The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 26, Episode 13 - Walking Big & Tall - full transcript
Marge tries to get Homer to lose weight. But instead, he finds a support group that encourages him to embrace his largeness.
(giggles)
D'oh!
(grunts)
♪ The Simpsons 26x13 ♪
Walking Big & Tall
Original Air Date on February 8, 201
Woo-hoo!
(screams)
D'oh!
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
And I regret to inform you
that our Soviet sister city,
Springograd, has disappeared
from the map.
Now, I'd like to welcome
our beloved four-time mayor,
Hans Moleman!
(applause)
Springfielders, rejoice.
What is the one thing our
blessed little town has lacked?
A human zoo?
What we lack is
a town anthem.
And you're in luck, because
I have written one.
- Mr. Largo, if you please.
- Mm-hmm.
♪ ♪
♪ There's a special
little place ♪
♪ A special smile
on every face ♪
♪ A town called Springfield ♪
♪ Special buildings,
special sky ♪
♪ A unique place
to live and die ♪
♪ Only Springfield ♪
♪ Of all the cities
on the mappy ♪
♪ You're the one
that makes me happy ♪
♪ Only Springfield,
only Springfield... ♪
Stop the anthem!
What is it, Moe?
I was in Tuscaloosa
on vacation.
Started out great.
They got a joint there
called Moe's Original Barbeque.
But then I heard
their city anthem!
Give a listen!
♪ Of all the cities
on the mappy ♪
♪ You're the one
that makes me happy ♪
♪ Only Tuscaloosa,
only Tuscaloosa. ♪
That's our song. They just changed
"Springfield" to "Tuscaloosa."
(growls)
Guns are for celebrating.
What do you do with them
when you're angry?
Now, calm down.
This could just be an amazing
musical coincidence.
There ain't no coincidences
in popular songs, bony.
♪ Only Austin... ♪
♪ Only Oakland... ♪
♪ Only Calgary... ♪
♪ Only Provo... ♪
(singing in foreign language)
♪ Area 51... ♪
(crowd clamoring)
We've been singing this song
like it only belonged to us,
when every city in America's
had its lips on it!
Even Des Moines.
Wait a minute.
This song was supposedly
written by former Mayor Moleman!
(crowd murmuring)
Oh, I didn't write it.
I bought it from a salesman who was
selling it to half the towns in America.
I didn't think
you'd find out,
because I never thought any of
us would ever go anywhere.
Well, then what do
I do with this?!
Now I can't be buried
in a Jewish cemetery!
Please be merciful.
Hyah!
(horse neighs)
Boy, sure is nice not to be the one
on the horse for a change.
As mayor, I balanced
the budget eight times!
I still believe in this town-- a town
that deserves its own original song.
And as an aspiring musician
with off-Broadway dreams,
I'm the one to write it.
- So ordered.
- I'll write that song.
Pharrell Williams?!
I'm sorry, everyone, but
the eight-year-old girl got there first.
I understand.
♪ It might seem crazy
what I'm about to say ♪
♪ Sunshine, she's here,
you can take a break... ♪
Hyah!
Shelbyville rules!
Springfield drools...!
Let's see.
What rhymes with "Jebediah"?
"Tire fire"?
- How about "Patty and Selma"?
- "Fatty and smell ya."
- "Mr. Teeny"?
- "Sister wienie."
You've got a gift!
Well, don't be so surprised. I did write
that "Lisa, It's Your Birthday" song.
Yeah, with that mental patient who
thought he was Michael Jackson.
Whoa. Thinking back,
I'm kind of surprised
Mom and Dad let a crazy man
spend all night in my bedroom.
Simpler time.
Bart, I need your help to write
a new anthem for Springfield.
- Will you team up with me?
- Hmm. What's in it for me?
Uh, I'll make
brownies later.
Whoa, that is the best deal
any songwriter ever got.
And that's true even if I don't
get the brownies. I'm in!
I think we might just
make a good team,
like Maggie and Grampa.
♪ ♪
What are you doing?
What's it look like?
Writing a song.
(scoffs)
Artists.
(makes farting noises)
♪ ♪
We did it! We wrote
an awesome song!
We make a great brother and sister
team, like Andy and Lana Wachowski.
Should we hug?
Mm, how about a fist
bump through a towel?
That works.
(laughs)
I saved us seats.
Oh, thank you, Homie.
Thank you, roll
of masking tape.
Uh, gonna be a tight fit.
