The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 3, Episode 21 - Black Widower - full transcript
Marge's sister Selma has been writing to Sideshow Bob whilst he was in prison, and, on his release announces their intention to marry. Bart is appalled. Unlike everybody else he is unconvinced that Bob has changed and believes that, as Selma has come into money, he will attempt to murder her on their honeymoon. And he is right. Putting two and two together Bart works out how Bob plans to blow Selma up and manages to thwart him in time.
D'oh!
Would you turn off
that rock 'n' rock music?
Don't have
a stegosaurus, man.
These talking dinosaurs
are more real...
than most real families
on TV.
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Look, Maggie,
they have a baby too.
It's like they saw our lives
and put it up on screen.
Kids, I know
you're excited...
about meeting
Aunt Selma's boyfriend.
Before he gets here...
I should tell you
something about him--
something disturbing.
Ooh!
Ooh!
Ee-ugh!
Aunt Selma has
this crazy obsession...
about not dying alone...
so in desperation...
she joined this prison
pen pal program.
Her new sweetie
is a jailbird.
Cool, he can teach us...
how to kill a man
with a lunch tray.
Now, now, he's
an ex-convict.
He's paid his debt
to society.
Then why
aren't you using...
the good silverware?
- I'm just not.
That's them.
Remember, everyone...
be understanding
and forgiving...
for the sake
of family unity.
Everyone...
I'd like you to meet--
Aah! It's Sideshow Bob!
What the..?
I'm afraid their reaction
is understandable.
Bart is the shamus in short pants
who sent me to prison.
Your new boyfriend here
framed Krusty the Clown...
- for armed robbery.
If some snot-nosed little kid
sent me to prison...
the first thing out
I'd find out where he lives...
and tear him
a new belly-button.
Lousy snitch.
Yaah!
You're forgetting
the first two noble truths...
of the Buddha.
- I am not.
- Yes, you are.
One:
existence is suffering.
Two: the cause
of suffering is desire--
in this case, my desire
to do high-quality...
children's programming.
When prison ended that dream,
I became a seething cauldron...
of rage and recrimination.
When I was nominated for
best supporting performer...
in a children's program
at the Daytime Emmy Awards...
my bitterness ruined
the greatest night of my life.
And the nominees are:
Droopy Drawers...
Colonel Coward...
Pepito, the biggest cat
in the whole wide world...
Sideshow Bob...
and Suckup the Vacuum.
And the Emmy goes to...
I don't believe this...
Sideshow Bob.
This is one more Emmy
than you'll ever win...
you bantering jack-in-the-box!
Just don't drop it
in the shower.
- No-talent, shill!
- Second banana!
- Panderer!
- Bore!
Uh, now for the highlight
of the evening--
Best film-to-video transfer.
Do you know
what prison is like...
for a life-long
Republican?
In our overcrowded cell
we became little more than beasts.
- Who used my chap stick?
- Oh, I did. Here you go.
I don't want it.
My only joy came with plotting
a horrible revenge...
against the boy
who put me there.
Ay, caramba!
Bart, if I
wanted to kill you...
- I'd have choked you
as soon as I walked in.
But what kind of guest
would I have been?
Now, where was I?
Ah, yes-- my lowest ebb.
You can't take
my Emmy.
You know the rules:
awards for entertainment
are contraband.
No Emmys, no Oscars,
not even a Golden Globe.
But kismet be kind,
well as cruel.
I received an answer
to my letter...
from the prison
pen pal program.
''Dear #2 460 1...
''I need a man
and cannot find one...
''among the law abiding.
''I have a steady job
and a lucrative hobby::
''filing nuisance lawsuits.
''I share an apartment
with my twin sister.
''Enclosed is a photo of us
on a tandem bike.
I forget which one I am. ''
''Dear Selma...
''your latest letter
set off a riot...
in the maximum-security wing
of my heart. ''
- Ohhh...
