The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 19, Episode 13 - The DeBarted - full transcript
The new prankster in Bart's fourth grade class actually turns out to be a mole brought in by Principal Skinner to infiltrate Bart's inner circle. Homer falls in love with his loaner car after Marge wrecks their old one.
The Simpsons S19E13 (KABF06)
- The Debarted -
The art teacher is fat, not pregnant.
Ow! Mom, Lisa hit me!
I did not!
Kids, knock it off.
I'm uncomfortable driving
your father's car as it is.
Taxicab License.
What the...?
Fine! We'll divide the car
into your side and my side.
My leg is the barrier.
Mom!
The system works!
It's not funny!
Your wearing cleats!
Stop it! Stop it!
Sorry I'm late...
I was in a car crash.
Many hurt,
but nobody cool was harmed.
Just sit down, Bart.
Huh?!
Who's the new
meat in my seat?
Bart, this is Donny...
he's here at our school because
he was kicked out of P.S. 132.
P.S. That school sucked.
Don't worry, Bart,
Willie's bringing you
something to sit on.
Hey, Krabappel,
your name sounds
like "crab apple."
Did you go sour waiting
for someone to pick you?
Pretty much.
Huh?
Isn't he awesome?
When he grows up,
I want to be like me!
Look, new kid,
I'm the head hamster in
this habitrail, capisce?
Well, maybe there's a new
guinea pig in your cage.
Capisce that?
Oh, I capisce.
I capisce just fine.
Oh, well, you just
keep on capisce-ing.
See-saw!
Mr. Simpson, this damage
will take a week to fix.
While your car's in the shop,
uh, you can drive this loaner.
Loa... ner?
She's right here.
This is the kind of car
you see in commercials!
How much am I
paying for this?
- Nothing.
- Hm, it seems like a lot.
On the contrary.
The loaner car is complimentary.
It's standard policy.
Really? Oh!
You people are idiots!
That's the dumb...
What a stu...
I mean, that sounds fair.
Okay, so...
Look at you!
Idiots!
Driver of a loaner car
Much better than a
Driver of my normal car...
Whoa! Fancy wheels!
What song does the horn play?
None.
Classy.
Wha...?
Hey, boy, check out
my new car... huh?
Cut it out!
Want to take a ride
with your old man?
No.
Come on!
Come on!
Oh, come on!
Oh, fine.
What's the matter, son?
There's this new kid
at school who everyone thinks
is cooler than me.
Aw, don't give up, boy!
I believe in you, and not
just because I have to.
Really, Dad?
Son, I know when we first met,
we didn't really hit it off,
but since then I've really
come to respect you.
And unlike love,
respect can't be bought.
You're right.
I'm gonna go to school tomorrow
and show everyone I'm awesome.
That's my boy.
Now let's watch the air
conditioner fight the heater.
Now let's add
the rear window defogger.
Twister!
Get down!
"Air Skinner" brings it up.
He bounces the ball repeatedly
in a dribbling type motion.
Foul!
Great, I fouled out.
Now can I go?
Nope, I grant you
five more fouls.
Top this, Donny.
Thank you, children.
Welcome to the unveiling of our
new school lunch purchasing plan,
known as the Flex Plan.
Students may spend
up to ten points per day
in up to four
of seven categories.
Unused points roll over week
to week but not month to month.
Categories not included :
meat, dairy, vegetables...
Wha...?
That's odd.
But, as a one-time occurrence,
no cause for alarm.
It's not funny;
these movements are involuntary.
This almost makes me want
to find out how magnets work.
Bart! Bart! Bart!
Bart! Bart! Bart!
Bart! Bart! Bart!
Bart! Bart! Bart!
Who did this?
Until I find out, no one is leaving
this mixed-use auditorium.
But some of us
have after-school care!
When I catch
the culprit and I will...
I'm gonna throw this away...
and use this instead!
Principal Skinner?
I did it.
Young man, my office, now!
Huh?
Why did you take
the rap for me?
I don't know.
I like your style.
Well, remember this:
Bart Simpson takes care
of his friends.
Come see me when you get out.
Young man, brace yourself...
for some congratulations!
We did it!
You're in!
We finally have a man
on the inside.
We're gonna put Bart Simpson
away for a long, long time.
By law, the most we can give
him is a ten-day suspension.
Well, that's long to a kid!
All our other attempts
to get a spy inside
the Bart Simpson operation
have failed.