(grunting)
(sighs)
♪ Springfield's the only
home that we've got ♪
♪ But to be frank,
there's not a lot ♪
♪ To recommend it ♪
♪ We've got a
big sinkhole ♪
♪ And they shut down
the think hole ♪
♪ Hashtag: SpringfieldPride ♪
♪ Has never ever trended... ♪
- This is not boosterism!
- Warm up the horse.
♪ But when you think
of the things we lack ♪
♪ 'Stead of the stuff
we've got ♪
♪ Why Springfield? ♪
♪ Why not? ♪
♪ We've only had
a hurricane once ♪
♪ We haven't had
a circus fire in months ♪
♪ Springfield ♪
♪ Why not? ♪
♪ Ooh, we're just
off the interstate ♪
♪ Ah, the second
right off exit 8... ♪
He didn't blow his line.
Sarah, let's have another!
♪ You may find
our culture lacking ♪
♪ We finally outlawed
our snake whacking ♪
♪ Sure, our cops
are easily bought ♪
♪ And our dentists
are all self-taught ♪
♪ But hooray for Springfield ♪
♪ Give two cheers ♪
♪ Smallpox-free
for seven years ♪
♪ Why Springfield? ♪
♪ Why not? ♪
(crowd cheering)
What a song!
I feel as if I'm in the lobby
of the Brill Building!
(cheering continues)
Homer, it's a standing
ovation. Get up.
Our kids just did
something amazing.
Well, not Maggie.
- Get up!
- Okay, okay.
Standing "O" or die!
(grunting loudly)
Woo-hoo!
(laughter)
Stop laughing at me!
(crowd screams)
(groans)
(screams)
(sighs)
Occupied.
(crowd screaming)
Stop fearing me!
(sobbing)
Damn it!
Please keep spinning it.
I don't want
to look at it.
Can't you say something
to make me feel better?
(sighs)
I'm sorry, but I can't.
I'm tired of you saying
planes have gotten smaller
and two presidents were
fatter than you, and...
(sighs)
Fine, I got it.
Starting right now, a
yearlong juice cleanse.
Every morning, I get a colonic,
and I sleep in a sauna every night.
Oh, that's not a healthy
way to lose weight.
It's not about health, Marge,
it's about going crazy.
You don't have to
do this alone.
What the...? Hmm.
(sighs)
This is it.
My name is Roy, and this
week I gained seven pounds.
Yes! No shame there!
You go, girth!
Huh? Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you were
Over-feeders Anonymous.
No, no. In fact, quite the opposite.
We are Big Is Beautiful.
So you guys are proud
of what you are?
We do not cower in the shadows,
we make the shadows.
Do you guys serve snacks?
We've got ice cream hoagies, deep-fried
sugar bags, Dorsnickos, Snickeritos,
Milky Snicks, Porksicles,
and of course diet soda.
- Oh, got to have diet soda.
- Oh, yeah, of course.
Yes, mustn't forget
the diet soda.
I have so many questions for you. First
of all, is this floor reinforced?
You know, maybe
I shouldn't be here.
I promised my wife
I'd lose weight.
- Huh?
- MAN: If I may.
Ooh, labels.
Our loved ones, though precious,
can often be a hurdle.
- Who are you? - I'm the founder
of our little group, Albert.
Ooh, like Fat Albert!
We never use
the word "fat" here.
- Sorry. - My dear fat friend, all
your wife needs is a little education.
Now repeat after me.
I am big.
I am big.
I am beautiful.
I have a beauty of
a sort to some.
No one can make me feel bad about
who I am because this is who I am!
Ditto!
You know, I've always wanted
to blindly follow somebody,
and I think you just
might be the guy.
Marge, kids, tonight was
a turning point in my life.
Well, that's great, Homie. Just let
me finish uploading this photo.
HOMER: No, Marge,
you have to listen!
That place you sent me to
changed my life.
Thank you, Lord!
And I'll give up online
scrapbooking, like I promised.
They taught me that I don't
need to lose weight.
I should just be
proud of what I am.
What? Restore, restore!
(buzzer sounds)
I met a guy...
a wonderful guy...
Oh, Lord.
It's not what you think.
His name is Albert,
and he taught me not to buy into
the lies taught by Big Nutrition.
That's worse than
what I thought.
Marge, you're my wife
of ten years and I love you,
but I must observe the teachings
of this man I just met tonight.
Now, the first thing I have
to do is make amends.