- [ Pffft ]
Like the lone crocus
that pokes through
the prison yard...
our love bloomed
despite all obstacles.
Selma, may I?
Uh, uh, uh...
on the cheek.
Inspired by the love
of a good woman...
I resolved to be
the best darned inmate
#2 460 1 I could be.
I bade farewell
to my cellmates...
and left
with the woman I loved.
Cutter.
Icepick.
Snake.
I'm going to miss you
most of all.
Aww!
What a beautiful story,
Sideshow Bob.
You're living proof
that our revolving-door
prison system works.
I've never seen you so happy--
giggling like a schoolgirl.
I've got to admit it, Selma...
he's a once-in-a-lifetime catch.
I hope the police
are saying that as well.
I can't believe you guys.
This man framed
Krusty the Clown.
- Bart!
- Indeed, I did...
and I thank you for catching me.
You seized the wheel...
of my slow boat to hell,
and pointed it...
towards the sunny shores of Selma.
Here, here.
Would you mind...
if I did something
bold and shocking...
in front of your family?
All right,
but no tongues.
Though kissing you
is like kissing some divine ashtray...
that's not
what I had in mind.
- Selma, will you marry me?
- [ Gasps ]
Don't be a fool.
That man is scum.
Then call me ''Mrs. Scum.''
Could you...
pumice my corns for me?
Avec plaisir.
''A''... ''G''...
''Q''... Seven...
Close enough.
May you drive safely...
and find true love.
We now return to...
Whoo-hoo! I love you people!
I love my kids!
Poor little guys.
So tragic.
So nauseous.
You should see the bus
they came to the studio in.
What's next?
Oh, yeah.
And now, a man who needs
no introduction...
''The Chairman of the Company''--
you know who I'm talking about.
Get out here, you gumba!
who wants to say hello.
- Huh? What?
- I can't believe it!
They've been feuding for years.
Come here, you.
- Oh, you old clown, you.
- I missed you.
This guy is
a national treasure.
That jerk I got
to replace you, he isn't fit
to hold your slide whistle.
All I can be is myself.
Krusty, can you ever forgive me
for putting you in jail?
If they open the books on this telethon
I'm right back in there.
- That Sideshow Bob is
a no-good show biz phony.
Come on, Bart.
If Krusty can find it in his heart
to forgive him surely you can too.
Now, about your wedding dress...
how should I put this?
- White!
- White.
What would you like
for appetizers?
Ooh, appetizers.
Homer, you're a trencherman.
What should we serve?
Well, you can't go wrong
with cocktail weenies.
They taste as good
as they look...
and they come in this
delicious red sauce.
It looks like ketchup,
it tastes like ketchup...
but, brother, it ain't ketchup!
Selma, he makes a good case.
Whatever you want.
It all tastes
like Styrofoam to me.
Selma, dear, I'm confused.
When I was a kid...
we were playing
with bottle rockets...
and one shot
straight up my nose.
I permanently lost my sense
of taste and smell.
Okay, we've got cocktail weenies
and Swedish meatballs.
Selma, this wedding
is spinning out of control.
I've run through
eight of the ten dollars...
they gave me
when I left prison.
I told you I got money.
I bought stock
in a Mace company...
just before
society crumbled.
Selma, that's wonderful!
I hope people don't think...
I'm marrying you
for your money...
instead of your...
less tangible qualities.
Tomorrow we'll be
Mr. and Mrs. Bob Terwilliger.
Isn't it grand?
Hey, Bob, give some
of that honey this way.
Mmm... mmm!
Holy frijoles!
We've got ten minutes
till MacGyver.
Driver, here's a fin.
Get me home, and don't spare the whip.
Whatever you say, mum.
- What did I miss?
MacGyver was wearing a tank top.
Dang.
But I'm the only man in your life.
Sit down and shut up!
Se?or MacGyver,
you saved our village.
Don't thank me.
Thank the moon's
gravitational pull.
That MacGyver's a genius.