Uter, Ralph, Doug the
hip guidance counselor...
he was never the same after Bart
got through with him.
Your extracurriculars
are gonna need a lot
of work if you want
to get into Vanderbilt.
I'll get the goods
on this Simpson kid.
You have my word
as a snitch.
Oh. Here he comes.
Now this won't be easy,
but pretend I'm a jerk.
Young man, I'm gonna be on you
like a numerator on a denominator!
Let's take a ride.
I got a place with a view.
I've never seen
blue vines before.
They're only sold in Europe.
I know a guy.
Ah, yeah!
You can really taste the blue.
Check this out... Nyaa!
Oh, that's so cool!
Here's a little hair
of the dog for tomorrow.
Oh, thanks, Bart.
Now th we're buddies,
I can let you in on some of
the cool scams
we run at school.
Oh, yeah?
Like what?
Bathroom passes,
doctor's notes...
We can rig a cootie catcher so
you can marry anybody you want.
Whoa! Sherri!
I'm in.
Milhouse, bust out four
of our finest juice boxes.
I just wanna say...
juice-box fight!
Sounds like fun.
Can I play?
Sure.
How is that fun?
Fun's only fun
if everyone's having fun.
Mom, what are you doing?
Honey, this is how I save money
on ketchup and mustard.
Do you do it with relish?
No, I'm kind of
embarrassed about it.
Mrs. Simpson, may I take you
for an evening drive?
Our loaner awaits.
Did you just unlock
the car from here?
Baby, let's cruise
Away from here....
Don't be confused, baby
The way is clear
And if you want it,
you got it forever
This is not
a one-night stand, baby...
Hello. You've reached
the snug bug.
What do you mean
my car's ready?!
Well, you can keep it, 'cause
I'm never giving up this one.
Now why don't you enjoy
the sounds of my wife
and me making sweet,
sweet love.
That wasn't us,
that was the transmission.
Box fight!
Box fight!
One whistle!
Two whistles!
I'm one whistle away
from three whistles, people!
Faculty lounge
All right, here's the plan:
we go in there,
fill the coffee pot with
crickets from this bag
labeled crickets and leave.
I'm shipping up to Boston
Whoa-oh-oh
Shipping up to Boston
Whoa-oh-oh
I'm shipping off
to find my wooden leg
I'm a sailor peg,
and I lost my leg
Climbing up the topsails,
I lost my leg...
Skinner's five steps
ahead of me.
I put a tack in his chair,
he's corked his pants!
I throw a tomato,
he's making salad!
I have some information
ye might be interested in.
But it won't be easy to hear.
Because of your stupid accent?
Nach-nae!
Because of its upsetting nature!
Skinner's gotten to
someone close to ye.
A rat.
- Who is it?
- I dunno.
But Skinner's goin' to
meet the rat right now.
Thanks, Willie.
A child thanked me!
I gotta write this
in my journal.
Dear...
diary,
Today I've...
Got him.
Where am I?
You're in line
for a measle shot.
Okay, now we've made a
guide hole for the real needle.
Uh, Bart,
where are we going?
Gentlemen,
someone I thought I could trust
is a rat.
Now, let's see.
Is it my
best friend,
my other best friend,
or a kid I just met?
Donny...
grab Milhouse's legs.
He's the rat.
You grew tired
of always being in my shadow.
No, I like your shadow.
It's nice and cool.
Quit it! No!
Don't worry, we'll get him out
in a couple hours.
Oh, my Gosh.
It's an outhouse
sent from the future.
Hey, I'm in here.
Be quiet, Robo-potty.
Okay.
Now that we have taken care
of our rat problem,
Skinner can't stop us,
and I've got a prank I've
been planning for months.
We're going to egg Skinner's house.
We've already egged his car,
his office, and his father's grave.
How's this going to be different?
Gentlemen,
this is an ostrich egg.
Normally,
you can't even buy these.
You have to buy
the ostrich and wait.
How much of this is gunk?
The whole insides.
Whoa, to think this came out
of some animal's butt.
Beautiful, in its way.
This car is amazing.
The radio lets me contribute
directly to NPR.
This is Terry Gross from NPR,
saying "Thank you. "
Now, let's get back
to our 1987 interview
with Senator Alan Cranston.
I never dreamed an American car
designed in Germany,
assembled in Mexico
from parts made in Canada
could be so amazing.
Yeah, I can't believe
all those years
I used to drive
that old piece of...
What the...?
My old car.
