The Shivering Truth (2017): Season 1, Episode 3 - Ogled Inklings - full transcript

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[ Traffic noises ]

♪♪

Announcer: But the other thing
about this jail was...

it could only afford
one wall of bars.

Guard!

Whenever a prisoner
wanted to escape,

the guards had to lug it over
to him so he could try.

Ugh. Ugh.

Auuuugghhh!

All right, pal.
You done here?

Yeah, I'm good.
Thanks, guys.



Yeah, yeah.

[ Snaps fingers ]

Damn it, we supposed
to be on break.

I mean, where's our rest?

It's as though, despite the fact
that we are the jailers,

in a sense,
we are in our own prison...

of the mind.

Oh, man.
What a thought!

Announcer:
That's when Prisoner 72301

figured out how to escape.

Guard, bars!

Do it now, or I say
something so profound,

it'll blow every mind
in this joint.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, easy.
Let's not get heavy here.



I-I'm --
I'm bringing it.

You -- Your head here.

J-J-Just don't
say anything

to upend my world view,
all right?

I got kids.
I got kids.

You know what
I always wondered --

like, what's the deal
with society, bruh?

Oh, man,
that's a trip.

You're free!
No bars can hold you now, boys.

Yah, boys! Yah! Yah!
Whoo-hoo!

Where did he go?
W-Where'd he go?

Aah!

Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

Aaaaaaaaaaah!

Announcer: Then again, some
people are born victims --

all of them.

♪♪

And some days, your whole life
flashes before your eyes,

in real time,
starting with Day One.

One last push, ma'am.
It's a boy!

Oh! Oh, God.

What?
Oh, no!

What is it?!

I'm sorry, ma'am --
he's a dirty pig.

[ Cries ]

Announcer: But some accidents
are even worse...

when the victim
doesn't deserve it.

Sir?
Mr. Lem, can you hear me?

Oh. Where am I?

Who am I?

Your name is Neil Lem.

You've been in an accident.
You were driving,

and a woman was
on the sidewalk without a bra.

You took your eyes off the road
to ogle her breasts.

Oh.

You hopped the curb
and ran over a dog.

Oh!

And its owner.

Oh, God.

And his kids.

Ohh!

And their friends.

Oh.
And their
pet hamster.

But, miraculously,
we were able to save...

only the hamster.

I...was ogling?

The good thing is you managed
to swerve back onto the road.

Thank God.

Straight into
a school bus.

Ohh!

None of those
kids survived.

The parents
are devastated.

Understandably,
many have bought guns...

Ohh!

...and are going on
shooting sprees all over town.

I-I don't know who I am,
but I'm -- I'm --

I'm sure I did not mean
to ogle a girl.

Woman. Woman.
She wants to meet you.

Meet me? Why?

It's the least
you could do.

I mean, it seems like you
like her so much.

We thought,
maybe you two

meet under these tragic
circumstances,

it bonds you into
an unlikely romance

wherein you help
each other heal.

Could be an amazing
love story.

Oh. Um...I...Okay.

Do -- Do I --
Do I look all right?

Sure. Lila!

Come on in, honey.

Wait. W-When did
the accident happen?

It was about
three hours ago.

Why?

She's just...

older than I --

I'm sorry.

Is she not your type?

No!

I didn't --
I didn't mean...

She's really vulnerable
right now.

She's gone.
I hope you're happy.

[ Hyperventilating ]

Sir?
Mr. Lem?

Can you hear me?

What...happened?

You said some offensive
things to a woman,

and the media got wind
of everything you've done.

Mm-hmm.
There's been riots
across the state.

The whole
country's in chaos.
Oh.

But before
it got out of control,

the police were deployed
to maintain the peace...

Thank Christ for --

...which means thousands

of innocent citizens
have been shot quite dead.

That's awful.
The human animal
will take only so much

before they rise up to tear
down governments that oppress.

-Ohh.
-Sensing weakness,

the North Koreans
launched the first nuke.

-Ohh!
-But after we retaliated,

Iran, Russia, China,
Japan, India,

Brazil unleashed
all they had.

Most of Earth's
population is dead.

Of the survivors,
90% are mutant-ed.

The only thing
the globe agrees on

is that this is all your fault,
and you must pay.

[ Hyperventilating ]

Mr. Lem? Can you hear me?

Where am I?
What happened?

The mutants consider you
their God...

Ahh. What?

...presuming this was
all your grand plan

to remake civilization with
their kind as our overlords.

Ohh. Ohh.