First of all, he's not a genius.
He's an actor.
And second,
he's not much of an actor.
You're lying.
You're lying!
No, this is lying--
that was a well-plotted piece
of non-claptrap...
that never made me retch.
- No!
He was so cruel.
The things he said...
they're just not true.
There. There.
The wedding's off.
Fiddle-dee-dee.
Tomorrow's another day.
Bart, stop that!
No, he's right.
We're a package.
Love me, love MacGyver.
I guess the wedding's off.
Selma, I don't know what to say.
Just tell me you like MacGyver.
Very well.
I-- I--
I can't do it!
Even that car chase seemed tacked on.
Would you two knock it off?
I hate all the programs
Marge likes...
but it's no big deal.
You know why?
- No.
- Go on.
Whenever Marge puts on...
one of her nonviolent programs,
I take a walk.
I go to a bar,
I pound a few...
then I stumble home
in the mood for love.
Very well, Selma.
Whenever you watch MacGyver...
I'll take a vigorous constitutional...
and return more in love than ever.
Oh, Bob.
Bart no like.
Bad medicine.
I could have been
the flower girl...
and I wouldn't keep
falling down either.
Hey, they chose Maggie, okay?
If you want to go
for cutesyness...
instead of competence, fine.
Do you, Bob, take Selma...
to have and to hold,
in sickness and in health...
till death do you part?
- Mmm.
- Oh.
Hey, wiener boy...
where do you think you're going?
I'm the only single girl
left in the family.
Well, I guess
it could be worse.
Oh, there's Krusty the Clown.
Krusty!
Krusty, say something funny.
Oh, gee, a joke, huh?
Um... uh... funny.
Okay,
this guy walks into a bar...
and takes out a tiny piano
and a 1 2-inch pianist--
Oh, no, wait.
I can't tell that one.
Dear friends, 41 years ago...
God took 1 68 pounds of clay,
and he made me a woman...
and for this,
I thank him.
I just wanted to say...
on the advice
of my new husband...
I've decided
to give up smoking...
except for after meals
and after MacGyver.
Selma, dear,
you'll bury us all.
Chief Wiggum,
you've been around.
You don't trust
Sideshow Bob, do you?
Lighten up, son.
If he was going to commit a crime...
would he have invited
the number-one cop in town?
Now, where did I put my gun?
Oh, yeah. I set it down
when I got some cake.
I don't know what to say.
Just tell me what you
know I want to hear.
I'm dying of jealousy.
Thank you.
That's right, dear.
Enjoy your rest.
The wedding was
very tough on you...
and the honeymoon
is going to be...
murder.
Welcome to our video honeymoon.
We're using the video camera
cousin Doug gave us...
and the videocassette
Homer gave us.
Hey, and after we watch this,
we can tape over it.
There's Shelbyville Falls,
Rolling Rock...
and here's another
breathtaking sight...
my brand-new hubby.
I wanted a room
with a fireplace...
you brainless luggage monkey!
Like the one in your brochure!
Oh, Selma, dear.
I was just chatting
with my good friend... Dennis.
Now, smile for the camera,
that's a good lad.
Ah, fire--
Scourge of Prometheus,
toaster of marshmallows...
eradicator of deadwood.
Oh, Selma, dear--
you and your little camera.
What do you say we
shut it off for a while?
And make love?
I suppose so.
Oh, that's sweet.
Why would Sideshow Bob
go so nuts over a fireplace?
Because he wants
his honeymoon...
to be romantic.
Romantic? With Aunt Selma?
I guess you're too young
to understand.
Hmm...
Bob, one of my fillings fell out.
Even murder
has its ugly side.
Bob, would you mind
rubbing my feet?
Darling,
you make it sound like a chore.
Ooh. Oh.
Good. Mmm.
- Soon I will kill you.
- Huh?
Son pieds sentit beau--
French for ''her foot smells lovely.''
Oh.
Prepare to be murdered.
Huh?
