The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 22, Episode 16 - A Midsummer's Nice Dreams - full transcript
After Tommy Chong walks away from the Cheech & Chong reunion tour, Homer goes on the road as his replacement. Meanwhile, Marge tries to help the cat lady with her hoarding problem.
D'oh!
The Queen will be held
without bail
until the sample
is returned from the lab.
And now it's time
for "That's Kent-ertainment!"
Here's a story
that gives new meaning
to the words "puff piece."
Springfield natives
Cheech and Chong
are returning in triumph
for a reunion show.
Cheech and Chong are coming
back to Springfield?
Cheech and Chong
are from Springfield?
Lucy and Desi
are getting a divorce?
Before they formed
their "joint" partnership,
Tommy Chong
and Richard "Cheech" Marin
briefly worked as Channel 6
meteorologists.
Tomorrow, a
high-pressure front
brings a strong
possibility of drizzle.
Then, the doobie of destiny
changed their lives forever,
when police
burned marijuana seized
from the Buddy Rich Orchestra
in a nearby lot.
So, you know,
uh, check your barometer,
thermometer, anemometer...
Why does everything have
to have an "ometer" on it?
And what is rain, man?
It's like we're in the
apartment under God
and his fat sister
overflowed the tub.
The duo's herbal ha-has
led to a series
of successful albums, concerts,
movies and Nash Bridges.
Now these homegrown heroes
will kick off their summer tour
at Squidport's new amphitheatre,
the Clamphitheater,
the $800 million boondoggle
based on nothing more
than a cute play on words.
Who the hell
are Cheech and Chong?
Bart, Cheech and Chong
were the Beavis and Butthead
of their day.
Who are Beavis and Butthead?
I've failed as a parent.
I swore the day my son was born
he would appreciate
stoner comedy.
To the media room!
Open up.
It's the police.
Oh, man.
I got to get rid of my grass.
He's flushing his pot
down the toilet... unnecessarily!
Back then, we'd play
these albums again and again
till they were filled with skips
and clicks and pops.
Which was about three times.
These are comedy albums?
The Noisy Minority.
The Upside-Down
Bubblegum Collective.
The Regional Lampoon.
The Plymouth Grok Experiment.
Fro And Flo.
Allan Sherman's Helter Shmelter.
What are you guys doing up there?
Hide the dope!
We don't have any dope.
Then, what did I just smoke?
Lou, I want you to
confiscate these brownies.
There's no drugs
in these brownies.
I said "confiscate"!
Uh, also confiscate me
a T-shirt, uh triple-XL.
I thought you said double-XL
was a real wake-up call.
That was for pants.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Krusty the Clown.
Thank you.
When they asked me
to introduce Cheech and Chong,
I said, "How much?"
And they said, "We don't pay
for introductions,"
so I said, "Then I don't need
this crummy gig."
And they said, "Yes, you do,"
and I said...
"Ladies and gentlemen,
Cheech and Chong!"
Who is it?
It's me, Dave, man.
Open up.
I got the stuff.
I thought they'd do bits,
but their most famous bit?
Will you open up?
I got the stuff with me.
Ooh, he's gonna say
"Dave's not here."
Dave's not here!
Dave's not here!
Dave's not here!
Dave's not here!
Say the line, man.
They already know the line.
What's the surprise?
What's the point?
The point is they still give us
a shoebox full of 20s to do this.
Now, say it.
Dave's not...
Dave's not gonna sell out
anymore, man.
I-I can't say it.
What are you doing, man?!
What am I doing?
What am I...
I'm experimenting, man.
I'm growing as an artist, okay?
That's not the
Cheech and Chong brand.
Brand? Brand?
I'm a 72-year-old man.
I've eaten eggs every which way
they cook 'em.
I can't play it safe anymore.
Look, these people pay good
money to see "Dave's not here."
You owe them "Dave's not here."
Well, how about this?
Chong's not here, man.
Oh, no.
Chong is refusing to fall back
on his old catchphrases.
Ay, caramba.
Homie, you know all the bits.
Maybe you could help him.
I can't do reefer comedy.
I'm drunk.
Two different animals.
Homer Simpson, that man's albums
have given you decades
of entertainment
and seen you through
some very square times.
Help him.