With the bathroom scale.
I'm so sorry I threw you across
the room and called you a liar.
When you told me I was 260 pounds,
you were just encouraging me.
It was a poem you were
writing about my potential.
I'm gonna start
celebrating my size,
and I need you with
me as a partner.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need
to talk to the broken porch swing.
HOMER: So, from now on, you guys can
no longer say these hateful words:
"Chubby, chunky, blobbo, slobbo,
"fat bastard, Michelin Man,
Stay Puft, Chumbawumba,
"It is balloon!
"Papa Grande, Augustus Gloop,
"beached whale, big-boned,
Wisconsin skinny,
"butterball, dump truck,
Jelly Belly, pudgy-wudgy,
"lard-ass, blubberino, Buddha belly,
Hurry Eat Tubman, one-ton soup,
"Blob Saget, Chub Hub, Calvin Cool Whip,
Manfred Mannboobs, 21 Lump Street,
"walking 'before' picture,
fatso, Harvey Milk Chocolate,
"Obese Want Cannoli,
Mahatma Gumbo,
"Salvador Deli, Elmer Pantry, KFC
and the Sponge Cake Band, Snackie Onassis,
"The Foody Blues, Hoagie
Carmichael and wide load."
What about
Mr. Two Belts?
Good, good! By which
I mean, "Bad, bad!"
You know, as long as we're opening
this up-- and I'm glad you are--
I want to tell you guys that
when you call me a gargoyle,
a troll or a homunculus,
it kind of hurts my feelings.
- What? You're kidding.
- We never dreamed.
Who knew goblins
had feelings?
You see? That's what I'm talking about.
Because...
CROWD (chanting):
We're big! We're proud!
Two of us can
make a crowd!
Sorry, fellas. There's
a movement I have to join.
I've learned there's something
more important than drinking:
Eating.
Thank you for the
easy financing!
What the...?!
Your store is forcing unattainable
body images on our young people.
I say, end the thinsanity!
You, my friend, are wrong.
Every girl should look like a sexy praying
mantis from Milan whose hips are narrower
than an Italian
parliamentary majority.
Whew.
(siren whoops)
Okay, people, show's over.
Nothing to eat here.
Now move along.
If you can.
If not, we're gonna
have to take you in.
Clancy, what are you doing?
You're one of us!
You're right.
Take me in, Lou.
Ow, ah.
(grunting)
Hey! Why?
Ah, geez, Lou. You seem
to be enjoying this.
Just doing my job, Chief.
(Taser crackles)
Oh, that's some nice
Tase work, Lou.
(grunting)
Homer Simpson?
HOMER:
Right here!
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Coming through.
Coming back. Excuse me.
Pardon me. There we go.
Uh, coming up.
- What can I do for you?
- You're free on bail.
People, give thanks
to that woman,
standing up for all of us,
even though she's a lighty.
Thank you.
Although, I think
the worst thing
that ever happened to my husband
was joining your group.
(crowd gasps, murmurs)
(clears throat)
I'll handle this.
What is the point of a long
life if it's not enjoyed?
(drooling moan)
Homer, you have to choose.
And I think
the choice is clear.
Guys, I'm coming back in!
Suck in your guts.
(all inhaling)
(sighs)
Home.
(groans)
(laughing)
Whee! Whee!
Who's he giving
a piggyback ride to?
- We don't know.
- Mom, what's wrong?
How come Dad's
not with you?
Are they setting
bail by the pound?
- (Laughs) - He chose to spend the night
in a jail with strangers instead of me.
Mom, Lisa and I learned that we can
solve any problem through song.
Lisa, let's go write something
that'll change Dad's mind.
Do you really think that we can
write a song that does that?
I just wanted to get out of the room.
She was really bumming me out.
Ah, geez. I thought writing
another hit song would be easier.
Well, it would've helped if you
hadn't crumpled up all the paper
before we wrote
anything on it.
No more judgment!
No more jokes!
We will not be made to feel less
than because we are greater than!
I was distinctly
promised no math!
Homer, I want to say something
extremely important
the way a woman does--
subtly, through someone else.
Kids...
♪ ♪
- Take it, Bart!
- You take it!
- I gave it to you!
- I refuse to accept it!
LENNY:
Just start the song!
We couldn't write a song.
We're one-hit wonders.
But is that such a crime?
Look at J.D. Salinger.
- Franny and Zooey.
- Rubik's Cube!