That's... Sanskrit for
''your toes are like perfume.''
- Voy a matar a usted.
- Wha?
That's Spanish for
''I am going to kill you.''
- Say what?
- I do believe it's time...
for your beloved MacGyver.
- Oh, hey, you're right.
- Well, time for my walk.
- Mm.
Don't forget to die.
Ding-dong.
I was feeling kind of lonely
without Selma.
Mind if I watch TVwith you?
Oh, go ahead, Patty.
Tonight, on MacGyver...
MacGyver...
MacGyver...
MacGyver...
Aunt Selma has one hour to live.
Hey, down in front.
Good-bye.
Front desk, there's been
a terrible accident in my room!
Poor Selma.
You were having...
such a lovely evening...
Selma!
Oh!
You tried to kill me.
I want a separation.
My best-laid plans
have gang agley.
Do you have room in your jail...
for a two-time loser?
No, but that never
stopped us before.
Bart, I must know...
how did you untangle my web?
Yeah, Bart, clue us in.
I'd hate to tell
the number-one cop in town...
how to do his job.
No, please, it's
the only way I'll learn.
All right.
Sideshow Bob
seemed desperate...
to get that fireplace, but why?
Then it hit me--
The gas!
Surely anyone would
have noticed a gas leak...
except Aunt Selma.
I permanently lost
my sense of smell.
She happily watched MacGyver...
unaware that her room...
was silently filling
with natural gas.
All it needed to explode...
was a single spark,
say, from a cigarette.
I've decided...
to give up smoking...
except after meals
and MacGyver.
Her only hope was a plucky
young boy and his slow-witted father.
When Aunt Selma lights up
after MacGyver...
she'll be blown
to kingdom come.
Come again?
After trying four times
to explain it to Homer...
I explained it to Mom
and we were on our way!
To the Simpson Mobile!
But wait. If you saved Selma,
why did the room explode?
Oh, I'll field that one.
Oh, right, the gas.
with all my criminal buddies!
I feel like such a fool.
Well, he fooled
almost everyone...
but there was one little boy
who never lost his mistrust.
Thanks, Mom.
Now, let's get out
of this gas-filled hallway...
- before we all suffocate.
- Shh.
Would you turn off
that rock 'n' rock music?
Don't have
a stegosaurus, man.
These talking dinosaurs
are more real...
than most real families
on TV.
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Look, Maggie,
they have a baby too.
It's like they saw our lives
and put it up on screen.
Kids, I know
you're excited...
about meeting
Aunt Selma's boyfriend.
Before he gets here...
I should tell you
something about him--
something disturbing.
Ooh!
Ooh!
Ee-ugh!
Aunt Selma has
this crazy obsession...
about not dying alone...
so in desperation...
she joined this prison
pen pal program.
Her new sweetie
is a jailbird.
Cool, he can teach us...
how to kill a man
with a lunch tray.
Now, now, he's
an ex-convict.
He's paid his debt
to society.
Then why
aren't you using...
the good silverware?
- I'm just not.
That's them.
Remember, everyone...
be understanding
and forgiving...
for the sake
of family unity.
Everyone...
I'd like you to meet--
Aah! It's Sideshow Bob!
What the..?
I'm afraid their reaction
is understandable.
Bart is the shamus in short pants
who sent me to prison.
Your new boyfriend here
framed Krusty the Clown...
- for armed robbery.
If some snot-nosed little kid
sent me to prison...
the first thing out
I'd find out where he lives...
and tear him
a new belly-button.
Lousy snitch.
Yaah!
You're forgetting
the first two noble truths...
of the Buddha.
- I am not.
- Yes, you are.
One:
existence is suffering.
Two: the cause
of suffering is desire--
in this case, my desire
to do high-quality...
children's programming.
When prison ended that dream,
I became a seething cauldron...
of rage and recrimination.
When I was nominated for
best supporting performer...
in a children's program
at the Daytime Emmy Awards...
my bitterness ruined
the greatest night of my life.