Dave's not here, man.
No, man, I'm Dave.
D-A-V-E.
Dave?
That's right.
Now open up the door.
Dave's not here, man.
You find this funny, sir?
Just because it's too hip
for you, Smithers...
♪ ♪
I'll give Dave your message.
I don't find this funny at all.
My time being wasted
was not wasted.
Hey, man, you're all right.
How'd you like to
be the new Chong?
Yes.
Will I get to meet Dave?
There is no Dave.
How about Don Johnson?
It would be easier to meet Dave.
It is so cool for you to let me
go on tour with Cheech.
And remember, on the
road, the only vice
you can indulge in is gluttony.
Save lust and rage
for me and the kids.
Sweetie, don't worry.
I'm gonna come back
so horny and angry.
Aw...
I can't believe I'm riding
around in Cheech's van.
The van made of weed.
It's not made of weed.
Oh. What's it made of?
Hash? 'Shrooms?
Lysergic acid diethylamide?
No. The van is just made of van.
Oh...
Look, Homer, I really need you
to be on your game, you know?
A lot of our fans have
gone through rehab,
so they're much more critical.
Don't worry, Cheech.
I know all the classic bits
of you and Chong.
Don't say that name.
Now, you drive.
I have to go black out his face
on some T-shirts
with a Magic Marker.
Can we get high from the fumes?
No!
Okay, man, what I'm looking for
in a new Cheech
is someone who is, like,
open-minded and adventurous.
I haven't decided
about the mustache yet,
but you need your own suspenders.
Snap, snap.
Our friendship died
with the first snap,
and you buried it
with the second.
You ever notice how your nose
makes boogers?
What's up with that?
Uh, next?
I can't pay the rent.
You must pay the rent.
I can't pay the rent.
You must pay the rent.
I'll pay the rent.
My hero.
Aw, who am I kidding?
I don't got the money.
Ooh... Next?
Zoom.
I am your substitute teacher,
Sister Mary Elephant.
Class, attention, attention,
class, class. Shut up.
Thank you.
Uh, no, man.
No routines from the old regime.
Really? But Sister Mary's
no-nonsense attitude
is what inspired me
to become an educator.
Just let your freak
flag fly, man.
Well, I guess
as long as I fold it afterward
and don't display it at night...
Oh, perhaps I should improvise,
or do an improv?
I want you to reinvent the wheel.
No, de-invent the wheel.
No.
"Re-unvent the whool."
Oh, I'll get my prop trunk.
A lot of people have cell phones,
but I like to eat healthy,
So I invented...
the celery phone.
Hello? Hello?
Wow. You are the un-funniest man
I've ever seen.
Which means, teaming up with you
would be totally
pushing the envelope.
Mother,
how did you get this number?
It's a prop phone.
Yes, I have your celery.
I took the limpest
stalk there was.
Stop it. Stop riffing.
The gig is yours.
Time to finally return
your father's overdue movies.
Is it really okay to just
drop them into the pit
where the Blockbuster used to be?
Got a better idea?
Um, hello.
I'm Marge Simpson.
I think I've given you money
a couple of times.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't want the money back.
I just came for my dog.
Easter grass, Cable Ace Awards,
aquariums full of broken
pinball game parts,
popped but uneaten Jiffy Pop
still in the silver bubble,
sample-sized shampoos,
detergents and whiskeys, and...
I hate to say this
about the Cat Lady,
but I think she's crazy.
She's a hoarder.
This is so sad.
Can we help her?
We can. It'll be great.
Like a reality show
without the cameras.
You mean, just reality.
Yeah, that's what you think.
Cut, print, mail to NBC.
♪ Cheech and Chong
has lost its Chong ♪
♪ I am the Chong now ♪
♪ Take a little look ♪
♪ Take a little look ♪
♪ Take a little look at me-e. ♪
That's funny, Homer.
Now we really have
to work on the show.
Oh, yeah, I get you...
"Work on the show."
Maybe we should start
at 4:20, right?
Marijuana reference!
Yeah, I got it.
Listen, man, comedy is hard work.
Hard work? I thought
this was gonna be fun.
It is fun!
The fun is the knowledge
that our audience gets
a good value
for their hard-earned dollar!
