The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 18, Episode 8 - The Haw-Hawed Couple - full transcript
Bart and Nelson become best friends, but Bart surprisingly discovers that the fringe benefits aren't worth Nelson's neediness.
The Simpsons 18x08 (JABF02)
The Haw-Hawed Couple
Mom! Bart's drinking coffee!
It's not coffee,
it's hot Pepsi.
You're the worst
husband in the world!
Yeah, well, I wish I'd
married Patty and Selma.
I wish I'd married
Lenny and his friend.
Man, Mom and Dad are
really going at it.
I hope everything's okay.
Don't you spit
sunflower seeds at me.
You used to love it!
Recording that fake
fight was a great idea.
Now the kids won't bother us
during our morning snuggle.
Dear Lord, thank you for the physical
intimacy we are about to enjoy.
And as always,
have fun watching.
Go... lovemaking!
And I hate the cutesy way
you make jack-o'-lanterns!
I like scary Halloween,
not funny Halloween!
♪ I been through the desert ♪
♪ on a horse with no name ♪
♪ It felt good to be
out of the rain ♪
County fair music?
Whoo, whoo.
Milhouse, steady my Duds.
Trust me, Bart.
It's better to walk in on both your
parents than on just one of 'em.
Hey, dinks, give me
your lunch money!
But what will I eat at midday?
I can't solve all your problems.
Just hand over the money.
Thanks, wads, and I hope
to see you both Saturday.
Huh?
Come to my party or die.
Come to my party or die.
I hate Nelson's parties.
He makes you look at his baseball
cards and tell him they're good.
They're not good.
I don't like him.
I'll bet Nelson won't
even have gift bags.
Is that legal?
Wait! What if nobody goes?
He can't kill all of us.
He's right. Individually,
we are weak like a single twig.
But as a bundle,
we form a mighty faggot.
Well said.
Unthinkable!
Is that legal?
If we all stand together,
Nelson's helpless.
Wait. What if nobody goes?
Hell, no, we won't show.
Hell, no, we won't show!
Hell, no, we won't show!
Hell, no, I won't mow!
Willy, you're fired with
complete loss of pension.
Damn it!
You actually convinced people
not to go to Nelson's party?
Yep, he'll be all alone
on his birthday.
Oh, I wish I could see it.
Boo-hoo, I'm Nelson.
No one likes me.
Bartholomew J. Simpson,
how can you be so mean?!
What are you going
to do about it?
Hey!
I'll whack you with
the whole salad set
if you don't start
thinking about others.
You are going to that party.
Mom, I can't go!
No one else is.
Well, if no one else jumped off
the Empire State Building,
would you not jump?
Kind of...
Aw, come on, Bart.
The party will be fun.
Nelson's not bad.
All he needs is a little kindness.
Lisa, you're never gonna get a
husband by being sarcastic.
All right, no husband.
You're getting a husband!
And you are going to that party.
Dad, don't make me go.
I'll give you a back rub.
Oh, your elbow's like an angel's kiss,
but you still have to go.
Why?
Son, we all have to do
things we don't want to:
like have jobs and families
and responsibilities
and having to be
Mr. Funny all the time.
You think I wouldn't rather
be living nude in the forest
like some ancient pagan,
just dancing around
playing the pan flute?!
And here we are.
Okay, just walk in, say
"happy birthday" and get out.
Whoa!
This party doesn't suck.
Pizza, that's a nice touch.
Uh-oh, do I hear a dial tone?
'Cause this party is off the hook!
What up, B?
Um, happy birthday, Nelson.
Uh, I know it seems
a little quiet.
Must be a lot of traffic today.
Is Highway 88 backed up?
Oh, yeah, it's a parking lot out there.
Of course, that explains everything.
Stupid Highway 88!
Huh?
Hi, kids, my spidey
sense is tingling.
Tingling because it's a
certain someone's birthday.
Yeah!
- Uh, where are all the kids?
- They're coming!
They are!
I love you, Spidey!
Uh, listen, I only got
ten minutes of material.
Maybe I should come
back a little later.
Don't go.