And the nominees are:
Droopy Drawers...
Colonel Coward...
Pepito, the biggest cat
in the whole wide world...
Sideshow Bob...
and Suckup the Vacuum.
And the Emmy goes to...
I don't believe this...
Sideshow Bob.
This is one more Emmy
than you'll ever win...
you bantering jack-in-the-box!
Just don't drop it
in the shower.
- No-talent, shill!
- Second banana!
- Panderer!
- Bore!
Uh, now for the highlight
of the evening--
Best film-to-video transfer.
Do you know
what prison is like...
for a life-long
Republican?
In our overcrowded cell
we became little more than beasts.
- Who used my chap stick?
- Oh, I did. Here you go.
I don't want it.
My only joy came with plotting
a horrible revenge...
against the boy
who put me there.
Ay, caramba!
Bart, if I
wanted to kill you...
- I'd have choked you
as soon as I walked in.
But what kind of guest
would I have been?
Now, where was I?
Ah, yes-- my lowest ebb.
You can't take
my Emmy.
You know the rules:
awards for entertainment
are contraband.
No Emmys, no Oscars,
not even a Golden Globe.
But kismet be kind,
well as cruel.
I received an answer
to my letter...
from the prison
pen pal program.
''Dear #2 460 1...
''I need a man
and cannot find one...
''among the law abiding.
''I have a steady job
and a lucrative hobby::
''filing nuisance lawsuits.
''I share an apartment
with my twin sister.
''Enclosed is a photo of us
on a tandem bike.
I forget which one I am. ''
''Dear Selma...
''your latest letter
set off a riot...
in the maximum-security wing
of my heart. ''
- Ohhh...
- [ Pffft ]
Like the lone crocus
that pokes through
the prison yard...
our love bloomed
despite all obstacles.
Selma, may I?
Uh, uh, uh...
on the cheek.
Inspired by the love
of a good woman...
I resolved to be
the best darned inmate
#2 460 1 I could be.
I bade farewell
to my cellmates...
and left
with the woman I loved.
Cutter.
Icepick.
Snake.
I'm going to miss you
most of all.
Aww!
What a beautiful story,
Sideshow Bob.
You're living proof
that our revolving-door
prison system works.
I've never seen you so happy--
giggling like a schoolgirl.
I've got to admit it, Selma...
he's a once-in-a-lifetime catch.
I hope the police
are saying that as well.
I can't believe you guys.
This man framed
Krusty the Clown.
- Bart!
- Indeed, I did...
and I thank you for catching me.
You seized the wheel...
of my slow boat to hell,
and pointed it...
towards the sunny shores of Selma.
Here, here.
Would you mind...
if I did something
bold and shocking...
in front of your family?
All right,
but no tongues.
Though kissing you
is like kissing some divine ashtray...
that's not
what I had in mind.
- Selma, will you marry me?
- [ Gasps ]
Don't be a fool.
That man is scum.
Then call me ''Mrs. Scum.''
Could you...
pumice my corns for me?
Avec plaisir.
''A''... ''G''...
''Q''... Seven...
Close enough.
May you drive safely...
and find true love.
We now return to...
Whoo-hoo! I love you people!
I love my kids!
Poor little guys.
So tragic.
So nauseous.
You should see the bus
they came to the studio in.
What's next?
Oh, yeah.
And now, a man who needs
no introduction...
''The Chairman of the Company''--
you know who I'm talking about.
Get out here, you gumba!
who wants to say hello.
- Huh? What?
- I can't believe it!
They've been feuding for years.
Come here, you.
- Oh, you old clown, you.
- I missed you.
This guy is
a national treasure.
That jerk I got
to replace you, he isn't fit
to hold your slide whistle.
All I can be is myself.
Krusty, can you ever forgive me
for putting you in jail?
If they open the books on this telethon
I'm right back in there.
- That Sideshow Bob is
a no-good show biz phony.