♪ ♪
♪ Cheech is sure a lot less cool
than I imagined ♪
Stop that!
♪ Better shut up ♪
♪ Cheech is really mad ♪
♪ I wish that I had gone
with Cho-ong. ♪
Now, we've managed to
preoccupy the cat lady
for the next few hours.
♪ Memory ♪
♪ All alone in the moonlight ♪
♪ I can smile at the old days ♪
♪ I was beautiful then... ♪
Ah, so beautiful!
Thank you, Marge.
Thank you for clearing
the clutter from my house
and my mind.
Haul away, driver man!
Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!
A perfectly good
hot lather dispenser.
I can't count the number of times
Homie's cried in anguish
over his lukewarm lather.
Ooh, a pen
from the Milwaukee Hilton!
A phone answering machine
from the '80s!
♪ Nobody's home! ♪
All of J.D. Salinger's books,
except Catcher In The Rye!
Used pizza protectors!
Ooh!
Ooh!
She's crazy, but I'd do her.
Hey, Sister? Hey, Sister?
Class!
Class!
I got to go to the can, man.
Shut up!
You did all right, kid.
You earned a reward.
Oh, yeah.
A reward from Cheech.
♪ Yes, I am the victim
of a Basketball Jones ♪
♪ Ever since
I was a little baby ♪
♪ I always be dribblin' ♪
♪ In fact ♪
♪ I was de baddest dribbler
in the whole neighborhood ♪
♪ Then one day,
my mama bought me a basketball ♪
♪ And I loved that basketball ♪
♪ I took that basketball
with me everywhere I went ♪
♪ That basketball
was like a basketball to me ♪
♪ I even put that basketball
underneath my pillow ♪
♪ Maybe that's why
I can't sleep at night ♪
♪ I need help,
ladies and gentlemens ♪
♪ I need someone
to stand beside me ♪
♪ I need, I need someone
to set a pick for me ♪
♪ At the free-throw line
of life ♪
♪ Someone I can pass to ♪
♪ Someone to hit the open man
on the give-and-go ♪
♪ And not end up
in the popcorn machine ♪
♪ So, cheerleaders, help me out ♪
♪ Basketball Jones ♪
♪ I got a Basketball Jones ♪
♪ Oh, that sounds so sweet ♪
♪ I got a Basketball... ♪
Homer?
Homer!
Hmm?
Here's your reward.
What the...?!
Yeah.
I'm taking you to a museum, man.
Chong and I used to
come here all the time.
Oh! Why aren't you exactly
like your stage persona?
Now Homer, this Viramontes
image is an example
of how Chicano poster art
preserves a culture ignored
by Eurocentric society.
Eurocentric! Oh!
When do we have wacky adventures?
Ah, that's just the movies, man.
Can we at least get
some French fries?
Too high in trans fats.
Stop speaking Spanish.
Ladies and gentlemen, man.
Prepare for comedy
that will murder
your expectations
and bury them
in a sea of "what?"
with waves of "huh?"
I am Dave.
Dave is here. Man.
Skinner, his dessert
menu is funnier than you.
Yeah.
Yes, but I'm funnier
than the cocktail napkins.
They're blank, Seymour.
Yes, but there are two "K"
sounds in cocktail.
Yes, there are.
So, how was your
first day of school?
I met the new principal,
Mr. Baumgartner.
He seemed really cool.
When he walked through the gym,
he shot a basket.
Who has disturbed my tomb?
Grampa, you're not dead.
Well, wake me when I am.
I never thought I'd say this,
but Dad is the only
one who can help us.
Now, Homer, what did we agree
about personal phone calls
during rehearsal time?
It's disrespectful
to the high standards
people have come to expect
from Cheech and Chunk.
That's right. Now let's take it
from the part
where we sniff
each other's butts.
Yes, sir.
Come on, sniff!
That's a movie sniff.
This is live theater.
Now inhale, damn it.
I'm hearing it,
but I'm not feeling it.
Oh!
Ugh! Okay, bus parked.
Got to save Marge.
I can't believe the crazy house
would throw out all these forks.
Marge, sweetie,
do you know how low,
low prices are insane?
Well, sometimes
people can be, too.
What are you talking about?
Marge, you saved me.
Now I want to save you.
I'm not a hoarder.
