The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 5, Episode 8 - Pen Pals/Big Flakes - full transcript
Ren and Stimpy are snowed in. Stimpy amuses himself with watching dark TV, whistling in a bottle and other mundane activities.Ren and Stimpy are watching TV when they see the grand opening ...
It sure was nice
of your parents
to loan us their
cabin for the weekend.
Sure was nice of your parents
to loan us their station wagon.
Oww !
Oww !
We're here !
Yippee !
Go unpack the car
and I'll get the door.
Log, sweet log.
It's got
everything we need.
Looky, Ren, a big,
toasty fireplace.
And a six-month supply
of moose-meat jerky.
And a real log-skin rug.
Look, a hot natural
geyser bidet !
This is great !
All the comforts of home.
Let's hit the hay and get
some rest for a full day
of leisure tomorrow.
( Stimpy )
And bless the trees
and the rocks
and the pretty snow.
And bless Brigitta and Marta
and little Gretel and--
oh, I forgot the other
boy-- What's his name ?
And the icicles and the car
and the mountains and lakes--
oh, and the onions
and chain saws
and eggplants
and the spiders
and cockroaches...
please, father,
make him shut up.
And bless my cat box
and the umbrella...
wrap it up already !
( echoing )
Already, already...
and bless my ill-tempered
best friend, Ren.
Amen !!!
( echoing )
Amen !
( alarm ringing )
Scream like a girl !
( slurping )
I wanna play
in the snow !
Snow, snow, snow !
Snowy, snowy, snowy !
I wanna play
in the snow !
Snow, snow, snow !
Snowy, snowy, snowy !
Snow, snow, snow !
( giggling )
Right, now why don't you go
outside and play in the snow.
You can stay out as
long as you like.
See you in
a week or so.
Have fun !
Now's my chance to
try out that bidet.
( knocking )
Now what ?
Wow !
We're snowed in
for the winter !
Do you know what
this means ?
Six months of nothing
but quality time with
my best pal, Ren.
Six months ?
What are we gonna
do for six months ?
Hmm...
I know !
We can play games !
Blithering idiot.
Duh...
imbecile.
Wham, wham, wham, wham.
Numskull.
( mumbling )
Stupid, raving fool.
( screaming )
That's right, Ren !
You win again.
All right, we played
charades long enough.
Why not make yourself
useful and start a fire ?
Eee !
Finally, just me
and my bidet.
But, Ren,
what'll I burn ?
Huh ?
What'll you burn ?
I don't care what
you burn, stupid.
Well, Stimpson,
I gotta hand it to you.
This is one
swell fire.
You like it ?
It's my very first.
Now be a good lad and
trot out into the kitchen
and cook us up
some dinner.
Okey dopey, okey.
You'll find a supply of frozen
moose meat in the fridge.
Eh... heh...
I, uh, already used
the moose meat in the fire.
What ?
( growling )
You-- you're angry,
aren't you ?
Three words.
Three adverbs ?
You're very, very,
very angry ?
And you're
gonna hit me ?
On the nose ?
The walls are closing in.
Closer, closer.
There's no more air.
I gotta get outta here,
I need more room !
Can't breathe.
I need air !
Ren, relax, it's okay.
It's just your claustrophobia
acting up again.
Oh, yeah ?
What about your
severe acrophobia ?
( screaming )
Yeah, and your
fear of big words,
like "triskaidekaphobia,"
"agoraphobia,"
"bigwig-aphobia."
( screaming )
Stop it, stop it !
( screaming )
Stop it !
( doorbell )
I'll get it.
Pizza boy.
I got your pizzas
and everything.
And I do mean
everything.
Duh, we didn't
order no pizza.
Wait a minute, you're
not the boys in the band.
No.
Wrong house, kids !
Sorry, wrong house,
that's okay.
Bye now.
( laughing )
Boys in the band,
what a dope.
Ren ?
I'm sorry, Stimpy, I've
been holding out on you.
This whole cabin's
made of chocolate.
See ?
Hey, I've been holding
out on you, too.
All this time, I've been
eating... peanut brittle.
( both )
Let's share.
( crunching )
( laughing )
( narrator )
Uh-Oh, little billy
looks forlorn.
Hey, kid,
what's the matter ?
Why so glum ?
Oh, everybody always makes fun
of me 'cause I'm just a kid.
I wish I were a man,
then I'd get some respect.
Listen, kid, if you wanna
get treated like a man,
you gotta
look like a man.
What you need
is a symbol.
A symbol ?
Yes, something that's
says, "hey, look at me,
I'm no kid,
I'm a man !"
Please, mister,
I gotta know the secret.
What do I need to
become a man ?
It's simple.
All you need is
varicose veins.