So you're sure
this baby'll make
it out to the desert?
Sure. Why, what'd you
have in mind?
Well, we gonna start by shooting
her full of holes, and, uh,
then me and the boys are gonna
have a little fun with her.
I'll have you know I love this car
as if it were my own child.
Dad?
Sorry, Maggie.
Say, Simpson, would you mind holding
one end of this banner
while I put it up?
My pleasure, sir.
We'll see who's laughing
when your house
is smeared with ostrich albumen.
Donny's the rat.
Where do you think you're going?
Ah, get back to your
knitting, Seymour.
I will, but it's because I want to.
So, guys,
before we hit Skinner's,
I want to make a quick stop.
Hey, Bart,
uh, what are we doing here?
There's been a change of plans.
I was going to tell you,
but then I remembered...
you're the rat!
No, no, no,
you got it all wrong.
Skinner's tongue was blue.
Blue from the vines you gave him.
Why'd you do it, man?
Look, you don't start
out wanting to be a rat.
Sometimes it's your only option.
Skinner and Chalmers wanted to get
someone inside your organization
someone with no history.
Too cute, too tall,
too Siamese, too Siamese.
How much for that one?
I'm sorry, Bart.
You were like a
brother to me.
We were going to take wood
shop together and make nunchucks.
And then take people to our lockers
and show them our nunchucks.
I know.
That would have been cool.
Are we going to fizz
this guy or what?
Fizz me?
A funny thing happens when
you mix Mentos with Diet Coke.
Now imagine that times a million.
And it's all going to go down
in Skinner's office.
That's all we needed to hear.
Running away rules!
Sorry to plop, plop on your fizz, fizz.
What are you doing here?
I knew egging my house
was just a ploy.
You see, the rat who told
you about my rat
was also a rat.
It was rats within rats...
which was also me dinner last night.
Willie?!
You're on Skinner's side?!
He gave me something
you never could...
an elementary school diploma.
Bart, we're going to send
you to the toughest
juvenile detention center there is.
And it's all thanks to Donny here,
who can happily live the rest of his life
knowing he betrayed the one boy
who actually cared about him.
Skinner!
- Skinner?
- I'm all right, sir.
Don't ever scare me
like that again.
Well, I guess we're even.
What are you going to do now?
What I always do...
survive.
Hey, we should get
together sometime.
You know, to make nunchucks.
Sweet.
The rat symbolizes obviousness.
- The Debarted -
The art teacher is fat, not pregnant.
Ow! Mom, Lisa hit me!
I did not!
Kids, knock it off.
I'm uncomfortable driving
your father's car as it is.
Taxicab License.
What the...?
Fine! We'll divide the car
into your side and my side.
My leg is the barrier.
Mom!
The system works!
It's not funny!
Your wearing cleats!
Stop it! Stop it!
Sorry I'm late...
I was in a car crash.
Many hurt,
but nobody cool was harmed.
Just sit down, Bart.
Huh?!
Who's the new
meat in my seat?
Bart, this is Donny...
he's here at our school because
he was kicked out of P.S. 132.
P.S. That school sucked.
Don't worry, Bart,
Willie's bringing you
something to sit on.
Hey, Krabappel,
your name sounds
like "crab apple."
Did you go sour waiting
for someone to pick you?
Pretty much.
Huh?
Isn't he awesome?
When he grows up,
I want to be like me!
Look, new kid,
I'm the head hamster in
this habitrail, capisce?
Well, maybe there's a new
guinea pig in your cage.
Capisce that?
Oh, I capisce.
I capisce just fine.
Oh, well, you just
keep on capisce-ing.
See-saw!
Mr. Simpson, this damage
will take a week to fix.
While your car's in the shop,
uh, you can drive this loaner.
Loa... ner?
She's right here.
This is the kind of car
you see in commercials!
How much am I
paying for this?
- Nothing.
- Hm, it seems like a lot.
On the contrary.
The loaner car is complimentary.
It's standard policy.
Really? Oh!
You people are idiots!
That's the dumb...
What a stu...
I mean, that sounds fair.
Okay, so...
Look at you!
Idiots!
Driver of a loaner car
Much better than a
Driver of my normal car...
Whoa! Fancy wheels!
What song does the horn play?
None.
Classy.
Wha...?
Hey, boy, check out
my new car... huh?
Cut it out!
Want to take a ride
with your old man?
No.
Come on!
Come on!
Oh, come on!
Oh, fine.
What's the matter, son?