Do the Yankees hoard pennants?
Does Marrakesh hoard intrigue?
Marge, Marge, what can one person
honestly do with...?
Filled-in mini
golf score sheets.
European ketchup.
Rolls of "I voted" stickers.
Styrofoam shaped
like old computers!
Oh!
Give me!
Oh, lookie, lookie!
Oh! Ooh! Ooh!
But...
Don't look back, Marge.
Don't look back.
Let's just leave the crazy
woman alone in our house.
We've got something
more important to attend to.
Uh, we'll deal with all that later.
Baby, wanna ride?
Come on. If Art Garfunkel
could forgive that
on talented twarp Paul Simon,
you can do this.
Whatcha do with Chong, man?
He sent me out here, man.
He's got this idea I'm unhappy
with my new partner.
I decided to put family over career.
You mean you put nothing over nothing?
Tell him how you feel.
- I feel super high.
- Yeah, me too.
Come on, surrender to the moment.
Don't make the mistake I always do.
I'm thinking too much before you act.
I guess people do like the classy bits.
You know, it's...
It's ok if you want
to experiment a little...
- Oh, Thomas...
- Oh, Richard.
I'm sorry I mocked your lack of suspenders.
I guess I was just jealous of your belt.
This belt has caused
too many fights between us.
Hello, mad spirits.
Before we parts, it is I,
mischievous and puckish Bart.
T'was not I that players did disturb.
T'was the doings of a grim and naught herd.
The gods have righted every wrong.
Cheech the stoner has his Cho'ong.
And Homer, he is back with mom,
Who is it?
It's me, Dave, man.
Open up, I got the stuff.
- Who?
- Dave, man.
Dave's not here.
Hold on, let me get the door here.
- Who are you?
- It's Dave, man.
You ruined it, man.
You weren't supposed to open the door.
Oh, okay, wait.
We start again.
- Close the door.
- I'll be out here with you, Dave.
- Hey, Homer, why don't you go and
get us some stuff? - Okay.
I'll go get some stuff.
Get down there.
Way way way far. Down there.
- Down here?
- Yeah, keep going, keep going.
Now turn the corner, turn the corner.
- Okay. Alright.
- Now keep going.
- Who is it?
- It's me, relieved.
Gee, sorry, Dave.
The Queen will be held
without bail
until the sample
is returned from the lab.
And now it's time
for "That's Kent-ertainment!"
Here's a story
that gives new meaning
to the words "puff piece."
Springfield natives
Cheech and Chong
are returning in triumph
for a reunion show.
Cheech and Chong are coming
back to Springfield?
Cheech and Chong
are from Springfield?
Lucy and Desi
are getting a divorce?
Before they formed
their "joint" partnership,
Tommy Chong
and Richard "Cheech" Marin
briefly worked as Channel 6
meteorologists.
Tomorrow, a
high-pressure front
brings a strong
possibility of drizzle.
Then, the doobie of destiny
changed their lives forever,
when police
burned marijuana seized
from the Buddy Rich Orchestra
in a nearby lot.
So, you know,
uh, check your barometer,
thermometer, anemometer...
Why does everything have
to have an "ometer" on it?
And what is rain, man?
It's like we're in the
apartment under God
and his fat sister
overflowed the tub.
The duo's herbal ha-has
led to a series
of successful albums, concerts,
movies and Nash Bridges.
Now these homegrown heroes
will kick off their summer tour
at Squidport's new amphitheatre,
the Clamphitheater,
the $800 million boondoggle
based on nothing more
than a cute play on words.
Who the hell
are Cheech and Chong?
Bart, Cheech and Chong
were the Beavis and Butthead
of their day.
Who are Beavis and Butthead?
I've failed as a parent.
I swore the day my son was born
he would appreciate
stoner comedy.
To the media room!
Open up.
It's the police.
Oh, man.
I got to get rid of my grass.
He's flushing his pot
down the toilet... unnecessarily!
Back then, we'd play
these albums again and again
till they were filled with skips
and clicks and pops.
Which was about three times.
These are comedy albums?
The Noisy Minority.
The Upside-Down
Bubblegum Collective.
The Regional Lampoon.
The Plymouth Grok Experiment.
Fro And Flo.
Allan Sherman's Helter Shmelter.