Wow !
They're so manly.
Yes, kids, run right
down to the store
and pick up a box today.
♪ Varicose veins ♪
♪ varicose veins
varicose veins... ♪
one--
( clearing throat )
( man's voice )
One adult, please.
Hey, you can't
see this movie.
You're just a kid.
Hold it !
( screaming )
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
That's one adult.
Enjoy the film.
Another fine product
from age-tron.
Also try our
string-Wart APPLIQUé.
Stick-on liver spots.
Our deluxe strap-on
neck waddle.
And our all-new
e-Z stretch-mark oven.
From age-tron, of course.
( man )
This is a special report.
Well, the Queen was at
the gala opening of Tulip Pines
State Penitentiary.
This lavish playpen
for the legally challenged
features the latest
in criminal reform.
Like five-star dining.
Beauty salon.
( crying )
And for those of you
who prefer privacy,
our solitary
confinement units,
overlooking the gorgeous
hills of tulip pines.
So remember,
at tulip pines penitentiary,
the grass is always greener on
the other side of the law.
This has been
a special report.
Wait a minute.
I'm a taxpayer, too,
and look at this dump.
But Ren, you've been
living off your mother
for the past
eight years.
Forget about that !
( knocking )
Como Esta,
señor federale.
Yo hablo ingles.
You Ren Hoek ?
We've been
watching you.
Now look,
you are in violation
of city penal code
I-E-g-x-r-b-s-b,
infraction of
a state law,
aiding and abetting,
littering,
sauntering.
Step away from the house.
All right, Franco,
take her away.
Uh... well, boys,
have a nice day.
( whistling )
Great, now where're
we going to live ?
I don't know, Ren.
But your mom's
gonna be really mad.
( growling )
( screaming )
Come on, Stimpy.
Duh, where are
we going, Ren ?
To commit some crimes.
Ah, yes.
With this baby,
we'll be on the next
bus to prison.
And this bank
is our ticket !
Now, remember your lines.
Stick 'em up,
this is a heist !
Psst, Stimpy.
Duh, oh, yeah.
Give us a full tank of gas,
we're taking this bird to Cuba.
Step back,
he's got a spud !
That's right, and I'm
a good shot, too.
I can take your
eye out from here.
Now who's first ?
You !
Empty your pockets !
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Now get a good
look at my face.
Uh, Ren.
Not now, Stimpy,
I'm enjoying this.
Oh, the power of it all.
You !
Behind the counter !
I want you to
call the cops !
Yes, police.
There's a asthma
hound chihuahua
and a big, fat,
stupid cat,
and they're
gonna rob the bank.
Get down here,
please, please !
Armed robbery.
We'll easily get
20 years for this.
( man )
You sick and
twisted vermin.
Come out with your
hands in the air.
We're going to jail !
Well, see you
around, folks.
No hard feelings.
First thing I'm gonna
do when we get to jail
is get a nice
bikini wax.
The only place you're
going is kingdom come.
But, Ren, I thought you
said we were going to jail.
( growling )
( cop )
Aim... fire.
Okay, Stimpy.
If we can't go legally,
we'll break in.
How we gonna
do this, Ren ?
Well, for starters,
with this.
There you go,
you little rascal.
Wasn't he a handsome
devil ?
Shame about that
chicken-Bone incident.
Oh, well, at least he behaves
much better this way.
B-b-but wait.
Have I got
a surprise for you.
All right,
Stimpy, fire !
I brought your
favorite chew toy.
Rascal ?
( screaming )
Oh, rascal... rascal.
Hmm, hmm ?
See, I'm telling you,
this plan's gonna work.
But of course,
I never doubted myself.
Joy, you the man.
Thanks, pal.
Stupid.
Vengeance is mine.
This one's for rascal.
( explosion )
All right,
I've got a better plan.
Hey, Ren, it worked,
the coast is clear.
You're a genius.
( gurgling )
All better, Ren ?
Ren ?
I oughta--
jeepers,
it's the fuzz !
Quick, Stimpy, hide !
That'll be enough
sweets for you today.
Aww, the big bad boy's
stomach's upset.
It could be
a stinky night.
( panting )
Keep quiet,
and maybe
he'll go away.
All right, this
is your last chance.
You gonna arrest us
or what ?
Your mama.
Fire !
( beeping )
Mama, mama, mama !
Hee, hee !
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
( shrieking )
Fire !
( screaming )
Fire.
( screaming )
( Ren )
Man, look at
all this room.
It's lovelier than
I ever imagined.
The barbells will go here,
the law library over there.
Track lighting up here,
holy pictures right here.
Of course,
the color's all wrong.
Now, now listen, boys.
Have I got a new
roommate for you.