My party peeps are
en route, I swear!
Nelson, nobody's coming.
But how could nobody come?
I ordered them to.
Well, that's the thing.
Sometimes you can
be kind of a jerk.
True... but I thought
I had some friends.
Maybe you can have
fun with just me.
Okay.
Why not?
Stop having fun, kids.
I'm Dr. Octopus from
Marvel Comics' Spiderman.
I'm inventing a ray that turns
birthday presents into homework.
Yah!
Come on, Bart.
Let's knock him down.
Wait, I have an idea.
Look at our kids,
playing like champs.
Yeah. How'd you afford
this kick-ass party?
Carnival ride hit
me on the head.
Hmm...
So how was Nelson's party?
Not bad.
We had pizza, cake and then sang
songs with Nelson's grandma.
But it was a one-time thing,
and now I'll never see him again.
Hey! It's my birthday bud!
Yeah, yeah, it was,
uh, super fun.
Good times.
Hey, Ralph, have I got
half a sandwich for you.
Bart, where you going?
I saved you a seat, best friend.
Ha-ha!
Hey, best friend,
I got you a present.
An entire case of pool cue chalk.
Huh? Huh?
We can make the tip
of anything blue.
Um, Nelson, I was just thinking
about us being best friends.
Whoa! Me, too!
We are so connected!
Look, um,
I don't have time
for new friends.
I got a lot on my plate.
I've got a big report due on
the Nile River topic sentence,
bibliography, page
numbers... it's nuts.
Dude...
You made me get
water on my cheek.
Bart is my best friend now,
which means no one picks
on him ever again.
Okay! Okay!
I forgot how cool Bart was.
Yeah, he's awesome.
Good guy, good guy.
Isn't he?
I've known him for years, but
I ran into him at a party
and we really clicked.
That's right,
we're best friends now.
So why don't you go pick on
someone smaller and weaker?
Good idea!
Let's go over to the Sunshine
pre-school and wail on toddlers.
Yeah, we'll jump 'em
while they're napping.
Homie...
Huh...?
When you're done putting
Lisa to bed we can, uh...
finish what we started
the other day.
Woo-hoo!
Marital sex!
Okay, tucked in tight,
glass of water,
nightlight on, no barn owls,
don't do drugs, love you,
good night.
Dad, can't you read me a
story for a little bit?
But your mother
smells like coconut.
Okay, sweetie, which
book should I read?
Angelica Button and the
Dragon King's Trundle Bed.
It's the ninth book in the
Angelica Button series.
Oh, yeah, this is that fantasy
book that even grown-ups like.
Broken, lonely grown-ups.
"Chapter One: The Ruby
Stone in the Door-Portal".
Are you asleep yet?
No.
"Angelica trembled as she looked
up at the stern but wise whiskers
of Headmaster Greystash..."
Angelica Button, you
are a mere Earthkin.
What business have you with
the Merlinical Council?
I bring warning!
The Minister of Niceness,
Lord Evilton,
is not what he appears!
Preposterous-sss!
Foolish Earthkin!
Send her to the sorrow mines
of Mount Purgatorium.
Nooo!!
Lisa, wake up.
They're taking Angelica
to Mount Purgatorium.
Oh, Dad, I'm tired.
- We read more tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?
But she's in trouble now.
I'll just read ahead
without you.
No! We have to read it together.
Oh, of course.
Whatever you say, sweetie.
Nighty-night.
I like to come up here
and make fun of the sunset.
Hey, gas ball, you suck!
Nelson, do you ever
wish you weren't a bully?
Mm, sometimes.
But it's not up to me,
it's who I am.
I mean, a shark can't stop
swimming or it'll blow up.
Man...
I never knew you were so deep.
Here, this is for you.
A Nelson vest!
The sleeves were
torn off by wild dogs.
From then on, my life changed.
♪ He's a rebel and he'll ♪
♪ ever, ever be any good... ♪
All of a sudden, I was a somebody
in a school full of nobodies.
I could go anywhere,
do anything.
For us, to live any
other way was nuts.