There's this new kid
at school who everyone thinks
is cooler than me.
Aw, don't give up, boy!
I believe in you, and not
just because I have to.
Really, Dad?
Son, I know when we first met,
we didn't really hit it off,
but since then I've really
come to respect you.
And unlike love,
respect can't be bought.
You're right.
I'm gonna go to school tomorrow
and show everyone I'm awesome.
That's my boy.
Now let's watch the air
conditioner fight the heater.
Now let's add
the rear window defogger.
Twister!
Get down!
"Air Skinner" brings it up.
He bounces the ball repeatedly
in a dribbling type motion.
Foul!
Great, I fouled out.
Now can I go?
Nope, I grant you
five more fouls.
Top this, Donny.
Thank you, children.
Welcome to the unveiling of our
new school lunch purchasing plan,
known as the Flex Plan.
Students may spend
up to ten points per day
in up to four
of seven categories.
Unused points roll over week
to week but not month to month.
Categories not included :
meat, dairy, vegetables...
Wha...?
That's odd.
But, as a one-time occurrence,
no cause for alarm.
It's not funny;
these movements are involuntary.
This almost makes me want
to find out how magnets work.
Bart! Bart! Bart!
Bart! Bart! Bart!
Bart! Bart! Bart!
Bart! Bart! Bart!
Who did this?
Until I find out, no one is leaving
this mixed-use auditorium.
But some of us
have after-school care!
When I catch
the culprit and I will...
I'm gonna throw this away...
and use this instead!
Principal Skinner?
I did it.
Young man, my office, now!
Huh?
Why did you take
the rap for me?
I don't know.
I like your style.
Well, remember this:
Bart Simpson takes care
of his friends.
Come see me when you get out.
Young man, brace yourself...
for some congratulations!
We did it!
You're in!
We finally have a man
on the inside.
We're gonna put Bart Simpson
away for a long, long time.
By law, the most we can give
him is a ten-day suspension.
Well, that's long to a kid!
All our other attempts
to get a spy inside
the Bart Simpson operation
have failed.
Uter, Ralph, Doug the
hip guidance counselor...
he was never the same after Bart
got through with him.
Your extracurriculars
are gonna need a lot
of work if you want
to get into Vanderbilt.
I'll get the goods
on this Simpson kid.
You have my word
as a snitch.
Oh. Here he comes.
Now this won't be easy,
but pretend I'm a jerk.
Young man, I'm gonna be on you
like a numerator on a denominator!
Let's take a ride.
I got a place with a view.
I've never seen
blue vines before.
They're only sold in Europe.
I know a guy.
Ah, yeah!
You can really taste the blue.
Check this out... Nyaa!
Oh, that's so cool!
Here's a little hair
of the dog for tomorrow.
Oh, thanks, Bart.
Now th we're buddies,
I can let you in on some of
the cool scams
we run at school.
Oh, yeah?
Like what?
Bathroom passes,
doctor's notes...
We can rig a cootie catcher so
you can marry anybody you want.
Whoa! Sherri!
I'm in.
Milhouse, bust out four
of our finest juice boxes.
I just wanna say...
juice-box fight!
Sounds like fun.
Can I play?
Sure.
How is that fun?
Fun's only fun
if everyone's having fun.
Mom, what are you doing?
Honey, this is how I save money
on ketchup and mustard.
Do you do it with relish?
No, I'm kind of
embarrassed about it.
Mrs. Simpson, may I take you
for an evening drive?
Our loaner awaits.
Did you just unlock
the car from here?
Baby, let's cruise
Away from here....
Don't be confused, baby
The way is clear
And if you want it,
you got it forever
This is not
a one-night stand, baby...
Hello. You've reached
the snug bug.
What do you mean
my car's ready?!
Well, you can keep it, 'cause
I'm never giving up this one.
Now why don't you enjoy
the sounds of my wife
and me making sweet,
sweet love.
That wasn't us,
that was the transmission.
Box fight!
Box fight!
One whistle!
Two whistles!
I'm one whistle away
from three whistles, people!
Faculty lounge
All right, here's the plan:
we go in there,
fill the coffee pot with
crickets from this bag
labeled crickets and leave.
I'm shipping up to Boston
Whoa-oh-oh
Shipping up to Boston
Whoa-oh-oh
I'm shipping off
to find my wooden leg
I'm a sailor peg,
and I lost my leg
Climbing up the topsails,
I lost my leg...
Skinner's five steps
ahead of me.