What are you guys doing up there?
Hide the dope!
We don't have any dope.
Then, what did I just smoke?
Lou, I want you to
confiscate these brownies.
There's no drugs
in these brownies.
I said "confiscate"!
Uh, also confiscate me
a T-shirt, uh triple-XL.
I thought you said double-XL
was a real wake-up call.
That was for pants.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Krusty the Clown.
Thank you.
When they asked me
to introduce Cheech and Chong,
I said, "How much?"
And they said, "We don't pay
for introductions,"
so I said, "Then I don't need
this crummy gig."
And they said, "Yes, you do,"
and I said...
"Ladies and gentlemen,
Cheech and Chong!"
Who is it?
It's me, Dave, man.
Open up.
I got the stuff.
I thought they'd do bits,
but their most famous bit?
Will you open up?
I got the stuff with me.
Ooh, he's gonna say
"Dave's not here."
Dave's not here!
Dave's not here!
Dave's not here!
Dave's not here!
Say the line, man.
They already know the line.
What's the surprise?
What's the point?
The point is they still give us
a shoebox full of 20s to do this.
Now, say it.
Dave's not...
Dave's not gonna sell out
anymore, man.
I-I can't say it.
What are you doing, man?!
What am I doing?
What am I...
I'm experimenting, man.
I'm growing as an artist, okay?
That's not the
Cheech and Chong brand.
Brand? Brand?
I'm a 72-year-old man.
I've eaten eggs every which way
they cook 'em.
I can't play it safe anymore.
Look, these people pay good
money to see "Dave's not here."
You owe them "Dave's not here."
Well, how about this?
Chong's not here, man.
Oh, no.
Chong is refusing to fall back
on his old catchphrases.
Ay, caramba.
Homie, you know all the bits.
Maybe you could help him.
I can't do reefer comedy.
I'm drunk.
Two different animals.
Homer Simpson, that man's albums
have given you decades
of entertainment
and seen you through
some very square times.
Help him.
Dave's not here, man.
No, man, I'm Dave.
D-A-V-E.
Dave?
That's right.
Now open up the door.
Dave's not here, man.
You find this funny, sir?
Just because it's too hip
for you, Smithers...
♪ ♪
I'll give Dave your message.
I don't find this funny at all.
My time being wasted
was not wasted.
Hey, man, you're all right.
How'd you like to
be the new Chong?
Yes.
Will I get to meet Dave?
There is no Dave.
How about Don Johnson?
It would be easier to meet Dave.
It is so cool for you to let me
go on tour with Cheech.
And remember, on the
road, the only vice
you can indulge in is gluttony.
Save lust and rage
for me and the kids.
Sweetie, don't worry.
I'm gonna come back
so horny and angry.
Aw...
I can't believe I'm riding
around in Cheech's van.
The van made of weed.
It's not made of weed.
Oh. What's it made of?
Hash? 'Shrooms?
Lysergic acid diethylamide?
No. The van is just made of van.
Oh...
Look, Homer, I really need you
to be on your game, you know?
A lot of our fans have
gone through rehab,
so they're much more critical.
Don't worry, Cheech.
I know all the classic bits
of you and Chong.
Don't say that name.
Now, you drive.
I have to go black out his face
on some T-shirts
with a Magic Marker.
Can we get high from the fumes?
No!
Okay, man, what I'm looking for
in a new Cheech
is someone who is, like,
open-minded and adventurous.
I haven't decided
about the mustache yet,
but you need your own suspenders.
Snap, snap.
Our friendship died
with the first snap,
and you buried it
with the second.
You ever notice how your nose
makes boogers?
What's up with that?
Uh, next?
I can't pay the rent.
You must pay the rent.
I can't pay the rent.
You must pay the rent.
I'll pay the rent.
My hero.
Aw, who am I kidding?
I don't got the money.
Ooh... Next?
Zoom.
I am your substitute teacher,
Sister Mary Elephant.
Class, attention, attention,
class, class. Shut up.
Thank you.
Uh, no, man.
No routines from the old regime.
Really? But Sister Mary's
no-nonsense attitude
is what inspired me
to become an educator.
Just let your freak
flag fly, man.
Well, I guess
as long as I fold it afterward
and don't display it at night...