♪ That's no reason why I can't ♪
♪ give him all my love ♪
♪ He's always good to me, ♪
♪ always treats me tenderly ♪
♪ 'Cause he's no rebel, ♪
♪ no, no, no ♪
♪ He' rebel, no, no, no, to me... ♪
So, Scoty, how do
you like school?
Closed!
Life was perfect.
Lisa, I'm home.
Time for me to read to you!
Lisa's sleeping
over at Janey's.
Apparently, her mom makes
good mac and cheese.
Homer? Homer.
You must read ahead.
Fiction is your passion!
Lady, you're nice,
but I'm married.
Just read the book,
you shaved ape.
Ow! I can't read ahead.
I promised Lisa I wouldn't.
Just take a peek at
the title of the next chapter,
and see if you can resist.
"An Unexpected Occurrence"?!
What could it be?
- We hooked him, Galahad.
- Yes, quite.
"Angelica was trapped in the
suffoclock of Sandy Doom..."
"...as Headmaster Greystash
fought a battle to the finish
with dark wizard Maluicious Krubb."
Time to choose, Greystash.
If you save Angelica... you die!
Good-bye... Angelica.
Greystash.
He killed Greystash!
Thanks for spoiler the
there, big mouth.
- Hey, Bart.
- Milhouse.
Bart, why are you hanging
around with Nelson so much?
He's a bully.
Hey, don't use the
"B" word around me.
It's offensive.
- Yo, bully.
- What up, my bully?
How come they can say it?
They just can, okay?
It's weird to see you
as somebody's sidekick.
Whoa, Bart Simpson is
nobody's sidekick.
Then why are you
wearing that vest?
Because my chest is cold
and my arms aren't.
I see.
Then i'm suppose you can just
fly kites with whoever you want,
right here in front of everyone.
Come on, Bart.
Throw the dork a bone.
All right, I will.
Blue and red,
the colors of friendship.
You're late.
I was waiting to smash this frog
with you, and it peed in my hand.
Sorry. I was, uh... stealing loose
grapes at the grocery store.
Really? You call this
stealing loose grapes?
We were just having fun.
Don't get upset.
Oh, right. Stupid Nelson
always gets upset.
He'll probably do
something stupid.
Like smash his own camera!
Look what you made me do!
Nelson, get in here!
The cat's eyes are runny,
and I need you to dab 'em.
Coming Ma!
See you later, lying traitor!
Something in your eye, Mr. Mooch?
Well there's something
in my eye, too.
Ma, what happened
to the curtains?
I made 'em into a dress
for karaoke singing.
Hey Bart, do you
want some ice cream?
I just hit a major
marshmallow vein.
Oh! I think it goes
all the way to the bottom.
- No, thanks.
- What's wrong?
Me and Nelson were best friends,
and now I think he's gonna kill me!
Bully problem, eh?
You know what they say
all bullies are cowards.
It's not true... they're brave,
'cause they're strong.
Bart, we need to talk.
I feel so bad about
freaking out on you.
It'll never happen
again, I swear.
Um... okay.
Best friends?
Forever?
No!
I can't do it.
You're a nut bar, a whack job!
A kooka-dooka!
Please, just leave me alone.
- Best not to get involved.
- Agreed.
Looks like you've
made your choice.
Make sure your affairs
are in order.
I've set up a trust.
It bypasses the inheritance tax.
Only till 2008.
Look into it!
Oh, Greystash...
Greystash!
Oh, hello, Lisa.
Come on, Dad, read
the last chapter.
Everyone says there's
a big surprise.
I bet Angelica discovers
that she's a wizard.
How would you feel if something
bad happened to Greystash?
It would be the day
my childhood ended.
Come on, read, read!
"Angelica was trapped in the
Suffoclock of Sandy Doom..."
Time to choose, Greystash.
If you save Angelica, you die!
Why are you stopping?
We're almost at the happy ending.
No book is gonna make
my daughter sad.
Time to do what I do best.
Lie to a child!
"Greystash looked Krubb
right in the eye and said..."
Mustache power:
activate!
Oh, man, I can't believe
you beat me, but you did.