That's no problem, we've got
plenty of... space.
( beeping )
Uh... uh...
have a nice day.
( whistling )
Looks like another
happy ending, Ren.
of your parents
to loan us their
cabin for the weekend.
Sure was nice of your parents
to loan us their station wagon.
Oww !
Oww !
We're here !
Yippee !
Go unpack the car
and I'll get the door.
Log, sweet log.
It's got
everything we need.
Looky, Ren, a big,
toasty fireplace.
And a six-month supply
of moose-meat jerky.
And a real log-skin rug.
Look, a hot natural
geyser bidet !
This is great !
All the comforts of home.
Let's hit the hay and get
some rest for a full day
of leisure tomorrow.
( Stimpy )
And bless the trees
and the rocks
and the pretty snow.
And bless Brigitta and Marta
and little Gretel and--
oh, I forgot the other
boy-- What's his name ?
And the icicles and the car
and the mountains and lakes--
oh, and the onions
and chain saws
and eggplants
and the spiders
and cockroaches...
please, father,
make him shut up.
And bless my cat box
and the umbrella...
wrap it up already !
( echoing )
Already, already...
and bless my ill-tempered
best friend, Ren.
Amen !!!
( echoing )
Amen !
( alarm ringing )
Scream like a girl !
( slurping )
I wanna play
in the snow !
Snow, snow, snow !
Snowy, snowy, snowy !
I wanna play
in the snow !
Snow, snow, snow !
Snowy, snowy, snowy !
Snow, snow, snow !
( giggling )
Right, now why don't you go
outside and play in the snow.
You can stay out as
long as you like.
See you in
a week or so.
Have fun !
Now's my chance to
try out that bidet.
( knocking )
Now what ?
Wow !
We're snowed in
for the winter !
Do you know what
this means ?
Six months of nothing
but quality time with
my best pal, Ren.
Six months ?
What are we gonna
do for six months ?
Hmm...
I know !
We can play games !
Blithering idiot.
Duh...
imbecile.
Wham, wham, wham, wham.
Numskull.
( mumbling )
Stupid, raving fool.
( screaming )
That's right, Ren !
You win again.
All right, we played
charades long enough.
Why not make yourself
useful and start a fire ?
Eee !
Finally, just me
and my bidet.
But, Ren,
what'll I burn ?
Huh ?
What'll you burn ?
I don't care what
you burn, stupid.
Well, Stimpson,
I gotta hand it to you.
This is one
swell fire.
You like it ?
It's my very first.
Now be a good lad and
trot out into the kitchen
and cook us up
some dinner.
Okey dopey, okey.
You'll find a supply of frozen
moose meat in the fridge.
Eh... heh...
I, uh, already used
the moose meat in the fire.
What ?
( growling )
You-- you're angry,
aren't you ?
Three words.
Three adverbs ?
You're very, very,
very angry ?
And you're
gonna hit me ?
On the nose ?
The walls are closing in.
Closer, closer.
There's no more air.
I gotta get outta here,
I need more room !
Can't breathe.
I need air !
Ren, relax, it's okay.
It's just your claustrophobia
acting up again.
Oh, yeah ?
What about your
severe acrophobia ?
( screaming )
Yeah, and your
fear of big words,
like "triskaidekaphobia,"
"agoraphobia,"
"bigwig-aphobia."
( screaming )
Stop it, stop it !
( screaming )
Stop it !
( doorbell )
I'll get it.
Pizza boy.
I got your pizzas
and everything.
And I do mean
everything.
Duh, we didn't
order no pizza.
Wait a minute, you're
not the boys in the band.
No.
Wrong house, kids !
Sorry, wrong house,
that's okay.
Bye now.
( laughing )
Boys in the band,
what a dope.
Ren ?
I'm sorry, Stimpy, I've
been holding out on you.
This whole cabin's
made of chocolate.
See ?
Hey, I've been holding
out on you, too.
All this time, I've been
eating... peanut brittle.
( both )
Let's share.
( crunching )
( laughing )
( narrator )
Uh-Oh, little billy
looks forlorn.
Hey, kid,
what's the matter ?
Why so glum ?
Oh, everybody always makes fun
of me 'cause I'm just a kid.
I wish I were a man,
then I'd get some respect.
Listen, kid, if you wanna
get treated like a man,
you gotta
look like a man.
What you need
is a symbol.
A symbol ?
Yes, something that's
says, "hey, look at me,
I'm no kid,
I'm a man !"
Please, mister,
I gotta know the secret.
What do I need to
become a man ?
It's simple.
All you need is
varicose veins.
Wow !
They're so manly.
Yes, kids, run right
down to the store
and pick up a box today.