Oh, perhaps I should improvise,
or do an improv?
I want you to reinvent the wheel.
No, de-invent the wheel.
No.
"Re-unvent the whool."
Oh, I'll get my prop trunk.
A lot of people have cell phones,
but I like to eat healthy,
So I invented...
the celery phone.
Hello? Hello?
Wow. You are the un-funniest man
I've ever seen.
Which means, teaming up with you
would be totally
pushing the envelope.
Mother,
how did you get this number?
It's a prop phone.
Yes, I have your celery.
I took the limpest
stalk there was.
Stop it. Stop riffing.
The gig is yours.
Time to finally return
your father's overdue movies.
Is it really okay to just
drop them into the pit
where the Blockbuster used to be?
Got a better idea?
Um, hello.
I'm Marge Simpson.
I think I've given you money
a couple of times.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't want the money back.
I just came for my dog.
Easter grass, Cable Ace Awards,
aquariums full of broken
pinball game parts,
popped but uneaten Jiffy Pop
still in the silver bubble,
sample-sized shampoos,
detergents and whiskeys, and...
I hate to say this
about the Cat Lady,
but I think she's crazy.
She's a hoarder.
This is so sad.
Can we help her?
We can. It'll be great.
Like a reality show
without the cameras.
You mean, just reality.
Yeah, that's what you think.
Cut, print, mail to NBC.
♪ Cheech and Chong
has lost its Chong ♪
♪ I am the Chong now ♪
♪ Take a little look ♪
♪ Take a little look ♪
♪ Take a little look at me-e. ♪
That's funny, Homer.
Now we really have
to work on the show.
Oh, yeah, I get you...
"Work on the show."
Maybe we should start
at 4:20, right?
Marijuana reference!
Yeah, I got it.
Listen, man, comedy is hard work.
Hard work? I thought
this was gonna be fun.
It is fun!
The fun is the knowledge
that our audience gets
a good value
for their hard-earned dollar!
♪ ♪
♪ Cheech is sure a lot less cool
than I imagined ♪
Stop that!
♪ Better shut up ♪
♪ Cheech is really mad ♪
♪ I wish that I had gone
with Cho-ong. ♪
Now, we've managed to
preoccupy the cat lady
for the next few hours.
♪ Memory ♪
♪ All alone in the moonlight ♪
♪ I can smile at the old days ♪
♪ I was beautiful then... ♪
Ah, so beautiful!
Thank you, Marge.
Thank you for clearing
the clutter from my house
and my mind.
Haul away, driver man!
Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!
A perfectly good
hot lather dispenser.
I can't count the number of times
Homie's cried in anguish
over his lukewarm lather.
Ooh, a pen
from the Milwaukee Hilton!
A phone answering machine
from the '80s!
♪ Nobody's home! ♪
All of J.D. Salinger's books,
except Catcher In The Rye!
Used pizza protectors!
Ooh!
Ooh!
She's crazy, but I'd do her.
Hey, Sister? Hey, Sister?
Class!
Class!
I got to go to the can, man.
Shut up!
You did all right, kid.
You earned a reward.
Oh, yeah.
A reward from Cheech.
♪ Yes, I am the victim
of a Basketball Jones ♪
♪ Ever since
I was a little baby ♪
♪ I always be dribblin' ♪
♪ In fact ♪
♪ I was de baddest dribbler
in the whole neighborhood ♪
♪ Then one day,
my mama bought me a basketball ♪
♪ And I loved that basketball ♪
♪ I took that basketball
with me everywhere I went ♪
♪ That basketball
was like a basketball to me ♪
♪ I even put that basketball
underneath my pillow ♪
♪ Maybe that's why
I can't sleep at night ♪
♪ I need help,
ladies and gentlemens ♪
♪ I need someone
to stand beside me ♪
♪ I need, I need someone
to set a pick for me ♪
♪ At the free-throw line
of life ♪
♪ Someone I can pass to ♪
♪ Someone to hit the open man
on the give-and-go ♪
♪ And not end up
in the popcorn machine ♪
♪ So, cheerleaders, help me out ♪
♪ Basketball Jones ♪
♪ I got a Basketball Jones ♪
♪ Oh, that sounds so sweet ♪
♪ I got a Basketball... ♪
Homer?