I somehow escaped
from the hourglass!
And now, to go on living!
The end.
Is that really how it ends?
What happened to
the Merlinical Council?
They went to Star Wars Land
and fought star wars.
Dad, you can read to me anytime.
Now Lisa won't know about death
till it strikes someone close to her.
Dad's ending is better.
Okay, field-trippers, welcome to
the Springfield Tide Pools,
nature's most fecund ecosystem.
Who will spot
the playful abalone?
The mighty winkle?
I think it might be you, Sherri.
Now, remember, these pools can be
dangerous, so everyone pick a buddy.
Bart's my buddy.
Good boy, Nelson.
Squeeze him extra
tight for safety.
We sure are far from
the rest of 'em.
Funny how that happened, huh?
Come with me.
Nelson, please don't kill me.
Remember when we made
fun of Cinco de Mayo?
I called it "Stinko de Mayo."
We laughed so hard.
Bart...
you are a bad friend.
S-Say again?
You never liked me for me.
You liked that I protected
you and gave you a vest
and stole milk boxes for you.
I hate milk!
It comes from cow wangs!
There you go again.
You act all nice,
and then you go crazy.
Well, maybe I get jealous.
But it's just because...
I never had a best
friend before.
Nelson, was the water
always up to our necks?
Nelson?
Help! Help!
- Put this on.
- Where did you get it?
Dude gave it to me.
Man lips!
Skinner loves Bart!
Skinner loves Bart!
Shut up! I'm just giving
him CPR, the kiss of life.
And if anyone loves Bart,
it's Nelson.
Where is Nelson?
I'm sorry, Nelson
never woke up.
- What?!
- Never woke up, because...
he never passed out
he's right over there.
Hey, thanks for saving me, man.
Course I saved you
you're my field trip buddy.
- And nothing else.
- You mean...?
Exactly.
You're barf to me now.
Oh, Nelson...
I'll never forget that week
we were best friends.
I touched your heart!
Greystash! Greystash!
Gee, you're really upset
about this Greystash thing.
Don't say his name.
In your mouth,
it sounds like dirt!
Homer, it's just a book.
No man should outlive
his fictional wizard.
No man!
The Haw-Hawed Couple
Mom! Bart's drinking coffee!
It's not coffee,
it's hot Pepsi.
You're the worst
husband in the world!
Yeah, well, I wish I'd
married Patty and Selma.
I wish I'd married
Lenny and his friend.
Man, Mom and Dad are
really going at it.
I hope everything's okay.
Don't you spit
sunflower seeds at me.
You used to love it!
Recording that fake
fight was a great idea.
Now the kids won't bother us
during our morning snuggle.
Dear Lord, thank you for the physical
intimacy we are about to enjoy.
And as always,
have fun watching.
Go... lovemaking!
And I hate the cutesy way
you make jack-o'-lanterns!
I like scary Halloween,
not funny Halloween!
♪ I been through the desert ♪
♪ on a horse with no name ♪
♪ It felt good to be
out of the rain ♪
County fair music?
Whoo, whoo.
Milhouse, steady my Duds.
Trust me, Bart.
It's better to walk in on both your
parents than on just one of 'em.
Hey, dinks, give me
your lunch money!
But what will I eat at midday?
I can't solve all your problems.
Just hand over the money.
Thanks, wads, and I hope
to see you both Saturday.
Huh?
Come to my party or die.
Come to my party or die.
I hate Nelson's parties.
He makes you look at his baseball
cards and tell him they're good.
They're not good.
I don't like him.
I'll bet Nelson won't
even have gift bags.
Is that legal?
Wait! What if nobody goes?
He can't kill all of us.
He's right. Individually,
we are weak like a single twig.
But as a bundle,
we form a mighty faggot.
Well said.
Unthinkable!
Is that legal?
If we all stand together,
Nelson's helpless.
Wait. What if nobody goes?
Hell, no, we won't show.
Hell, no, we won't show!
Hell, no, we won't show!
Hell, no, I won't mow!
Willy, you're fired with
complete loss of pension.
Damn it!