But we normals beseech you --
stand with us.

Ohh. Ohh.

Declare allegiance
to our resistance!

Aah.

Will you wave
our flag?

I-I swear I'll never
ogle anyone again.

Forget about that!

You're the only
fertile male left --

we need your help
to repopulate.
What?

Come.
Give me some semen.

Oh. Ohh.
Hurry. Come on.

Hit me, stat!
Uh, okay.

Do you have, like,
a-a dirty magazine?

Haven't you
ogled enough?!

We've got medical
extraction procedures.

No, no, no, no, no!

Ohh!

Ohh. Hello?

Mr. Lem, you're up.

Great. All's back to normal.
You're free to go.

But the ogling?

Turns out that
was a hoax.

You're totally fine.
Exit's through there.

Ohh. Uh.

This is the worst hoax
I've ever been a part of!

And I was in the camps.

Oh!

Guard!

Announcer: The only way to
escape the prison of reality

is to turn your life into a lie
so you are not you.

You're a different person
making all this up

in his journal
of fantastical fiction,

a lonely loser
as pathetic as a poet.

No, put that down!
Please, n-not poetry!

Aaah!

Where'd he go?
Where'd he go?

Announcer: Life flashes forced
Officer Dale

to recall
his first disappointment...

how, since the age of 6,

he yearned for a puppy
but his parents were allergic...

to making him happy.

So, instead, they had
his grandma move in,

and Dale taught her some tricks.

He trained Nana to sit up
and beg for her meds.

She could shake...

Here, Nana, Nana!
Good Nana!

...catch a Frisbee
in her teeth.

When she messed the rug,
he rubbed her nose in it

until the foul of her
unpleasantness was gone.

But when Dale took Nana
to the vet to get fixed,

they discovered she had mange,

and he had to put her out of his
misery and into his ecstasy.

[ Gunshot ]

Weeks later, when his chum
got a 3-legged dog,

Dale was jealous because he
could only afford a pet leg.

It spent all day humping itself,
happy as a lark's arm,

and even gave birth
to a litter of toe-lets...

until the day it got hit
by a wheel.

Doctors had to amputate
his whole body

and replace him
with a wooden one.

Other dogs mistook Sock
for a stick,

so he contracted rabies
and went on a rampage.

Witnessing such carnage
gave Dale a deep desire

to create his own fate.

But tragically, the urge
to conjure a better new world

can turn even a decent
human being into a poet.

Dale: The sun-dappled lark
crouched on a branch,

admiring the brilliance
of the poet...

[ Tweets ]

No. That's ridiculous.

The chipmunk crouched
on a branch in awe of the poet.

No, no, no.

Hm. Hm.

[ Gasps ]

I know!

There he is!

Sir, we need you to come
with us immediately.

Excuse me? I-I don't...

No, we need your poetry.

It's the only thing
that can save the world.

Your poetry
really matters.

It does?
Totally.

The world needs
your poetry right away!

For real?
Yes, and
the amazing thing --

we're not making fun
of you at all.

The government personally
requested that you,

the best poet on earth,
come read his super not boring,

not lame, not solipsistic,
indulgent,

narcissistic, vapid,
deluded twaddle.

Come on! Let's move!

Oh, my God,
this is amazing.

I know! It's incredible.
You're such a good poet.

I always secretly hoped
this would happen.

Oh, it's happening.
Let's go!

This is so inspiring.

Hang on.
I've got to write about this.

But we need you!
Hold on.

Words are coming --
slowly, but, oh, they're coming.

Sir, we don't have time!

You know, you're kind of
in my space right now,

lagging my flow?

Not sure if you've heard,

but I've recently been
acknowledged by the military

as a pretty important poet,

so I can probably
get you fired.

No. Please don't, sir.
I need this job.

I have 52 children.

Well, now you know

there are some things
more important than sex

with a whole bunch
of stupid, beautiful women.

You really taught me
something today.

How did you get so wise?

I've had a lot
of lonely time

to think up a lot of very wise,
um, thoughts...

Oh, that's so cool.

...thoughts...thoughts...

Anyway, we better go.

World needs you and all.

Yeah, right.

My poem isn't finished.

But, sir, the world!

I need you to respect
my beautiful process.

Aaaaah!

Announcer:
And that was the day
that man never remembered

to stop ogling the Earth.

[ Thwap! ]

♪ There's blood in the kitchen ♪

♪ There's blood in the hall ♪

♪ There's blood in the parlor
where my lady did fall ♪

♪♪