I put a tack in his chair,
he's corked his pants!
I throw a tomato,
he's making salad!
I have some information
ye might be interested in.
But it won't be easy to hear.
Because of your stupid accent?
Nach-nae!
Because of its upsetting nature!
Skinner's gotten to
someone close to ye.
A rat.
- Who is it?
- I dunno.
But Skinner's goin' to
meet the rat right now.
Thanks, Willie.
A child thanked me!
I gotta write this
in my journal.
Dear...
diary,
Today I've...
Got him.
Where am I?
You're in line
for a measle shot.
Okay, now we've made a
guide hole for the real needle.
Uh, Bart,
where are we going?
Gentlemen,
someone I thought I could trust
is a rat.
Now, let's see.
Is it my
best friend,
my other best friend,
or a kid I just met?
Donny...
grab Milhouse's legs.
He's the rat.
You grew tired
of always being in my shadow.
No, I like your shadow.
It's nice and cool.
Quit it! No!
Don't worry, we'll get him out
in a couple hours.
Oh, my Gosh.
It's an outhouse
sent from the future.
Hey, I'm in here.
Be quiet, Robo-potty.
Okay.
Now that we have taken care
of our rat problem,
Skinner can't stop us,
and I've got a prank I've
been planning for months.
We're going to egg Skinner's house.
We've already egged his car,
his office, and his father's grave.
How's this going to be different?
Gentlemen,
this is an ostrich egg.
Normally,
you can't even buy these.
You have to buy
the ostrich and wait.
How much of this is gunk?
The whole insides.
Whoa, to think this came out
of some animal's butt.
Beautiful, in its way.
This car is amazing.
The radio lets me contribute
directly to NPR.
This is Terry Gross from NPR,
saying "Thank you. "
Now, let's get back
to our 1987 interview
with Senator Alan Cranston.
I never dreamed an American car
designed in Germany,
assembled in Mexico
from parts made in Canada
could be so amazing.
Yeah, I can't believe
all those years
I used to drive
that old piece of...
What the...?
My old car.
So you're sure
this baby'll make
it out to the desert?
Sure. Why, what'd you
have in mind?
Well, we gonna start by shooting
her full of holes, and, uh,
then me and the boys are gonna
have a little fun with her.
I'll have you know I love this car
as if it were my own child.
Dad?
Sorry, Maggie.
Say, Simpson, would you mind holding
one end of this banner
while I put it up?
My pleasure, sir.
We'll see who's laughing
when your house
is smeared with ostrich albumen.
Donny's the rat.
Where do you think you're going?
Ah, get back to your
knitting, Seymour.
I will, but it's because I want to.
So, guys,
before we hit Skinner's,
I want to make a quick stop.
Hey, Bart,
uh, what are we doing here?
There's been a change of plans.
I was going to tell you,
but then I remembered...
you're the rat!
No, no, no,
you got it all wrong.
Skinner's tongue was blue.
Blue from the vines you gave him.
Why'd you do it, man?
Look, you don't start
out wanting to be a rat.
Sometimes it's your only option.
Skinner and Chalmers wanted to get
someone inside your organization
someone with no history.
Too cute, too tall,
too Siamese, too Siamese.
How much for that one?
I'm sorry, Bart.
You were like a
brother to me.
We were going to take wood
shop together and make nunchucks.
And then take people to our lockers
and show them our nunchucks.
I know.
That would have been cool.
Are we going to fizz
this guy or what?
Fizz me?
A funny thing happens when
you mix Mentos with Diet Coke.
Now imagine that times a million.
And it's all going to go down
in Skinner's office.
That's all we needed to hear.
Running away rules!
Sorry to plop, plop on your fizz, fizz.
What are you doing here?
I knew egging my house
was just a ploy.
You see, the rat who told
you about my rat
was also a rat.
It was rats within rats...
which was also me dinner last night.
Willie?!
You're on Skinner's side?!
He gave me something
you never could...
an elementary school diploma.
Bart, we're going to send
you to the toughest
juvenile detention center there is.
And it's all thanks to Donny here,
who can happily live the rest of his life
knowing he betrayed the one boy
who actually cared about him.
Skinner!
- Skinner?
- I'm all right, sir.
Don't ever scare me
like that again.
Well, I guess we're even.
What are you going to do now?
What I always do...
survive.
Hey, we should get
together sometime.
You know, to make nunchucks.
Sweet.
The rat symbolizes obviousness.