You actually convinced people
not to go to Nelson's party?
Yep, he'll be all alone
on his birthday.
Oh, I wish I could see it.
Boo-hoo, I'm Nelson.
No one likes me.
Bartholomew J. Simpson,
how can you be so mean?!
What are you going
to do about it?
Hey!
I'll whack you with
the whole salad set
if you don't start
thinking about others.
You are going to that party.
Mom, I can't go!
No one else is.
Well, if no one else jumped off
the Empire State Building,
would you not jump?
Kind of...
Aw, come on, Bart.
The party will be fun.
Nelson's not bad.
All he needs is a little kindness.
Lisa, you're never gonna get a
husband by being sarcastic.
All right, no husband.
You're getting a husband!
And you are going to that party.
Dad, don't make me go.
I'll give you a back rub.
Oh, your elbow's like an angel's kiss,
but you still have to go.
Why?
Son, we all have to do
things we don't want to:
like have jobs and families
and responsibilities
and having to be
Mr. Funny all the time.
You think I wouldn't rather
be living nude in the forest
like some ancient pagan,
just dancing around
playing the pan flute?!
And here we are.
Okay, just walk in, say
"happy birthday" and get out.
Whoa!
This party doesn't suck.
Pizza, that's a nice touch.
Uh-oh, do I hear a dial tone?
'Cause this party is off the hook!
What up, B?
Um, happy birthday, Nelson.
Uh, I know it seems
a little quiet.
Must be a lot of traffic today.
Is Highway 88 backed up?
Oh, yeah, it's a parking lot out there.
Of course, that explains everything.
Stupid Highway 88!
Huh?
Hi, kids, my spidey
sense is tingling.
Tingling because it's a
certain someone's birthday.
Yeah!
- Uh, where are all the kids?
- They're coming!
They are!
I love you, Spidey!
Uh, listen, I only got
ten minutes of material.
Maybe I should come
back a little later.
Don't go.
My party peeps are
en route, I swear!
Nelson, nobody's coming.
But how could nobody come?
I ordered them to.
Well, that's the thing.
Sometimes you can
be kind of a jerk.
True... but I thought
I had some friends.
Maybe you can have
fun with just me.
Okay.
Why not?
Stop having fun, kids.
I'm Dr. Octopus from
Marvel Comics' Spiderman.
I'm inventing a ray that turns
birthday presents into homework.
Yah!
Come on, Bart.
Let's knock him down.
Wait, I have an idea.
Look at our kids,
playing like champs.
Yeah. How'd you afford
this kick-ass party?
Carnival ride hit
me on the head.
Hmm...
So how was Nelson's party?
Not bad.
We had pizza, cake and then sang
songs with Nelson's grandma.
But it was a one-time thing,
and now I'll never see him again.
Hey! It's my birthday bud!
Yeah, yeah, it was,
uh, super fun.
Good times.
Hey, Ralph, have I got
half a sandwich for you.
Bart, where you going?
I saved you a seat, best friend.
Ha-ha!
Hey, best friend,
I got you a present.
An entire case of pool cue chalk.
Huh? Huh?
We can make the tip
of anything blue.
Um, Nelson, I was just thinking
about us being best friends.
Whoa! Me, too!
We are so connected!
Look, um,
I don't have time
for new friends.
I got a lot on my plate.
I've got a big report due on
the Nile River topic sentence,
bibliography, page
numbers... it's nuts.
Dude...
You made me get
water on my cheek.
Bart is my best friend now,
which means no one picks
on him ever again.
Okay! Okay!
I forgot how cool Bart was.
Yeah, he's awesome.
Good guy, good guy.
Isn't he?
I've known him for years, but
I ran into him at a party
and we really clicked.
That's right,
we're best friends now.
So why don't you go pick on
someone smaller and weaker?
Good idea!
Let's go over to the Sunshine
pre-school and wail on toddlers.
Yeah, we'll jump 'em
while they're napping.
Homie...
Huh...?
When you're done putting
Lisa to bed we can, uh...
finish what we started
the other day.
Woo-hoo!
Marital sex!