- Rubik's Snake!
- Charles M. Schulz.
You've got me there.
It's her fault. She was sucking all
the gangsta out of everything.
Well, you're the only "gangsta"
I know with a 9:00 bedtime.
9:30, starting in summer.
Mom said.
Ah, kids, stop arguing.
Or keep arguing.
I don't care.
Homer, I'm sorry I tried to help
you control your weight.
(sighs) I'm not sure
of anything anymore.
Sorry I ever
opened my mouth.
Marge, it's not your fault that you can't
win against a superior being like Albert.
(slurps)
Mmm.
But, Marge, I don't want you
to ever stop caring about me.
How can you follow a leader who
won't even get up out of his chair?
Marge, I believe
you're forgetting
America's greatest wartime
wheelchair-bound leader:
Professor X
of the X-Men.
It's not that Professor X
wouldn't get up,
it's that he couldn't!
Well, I'll show you
who can get up!
(triumphant music playing)
(footsteps thudding heavily)
(roars)
That's right! I don't
need this scooter!
All of you, follow
me to the future!
(groans)
Oh, dear God.
Stick a forklift
in him, he's dead.
(laughs)
(organ playing solemn music)
I've never written a eulogy
before, but this time, I did.
Unfortunately,
I left it at home.
Thanks, lady.
What Albert taught us
is that all people have pride
and no group should
ever be insulted.
He knew what was important was how
you lived your life every day.
Till he was taken from us
too soon, at the age of...
(whispering)
Twenty-three?!
People, for God's sake,
join a gym!
(crowd murmuring)
Kumiko, would you still
love me if I lost weight?
- Much more!
- (sighs)
Marge, I'm sorry
I was proud of myself.
- That's not really what I was...
- It will never happen again!
Now come on.
Let's walk home.
Absolutely.
Can I ask you something?
What is it that
keeps you with me?
It's because everything you
love, you love so much.
Because you love me, I will not stop
yo-yo dieting till I get it right.
Oh...
At last.
Well done, Dad.
You finally reached
emotional maturity.
Unlike Bart.
Bart's very mature.
Take it from the little
boy in his tummy.
Now, when do I get
to be the head again?
- Soon.
- It's always "soon."
(Sighs)
Whoa!
(horse neighs)
Oh. I wish I had
said that earlier.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
Shh!
D'oh!
(grunts)
♪ The Simpsons 26x13 ♪
Walking Big & Tall
Original Air Date on February 8, 201
Woo-hoo!
(screams)
D'oh!
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
And I regret to inform you
that our Soviet sister city,
Springograd, has disappeared
from the map.
Now, I'd like to welcome
our beloved four-time mayor,
Hans Moleman!
(applause)
Springfielders, rejoice.
What is the one thing our
blessed little town has lacked?
A human zoo?
What we lack is
a town anthem.
And you're in luck, because
I have written one.
- Mr. Largo, if you please.
- Mm-hmm.
♪ ♪
♪ There's a special
little place ♪
♪ A special smile
on every face ♪
♪ A town called Springfield ♪
♪ Special buildings,
special sky ♪
♪ A unique place
to live and die ♪
♪ Only Springfield ♪
♪ Of all the cities
on the mappy ♪
♪ You're the one
that makes me happy ♪
♪ Only Springfield,
only Springfield... ♪
Stop the anthem!
What is it, Moe?
I was in Tuscaloosa
on vacation.
Started out great.
They got a joint there
called Moe's Original Barbeque.
But then I heard
their city anthem!
Give a listen!
♪ Of all the cities
on the mappy ♪
♪ You're the one
that makes me happy ♪
♪ Only Tuscaloosa,
only Tuscaloosa. ♪
That's our song. They just changed
"Springfield" to "Tuscaloosa."
(growls)
Guns are for celebrating.
What do you do with them
when you're angry?
Now, calm down.
This could just be an amazing
musical coincidence.
There ain't no coincidences
in popular songs, bony.
♪ Only Austin... ♪
♪ Only Oakland... ♪
♪ Only Calgary... ♪
♪ Only Provo... ♪
(singing in foreign language)
♪ Area 51... ♪
(crowd clamoring)
We've been singing this song
like it only belonged to us,
when every city in America's
had its lips on it!
Even Des Moines.
Wait a minute.
This song was supposedly
written by former Mayor Moleman!
(crowd murmuring)
Oh, I didn't write it.
I bought it from a salesman who was
selling it to half the towns in America.
