The Ren & Stimpy Show (1991–1996): Season 5, Episode 6 - I Was a Teenage Stimpy/Who's Stupid Now? - full transcript
Stimpy enters his teens; the pair's show is canceled.
( birds chirping )
( motor chugging,
tires screech )
Stimpy...
Stimpy, Stimpy, Stimpy...
Stimpson, Stimpy, Mr. Cat,
Mr. The cat, the cat, the cat--
Hoek !
The latest issue of husk !
For the adult corn lover...
can't wait to
try it out.
Stimpy !
Don't come in here !
( straining )
Come on, man, I got
important business.
( straining )
What's going on in there ?
That's it !
I'm coming in !
Look...
I got pimples, Ren.
Oh, Stimpy.
I knew this day would come.
This is the first sign
of cat puberty.
Puberty ?
The blessed transformation
into adulthood.
Once you are a man, you'll
in turn take care of me,
catering to my every whim
for the remainder of your
natural life !
How's that sound ?
Uhh, neat.
Now, wait here,
I have something for you.
I've been saving this
until you were old enough--
the Hoek family
grooming kit.
Eeh !
Been in the family
for generations.
Can I try ?
Go on,
find a nice ripe one.
Gently now, gently.
( gunshot, ricochet )
( man screams )
Says here your voice
will change.
( Stimpy, voice cracking )
Oh, really ?
Says you're gonna
get clumsy, too.
( glass breaks,
clattering )
Yes, Ren, strange and wonderful
things are happening to me.
Here's your mush.
You know...
it's gonna be nice having
a man around the house.
( hard crunch )
Hey...
there's baby teeth
in my mush.
I'm sorry, Ren.
Hey, hey, relax, man.
Don't yell at me !
I'm a good boy.
I'm not yelling at you...
Mr. Sensitive !
I'm a good boy !
Ow ow ow
ow ow oww !
( wheezing )
What's happening to me ?
It's natural.
It's just another
growth spurt, buddy.
But, your brain will
catch up eventually.
I look stupid !
I don't wanna grow up !
I don't wanna grow up !
( crash )
( sobbing )
I don't wanna grow up !
( crash )
A chest hair !
My first grown-up
possession !
Hey !
You think you have
the monopoly on hygiene ?
Yeah, Binky's kinda
creepy-Looking,
but when she looked at me today
I could've died !
Hold on a second, will ya ?
I got another call.
Hoek ? Nah, he's busy,
he'll get back to ya.
Eh, hello, is your
refrigerator running ?
( snickers )
Well, let prince Albert out !
He'll suffocate !
( laughs )
Will you hold ?
Heh heh heh.
Oh, I know, the old man's
such a pill.
Hey ! Psst !
Ixnay on the erk-jay.
He's itting-say
on the ouch-cay !
Heh heh...
it's just a phase !
( Ren )
Stimpy's shedded skins...
strewn all over
the house !
This pubescence
has got to stop !
Hey, Ren, you wanna
go out this afternoon ?
Out ?
Why, I'd love to.
Good, 'cause I'm having
some friends over
and I'm embarrassed of you.
( laughter )
"No chi-ha-has."
Kid talk...
I'm hep to that.
( record scratches )
Yes ?
Hey, like,
I thought you cool cats
might like to partake
of some groovy beverage.
Heh, I sure would
like to meet your
hep, groovy,
daddy-O chumlies.
These are my friends
from school.
Everybody, Ren.
Ren, everybody.
Owww !
Hi, Mr. Hoek.
Hi, Mr. Hoek.
Delinquents !
I knew it !
You and you--
go home !
Uh, you're not gonna call
our parents, are you ?
Out !
And you !
I've had it up to here
with your phases.
You are not
to leave this room
until you are
a full-grown adult !
You ain't the boss of me.
You're grounded !
Forever !
You ain't the boss of me.
I heard that.
I hate you.
They grow so fast...
seems like only yesterday.
Throwing the old bean.
Oh, look, how cute !
Here, kitty, kitty...
little tykester.
Husk...
( giggles )
( thumping )
( giggling )
( laughing )
Maybe I was kind of hard
on the little lad.
I'll make it up to him
next year.
( scream,
alarm bell clanging )
Someone hath breached
my security system.
My secret stash !
Perpetrated !
Stimpy !!
Going through
another man's drawers !
I should have done this
back in scene 36.
This'll learn ya !
Where are ya ?
You little thief !
And what have you done
with my magazines ?
Oh-sey...
he's gone into
the pupa stage...
from which he'll emerge
a grown man.
Well, that ain't
gonna save ya !