Come on, Bart.
If Krusty can find it in his heart
to forgive him surely you can too.
Now, about your wedding dress...
how should I put this?
- White!
- White.
What would you like
for appetizers?
Ooh, appetizers.
Homer, you're a trencherman.
What should we serve?
Well, you can't go wrong
with cocktail weenies.
They taste as good
as they look...
and they come in this
delicious red sauce.
It looks like ketchup,
it tastes like ketchup...
but, brother, it ain't ketchup!
Selma, he makes a good case.
Whatever you want.
It all tastes
like Styrofoam to me.
Selma, dear, I'm confused.
When I was a kid...
we were playing
with bottle rockets...
and one shot
straight up my nose.
I permanently lost my sense
of taste and smell.
Okay, we've got cocktail weenies
and Swedish meatballs.
Selma, this wedding
is spinning out of control.
I've run through
eight of the ten dollars...
they gave me
when I left prison.
I told you I got money.
I bought stock
in a Mace company...
just before
society crumbled.
Selma, that's wonderful!
I hope people don't think...
I'm marrying you
for your money...
instead of your...
less tangible qualities.
Tomorrow we'll be
Mr. and Mrs. Bob Terwilliger.
Isn't it grand?
Hey, Bob, give some
of that honey this way.
Mmm... mmm!
Holy frijoles!
We've got ten minutes
till MacGyver.
Driver, here's a fin.
Get me home, and don't spare the whip.
Whatever you say, mum.
- What did I miss?
MacGyver was wearing a tank top.
Dang.
But I'm the only man in your life.
Sit down and shut up!
Se?or MacGyver,
you saved our village.
Don't thank me.
Thank the moon's
gravitational pull.
That MacGyver's a genius.
First of all, he's not a genius.
He's an actor.
And second,
he's not much of an actor.
You're lying.
You're lying!
No, this is lying--
that was a well-plotted piece
of non-claptrap...
that never made me retch.
- No!
He was so cruel.
The things he said...
they're just not true.
There. There.
The wedding's off.
Fiddle-dee-dee.
Tomorrow's another day.
Bart, stop that!
No, he's right.
We're a package.
Love me, love MacGyver.
I guess the wedding's off.
Selma, I don't know what to say.
Just tell me you like MacGyver.
Very well.
I-- I--
I can't do it!
Even that car chase seemed tacked on.
Would you two knock it off?
I hate all the programs
Marge likes...
but it's no big deal.
You know why?
- No.
- Go on.
Whenever Marge puts on...
one of her nonviolent programs,
I take a walk.
I go to a bar,
I pound a few...
then I stumble home
in the mood for love.
Very well, Selma.
Whenever you watch MacGyver...
I'll take a vigorous constitutional...
and return more in love than ever.
Oh, Bob.
Bart no like.
Bad medicine.
I could have been
the flower girl...
and I wouldn't keep
falling down either.
Hey, they chose Maggie, okay?
If you want to go
for cutesyness...
instead of competence, fine.
Do you, Bob, take Selma...
to have and to hold,
in sickness and in health...
till death do you part?
- Mmm.
- Oh.
Hey, wiener boy...
where do you think you're going?
I'm the only single girl
left in the family.
Well, I guess
it could be worse.
Oh, there's Krusty the Clown.
Krusty!
Krusty, say something funny.
Oh, gee, a joke, huh?
Um... uh... funny.
Okay,
this guy walks into a bar...
and takes out a tiny piano
and a 1 2-inch pianist--
Oh, no, wait.
I can't tell that one.
Dear friends, 41 years ago...
God took 1 68 pounds of clay,
and he made me a woman...
and for this,
I thank him.
I just wanted to say...
on the advice
of my new husband...
I've decided
to give up smoking...
except for after meals
and after MacGyver.
Selma, dear,
you'll bury us all.
Chief Wiggum,
you've been around.
You don't trust
Sideshow Bob, do you?