I didn't think
you'd find out,
because I never thought any of
us would ever go anywhere.
Well, then what do
I do with this?!
Now I can't be buried
in a Jewish cemetery!
Please be merciful.
Hyah!
(horse neighs)
Boy, sure is nice not to be the one
on the horse for a change.
As mayor, I balanced
the budget eight times!
I still believe in this town-- a town
that deserves its own original song.
And as an aspiring musician
with off-Broadway dreams,
I'm the one to write it.
- So ordered.
- I'll write that song.
Pharrell Williams?!
I'm sorry, everyone, but
the eight-year-old girl got there first.
I understand.
♪ It might seem crazy
what I'm about to say ♪
♪ Sunshine, she's here,
you can take a break... ♪
Hyah!
Shelbyville rules!
Springfield drools...!
Let's see.
What rhymes with "Jebediah"?
"Tire fire"?
- How about "Patty and Selma"?
- "Fatty and smell ya."
- "Mr. Teeny"?
- "Sister wienie."
You've got a gift!
Well, don't be so surprised. I did write
that "Lisa, It's Your Birthday" song.
Yeah, with that mental patient who
thought he was Michael Jackson.
Whoa. Thinking back,
I'm kind of surprised
Mom and Dad let a crazy man
spend all night in my bedroom.
Simpler time.
Bart, I need your help to write
a new anthem for Springfield.
- Will you team up with me?
- Hmm. What's in it for me?
Uh, I'll make
brownies later.
Whoa, that is the best deal
any songwriter ever got.
And that's true even if I don't
get the brownies. I'm in!
I think we might just
make a good team,
like Maggie and Grampa.
♪ ♪
What are you doing?
What's it look like?
Writing a song.
(scoffs)
Artists.
(makes farting noises)
♪ ♪
We did it! We wrote
an awesome song!
We make a great brother and sister
team, like Andy and Lana Wachowski.
Should we hug?
Mm, how about a fist
bump through a towel?
That works.
(laughs)
I saved us seats.
Oh, thank you, Homie.
Thank you, roll
of masking tape.
Uh, gonna be a tight fit.
(grunting)
(sighs)
♪ Springfield's the only
home that we've got ♪
♪ But to be frank,
there's not a lot ♪
♪ To recommend it ♪
♪ We've got a
big sinkhole ♪
♪ And they shut down
the think hole ♪
♪ Hashtag: SpringfieldPride ♪
♪ Has never ever trended... ♪
- This is not boosterism!
- Warm up the horse.
♪ But when you think
of the things we lack ♪
♪ 'Stead of the stuff
we've got ♪
♪ Why Springfield? ♪
♪ Why not? ♪
♪ We've only had
a hurricane once ♪
♪ We haven't had
a circus fire in months ♪
♪ Springfield ♪
♪ Why not? ♪
♪ Ooh, we're just
off the interstate ♪
♪ Ah, the second
right off exit 8... ♪
He didn't blow his line.
Sarah, let's have another!
♪ You may find
our culture lacking ♪
♪ We finally outlawed
our snake whacking ♪
♪ Sure, our cops
are easily bought ♪
♪ And our dentists
are all self-taught ♪
♪ But hooray for Springfield ♪
♪ Give two cheers ♪
♪ Smallpox-free
for seven years ♪
♪ Why Springfield? ♪
♪ Why not? ♪
(crowd cheering)
What a song!
I feel as if I'm in the lobby
of the Brill Building!
(cheering continues)
Homer, it's a standing
ovation. Get up.
Our kids just did
something amazing.
Well, not Maggie.
- Get up!
- Okay, okay.
Standing "O" or die!
(grunting loudly)
Woo-hoo!
(laughter)
Stop laughing at me!
(crowd screams)
(groans)
(screams)
(sighs)
Occupied.
(crowd screaming)
Stop fearing me!
(sobbing)
Damn it!
Please keep spinning it.
I don't want
to look at it.
Can't you say something
to make me feel better?
(sighs)
I'm sorry, but I can't.
I'm tired of you saying
planes have gotten smaller
and two presidents were
fatter than you, and...
(sighs)
Fine, I got it.
Starting right now, a
yearlong juice cleanse.
Every morning, I get a colonic,
and I sleep in a sauna every night.
Oh, that's not a healthy
way to lose weight.
It's not about health, Marge,
it's about going crazy.
You don't have to
do this alone.
What the...? Hmm.