( rumbling )
You're all grown up.
And now, I have a man to take
care of me in my dog age.
Do odd jobs, feed me...
bathe me...
gently wipe the drool
from my chin.
Sorry, the world needs me !
Thanks for all
the grub, old man.
I'll call you
when I need money.
Wait !
I'll write,
if I learn how !
They grow so fast,
then leave ya.
You just hope
you raised 'em right.
( man )
In the years that we've
spent together on the show
I feel as though
we've grown... close.
Aww, that's so sweet...
isn't that
sweet, Ren ?
That's why I hate
to leave you guys...
leave ?
You got fired,
didn't you ?
No... you did.
( laughing )
Yep, I'm canning the show,
seeing as how you're an
egotistical, self-centered,
pigheaded--
who are you
calling pigheaded ?!
( laughs nervously )
Oh, you got me
all wrong, pal.
And to prove it to ya, I'll,
I'll do anything you want.
As long as you keep
our show going.
Well, I don't know.
Aww, come on.
Can't you see
Stimpy's torment ?
Anything, huh ?
Anything !
I've got it !
A twist in chemistry.
You'll play the skinny jerk,
and you'll play the fat idiot.
( screaming )
Of course, to play the part,
you gotta look the part.
( Ren )
This is stupid.
I haven't gained an ounce
since I was a pup.
And what is this stuff ?
It's a pasty milkshake.
Try it, it's good.
Duh...
say, that's good !
You, you sound
just like Stimpy.
You know, this stuff
kind of grows on you.
What's in it ?
Oh, it's a secret.
Let's turn it up,
shall we ?
It sure does tickle.
( gulping )
Ah...
Hey !
Come see your buddy--
Stimpy.
He must look hideous.
He's covered up-- he must
look worse than I thought.
Voila !
Let me take
a look at you.
Smooth as silk.
Lumpy, lumpy, lumpy !
Thighs of steel.
Thighs of...
marmalade !
You !
Well, it's like that,
is it ?
Always trying to upstage me.
Well, it's not gonna
work this time !
I'm on to you, pal,
I've got your number.
Of course you do, Ren,
we live together.
Don't play stupid
with me !
Or don't you
remember ?
I'm the stupid one now !
( sobbing )
There, there, Ren,
you're not stupid.
Yes, I am.
For living this lie.
Everyone always
liked you better.
I never understood it--
you, of all people.
Being stupid
and bloated and...
wait a minute.
That's it !
( laughs )
Take it easy, Ren.
You fool !!
Don't you see ?
Don't you get it ?
Everyone always loves
the stupid fat guy.
And that's... me !!!
( laughing maniacally )
I can see it all now.
The lights...
the crowds cheering...
( crowd cheering )
And you'll be the jerk,
scorned by millions.
Whatever makes you
happy, Ren.
Where you going, Ren ?
To address my fans !
Uh, duuuuhh !
( giggles )
I love it when
he's so determined.
Now, how to play Ren...
okay, here goes.
( wheezing inhale )
Where's my dinner ?
This is harder than
I ever imagined.
Let me try again.
( straining )
W-where's... my...
dinner ?!!!
( announcer )
The dog you've all been
waiting for...
Ren Hoek !!
This is to all
my loyal fans.
Love me !!
( Ren )
At last we are at the present--
my glory days.
( cheers end )
( crickets chirping )
Uh, duh ?
You !
Disgusting slob !
You fat pig !
Why don't you
cover up ?
There's children present.
( booing, angry yelling )
( sobbing )
Stimpy...
they laughed at me...
and called me names.
They just don't
understand.
You're the only one who
truly understands me.
Pal ?
Understand,
nothin'.
Where's my dinner ?!
While you were up to your stupid
hijinks, I've been starving.
You know, you're good
for two things--
no good and
good for nothin'.
And another thing--
ever hear of mouthwash ?
You got bad breath, man.
( hammering,
drilling )
Everyone,
quiet on the set !
All right, Stimpy,
ready ?
Ready, chief.
Ready, stupid ?
Not really.
Action !
Where's my dinner ?!
Don't you know
it's already 12:00 ?
( gasp )
Say your line, stupid !
Uh, duh ?
Come on, you
fat slob, act !!
What are you trying to do,
you moron, make me look bad ?
You're an embarrassment.
What else do you need,
a kick in the head ?
Cut, cut !
You're fat, you're ugly,
and you can't
remember your lines--
what are you doing here ?!
Stooooop !!!
You want me
to be stupid ?
I'll show you stupid !
Hey, what are you-- ?
I... quiiiit !!!
Nobody understands me.
