The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 25, Episode 18 - Days of Future Future - full transcript

Please let it be a bear
that did this.

(Homer groaning)

How much did I eat?

(groaning)

Homie, you can't keep
doing this to yourself.

(scoffs)
I'm as healthy as a horse.

Horses only live 30 years.

(mimics a neighing horse)

(sighs)

If you could just ease up
on the eating after 3:00 a.m.

That's all I ask.



Marge is right.

I'm gonna walk upstairs,
take her in my arms

and tell her
my good health starts now!

Mm-hmm!

Legs pumping. Blood flowing.

Two at a time.
(grunting)

Heart exploding.
(yelling, grunting)

Ooh. Pepperoni.

(grunting)

(wheezing)

(struggling): All that's left
are clever last words.

(groans, gurgles)

♪

And so we mourn the loss
of Homer J. Simpson.



Beloved husband, father
and poorly informed sports fan.

All he did was yell
"traveling" at the screen.

Major condolences
on your bereavement, dear.

If, uh... you know, after

a respectful period of grief
and whatnot, uh...

yous would like to have some
coffee, please give a call.

Thank you, Moe.
FRINK: Stop!

Stop with the wailing
and the gnashing and the aye...

Homer is not dead!

I have made a copy.

I'm number two.

(moans in excitement)

You're alive!

But how?

Uh, well...
(clears throat, speak gibberish)

I was able to put Homer's
memories in the body of a clone,

identical to the original
in every way.

I wanted to clone a sheep,

but I needed to start
with something simpler.

Which he is,
because his brain is fliveck.

Oh... Dad, you're back!

Just in time
for my recital.

Somebody kill me.

Now, Homie. I hope you use
this second chance

to live a more sensible life.

Amen, baby.

Did you make potato salad
for the wake?

Yes.

That man sure loved
potato salad.

(cracks knuckles)

Ah, hey, Midge. Uh...

here we are again, ah?

Yeah...
(laughs)

And, oh, uh, here, uh,
my new card.

(laughs)
Yeah.

I'm back!
Coming through!

(laughing):
Yeah.

I can die all I want.

Frink's got Homers like
the Tuileries has park benches.

Huh? I wonder where
I picked that up.

Oh. I planted a
Western history chip,

but all you retained were
the places to sit down.

Nice!

♪ Letting the days go by

♪ Let the water hold me down
(grunts)

♪ Letting the days go by

♪ Water flowing underground

♪ Into the blue again

♪ After the money's gone

♪ Once in a lifetime...

Homer, you'll be
all right,

but, uh, no solid food
for two weeks.

Aw... two weeks?

(continuous beep)

♪ Same as it ever was,
same as it ever was ♪

♪ Same as it ever was...
(groaning)

We are gathered here
to mourn the passing of

yet another Homer Simpson.

Beloved father,

precious memories,
local character, et cetera.

Okay. We're ready
for the crematorium bot.

(mechanical whirring)

(pounding)

HOMER:
Wait a minute!

(flames ignite)

(grunting)

(beeping)

Don't go far, Cremo.

Oh, Moe,
are we doing this again?

You know what? No.

I'm tired of getting
my hopes up here.

You and your immortal husband
can go take a flying leap, huh?

Um, I am so very sorry,
but, uh, this time,

I could not bring Homer
back to life.

ALL:
Wha...?

(groans)
Stupid Moe.

You just had to act
like yourself,

didn't you, you jackass?

All is not lost.

I was able to download
Homer's brain

into this flash drive.

It'll have to do.

Yo. Where's my body?

Oh, you used up
all your clones,

you fat, fat, fat,
reckless, fat pig!

From now on, you're just
going to be a face on a monitor.

So, enjoy screen saver mode!

Bonk. Bonk. Bonk.

Ooh. Corner.

Ba-donk.

Let me just say this once.

(screams)

I'm good.

Hey, kids.

Want to chase Grandpa Homer
around the house?

I do!
Yay!

(Homer and kids giggling)

After 35 years
of wifely obedience,

I'm married to
a face on a screen.

Not exactly fun and games
for me, either, Marge.

Ooh... Goody Gobble!

(chomping)

(whoops)

Liquid center power-up!

(chomping)

(sighs)

How are you, Milhouse?