(sighs)
This is it.
My name is Roy, and this
week I gained seven pounds.
Yes! No shame there!
You go, girth!
Huh? Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you were
Over-feeders Anonymous.
No, no. In fact, quite the opposite.
We are Big Is Beautiful.
So you guys are proud
of what you are?
We do not cower in the shadows,
we make the shadows.
Do you guys serve snacks?
We've got ice cream hoagies, deep-fried
sugar bags, Dorsnickos, Snickeritos,
Milky Snicks, Porksicles,
and of course diet soda.
- Oh, got to have diet soda.
- Oh, yeah, of course.
Yes, mustn't forget
the diet soda.
I have so many questions for you. First
of all, is this floor reinforced?
You know, maybe
I shouldn't be here.
I promised my wife
I'd lose weight.
- Huh?
- MAN: If I may.
Ooh, labels.
Our loved ones, though precious,
can often be a hurdle.
- Who are you? - I'm the founder
of our little group, Albert.
Ooh, like Fat Albert!
We never use
the word "fat" here.
- Sorry. - My dear fat friend, all
your wife needs is a little education.
Now repeat after me.
I am big.
I am big.
I am beautiful.
I have a beauty of
a sort to some.
No one can make me feel bad about
who I am because this is who I am!
Ditto!
You know, I've always wanted
to blindly follow somebody,
and I think you just
might be the guy.
Marge, kids, tonight was
a turning point in my life.
Well, that's great, Homie. Just let
me finish uploading this photo.
HOMER: No, Marge,
you have to listen!
That place you sent me to
changed my life.
Thank you, Lord!
And I'll give up online
scrapbooking, like I promised.
They taught me that I don't
need to lose weight.
I should just be
proud of what I am.
What? Restore, restore!
(buzzer sounds)
I met a guy...
a wonderful guy...
Oh, Lord.
It's not what you think.
His name is Albert,
and he taught me not to buy into
the lies taught by Big Nutrition.
That's worse than
what I thought.
Marge, you're my wife
of ten years and I love you,
but I must observe the teachings
of this man I just met tonight.
Now, the first thing I have
to do is make amends.
With the bathroom scale.
I'm so sorry I threw you across
the room and called you a liar.
When you told me I was 260 pounds,
you were just encouraging me.
It was a poem you were
writing about my potential.
I'm gonna start
celebrating my size,
and I need you with
me as a partner.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need
to talk to the broken porch swing.
HOMER: So, from now on, you guys can
no longer say these hateful words:
"Chubby, chunky, blobbo, slobbo,
"fat bastard, Michelin Man,
Stay Puft, Chumbawumba,
"It is balloon!
"Papa Grande, Augustus Gloop,
"beached whale, big-boned,
Wisconsin skinny,
"butterball, dump truck,
Jelly Belly, pudgy-wudgy,
"lard-ass, blubberino, Buddha belly,
Hurry Eat Tubman, one-ton soup,
"Blob Saget, Chub Hub, Calvin Cool Whip,
Manfred Mannboobs, 21 Lump Street,
"walking 'before' picture,
fatso, Harvey Milk Chocolate,
"Obese Want Cannoli,
Mahatma Gumbo,
"Salvador Deli, Elmer Pantry, KFC
and the Sponge Cake Band, Snackie Onassis,
"The Foody Blues, Hoagie
Carmichael and wide load."
What about
Mr. Two Belts?
Good, good! By which
I mean, "Bad, bad!"
You know, as long as we're opening
this up-- and I'm glad you are--
I want to tell you guys that
when you call me a gargoyle,
a troll or a homunculus,
it kind of hurts my feelings.
- What? You're kidding.
- We never dreamed.
Who knew goblins
had feelings?
You see? That's what I'm talking about.
Because...
CROWD (chanting):
We're big! We're proud!
Two of us can
make a crowd!
Sorry, fellas. There's
a movement I have to join.
I've learned there's something
more important than drinking:
Eating.
Thank you for the
easy financing!
What the...?!
Your store is forcing unattainable
body images on our young people.
I say, end the thinsanity!
You, my friend, are wrong.
Every girl should look like a sexy praying
mantis from Milan whose hips are narrower
than an Italian
parliamentary majority.
Whew.
(siren whoops)
Okay, people, show's over.
Nothing to eat here.
Now move along.
If you can.
If not, we're gonna
have to take you in.
Clancy, what are you doing?
You're one of us!