Lighten up, son.
If he was going to commit a crime...
would he have invited
the number-one cop in town?
Now, where did I put my gun?
Oh, yeah. I set it down
when I got some cake.
I don't know what to say.
Just tell me what you
know I want to hear.
I'm dying of jealousy.
Thank you.
That's right, dear.
Enjoy your rest.
The wedding was
very tough on you...
and the honeymoon
is going to be...
murder.
Welcome to our video honeymoon.
We're using the video camera
cousin Doug gave us...
and the videocassette
Homer gave us.
Hey, and after we watch this,
we can tape over it.
There's Shelbyville Falls,
Rolling Rock...
and here's another
breathtaking sight...
my brand-new hubby.
I wanted a room
with a fireplace...
you brainless luggage monkey!
Like the one in your brochure!
Oh, Selma, dear.
I was just chatting
with my good friend... Dennis.
Now, smile for the camera,
that's a good lad.
Ah, fire--
Scourge of Prometheus,
toaster of marshmallows...
eradicator of deadwood.
Oh, Selma, dear--
you and your little camera.
What do you say we
shut it off for a while?
And make love?
I suppose so.
Oh, that's sweet.
Why would Sideshow Bob
go so nuts over a fireplace?
Because he wants
his honeymoon...
to be romantic.
Romantic? With Aunt Selma?
I guess you're too young
to understand.
Hmm...
Bob, one of my fillings fell out.
Even murder
has its ugly side.
Bob, would you mind
rubbing my feet?
Darling,
you make it sound like a chore.
Ooh. Oh.
Good. Mmm.
- Soon I will kill you.
- Huh?
Son pieds sentit beau--
French for ''her foot smells lovely.''
Oh.
Prepare to be murdered.
Huh?
That's... Sanskrit for
''your toes are like perfume.''
- Voy a matar a usted.
- Wha?
That's Spanish for
''I am going to kill you.''
- Say what?
- I do believe it's time...
for your beloved MacGyver.
- Oh, hey, you're right.
- Well, time for my walk.
- Mm.
Don't forget to die.
Ding-dong.
I was feeling kind of lonely
without Selma.
Mind if I watch TVwith you?
Oh, go ahead, Patty.
Tonight, on MacGyver...
MacGyver...
MacGyver...
MacGyver...
Aunt Selma has one hour to live.
Hey, down in front.
Good-bye.
Front desk, there's been
a terrible accident in my room!
Poor Selma.
You were having...
such a lovely evening...
Selma!
Oh!
You tried to kill me.
I want a separation.
My best-laid plans
have gang agley.
Do you have room in your jail...
for a two-time loser?
No, but that never
stopped us before.
Bart, I must know...
how did you untangle my web?
Yeah, Bart, clue us in.
I'd hate to tell
the number-one cop in town...
how to do his job.
No, please, it's
the only way I'll learn.
All right.
Sideshow Bob
seemed desperate...
to get that fireplace, but why?
Then it hit me--
The gas!
Surely anyone would
have noticed a gas leak...
except Aunt Selma.
I permanently lost
my sense of smell.
She happily watched MacGyver...
unaware that her room...
was silently filling
with natural gas.
All it needed to explode...
was a single spark,
say, from a cigarette.
I've decided...
to give up smoking...
except after meals
and MacGyver.
Her only hope was a plucky
young boy and his slow-witted father.
When Aunt Selma lights up
after MacGyver...
she'll be blown
to kingdom come.
Come again?
After trying four times
to explain it to Homer...
I explained it to Mom
and we were on our way!
To the Simpson Mobile!
But wait. If you saved Selma,
why did the room explode?
Oh, I'll field that one.
Oh, right, the gas.
with all my criminal buddies!
I feel like such a fool.
Well, he fooled
almost everyone...
but there was one little boy
who never lost his mistrust.
Thanks, Mom.
Now, let's get out
of this gas-filled hallway...
- before we all suffocate.
- Shh.