilville...
and I'd like to take
your C.D. to him.
Homer, it's your quarter.
What do you say?
I guess so.
This is KUDD 570 AM.
Don't touch that dial.
You've got KUDD on it.
#You work all day for some old man #
# Sweat and break your back #
For the next half hour,
beer's on the house.
- What did you say, Moe?
- Nothing.
I thought I told you
to stay away from my sister!
# But your queen
won't cut you slack #
Oh, here's 50 bucks.
Take her to the Copa.
# Now you talk so tough
and act so rough #
It's payback time.
#The heartache and the sadness #
#That's buried deep inside #
Aww.
Puts this whole riot
into perspective, doesn't it?
# No one understands you,
but I do #
She's wonderful.
I could feel her country soul
in every digitally encoded bit.
Country music sucks.
It takes precious air space
from shock deejays...
whose cruelty and profanity
amuse us all.
Shut up, boy.
Marge, what do you think?
It's nice,
but who is this woman?
Right now she's an out-of-work
cocktail waitress...
but she's going to be
a country music superstar...
like that jerk in the cowboy hat
and that dead lady.
I don't like you
hanging around some waitress.
You make it sound so seamy.
All I did was spend
the afternoon in her trailer...
watching her try on some outfits.
Hi, Lurleen.
We were just talking about you.
I think I can come over.
Let me ask my wife.
It's a date.
Oh, Homer.
Everybody's been calling--
Mama, Daddy, the triplets...
Vonda Mae, PineyJoe--
and I owe it all to you.
Don't thank me.
You should be thanking
your brain.
Oh, Homer.
No man has ever been
this nice to me without...
you know,
wanting something in return.
I was gonna ask for some water,
but now I feel guilty about it.
Homer, you're just
a big sack of sugar.
- Thanks. You did say ''sugar,'' right?
- Uh-huh.
Now, Homer,
I want you to be my manager.
Really? I should warn you,
I'm not great with figures.
- That's okay.
- I make stupid decisions.
- Nobody's perfect.
- I did bad in school.
- I didn't even go.
- My personal hygiene
has been described as--
Homer, Homer,
you'll be a great manager.
There's only one thing you need.
This is made from
a space-age fabric...
developed especially for Elvis.
Sweat actually cleans this suit.
Hmm.
Marge, look at me.
I don't want to.
I'm mad at you.
I'm sick of that waitress...
and this whole country music thing.
Then you'd better not look at me.
Homer, where did you get that suit?
A friend bought it for me.
Was it Lurleen?
No. I think it was Lenny.
Don't lie to me.
- Are you having an affair?
- No!
- Have you kissed her?
- No!
- Has she kissed you?
- Couple of times.
I want you to stop seeing her.
I can't.
I'm her manager.
Her manager!
That's ridiculous.
I won't allow you to spend
any more time away from your family.
You're standing in the way
of my boyhood dream...
of managing
a beautiful country singer!
Your boyhood dream was to eat
the world's biggest hoagie.
You did it at the county fair
last year, remember?
Lurleen will be a big success,
and I'll be there.
Fine. See if I care!
[ Man ]
This studio has history.
Buddy Holly stood here
in 1 958 and said...
''There is no way in hell
I'll record in this dump.''
I'm sure Lurleen will love it.
How much did you
just give that man?
Calm down, Marge.
Just our life savings.
I'm not going into hock for this.
Hey, Colonel Homer.
And you must be--
- Mrs. Homer Simpson.
- Charmed.
I thought you said
she was overweight.
It takes two to lie--
one to lie and one to listen.
What does that mean?
I don't have time to answer that.
Time is money.
Come on, people.
Well, come on, boys.
Let's break some hearts.
# Oh, the bases were empty
on the diamond of my heart #
#When the coach called me up
to the plate #
# I'd been swingin' and missin' #
#At lovin' and kissin' #
# My average was
point double-0 eight #
# So I spit on my hands #
# Knockin' dirt from my spikes #
#And pointed
right towards center field #
#This time I'm hittin'
a home run #
#This time love is for real #
Hey, Dad, can I do a hambone solo?
Stop it.