Things aren't great
with Lisa.

If it wasn't for that squirrel
that eats our bird food,

we'd have nothing to talk about.

As I told you when
we talked last month,

"I've been doing a lot of
charity work for the undead."

HOMER:
Uh, Marge, excuse me.

Uh... I think
I need a reboot.

Just stick the tip of your pen
in that little hole

and hold it for 15 minutes.

(click)

No. I'm throwing you
out of the house.

You can live
with your no-good son.

Hey. What did I do?

Nothing for 30 years.

You're perfect
for each other.

No. No. No.
Don't pull me out

before you click eject.

That hurts like a mother...!

So, Dad,
what do you think of my place?

Son, could you
put me in 3-D for a second?

(click)

Why, you little...!

I'll teach you
to emulate my sloppiness!

(click)

Okay, guys.

Time for you to go
to your mother's.

Here's your mom's house.

(rings doorbell)

(sighs)
Hi, Jerry.

Hey, Bart.
Great to see you, man.

How are you?

Great. Great.
So, I guess you and Jenda

are still together?
Is she there?

Oh, yeah. She's just
getting out of the shower.

Hey, you're looking good, man.

You been working out or what?
No.

You're lucky, man.

I have to hit the gym
like every day,

or I'm like...
(shrieks)

(kiss)
Hey, baby.

Hurry, boys.

We're going camping
this weekend.

But our thing was camping.

Living out of a car
is not "camping."

(laughing):
That's right, babe. (kiss)

(groans)

Bye.
Good-bye, Daddy!

Take care, Bart.

Hey. Check's due
on the first,

whether it's a
weekend or not.

Dad, if I ever needed
fatherly wisdom, it's now.

(sighs)

(roars)

Okay, everyone.

Jolly did a great job
standing on her hind legs.

What does she get?

ALL:
A goat!

(goat bleats)

(crowd cheering)

Cheer up, Bart.
You're working with dinosaurs.

(sighs)
I miss my kids.

Come on.
You're free and sleazy.

I know some adult dancers
that work with my mom.

Isn't your mom 87?

With social security
a thing of the past,

she can't afford to retire.

I don't know how that happened
in a senate with 99 Democrats.

That one Republican
is great at getting his way.

(zombies moaning)

Brains.

Actually, Terrance,

this is a synthetic
substance.

Devised for zombie vegans.

Or "zegans."

Meh.

What are you doing here?

You weren't answering
your phone.

I was worried you
might have been bitten.

Oh. Zombies not able
to control selves.

All we do bite, bite, bite.

You, sir, am racist.

I'm sure you're one
of the good ones.

Not to imply that there are
any bad ones, of course,

but all stereotypes
come from a place of...

(groans)
Ow!

(moans)
Still meh.

(upbeat techno music blares)

I don't think
I'm ready for this, man.

Dude, it's been two years
since the divorce.

Ooh. I love your perfume.

Can I smell you later?

Why don't you smell me now?

Haw haw.

Well, that didn't
look so hard.

You know, at my job,

I satisfy ladies
even bigger than you.

Um, I feed dinosaurs.

Sir, you have to leave.

You're bumming out
everybody,

and you have, like,
a goat beard stuck to your shoe.

Huh?

(groans)

One, please.

Mm-hmm.

Huh?

Man, that's some
targeted advertising.

After this procedure,

you will have total closure
from your divorce.

How long does this take?

It'll be over before
I finish this...

(electrical buzzing)

...sentence.

Wow. It works.

I'm completely over
my ex-wife.

Do you take
wedding bands as tips?

Put it in the jar.

One more injection
in two weeks, and you're cured.

But until then,

you may experience some
zombie-ism.

(chuckles)

Brains.

No. Those are just
teaching brains.

They're like
the plastic sushi

in front of a
Japanese restaurant.

Window sushi fake?

Window sushi fake.

Ay, caramba.
I have moved on.

Hey, passable-looking.

Sorry. I'm just a
little creeped out

by that screen saver.

Nothing to worry about.

He's been frozen
like that for days.

(moaning)

(whistling)

♪ Girls

♪ All I really want is girls

♪ And in the morning
it's girls... ♪

Wow. Now I see why
they call you Miss Hoover.