Okay, tucked in tight,
glass of water,
nightlight on, no barn owls,
don't do drugs, love you,
good night.
Dad, can't you read me a
story for a little bit?
But your mother
smells like coconut.
Okay, sweetie, which
book should I read?
Angelica Button and the
Dragon King's Trundle Bed.
It's the ninth book in the
Angelica Button series.
Oh, yeah, this is that fantasy
book that even grown-ups like.
Broken, lonely grown-ups.
"Chapter One: The Ruby
Stone in the Door-Portal".
Are you asleep yet?
No.
"Angelica trembled as she looked
up at the stern but wise whiskers
of Headmaster Greystash..."
Angelica Button, you
are a mere Earthkin.
What business have you with
the Merlinical Council?
I bring warning!
The Minister of Niceness,
Lord Evilton,
is not what he appears!
Preposterous-sss!
Foolish Earthkin!
Send her to the sorrow mines
of Mount Purgatorium.
Nooo!!
Lisa, wake up.
They're taking Angelica
to Mount Purgatorium.
Oh, Dad, I'm tired.
- We read more tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?
But she's in trouble now.
I'll just read ahead
without you.
No! We have to read it together.
Oh, of course.
Whatever you say, sweetie.
Nighty-night.
I like to come up here
and make fun of the sunset.
Hey, gas ball, you suck!
Nelson, do you ever
wish you weren't a bully?
Mm, sometimes.
But it's not up to me,
it's who I am.
I mean, a shark can't stop
swimming or it'll blow up.
Man...
I never knew you were so deep.
Here, this is for you.
A Nelson vest!
The sleeves were
torn off by wild dogs.
From then on, my life changed.
♪ He's a rebel and he'll ♪
♪ ever, ever be any good... ♪
All of a sudden, I was a somebody
in a school full of nobodies.
I could go anywhere,
do anything.
For us, to live any
other way was nuts.
♪ That's no reason why I can't ♪
♪ give him all my love ♪
♪ He's always good to me, ♪
♪ always treats me tenderly ♪
♪ 'Cause he's no rebel, ♪
♪ no, no, no ♪
♪ He' rebel, no, no, no, to me... ♪
So, Scoty, how do
you like school?
Closed!
Life was perfect.
Lisa, I'm home.
Time for me to read to you!
Lisa's sleeping
over at Janey's.
Apparently, her mom makes
good mac and cheese.
Homer? Homer.
You must read ahead.
Fiction is your passion!
Lady, you're nice,
but I'm married.
Just read the book,
you shaved ape.
Ow! I can't read ahead.
I promised Lisa I wouldn't.
Just take a peek at
the title of the next chapter,
and see if you can resist.
"An Unexpected Occurrence"?!
What could it be?
- We hooked him, Galahad.
- Yes, quite.
"Angelica was trapped in the
suffoclock of Sandy Doom..."
"...as Headmaster Greystash
fought a battle to the finish
with dark wizard Maluicious Krubb."
Time to choose, Greystash.
If you save Angelica... you die!
Good-bye... Angelica.
Greystash.
He killed Greystash!
Thanks for spoiler the
there, big mouth.
- Hey, Bart.
- Milhouse.
Bart, why are you hanging
around with Nelson so much?
He's a bully.
Hey, don't use the
"B" word around me.
It's offensive.
- Yo, bully.
- What up, my bully?
How come they can say it?
They just can, okay?
It's weird to see you
as somebody's sidekick.
Whoa, Bart Simpson is
nobody's sidekick.
Then why are you
wearing that vest?
Because my chest is cold
and my arms aren't.
I see.
Then i'm suppose you can just
fly kites with whoever you want,
right here in front of everyone.
Come on, Bart.
Throw the dork a bone.
All right, I will.
Blue and red,
the colors of friendship.
You're late.
I was waiting to smash this frog
with you, and it peed in my hand.
Sorry. I was, uh... stealing loose
grapes at the grocery store.
Really? You call this
stealing loose grapes?
We were just having fun.
Don't get upset.
Oh, right. Stupid Nelson
always gets upset.