# ...for you #
# I been slumpin' all season #
# But now I found a reason #
# I struck on a love
that is true #
# I used to play the field #
# I used to be a roamer #
# But season's turnin' around
for me now #
# I finally bagged me a Homer #
That's right.
# I finally bagged me a Homer ##
Lurleen, we'll have to cut you off.
We're getting a grinding noise
on the track.
You, off the bench.
Guess what, Lurleen.
I got you a gig on TV.
Oh, Homer, you're as smart
as you are handsome.
Hey! Oh, you meant that
as a compliment.
Now, on this show they want you
to sing two songs.
Maybe we should give them
something new.
Well, I have been working on something
that could really heat things up.
Let's hear it.
# In this trailer #
# I get so cold and lonely #
# Lyin' there awake at night #
# Muttering, ''If only
you weren't married'' #
# So I might ask you to #
# Bunk with me tonight #
# Bunk with me tonight #
# Oh, bunk with me tonight #
# I'm asking will you
bunk with me #
#Tonight ##
Oh, that's hot.
There isn't a man alive
who wouldn't get turned on by that.
Well, good-bye.
Uh, Homer, there's a hidden
message to this song...
that you may have missed.
Really listen.
# Bunk with me tonight #
- Uh-huh.
- # Bunk with me #
#Tonight #
- Right.
- # I'm asking #
#Will you bunk #
#With me tonight ##
- Lurleen!
- That's right, HomerJ.
I gotta think about this.
All our money's tied up in this woman.
If she fails, we're broke.
If she succeeds,
I have no husband.
I don't know what to root for.
- You don't?
- I gotta go.
- Homer?
- Later, Marge. Lurleen's on TV tonight.
I gotta get ready.
Just so you know, while you
and Lurleen were out judging
that greased pig contest...
Maggie got her first tooth.
That's great, honey.
Have you seen my rattlesnake hatband?
You're not even listening to me.
Sure they will.
Kids, will you come in here?
You've got a wonderful family, Homer.
Please don't forget it when
you walk out that door tonight.
Uh, I gotta go.
As much as I hate
that man right now...
you got to love that suit.
Hold on to your pitchforks,
everybody.
It's time again for Ya Hoo.!
Starring, in alphabetical order...
Yodeling Zeke,
ButterballJackson...
Freddie Boy and Yuma,
Cloris Moselle...
Big Shirtless Ron...
Orville and Hurley,
Gappy Mae...
Hip Diddler, Rudy...
the Ya Hoo
Recovering AlcoholicJug Band...
and tonight, in her syndicated
TV debut-- Lurleen!
# Oh, the bases were empty #
Excuse me, are you
Colonel Homer Simpson?
- Yes, I am.
- I'm from Rebel Yell Records.
- I'm interested in buying
Lurleen's contract.
- Forget it, pal.
They don't call me Colonel Homer
because I'm some dumb-ass army guy.
Lurleen, they loved you.
I'm still a little itchy
from that fiberglass hay.
Is there anything you need?
Well, you could make
my evening complete.
What's wrong?
My whole romantic life
is flashing before my eyes.
- Gross!
Thanks for dinner.
Ow!
No!
At least, could I have my dollar--
I'll love you
for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry, Lurleen.
All I wanted to do was share
your beautiful voice...
with other people,
and I've done that.
Now, I'd better get out of here
before I lose my family.
Just so I don't wonder--you would have
gone all the way with me?
- Uh-huh.
- Ooh. Okay.
Before we negotiate,
I have to tell you...
I'm desperate to unload Lurleen
and I'll take any offer.
- I'll give you 50 bucks.
- You son of a--
Sold.
I caught my wife in bed...
with my best friend.
- You bitter?
- Yep. Bit him too.
And now, once again-- Lurleen.
Homer?
Is there any room in that bed
for a dad-burned fool?
Always has been.
I'd like to play a song
I wrote just this minute.
It's called
''Stand By Your Manager.''
# His name is Homer #
# He's quite a man #
# I tried to kiss him #
# But Homer ran #
# Sure wish I could say #
#That I was his #
# I hope that Marge knows #
#Just how lucky she is ##
I do.
Shh!