You must have been
vacuuming for an hour.

Anything to please my man.

So, was it good for you?

"Good" is not a concept
in my culture!

Oh, my God.
We went home with you?

Not just me.

There's Beppo, Boppo,
Emmett Kelly the Ninth,

Frenchy, Insane Clown Polly
and Commodore Tee-hee.

(horn toots)

Brains? Brains?

Garden brains.

(Milhouse grunts)

Spicy Mexican garden brains?

Too much sodium.
(grunts)

Give me your wallet!

(grunts)

(whirring)

(imitating siren):
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

What seems to be
the oopsie here?

(growling)

Yay! I'm fighting crime!

(grunts)

Officer needs backup.

There, back up.

(grunts) Oh?

The old Milhouse would have been
helpless with an asthma attack.

No breathing, no asthma.

I love how you're dropping
all your definite articles.

Brevity soul wit.

(giggling)

LISA:
Uh, what are you cooking?

Nothing.

You know,
Dad really misses you.

Well, I don't
miss his nonsense.

There's a lot of stuff
he blamed on raccoons

that I'm starting
to suspect was him.

Look, maybe I shouldn't
have done this,

but I've got him right here.

Oh.

Sorry, I must have
recorded over Dad.

But admit it. When you thought
it was Dad, you were excited.

It's only natural to miss a man
you buried 127 times.

(classical music playing)

(whooshing)

Hey, Homer, your robot
body finally came.

About time!

(whooshing)

Huh. Huh.

Hmm?

Hey, where's my junk?

Oh.

Whew!

(doorbell rings)

Hello?

(laughter, whirring)

Oh, you boys
look happy.

Yeah, but
Mom's sad.

Jerry moved out.

(Jenda cries)

I thought he was the one, Bart.

I just put in a
saltwater tank

where he could shed
his exoskeleton.

And now when I walk by
it, I feel like a fool.

He's the fool.
You're great.

You're just saying that
because you have to.

I don't have
to say anything.

Believe me, no guy wants

to see his ex
looking hot or being sweet.

Makes him realize
everything he's lost.

Wow. Wow.
You've really grown.

We should have
dinner sometime.

Hey, Dad, can you
watch the boys?

Sure.

(high-pitched whistling)

Body, to Moe's.

Hey, you're kind of
quiet tonight, Homer.

(belches loudly)

(whirring)

(crowd chatter,
gentle instrumental music plays)

You know, this was
a great evening.

(in squeaky voice):
Please enjoy your desserts.

Man, when is that voice
gonna change?

(whimpering)

Suddenly,
I want a different dessert.

But they brought us
little cakes and...

Oh.

Ay, caramba.

(metallic thudding)

Oop, oop, uh, yeah, open
your stance a little there.

Oh! Yeah, that's it.

Do your worst, kids!

(both gasp)

Come on!

Hug your grandpa, boys!

(whimpering)

Threat perceived.
Terminate! Terminate!

(yelling)

(laughing)

Kids are so afraid
of being terminated.

Looking good,
Santa's Little Hybrid.

Father, what am I?

JENDA:
Guys,

sit down.

Our lives are gonna change
a little.

Uh-oh.
This is never good.

This is good.

Your father and I are gonna try
to make it work again.

Like a classic rock band

whose hold-out member
finally needs money.

Wow. Everyone's back together
except Gramma and Grampa.

Oh, I think
that's about to change.

(high-pitched
mechanical whirring and hissing)

Aren't you going
to work, Dad?

One of us has to stay home
with you guys.

And your mom can't quit her job
at Google.

They need my help hunting down
those self-driving cars

that turned evil.

Oh, you passed
another rest stop!

I am not stopping again.

But I had a large soda!

I said get the small!

It was only 50 cents more!

Let's play The Quiet Game!

(groans)

(groans)
Now, will somebody hold up
a one dollar bill?

(bellowing screech)

(screaming)

(laughter)

(thunderous footsteps,
audience gasping)

Uh-oh. It looks like we woke
someone up from her nap.

(laughter)

Well, now that you're up,
you can do your juggling act.

(low growl)

(laughter)

(sad growl)

Milhouse, you were supposed
to come see me today

for your final
anti-zombie injection.