You're right.
Take me in, Lou.
Ow, ah.
(grunting)
Hey! Why?
Ah, geez, Lou. You seem
to be enjoying this.
Just doing my job, Chief.
(Taser crackles)
Oh, that's some nice
Tase work, Lou.
(grunting)
Homer Simpson?
HOMER:
Right here!
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Coming through.
Coming back. Excuse me.
Pardon me. There we go.
Uh, coming up.
- What can I do for you?
- You're free on bail.
People, give thanks
to that woman,
standing up for all of us,
even though she's a lighty.
Thank you.
Although, I think
the worst thing
that ever happened to my husband
was joining your group.
(crowd gasps, murmurs)
(clears throat)
I'll handle this.
What is the point of a long
life if it's not enjoyed?
(drooling moan)
Homer, you have to choose.
And I think
the choice is clear.
Guys, I'm coming back in!
Suck in your guts.
(all inhaling)
(sighs)
Home.
(groans)
(laughing)
Whee! Whee!
Who's he giving
a piggyback ride to?
- We don't know.
- Mom, what's wrong?
How come Dad's
not with you?
Are they setting
bail by the pound?
- (Laughs) - He chose to spend the night
in a jail with strangers instead of me.
Mom, Lisa and I learned that we can
solve any problem through song.
Lisa, let's go write something
that'll change Dad's mind.
Do you really think that we can
write a song that does that?
I just wanted to get out of the room.
She was really bumming me out.
Ah, geez. I thought writing
another hit song would be easier.
Well, it would've helped if you
hadn't crumpled up all the paper
before we wrote
anything on it.
No more judgment!
No more jokes!
We will not be made to feel less
than because we are greater than!
I was distinctly
promised no math!
Homer, I want to say something
extremely important
the way a woman does--
subtly, through someone else.
Kids...
♪ ♪
- Take it, Bart!
- You take it!
- I gave it to you!
- I refuse to accept it!
LENNY:
Just start the song!
We couldn't write a song.
We're one-hit wonders.
But is that such a crime?
Look at J.D. Salinger.
- Franny and Zooey.
- Rubik's Cube!
- Rubik's Snake!
- Charles M. Schulz.
You've got me there.
It's her fault. She was sucking all
the gangsta out of everything.
Well, you're the only "gangsta"
I know with a 9:00 bedtime.
9:30, starting in summer.
Mom said.
Ah, kids, stop arguing.
Or keep arguing.
I don't care.
Homer, I'm sorry I tried to help
you control your weight.
(sighs) I'm not sure
of anything anymore.
Sorry I ever
opened my mouth.
Marge, it's not your fault that you can't
win against a superior being like Albert.
(slurps)
Mmm.
But, Marge, I don't want you
to ever stop caring about me.
How can you follow a leader who
won't even get up out of his chair?
Marge, I believe
you're forgetting
America's greatest wartime
wheelchair-bound leader:
Professor X
of the X-Men.
It's not that Professor X
wouldn't get up,
it's that he couldn't!
Well, I'll show you
who can get up!
(triumphant music playing)
(footsteps thudding heavily)
(roars)
That's right! I don't
need this scooter!
All of you, follow
me to the future!
(groans)
Oh, dear God.
Stick a forklift
in him, he's dead.
(laughs)
(organ playing solemn music)
I've never written a eulogy
before, but this time, I did.
Unfortunately,
I left it at home.
Thanks, lady.
What Albert taught us
is that all people have pride
and no group should
ever be insulted.
He knew what was important was how
you lived your life every day.
Till he was taken from us
too soon, at the age of...
(whispering)
Twenty-three?!
People, for God's sake,
join a gym!
(crowd murmuring)
Kumiko, would you still
love me if I lost weight?
- Much more!
- (sighs)
Marge, I'm sorry
I was proud of myself.
- That's not really what I was...
- It will never happen again!
Now come on.
Let's walk home.
Absolutely.
Can I ask you something?
What is it that
keeps you with me?
It's because everything you
love, you love so much.
Because you love me, I will not stop
yo-yo dieting till I get it right.
Oh...
At last.
Well done, Dad.
You finally reached
emotional maturity.
Unlike Bart.
Bart's very mature.
Take it from the little
boy in his tummy.
Now, when do I get
to be the head again?
- Soon.
- It's always "soon."
(Sighs)
Whoa!
(horse neighs)
Oh. I wish I had
said that earlier.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
Shh!