Not again.
( boisterous cheering )
Great performance, kid,
you're going places.
You're the best.
I love show biz !
( motor chugging,
tires screech )
Stimpy...
Stimpy, Stimpy, Stimpy...
Stimpson, Stimpy, Mr. Cat,
Mr. The cat, the cat, the cat--
Hoek !
The latest issue of husk !
For the adult corn lover...
can't wait to
try it out.
Stimpy !
Don't come in here !
( straining )
Come on, man, I got
important business.
( straining )
What's going on in there ?
That's it !
I'm coming in !
Look...
I got pimples, Ren.
Oh, Stimpy.
I knew this day would come.
This is the first sign
of cat puberty.
Puberty ?
The blessed transformation
into adulthood.
Once you are a man, you'll
in turn take care of me,
catering to my every whim
for the remainder of your
natural life !
How's that sound ?
Uhh, neat.
Now, wait here,
I have something for you.
I've been saving this
until you were old enough--
the Hoek family
grooming kit.
Eeh !
Been in the family
for generations.
Can I try ?
Go on,
find a nice ripe one.
Gently now, gently.
( gunshot, ricochet )
( man screams )
Says here your voice
will change.
( Stimpy, voice cracking )
Oh, really ?
Says you're gonna
get clumsy, too.
( glass breaks,
clattering )
Yes, Ren, strange and wonderful
things are happening to me.
Here's your mush.
You know...
it's gonna be nice having
a man around the house.
( hard crunch )
Hey...
there's baby teeth
in my mush.
I'm sorry, Ren.
Hey, hey, relax, man.
Don't yell at me !
I'm a good boy.
I'm not yelling at you...
Mr. Sensitive !
I'm a good boy !
Ow ow ow
ow ow oww !
( wheezing )
What's happening to me ?
It's natural.
It's just another
growth spurt, buddy.
But, your brain will
catch up eventually.
I look stupid !
I don't wanna grow up !
I don't wanna grow up !
( crash )
( sobbing )
I don't wanna grow up !
( crash )
A chest hair !
My first grown-up
possession !
Hey !
You think you have
the monopoly on hygiene ?
Yeah, Binky's kinda
creepy-Looking,
but when she looked at me today
I could've died !
Hold on a second, will ya ?
I got another call.
Hoek ? Nah, he's busy,
he'll get back to ya.
Eh, hello, is your
refrigerator running ?
( snickers )
Well, let prince Albert out !
He'll suffocate !
( laughs )
Will you hold ?
Heh heh heh.
Oh, I know, the old man's
such a pill.
Hey ! Psst !
Ixnay on the erk-jay.
He's itting-say
on the ouch-cay !
Heh heh...
it's just a phase !
( Ren )
Stimpy's shedded skins...
strewn all over
the house !
This pubescence
has got to stop !
Hey, Ren, you wanna
go out this afternoon ?
Out ?
Why, I'd love to.
Good, 'cause I'm having
some friends over
and I'm embarrassed of you.
( laughter )
"No chi-ha-has."
Kid talk...
I'm hep to that.
( record scratches )
Yes ?
Hey, like,
I thought you cool cats
might like to partake
of some groovy beverage.
Heh, I sure would
like to meet your
hep, groovy,
daddy-O chumlies.
These are my friends
from school.
Everybody, Ren.
Ren, everybody.
Owww !
Hi, Mr. Hoek.
Hi, Mr. Hoek.
Delinquents !
I knew it !
You and you--
go home !
Uh, you're not gonna call
our parents, are you ?
Out !
And you !
I've had it up to here
with your phases.
You are not
to leave this room
until you are
a full-grown adult !
You ain't the boss of me.
You're grounded !
Forever !
You ain't the boss of me.
I heard that.
I hate you.
They grow so fast...
seems like only yesterday.
Throwing the old bean.
Oh, look, how cute !
Here, kitty, kitty...
little tykester.
Husk...
( giggles )
( thumping )
( giggling )
( laughing )
Maybe I was kind of hard
on the little lad.
I'll make it up to him
next year.
( scream,
alarm bell clanging )
Someone hath breached
my security system.
My secret stash !
Perpetrated !
Stimpy !!
Going through
another man's drawers !
I should have done this
back in scene 36.
This'll learn ya !
Where are ya ?
You little thief !
And what have you done
with my magazines ?
Oh-sey...
he's gone into
the pupa stage...
from which he'll emerge
a grown man.
Well, that ain't
gonna save ya !
( rumbling )
You're all grown up.
And now, I have a man to take
care of me in my dog age.