(groans)
Yes, well, uh...

But I'm supposed
to be in surgery now,

so I guess we're both
playing hooky. (laughs)

But, Lisa, if you want Milhouse
to return to his old self,

then you'd better bring him in
for that shot tomorrow.

But, Doctor...

(whispering):
he's so much more
interesting this way.

(growling)

Ooh.
I see.

Now enjoy the majesty
of our prehistoric past.

(horn toots)

So, that earring I
lost in the teleport,

turns out it's in Florida.

Yes!

That's not a
listening-to-me "yes."

You're watching something.

What? Me?
Oh, that's crazy.

You know, I knew it.

This is supposed to be us time,
and you're lensing a game.

Well, you're not
paying attention to me.

You're texting.

Yeah, only to complain about you
not paying any attention to me.

If I wasn't paying attention,

then how did I notice
you not paying attention

to my not paying attention? Ha!

Oh, I thought this time
things were gonna be different.

They are.

You're four years older.

Wow. What does
that mean?

Uh...

Hey, Bart,
what'll it be?

A tall beer and no
judgmental women.

That is so
typical of you.

What are you doing here?

I have to decide whether
to make Milhouse...

(sighs)

...human again.

I even prefer
the way he smells now.

Some meat went
bad in our freezer,

and my heart
skipped a beat.

Phoo! You two don't know
what a rough marriage is.

Mom, I got to know.

Once and for all,
what is the secret?

Why did you stay
with Dad so long?

Until I was eight, I thought
he was a magical gorilla.

Look, life's tough.

It's hard to make it through.

The only way I know is
when you make a decision

that comes from your
heart, you stick with it.

(sighs)

Like my marriage.

Or my divorce.

Or my decision to support
Duffman in his old age.

Duffman can still
swing and party.

(wheezy):
Oh, yeah.

Wait, Mom.

Does that mean you're
going to take Dad back?

No, I'm going
to join him forever.

(electrical buzzing)

(moaning)

(gasps)
(laughs)

Oh.

(electronic beeps,
tune plays)

I can't tell
if that was love, suicide

or a... a really boring
video game.

Lisa, your husband
is... fine.

(chuckles)

No residual
zombie-ism whatsoever.

Are you sure?

Watch. I'll just wave this
juicy brain in front of him.

I'm gonna faint!

Hooray.

So, Jenda,
I don't know what love is,

but I know what it isn't,
and we're isn't.

Yeah.

You're right.

That's why I started seeing
Jerry again without telling you.

Hey, buddy, how,
uh, how you doing?

What?! Oh!

You know what, Jenda?

I'm not even mad,

because I'm finally,
completely over you.

(whooshing)

WOMAN:
...sentence.

Wait. What am I doing back here?

You never left.

between when I flipped
the switch and now

was just a neural implant
in your temporal lobe.

Uh, you should look
at my profile.

Oh. Uh-huh.

It was all a dream,
and now you can go home.

So, you're sure I'm cured?

No more feelings for my ex-wife?

I'm positive.

We treat a lot of
people for obsessions.

(electrical buzzing,
whooshing)

It's a whole new day
for Nothing Stu!

Wow. I'm free.

Get ready, world.

I've got a whole new set
of mistakes to make.

(whistling)

Uh, ol' Gil could
use a fresh start.

Weren't you just
in here this morning?

I've had a bad day.

After 35 years
of marriage,

we've finally
gotten it right.

Yes, even my personality
has gotten,

shall we say,
an upgrade.

Oh! That's a bit
of a whoo-hoo.

Indeed.
Lis,

I hope things work out
with you and Milhouse,

but if they don't, I know
just where you should go.

Thanks, but Milhouse
and I are in

a pretty good place.

Even though he's not
a zombie anymore?

No, that's what happened
in your false memories.

There is no cure
for zombie-ism.
(groaning)

Dead flower
from dead husband.

(sighs dreamily)

And I was a false memory, too.

No, you were real.

Aw, shucks.

ANNOUNCER:
Next week on Fox Television's
The Simpsons:

Sit down.

You're not going anywhere.

(gasps)
Release the...

It ain't what you think!

I said no mayo!

Ay, caramba.

(laughs)

ANNOUNCER:
One week from tonight.