♪ Varicose veins ♪
♪ varicose veins
varicose veins... ♪
one--
( clearing throat )
( man's voice )
One adult, please.
Hey, you can't
see this movie.
You're just a kid.
Hold it !
( screaming )
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
That's one adult.
Enjoy the film.
Another fine product
from age-tron.
Also try our
string-Wart APPLIQUé.
Stick-on liver spots.
Our deluxe strap-on
neck waddle.
And our all-new
e-Z stretch-mark oven.
From age-tron, of course.
( man )
This is a special report.
Well, the Queen was at
the gala opening of Tulip Pines
State Penitentiary.
This lavish playpen
for the legally challenged
features the latest
in criminal reform.
Like five-star dining.
Beauty salon.
( crying )
And for those of you
who prefer privacy,
our solitary
confinement units,
overlooking the gorgeous
hills of tulip pines.
So remember,
at tulip pines penitentiary,
the grass is always greener on
the other side of the law.
This has been
a special report.
Wait a minute.
I'm a taxpayer, too,
and look at this dump.
But Ren, you've been
living off your mother
for the past
eight years.
Forget about that !
( knocking )
Como Esta,
señor federale.
Yo hablo ingles.
You Ren Hoek ?
We've been
watching you.
Now look,
you are in violation
of city penal code
I-E-g-x-r-b-s-b,
infraction of
a state law,
aiding and abetting,
littering,
sauntering.
Step away from the house.
All right, Franco,
take her away.
Uh... well, boys,
have a nice day.
( whistling )
Great, now where're
we going to live ?
I don't know, Ren.
But your mom's
gonna be really mad.
( growling )
( screaming )
Come on, Stimpy.
Duh, where are
we going, Ren ?
To commit some crimes.
Ah, yes.
With this baby,
we'll be on the next
bus to prison.
And this bank
is our ticket !
Now, remember your lines.
Stick 'em up,
this is a heist !
Psst, Stimpy.
Duh, oh, yeah.
Give us a full tank of gas,
we're taking this bird to Cuba.
Step back,
he's got a spud !
That's right, and I'm
a good shot, too.
I can take your
eye out from here.
Now who's first ?
You !
Empty your pockets !
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Now get a good
look at my face.
Uh, Ren.
Not now, Stimpy,
I'm enjoying this.
Oh, the power of it all.
You !
Behind the counter !
I want you to
call the cops !
Yes, police.
There's a asthma
hound chihuahua
and a big, fat,
stupid cat,
and they're
gonna rob the bank.
Get down here,
please, please !
Armed robbery.
We'll easily get
20 years for this.
( man )
You sick and
twisted vermin.
Come out with your
hands in the air.
We're going to jail !
Well, see you
around, folks.
No hard feelings.
First thing I'm gonna
do when we get to jail
is get a nice
bikini wax.
The only place you're
going is kingdom come.
But, Ren, I thought you
said we were going to jail.
( growling )
( cop )
Aim... fire.
Okay, Stimpy.
If we can't go legally,
we'll break in.
How we gonna
do this, Ren ?
Well, for starters,
with this.
There you go,
you little rascal.
Wasn't he a handsome
devil ?
Shame about that
chicken-Bone incident.
Oh, well, at least he behaves
much better this way.
B-b-but wait.
Have I got
a surprise for you.
All right,
Stimpy, fire !
I brought your
favorite chew toy.
Rascal ?
( screaming )
Oh, rascal... rascal.
Hmm, hmm ?
See, I'm telling you,
this plan's gonna work.
But of course,
I never doubted myself.
Joy, you the man.
Thanks, pal.
Stupid.
Vengeance is mine.
This one's for rascal.
( explosion )
All right,
I've got a better plan.
Hey, Ren, it worked,
the coast is clear.
You're a genius.
( gurgling )
All better, Ren ?
Ren ?
I oughta--
jeepers,
it's the fuzz !
Quick, Stimpy, hide !
That'll be enough
sweets for you today.
Aww, the big bad boy's
stomach's upset.
It could be
a stinky night.
( panting )
Keep quiet,
and maybe
he'll go away.
All right, this
is your last chance.
You gonna arrest us
or what ?
Your mama.
Fire !
( beeping )
Mama, mama, mama !
Hee, hee !
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
( shrieking )
Fire !
( screaming )
Fire.
( screaming )
( Ren )
Man, look at
all this room.
It's lovelier than
I ever imagined.
The barbells will go here,
the law library over there.
Track lighting up here,
holy pictures right here.
Of course,
the color's all wrong.
Now, now listen, boys.
Have I got a new
roommate for you.
That's no problem, we've got
plenty of... space.
( beeping )
Uh... uh...
have a nice day.
( whistling )
Looks like another
happy ending, Ren.