Do odd jobs, feed me...
bathe me...
gently wipe the drool
from my chin.
Sorry, the world needs me !
Thanks for all
the grub, old man.
I'll call you
when I need money.
Wait !
I'll write,
if I learn how !
They grow so fast,
then leave ya.
You just hope
you raised 'em right.
( man )
In the years that we've
spent together on the show
I feel as though
we've grown... close.
Aww, that's so sweet...
isn't that
sweet, Ren ?
That's why I hate
to leave you guys...
leave ?
You got fired,
didn't you ?
No... you did.
( laughing )
Yep, I'm canning the show,
seeing as how you're an
egotistical, self-centered,
pigheaded--
who are you
calling pigheaded ?!
( laughs nervously )
Oh, you got me
all wrong, pal.
And to prove it to ya, I'll,
I'll do anything you want.
As long as you keep
our show going.
Well, I don't know.
Aww, come on.
Can't you see
Stimpy's torment ?
Anything, huh ?
Anything !
I've got it !
A twist in chemistry.
You'll play the skinny jerk,
and you'll play the fat idiot.
( screaming )
Of course, to play the part,
you gotta look the part.
( Ren )
This is stupid.
I haven't gained an ounce
since I was a pup.
And what is this stuff ?
It's a pasty milkshake.
Try it, it's good.
Duh...
say, that's good !
You, you sound
just like Stimpy.
You know, this stuff
kind of grows on you.
What's in it ?
Oh, it's a secret.
Let's turn it up,
shall we ?
It sure does tickle.
( gulping )
Ah...
Hey !
Come see your buddy--
Stimpy.
He must look hideous.
He's covered up-- he must
look worse than I thought.
Voila !
Let me take
a look at you.
Smooth as silk.
Lumpy, lumpy, lumpy !
Thighs of steel.
Thighs of...
marmalade !
You !
Well, it's like that,
is it ?
Always trying to upstage me.
Well, it's not gonna
work this time !
I'm on to you, pal,
I've got your number.
Of course you do, Ren,
we live together.
Don't play stupid
with me !
Or don't you
remember ?
I'm the stupid one now !
( sobbing )
There, there, Ren,
you're not stupid.
Yes, I am.
For living this lie.
Everyone always
liked you better.
I never understood it--
you, of all people.
Being stupid
and bloated and...
wait a minute.
That's it !
( laughs )
Take it easy, Ren.
You fool !!
Don't you see ?
Don't you get it ?
Everyone always loves
the stupid fat guy.
And that's... me !!!
( laughing maniacally )
I can see it all now.
The lights...
the crowds cheering...
( crowd cheering )
And you'll be the jerk,
scorned by millions.
Whatever makes you
happy, Ren.
Where you going, Ren ?
To address my fans !
Uh, duuuuhh !
( giggles )
I love it when
he's so determined.
Now, how to play Ren...
okay, here goes.
( wheezing inhale )
Where's my dinner ?
This is harder than
I ever imagined.
Let me try again.
( straining )
W-where's... my...
dinner ?!!!
( announcer )
The dog you've all been
waiting for...
Ren Hoek !!
This is to all
my loyal fans.
Love me !!
( Ren )
At last we are at the present--
my glory days.
( cheers end )
( crickets chirping )
Uh, duh ?
You !
Disgusting slob !
You fat pig !
Why don't you
cover up ?
There's children present.
( booing, angry yelling )
( sobbing )
Stimpy...
they laughed at me...
and called me names.
They just don't
understand.
You're the only one who
truly understands me.
Pal ?
Understand,
nothin'.
Where's my dinner ?!
While you were up to your stupid
hijinks, I've been starving.
You know, you're good
for two things--
no good and
good for nothin'.
And another thing--
ever hear of mouthwash ?
You got bad breath, man.
( hammering,
drilling )
Everyone,
quiet on the set !
All right, Stimpy,
ready ?
Ready, chief.
Ready, stupid ?
Not really.
Action !
Where's my dinner ?!
Don't you know
it's already 12:00 ?
( gasp )
Say your line, stupid !
Uh, duh ?
Come on, you
fat slob, act !!
What are you trying to do,
you moron, make me look bad ?
You're an embarrassment.
What else do you need,
a kick in the head ?
Cut, cut !
You're fat, you're ugly,
and you can't
remember your lines--
what are you doing here ?!
Stooooop !!!
You want me
to be stupid ?
I'll show you stupid !
Hey, what are you-- ?
I... quiiiit !!!
Nobody understands me.
Not again.
( boisterous cheering )
Great performance, kid,
you're going places.
You're the best.
I love show biz !