Homer!
Hmm?
Here's your reward.
What the...?!
Yeah.
I'm taking you to a museum, man.
Chong and I used to
come here all the time.
Oh! Why aren't you exactly
like your stage persona?
Now Homer, this Viramontes
image is an example
of how Chicano poster art
preserves a culture ignored
by Eurocentric society.
Eurocentric! Oh!
When do we have wacky adventures?
Ah, that's just the movies, man.
Can we at least get
some French fries?
Too high in trans fats.
Stop speaking Spanish.
Ladies and gentlemen, man.
Prepare for comedy
that will murder
your expectations
and bury them
in a sea of "what?"
with waves of "huh?"
I am Dave.
Dave is here. Man.
Skinner, his dessert
menu is funnier than you.
Yeah.
Yes, but I'm funnier
than the cocktail napkins.
They're blank, Seymour.
Yes, but there are two "K"
sounds in cocktail.
Yes, there are.
So, how was your
first day of school?
I met the new principal,
Mr. Baumgartner.
He seemed really cool.
When he walked through the gym,
he shot a basket.
Who has disturbed my tomb?
Grampa, you're not dead.
Well, wake me when I am.
I never thought I'd say this,
but Dad is the only
one who can help us.
Now, Homer, what did we agree
about personal phone calls
during rehearsal time?
It's disrespectful
to the high standards
people have come to expect
from Cheech and Chunk.
That's right. Now let's take it
from the part
where we sniff
each other's butts.
Yes, sir.
Come on, sniff!
That's a movie sniff.
This is live theater.
Now inhale, damn it.
I'm hearing it,
but I'm not feeling it.
Oh!
Ugh! Okay, bus parked.
Got to save Marge.
I can't believe the crazy house
would throw out all these forks.
Marge, sweetie,
do you know how low,
low prices are insane?
Well, sometimes
people can be, too.
What are you talking about?
Marge, you saved me.
Now I want to save you.
I'm not a hoarder.
Do the Yankees hoard pennants?
Does Marrakesh hoard intrigue?
Marge, Marge, what can one person
honestly do with...?
Filled-in mini
golf score sheets.
European ketchup.
Rolls of "I voted" stickers.
Styrofoam shaped
like old computers!
Oh!
Give me!
Oh, lookie, lookie!
Oh! Ooh! Ooh!
But...
Don't look back, Marge.
Don't look back.
Let's just leave the crazy
woman alone in our house.
We've got something
more important to attend to.
Uh, we'll deal with all that later.
Baby, wanna ride?
Come on. If Art Garfunkel
could forgive that
on talented twarp Paul Simon,
you can do this.
Whatcha do with Chong, man?
He sent me out here, man.
He's got this idea I'm unhappy
with my new partner.
I decided to put family over career.
You mean you put nothing over nothing?
Tell him how you feel.
- I feel super high.
- Yeah, me too.
Come on, surrender to the moment.
Don't make the mistake I always do.
I'm thinking too much before you act.
I guess people do like the classy bits.
You know, it's...
It's ok if you want
to experiment a little...
- Oh, Thomas...
- Oh, Richard.
I'm sorry I mocked your lack of suspenders.
I guess I was just jealous of your belt.
This belt has caused
too many fights between us.
Hello, mad spirits.
Before we parts, it is I,
mischievous and puckish Bart.
T'was not I that players did disturb.
T'was the doings of a grim and naught herd.
The gods have righted every wrong.
Cheech the stoner has his Cho'ong.
And Homer, he is back with mom,
Who is it?
It's me, Dave, man.
Open up, I got the stuff.
- Who?
- Dave, man.
Dave's not here.
Hold on, let me get the door here.
- Who are you?
- It's Dave, man.
You ruined it, man.
You weren't supposed to open the door.
Oh, okay, wait.
We start again.
- Close the door.
- I'll be out here with you, Dave.
- Hey, Homer, why don't you go and
get us some stuff? - Okay.
I'll go get some stuff.
Get down there.
Way way way far. Down there.
- Down here?
- Yeah, keep going, keep going.
Now turn the corner, turn the corner.
- Okay. Alright.
- Now keep going.
- Who is it?
- It's me, relieved.
Gee, sorry, Dave.