He'll probably do
something stupid.
Like smash his own camera!
Look what you made me do!
Nelson, get in here!
The cat's eyes are runny,
and I need you to dab 'em.
Coming Ma!
See you later, lying traitor!
Something in your eye, Mr. Mooch?
Well there's something
in my eye, too.
Ma, what happened
to the curtains?
I made 'em into a dress
for karaoke singing.
Hey Bart, do you
want some ice cream?
I just hit a major
marshmallow vein.
Oh! I think it goes
all the way to the bottom.
- No, thanks.
- What's wrong?
Me and Nelson were best friends,
and now I think he's gonna kill me!
Bully problem, eh?
You know what they say
all bullies are cowards.
It's not true... they're brave,
'cause they're strong.
Bart, we need to talk.
I feel so bad about
freaking out on you.
It'll never happen
again, I swear.
Um... okay.
Best friends?
Forever?
No!
I can't do it.
You're a nut bar, a whack job!
A kooka-dooka!
Please, just leave me alone.
- Best not to get involved.
- Agreed.
Looks like you've
made your choice.
Make sure your affairs
are in order.
I've set up a trust.
It bypasses the inheritance tax.
Only till 2008.
Look into it!
Oh, Greystash...
Greystash!
Oh, hello, Lisa.
Come on, Dad, read
the last chapter.
Everyone says there's
a big surprise.
I bet Angelica discovers
that she's a wizard.
How would you feel if something
bad happened to Greystash?
It would be the day
my childhood ended.
Come on, read, read!
"Angelica was trapped in the
Suffoclock of Sandy Doom..."
Time to choose, Greystash.
If you save Angelica, you die!
Why are you stopping?
We're almost at the happy ending.
No book is gonna make
my daughter sad.
Time to do what I do best.
Lie to a child!
"Greystash looked Krubb
right in the eye and said..."
Mustache power:
activate!
Oh, man, I can't believe
you beat me, but you did.
I somehow escaped
from the hourglass!
And now, to go on living!
The end.
Is that really how it ends?
What happened to
the Merlinical Council?
They went to Star Wars Land
and fought star wars.
Dad, you can read to me anytime.
Now Lisa won't know about death
till it strikes someone close to her.
Dad's ending is better.
Okay, field-trippers, welcome to
the Springfield Tide Pools,
nature's most fecund ecosystem.
Who will spot
the playful abalone?
The mighty winkle?
I think it might be you, Sherri.
Now, remember, these pools can be
dangerous, so everyone pick a buddy.
Bart's my buddy.
Good boy, Nelson.
Squeeze him extra
tight for safety.
We sure are far from
the rest of 'em.
Funny how that happened, huh?
Come with me.
Nelson, please don't kill me.
Remember when we made
fun of Cinco de Mayo?
I called it "Stinko de Mayo."
We laughed so hard.
Bart...
you are a bad friend.
S-Say again?
You never liked me for me.
You liked that I protected
you and gave you a vest
and stole milk boxes for you.
I hate milk!
It comes from cow wangs!
There you go again.
You act all nice,
and then you go crazy.
Well, maybe I get jealous.
But it's just because...
I never had a best
friend before.
Nelson, was the water
always up to our necks?
Nelson?
Help! Help!
- Put this on.
- Where did you get it?
Dude gave it to me.
Man lips!
Skinner loves Bart!
Skinner loves Bart!
Shut up! I'm just giving
him CPR, the kiss of life.
And if anyone loves Bart,
it's Nelson.
Where is Nelson?
I'm sorry, Nelson
never woke up.
- What?!
- Never woke up, because...
he never passed out
he's right over there.
Hey, thanks for saving me, man.
Course I saved you
you're my field trip buddy.
- And nothing else.
- You mean...?
Exactly.
You're barf to me now.
Oh, Nelson...
I'll never forget that week
we were best friends.
I touched your heart!
Greystash! Greystash!
Gee, you're really upset
about this Greystash thing.
Don't say his name.
In your mouth,
it sounds like dirt!
Homer, it's just a book.
No man should outlive
his fictional wizard.
No man!